Archive of Our Own

It was as Kelvin was halfway through a strawberry milkshake at Jason’s Steakhouse that Eli cleared his throat, resting his chin on the back of his hand, and surveying the table with narrowed eyes.

Sure enough, the chatter quietened down almost immediately.

Kelvin felt Keefe freeze next to him, their shoulders pressing against one another. Things had been good, these past few months since the debacle with the Lissons on the beach at Zion’s Landing. They had gotten the Youth Squad off the ground, had moved Keefe back in permanently, and had been kickin’ back, enjoying their life filled with video games and movie nights and protein-high take out in the evenings. It had been darn near perfect. Honestly, Kelvin should have been expecting the other shoe to drop any day now.

It looked like that day had come.

So, everyone waited.

And waited.

And—

“I have some good news.”

The tension that had engulfed the room, automatically began to drain, everybody letting out their collective held breaths as their patriarch continued:

“GODD, has become the most subscribed Christian Streaming Service in the world. We’ve beat out Pureflix and Crossflix and seven others for the top spot!”

The whole table erupted at that, everyone hollering and clapping and raising their glasses in a toast. Kelvin clinked his milkshake together with Keefe’s, sharing a smile before his Daddy called out.

“Alright, alright, settle down. I know this is great news, fantastic news even, but that’s not what I wanted to talk to ya’ll about. I just wanted to give some good news before gettin’ into the nitty-gritty.”

Kelvin glanced at Jesse, then Judy, then Keefe, who all reflected his confusion and intrigue.

“Now, I know we don’t usually talk shop at lunch, but since all that business down in Florida,” he paused, waving a hand, he and Jesse exchanging a look, “in an effort of transparency, I wanted to be upfront with everybody about some recent negative press surrounding our community.”

Kelvin would swear on his Bible that the room grew so quiet, he could hear a pin drop, the phantom of Thaniel Block still haunting them all.

“Now we have always preached the message of Love Thy Neighbour in our church,” his father continued, his tone wistful. “Aimee-Leigh worked hard from the time she was a girl to include everyone and make those from all walks of life feel accepted and welcome among us. To embrace our brothers and sisters without judgment or ridicule. To not preach hatred and bigotry like some other so-called people of faith. But, with this ever-evolving world, it seems to me that we have an entire section of believers that could have so far been reluctant to join us because they didn’t feel like they could love who they love and still worship with their peers.”

Cold seeped into Kelvin’s veins.

“Dad,” he heard Gideon murmur to Jesse, sounding pained, “please tell me you didn’t—”

“No, I did not,” Jesse interjected, “though, I want to repeat what I said before. I love you, son. And your Granddaddy loves you too.”

Gideon let out a groan.

“That’s great, Dad, thanks, but I’m not actually—”

Whatever Gideon said next was drowned out by Eli and Martin murmuring to each other, taking out their phones, and Martin opening his briefcase.

But Kelvin found his eyes glued to his brother and nephew.

What was that about?

“There’s a prominent—what are they called, Martin?” Eli asked, leaning over to rifle through the papers that Martin had just retrieved from his briefcase.

“‘Blogger’.”

“Blogger,” Eli repeated, with a wave of his hand. “There’s a prominent blogger online that has been criticizing our apparent…lack of diversity on GODD. He says that while we may preach inclusion, our catalog of mostly…what was it again?”

“Straight white folk,” Martin quoted, scanning the pages.

“Straight white folk,” Eli nodded, “doesn’t align with our message of the Gemstones ‘welcoming all.’ And I have to say, I agree. So,” he clapped his hands together. “Any ideas on how to rectify that?"

Silence fell over the table.

Kelvin stared doggedly at his plate, his stomach a little queasy all of a sudden.

“Well,” Gideon eventually piped up, taking a sip of his Coke. “You could produce an LGBT movie about being gay and Christian. Tell their story.”

Kelvin froze, his water glass halfway to his mouth.

“There’s an idea,” Eli hummed, he and Martin exchanging another look.

Kelvin felt lightheaded.

“You okay, Brother Kelvin?” Keefe asked quietly, leaning into him.

He shakily nodded, letting out a breath, trying not to draw attention to himself as he felt his heart hammer painfully in his chest.

What’s wrong with me?

“I think that’s a great idea, Dr. Gemstone,” BJ grinned before nodding at Gideon. “And you could do the stunts—”

“What kinda ‘stunts’ will this homosexual motion picture have, BJ?” Jesse laughed. “Is the main character a gay Jean Claude Van Damme, or somethin’?”

“He could be,” Judy jumped in, “it’s 2022, Jesse, gay guys can be whatever they want now.”

“Yeah,” BJ agreed, “Neil Patrick Harris played a womanizer on CBS for nine years. It’s called ‘acting.’”

“I uh, have a movie to shoot in Georgia,” Gideon said slowly, staring at the two of them before turning to his grandfather, “but I can talk to some of my friends and colleagues. See if anyone would be interested in joining the production?”

“Good idea, son. Use those fancy Hollywood connections,” Jesse grinned, clapping him on the shoulder before addressing Eli. “Levi has a writer friend, Daddy. And he also helped us direct all those infomercials and music videos. And Kelvin, you can help too. Didn’t you do all that…theater stuff in school?”

Kelvin jumped when he heard his name. Blinking rapidly, he took a deep breath, feeling as if he had been underwater for the last few minutes. He ignored Keefe’s heavy gaze on the side of his face.

“Uh, I–I guess—”

“Great,” Eli nodded as Martin took down a few notes. “Martin will get the appropriate finances in order. Jesse, you contact Levi and his screenwriter friend. I want production to start ASAP.”

“You got it, Daddy.”

“Oh, Daddy, what about a musical number?” Judy began to ask as a ringing started up in Kelvin’s ears. “The gays love musicals and I could do a song with…”

The ringing grew louder and louder until it was all Kelvin could hear.

Guess the Gemstones were making a movie. A movie about being Christian and gay.

Cool.

“Wow. I’ve never been on a real movie set before.”

Kelvin nodded at Keefe who was openly in awe of all the hustle and bustle going on around them. It was the first official day of pre-production and they had just arrived at the studio that would be the main hub for GODD’s ninety-minute anthology film, “Gay with God.”

