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“It’s not fucking fair!”
Another pillow had been thrown at the wall of the messy bedroom, knocking down a wall ornament of some sort. It was probably broken now and his mom would be angry, but Roy didn’t care about that right now. His mind was clouded by something else.
“It’s wrong, it's all wrong! It can’t be like that!”
The auburn-haired boy threw himself onto his bed, his navy blue hat falling off in the process. He laid there and glared at the ceiling as if that’d solve his problem.
Well…. problems is the better term.
It started during another conversation with Ross and Robert about how he treats the Spooky kids. They were getting on his case for a recent action that involved taking the boy’s winter clothes. He’d admit, he probably worded himself terribly, but surely his friends would’ve understood where he was coming from, right?
Apparently not.
“It’s still fucking weird you wanted that, dude.” Ross reiterated for the millionth time. He had been particularly adamant in berating him for the stunt.
“Oh my god, can you just drop this PLEASE? I already told you it wasn’t like that,” Roy was honestly getting sick of the conversation. He was fully aware that Ross was only being this annoying about it because of his anxiety about his mom finding out, but he was ready to just throw the stupid coats directly at his face. “It’s not a big deal, they aren’t going to say anything.”
“Yes, it kind of is?!” The dark-haired boy snapped. “I don’t know how it’s not clicking. You asked them to strip down for you and seeing what you pulled before, it’s safe to say I have a few concerns.”
Robert budded in before things got too ugly, “Look, what Ross is trying to get across is that you’re a little…much with how you treat them, which I understand this is a form of dealing with-” He immediately got cut off by Roy before he could finish.
“Don’t mention that I swear to god. Look I saw the opportunity to pick on them and I did. I do this all the time, how is it any different?” Roy noticed his friends looking at each other for a second like they were trying to figure something out with their next response. Were they going to make him return the coats? Say they were done with him? Ask him about…that again? “If you have to say something just spit it out, clearly you wanna.”
Ross started, “Well, um…it’s just like…you kinda seem like you’re…not saying you are but…” He trailed off, clearly hesitating which was pissing the auburn off.
“SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT”
“Roy, easy, it’s just…I mean why did you want their coats anyway? It’s kinda…lame in comparison to what you would normally do, no offense.” Robert tried to ease the conversation in a specific direction away from whatever Ross was saying. “We aren’t saying you had any weird intent we’re just curious of the ‘why’ outside of just making them cold.”
Roy thought for a moment, he didn’t exactly want to admit the real reason since it was honestly really stupid. It shouldn’t matter anyway, the plan failed.
“It’s not important, let’s just move on.” He looked at the clothing in his arms in an attempt to hide whatever shame was suddenly in his eyes. It wasn’t enough though.
“It seems like it’s something important, Roy.” The blonde placed a hand on Roy’s shoulder. “Really you can tell us, it’s not like what you’ve done has changed our opinions of you before.”
Ross finally spoke up again, “Yeah, dude, we aren’t going to judge you-”
“OH, YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THAT AFTER THIS PAST HOUR!” Roy had enough. “Fine you wanna know so badly, I wanted to see what they looked like out of costume. I wanted to see their real faces, ok? See what Skid and Pump looked like outside of Skid and Pump. It didn’t work so now I have these damn things to carry around and two idiots nagging me over it as if it was the worst thing I’ve done to them!” He huffed, catching his breath for a moment.
“I just…” Ross spoke with a small voice, not wanting to agitate Roy anymore than he already had, “...you’ve seen them already? I showed you pictures before…”
“W-well, I wanted to see it in person.” He hadn’t really…considered why seeing them for himself was a goal. Actually, he hadn’t considered a lot of the ‘why’ for what he was doing. He thought it was just a way to blow off some steam, but that didn’t really sound right in his head now that he was thinking on it more.
Now that he’s thinking of why he treated them the way he was
“...Roy..”
Now that he was thinking of why he didn’t feel quite right around those two after seeing them more.
“Roy?”
Now that he was thinking of how guilty he felt after he sent them to his uncle’s, to the point where he tried convincing himself it was a dream so he didn’t have to think of the worst-case scenario for them.
“Roy!”
Now that he was thinking of how he really didn’t hate-
“EARTH TO ROY!” Robert’s voice snapped him back to reality. “You okay there? Something you wanna talk about?”
