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“Ouch!”
“The beetles are the ones fighting, not us. You don’t have to say ‘ouch’ every time Onikabro takes a hit.”
“Not that!” Itto scoffed, “…This time.” he added, much more quietly. “Something bit me, dude!”
Ayato quickly stood, brushing off his pants. “Whatever it is, I will kill it.”
“N-no! What if it’s friendly?!”
“It bit you.” Ayato replied, an exhausted sigh. “Fine, I won’t kill it. But I will escort it from the premises.”
“I-I guess that’s fair. It really hurts though.” Itto stood up too, pulling up his pants leg to take a look at his calf. “AAAH!”
“What is it?” Ayato asked, a chill running up his spine. “I’m going to kill it.”
“No! J-just l-look…” Itto trembled, turning his leg so Ayato could see.
His entire leg… was blue!
“That’s not normal.” Ayato shuddered. “Let’s get you to a hospit– AHH!” Ayato cried out, feeling something bite his legs. “Shit!”
Ayato grabbed Itto by the hand, intending to pull him out of the room when suddenly the world spun around them, their vision going black.
“My lord?” a voice echoed in his ears. “My lord, can you hear me?” it continued.
Ayato wiggled his fingers, feeling returning to them. He slowly pressed them against the floor, attempting to push himself upright. His muscles trembled and he panted, collapsing back onto the floor.
“My lord, thank goodness you’re okay!” the voice said, and he could hear the faint sound of himself speaking distantly.
“Someone help the yokai!”
Suddenly Ayato felt arms wrap around his waist… And then another pair of arms… and then a third.
“Heaaaveee!” several voices said in unison, and they lifted up Ayato’s body. His eyes fell open slowly, the world blurry before he locked eyes with Thoma.
His body felt abnormal. It reminded him of when he had been in the water too long. Now his body was heavy, weighed down by gravity. With a bit of patience, he was able to stand again. His staff let go of him, watching him wobble a bit before getting his bearings.
“Are you okay?” Thoma asked.
Ayato opened his mouth to speak, “I’m fine–” A horrified pause. “What in Celestia’s name is wrong with my voice?!” he panicked, hearing the terrifying distortion. He looked down at his hands, seeing giant meaty palms, long black fingernails, “What the–”
He collapsed to the floor with a loud thud, fainting.
Itto sat in the Estate’s nursery, staring down at his skinny legs, eyebrows furrowed. “Man, I’ve really been skipping leg day, lately.” he said to himself, a bit disoriented.
Thoma came inside, sitting down next to him. “My lord, are you sure you’re okay? You look really out of it.”
“Uh, can I ask you something?” Itto said, his confusion growing.
“Anything, my lord!”
“What’s with the fake horns, dude? Not cool. Oh yeah, and why do you keep calling me ‘my lord’? I mean, not that I’m complaining! But, y’know. Clue me in!”
“Huh? Oh, um… Haah… Did you want me to call you… master?”
“M-Mas–” Itto choked on his spit, coughing violently. Thoma gently patted his back.
“S-sorry… not in the mood? How about…” he looked around to make sure they were alone before leaning close, whispering in Itto’s ear, “Daddy.”
Itto practically hacked up a lung, springing upright and distancing himself from Thoma, “What the heck dude?! What’s wrong with you?!” he spluttered, “I don’t even know you!”
Thoma grimaced. “Amnesia? That’s much worse than I thought… Maybe we should get you to the hospital…”
Itto whirled around, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror before turning back to Thoma, “I’m fine, dude!” He froze, turning back to the mirror. “W-whoa… Is this a window?” he asked.
Thoma stood, coming to see. “No, that’s a mirror. My lord, seriously, let’s get to–”
Before he could finish, Itto collapsed onto the ground.
Itto was startled awake, the feeling of large hands gripping him by his shirt, shaking him violently.
“Itto!” the voice roared and his eyes popped open, looking around wildly.
“I-I’m up!” he gasped.
He finally focused his vision on the sight in front of him. It was… a huge man! With amazing abs… and great hair! And… No, wait…
It was Itto!
