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Rowing back to the Revenge in just a dinghy gave Stede a lot of time to think. About his old family in Barbados and his current one – his crew – that was still with Ed. He could reflect back on everything that lead him to this moment. Nigel and Chauncy were there with him for a while, hitting all his weak spots, just like they did when they were all children.
„What happened, dear?“ his mother would ask, always the kinder one of his parents. It was easy to hide in her skirt, shutting the world out for just a moment until he had to answer.
„It's Nigel and Chauncy again. The tied me to a rowboat and then threw rocks at me. Others were there too,“ he would get bruises again. His father wouldn't care for them, as he never did and his mother would worry too much. He felt like a failure to both of them. Unable to be the man his father wanted him to be and not even able to not make his mother unhappy.
The Badminton brothers highjacked his memories. Whenever he would turn they would stand there, one with a sword through his skull and the other with a bullet. Stede had killed none and yet both of them. Without him, they would still be alive and well. Deep down, Stede was happy they weren't.
He was glad when they stopped appearing in his dreams.
Then, of course, there was his father. Always judging. Always complaining. Stede hated his company, but he did make him row faster, as if that would make the apparition disappear. He couldn't leave behind his past failures and to his father, everything about him was wrong. It was on a night with his father sitting in front of him that Stede first broke down crying, mourning what he lost and what he could have become if he stood up for himself earlier in life.
His father didn't show up after that anymore.
Mary came after him. Beautiful, kind Mary, who deserved so much better than him. He hated himself for taking up a place in her life for so long, when she could have become happy with Doug much earlier. They would raise the kids well, in a house with parents that truly loved each other. It was too late for Stede to have a good relationship with his children but Doug was there instead and he loved them just as much as he did Mary. He thanked her, when she showed up and then apologized. She took it all with grace and then told him not to worry.
Her words didn't take his anxiousnes but they did make him feel better about his decision to leave Barbados behind for good. She was just a ghost his head made up for lack of sleep but her presence managed to calm him. A familiar face from the past while he was on his way to catch up with the present.
He mourned when she stopped visiting him as well.
The most persistant ghost was Blackbeard himself. Not his Ed, but Blackbeard. The one he imagined before he actually met him. Tall and dark, threats in every sentence even when he was just speaking to Stede. He scared him. Blackbeard was far too different from Ed, who loved fancy things, the Revenge and Stede. Stede also loved Ed. A realization that hit him far too late. Each day he worried that Ed had already moved on when he finally arrived at his ship.
Blackbeard told him that he was right to worry. He broke Ed's heart by leaving. Ripped it out and tore it into a million pieces because he thought he knew what he was doing. He yelled at Blackbeard to leave, but he stayed. He stayed until Stede accepted that, too. It was not just Stede's heart on the line when they promised to run away together. It was Ed's too and Stede had been inconsiderate of it. He needed to apologize.
When Blackbeard left, he felt alone. Tired and sweaty and full of so much grief that he feared it would consume him.
He had trouble breathing, trying to stay calm when everything around him started to spin. The early evening sun, the light bouncing of the soft waves and Ed, sitting in front of him with a slight smile that only managed to shatter Stede's heart even more.
„Deep breaths, Stede,“ Ed offered, entirely too calm, „You're not alone.“
Ed was the worst guest out of all of them. A constant reminder of how he managed to fuck up the one good thing in his life, but he was too tired to argue, so he just listened. Listened to how he hurt him and how it was Ed that was in pain too. During all of it, he was calm, wearing the same outfit Stede gave to him all those months ago when they first met. The first glimps of Ed, Stede liked to think.
„I'm sorry,“ he said at one point, „I'm sorry that I hurt you, Ed.“
The apparition, because Ed was nothing more than that, shook it's head.
„I know that you are. It's not me you need to tell.“
And then Edward was gone too and finally finally he could make out a small piece of land in the distance. It was a place for him to rest for while and if he was lucky there would even be some kind of berry that he could eat instead of the stale bread and oranges that were stowed away in his dinghy. As he got closer, the island turned out to be livelier than he ever expected, with most of his crew crowded onto it. His heart dropped, when he couldn't make out even a trace of the Revenge in the distance.
„Captain,“ Oluwande greeted him when his dinghy was close enough. The chase around the small island came to a sudden halt as his boat collided with the rocks.
„Oluwande. Where are the rest of you? Are they still on the ship. Where is the ship?“
„I tell you, Blackbeard left us behind after you didn't show up,“ Pete threw a wig at him. It landed in the water, swimming away with a current. He ripped his eyes away from it to look back to Pete. There was enough time to ask about it later.
„Ed left you here? Why?“
„Because he's crazy. That's what crazy people do when someone fucks around with them,“ he understood Pete's anger. He was stranded on an island – most likely for days – and Lucius was nowhere to be seen. It was unsure if he was even still alive. They all should be mad at him. For leaving them when he had the chance to come back.