“Is Levi really sold on the title?” Kelvin stared at the call sheet with a furrowed brow.

“I think it’s a reference to ‘go with God,’” Keefe shrugged as Kelvin snatched up one of the scripts left by the script supervisor and flicked through it.

The knot that had started to form in his stomach a month ago, tightened.

Must be some kinda bug.

“Hey, guys! Whatcha think?” a voice suddenly called out.

Kelvin looked up to find his older brother waving them over, Levi standing next to him in his usual quiet manner.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he made his way over to them, painting on a smile.

“Yeah, it’s…cool.”

Jesse hummed in agreement.

“Right?! With Gideon bein’ in the biz, I’ve been to my fair share of movie sets by now. And I gotta say, it’s awesome! There’s even talk of Nick Jonas signin’ on for the lead role!”

Keefe let out an excited whoop at that, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Kelvin looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

Huh. I didn't know Keefe was a Nick Jonas fan.

Levi caught his attention when he took a step forward, tilted his head, looking pensive.

“Uh, Kelvin, Keefe, if y'all don't mind, could I get you to be stand-ins, please? We haven’t cast the supporting actors yet, but I’d like to run the scene.”

Kelvin blinked, gaping at him.

“You want…you want me and Keefe to—to act this out?”

He held up the script and shook it, keeping his eyes firmly away from Jesse.

Levi’s eyebrows furrowed, having Kelvin worrying what his tone was saying. He wasn't homophobic or nothin’. Of course not. He wasn’t a dick. He just wasn't much of an actor.

“If…that’s okay?” Levi looked over to Keefe, who seemed equally stunned.

"Yeah, yeah sure," Kelvin jumped in animatedly, not wanting Levi to get the wrong idea. "Where do you want us?"

He could feel Jesse's eyes watching him as he walked onto the living room set, script bunched up in his hands, waiting for Keefe to join him.

"Alright, I'll leave you movie nerds to it," Jesse called out, nudging Levi. "I've got Executive Producer shit to do. So, if you'll excuse me…"

With that, he turned on his heel and stalked away without a backward glance, snatching up a croissant from the craft table without breaking his stride.

Kelvin watched his brother go, still baffled at how gung-ho he was being about all this. At first, he thought it was to show his support for Gideon's work while reaping in the good press, but as time wore on, something was telling Kelvin that there was more to it. He just wasn't sure what.

"Alright, there's your mark," Levi steered Keefe (who now had a script in his hand) over to stand opposite Kelvin, snapping him from his reverie.

"We start on page 47. Keefe, you're playing Xavier, Kelvin, you're playing Zachariah. They are best friends who have just realized that they're in love with each other."

Kelvin gaped at him, heart hammering in his ears as Levi went to sit behind the camera, leaning over and murmuring to the operator.

"And, action!"

Best friends who have realized that they're in love with each other…

"Uh…"

He stared down at the pages, finding his vision blurry, the words swimming in a haze. He blinked rapidly, trying to slow his breathing.

It's no big deal, just read the words. The words that were written by someone else. No biggie.

“I-I am loved by God,” Kelvin read aloud, his voice a touch too high. “And I love God in return. But I also—” he swallowed down the sudden lump in his throat, keeping his eyes fixed on the pages, “but I also love you. My best friend. With all my heart. And have for a long time."

There was a pause that couldn't have been more than three seconds but felt like an eternity before Keefe cleared his throat, eyes flickering from Kelvin, down to the script and back up, his shoulders tense.

“I too am loved by God and love Him,” he delivered surprisingly well, considering the clunky dialogue, holding his hand out as if he were in a Shakespearean play. “But have come to realize over the years, that you too, hold my heart. You always have.”

Kelvin clenched his sweaty palms as his eyes met Keefe's, struggling to remember what he was doing, those words ringing in his ears as he hastily scanned the script for what his character was supposed to say next.

Zachariah leans in and kisses Xavier on the mouth.

Kelvin’s heart stopped.

“Uh,” his eyes shot over to Levi, “it says—” he cleared his throat, “it says we have to ki—”

“Oh, you can skip that if you prefer,” Levi interjected, “it’s just to get a sense of dialogue.”

If I prefer?

Kelvin's tongue felt like sandpaper in his mouth, but he managed a nod, looking back down at the script. The rest of the scene was much the same but he forced himself to just read the words and not think too hard about it.

Huh. Maybe this acting thing is easier than it looks.

“And…cut. Okay, that's great," Levi smiled gently. "You guys mind comin’ back tomorrow to run more lines? Auditions are ongoin', but I wanna get a feel for the scene now, in case it needs re-writes.”

Kelvin met Keefe’s gaze. His face gave nothing away but he slowly nodded.

“Um, sure. Okay.”

The ride back home was pretty quiet. Keefe was rarely a chatty Cathy at the best of times, but Kelvin couldn't help but notice that he seemed even more reserved than usual. It was only when they were tucking into their steamed chicken fillets that Kelvin couldn't take the silence anymore.

"That was somethin' today huh, bud? Shooting a scene on an actual movie set?"

Keefe looked up from his plate, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Yeah. It felt like being one of those stars from the old Hollywood movies my mama used to watch when I was a boy,” he gave a small smile as he pierced a piece of carrot with his fork.

“You were good,” Kelvin heard himself say before he could stop himself, “really made me believe what you were saying.”

A flush of red coloured Keefe’s cheeks at that as he stared down at his plate, pushing around his food.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, “you were good too.”

“I wasn’t,” Kelvin chuckled, “but I appreciate ya sayin’ so.”

Kelvin had been performing, in one way or another, since he was a child. He grew up around a similar buzz to movie sets. He wasn’t nervous around cameras or live audiences, teleprompters or stage lights, but he could admit that today, he had not given his best performance. In fact, it was downright awful.

And a sinking feeling in his gut told him why.

But he ignored it.

“It’ll be fun to hang out there again tomorrow,” Keefe commented over Kelvin’s inner turmoil, a little line in between his eyebrows that told him that he could tell something was off.