“Okay, I’m definitely not awake yet…” he said, the room beginning to spin, “I’m gonna go back to bed–”
“You are awake!” Ayato hissed, “Give me my body back!”
Itto’s face scrunched up. “No, dude. You give me mine back. Although, I don’t really understand what’s happening here.”
“You’re me!” Ayato whisper-yelled.
“What?” He looked at the Itto-esque figure in front of him. “No, dude. You’re me.”
“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?”
Itto thought for a moment, the memory of his terrifying run-in with the fake-horn dude resurfacing in his mind. “Oh, yeah. But it was weird. For some reason, Ayato was trapped in the mirror. Super scary. I mean, I like Ayato. But I don’t wanna see him when I look in the mirror. No offense to him if he’s listening right now… hiding in a mirror.”
Ayato stared at him in disbelief. “I am Ayato!”
Itto gasped. “Dude, so not only are you stuck in mirrors, but now you’re stuck in some dude’s body? This is freaky.”
Ayato felt his anger boil on high before he forced it to simmer, taking a deep breath. “Itto. My sweet, sweet Itto.”
“Thanks, dude!” Itto blushed, a wide smile.
Ayato almost went off on him, but he took another deep breath. “Itto.” he emphasized, “We have switched bodies. You’re me… and I’m you. I mean for archons’ sake! Haven’t you noticed–” he almost began to yell, but he quieted himself, “Have you perhaps noticed that your voice sounds different?”
Itto thought for a moment. “This is just like my morning voice.”
“No it’s not!” Ayato blurted out. He left the room for a minute to compose himself before returning. “Itto.” he said. “I need you to work with me here. Let’s put our heads together. How did we switch bodies?”
“Uhhhh… Pffft, I dunno. I never really pay attention to like… fairy tales and stuff.”
“This isn’t a fairy tale, it’s real life! We need to hurry before someone comes in here. Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t allowed in here. I had to climb up the fire escape.”
“Welcome to my life.” Itto chuckled proudly. “Where are we anyway?” Itto asked, looking around.
“We’re in the hospital. No– you’re in the hospital… I’m in the hospital. You’re in the hospital in my body! And I have very important stuff to be doing today that can’t be done if I’m in the hospital and an oni has been transported into my body.”
“Maybe it was the bug.” Itto said, stroking his chin. “It bit both of us.”
“No, a bug can’t–” Actually, nothing would surprise Ayato at this point. “I see… so you think the bug did it.”
“Yeah, I mean if you think about it, after the bug bit us, you grabbed me by my hand. Rookie mistake. Never get bitten and then touch someone, dude. That’s dangerous.”
Ayato’s eyebrow twitched, but he decided to ignore Itto’s scolding. “My deepest apologies. But now we must fix this. Inazuma’s safety rests in our hands.”
“Why don’t I just like… do all the important stuff for you? You can take the day off. Only thing I had to do today was demolish you in some warrior-worthy competition. Now that that’s over, my– or, your– day is free!”
“Okay, first of all, you didn’t win. And second of all, no. No. No. No, no, no. That simply won’t do. It seems we did not switch brains which means you are simply incapable of doing what needs to be done today in my stead.”
“Loud and clear, bro. So what if you just come and touch me again?”
“I–” Ayato felt his cheeks grow hot at the sentiment. “Dear, mind your words.”
“What? There’s nothing wrong with what I just said.”
“You said come and touch me, which implies–”
“Ugh, get your mind out of the gutter, dude!”
Ayato stepped out of the room once more to calm himself before returning. “Okay. Fine. You stay in the hospital. Just don’t leave. Under any circumstance. And if someone comes in and asks you important questions, say you have temporary amnesia and can’t answer right now.”
“Temporary amnesia? I’m not gonna remember that.”
“Memory loss.”
“Ahh. A classic.”
[A classic in what?!]
“Okay. I’m going to go find someone to help us.” Ayato exhaled, running an agitated hand through his hair.
“Like a witch?”
“...No,” Ayato said, grimacing. “Just do what I said, okay?”
