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The waves moved with such urgency it almost shocked him how fast it went. He didn’t expect it. Regulus didn’t know what to do, who to shout for, but who would hear him, who could save him at a time like this Kreacher was already long gone, he needed that dark thing destroyed, he needed it gone, even if he had to do it himself.
He knew it had to be him. He just hoped for that note, to survive, so someone, anyone knew what he had done. So nobody would have to venture this path again.
The waves moved faster, and faster, his hands struggling to move, his legs getting pulled farther and farther away from where he stood at the top of those crystals, the light was dimming, it was small light, he had brought it with him from home, Regulus hadn’t thought he wouldn’t be here too long, he thought it be an easy trip.
He knew he was being naive. He was always so naive.
Maybe that's what had gotten him here in the first place. He knew this would happen, from the moment he got the bloody mark he knew, but who else would do it. It couldn’t be Sirius, It could never be Sirius Black.
They were two different people, two different minds, Light and Dark, Sun and Moon. Sirius never believed in Tom like he had , and Regulus didn’t believe in dumbledore like Sirius does .
His mind was drifting the deeper his face went into dark dirty water, he could feel his lungs filling, his eyes closing, his hands losing feeling, but all he could think of was him.
His older brother.
How they had been so close in the beginning, how they’d play, dance, sing even if it annoyed their mother. Sirius played the piano so beautifully it almost made him weep sometimes, Regulus wondered if he still played, he doubted it. Sirius loved when Regulus played the violin, he had told him he would fit perfectly in an orchestra, that he’d “outshine them all, like the star you are, Reg, like the star you are” He wondered if Sirius still thought of him as a star, or was he now something worse, a black whole, like the rest of his family, he hoped not.
He hoped his brother still loved him. Even if it was hard for him. It was that bloody school. If only Sirius didn’t have to go so early, if only they were the same age, maybe their story would be different, if only they had both gotten into Gryffindor or both gotten into Slytherin, their story would be different.
Regulus remembered the morning Sirius left for the first year, he remembered how he had helped him pack, how they were so silent the whole time, as if they knew something was going to change, they just didn’t know how big of a change it would be.
“I will always be your brother Reg,” the last thing Sirius had told him before he had gotten on that stupid, stupid train, he had hugged him so tight, that morning, it almost felt as though the drift had already started.
It truly did start when he had come back, for christmas break with a red and gold scarf around his neck instead of a green and white, when he had come off that stupid, stupid train. He remembered how wide his eyes had grown when he’d seen it, he couldn’t believe it, he thought his parents were joking when he had heard what house Sirius had gotten into, (Regulus learned fast that his parents never joked about anything.) but that wide smile Sirius wore never changed when he saw him, Regulus was glad for that.
But he knew he had changed, his room had changed that year, from the matching dark greens they had, to reds and golds, it horrified their parents, their heir of the noble and ancient house of black , was not a Slytherin, thats what was expected for them though, but Sirius was the outlier, the white sheep, as he called himself.
He knew that his parents were cruel, that they only believed the pure should stand with the pure, that's what we were taught, how we were raised, it didn’t seem to be something Sirius cared for anymore and it brought trouble.
Trouble Regulus wished he didn’t remember, trouble he wished he didn’t wake up remembering, trouble that Sirius had saved him from, for many years.
His first year didn't come as a shock to most, he was like all the other Black’s, wearing the green and white scarf, it didn’t surprise his cousins, his teachers and even his brother, not that he didn’t want to surprise them, he just didn’t want things to change, they were changing too fast.
Professor Slughorn was a strange teacher, but he cared, he cared for our teaching and our talents, he had his favourites, had them all collected on a shelf, he was on that shelf, he remembered how Slughorn always rambled about wanting us both, both of the noble Blacks in one house, how he was so curious of our power, but enjoyed Regulus company nonetheless “I hope Mr Black that you aren't as troublesome as your brother, and accept my invitation to the Slug Club” it had become a common thing to be compared to him, during that first year, he didn’t think Sirius could have done so much to scare them already.
But that didn’t seem the case either. It was his grand scheming friends. They were not pure, they worshipped Dumbledore, and practically kissed the ground he walked on. They played pranks on the other houses, especially Slytherin, and had loud parties every year that would have everyone talking.
“Reg, c’mon it’s just a small christmas party, you would be the only Slytherin there, simply an honour if i do say so myself”
It’s why Sirius had changed, Regulus didn’t know how to save Sirius from it, he had already gone so far, flown so far away from his reach, and it just caused more heart ache for him.