“Yeah,” Kelvin agreed a little woodenly, “fun.”

Keefe put his plate down on the coffee table before turning to face him.

“Brother Kelvin, are you o—”

“Guess we should go through the script, huh? Get in some practice for tomorrow?”

What are you doing?

Keefe blinked, clearly taken aback.

“Oh, uh, okay. If you want to?”

He did want to. That was the problem.

“Uh, now?” Keefe asked, his voice even softer than usual, watching as Kelvin jumped up to snatch the copies of the script (that Levi insisted they bring home) from off the kitchen counter.

He held one out to Keefe.

“Y-Yeah,” Kelvin rasped, ignoring every cell in his body that was screaming at him to run, run away now, goshdarnit. “I’ll—I’ll take it from the top.”

An odd expression that Kelvin couldn’t place crossed Keefe’s face at that.

“O-Okay.”

He gently took the script from his grasp, their fingers brushing slightly.

Kelvin ignored the heat pooling in his stomach and forced himself to focus on the script, eyes catching on the start of the scene.

Keeping his voice as steady as he could, he read: “I-I am loved by God. And I love God in return. But I also—” he took a breath. “But I also love you. My best friend. With all my heart. And have for a long time."

Like before, there was a beat of silence.

Kelvin allowed himself to look up, his heart leaping into his throat when Keefe’s dark eyes bore into his.

“I too am loved by God and love Him,” he said without even having to glance down at the words. “But have come to realize over the years, that you too, hold my heart. You always have.”

Kelvin held his breath.

Zachariah leans in and kisses Xavier on the mouth.

“And then they kiss,” Keefe hurriedly skipped ahead.

“We could.”

The words shot from Kelvin’s mouth with no input from his brain.

His heart hammered against his ribcage as slowly, Keefe looked up from his script, eyebrows furrowed.

“...what?”

What on God’s green Earth are you doing?! Move on. Go to the next line, Gemstone! Skip—

“We could kiss. I mean, for the sake of the movie. For Levi and his writer friend to see their vision and all.”

Keefe stared at him.

And stared.

And stared some more.

Kelvin felt an itch crawl under his skin as he stood his ground. Waiting with bated breath.

“...Okay.”

“Okay?”

Keefe nodded, eyes clouded with something Kelvin couldn't read.

Neither moved.

Keefe cleared his throat. “Uh, should I repeat my li—”

Kelvin shot forward and pressed their lips together in a chaste, clumsy kiss.

His first in over six years.

And his first one ever that made him feel…something. Like a bolt of lightning just shot through his entire body.

None of the others ever felt like this.

Startled, he stumbled back, breaking the kiss abruptly before Keefe could even unfreeze.

“L-Love is not a sin,” he gasped out the next line as his brain whirred a hundred miles a second.

He kept his gaze firmly planted on the script, breathing far too heavily. His labored gasps were the only sound in the room as Keefe failed to say his line. Face on fire, Kelvin’s eyes were drawn back up to his best friend as if compelled by magnets. He swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat at the indiscernible look he found on his equally flushed face.

“...Keefe?”

Keefe’s eyes snapped to him. He shook his head vigorously.

“How I feel about you could never be a sin.”

Kelvin’s heart jolted tightly in his chest as if a hand had squeezed it.

“W-What?”

Keefe glanced down at his script, the pages shaking a little in his grasp.

“No uh, your next line is, ‘God don’t make mistakes.’”

Right. Acting. He’s acting. We’re both acting!

Taking a deep breath in and out, Kelvin squared his shoulders, forcing himself to shove any and all thoughts but the words in front of him out of his mind.

“God don’t make mistakes.”

God may not make mistakes, but Kelvin Gemstone sure did.

And kissing his best friend may have been his biggest mistake yet.

And honestly? That was saying a lot.

He hadn’t slept a wink last night, the ghost of Keefe’s slightly chapped lips on his own, haunting him as he tossed and turned for hours to no avail.

They had retired to their rooms almost immediately after rehearsing the scene, muttering hushed ‘night nights’ and forgoing their usual hug. The air had been…charged with something, even Kelvin couldn’t deny that, but not for lack of trying.

He spent the next several sleepless hours berating himself over and over and over for giving in to the temptation of—except, it wasn’t temptation, right? It couldn’t be. Because Kelvin didn’t want to kiss his best friend. Kelvin didn’t have…didn’t have desires or anything like that. Of course not. He and Keefe had always been…maybe a little closer than some friends would be, (according to his opinionated dickwad family members anyway), but that was all there was to it. Just two dudes hangin’ out, living together, sharing their—

“Mornin’,” Keefe grumbled, his voice a little hoarse as he shuffled into the room.

Kelvin startled, glancing up from his Cheerios and Lucky Charm mix and promptly choking on a spoonful at the sight of his best friend dressed for the day in one of the many nice black shirts that Kelvin had recently bought him. It clung to him like a second skin and was just sheer enough that Kelvin could make out the outline of his nipp—nope. No.

He hurriedly looked away, crossing to the fridge, burying his face in the door, and safely away from Keefe and his new shirt. He had seen his roommate in various states of undress many, many times before, so the confusing buzz under his skin gave him pause. Despite having revamped his wardrobe a while ago, there was still something about seeing him in items of clothing that Kelvin bought especially for him that he didn’t have the words or brainpower to explain even to himself.

“Want some O.J., bud?” he asked, wincing at the crack in his voice.

“Yes please.”

They moved around one another in a fluid motion like they did every morning. Kelvin poured the juice as Keefe grabbed a bowl and spoon. When they were both sitting at the kitchen island, Kelvin finally allowed himself to take a breath.

And realized he had no idea what to say.

Thankfully, Keefe did.

“Heart,” he mumbled into his cereal.

Kelvin’s own heart took notice at that, picking up speed.

“What?”

“Your Wordle word. I think it’s ‘heart.’”

“Oh.”

He blinked down at his abandoned phone on the kitchen counter and typed it in.

H-E-A-R-T.

It turned green.

“Huh, cool,” Keefe gave a soft smile before tucking into his cereal without a care in the world.

