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Matthew entered the same bar he had been going to for years. the neon glowed warmly as he walked in. he settled on his usual bar stool and ordered a beer and a shot. he had only added the shot to his order recently. he needed it to drown out the heart ache.
his friends gathered around him and they chatted for a while, small talk and laughter filled that side of the bar.
then he walked in.
every head turned to get a good look at him, he was tall, blonde, dressed to kill. he was Alfred F Jones, movie star. the worst part of it all was that he use to walk in this bar with Matthews hand held tightly in his.
Matthew ordered another shot. The day he left the would be movie star was a day he regretted. not because his then struggling to get commercials boyfriend became famous. no. because he really did love Alfred. by the time he figured out he couldn’t live without him, it was too late. the big shot had been spotted by a director and he had been cast in a lead role in a superhero film, his face plastered everywhere. there were even already talks about a sequel.
Matthew didn’t stand a chance, and if he tried he’d just look like he was after the fame and money. even if Matthews cubical nightmare of a job had supported them for five years after school, paying for headshots and classes. he refused to look like he was a gold digger.
It would have been fine, except Al still liked to frequent their bar when he wasn’t off shooting somewhere.
one of his friends noticed his stare and cocked her head to the side “don’t you know him?”
“him? nawh, he’s nobody to me.” he had another shot. friends who had been coming longer knew, but said nothing.
He really tried to ignore the dazzling blonde on the dance floor, but his eyes swept over. Al had his hands on some girl dancing, but his eyes, those bright blue eyes were locked on Matthew. a smirk hit his face as the violet ones locked on him. then he bend down without taking his eyes off matthew and whispered something in his dance parents ear. she giggled.
he always did this. it was a thrill for him. rub it in Matthews face. remind him of what he lost. the short blondes heart broke as he ordered another beer. “you okay Matt?” asked Gilbert, one of the few who knew about Alfred.
“I’m fine, come dance with me!”
they would go on the dance floor, purposefully turned away from the ex and danced in a less than innocent drunken fashion. it’s not like Matt was with anyone, and Gil was always down for the chance of a good revenge fuck later.
then, like every time, they would head back to the bar for more booze, and Matt would see Al flirting. letting her act like she was completely winning her over. blue eyes would trail over once more and Matt would take another shot, trying to drown out the giggles and soft laughter he use to love to hear against his hair.
Finally, the two would leave the bar together. Matt would usually only take one more shot. this time he did his own, then grabbed Gils. he settled his tab and went to leave “Hey matt, want me to take you home? or at least let me call you a cab?”
“nawh mmm good” he slurred as he walked shakily from the bar. eyes miserably trained to the ground. he got outside and started walking towards home when he heard the giggling. oh god the pair were getting a cab and he was going to have to walk past them to get to his apartment. Al was turning. no. he had to run.
Well.. he tried? it wound up with Matthew faceplanting on the sidewalk because he’d stepped on his own damn toe. “stupid whiskey…” he muttered. maybe he should just stay here… someone might step on him and kill him. that’d be nice.
instead he heard “shit Mattie!” followed by a hurried apology and goodbye. Matt lifted his head slightly to look. girl looked pissed…. he watched her get in the cab to go home alone. then he felt arms around his shoulders picking him up . Alfred grunted “Mattie…. god, you always drink too much. “ Matthew moaned and tried to push him away, but those parting shots were sinking in. Alfred sighed and Matt suddenly felt the world spin as he was hoisted into strong arms. looking up into the face of the man he missed his chance with
he closed his eyes, not wanting to see. he wasn’t sure if he passed out or just got lost in the smell of his ex’s jacket. mmm so good… but before he knew it there was a hand in his pocket. Alfred pulled out his key and opened the door.
