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It's when Mu Qingfang saw her again for the first time that all his memories from his past life flashed right before his eyes at that very moment.
He remembered everything ─ every single thing they did to their Shixiong. From the rumours, the accusations, to the trial that they knew very well would lead to their Shixiong's demise.
Hah. Mu Qingfang got a hell of a headache after that.
He remembers sending out the medicines and herbs to Qing Jing Peak later than the rest. Remembers when he did not come to aid his shixiong. Remembers when he did all of those out of spite.
He had failed him. Everyone had failed Shen Qingqiu.
What was the use of gaining back these memories? To drown him more in guilt? To atone for what he did for his shixiong? Mu Qingfang didn't know.
But seeing his shixiong again in this new life... He wanted to do better. Wanted to make things better, not just for himself but also for Shen Qingqiu. He wanted to treat him right. To treat him because he deserves it. For a lifetime.
──────
He was in middle school when he had met her. She was in a higher grade than him so their meet up was just brief.
But it felt like time had stopped for Mu Qingfang at that moment.
She looked at him with confusion and sneered at his staring, scowling on the way to ─ presumably, her class.
Mu Qingfang wondered if Shen Qingqiu had remembered the past the moment she looked at him.
But it seems like she didn't. Which is good. For the better. She didn't need to remember a lifetime full of pain and suffering.
Mu Qingfang was glad she didn't.
──────
He met his other martial siblings too, his disciples, and other people from his past life who had attained their memories too.
They all told him that it was triggered when they had met Shen Qingqiu. Mu Qingfang told the same. They guessed that Shen Qingqiu didn't though.
Their martial brother is a girl this time around and she was still that same. She still has her foul mouth, her snarky remarks, her unapproachable air, her appearance...
Mu Qingfang wondered why he sees her alone every day in Highschool. Surely everyone adored her? Why doesn't she have friends?
She's the teacher's favourite, she wins every competition she participated, achieved outstanding awards, aced every class, Is ranked the first and highest one in their school. A scholar. She's practically the perfect girl everyone envied. Everyone admired, wanted to be...
(Mu Qingfang has to be honest himself, he had sneaked into the venue to watch those competitions she participated in and won. Piano competitions, violin, lyre... He was entranced with each and one of her performances.)
So why? She's perfect. In his eyes and in every single way.
Mu Qingfang opted to know why but it wasn't his business. And it's not like he wanted to be friends with her too.
It's best for someone like him, who had wronged her in the past, to stay away.
But he didn't want to, he still wants to do her better. He wanted to be her friend-
Or he wants something much more.
No, he doesn't.
He just admires her. For all the things she did in the past and present. Just that.
Yes, Mu Qingfang l̶i̶k̶e̶s̶ admires her. He doesn't understand why the others didn't.
──────
Liu Qingge is constantly thrown into the infirmary. Just like from the past, he's constantly treated in Qian Cao.
But this time, He wasn't alone. He's with Shen Qingqiu.
Well, their faces don't look good. Mu Qingfang sighed. Shen Qingqiu had a bloodied nose and broken askew glasses. Liu Qingge doesn't look much better. Half of his face was squashed ─ probably from a strong blow. A punch. The corner of his mouth is bleeding.
This gave him a sense of deja vu. Mu Qingfang's eye twitched.
"What happened-"
"This fucker harassed me." Shen Qingqiu hollered. Paying no mind to her voice reaching even the school faculty.
"I DIDN'T!" Liu Qingge protested despite catching his every ragged breath.
She looked even more enraged, "Then why did I see your hand reaching behind my skirt?!"
"I wasn't! I was trying to... to-"
"To what? To undress me for the whole school to see?" Shen Qingqiu interrupted, backing away from the two boys. Mu Qingfang swears he hears her voice crack a little.
Ah, this might end up in another fight and Shen Qingqiu looked like she would much rather be anywhere except here. Best to treat them first.
"Let's get your wounds treated fir-"
"You know what? Save it. I don't want to hear whatever lie you make up, whoever you are! My teacher just sent me here because she's the one who saw us brawling in the first place." She stormed out of the infirmary, shutting the door with a bang.
Mu Qingfang can do nothing to stop that. She didn't want to be here anyways but her wounds though ─ he'll find a way to seek her later. For now, he treats Liu Qingge.
Speaking of Liu Qingge... He shot him a look and sure enough, the wounded boy scrambled to explain why that transpired in his infirmary.
"I did not harass her! You gotta believe me Mu-shidi, I was not doing any of that!"