Kelvin felt like he was crawling out of his skin. Everything was just so normal. They kissed last night, their lips had pressed against each other for three solid seconds and now Keefe was eating cereal and guessing his Wordle like it was no big deal.

What the heck?

“Hey guys, thanks for comin’ in,” Levi smiled softly as they came to a halt at the edge of the set.

The rest of the morning had passed in that weird-that-it-isn't-weird way, Keefe his usual peaceful and pleasant self, chiming in with comments and anecdotes every now and again to combat Kelvin's uncharacteristic silence, and before he knew it, they were back on the lot, faced with a cheerful Levi and about a half-dozen crew members buzzing around.

Kelvin shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “The Youth Squad are all in school right now so we’ve got a few hours to kill.”

Levi smiled at that, gesturing to a blond, bespectacled man who scrambled over to them from where he had been sitting by a camera.

“This is my friend, Luke O’Connor, he’s the scriptwriter. Luke, this is Kelvin Gemstone and his friend Keefe Chambers, they're helping us out with the scene today."

Luke tilted his head at the two of them appraisingly before extending his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Gemstone. Levi has told me a lot about your family’s teachings, it’s an honour.”

Kelvin side-eyed Levi for a split second, wondering just what exactly he had told this man about his family before he collected himself and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. O’Connor. You uh…you wrote quite a script.”

Very believable, Gemstone. Just top-notch acting there. Bravo.

If Luke suspected any dishonesty in Kelvin’s compliment, he didn’t let it show.

“Well, thank you, Mr. Gemstone, that means a lot. On that note…we have a proposition for you.”

Kelvin felt his eyebrows shoot up his forehead.

“...Oh?”

Levi turned sheepish, tilting his head.

“Our casting director happened to see what we filmed yesterday. You and Keefe runnin’ lines kinda like an unofficial screentest and…and she was impressed with your on-screen chemistry and was wondering if you’d consider takin’ on the roles.”

A familiar ringing started up in Kelvin’s ears.

“But auditions—”

“Have been unsuccessful so far,” Luke piped up, “and our thinkin’ was we could maybe have you guys do an official chemistry read? But honestly, we’re pretty comfortable offering the roles to you and Keefe as it is.”

Kelvin forgot how to breathe.

“O-Oh, wow,” Keefe recovered first, wringing his hands, clearly at a loss of what else to say.

“It’s totally up to you, of course. They’re smaller, supporting roles, but important ones,” Luke continued, eyes trained on Kelvin, “but with your experience, Mr. Gemstone, it could really—”

“Okay.”

He heard the hitching of Keefe’s breath beside him but kept his eyes firmly on Luke who beamed from ear to ear.

“Great, fantastic,” he turned, “and you, Keefe?”

There was a tiny scuff mark on the wall above Levi’s head that Kelvin kept his rapt attention on as the pause stretched and stretched until eventually...

“I—yes, okay,” Keefe rasped, his voice a little tinny. “I-I mean, I don’t have any showbiz experience like Mr. Gemstone—”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that, Keefe. From what I saw from yesterday, you’ll be great,” Luke threw them a thumbs up before placing his hand on Levi’s shoulder, smiling gently. “Can we start from the bedroom scene?”

The bedroom scene?!

The ringing grew louder.

As if on autopilot, Kelvin’s legs carried him over to where neon tape was laid down on the wooden floor of the set, about a foot from a nondescript-looking double-bed. He stood right up to it, silently counting his breaths as his heart beat faster and faster in his chest.

"Kelvin…” Keefe whispered as he walked past him and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Have you…read the rest of the script?"

Levi and Luke were busy muttering to each other over by the cameras, their heads tilted close together in a way that suggested that it was something they did frequently. Kelvin watched them for a moment, a stirring in his stomach.

“No, Keefe, I haven’t,” he said around a sigh, keeping his eyes on the duo. “Why?”

“Well—”

“Levi? Levi!”

Kelvin jumped at the sudden sound of his sister’s shrill voice rapidly approaching.

“I said I wanted gardenias for my musical number! Not whatever the fuck those prickly-pussy-lookin’-things are!”

Kelvin shared a look with Keefe, rolling his eyes as Judy rocked up with her usual flourish, wearing a blindingly white and sparkly leotard and leg warmers, BJ trailing along behind her looking vaguely apologetic and…horny? Honestly, Kelvin never could tell with that guy.

“Well Ms. Gemstone, we’re still only in the rehearsal stage so—”

“What is the point of giving the gays what they want if I have to do it surrounded by a dozen pussy plants! I mean, won’t that be a turn-off for the dudes?”

“I think seeing you at all will be a turn-off for everybody,” Kelvin snorted.

Judy slowly raised her middle finger at him without looking away from Levi.

“You really think what ‘the gays’ want is you tap-dancing in a white leotard surrounded by gardenias?” Kelvin couldn’t help but prod, squinting at her.

She whirled around and glared at him, throwing up her hands.

“I don’t know, Kelvin, you tell me!”

The fuck does that mean?

“Okay, okay,” Levi jumped in before Kelvin could retort, gently leading Judy away from the set with hushed tones and promises of “Gardenias by the end of the week, Ms. Gemstone, you got it.”

Kelvin watched them go for a beat, hyper-aware of Keefe’s eyes on him.

“...what were you sayin’ about the rest of the script, bud?”

He slowly allowed himself to look back to his best friend who was, just as he thought, staring up at him with an unreadable expression.

“I…” Keefe shook his head, staring down at his hands. “You’ll see, I guess."

Kelvin frowned at him, clenching the rolled-up script tighter in his grip.

“Okay, ready guys?” Levi asked as he made his way back over to stand next to Luke and the camera operator, having dealt with Judy and her BS.

“We’re gonna take it from page 62. Just go through the lines as best ya can, no worries about being off-book yet, it’s only a chemistry test for now.”

Anxiety nipped at Kelvin’s heels as he hastily unfurled the script and flipped to page 62, quickly scanning the scene in question.

Oh, shit.

His eyes darted up to find Keefe who was very pointedly not looking back at him, focusing down on his own lines, gnawing on his bottom lip.