„Told us we'd have a talent show and then Izzy brought us here to rot. Haven't had any food in days,“ Wee John stood up from where he was leaning against some rocks.
„We better all fit in there because I'm not staying here any longer,“ that got the agreement of the rest of the crew as well. Even that of Roach, the Swede and Mister Buttons who had been running around the island just mere seconds ago. They all somehow managed to force themselves into the small boat without it sinking. Each of them recieved both a piece of bread and some fruit before Stede took up the rudders again. It was harder to move, now. His arms were already tired and the extra weight didn't help them. Still, the thought that at least some of his crew members were back with him was good enough. With any luck, the rest of them would show up as well.
With his crew back, everything was more noisy, but at least his head was quiet. There were no more ghosts of the past. Instead, there was his crew, his family, that informed him of everything that happened while he was gone. He listened to them. Their complaints and their worries and, of course, their anger. It died down when their hunger was stilled, but it was still present. Most of all in Pete and Oluwande who had to worry for their partner's life on top of their own.
It took them a while until they finally caught eye of the Revenge again, lying in port in Tortuga. It almost disappeared entirely between the larger ships surrounding it on either side. Only one of them flew the same flag as Stede's ship.
Dark and threatening against the evening sky loomed Queen Anne's Revenge. Stede had only seen the ship in drawings before. Seeing it in reality was something entirely different, especially because it meant that Blackbeard's crew would be around. Not just Ivan, Fang and Izzy, but the entire rest too. His hope that they would be nicer than Izzy was most likely entirely misplaced.
„Captain, repectfully, you're entirely fucked,“ Olu pointed up at the flag on the Revenge. Someone, he assumed Frenchie, added more onto it. He was always very capable at such things. That, however wasn't the point of Oluwande's comment. It was the heart sown into the black fabric right where the skeleton held it's spear.
„I believe this operation will be harder than I expected but nontheless, I choose to stay positive about out success,“ he was, in fact, incredibly unoptimistic about their chances. They would be lucky if they managed to get close to their ship. Even Stede knew that and he had long admitted to himself that he wasn't the best pirate out there.
„Is the plan to get captured, then?“ The Swede asked. Stede frowned back at him.
„No, the plan is to find Jim, Frenchie and Lucius and then try to escape.“
„You don't want to try talking to Blackbeard?“ he shot Oluwande a short glance.
„I would make the assumption that talking to him in this state would not further the success of our mission and should either of you come across him I would advise you to run because we still donÄt know what happened to the rest of the crew. Everyone okay with that?“ everyone nodded their head, mumbling their agreement.
„Perfect. Then we will lay port in Tortuga, gentlemen, and get our ship back,“ they cheered and Stede took up the rudders once more. For the last little bit, the first win already so close that he could taste it on his tongue.
„We need to avoid all of Blackbeard's men if we want to have any chance at this,“ Pete reminded them as the climbed out of the dinghy.
„Aye, it's all of them that wear leather. Easy to spot. Too hot for anyone else to wear,“ Mister Buttons pointed out. Stede could only agree. While Ed did look very fetching in all that black leather it was kind of impractical given the caribbean's natural heat. Then again, it wasn't Stede's decision to make and as long as he wasn't forced to wear leather he was fine with watching Ed do whatever he wanted.
As long as he didn't get a heat-stroke, that is.
„Well, boys. Time to take back our ship. Are you ready?“
„Aye, captain.“
That, of course, was still easier said then done. Both ships were guarded. Stede recognized Fang, though he didn't want to test out how much the man actually liked him. It made their mission a lot harder if they didn't want to swim around the boat to scale it from the back like some sort of burglar.
„What now?“ The Swede asked.
„We take them out,“ Roach pulled out his knives. Stede should really have a word with him about what the knives he used for cooking should or shouldn't be used for. Oh well, a talk for a later time.
„You want us to fight Blackbeard's men? Are you insane?“ Oluwande whisper-shouted at Roach. They were all covering behind a stack of boxes. Not an ideal hiding place but it was still better than simply standing out in the open, like Mister Buttons. Now wait a...
„Mister Buttons. Get back here,“ Buttons simply looked at him before slowly raising his hands. Stede closed his eyes for a moment.
Fuck.
„Stede Bonnet. Still alive, I see. I should remedy that,“ fuck.
„I could have done well without seeing you, Iggy,“ Izzy frowned at him. His pistol was levelled at his chest. If he shot, Stede would definitely die. For the second time in just a few weeks. How ironic.
„It's Izzy. Blackbeard will want to see you, but I'm not sure if I want to risk you making him weak again. I'd rather just shoot you here and now. You and your miserable band of failed pirates,“ Stede truly hated the man. Everything he did only managed to further that hatred, ever since the first time they met each other.