"But were you intending to? She did say you-"
"No! You both got it wrong, I was gonna ask for her number..."
Mu Qingfang felt his eyes twitch, not quite believing what his shixiong said. "What?" Why was he even asking for that?
"Mingyan said to get Shen Qingqiu's number first before asking her out..." he muttered, his cheeks dusting red.
Oh, so that's why... Weren't you supposed to be on good terms first with the person you want to ask out? This is the wrong way around!
"Wow. Liu-shizhi suggested that? You got this problem by yourself Liu-shixiong."
Liu Qingge groaned. "Mingyan's gonna pay for this."
Mu Qingfang let out an airy laugh and continued to treat the wounds on his shixiong face. "I suggest you befriend her first, before all that."
The other made a face, "You'd think she wants to be friends with me after that?"
He had a point. Well, this is his problem anyway. Mu Qingfang won't bother.
──────
Shen Jiu ran out of the infirmary but not before grabbing the nearest small aid kit that thankfully went unnoticed by the two.
She went to the girl's restroom and immediately locked herself in a stall when the girls in the room looked at her oddly.
It hurts like bitch. Shen Jiu thought as she dabbed the cotton from the bridge of her nose from the pinpricks of the glass shards and the heavy punch ─ which she assumes from the Bai Zhan class ─ the boy gave, added.
She didn't know who that person was but she hates him. No, he loathes that pervert. How fucking dare he? Shen Jiu wanted to report him but that would mean her mother would be informed ─ she didn't want her mother to be involved in this. She'll forbid her from ever coming to school and lock her in the house to be homeschooled instead.
Shen Jiu didn't want that. She barely gets any actual time for herself in that house. Her mother makes her practice the four arts, the many instruments she owned, makes her advance study ─ and if she didn't do these seemingly everyday tasks her mother also did when she was her age, she would whip her hands until It reddens, until it bleeds and scolds her until she realizes the grave mistake she did.
There was no room to rest. It was torture. Shen Jiu took it all.
Her efforts paid off quite well. She makes her mother happy and contended with every perfect thing she does.
And that's the only thing Shen Jiu wants. Her mother happy. She honors her as one mortal does to a heavenly God.
But she doesn't want to be bound in that house in like, forever. She wanted to be free ─ she wanted to taste the slice of freedom, every drop of it. She wants to lose herself in that way.
Such a selfish wish, Shen Jiu thinks.
She would never have that. It was just a selfish, foolish wish. Her mother wouldn't want that. So, Shen Jiu just keeps that locked in the darkest corners of her heart.
Hah... She wanted to cry.
But her mother has no daughter that sheds even a single tear. So Shen Jiu doesn't. Instead, she bottles it all up.
It's what she does best.
She finishes bandaging up her nose. It was a lost cause for her glasses so she'll just get a new one from the An Ding class.
Luckily, her eyesight was not that bad to the point she couldn't see anything without her glasses ─ still, it was somewhat blurry but manageable. She threw the wrecked thing in the trash bin and left the restroom.
──────
There was a little girl with great ambitions it felt like it soared through the skies.
She wanted to do what her mother thought her to do. From a young age, she did it well.
Her mother might be a bit harsh on her but it wasn't something the little girl can't take. The girl was strong. Stronger than anything and that her will matched it too.
Her Mother has exceedingly expectations of her so why would she throw that all down? How can she bare to see her mother disappointed in her? Why would she even dare to disappoint her?
She didn't however so. Her ambition to be the Perfect innocent girl her mother wanted her to be only soared as she meticulously did and do everything perfectly with burning passion.
She had long lost herself in the years of projecting that kind of lifestyle but she quite likes it.
She likes the way her mother is pleased every time. She likes the way she smiles, the way she would caress her, would tell her that she's proud of a daughter like her. And that she was her legacy.
Shen Jiu is as happy too. The brimming hope and trust her mother has in her eyes is the only reason that keeps her going.
She will make her proud.
──────
"Um, So, you're saying that you tried to ask Shen Qingqiu for her number but you were accused of harassing her instead and that led with you two quite literally beating the crap out of each other."
Qi Qingqi sighed. This was not the first time Liu Qingge had attempted to approach Shen Qingqiu. She didn't want to even think about those times he acted like a hooligan. But now, he did successfully caught her attention.
"Please don't make me say it again." Liu Qingge bashed his head against the wall.
"Why are you even going as far into that? Didn't you two hate each other's guts? Why a sudden change of heart Liu-shidi?" Wei Qingwei wriggled his eyebrows at him and he earned a kick in the shin.