Matt's eyes flew open. oh god no… no you can’t come in. you’ll see.. it’s been 8 months, the pictures are still up. he tried to argue but it only came out as a slurred mass of words and a frustrated groan.
he was soon deposited on the couch. he turned into the cushions trying to hide the embarrassment and hurt that covered his face. his drunken state didn’t give him much control over the sobs take weren’t muffled enough by the pillows. a hand was on his shoulder. was Als face coloured in pity or disgust. he didn’t want to know “p-p-please just l-leave me….”
he felt the cushions sink beside him and a hand tilted him onto his back, exposing his face. His eyes met Alfreds. he looked angry. oh god… he was going to get punched. “just do it and leave. “ he murmured throwing an arm over his eyes.
“Matthew.. look at me. “
oh of course.. can’t break someone's nose with an arm in their face. he removed it and looked up pained and bright red.
“why do you still have these up?”
the sobbing started again. he thought of a billion excuses. he was too busy, it got him laid, his gf was a huge fan. but no, instead bubbled out the truth “Because i m-miss y-you” his hands covered him face this time. “i-i’m sorry… I-i’ll stay away f-from the b-bar… j-just please… it h-hurts that you're h-here.”
a sigh followed by a chuckle reached his ears. he was going to drag this out… torment him… then he felt lips against his. he melted. this was cruel of Alfred… but he was going to savour the last kiss.. then like that the kiss ended
“you’re such an idiot… don’t you think i could go to any other bar if i wanted?” Matthew cringed, and a hand came to his face, a kiss placed on his forehead. the voice was softer now “ I only go there to see you… i’ve been trying for months to get you to notice me again… want me again. but you never speak to me, only glair. then i find out you’ve been coming back here alone… both winding up just sitting alone missing each other.” he laughed bitterly
Matthew was trying to piece the words together to make sense “but.. the girls you” he peeked over his hands and Alfred had one eyebrow raised
“Matthew… I’m gay. didn’t you ever wonder why it was always girls? they just want to be seen leaving with the celebrity. I was trying to make you jealous enough to tell me to stop being a moron and ask me to come home. “
“y-you wanna c-come home?” Matthews heart was swelling and breaking at the same time. if this was a joke he was going to be crushed, he may never recover… but if it wasn’t? “p-please don’t be joking?” his words were too slurred.
Alfred sighed and picked up the smaller blonde once more. he kissed his forehead and took him to the bed. setting him down on one side he climbed across to the other.
Matt's face burned bright red when he noticed Al holding the picture of the pair of them kissing on new years that lived beside his bed. but the warmth of the blankets that were dragged around him were winning. “goodnight mattie” was the last thing he heard as he fell asleep praying he wouldn’t wake up alone.
but he did wake up alone. he was fuzzy, and his head was pounding but he remembered. he sat up and looked around the room… empty… he grabbed the pillow next to him and pulled his knees up burying his face in the Alfred scented pillow while he cried.
the smell of coffee was joined by a worried voice “Mattie? are you okay?”
Violet eyes shot up. “y-your still here?”
a kind smile spread across Alfreds face. “of course… I… I wanted to see if you were telling the truth last night…” a blush coloured the tan cheeks.
“m-me? I uh….” he looked down and sighed “yeah.. it was true.”
two coffee mugs hit the table and the bed sunk in front of him. a hand tilted his head up so their eyes would meet. he had the serious look again “how long Mattie?”
tears stung his eyes “since the week before you got the roll… I realized I w-was dumb… it was a stupid fight, I was just stressed with work and … “ he trailed off and his eyes fell “but by the time I found you again you had the movie… I didn’t want you to think it was the reason…”
arms wrapped around him and lips pressed against his forehead “Mattie… I would never think that of you…” the smaller blonde clung desperately praying it wasn’t a dream. they sat like that for a minute before Alfred sighed. “so mattie… I know i said I wanted to come home.. but..”
it was coming. the but. but I changed my mind. but this is a bad idea. but your creepy pictures of me everywhere have scared me off.
“I think… you should come home with me instead. bigger, paid off, all that ya know?”
Matthew let out a relieved sobbing chuckle and nodded “whatever you want Al.”