„Great. Before you do that, could you tell me where the rest of my crew is? I've been missing them terribly, you see,“ he stood up. There was no need for crouching on the floor when they were already discovered anyway.
„They're with us now, Bonnet. Why would they ever come back to you after working with Blackbeard?“
„Because you're an asshole, that's why,“ Pete seemed to regret his comment when Izzy pointed his gun at him instead. To be fair, he was right. Izzy was an asshole. A quite massive one at that.
„Everyone settle down. I'm sure we can figure out a peaceful solution to this,“ he really wasn't but trying to save his crew from getting shot by Izzy was a bit further up on his list of priorities than sorting through his own problems.
„You would be wrong, Stede,“ he turned at the familiar voice, not quite able to keep the relief out of his face.
„Ed!“ the excitement quickly vanished when a sharp pain went through his shoulder, blood quickly staining his linen shirt. „You shot me.“
„That was supposed to be a warning shot. Why the fuck did you move?“ panic overweighed the anger in Ed's voice. He stepped forward, Stede's crew members pushed between them, ready to protect their captain. Ed simply pushed them aside, to grab Stede's arm. The one that wasn't attached to the wounded shoulder.
„Why wouldn't I move? Who just shoots at people?“ Stede sounded angrier than he actually was. He was mostly tired and now his shoulder hurt and he was losing a lot of blood, even with the bullet still lodged in his shoulder.
„I'm Blackbeard, mate. That's what I do. Are you still paying attention? Stede,“ his vision started to shift, the harbour around him spinning in circles.
„I'm going to pass out, I think,“ he announced to the group of people around him, already steadying himself with one hand on Ed's shoulder. He really had no right looking so horrified at the development. Stede spent weeks rowing himself and half his crew across the ocean.
„Get him to the ship!“ was the last thing he heard before his body fully shut down.
His shoulder was the first thing he noticed when he woke up again. It still hurt but now it was wrapped in bandages, to his relief. He hoped it wouldn't get infected. Loosing an entire arm – or his life – wasn't really in his plans. Then again, so was getting shot, but it did get him onto a ship. Certainly not his own, given the... decorations.
„You're awake. Good,“ the situation was reminiscent of the first time Stede ever met Ed. Waking up wounded with Ed at his bedside.
„Yes, well,“ he didn't finish the sentence, instead staring at Ed's face for a good while, until he shot an impatient „What“ at Stede.
„What did you do to your face?“ he stretched out his hand, catching one of Ed's long strands between his fingers. It was all tangled, with some of the coal from Ed's face rubbing off on his hair.
„Oh Ed, you should really take better care of yourself. Get a bucket of water, I'll wash it off for you and after, we can take care of your hair,“ Ed batted his hand aside, a frown forming on his face. Slowly, Stede's brain started to catch up as well, reminding him why fussing over Ed was a bad idea. Especially now.
„Why do you care?“
„I've been trying to find you, Ed. I love you.“
„Then why did you leave me there, Stede. I was ready to run away with you. You're the one who gave that up, not me,“ he knew he fucked that one up. Massively, even.
„And I'm sorry, Ed. Chauncy found me first. Quite drunk, I might add. He planned to shoot me for what happened with his brother. Told me about how I ruined everything that I touched – how I ruined you – and I got scared. I thought it would be best to leave you. So you could live your life without constantly having to worry about me. I love you, Ed and I'm sorry that I left you,“ he put his hand on Ed's arm, hoping that he would understand why Stede did what he did. Of course Stede would understand if Edward needed time before he could trust him again. Mary told him that, before he left. She was right, as she usually was.
„Chauncy... Badminton shot you?“ Ed questioned, still trying to wrap his head around the whole story.
„He planned to. It was quite dreadful. He stumbled and shot himself in the head. Right through his eye. A bit ironic, given how his brother died,“ neither death was something Stede liked to reflect on. In both he was more or less involved. More so in Nigel's than in Chauncy's but nonetheless the thought of him being responsible for the death of a person was not something he was comfortable with.
„Yes,“ Ed looked away, across the messy room to where Mary's lighthouse painting was sitting on a shelf, „Ironic.“
„If it hadn't been for Chauncy I would have met you. I understand if you cannot forgive me but I promise that I will do everything that is possible to show you that I won't leave you again.“
He didn't get an answer for a long time and he didn't press for one. Simply watched as Ed turned over all the possibilities in his head until he came to a conclusion of his own.
„You can stay,“ he finally offered, turning his gaze back to Stede. He leaned down to press a short if soft kiss to Stede's lips. It was there and gone within seconds but Stede understood that he was in no position to ask for more.
„I hope you keep your promise this time.“