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Hawks wasn’t sure what made him find his way to one of the few balconies that hadn’t been closed off. It wasn't like he could go anywhere - every possible entrance or exit was going to be carefully guarded until they could enact their plan they had been forming.
(And it wasn't like he could really use it to fly either. His wings, while thankfully had started to grow back, he knew he would need to rest them as long as possible to be useful in the upcoming fight.)
But still, there was something about letting the fresh air blow against his face that was helping him to settle him down for the night. He had spent the last hour or so pacing in the room, trying to waste enough time where most people would hopefully be asleep so he could do something to release the extra energy that was building in him. He had explored a few of the halls and even did a few quick laps around one of the meeting rooms until he had found one of the few balconies that weren’t completely blocked off, probably only due to how high up it was.
“It’s a shame we’re in the city, isn’t it?”
Apparently he wasn’t the only one. Hawks watched in the corner of his eye as Natsuo leaned his forearms against the same railing he was.
“What makes you say that?”
“The stars, I guess.” Natsuo managed a shrug. “They would be easier to see if we didn’t have the city lights to deal with.”
(“Do you think you could fly us out to the countryside so we can really see the stars?” One leg dangled off the side of the building as he stared over the countless others in front of them. “I would like to see them before everything is over.”
He should have done it right then. He wished he did.
He didn’t think he would ever get a chance now.)
He shook himself from his thoughts.
“They are nice to look at.” He didn’t see them too often, only when missions took him farther out or when he let himself fly higher, ignoring the chill as it seeped into his bones. Considering those didn’t have the publicity the Commission always wanted him to have, it didn’t happen all that often.
Natsuo hummed as a response, letting the two of them go back to standing in silence.
"You two.” He paused. “The two of you were close, right?"
And there it was. The reason why he had been avoiding that whole family as much as he could. He had to deal with Endeavor due to meetings, but the moment they were over he tried his best to avoid him and the rest of the Todorokis. After the broadcast and a few other things coming to light, all of them had been sending different glances his way any time they were in the same room. He could tell all of them were itching to ask him the many questions they had, and he wasn’t sure he even had the answers any of them would want to hear.
And he figured it was only a matter of time before one of them actually approached him about it.
Hawks glanced over to Natsuo who was still gazing at the few clouds in the night sky.
"I suppose so." Close was certainly a way to describe them.
"Can you tell me about him?"
"Are you sure?" He considered himself an optimistic realist most days. It’s how he survived as long as he did.
And knowing those odds he had already ran through countless times, he knew it was probably going to be easier on Natsuo if they didn’t continue this conversation.
"Before he left." Natsuo was wringing his hands together. "Before we thought he died, we were fairly close. Or at least, as close as we could be I guess considering everything else going on.” Natsuo sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “Once we were actually allowed to spend time together, he did his best to make up for lost time in his own way. Walk us to and from school, try to help me out with homework when he could. Draw our father’s attention away from us when he was in a really bad mood. I’ve always wondered how things would have been if he managed to stick around.”
(“Who were you? Who was the you before now?” He had whispered the question as they both remained hidden under the covers late one night. It was stuffy, not fully comfortable to breathe in, but they could pretend, for just once, that the rest of the world didn’t exist.
“Who I was is long gone, birdy. He cared too much and he paid the price for it. And from his ashes I was born.”)
"Ok." Hawks sighed once he caught Natsuo’s pleading look. He knew he could turn away, make his way back to his room to avoid this whole conversation.
But part of him kept repeating that there were only a few people who might understand his complicated feelings towards Dabi, and one of them was standing next to him wanting to know more.
"Ok. Yeah. I can try."
And so he started at the beginning, only leaving out the parts Natsuo either couldn't know, or things Hawks highly doubted he would want to hear about his brother.
It had started as a contact, simple as that. A way for Hawks to get close to the League.
Then the simple meetings of briefly exchanging information or missions got longer. Splitting whatever food Hawks brought with him or just exchanging quips back and forth until one of their phones buzzed too much for them to ignore.
Dabi impatiently waiting, tapping his feet and occasionally smoking whenever Hawks' hero stuff took longer than expected, grumbling how Hawks really couldn't afford to be late to their meetings.
(Though, he wasn't subtle as he always looked over Hawks to make sure he wasn't injured.)