“You got it, dude!” Itto said, giving him a thumbs up.
Almost immediately after Ayato left, a strange figure entered the room.
“At last… I have scored a minute alone with the Head of the Kamisato Clan…” the strange figure said, evilly touching his fingertips together.
“The… the what?” Itto asked nervously. Ayato was what?!
“Now that it’s just you and me, I have a few questions for you.” the suspicious individual said, walking ominously up to Itto’s bed.
“I have temporary amnesia!” Itto blurted out, “That’s memory loss, if you didn’t know.”
“Nice try,” the figure chuckled, “Did your lawyer tell you to say that?”
“Pfft! Like I could afford a lawyer.”
“Well, you won’t be able to afford much of anything… when you’re dead!” the evildoer cackled and Itto shrieked, cowering away.
“Who are you and why do you want to kill me?!” he spluttered.
“Don’t play coy. You know who I am, Ayato.”
“I… I really don’t.”
“Really?”
“No.”
“Wow, so you really do have amnesia?”
“Yes.”
The figure and Itto stared at each other for a moment before the figure clicked his teeth, turning away. “What a waste of a trip. There’s no satisfaction in this. Fine. When your memory returns, so will I. You’re off the hook for now, Kamisato Ayato.”
And with that, he left.
Itto blew a relieved puff of air from his mouth. He looked down at his legs in the hospital bed. Surely he could walk, right?
Ayato’s words echoed in his mind. “You stay in the hospital. Just don’t leave. Under any circumstance.”
Well, technically Ayato had only told him not to leave the hospital. He didn’t say anything about leaving the hospital bed. Itto was hungry.
He flung the covers off his lap, unplugging the tubes connected to his body. An alarm began to beep so he reached down and unplugged the source of noise from the wall. He stood up and stretched, yawning.
Freedom at last!
He strolled down the hospital hallway, a pep in his step. Now that he was the Head of the Kamisato Clan, there had to be special perks involved.
He walked up to some lady sitting behind a desk. “Hey.” he schmoozed, winking at her. “What’s up?”
She looked down at his hospital gown, her face contorting in fear. “K-Kamisato Ayato! A-aren’t you supposed to be in bed right now?! If my superiors find out I let you roam around so indecently I’ll lose my job! Come on, let’s get you back to bed!” She stood up, hurrying to his side.
“Indecently? Itto scoffed. “What’s indecent about a dress? Men can wear dresses too, y’know!”
She leaned close, whispering in his ear, “Your backside is exposed!”
“Huh?” Itto asked, looking down at her. “Like naked?”
“Yes!” she whisper-yelled.
“Eeugh. Ayato isn’t gonna like that.” he chuckled nervously.
“You are Ayato!” she said woefully, gently guiding him back to his bed. She got him situated before leaving in a hurry.
Itto sighed. He didn’t even get food!
Just as he resigned himself to his new life of hospital imprisonment, Thoma burst through the door.
“My lord!” he said, “Oh, thank goodness you’re awake. I was so worried. I got here as soon as I could. I lost track of the yokai and had to hunt him down. Turns out he was actually here! The security has their hands on him now. Apparently, they caught him trying to slide down the fire escape. I tried to talk them out of it, but honestly… he’s probably safest with them for now.”
Itto laughed nervously. Oh, Ayato was going to hate that. “Well, uh, I’m glad you’re here now.” he said, trying his best to sound like Ayato.
“So, you remember me again?” Thoma said, coming and sitting on the bed beside Itto’s legs. “I’m so glad to hear that.”
“Of course, I remember you… son?” Itto said, his eyebrows furrowing. What was the proper response to ‘daddy’?!
“Um… well that’s a little weird, but okay!” Thoma said, leaning down and kissing Itto on the lips. Before he knew it, Thoma’s tongue was in his mouth, his hand creeping up his inner-thigh.
Sirens went off in Itto’s head and he struggled away from him, gasping for air, his entire body lit on fire. “W-w-w-what are you doing?!” he spluttered.
“Oh. Not in the mood for kisses today? That’s okay, my apologies. I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be feeling up to it.”
