Chapter Text
Infinite Loner
Infinite Loner-line break, [The Loner]- POV shift/indicator (Hikigaya Hachiman), "Daydreaming got me nowhere."- Dialogue
Disclaimer: I do not own Infinite Stratos, Oregairu, or any other intellectual properties that may appear in this story. Please don't sue me.
Prologue: Fish Out of Water
[The Loner]
To work is to lose.
It was one of my favorite adages. Some people (read: my sister) viewed it as a defeatist attitude, befitting a naive slacker. I thought differently, though. My adage combined realism with a tepid optimism.
How so? After all, an argument, no matter how impressive it appeared, meant little if contentious terms were not defined...I learned that the hard way in middle school.
Where was I? "To work is to lose," meant having a spine and not accepting every request. This mainly applied to the professional world and its white-collar jobs.
"Why bother doing a job that only wastes time?"
Especially in modern Japan, rife with corporate slavery and mandatory overtime, does this motto hold. No wonder our birth rate has declined over the last few years; people can't say no and allow the endless torrent of work to overwhelm them. Life is supposed to be savored, not spoiled by a crippling monotony of over-exertion. I lauded those who could subscribe to my notion and avoid the rat race, paving out their future. Hence my dreams of becoming a stay-at-home parent and my disdain for menial labor are not childish.
Ask me nine times out of ten, and I would confidently enact the behaviors espoused by my beloved saying. Unfortunately, my current situation resides in the dreaded 10%, and not one of my 108 Loner Skills can break me out of this bind.
"Um... Do you care to introduce yourself to the class?" Sometimes I wonder to myself, why me? Which god decided I needed to attend this school and be placed in this undesirable situation? My life so far amounts to a thrilling rollercoaster that refuses to end no matter how much I pull on the emergency brake, blare my lungs out for help, or even attempt to leave the car.
"..." An array of eyes pierced into me, many presumably curious about my presence. The pressure made it difficult to breathe, let alone think... So this is what being a zoo animal feels like, a mysterious oddity viewed from a distance. I have a bit more sympathy for them.
"..." I noticed one student's venomous gaze—She must not like me then. Well, it's not like I held high hopes for making friends here. After all, to most of the room's occupants, I invaded their sanctuary, crossing a boundary that should be impassable. Their preconceived notions are probably struggling to accept reality. And once they do, the results may not be pretty. Some may exercise a naive approach, attempting to "befriend" me (read: exploit to their benefit), while others are scheming ways to humiliate me and assert their superiority.
While the former sounds pleasant and more desirable than the latter, they both had the same result. It was either death by a thousand cuts or a single decisive strike.
In other news, what if life was like a game with save points that could be reloaded? Would anything change?
I firmly believe that if allowed to revisit past events, I would probably make the same decisions, no matter how detrimental they may be. Don't get me wrong, some of my previous actions were inane and cringe-inducing, but—They led to who I am today. And so I accept my younger self and their numerous faults because we're ultimately the same person, and changing them with supernatural intervention would invalidate that.
Darting my eyes behind, I observe two familiar faces, one nervous and the other stoic. True to my earlier statement, our relationships were not ideal, and I would rather avoid them if possible. As a loner, I had a strict policy of non-intervention that was not too dissimilar to Switzerland's policy during the World Wars.
However, like the alpine nation, that position developed over time. For me, that was due to crossing paths with my acquaintances. They helped sand out the edges of my loner code. I could fully accept the beauty of silence and not feel squirmish with it like the "people-pleaser", my ever-present antithesis.
The popular and the outcasts, ins and outs, or the haves and have-nots of society. Even in a world like this, such a trend persists.
My gaze lingered on my former classmate, vainly expecting a miracle. However, unsurprisingly the expected occurred, and nothing came from the gesture... So it looks like I'm alone on this front just as before.
Sighing, I looked away in preparation for my next move. It's two strikes, three balls, bases loaded, and Number 108 is up to bat. What will they do, rely on their teammates and aim for a walk, or take matters into their own hands and swing at the pitch?
I don't necessarily understand baseball or most team sports, being a loner, but the analogy makes sense. I weighed my options for the situation and had to make a decision.
This is where my discussion of save states factored in. My ideal self may have found a way to project false charisma and become popular with my classmates. That approach may be the correct move, but it is also wrong... I tried it before, and it failed miserably.
That reality embodied the principle of "fool me once, shame on me" and the importance of experience. I like to believe that life is not a visual novel where one can flawlessly achieve the desired result: there are numerous setbacks, dead-ends, and detours, among other obstacles.
Considering all that, I've learned from my mistakes. The road to get here was bumpy and slightly traumatic, but necessary, like the obligatory training montage before the final showdown in fighting movies.
So, where did that leave my introduction? Even though I'm very proud of my monologuing skills, they are imperfect. Time continued to pass, and I remained silent. The class was most likely drawing unsavory conclusions from my prolonged silence. The longer I waited, the more at risk my goals would be...
Wait—why was I even here at the famed Academy?
Popularity, friendship, or even a romantic comedy? No, the answer was none of those.
I just wanted a quiet life—Preferably alone.
