Work Text:
Seonghwa was in the midst of a very sullen dream when he was awoken by the tapping of rain on his bedside window.
The dream was one of many he had experienced as of late - a seemingly endless maze he could never seem to escape from no matter how much he tried. He would run, breathless, down corridor after corridor, turning hastily at the end of each one only to be led down a new path illuminated by pointed neon lights which were almost taunting him.
But he would never find the exit, no matter how much his heart pounded by the end of every attempt, no matter how much sweat soaked his clothes, he always ended up the same distance away from when he had started. So instead of trying to escape the tricky maze, Seonghwa had reduced himself to walking aimlessly around the labyrinth until he eventually awoke.
He was growing highly frustrated with going through this night after night for months on end, so when his eyes fluttered open to glimpse at the small droplets snaking their way down the misted glass with a small pattering sound, Seonghwa was entirely too happy to have something else to focus on other than illuminated hallways.
It was at this moment, whilst Seonghwa stared transfixed at the glossy pane, that someone called out to him, interrupting the silence that had gathered during the night.
“Hwa?”
Seonghwa turned, looking for the smaller figure settled into the bed on the other side of the room, and signed softly as he found eyes that were already cast towards him - a soft glimmer of brown reaching out.
“Was it your dream again?” Hongjoong whispered.
Seonghwa nodded and hoped that the moon was letting enough light into the room for Hongjoong to see his confirmation clearly.
Hongjoong was sitting cross-legged on his bed, back against the headboard and sheets ruffled around him with his laptop perched on his knees - illuminating the top half of his torso. He looked tired, soft bags peeking from the inner corners of his eyes, but his skin was still glowing faintly in conjunction with the dim screen. He had obviously been in the middle of working when Seonghwa had woken.
Hongjoong’s brows furrowed slightly in reaction to Seonghwa’s response, and he slowly reached down to close the laptop and place it haphazardly on the floor.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“It’s the same as always, Joong, there isn’t much else to talk about.”
Hongjoong sighed and pushed his fingers through the flyaway hairs that had escaped the small ponytail sitting on top of his head.
“We can still talk about it Hwa, even if they’re all the same. There’s obviously something on your mind that’s causing them so maybe it might help…”
“I don’t think so.” Seonghwa sighed.
Hongjoong frowned slightly and broke eye contact at the finalisation, letting his hand fall to his side.
“Okay, but let me know if you want to yeah?” He smiled. “I’m all ears.”
Seonghwa just nodded again, sending a small smile in return, trying not to show any more of the frustration he held about his mystery dreams so as to not worry Hongjoong further.
Hongjoong always worried about any little thing that bothered Seonghwa, so he had to at least front that he was wholly unbothered by the situation. In truth, he had a pretty good idea as to why he had been dreaming of these inescapable mazes, never moving forwards, but it was not something he wanted to discuss freely with Hongjoong.
In an effort to change the topic of conversation, Seonghwa stretched his arms up into the air, his shirt riding up to reveal his soft stomach, and asked for the time.
“It’s just past 4 am.”
“Seriously?” Seonghwa deadpanned.
“Yeah, why?” Hongjoong responded almost sheepishly.
“Joong, you should be sleeping. You’re stressed enough as it is lately, you don’t need to add sleep deprivation to the mix.”
“I’m fine Hwa.” He scratched his arm lightly. “Plus - we don’t have to be in the studio until 11 anyways.”
Seonghwa just laughed at his reasoning, knowing that Hongjoong wouldn’t change his habits regardless.
“Okay, fine.” He pulled the covers back and used the opportunity to shuffle down so he was laying on his side, facing Hongjoong’s bed. “I’m going back to sleep. If I wake up again and you’re still working I will personally hit you in the face with my pillow. Understood?”
Hongjoong just laughed at his threats, feigning fear by raising his arms in surrender and promising not to stay awake once Seonghwa had fallen asleep.
Seonghwa closed his eyes, trying to zone out but failing due to the sound of the steadily increasing rain. He huffed, bringing his pillow around the back of his head so that it would cover both of his ears in an attempt to shut the noise out.