The auburn threw the Spooky boy’s clothes to Ross. “I’m going home.”
“Huh, what happened?”
“I said I’m going home, leave me alone.”
He hadn’t spoken to either of his friends since that conversation. He couldn’t. Not because they cut him off or because he didn’t want to. He just couldn’t in good faith confront them for the time being. Not after it dawned on him what exactly his problem was.
Roy was never good at showing his true feelings. He couldn’t be vulnerable or trusting of people as he should. Not after what that bastard put him through. As such he pushed away all possible ways he could feel that way around people. If that meant being an absolute asshole, then so be it. Rather hurt others than to be hurt again.
Well, the worst side effect of that was how it ultimately made him react terribly around affection. Not just if it was shown to him, but if he felt any bit of infatuation towards someone, his natural reaction would be to treat them like garbage to avoid feeling it altogether. It caused him to royally fuck up his chance with someone he had feelings for in the past. He ended up being one of the main reasons they moved in the first place.
And it was happening all over again.
“Why can’t I just be normal? Why does it have to be like this towards them?”
During his contemplation, after he left his friends, he realized how much he didn’t hate either Skid or Pump. It was the exact opposite. He adored them and it sickened him. It didn’t start right away, it had to be sometime after he…actually saw who it was he was tormenting. When he finally had a face outside of the Skeleton and Pumpkin masks, he began to see them outside of a bunch of weirdos.
Roy thought it was envy for the longest time, but that theory got squashed during Halloween when he observed the two’s interactions with their family from afar. They had it better off than he did, but not enough to where he wanted to be them. The confirmation came when he was particularly glad they were happy he and his gang dressed up for the occasion. It was then he realized how he didn’t hate the holiday as much as he used to.
Now here he was with hindsight on that and many other interactions. What was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to handle this? Should he tell anyone, and who could he tell if so? Is it possible to mend the damage he caused to the two boys? Would it be possible for them to get along if he tried hard enough? Could they ever like him back?
The last thought scared him. The fact his brain was starting to fully accept the reality scared him. He wasn’t sure how he should continue going forward. A relationship wouldn’t be possible, right? He couldn’t possibly be able to pursue this. Skid and Pump surely hated him and his friends probably wouldn’t be happy with it.
“..And it’s morally fucking wrong…”
The auburn sat up and reached for his phone. He looked at the picture Ross sent him of Skid and Pump for the tenth time that day and probably the hundredth time since this all started.
“I wish I at least had proper names for them…I should ask Ross sometime..”
The two were honestly really cute. Skid was taller and thinner with paler skin, purple hair in a bob cut, and green eyes. Meanwhile, Pump was shorter and chubbier with darker skin, curly dark brown hair, and brown eyes. Both were smiling in the picture, and they had really nice smiles. Skid’s was wider than Pump’s, and Pump had a tooth gap. Had he known what they looked like way before, he would have been more careful with being physically bullying them. Probably still would have roughed them up, but not as bad as he did before seeing the pictures.
Roy looked through his missed messages. Ross and Robert had been messaging him non-stop since he went radio-silent. He contemplated messaging them now that he knew what was going on. They’d…maybe understand? Robert is a weirdo and has stuck by him for years, so he’d be more likely to be okay with it. Ross, on the other hand, he couldn’t be sure of. He started to type in the gang’s group chat when he heard a knock on the door.
“Dude, you in there? Your mom let me in. I just wanna see if you’re ok.” Speak of the devil, it was Ross.
Roy took a few seconds to respond, “, yeah, door’s open…”
Ross opened the door carefully and stepped in, “, I…see you’ve been…uh…having a time.” He walked over to the bed and sat near the edge. “Sorry Rob couldn’t make it, he had family stuff.”
“That’s fine…” Roy mumbled out, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk anymore.
“I’m sorry about the other day, I obviously made things shitty, so…I wanted to give you the chance to…talk it out? Insult me, whatever you need?” The dark-haired boy was doing his best to walk on eggshells for Roy, and it didn’t go unnoticed.
“You’re fine, you don’t need to worry about it. It’s all me anyways.”
Ross frowned at the last part of Roy’s statement. “Don’t say that really I get that I-”
“No, I’m serious, it’s all on me I…” He already started so he might as well finish it, but it still wasn’t easy.
“Roy?”
“I have a crush on Skid and Pump.”