A sudden storm had caught them one time, causing them to duck into an empty mostly-intact building to wait it out. They had no other choice - there was no way Hawks could even think of flying, and while the other man never said anything, Hawks could only guess that Dabi’s scars and thin clothing would make it practically guaranteed that he would end up sick if he stayed out for more than a few minutes.
So, they waited.
At some point they moved more to the side, eventually both of them sitting down, Hawks using one of his wings as a way to block Dabi from the bits of wind and rain that still made its way in.
He wasn't sure when they fell asleep, but Hawks was the first to wake. The storm seemed to have finally stopped, though it was still dark out.
Dabi was still asleep, curling into Hawks at some point to preserve what little heat there was.
Hawks couldn't help but realize then that Dabi was probably close to his own age. He was normally scowling, half hidden in dark alleys, his flames dancing up his arms and body any time he needed to be intimidating. The dark hair, the piercings, the scars , they all added together to make Dabi appear as an old, yet somehow ageless, destructive force.
But now he was relaxed, his face undoubtedly uncomfortably smushed against the fluffiest part of Hawks' jacket.
He wondered how long Dabi had gone without a proper night's rest if he was able to sleep like that.
So, he shifted the two of them, being as careful as he could to not wake the other, so Dabi wasn't at as awful of an angle, before drifting off to sleep once more.
When he awoke the second time, Dabi was gone.
There was a shift after that. A small one, but still a shift.
Dabi would lean in closer, Hawks might draw his wing around the other if they weren't too close to others, making some excuse that the wind was strong that night or he thought he saw something in the distance. Dabi clearly never believed it, but never tried to push the wing away.
Both started showing up in their meeting spots earlier, dragging them out even longer when they could.
Then, Dabi was late.
Really late.
Well, ten minutes might not be considered really late to most people, but Hawks had already been pacing and toying with jumping into the air to start a search when Dabi had finally shown up.
After he noticed Dabi was limping and trying (and failing) to hide the blood dripping from his side, things got blurry. He remembered arguing with Dabi about what happened and asking where he normally got stitched up so he could at least bring him there. When Dabi wouldn't budge, he scooped the other up ( man, he knew Dabi was skinny, but he didn't expect him to weigh almost nothing), before flying them high in the air until they got to his apartment and quickly got to work to clean up the worst of it.
(It wasn’t like he had another choice - he couldn't just bring Dabi to a hospital after all.)
Dabi managed to cuss at him for being reckless a few times before passing out on Hawks’ bed.
“I’m not surprised that hasn’t changed,” Natsuo chuckled, breaking Hawks’ story. “I remember patching him up a few times, and he would always tell me he was fine and could handle it himself as he was using the counter to hold himself up.”
“He used to stumble in at all hours, no idea how he even managed to make it up to my floor, grumbling the entire time I helped him that he didn’t need help but never made a move to stop me.” He couldn’t help but laugh as well at the memories, doing his best to ignore the feeling in his gut when it crossed his mind the reasons why Natsuo would have had to bandage Dabi up.
“Does he still get weirdly competitive about everything?”
“Yes.”
He remembered one of the first times he was invited to the League’s hideout of the month, shocked to find it was game night. A card game was already set up on the rickety table, a hand already dealt to where he was pushed to sit. Twice and Toga bickered over the rules they explained to him, occasionally Spinner or Compress would take pity and explain the actual rules. Dabi had been the one to suggest dares to the loser of each round.
Dabi had also been the first to end up grumbling as Toga sat happily, carefully painting his nails a sparkly mixture of whatever colors she had.
“He used to try to race me home when we knew our father wouldn’t be there.” Natsuo let himself lean back, his hands gripping the railing being the only thing keeping him from falling flat on his back. “He could never make it more than halfway before he had to stop. The first time, I nearly made it all the way back home before I realized he was laying on the grass a few streets back trying to catch his breath. It never stopped him from challenging me every time though.”
“He tried challenging me to an eating contest once. One of those spice challenges that restaurants advertise, right? I think he forgot I can just. Swallow things whole sometimes. Bypass it landing on my tongue. I think the only reason he didn’t throw up from the spice was his own stubbornness.”
Hawks noticed one of Natsuo’s eyebrows raise in confusion.
“Oh, uh. Bird thing?” He awkwardly motioned to himself.
He forgot he wasn’t talking to someone who he knew would be fine with all of the things the Commission tried to train out of him.