"Shut up, she's really... You know?" He muttered under his breath but somehow, his friends still heard it.
"What?" They all said in unison. Qi Qingqi was looking at him with amusement, Wei Qingwei was snickering and Mu Qingfang has been awfully quiet.
"Pretty? I don't know. She's smart I guess."
"Uh huh, I doubt that's all of the things you think about."
"Agreed. There's more to this than meets the eye, Liu-shidi."
Liu Qingge went beet red, "So, what do should I do? You're the one who suggested me, Mu-shidi."
Mu Qingfang snapped out of whatever his musings were and focused on his martial siblings, "Oh, befriending Shen-shixiong- shijie?"
"Woah, you really said that? They might sort into killing each other for real this time!"
"Well, that did happen though..."
"Right, how do I exactly do that?"
Mu Qingfang felt conflicted. "...I don't know? Talk to her?"
"For the second time, do you think she would let me near her after that incident?"
"Ah yes..." The former Qian Cao peak lord pondered. "How about sending her letters?"
Liu Qingge hummed, seeming to consider this, "Elaborate."
Mu Qingfang let out a breath. "Send her letters anonymously and leave them at her desk, her locker, anywhere where she doesn't spot you."
Sure enough, Liu Qingge's eyes brighten up with this idea, "Alright then. But... I don't want to be the one who sends it ─ I will write to her but I'm not sending it... Given how I made her think about me like some kind of lecherous person back there, my presence would be unwanted and if she saw me snooping around her desk, I might actually get reported."
"Wow, I didn't take you up for a gentleman, Liu-shidi."
"But who will send it on his behalf then?"
Liu Qingge glanced at his shidi in the room, "Why don't you do it Mu-shidi? Didn't you say you met Shen Qingqiu back when you were in middle school? Surely you're more familiar of her than us ─ she might recognise you even."
"I... could do that."
──────
He wants to slap himself with all the things that had left out of his mouth that were supposedly the one he'll be doing himself!
Why did Mu Qingfang even bother to suggest something such as sending anonymous love letters?
The former Qian Cao peak lord was reduced into a maiden whose mind was full of thoughts of the one she was pining at.
Now he had completely wasted a lifetime opportunity to reconcile with Shen Qingqiu. Great.
Well, maybe he can still do it other than the letters he had thought for himself? Maybe befriend her?
But how will he do that?
My Qingfang finds himself standing in front of Shen Qingqiu's locker and hesitating to slip the letter inside.
What if Shen Qingqiu ends up liking Liu Qingge after this? Mu Qingfang was ready to choke on his own medicine by then.
He felt eyes linger on the back of his head, already knowing those three was spying on him.
He sighed and slipped the letter without anything in thought, If she did end up liking him then so be it. Mu Qingfang doesn't have any time to worry about a girl.
He dashed out of there when people started piling around.
──────
Shen Jiu had just arrived from school and thankfully, her mother didn't notice her new set of glasses and slightly broken nose, yesterday at the house.
It was all good until she saw someone in front of her locker.
She eyed the boy carefully, and it was just her luck that he didn't notice her quite literally a few meters away from him.
Was this boy blinder than her if she doesn't have glasses? She thought so. And she got a good look at him too, a short guy who or less reaches around her shoulder.
He was familiar, she thinks. She recognises that he's from the Qian Cao class.
He skipped away for a minute or two but something caught Shen Jiu's eye.
It was an envelope and it piqued her interest. Did he write to her? This was the first time someone has ever made her hand written letters─
Once she saw no sight of the boy, she went into her locker and sure enough, the envelope was nestled on top of her books. It has a heart sealed on it.
Was this a love letter, perhaps? She opened it and the contents were enough for her to have guessed.
You have the most mesmerizing green eyes I have ever seen. It makes me remind of how beautiful you are.
─It was said in the letter. What in the world? Did he like my eyes that much? What does he mean by mesmerizing green eyes? These were just lenses. And most importantly, why would he give her eyes that much attention?
Shen Jiu wanted to laugh. Is this some kind of joke? She didn't like whatever type of love letter this is. She crumpled up the paper and threw it at the nearest trash bin.
──────
"Uhhh, did you see that?"
"She threw the letter away!"
Liu Qingge didn't know why she did that. The audacity! After spending quite some time thinking of the perfect letter to write then she had the gall to be unappreciative!
"What did you even write, Liu-shixiong? Mu Qingfang mentally face-palmed himself.