After an unknown amount of time, Seonghwa gave up on the whole zoning out thing and instead chose to focus on something else. He needed a distraction.
Numerous thoughts flickered through his mind - fans shouting at their most recent concert, Wooyoung’s devilish laugh, Yunho’s sad face when he dropped his last egg on the floor, a puppy that had jumped up at him on his last trip to the park. He know none of these images would suffice, continuing in his search that he knew would ultimately lead to one outcome.
That’s when the image of Hongjoong smiling at him earlier on the day before came to mind. Seonghwa had been holding his phone hostage because he had left a huge mess in the kitchen and had no intention of cleaning it up, so Hongjoong had chased him into their room. Seonghwa had swatted him away, telling him that he wasn’t getting it back until he tidied up. But Hongjoong had jumped at him, laughing as he grabbed Seonghwa’s arms and held them still long enough to grab the phone and jump back away from his grasp.
Seonghwa had been about to shout at him until Hongjoong flashed this teasing smile from the doorway where he was backing out. Seonghwa had stilled, just staring at the way his eyes had crinkled up and his lips parted to show his small pointy teeth. He had looked so, so beautiful.
Honestly, Hongjoong always looked beautiful. But when he was at his happiest, when there wasn’t any trace of stress or worry marring his features, he looked even more so. So Seonghwa had let him escape without reprimanding him further.
He started tracing every detail of the scene that he could remember, counting every small line in Hongjoong’s skin, every eyelash on each of his eyes, and every crack on his small lips countless times.
He knew Hongjoong’s face well - well enough that he would often close his eyes at night and picture him first before anything else. The more time he spent going over every feature, the more his heart began to speed up. The unbridled effect he had on Seonghwa was surprising really, he suspected it had everything to do with the way that he had grown to feel about the leader of their group.
Seonghwa could feel his now strong pulse in the very tips of his fingers and toes.
If you had told Seonghwa a year ago that he would carry the level of fondness he did for Hongjoong at the present moment, he probably wouldn’t have believed it. Seonghwa had always held the man in high stead, however, he tried not to let himself get too attached before as Hongjoong had tended to be more reserved and private with his affection.
But in the last few months, he could not seem to stop his previously friendly feelings towards the younger man from blossoming into something more. He knew that realistically he needed to stop as the change in his emotions could never go anywhere and he would end up trapped, unable to escape the maze of thoughts that clouded his head.
“Hwa,” Hongjoong murmured. “I can hear you thinking from here.”
Seonghwa jumped slightly after hearing his voice, and he had to think really hard about relaxing all the muscles in his body before he could open his eyes to see the cause of his current agitation.
“Sorry.” He winced, his vision coming into focus to find a slightly blurry Hongjoong peering at him from the other bed. “I can’t sleep. Was trying to distract myself.”
“Ah, well it doesn’t seem to be working.”
“No shit,” Seonghwa stated, clambering into a sitting position and pushing the covers away from his body. “I think that's obvious.” Seonghwa swung his legs over the bed, pressing the pads of his feet against the cool floor as if he was about to stand, but didn’t. “I don’t think tonight is my night.”
“I think you’re just stressed, and as much as you won’t admit it those dreams are getting to you.”
Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong then, giving him a glance that seemed to convey to the other that he might be right in his assumptions, but didn’t dare to say anything that might prompt the man to ask more questions.
He sat there for a few moments, his hand finding its way into his tangled hair and carding through it until he reached the back of his neck. His hair was long now, he had allowed it to grow back during the time between their last comeback and he had started to grow fond of the length.
Hongjoong was watching him. He could feel his eyes on his frame, but he didn’t bother looking up to confirm it. Most likely he was looking at him with those sincere eyes he so often wore when he was worried. He was just about to speak when Hongjoong interrupted him with a soft movement. Seonghwa looked up then.
The man had opened his arms, soft fingers reaching out to the older with an invitation. It was not all that unusual as of late for Hongjoong to offer to hold Seonghwa when he seemed stressed, but it never failed to make Seonghwa’s heart jump when he did it. Every single time.