“Man, that’s cool. Could’ve used that one growing up.”
Hawks tilted his head in confusion. Few people were even aware he could do that. Even fewer people at least pretended it didn’t bother them.
He didn't think there was anyone who described it as cool before.
“You weren’t there when Yumi was trying to learn how to cook.” Natsuo let out another short laugh. “She can cook just about anything now , but when she was first learning? Let’s just say if only the salt and sugar was mixed up, it was a good meal.”
Hawks almost asked why she didn’t have their mom teach her, before catching himself.
Right. She probably only got a handful of chances to learn before their mom was sent away and their brother disappeared.
He stretched out his limbs as the silence went on for a few minutes, neither one of them quite ready to continue just yet.
“Did.” Hawks paused as he rethought his question. “Did he ever take any dance classes when you guys were younger?”
Natsuo tilted his head as he thought about it. “I remember him sometimes dancing in place if he was excited about something, so I wouldn’t be surprised if mom had signed him up for something under the excuse that it would benefit his training, keep him quick on his feet or whatever, or maybe even replace some of his training.” Natsuo shrugged. "I can try asking Yumi or our mom about it, but I also get it if you don't want me to."
"It's not a big thing." He waved one of his hands to brush the thought away. "It's more that I noticed he almost dances when he moves, so I was curious about it."
It had taken time for Hawks to really see it. If it wasn’t for his training, though, he wasn’t sure if he would have noticed it until much later. A few bounces when Hawks managed to get permission to hand over a good file, maybe a quick twirl when Dabi thought he was too much in the shadows for Hawks to see after he got his fill of whatever food Hawks had brought that day, something he could guess was rare for Dabi.
But then, after their relationship got even more complicated when they moved past just flirting, and a few times of him reminding Dabi that no, he didn’t have to leave his bed, he could stay until morning, he managed to see more of it.
The first few mornings were awkward as they tried to adjust to each other again. Neither were used to willingly sharing a space, Dabi making some excuse that he had to be somewhere before darting through the window, trying to sneak out early enough before anyone might see him.
Another round of assurances, an offer to actually stock up on food so they didn’t have to rely on take-out or whatever the local convenience store had, led to Hawks groggily waking up one morning to the sound of some soft jazz coming from the kitchen with the smell of actual, legitimate food being made.
He knew he was smiling as he slowly made his way over, excited that Dabi finally felt comfortable staying longer.
And paused.
His smile grew softer when he leaned against the doorway as he watched Dabi sway along to the melody that was playing as he cooked some form of omelets.
Hawks didn’t find out what they initially were as Dabi froze and dropped the pan when he turned around to see that Hawks was watching him.
After that, it became almost a game as Hawks tried to see how long he could watch before Dabi caught him, since almost always the moment he was caught, he would revert back to his previous aloof persona.
Until he decided he had enough and dragged Hawks along with him one morning.
It was honestly sweet the few times Dabi had attempted to dance with him in his kitchen with some soft song playing in the background. He had been trained for some formal dances since he was expected to attend different Galas and Balls, but he never had the same grace that Dabi had as he led the two of them around all of his furniture.
He just followed, stealing kisses when he could, which always got a chuckle from his dance partner before spinning them around once again.
Times like that, he could just pretend they weren’t on opposite sides. They were just two people who maybe cared about each other more than they should, dancing and laughing as they got ready for the day, dragging out each moment before they had to step outside and leave those moments behind until they were both there again.
And really, deep down, they both knew it was only a matter of time until something happened to stop all of it.
Hawks glanced over at Natsuo again, deciding to keep going, talking about a few other things that crossed his mind. How everyone piled on him after long days since he was always warm and it felt good against their sore muscles. He could get just about any stray animal to approach him when he wanted them to. He would do that pen twirling motion with his fire when he was bored. He had the absolute worst taste in movies, only wanting to watch the worst rated horror movies he could find, but would only read books that always had some form of deeper meaning to them.
And in turn, Natsuo shared the few other memories he had. There weren’t as many, he admitted, that were good ones. Touya reading him stories to help him fall asleep, or him spinning the two of them around, excited, when Natsuo got a better grade than he was expecting. How he did attempt to teach both of them a few things in the kitchen before he left, and how he wished he paid attention to that rather than trying to drag them outside to play.