The same bottom lip that Kelvin would be required to gnaw on in the next few minutes as their characters shared a ‘passionate embrace.’

Fuck.

“Okay, places everybody, quiet on set,” Levi called out, startling Kelvin who leaped just about three feet in the air.

It was then that he was made very aware that there were at least a dozen crew members littered about the open space, their eyes all locked on him silently. Watching. Waiting. Judging.

Fuuuuuck.

He did not think this through. At all.

Thankfully, Judy was nowhere in sight.

It was a consolation. If only a small one.

Beads of sweat broke out on Kelvin’s forehead as bright, burning lights switched on overhead.

“We’re rollin’,” Levi called out, his voice still somehow soft while slightly louder than normal, “and…action!”

Alright, get it together, Gemstone. It’s just acting. It doesn’t mean anything. You can do—

“I don’t wanna hide you.”

Kelvin forced himself to look up as Keefe spoke, his voice earnest even as his eyes darted from him and back down to the page.

“I never wanna…h-hide how I feel about you. Not again.”

Kelvin’s heart ricocheted against his ribcage at the ache laced in Keefe’s tone.

Shit. He really is a good actor.

…I can be too.

Taking in a deep breath, he stared down at the words, letting his mind go blank.

“I–I don’t want to either, baby.”

He dropped to his knees, reaching out and resting his palms on Keefe’s thighs, placing the script face-up across his lap.

Their eyes met.

Kelvin swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I…I love you too much to ever go back to that.”

With another shaky breath, he quickly glanced back down to the script, his hands clenching slightly on Keefe’s thighs.

Keefe jerked a little at the contact but didn’t break character, just kept staring at him as if he had hung the moon and stars. Kelvin shoved down the surge of warmth spreading through him at that fond gaze aimed his way and leaned up, shortening the space between them until half an inch remained. And waited. Holding his breath.

After what felt like an eternity, Keefe’s eyes fluttered shut, and he closed the tiny gap with his lips.

That same jolt of electricity shot through Kelvin just like before, only this time it was followed by a shudder when Keefe pressed a little firmer, his hands coming up to frame Kelvin’s face.

Horrifyingly, a moan clawed its way up Kelvin’s throat at that, his own right hand reaching up and burying itself in Keefe’s surprisingly-soft hair, pulling him even closer as he opened his mouth wider, Keefe’s tongue trailing his bottom lip and—

“Cut!”

Keefe wrenched himself back so suddenly that Kelvin tipped forward, almost falling directly into his lap.

“S-Sorry, friend,” Keefe muttered, his dark eyes averted, his chest heaving.

“‘S’okay,” Kelvin gasped back as he righted himself, a molten heat flowing through him from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

“Wow, that was great, guys,” Levi said suddenly, appearing over Kelvin’s shoulder, he and Luke exchanging a glance that he couldn’t read. “Good job. You uh…you really sold it.”

“Yeah,” Luke agreed, a mirroring smile on his face. “Goes without sayin’ that you passed the chemistry test with flyin’ colours.”

Something flipped over in Kelvin’s stomach at that.

It was then he realized he was still kneeling at Keefe’s feet, one hand still resting heavily on his thigh. Smothering a wince both in embarrassment and at the protest of his very sore knees, Kelvin awkwardly stood up, careful not to brush off Keefe again, his clothes feeling too tight against his body and his heart too big for his chest.

“G-Great,” he forced himself to reply, not looking anyone in the eye.

“I have some re-writes to do before the final draft,” Luke continued, resting a hand on Levi’s shoulder and turning to him. “But I’ll see you later, right? We could maybe...grab some dinner? Alonso’s at 8?”

Kelvin watched as a very noticeable blush spread across Levi’s cheeks as he fought to keep eye contact.

“Y-Yeah. Sounds good.”

Flashing another smile and a nod at Kelvin and Keefe, Luke turned on his heel and walked away, a spring in his step.

Huh. Interesting…

Kelvin found his attention drawn to Levi’s face, the gentle smile and the redness of his cheeks, something in it resonating with him.

He shook his head before he could go too far down that rabbit hole.

“Alright, guys,” Levi snapped from his reverie, “let’s talk wardrobe.”

The ride home later that evening was so silent, Kelvin briefly entertained the idea that he had somehow lost his hearing over the course of the day. He hadn’t of course, but he had felt off in a way that he couldn’t explain to the point that he surreptitiously text the Youth Squad group chat to inform the kids that training would not be going ahead as normal after school and that he would instead see them on Monday.

Keefe had thrown him a look when he was notified of the message but didn’t say anything.

Had barely said anything since that first scene of the day.

Since he had licked along Kelvin’s bottom lip in front of a dozen people and made him feel like he was vibrating out of his skin—Keefe Chambers hadn’t uttered a syllable except when directly asked a question. Even when trying on dozens and dozens of outfits, ranging from gothic to garish, he hadn’t made a sound. But it wasn’t like Kelvin was much better. In fact, he knew he very much wasn’t. Had made several failed attempts during the day to say something, anything, in fact, but came up empty every time. (Being exposed to glimpses of the expanse of Keefe’s tan skin hadn’t helped matters either.)

Because, unfortunately, an itch had settled underneath his own skin by now. Something he desperately wanted to scratch at, gnaw at until he bled, but cold, hard fear held him firmly in place.

And kept his mouth shut.

So he kept his hands busy instead.

As soon as he pulled up to the house, he bolted from the jeep to quickly open the front door without a backward glance, darting into the kitchen and immediately putting his idle hands to work.

‘Cause idle hands are the devil’s playthings.

And honestly? Kelvin didn’t trust his devilish digits to not grasp for Keefe’s hair again if he lost focus for even one second.

“I was thinkin’ tacos, buddy,” he finally spoke a full sentence in the safety of the space between the kitchen island and the oven, his back to Keefe, who he heard shuffle into the room. “That good with you?”

“I–I’ll chop the tomatoes,” came the quiet response.

They worked in near silence for Kelvin wasn’t sure how long, moving around each other as routinely as ever, the only sounds being their footsteps, chopping, and the sizzle of the frying pan. Once everything was simmering, he finally allowed himself to sneak a glimpse of his best friend, only to find him looking right back at him.