Seonghwa slowly pushed up onto the balls of his feet, glancing at Hongjoong with every tiny step he took in the other man's direction. He knelt down softly on the fabric of Hongjoong’s bed, crouching until he was close enough to finally reach his hands out to touch the younger.
Hongjoong pulled him softly into his arms, making Seonghwa fall slightly from his position and bringing him ever closer to his torso. Seonghwa sighed when Hongjoong’s fingers encircled his waist, and he felt every ounce of stress he didn’t even know was present leave his body in that breath.
They hadn’t talked about this. Everybody knew Seonghwa was a sucker for physical touch, often cuddling with the members when he was feeling down or lonely. Perhaps Hongjoong just thought he was helping Seonghwa in the same way as the other members did.
But somewhere in the back of his mind Seonghwa knew it wasn’t the same. Hongjoong didn’t give his touch out as freely as Wooyoung or San did. Still, he never mentioned it when the man offered his bed to him, he was most likely just trying to make sure Seonghwa would end up well rested for the morning. Grouchy Seonghwa was not fun to deal with.
There was a tiny part of Seonghwa’s brain that hoped that maybe that wasn’t the reason. Maybe Hongjoong just wanted the opportunity to touch Seonghwa, but that was a selfish thought that really had no basis other than to fuel his current feelings. Hongjoong was so kind, he really would do anything to help his members. Seonghwa didn’t doubt that Hongjoong was only doing this to calm him.
“So what were you thinking about?”
The question startled Seonghwa, Hongjoong’s voice coming out small. Seonghwa tried to think, the tiny cogs in his brain whirring together to formulate a coherent response.
“Uh… I,” Seonghwa tried.
“You were pretty focused, you can’t remember?” Hongjoong sounded concerned.
Seonghwa coughed and moved so that he could get a better look at Hongjoong’s face.
“Yeah of course I remember, I was just thinking about…” Seonghwa tried to think but nothing was coming to mind quick enough. “...about my dreams.” Shit, he really shouldn’t have gone with that.
Hongjoong looked at him. “What about them Hwa?” He coaxed.
Seonghwa panicked. “I mean… I was just thinking about why they keep happening. As you said, there must be a reason right? Perhaps it’s because of work - maybe it's because I feel like I’m not progressing quick enough.”
“Not progressing?” Hongjoong looked confused. “But there’s nothing you need to work on at the moment Hwa, everything’s covered and we’re making good progress on the new release.”
“I know, but I sometimes feel like I could be giving more. Trying harder.” Seeing as the admission was the truth, Seonghwa didn’t feel so bad telling Hongjoong in lieu of the real reason.
“I promise, you don’t need to worry. You’re always perfect Hwa, there’s nothing to improve upon.” Hongjoong’s words were so light, and Seonghwa could tell he was being completely honest with him. Seonghwa just muttered a small thank you before moving slightly so that he was resting one of his legs atop Hongjoong’s, allowing himself to lay down more comfortably on the bed.
Hongjoong still had his hands wrapped around Seonghwa’s back, one of Seonghwa’s hands had come to rest on the top of the younger man's arms and he was gripping Hongjoong’s shirt in his other hand softly.
“Is that really everything Hwa, you don’t think it’s anything else causing them?” Hongjoong asked. Seonghwa caught his eyes again and tried not to look too guilty, but Hongjoong was staring at him with a strange glint to his hold. “...Hwa?”
Seonghwa blushed slightly but looked away from the other in hopes that he wouldn’t notice, and just shook his head no.
“You can tell me anything, you know that right?”
And Seonghwa did know, he could share anything with Hongjoong. The person who always made him feel safe, but he didn’t want to trouble him with an admission. Even though he thought that Hongjoong wouldn’t judge him for telling him his feelings regardless.
They just laid there for a while then, not speaking but letting the comfortable silence wrap around the both of them, pulling them closer together. Hongjoong had rolled further onto his back - pulling Seonghwa almost flat against his chest. Seonghwa always felt serene when Hongjoong and him were this close.
