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Leaving the BAU was the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life. Luckily (?) the circumstances helped me a lot to make it; the job offer I finally accepted in Texas came just when we broke up with Aaron Hotchner. I hadn't seen the team since then. The breakup hurt so bad, I care about the others from the team, no matter how much I loved Morgan or Spencer.
This changed, when my department was in need of some papers from the BAU and given I happened to be the only one who was working with them, I had to contact them as well. Penelope of course took the opportunity to beg me for a visit. After several weeks of begging and promising and giving me puppy eyes through emails, I finally gave in and said yes to a quick visit.
So there I stood at the end of endless hugs, greetings, smiles, and tiny pinches on my cheeks (this latter was done of course by our old Italian agent), promising a coffee and a walk or a concert for everyone. If I wanted to be painfully honest, it just melted my heart. I realized again why I called these people family. Because they were. After two years of silence and missing, they acted as if I was still one of them.
Maybe an hour passed when Aaron's closed-before door opened, and he stepped out. The whole team fell quiet suddenly, but before it could turn into something awful and awkward, I heard little thuds from Hotchner's office. In a second, Jack peeked out of the room.
"Ada!" I heard his high, kid's voice.
"Jackie!" I shouted back. Jack ran down to me and jumped into my arms. I held him close to my chest, turning around with him where I stood. "Oh God, how I miss you" I murmured as I squeezed him tight.
"I miss you too" I heard Jack answering me. "Can I show you something exciting?" he asked as he straightened up in my arms.
"Please, do" I laughed. The little boy immediately grinned at me, showing the huge hole between his lower canine teeth.
"I lost two teeth!" he added. "And, and the tooth fairy came and I got two dollars. That means… that means that I got o… one dollar for each tooth" he stuttered, but looked at me so proud after he did the math.
"Look at you, growing up so fast!" I laughed. "I'm proud of you, Jackie boy, congratulations" I nudged his nose with mine.
"You know, when I showed my teeth to Spencer he said that it's because under my baby teeth there are grown-up teeth. They are so much stronger and never fall out, well not unless somebody knocks them out, and they are growing from my bone." We all laughed as he was rambling enthusiastically.
"He really did?" I asked Jack back. "And did you believe him? I hope so because your uncle Spencer is very clever" I smiled at him.
"He seemed like" Spencer smiled further.
"Dad, look, Ada's back" Jack reported to Hotch, as his father walked down the stairs, completely forgetting about his teeth and Reid.
"Yes, I can… I can see that" he stuttered. Morgan cleared his throat.
"Now it's time for me to get going, pretty girl, you know, m'ladies are waiting," he said. "It was so good to see you again, but please, come more often," he asked. I put Jack down to be able to hug him, then everyone once again. All the team left, only JJ remained and seemed like waiting.
"I'm ready," she said, looking up at Hotch. He only nodded, then Jennifer's gaze jumped over at Jack. "Jack, are you? Can we go?" she asked.
"Me too," the kid sighed deeply. I crouched down to be at his level and looked him in the eye. "Bye, Ada" he smiled up at me.
"Goodbye, sweetheart" I pecked his cheek, then pressed a kiss on his soft skin. He didn't know, but I did, that it was a forever-goodbye.
I stood up but turned around slowly to have some seconds for myself, preparing for what was coming.
“Hi," Aaron said as he could look me in the eye, tender as ever. I felt his palm lightly touching my elbow.
"Hi" I greeted him back.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, astonished.
"Surprise" I smiled. "Jack in the office?" I asked, not bothering to explain the situation. "That's new."
"Jessica is out of town for the weekend, and I was working on papers and reports. He was behaving so nicely" Aaron smiled. "JJ's taking him to theirs as they have a birthday party for Henry."
"I can see that you were working" I laughed sarcastically. "Living here for four days, as I reckon by your bin and the couch," I said as I looked at his office. The opened door let me see the couch, which was covered with blankets, ties, and papers.
"We had our last case in Philadelphia. Yes, I basically moved in, while we were working… I guess" he answered shyly.
"Two years later and you haven’t changed,” I said, not looking him in the eye. Over the couch on the wall, the photo of the three of us, taken at JJ and Will's wedding, was still hanging. My heart clenched.
"Some things never change," Aaron said lowly, just as if he would see my thoughts. "So, how come you’re here?" he asked with honest curiosity in his tone.
"I needed some papers for Texas," I said, this time catching his brown gaze. "I contacted Penelope, who managed to persuade me to come and get them personally, rather than she sent them to me. Then I could visit you, and…" I sighed. "So I thought it would be a good idea to do it by surprise."
"Well, it indeed was" he looked down on me. “You could’ve contacted me as well,” he added.
"I didn’t want to bother," I stated. Hotch scanned my face, just like he always did when he sensed I felt blue. With the difference that this time there wasn't anything to talk about. Wasn't anymore.
I was ready to say goodbye before this could escalate, but Hotchner was faster.
"Are you staying in town?" he asked and tried very hard to sound casual.
"Yeah, I, uh… I booked a room at WoodSprings for the night. I'm leaving tomorrow" I added.
"Would you like to have dinner with me? Or breakfast before your flight with me and Jack?" he asked timidly.
"Aaron," I said warningly. Suddenly I felt so tired from all the feelings and memories.
"Just an idea. To talk about what happened between us" he tried.
"What happened is that we had our closure," I said firmly. I didn't like where our conversation was heading.
"Did we?" he whispered. His head fell, he was looking at his fingers.
"You tell me" I laughed sarcastically. "You wanted it to end." I may have sounded harsher than I intended to, but that didn’t make the statement any less true.
"Did you have your closure?" he asked again, this time looking straight into my eyes. Into my soul.
"Aaron, for God’s sake, you’re a profiler, what do you think?" I hissed. I hadn’t seen myself become this emotional, this angry and this… sad during my quick visit. I felt my hands shaking, my throat tightening. "It was a mistake, coming back" I shook my head. I stepped to the desk where I put my papers and my bag, to just scoop them and leave.
"It was a mistake, letting you go" I heard his voice from the other side of the room, which sounded just like coming from a whole another universe. I stared at him in total disbelief, chewing on my inner cheeks, behind the tear-curtain in my eyes. I physically could feel my heart exploding into teeny-weeny bits of pieces. Again.
"Take care, Aaron," I said, almost quieter than my breath. My palm found the doorknob, and with all the weight on my shoulder, I pushed the door and left the bullpen.