“We have a scene like this, you know?” Keefe spoke, barely audible over the sizzle of diced chicken. “Where Xavier and Zachariah make dinner together.”

Kelvin froze, cursing himself again for still not having read the full script.

“O-Oh yeah?” he cleared his throat, hyper-aware of the thick tension engulfing them as Keefe’s shoulders brushed against his where they stood, side by side, preparing a side-salad.

“Yeah.”

Kelvin felt as if he were on a precipice with a hundred-foot drop, and still, he asked, voice barely above a whisper:

“And what…happens?”

A little line formed in between Keefe’s eyebrows as he shrugs.

“Well, they—"

"Show me."

The words burst from him in half a breath. He wanted to snatch them back mid-air but also…didn’t. Instead, he merely tilted his head and waited, almost as if daring him to—

Keefe pressed Kelvin back into the door of the fridge, one hand on his hip and the other gently cradling the back of his head, cushioning the impact. A gasp punched out from deep in Kelvin’s stomach as he looked up and met the dark, shining eyes of his best friend, looking at him as if…as if…

No. That can’t be right.

“They do this,” Keefe mumbled, searching Kelvin’s face.

“Just this?” Kelvin asked, the words seeming to echo between them.

Something flickered in Keefe’s eyes, then. He bit his lip. Kelvin homed in on it like a beacon.

“No. Not just this.”

They stared at one another, neither breathing.

Kelvin crashed their lips together, dragging Keefe’s face into him and swallowing his gasp of surprise with his mouth. Reaching up, he allowed his hand to sneak back into his hair, clenching it tightly between his fingers. A moan rocked through Kelvin as their chests pressed tightly together, Keefe’s tongue lightly tracing his bottom lip.

This time, Kelvin wasted no time in opening his mouth, deepening the kiss, and licking behind his teeth with passion and enthusiasm surging through his veins, not holding anything back. Keefe’s grip on his hip tightened, and Kelvin groaned at the heat from his hand seeping through the fabric of his T-shirt.

He could feel himself getting hard in his already tight jeans as Keefe sucked on his tongue, his hand cupping the base of his skull as he pressed even closer to him.

Oh shit, oh fuck—

Keefe suddenly broke the kiss with an embarrassingly loud smack, dropping his hands from him and stumbling back.

“Y-You’re a good actor, Kelvin Gemstone,” he breathed into the space between them that couldn’t have been more than a foot but felt like a chasm.

“Back…back atcha, bud,” Kelvin gasped, his entire body zinging with electrifying heat as he fought to slow his racing heart and very inconvenient semi.

Bzzz. Bzzzz.

Kelvin jumped at the sudden fibration omitting from his pocket.

Keeping his eyes averted, he turned and discreetly rearranged his pants before retrieving his phone from his pocket and checking the new text.

“I-It’s Jesse,” he muttered over his shoulder, annoyance twinging in his gut. “He wants us to meet him and Levi at his house. Doesn’t say why.”

Typical Jesse. Dramatic AF.

“A-Alright then,” Keefe replied, clearing his throat, “guess tacos will have to wait, huh?”

Yeah. So would a lot of things. Like the impending freak-out pushing against the weak, rusted bars of its steel cage in Kelvin’s head.

Jesse and Levi were in the foyer when Kelvin and Keefe pulled up in their golf cart. To say that the short ride from his house had been silent as the grave, would be an understatement. If Kelvin thought he had lost his hearing earlier today, now he felt as if the entire world’s sound had been switched off.

Ignoring the rising panic swirling in the vicinity of his already tumultuous stomach, he jumped out of the cart, not waiting for his best friend, and pushed through the unlocked door, halting a few feet from his brother, whose face remained unreadable.

“And what couldn’t wait until I ate dinner?” he asked, deciding to get straight to the point as he apparently couldn’t manage anything else close to straight the last two days.

He felt rather than saw Keefe come to stand next to him.

Levi cleared his throat, eyes shifting around the room, unwilling to settle anywhere for longer than a few seconds.

“Something wrong, Levi?”

“Oh, uh—no, nothing’s wrong, Kelvin,” Levi mumbled, running a hand through his long hair, before wincing, “it’s just…Dr. Gemstone has been contacted by Nick Jonas’ people, and he’s definitely interested in collaborating on the project.”

Kelvin knew that that was meant to be good news, but couldn’t help the feeling of foreboding that threatened to wash over him like a tidal wave. He tried to contort his face into something impassive, though, as Jesse caught his eye.

“Daddy thinks it would be good press, having another Jonas brother involved in the church’s projects,” he added, a gleam in his gaze. “So, naturally, he wants him front and center. Meaning the anthology feel of the movie will be dissolved to focus more on the main character.”

Something heavy sank in Kelvin’s gut. Keefe shifted his weight from foot to foot next to him.

“You’re firin’ us…?”

Levi and Jesse exchanged a glance.

“Not both of you,” Jesse shrugged, waving a hand at Keefe. “Nick watched some of the footage today and apparently likes Keefe’s uh…‘look’? So, it’s just you who’s out, hermano. Keefe stays. And in a bigger role too, like an All-American, God-fearin’, blond Russell Brand-type, only Christian and Nick Jonas’ love interest.”

Kelvin’s jaw dropped.

Keefe’s gonna make out with Nick Jonas?!

“Sorry Kelvin,” Levi winced, “I really did fight for ya.”

Levi folded like a house of cards, Kelvin knew that much. But he didn’t blame him. The Gemstones were formidable when they wanted to be, and his Daddy was King.

He could never compete with Nick Jonas. Fuck, not even Kevin Jonas.

“If it’s any consolation, Judy and her weird-ass musical number’s cut too,” Jesse snorted.

It was a consolation. If only a small one.

“C’mon, you should be happy, Kelvin,” Jesse grabbed his shoulder after he had been silent for too long. “Nick is a…what’s it called? Gay icon? Ally? Whatever. He’s a big deal. He’s the straight, male version of Britney Spears. And a bigger deal for the church and shaping the image of inclusion for the BLTs. This is a good thing!”