“I wish things were different. I think I would have liked to have you as a brother, too.”
Hawks felt every fiber of his being still.
He hadn’t directly said anything, had he? He knew it was hard for him to avoid everything, but he thought he kept it vague enough.
"It's in the way you talk about him." Natsuo's smile was soft as he glanced over at Hawks. "It's nice to hear about him from someone who actually cares about him.”
“I’m sorry.” The words were out of his mouth quicker than his thoughts. “If I had found out sooner. Then maybe.”
“Hawks. It’s fine.” Natsuo’s smile took on a sad undertone. “Touya’s always been stubborn like that. If he didn’t want you to know something, you weren’t going to know about it. I’m just glad he had someone who still cared for him, even for a little bit.”
Another breeze fluttered through his wings and hair as they stood there. He tried to let Natsuo’s words settle in, but his mind kept telling him there was more, so much more he could have done.
“Do you think there’s even a chance we’ll even see him again?”
Hawks closed his eyes.
Not save him. Natsuo wanted to know if there was a chance of only seeing him.
(The idea of saving him was too much to even consider hoping for.)
A few months ago, if things had gone differently. If he had known, then maybe, just maybe, things might be different now. Maybe the two of them could have come up with a different plan. A way to make both of them free. If he had been given more information, then surely the two of them could have come up with something. He knew they could. Dabi had his goal, he had his own. Enough of it overlapped that he was sure they could find something that worked. They were both smart, they both had connections. They could find a way.
He could retire after they got what they wanted, or at least focus more on being an actual Hero if he didn’t have to lay low, doing the work for the sake of helping people rather than striving for a high ranking in a flawed system. The two of them could find somewhere on the edge of the city, close enough to his siblings, a chance for them all to reconnect, with the ability to escape city life when they wanted. Give Dabi’s burns a chance to heal, let his wings stretch out more. Fill their place with all the books and music Dabi could ever want. Huge windows for him to fly through and to let in all the sunlight. A big kitchen so he didn’t have to worry about accidentally knocking things over with his wings all the time.
(He touched down inside of the house to find Touya dancing around the kitchen, listening to some older band Keigo once again didn’t recognize, as he made dinner. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched Touya’s graceful movements as he went from mixing things in a bowl, to opening cabinets to find another ingredient, back to whatever he was cooking on the stove.)
But things hadn’t gone that way. Hawks didn’t know until too late, until he had already betrayed Dabi’s trust too much to ever hope to repair back to what they had before, all for what he was told would be for the good of many.
Instead, they were preparing for a fight on opposite sides once again, and at best only one of them was going to make it to see what comes of it.
(“Are you just going to stand there, pretty bird?”
He laughed before walking over so he could lean against Touya’s back, placing a quick kiss over the now pink scars on his neck, before peeking to see what was being made.
“That’s a lot of food for the two of us.”
“Natsu and his girlfriend are stopping by for dinner. Yumi and Shou might stop by too.”
“Need me to do anything?” Keigo loved it when Touya’s siblings stopped by, so he really didn’t mind that he wasn’t given notice.
“And have you burn the food I’ve worked so hard on? Not happening.”)
He had seen the plans they were coming up with on this side, and he knew Dabi and the rest were going to be giving it all they had.
(Touya yelped when Keigo pinched his side.
“Rude!” He managed to say through his laughter.
“Fine, fine! Go grab the plates. Or maybe go shower first. You stink from your shift.”
Touya started to playfully push Keigo towards their bathroom.)
“I could lie, if it would make it easier.”
He decided it would be better to not mention the tears that had long since started running down Natsuo’s cheeks, deciding it better to just lean against the other man to offer some form of comfort.
If he said anything about it, he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep his own back.
("Hold on!” Keigo pouted as he crossed his arms. “You’re forgetting something.”
Touya rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”)
“At least he’ll be able to watch the stars as much as he wants.”
It came out quieter than he wanted. More of a whisper around the lump in his throat.
(Still, he leaned forward, a smile on his face as he pressed their lips together for a quick kiss.)
“Yeah. He always complained we could barely see them.”
Keigo swallowed, doing his best to blink away the burning in his eyes.
(“Welcome home, Keigo.”)
And if he makes it out of this, he knew he was going to be spending more time looking up at those same stars.
(“I’m glad to be be home, Touya.”)