"I just told that her eyes were beautiful and all that-"
"Her eyes you say? Have you said anything that provoked her?"
"None that I think of. You gotta believe me, I just talked about her eyes."
"She might think you want to pluck out her eyes or something." Wei Qingwei laughed and it got him another kick in the shin.
To make matters worse, Qi Qingqi decided to say, "Yeah, I think Wei-shixiong is right... Do you want Shen Qingqiu's eyes that much? She'll definitely be creeped out of you."
The two laughed and Liu Qingge was fuming inside. He'll make another one for tomorrow and he'll guarantee that it wouldn't end up like it did today! He'll shove that in their faces.
Mu Qingfang can only sigh.
──────
It was lunch break when Mu Qingfang saw Shen Jiu walk past them ─ in the direction of the infirmary, supporting a bleeding nose.
Ah... He was supposed to treat her right after he was done with Liu Qingge yesterday but he couldn't find him and he was also dragged by his shixiong to their friends.
Now maybe is a great time to. "I'll catch up with you guys later, I need to check on something." He said without giving them a chance to reply.
He ran towards the girl and in a matter of seconds, he was right beside her. Wow, her nose was terrible.
"Shen-shi- Shen Jiu... I... I can treat you with that?" He asked while pointing at the very obvious bleeding nose.
She hissed at him, "No need, I can perfectly take care of this myself."
Was it just him or did she start walking faster and avoiding his gaze? "Ah, but I insist ─ I'm from Qian Cao and I can-"
"Of course, I know that, It's stupidly presented on your uniform. Do you take me for a fool?"
Well, she was right, only an idiot wouldn't notice or someone unfamiliar with the school. It was easy to decipher because of the colors on their sleeve folds.
They've reached the infirmary, Mu Qingfang manages to convince Shen Qingqiu and made her sit on one of the stools to get her nose treated right away.
He did so and took out the poorly wrapped bandage around it and frowned at what he sees. Her nose was battered and the slits of the wounds are starting to re-open. Clearly, the one who tried to treat this had done badly, poorly. At least they tried though. "Did Liu-shixiong- Liu Qingge do this to you?"
She averted his gaze but still let her nose get examined. "What do you think? Do I have some sort of self-hatred that I resorted to punching the shit out of myself?
Mu Qingfang sighed for the second time that day. Liu Qingge did a number on her. Now, he badly wants to know if there are more bruises his shixiong gave her. He doubts there is but to be sure.
He finishes and bandaged up her nose nicely, "Did he do any more to you? I'll check-"
"No, he just punched me and I got a broken tooth after that. But all is well, I guess." She said while putting back her glasses on.
"Okay, you're free to leave, if you want." Mu Qingfang was glad there wasn't more. He might beat Liu Qingge himself after this.
"Thanks..." She muttered and turned to leave.
"Mu Qingfang."
"What?" She halted her steps and looked at him oddly.
"My name, it's Mu Qingfang."
"Oh, Well, thanks Mu Qingfang..." And that she was gone.
──────
So, Mu Qingfang, huh. That's why he looked familiar. Shen Jiu saw him before.
When she was in middle school. After getting slapped by her mother on the way because she disobeyed her again and was being unladylike. She just walked passed him, merely glanced at the boy and he looked at her too.
It was just a brief eye contact but why had she remembered him then? They weren't even close in the first place, she sees him around the school premises but they didn't talk.
She also wonders why he's still short. In that brief encounter, she was just around the same height as him but now, that boy didn't even grow an inch.
But he's cute though, she supposes. If Mu Qingfang likes her eyes ─ she'll stop wearing these lenses. She doesn't mind if it's him.
And she also owes him for her nose. It doesn't sting anymore and she feels a little better.
──────
The letters were sent every single day and it kept piling up. Shen Jiu spots Mu Qingfang leave these on her desk, her locker, the table she eats on lunch...
There was also a time when one of her classmates hands her a letter saying that it was from the boy from Qian Cao class and it was addressed to her.
They teased her for that, "Wow, I can't believe little miss perfect here got herself a boyfriend."
"A junior no less!"
"Say, was that Mu Qingfang? The one who practically manages the infirmary by himself with his peers? That's why I spot Shen here, visit there from time to time."
"Ah, a secret relationship. I don't know how he manages to keep up with your temper though..."
There's no doubt they read it before giving it to her but she found herself not caring at all.
You look lovely today. Has anyone told you that before? Not just today but every day.
I heard that you won a singing competition recently. As expected of Miss Shen... Would I ever get the day where I could listen to you sing for me?