"Yes, my name is—"
Prologue End
Chapter 1: Middle School Was a Mess, as Expected
[Two Years Earlier]
"I like you. Please go out with me."
"Can we just stay friends?"
"..." I froze, time screeching to a halt as she walked away.
The phone calls.
The text messages.
The friendly waves each morning.
The light-hearted laughs at my jokes.
My hopes and dreams of our dynamic progressing to something more.
They meant nothing.
I lost, it was over.
She didn't feel the same way.
I misread the situation.
We spent almost two years together.
It took two years to work up the courage and confront my feelings.
I tried my best to reinvent my image.
I started smiling more, engaging with my classmates, and supposedly learning to read the room.
I even made some friends in the process—two friends, technically one since the other—that doesn't matter; it was an effort, a successful one, even.
But now, it was just wasted time.
Perhaps I'm overthinking things and jumping to conclusions. She said we could stay friends.
Wow, look at that. I have three friends now. We're making progress...She never called me a friend until today.
Her claim was just a ruse, a delicate rejection, a sweet nothing whispered by a nice girl.
A lie.
It was probably naive to assume I would get anywhere with her. I was an idiotic kid with his head in the clouds—A daydreaming youth.
My father truly was right.
To work is to lose.
I lost, it was over.
This daydreamer finally had to wake up.
Infinite Loner
"..."
"Hikigaya—"
"..."
"Hikigaya-san—"
"..." I sat at a table, listlessly staring into my light novel. My eyes scanned over the words, and my hands turned the pages, but I was hardly reading. There was too much to think about and just not enough time.
"Hachiman!" The light novel disappeared. My eyes instead met black hair, amber eyes, and a protagonist-worthy face, handsome yet strangely unremarkable. It was my classmate and "friend" Orimura Ichika. We were nothing alike: him, the class darling, and I, the class afterthought, yet we somehow connected. Chuck it up to luck, or perhaps Ichika's bleeding heart, I couldn't say.
After my blunder, we walked home from school, stopping at his friend's restaurant. It was a so-called "hangout spot," where youths spent hours. I would have stopped him, but inertia was too strong. Any habit was hard to break, even for a reformed daydreamer like me.
"What is it, Ichika?" I replied, snapping to attention.
"Are you okay, Hachiman? You don't look too good. It hasn't been that long since—" Ichika questioned, presumably worried by my silence. To him, it was strange for me to be so detached from conversation. I always at least made a stray observation from time to time.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." I interrupted, my delivery nearly clinical.
"Seriously, dude? Not even an ounce of emotion?" Ichika's redheaded restaurateur friend, Gotanda Dan, added.
"What can I say? I can't keep dreaming forever." I quipped, keen on not being pitied.
"That's a surprisingly mature response, Hikigaya-san." Dan's younger sister, Ran, noted with a backhanded compliment.
"Hachiman," Ichika paused as he faced me, his smile dropping. It was rare for him to break his happy-go-lucky mood. Something must be eating away at him.
"Don't worry, Ichika. Everything's fine," I repeated, hoping to break his mental impasse—and further drive home the truth.
She never liked me.
She never liked me...
S-she n-never l-liked m-me...
"Hachiman?"
My face felt unusually heated, my nose congested, and my eyes watery.
"It's n-nothing. Maybe I'm developing allergies or something." I lied, hiding my feelings behind a smile.
I lost, it was over.
She never liked me.
Infinite Loner
Surprisingly, Lady Luck had smiled upon me. Yesterday was an epilogue, and today, a new arc; that is, summer vacation arrived.
I now had a month to myself: a month to recover.
A month to reflect.
A month to mourn.
Feeling particularly sluggish, I didn't leave my bed until late afternoon. It was just too comfortable, too warm—too good at hiding the tears.
Walking downstairs, I found an empty house. My parents were probably working—being unfortunate victims of corporate life—After all, there are no worker protections like no worker protections! While my younger sister, Komachi, bless her soul, was out and about, living up her youth. She was such a great sister—definitely too good for someone like me.
Therefore, I became the King of the Hikigaya Castle—Interim King if you considered Kamakura, the family cat—Regardless, with my new position, I first decreed—
"Buzz!" My phone vibrated, interrupting the royal declaration. Someone texted me.
"Things just can't go my way," I grumbled while scrolling through my phone. It wasn't rare for me to receive texts. I did make some "friends," over the last year—Friends I only made to chase after—
Komachi: "Onii-chan, I'm at a friend's house right now, so I can't talk, but I've got important news."
Hachiman: "What is it, Komachi? Is a boy bothering you? What's his name? Onii-chan can take care of him."
Komachi: "Ichika transferred schools."
Hachiman: "Huh?"
Komachi: "Yesterday was his last day."
Hachiman: "..."
Komachi: "He would've told you then, but—"
Hachiman: "Thanks for telling me, Komachi."
Komachi: "Onii-chan—"
I turned off my phone, unceremoniously silencing my sister. My legs wobbled and vertigo gnawed at me.
She never liked me.
Everyone left me behind.
It was over.
I lost everything.
The daydreamer truly was dead.
All that's left is... the loner.
Chapter End