He thought he could almost fall asleep if not for the way his pulse had started to echo in his ears again. Seonghwa was afraid that Hongjoong would be able to hear how quickly his heart was beating in his chest from the mere inches he was away from his body. Seonghwa quickly wondered what time it was now - it had to have been almost an hour since he had woke and that meant it was likely around 5 am. The sensible part of his brain urged him to get back to sleep but there was another part of him that wanted to stay awake so he could continue counting the rise and fall of breaths escaping the youngers body.
Seonghwa decided that he didn’t need anything more from the man; that just a few moments like this every now and again were enough for him to keep himself going.
“You should sleep Hwa.” Hongjoong’s voice interrupted him.
“Mmm.” He replied. “So should you.”
“I’m not tired.” He chuckled, Seonghwa could feel the slight shake from his chest.
“Me neither.” He was.
“Sure thing.” Hongjoong countered.
“Hey, if you’re worried about those dreams, I’ll protect you from them. Just picture me there with you, you know I’d always find you somehow.” Seonghwa looked up to see Hongjoong smiling at him so warmly it made Seonghwa’s insides bubble.
The silence grew for a few moments after that.
“You look so pretty when you smile.” The sentence slipped from Seonghwa’s mouth before he could stop it. Hongjoong let out a surprised sound, followed by an even bigger smile.
“Really?”
Seonghwa just nodded slightly, trying not to let embarrassment heat him from the inside out. He really didn’t know why he spoke - but after staring at Hongjoong and seeing how the other's eyes were shining so brightly they seemed to have become reminiscent of the sun, he found he didn’t really mind. Even if it almost hurt to look.
“Shit Hwa, you’re gonna make me melt.” Hongjoong giggled, and Seonghwa tensed slightly before Hongjoong started trailing little circles in the skin at Seonghwa’s back where his shirt had risen up.
“Please don’t… I’d rather you not turn into a puddle in my arms.” Seonghwa’s voice came out teasing but he could feel the lump forming in his throat as he spoke. This whole situation really wasn’t good for his heart.
Hongjoong continued to giggle at him, clasping at Seonghwa’s shirt. “Okay, I’ll try not to. But you’ll need to stop saying such adorable things.”
“Okay, Joong.” Seonghwa sighed.
They paused talking again. Hongjoong took the opportunity to bring one of his hands back to his side and then began to trace it lightly across Seonghwa’s forearm. The featherlight touches tickled Seonghwa’s skin but he tried his very best not to move an inch, not wanting to interrupt Hongjoong’s movements should he then decide to stop.
His hand trailed up his arm and to his elbow, bringing it up and over Seonghwa’s shoulder and finally resting his fingers at the nape of his neck. He could feel Hongjoong’s nails dancing at the hair above.
Seonghwa was staring at the front of Hongjoong’s shirt - it was an off-white colour and the soft material had a small pattern on the front which he had been tracing with his eyes. It reminded him of a Celtic knot.
“So beautiful.”
If Seonghwa hadn't have been focusing so hard on every sound that escaped the other man's mouth then he might’ve missed Hongjoong’s tiny whisper - so quiet that it seemed like it wasn’t supposed to reach his ears at all. He looked up, and Hongjoong stilled when he realised that Seonghwa had heard him.
Seonghwa widened his eyes at him, seemingly to probe for an extension of his words. But Hongjoong just continued to stare. His fingers had come up to bury themselves in Seonghwa’s hair, the younger man grasping softly at the dark strands.
Seonghwa’s breath hitched slightly in his throat when Hongjoong’s fingers tightened, trying not to give anything away, and Hongjoong’s stare intensified at the sound. Seonghwa once again found the other's gaze hard to look at.
Seonghwa wanted to ask Hongjoong if he really meant it, if he really thought he was beautiful too. “Joong?” It came out too quiet, but Seonghwa couldn’t manage more.
Hongjoong retracted his fingers from Seonghwa’s hair then and moved them so that they were pressing into the curves of his face; every now and then one would brush past his lips and then just as quickly move away.