I always think of you, believe me when I say that. You always make my brain malfunction to the point I'm not even paying attention in class. Funny right? I would get scolded on my way home and my sister tells me I have this stupid smile on my face. She said that she always sees me with that grin when I'm thinking too loudly. Must be about you.
I know I've sent you a ton of letters already but I can't seem to stop, I'm always reminded of your presence even though we don't speak. This lowly one is just a scumbag and the least I can do is these gifts. I know it's constant and I just want to remind you that, I'm captivated. You're the one that I want to be with. You always caught my attention. You make my day better just by breathing.
She reads all of these when she's alone in school or in the privacy of her bedroom. Sometimes she gushes, she laughs heartily. It makes her heart thump loudly in her chest.
Mu Qingfang was wise with words. It makes her feel sort of things, things she doesn't have an answer to. It's the first time someone rendered her like this.
Sometimes she even writes a letter of her own addressed to him. But it all end up crumpled and ripped apart. Her words don't make sense and she wasn't skilled in this department.
She hides all the letters under her bed so that her mother wouldn't notice a thing.
Shen Jiu notices that the handwritings on these were somehow different from Mu Qingfang's. She wonders if he purposely did that so she wouldn't have a clue it's him. Well, too bad, she already knows but she appreciates the effort though.
She likes Mu Qingfang... Was it just a crush or something much more? She doesn't know.
──────
Shen Jiu visiting the infirmary from time to time wasn't an actual lie ─ she goes there in every opportunity she gets, by all means, every time she gets hurt.
This was stupid, she thought but that's the only way she can think of getting close to Mu Qingfang and actually hold a conversation with him.
She didn't want others to talk so she took matters into her own hands. She purposely injures herself for an excuse to go to the infirmary. Her teacher wouldn't let her unless it was something urgent.
And her 'plan' worked well. She gets to see Mu Qingfang as he treats her again and again.
They had this sort of bond formed in the infirmary but Shen Jiu was reluctant to consider him as a friend.
Didn't her friends leave her before? Why wouldn't Mu Qingfang dare to do the same? So she had hesitated. Though they were on good terms nonetheless.
──────
"Qingfang?"
Hearing the familiar voice, Mu Qingfang's lips curled into a smile, "Jiu-jie, you're here, again."
It seems that Shen Jiu had visited him again. Not like he wasn't expecting this, he likes having her around although they're always together because she's constantly thrown here.
But today, something feels off about her. She wobbled to sit on one of the beds, "Can you..." She hesitated, seeming to look for the right words. Mu Qingfang waited patiently.
He heard her sigh, "My back... Can you treat my back?" she asked and bit her lip.
"Of course, Jiu-jie. I would like to ask what happened-"
She turned around and sure enough, Mu Qingfang saw the blood seeping through the white cloth of their uniform. What...?
"My... Mother whipped me." She said sounding nonchalant as ever. Mu Qingfang wonders if this wasn't the first.
But this surely is the first time for him. Never had he seen her heavily injured like this. In the past, yes but in this life, he hadn't.
He hurriedly went to get everything that he needed while Shen Jiu grabs her long hair and put it aside, strips herself out of her blouse, unclasps her bra and had let Mu Qingfang do his work.
"Why?" It's probably none of his business but he asked anyway. He wasn't expecting something like this when she had come here ─ he expected a minor wound like always. Why did her mother do this? Does she receive this kind of treatment from her Mother on a daily basis?-
"I made a mistake." She said and winced when Mu Qingfang had dabbed on a fresh one. "I failed to do something simple she had asked of me- she told me I wasn't good enough, not perfect enough. She-" she was trembling.
"That's enough, Jiu-jie. I don't want you to say anything more." He didn't want to hear her voice on the verge of breaking, "Let me take care of you."
He saw her nod and he did what he had just said. He took care of her wounds, eased the pain and patched it all up.
By the time he was done, they had already missed their first class but he didn't mind. "How are you feeling, Jiu-jie?" His priority now is to make Shen Jiu feel better.
"I'm... Feeling alright now, Thanks to you." She said and looked into his eyes. "Thank you, Qingfang." She suddenly engulfed him in a hug.
Mu Qingfang froze. His arms stayed rooted beside him, not knowing where to place it ─ he might hurt her backside, that's already been bandaged. (this was the first time she had ever hugged him)
"You're welcome..." he wrapped his arms around her hips instead. "It's the only thing I can do."
She pulled away and stared at him with genuine features, "You've already done a lot for me."
Then she leaned down and kissed him.