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***
MJ knew just what allowing Peter Parker into her life as much as she has would entail. She could've never predicted Mysterio outing his identity, and the butterfly effect that would take place the following weeks. She also couldn't have predicted just how everything she would dare do could get published into the New York Times the following morning. The label "Spider-Man's girlfriend" followed her around damn near everywhere she went. "Peter Parker's girlfriend," however, didn't seem to follow her quite as much.
Spider-Man is cool and all. She loves what he stands for. She's not in love with him, however.
She's in love with Peter Parker.
If she were being honest with herself, she kinda resents Spider-Man. Spider-Man is what has gotten Peter Parker into danger too many times for her liking. While she's aware Peter can take the full speed of a bullet train, that would never stop her from pushing him out of harms way regardless.
She'd be naive, fooling herself if she thought she, Peter, or Ned had a chance in hell of getting into MIT. It didn't matter what any of them would say, the controversy at this rate is just too great. She didn't try to be a pessimist, but it was far more productive in her mind that she just accepts reality for what it is.
She'll allow Peter and Ned to believe that at face value she's on the same page as them about colleges, but that doesn't mean her mind hasn't already been mapping out other alternatives. The more realistic paths they could potentially take. But for now, she'll just keep those ideas to herself.
***
MJ sighs as she watches Peter leap out once again of his living room window, leaving her and Ned to themselves.
"When did this start getting easier?" She asks, barely above a whisper as she flips through her textbook.
Ned just chuckles, not looking up from his notebook as he continues writing notes. "It never did. I mean.... it was cool at first.... I thought." Ned bites his lip and starts messing with the tip of his eraser, a nervous habit MJ has picked up on that Ned has. "But it didn't take me that long to realize just how dangerous what he does really is. I mean... I still think it's cool sometimes. But I hate not knowing if...." He trails off, obviously not wanting to mentally go where his train of thought was headed.
MJ nodded, as Ned continues. "Now with his identity not even being a secret anymore, that just makes it all the scarier. It's like there's just-"
"Nowhere to hide." MJ cut him off, Ned looking over at her, with the signature wide eyed Ned look. Ned sighs, nodding. "Nothing is normal anymore. The other day my Lola needed some ingredients so I went out to the store. But I couldn't even get halfway there without Daily Bugle trucks stopping me and asking if Peter has ever gotten detention."
MJ can't help but let out a short laugh. "I really hope you lied. Last thing he needs is a new headline reading, 'Spider Menace regularly gets detention.'."
Ned smirks, "Of course I did. Told them he is a model student that was always on time for everything." They both laugh, as Ned sets down his notebook. "I mean who do you think you're talking to MJ? I have years of experience, I'm a great liar."
MJ raises an eyebrow, "I've never disagreed with you more, dude." Neds mouth goes agape, as she continues. "Remember the Christmas party Harrington held for our decathlon team sophomore year?" Ned starts to plug his ears, "Nope! I can't hear you la la la!"
"Peter left abruptly?" She adds, raising her voice. "I asked you where he went and you said he had appendicitis??"
"Ok ok ok. That was a weak one." Ned chimes in, hoping she won't go on any further. He's not that lucky however. She smirks as she finishes, "But then he came back in healthy as ever as the party was ending."
Ned lets out a small laugh, as she pats his shoulder and loads her book into her bag. "I need to get back home, mom wants me home by 6. Are you staying here or leaving?"
"Staying." Ned replies, a pensive look on his face. MJ looks back at him, noticing the sudden shift in his mood. He then looks up at her as if he's seen a ghost. "He has these really cool super powers, but he's the closest I'll ever have to a brother." He shakes his head a little, before adding. "I'd die for him, you know?"
MJ gives him a sad smile. "Yeah, me too."
***
Peter winces as MJ dabs the washcloth onto his bare skin. She wishes there was a less painful way of helping him, but with how much blood there is she can't just leave it alone either.
"I still can't believe those assholes pulled a knife on you." She mutters under her breath, pouring a little more aloe onto the cloth before she dabs at the area again.
Peter laughs a little, though it sounds strained. "I can." She frowns, before he puts his hand under her face. "Hey, I'm alright. It's not like it went deep to the point that I need a hospital or anything." He yawns. "A full night of sleep and I'll be fine." He adds, eyelids start to droop.
She shakes her head, before adjusting the pillow under his head. "I'm going to call May soon, I'll let her know you'll be here overnight." She stands up, putting more covers over him. "Is there anything else you need or are you ok?"
"Mmmmph. Cheeseburger, a medium fry, coke-"
"Peter."
"I'm good MJ." He chuckles sleepily, "Just a joke."