“I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen Hwa.” Hongjoong whispered, more assuredly than before. It felt like a weight had been lifted off the man with the declaration, and his eyes looked at Seonghwa with longing.
The lighthearted nature of their embrace started to dissipate almost entirely.
“Seonghwa can I kiss you?”
Seonghwa’s entire body froze at the sudden words. What?
His heart seemed to stop in his chest and if he wasn’t already laying down he could’ve sworn he would’ve fallen. He didn’t know what to do - never thought he would hear those words leave the younger man. He just gaped, looking between Hongjoong’s eyes.
“I.. Joong, I..” His words weren’t working. The rain was hammering against the window now, the sound mixing with Seonghwa’s shaky voice. Hongjoong looked so vulnerable from Seonghwa’s position, the bags under his eyes seemed to have grown and his long eyelashes were casting a small shadow across his cheekbones.
There was nothing in the world he wanted more than to be kissed by Hongjoong.
Seonghwa decided all he could offer was a small nod, and Hongjoong’s entire face lit up. The other man waited for a few seconds, as if anticipating for Seonghwa to change his mind suddenly, but then he was dipping his head, taking Seonghwa’s bottom lip in between his teeth and sucking.
Seonghwa let out a gasp, and Hongjoong shifted closer to him, trailing his fingers across now hot skin. Seonghwa’s lips were warm as he pushed back against Hongjoong’s touch, his lips moving slowly against Hongjoong’s in a careful embrace.
Seonghwa moved his hands to the side of Hongjoong’s neck and pulled him closer, so close that their noses were touching and Seonghwa could feel every breath the other man let out.
They spent the next few minutes just kissing, taking in the way they fit together as they languidly moved against eachother. Seonghwa had never felt more at peace. The heat of his skin had began to cool again as he became more comfortable in Hongjoong’s space and he could feel the other man smiling against his mouth as their kisses began to shorten. Hongjoong pressed a few small pecks to Seonghwa’s top lip before moving back slowly.
Seonghwa let a small smile escape, his whole body tingling where he was pressed against Hongjoong.
“You know, I’ve wanted to do that forever.” Hongjoong confessed.
Seonghwa raised his eyebrows. “You have?” Hongjoong just nodded. Seonghwa was glancing at him now, a small smile gracing his features as he consumed the idea of the pretty man before having wanted to kiss him for however long. “I thought it was only me.”
Hongjoong placed two fingers underneath Seonghwa’s chin and lifted his head up. “Hwa, I’ve spent the last few months inviting you to cuddle with me at any given opportunity and you thought it was only you?” Hongjoong smiled. Seonghwa laughed slightly, bringing his hand up to scratch at his head awkwardly before looking away from him.
“I thought you were just being nice. Seeing as I hadn’t been sleeping well.”
Hongjoong just shook his head, grabbing his hand gently and threading their fingers together. “No, as nice as I am, and as much as I want to get to the bottom of your dreams so that you can sleep peacefully again, I definitely had ulterior motives.” He admitted.
Seonghwa had to restrain himself from playfully hitting Hongjoong at the words, instead leaning forwards so that his cheek made contact with the top of Hongjoong’s chest. The two of them lay there soaking each other in, not wanting to spoil the moment with any more words.
The rain seemed to come to a calming halt, only small taps audible from Hongjoong’s bed.
“Joong, I know what my dreams have been about.”
“Oh yeah? What?”
-
When Seonghwa finally slipped into sleep and began to dream about the endless maze once more, he realised that unlike all the previous times it was easy to direct himself through it. The taunting neon lights from before had transformed themselves into arrows and were pointing him in the correct direction.
Seonghwa took his time wandering through the various corridors, not even having to break a sweat. He walked for a few minutes, feeling himself circle inwards as the arrows grew shorter and shorter towards their required destination.
When Seonghwa rounded the final corner, Hongjoong was waiting for him at the exit sign, a warm smile on his face.
“See, I told you I’d find you.”