“LGBTs,” Kelvin grumbled under his breath as Jesse gave him a shake, laughing.

“Exactly. And just think, one more and we’ve got the full Jonas set!” he beamed, clapping his hands together before he leaned into Levi and began to walk out through the door and down to where Levi’s car was parked. “You think they’ll bring their wives? I’ve got a ton of stuff I’d like signed and…”

“I’m gonna tell Daddy you binge-watched Game of Thrones! And Quantico!” Kelvin yelled after his brother as disappointment steadily began to mix with anger and anxiety. “They’re not approved Christian viewing, Jesse!”

Jesse, without faltering in his steps, held up his middle finger in the air, flipping him off smoothly, still animatedly chatting with a noticeably conflicted Levi.

Silence draped over the room like a giant, weighted blanket. Really, Kelvin should have been used to it by now, but somehow, this silence felt worse than any that had come before. He was mindful of the fact that Keefe was standing off to the side, glancing from the space Jesse just occupied to Kelvin, and back again, unsurprisingly lost for words.

“Well, guess that’s the end of my movie career, then.”

And other things, too.

Shit.

The tacos went uneaten.

The elephant in the room went unspoken.

And Kelvin Gemstone went unrested. Again.

As soon as they got back home, Keefe had headed straight for his room, muttering an "I'm gonna get some sleep. Night, night,” as Kelvin stood rooted to the floor, staring after him.

After what could have been thirty seconds or two hours, he couldn’t be sure, he had forced his anchored feet to move, shuffling around the kitchen and clearing away their dinner. It was as he reached out to put the containers in the fridge that he flushed hot, a spark igniting in his gut as he was viscerally reminded of less than an hour ago, how Keefe had pressed him up against that very same door and kissed him as if he were a man parched and Kelvin was his only source of water.

Jesus Christ.

Thinking the Lord’s name in vain didn’t count, right? Just like his swear words didn’t count either.

Shaking his head to rid himself of the vestiges of those haunting images, he quickly put everything away and bolted to his room, resigning himself to his fate of another sleepless night. Now, after three hours of tossing and turning, he was proved right.

He tried everything to make himself tired. He flicked through the hundreds of channels on the flatscreen built into the base of his bed, he fucked around on his phone, losing many games of Tetris and Candy Crush, basically everything he could think of except the actual one thing he really wanted to do.

The familiar stirring in his gut had him shifting on the bed, turning onto his back, and detangling the sheets from around his waist.

He glared down at his crotch.

Nope. No. Not gonna happen, buddy.

Kelvin was 32 years old, dammit. A grown-ass man. He no longer believed that when you dealt with your nocturnal emissions that an alarm went off in heaven alerting your ghost grandma or whatever other bullshit Daddy and Jesse tried drilling into his head when he was a kid. But that didn’t mean he felt any less guilt about it. He was celibate, not a Saint. Sometimes he just…needed to ease the pressure, scratch that itch so he wouldn’t be tempted to seek out someone else to scratch it for him. It wasn't outright breaking his vow, just…bending it a little. That didn’t make him a bad Christian, no matter what others might think. He knew that. It was just hard (heh) to believe it sometimes.

With a mix of guilt, shame, and horrifying lust swirling in his chest, he squeezed his eyes closed, willing away the feel of Keefe’s lips on his, how good it had felt to have his body pressed flush against his, his hand hot against his hip.

What did make him a bad Christian was fantasizing about his best friend with carnal intent. He was a bad Christian and a worse friend.

It was acting. Acting! It wasn’t real you dumb—

With a growl, he reached over to his nightstand where the script lay, crumpled and forgotten.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess.

Flicking it open to the first page, he began to read the script for Gay with God in full.

He made it to page 27 before he started to cry.

“I’m just empathetic,” he sniffled to himself as he read of the protagonist’s plight of unrequited love for the guitarist of a Christian Rock band. “I’m an empathetic person, that’s all.”

The words sounded hollow to his ears.

As he read on, those same words got more and more difficult to believe as he found himself relating to certain feelings and situations that he had gone through in his own life. How he had not quite understood when some of the boys at school would obsess over girls—their boobs and legs or whether they’d ever “played the pink oboe” and asked Kelvin what he wanted to do with a girl only for his brain to supply, “...talk about our Lord and Saviour?”

Or that time when he found Jesse’s porno magazines under his mattress and anxiously flipped through them, getting more and more confused and stressed not at the sin he was committing, but rather how he felt nothing while he did it. Or, how at the many, many weddings he had been to over his lifetime, he had never yearned, never ached for the wife and children, the safe, settled life, even when his Daddy kept trying to set him up. How when he watched his siblings, friends, and congregation, all walk down that path that he found that he didn’t want to follow. That feeling of being on the outside, looking in, always haunting him with every step he didn’t make.

When he got to Xavier and Zachariah’s section of the script, he almost snapped it shut when all he could picture when reading the words was himself and Keefe. He and Keefe sharing a kiss in his bedroom, Keefe pressing him up against the fridge, Kelvin confessing his love to his best friend after years and years of—

Knock, knock.

He jumped at the sudden sound at his bedroom door.

Scrambling to sit up, his legs tangled in his bedsheets, he put down the script and hurriedly threw off his covers and stumbled across the room, running a hand through his unruly hair.

Taking a deep breath, knowing what could only lay behind it, Kelvin reached out and pulled the door open.

There, looking sleep-rumpled and sheepish, stood Keefe Chambers, wringing his hands and not quite looking him in the eye.

Kelvin’s heart did a somersault in his chest.

“Geez, it’s late, bud. You okay? Thought you wanted to get some sleep before meeting Nick Jonas tomorrow?”

Keefe shifted his weight from foot to foot before shrugging at the floor.

“I called Levi and told him to recast my role. The bright lights of Hollywood ain’t for me, Kelvin. I don’t wanna be the blond, gay, American Russell Brand. Even if the clothes are cool. I-I only liked acting when I got to do it with you.”

Kelvin blinked, his brain feeling like it was being tossed around a tumble dryer with a pair of sneakers.

"You…you are gay, then?"

Something shuttered down over Keefe's face as he took a step back, hand coming up to rub at his chest.