"It wasn't funny." She replies, looking down, trying desperately not to sound like she's about to burst into tears. She knew maybe she was being overly emotional right now. She couldn't help it. She is always scared of this kind of stuff happening and here it has happened and stupid Parker is making stupid jokes about it.
It could've been worse, yes. But that doesn't mean one day it won't be worse.
She realizes she has been staring at her hands gripping onto her sweatpants as she tried to steady herself, as she looks back up at him wondering why he hasn't replied yet, and immediately sees why. He is now out like a light, taking in steady and deep breaths. She sighs, brushing her hand past his cheek and gives him a soft kiss on his parted lips.
Her eyes are burning and she feels as though she's choking on something. She knows she is due for a mental breakdown over this whole thing. She has never cried in front of Peter though. Not that she's one of those people that get embarrassed about crying.
At least, that's not something she'd ever be willing to admit to anyone but herself.
She takes a deep breath, composing herself as she gets her phone off her charger and leaves her room so she can call May.
***
MJ blinks as she takes in her surroundings. She looks over and sees Peter, sound asleep and facing her in the morning sunlight. It takes her a moment before she remembers why he was there.
She traces her finger lightly over his scar from last night, yep, thanks to that super healing it looks better already.
She smiles, just taking him in for a few moments before deciding she wants to talk to him. "Peter." She whispers, stroking his face. Nothing.
He sleeps way too deeply sometimes. It's annoying, especially when she wants to talk to the weirdo. She sighs, as she props herself up on her elbow and nudges him, "Peter." She says, just a little louder now. Still nothing.
"Come on Parker, I need to talk to you." Nothing. As a matter of fact, she starts to notice he's.... really stiff. Her eyebrows furrow, sitting up fully on her bed while he's still completely motionless. She pulls the covers down off his chest and notices there's no rise and fall happening there.
She feels herself beginning to panic. She can't let herself think the worst. It's not the worst case scenario. He was fine last night! She has seen him worse.... right?
"Peter?" She scoops his head off the pillow and brings it onto her lap. "Peter....Peter wake up I really need to talk to you."
Ghostly pale. Stiff as a board. She finally brings herself to put her two fingers onto his neck to try and find beating in his pulse. But.... there's nothing.
She feels tears beginning to fall. "Peter!" MJ finally gives into the panic and dread she has been trying to avoid.
"Please!" The sobs begin, "Plea-hease!"
But he's dead. He's so cold. There's no denying it.
This is all her fault. She should've taken him to the hospital. The wound was deeper than they thought. Nothing she was qualified to handle by herself.
This isn't right, Peter isn't supposed to be laying here lifeless.
They were supposed to have a future together. Her. Peter. Ned. MIT or no MIT, they were all in this together. Always.
How was she supposed to face May ever again? Ned? Happy? The people who also loved Peter? The other people who would die for him? She would've died for him! But he died on her watch.
Which is something she could never forgive herself for, as she gives into the endless despair she'll feel for the rest of her life. Rocking him back and forth in her arms, his head cradled, just asking "Why?" over and over again amidst her sobs.
"I can't do this without you."
***
Peter wakes up abruptly, hearing a very quiet cry right next to him, as he notices that it's MJ. He's confused momentarily before the memories of where he was right before he fell asleep come flooding right back to him.
That still doesn't answer why she's crying though. Come to think of it, he has never seen or heard or cry.
He furrows his eyebrows as he winces and sits up on her bed and turns her light on so he can actually see her.
After taking a moment so his eyes can adjust to the lighting, his heart breaks at what he sees. Her crying is getting progressively louder before she quietly asks, "Why?"
He pushes tear soaked hair back, "Hey." He whispers, trying to comfort her before he is able to put two and two together that she has to be having a nightmare.
Her 'why's' start to become more frantic, and she begins to hyperventilate. "MJ, wake up. I'm right here." He whispers soothingly, but she still isn't waking up. "I cant do this without you." She whispers brokenly.
He bites his lip, before starting to lightly shake her. "MJ, MJ hey wake up." He says louder, finally snapping her awake as she snaps up into a sitting position. Her eyes are hazy and bloodshot, and her face is tear soaked. Her breathing is still uneasy.
Peter rubs circles up and down her back, wanting to give her time to fully wake up. She must have been inside her own head for awhile, because when she finally looks back in his direction, her eyes go wide and almost immediately hugs him.
"I tho-I thought you...." MJ brokenly says into his shoulder. "Shhhh." He cuts her off, "I'm right here. Whatever it was MJ, I'm right here."
Her crying lasts for a few more minutes, before she finally breaks the hug from him and grabs his hands, taking a deep breath. "Sorry."
Peter goes speechless for a moment before replying, "You?.... You have nothing to apologize for, are you ok?"
