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They say L'manburg began with rebellion, with drugs, with a quest to do whatever the fuck they wanted within their self-made country’s borders. For Niki Nihachu, it began with a man she called her friend and his proclaimed brother at her doorstep, faces split wide with grins, eyes crinkled upwards at the edges.
"Be the first woman of L'manburg." Wilbur says with a flourish, and Niki laughs before saying yes.
Niki was the only woman in their merry band of one, two, three, four, five and six. They would make grand declarations, huddled around the campfire, all prideful certainty, laughing to the stars.
(Niki wonders if the stars had been laughing back at them.)
They make their flag; black, red, white and blue with yellow for embellishments. She makes it; threads the cloth the boys get her and carefully stitches it into something worthy of this country she's decided to pour herself into.
Niki puts herself in charge of the food, and no one complains when she whips up cakes and muffins and cookies for dessert, grins on their faces as they bite into sweet treats. L'manburg was built in summer; with fiery passion and endless enthusiasm.
Dream challenges them, and they raise their weapons in turn. Eret; wonderful, kind, and lovely Eret turns their back on them with a regretful smile. Niki feels the sword slide into her chest, between her ribs, and she wakes up on the verge of tears.
Be strong, she tells herself. They call her dainty, pretty, kind and soft. She is not ashamed of these things, and she prides herself in also being loyal, brave, unwavering and unafraid to stand up for herself underneath it all. She has decided to fight for L'manburg. To follow Wilbur. And that's what she'll do.
(And Niki will look back on herself after months, and maybe she'll laugh or cry, or at least heave a wistful sigh.)
Fundy burns the flag. Fundy burns the flag she made, sewn together in a moment of quietness with materials supplied by all. Fundy disowns his father, disowns Wilbur, and Niki wonders how he could say all those things. She hates him with a passion; he was Wilbur’s golden boy, his son, and Fundy tossed him and his love aside just like that.
When Eret’s betrayal still ran deep, when Wilbur was teetering on the edge from being shoved out of the country he had founded.
Niki thinks that might have been the last straw.
Schlatt raises taxes on her as the only woman in the country. Whether it was a general offence against women or her as Wilbur’s best friend, she doesn’t know, but she knows that Schlatt doesn’t trust or like her. So she leaves.
The world turns on its axis, and it no longer bends the way Wilbur wants even with every honeyed word from his silver tongue. Niki stares at vacant brown eyes, dirty hair and tattered clothes, and wonders what happened to the Wilbur she once knew.
L'manburg is Wilbur's everything, and now he's crumbling without it. But Niki is hardened loyalty with all her fragile heart, and she made a promise to follow. So she does.
Even if he tells her no, she can’t join Pogtopia.
Niki has never been a push-over, and she’ll just pave her own way forward.
(It’s summer, and things are a-burning.)
Technoblade is. Strange. Terrifying, unyielding, and Niki used to hate him for killing Tubbo, because murder was not justifiable with the reasons he laid out. But at this point, she can’t really care.
He knocks her down, holds a sword to her neck, barks at her to get back up and Niki does, because you never get anywhere by giving up.
(She falls to the ground the first time, and she thinks Techno might go on to slam his foot down to keep her pinned, but he offers a hand to her, and Niki takes it.)
He gives them materials, hours of grinding and hard work carefully cradled in their little rebellion’s hands, so utterly confident in what he fights for.
And Niki thinks she can respect that, too. Maybe they can be friends after all this.
Schlatt dies, and they cheer, for they have won!
But there’s a ringing in her ears, and Dream is laughing, and Niki thinks this can’t get any worse. She doesn’t notice Wilbur slipping away.
Technoblade raises his crossbow.
(Wilbur dies, and the world shatters.)
It's simple. Broken boys and men show up on her doorstep, fingers stained with gunpowder paired with hazy eyes as wounds litter their skin. Niki lets them in, presses a mug of hot tea in their hands, and holds them carefully as they crack.
Fundy apologises for burning her flag. Niki pats his shoulder and says she understands.
Tubbo invites her to tend to his bees and flowers. Niki smiles and says yes.
Jack tells her he's tired. Niki dips her head and says I know.
Tommy scuffs worn shoes on her carpet, a pale shadow of the laughing boy who had dragged her into L'manburg, and says he misses Wilbur. Niki doesn’t reply.
Wilbur’s just gone for a trip. He’ll be back. He has to be back, or all of it would be for nothing, and Niki Nihachu does not give up but she sure is close now.
(Fundy is the one to carefully press the truth into her hands. She doesn’t know how to feel about it.)
Niki sweeps into Eret's castle, sits down next to aem in the garden on the thoughtfully laid out blanket. She had brought cookies, chocolate chips folded into the dough and baked golden-brown. Eret sits with her, hands curled around aer mug of hot chocolate as they watch leaves the colour of fire fall to the ground.
Autumn is here, and things are wilting away.
"Do you regret what you did? Breaking Wilbur that way?" Niki asks finally, glancing at her old friend.
"Some days." Eret laughs without mirth, sunglasses slipping to reveal blind eyes. "But really, Niki. Do you think Wilbur would have been alright even without me? Do you think you would have won?"
Niki does not reply, and they sip their hot chocolate as the conversation shifts to gentler waters.
On cold days when she’s alone, she pulls out Wilbur’s old coat, having cleaned and mended it as best as she could from when she scavenged it. No one gave Wilbur a burial. They left him there, in that tomb of stone. Niki leaves the cold body there as well, too tired to dig a grave.
And she’ll inhale the scent of cinnamon and coffee and smoke from the coat, the scent so utterly Wilbur’s and already fading. She’ll tug it on, big as it is, and feels like she’s grabbed some of Wilbur’s never ending determination and made it her own.
(Such a foolish thing, but Wilbur had been her best friend, and now she’s drowning without his firm leadership.)
The memories stack up, blur together, and Niki will press bits of kindness into people's hands, bitter irony tinged with grief as she moves on. Obsidian walls ring her world, and Niki watches Tommy get exiled and thinks, good.
Niki watches Tubbo crumble, watches Ranboo falter, watches everyone either shrink in on themselves or tower above the rest. Her fingers itch to help before she stops herself.
Why does she have to be strong for them? She thinks finally, sour anger threaded with sweet satisfaction at the thought. No one was there for her. No one asked if she was alright.
Because she’s Niki, gentle and kind, always happy no matter what. A beacon of hope, of stability, and Niki remembers when she was once proud of that. Now it brings her tears and guilt and war-tainted people to her house, aching for words to soothe their pain.
Niki isn't a crutch. She isn't obliged to help people. Not when they shut her down just as fast, not when they call her the first woman of L’manburg and never listen to what she has to say.
(Ironic, isn’t it? Schlatt might have been the only one who truly saw Niki as a founder for L’manburg with all his distrust, with all his pressure on her so she would crack. And even then it was just so he could hurt Wilbur.)
She's just so tired. She misses Wilbur too, she's shattering too, but she is worn stone against the cold wind, and no one can hear her scream.
It’s just thing after thing, fire after fire and Ranboo betrays them, but Niki stops to think. Choose people. Wasn’t that what she did, following Wilbur like she did?
Niki stares at the L’mantree, the last sign of L’manburg’s purity. She thinks she understands now. This really is a broken country, wasn’t it?
“It was never meant to be.”
(Niki Nihachu was the first woman of L'manburg, and she looks at the crater that she once called home and thinks 'That's that.')