"I-I'm not sure what I am if I'm honest," he replied, eyes trained on a spot over Kelvin’s shoulder, "but I-I do have…attraction to the male form, yes."

Kelvin let that wash over him. A familiar heat unfurled in his stomach.

Say something, say something, say any—

"Do you not wanna make out with Nick Jonas?"

Now, Kelvin was no expert on the matter, but he was pretty sure there were better ways to respond when a close friend comes out to you. Each and every single example just happened to slip from his brain as soon as the words "attraction to the male form" left Keefe's lips.

"No, I do not wanna make out with Nick Jonas," Keefe replied, eyes searching for something on Kelvin's face.

Kelvin had no idea what his face was saying back.

"Would it…bother you if I made out with Nick Jonas?”

Kelvin scoffed, his breathing thinning.

“What? No. What? Why would I care? It’s just acting. Doesn’t mean anything.”

Keefe stared at him.

“Right.”

“And even if it wasn’t, you’re entitled to make out with whoever you want. You’re a free agent. ‘Cept Nick Jonas isn’t, so me and God would obviously not your condone adultery, but—”

“Kelvin.”

“Yeah, bud?”

Keefe stared at him for another long beat before rubbing the back of his neck and beginning to step down the hallway.

“I-I’m gonna go to bed now. I’m sorry for disturbing you. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be available for my Youth Squad duties as normal. Night, night.”

Kelvin watched him walk away from him for the second time that night. Alarm bells zinged throughout his entire body that propelled him forward, racing down the hallway and reaching out to clasp Keefe’s shoulder.

“Keefe, wait!”

Keefe stopped in his tracks, slowly turning. Kelvin took a breath and left his hand where it was.

“I–I think you’re better than Nick Jonas or Joe Jonas—I think you’re a better actor than you give yourself credit for ‘cause I sure as hell felt loved when you kissed me.”

The words ripped from Kelvin’s mouth all in one breath as the words of the script echoed in the back of his mind. He understood now. Just why it was he had always felt like he was on the outside looking in…and how he never felt like that around his best friend.

Shock spread across Keefe’s face, but Kelvin kept going, the words flowing from him like a waterfall.

“I really liked kissing you, Keefe,” he admitted quietly into the darkness. “I really, really liked it. P-Probably more than I should have. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for the last two days if I’m honest. And I–I know it was just acting for you, but—”

“It wasn’t.”

Kelvin’s heart skipped a beat.

“It wasn’t acting, Kelvin,” Keefe continued in his usual calm, quiet, sincere way. “I…meant it. All of it. I’m really not that good of an actor.”

Well, shit.

“I meant it too. And—I really wanna kiss you again.”

Kelvin did not plan to let those particular words escape his lips but, really, he wasn’t that good of an actor either. And he had been (badly) acting a certain way with Keefe all this time, and he was tired of it.

Keefe’s jaw slacked, his mouth dropping open, his eyes bugging slightly. Kelvin’s gaze locked onto his lips as he squeezed his shoulder.

“But I can't.”

“I know.”

Kelvin’s gaze shot up meeting Keefe’s dark eyes that were shining in the low light. He saw something reflected, there. Something like understanding and an ache that he knew all too well.

“I-I made a vow.”

Something twisted in Keefe’s face at that. A tiny line furrowing between his eyebrows as he tried to pull away.

“I know. I corrupted you, made you—”

“No Keefe, you didn't corrupt me,” Kelvin hurriedly cut across him, holding him steady and catching his eye again. “You made me feel good. Made me feel something I–I've never felt before. With anyone.”

Keefe let out a shaky breath, his eyes soft, almost reverent.

“Me too. You made me feel—I mean.”

Kelvin’s knees threatened to buckle underneath him as that admission settled between them.

I can be brave too.

“I know that if I let myself kiss you again, I won't wanna stop,” he rasped, his voice tinged with a pleading edge. “And I...I'm not ready for that. And I–I don't just mean sex, Keefe. I mean...everything.”

The committed, settled path they could walk together. Not exactly the same as those couples Kelvin saw growing up, but something similar, yet unique in its own way. Something forged together where they were no longer on the outside looking in, a journey made just for them.

“Okay. I understand.”

And he did. Kelvin knew that with every fiber of his being. Because Keefe knew him right back. Better than anyone had ever in his entire life. And because of that, Kelvin couldn’t afford to be selfish here.

Heaving in a deep breath, he forced out, “But I...I don't expect you to wait for me.”

“I will.”

The words were instantaneous, accompanied by a squeeze of the hand still resting on Keefe’s shoulder.

Kelvin let his eyes stare at their hands, so similar to the ones plastered all over GODD’s movie titles, interlocked, signifying strength and love. The perfect mix of what he had knowingly and unknowingly always wanted.

“I know,” he smiled, gaze trailing back up to his face. “Because you're the best. But you deserve better.”

Another squeeze to his hand.

“There is no one better, Kelvin. Not to me. I'll be here when you're ready.”

And that, that simple promise felt like so much more than any dramatic piece of dialogue from a gay Christian script. It held so much in such few syllables.

Keefe Chambers may have been a man of few words, but boy did he make ‘em count.

Something settled in Kelvin’s chest.

It’s okay. It’s all okay.

“So Levi’s writer friend is definitely in love with him, judgin’ by that script, huh?”

A small smile lifted Keefe’s lips.

“Yeah. I don’t reckon he knows, though.”

Kelvin blinked, scoffing.

“Come on, how can he not know?”

Keefe gave a tiny shrug, moving Kelvin’s hand with his shoulder.

“Sometimes we’re blind to what’s right in front of us.”

Kelvin swallowed.

“And sometimes we’re not.”

“And sometimes we’re not,” Keefe agreed softly. “I’ll see you in the morning, bright and early,” he gently dropped his hand and smiled, “night, night, Kelvin.”

Kelvin watched his best friend turn on his heel and go for the third time in as many hours and vowed to himself, much like he had all those years ago to God, that one day, when Keefe would turn, Kelvin would be there, alongside him, walking the path with him, not staring after him.

Some day.

“Night, night, Keefe.”