Hogwarts ruined his brother.
But of course it did, especially when Sirius had turned 16, his hair was longer than he had ever seen it, longer than our mother allowed it to be, every piece of clothing seemed somehow linked to the muggle world, nobody knew how he had gotten them.
His brothers insolence caused more trouble than it was worth, the shouting, the screaming, the slamming, the hushed cries, he heard, it was something he prayed would stop, Regulus prayed for his brothers safety in this house, this “home” for so long he almost thought there was no reason anymore, because it would never come.
“Crucio” became a common scream in our house, the smell of rotting skin became a common smell, because Sirius would never submit, never back down, that's what made him a fool, a brave fool.
It's why he took the mark early, because maybe it would stop them, for a moment, just a moment of peace.
It's why he was here, in a dark cave, in the middle of nowhere, the world feeling a lot heavier then he remembered it feeling.
But maybe he should of ran with Sirius that night, he never did stop thinking about that night, it was a stupid idea, they had bearly spoken in a months, but Sirius had walked into his room, his wand rapped in his long hair, a long duffle bag on his shoulder pleading, begging for him to come with him, that they would be safe at the Potters. He had heard that name many times over the years by then, James Potter, Sirius’ best friend, brother, family.
He would never admit that he was ever jealous of the family of James, but it was harder than you would expect, when you hear teachers talk about them as though they were actually brothers, it felt harder to hide such jealousy when making a plan to leave.
“Reg please, please, it's not safe here, it's never been safe here.”
“I don’t want you hurt, I want you safe”
“The Potters are grand people, best people i've ever known”
But Regulus buckled, he was perfectly safe with his family, Sirius wasn’t, and he knew it, he couldn’t have Sirius not safe, Sirius was the light in the darkest tunnels, he was the hero in all the books Sirius read to him as a child.
Regulus needed that light to live on, even if he himself didn’t.
“I can’t”
“Sirius you know I can't”
“You know they are going to need an Heir”
“And I already have…I already have the mark”
That was the last time they were ever brothers. It felt sickening returning to Hogwarts that year, every whisper, every look, every question, none of it was ever worth it. He was disowned that year, burned off the tapestry, like our cousins and uncles, a stain on the family name, and Regulus became the new family heir.
Regulus tried talking to him, tried to make it seem as though nothing had changed at all, like they were still brothers, but it seemed Sirius didn’t believe the same.
“I am not your brother any more Regulus, he's gone, you need to grow up”
He had lost his brother, he never did like that thought. But Regulus stared from afar whenever he had gotten the chance. Sirius was at peace, he was safe.
That year seemed to be a lot harder, for the both of them, harder than either of them expected.
He had been taken to more meetings, missing more and more of school, his life was changing faster than he would have liked. Tom, Voldemort, became some kind of friend to him, they didn’t talk like friends, but they stood by each other like friends.
His parents couldn’t be happier about that.
But being at Hogwarts seemed to be a lot stranger than he thought it would be. Something had changed, Regulus could see it, the way Sirius’ eyes would droop, refusing to look at his friends, while they refused to look at him, he had heard something, something that happened with Snape, but Snape refused to speak a word of it.
Regulus had half the mind, to beat it out of Snape, but what good would that have done for him, knowing something so cruel, that put a family into silence? A family that was made the moment Sirius had gotten on that stupid, stupid train, while another family slowly broke apart.
He missed his family, him and his brother, Regulus and Sirius.
As the creatures caught hold of his legs, dragging them further and further away, the lights were going, that light, that felt like home was leaving him behind, all he could feel was Anger, anger for every moment before this one, every moment in that stupid school that had brought him here, every moment in that dark house that had brought him here, every meeting he was dragged too, that had brought him here.
Anger was something that ran deep in the Black family, something none of them were ever able to control, but Sirius had it worse, their parents saw it as something powerful, as Regulus saw it as something much sadder in his eyes.
But he loved, just the same, if not harder.
Maybe Regulus should have stayed with that light just a moment longer, so maybe he wouldn’t be in this mess, maybe he should have followed Sirius just a little longer, and he would see what he saw.
And his eyes wouldn’t be harder to open.
His legs wouldn’t feel stiffer.
His arms wouldn’t feel limp.
His heart wouldn’t feel slower.
And maybe he wouldn’t.
Maybe he wouldn’t be dead, in a dark crystal cave, floating in the dark water.