"Uh...." She nods, "Yeah." Sighing, MJ shakes her head, "God it felt so real. I felt you Peter you felt.... so cold. I thought I....." Peter pushes some of her hair behind her ear, "I really thought I lost you."
"I'm ok. Really, I've been stabbed way worse before. I'm kinda like a human pin cushion to some of those guys." He chuckles, thinking what he just said would have comforted her but instead, it didn't. She squeezes his hands a little harder.
"God, Peter." She squeezes her eyes shut. "You really need to not do that."
"What?"
"Making light of it. What you go through, day in day out. None of it is ok. It could've been worse today sure, but what if it still was?"
Peter tilts his head, "If I don't make light of it MJ, then I think I'd go a little crazy. I think it's important to find the humor in a lot of these situations, don't you think?"
"I think there's a healthy middle to be found. Let me ask you something Peter." She says, before finally looking back up at him, "If it had been me stabbed today, would you have been making light of it?"
Peter knows if the roles had been reversed, the last thing he'd ever be doing is make light of it. He shakes his head, "I'm sorry." He replies, as he scoots closer to her and rubs a stray tear off her face.
"God and stop doing that too. You're always sorry." She yawns. "You have nothing to be sorry for." She finishes, as he notices her words are starting to slur a little.
"I can't promise the apologies will end." He lets out a short laugh, "I guess I'm just one of those people that feels sorry a lot." He shrugs, pushing some of her hair back behind her shoulder.
"Are those people really worth it?" She asks him, "I mean, I love what Spider-Man stands for but.... sometimes it can't always feel worth it? The danger you get yourself into?"
"It's worth it." Peter doesn't even need to think about it, he knows it's worth it.
"But...." She trails off, seemingly hestitating. She bites her lip, before sighing and finishing her sentence. "I hate not knowing if I'll ever see you again."
He gives her a sympathetic look, as he rubs his thumb up and down her knuckles. "Everytime I go out there I know the risks involved. I try and be careful to the best of my ability. It's not even for me either. But you, Ned, my Aunt May. I wanna be able to come back to you guys everytime. Which is also why I have to do what I do, MJ." Peter smiles, nostalgically recalling a conversation he had with Tony when they first met. "Someone needs to be out looking for the little guy."
MJ's lips quirk up into a half smile. "You're a cheesy dork, you know that?"
"You only remind me everyday." He replied, smiling fondly at her. He notices her eyes are drooping more and more now, right as he looks at the clock, and he's shocked to see it's only 2 am.
"Come on, let's lay down." He whispers, as he pulls the covers back up again, and MJ doesn't hesitate to lay back down with him and they very quickly cuddle into eachother without a second thought.
"How's that?" She slurs after a minute, pointing at the scar from his stab wound.
"Itchy." He assures her, brushing his nose against hers. "You really don't need to worry. I'm ok, I promise."
MJ nods, and rubs her nose back and forth against his as he can't help but grin. He really doesn't want this moment to end with her. If all the time could be like this, he wouldn't complain about anything ever again.
"I think I get it from May."
"Hmm?" MJ quietly hums while tracing her finger lightly over his face.
"No, just...." He sighs, "She has a way with words that I don't really have. She once said 'When you help someone, you help everyone.' She said that years ago and it has always stuck with me... and my Uncle Ben also just always knew what to say when he was alive. Without them, really, I don't know who I'd be."
"Yeah....wish I met him." She replies, voice barely above a whisper, "I'm not surpised May said that though. She's always keeping your ass in line." Peter feels her smile against his skin. He laughs.
"Yeah she can make me almost do anything that isn't remembering to turn a light off when I leave the room."
"If we get into MIT...."
"When." Peter quickly corrects her.
She lets out a small laugh, "Yeah ok." She replies, sounding like she doesn't believe it. Not that it's shocking to Peter. He knows how pragmatic she is. "Better tell those MIT girls to stay away."
"What?" He laughs.
"You're the most... famous guy in the world." MJ sarcastically says in between tiredly chuckling.
"Well, in that case better make sure those MIT dudes know to stay away from you as well." Peter leans into her touch.
"Hmm." Her tracing is slowing down.
Peter knows it's only a matter of time before she falls back asleep, so he better ask this while he can still get a response out of her.
"You gonna be ok?" He asks, as he begins to feel the pull of sleep returning. "Mmhmm." She hums, right as her tracing stops. He hears her breathing begin to even out again as he grabs her hand from his face and rubs it. He sets it down gently before bringing his own hand to her hair, pulling her closer to him.
He rubs his hand up and down her hair as he just takes in the moment for a minute.
Just as he's about to fall back to sleep, he makes sure one more time she's sound asleep, right before he whispers a very quiet "I love you."