“W-we… Do we normally kiss?” Itto asked incredulously.
“A-all the time… My lord, maybe I should let you get some rest. You’re really out of sorts, right now. I’m scared I’m making you feel worse.”
“Um… another question. So, you… You’re my housekeeper?”
“Yes.”
“And I’m the Clan Head?”
“Yes.”
“And… we kiss?”
“And are dating, yes.”
“D-do we… Uh, do we… you know…” Itto made suggestive gestures with his hands.
“Have sex?” Thoma asked, a brow raised.
“Y-yeah…” Itto said, clearing his throat.
“Yes, yes we do.”
Itto didn’t think he could blush any harder, but he did. “Whoa! Whoa! Th-that’s… Wow! Just…” he tried to pick his jaw up off of the floor, but he couldn’t. “Woo! Um. Good for you. That’s… great!” he said, trying to be supportive. It’s not like Itto was attracted to Ayato or anything. Definitely not. So who cared if Ayato was dating his housekeeper?!
Was that even allowed?! Pfft. Itto wasn’t jealous. What was there to be jealous of?! Nothing! Nothing at all!
“Are you okay? You look… angry?” Thoma asked more than said.
“I’m fine!” Itto fumed, crossing his arms. “Per-fect-ly fine.”
“Uh… Okay.” Thoma said, standing up.
Itto glanced down, seeing Thoma’s hand.
“W-whoa wait… your hand is blue, dude!”
“Oh, that?” Thoma laughed nervously. “A bug bit me or something while I was helping you off of the floor earlier. I didn’t see it, but… I really hope this goes away soon.”
“Oh, that’s perfect!” Itto said, “Quick, hold my hand!”
“Um, sure, my lord.” Thoma said, reaching out and taking Itto’s hand.
Suddenly, his world began to spin and he screamed, collapsing to the ground.
When he woke up, Itto was standing above him, looking at the hospital bed, his jaw agape.
“Y-you… How could you do this?!” Itto said, whirling around and looking at someone who was on the floor.
Thoma peered down to see… Himself?!
“W-w-w-what’s going on?!” Thoma trembled.
Itto snapped his eyes towards Thoma. “Well. Now that someone has complicated things even further, I’ll summarize. I’m Ayato, that’s Itto, and now you’re in my body, Thoma.”
Thoma’s face scrunched up. “What?”
Itto stood up from the floor, rubbing his behind. “Ouch, dude. That fall hurt.”
“You only have yourself to blame!” Ayato snapped, folding his big, muscular arms. “Now quick, shake hands with him again.”
“Shouldn’t you shake hands with him?” Itto asked.
“What if it only works in the order of body transference? We have to be careful.”
“If you say so.”
“Wait.” Thoma said. “How did you get out of hospital jail?”
“I called in reinforcements.”
Itto chuckled knowingly. “Shinobu?” he asked.
Ayato smirked. “Shinobu.”
“Who?” Thoma asked, growing increasingly confused.
“We’ll explain later. For now, shake his hand.”
Itto walked over, offering his hand to Thoma. “Come on bro, shake.”
Thoma grimaced. “I really don’t like seeing myself in the third person. I need to lay off the hotpots…” He took Itto’s hand.
Nothing happened.
Ayato grew dizzy. “Oh no… don’t tell me…” He quickly grabbed Thoma’s hand. “No… No, no, no.”
“It’s never that easy dude. That was wishful thinking.” Itto commented, earning a glare from Ayato.
“W-wait…” Thoma said, realization hitting him like a truck. “How long have you two been like this?!”
“Since you first found us collapsed on the floor playing with beetles.” Ayato sighed. “Far too long.”
Dread. Panic. Dread. Intense panic. “A-Ayato… I-I messed up…”
Ayato’s entire body froze. “You didn’t…”
Thoma gulped. “I-I didn’t know… Oh, archons!”
“Is this about the daddy thing?” Itto asked, a raised brow.
“Y-you–!” Ayato gasped. “How did that even come up?!” he asked Thoma.
“He– I, uh!” he felt his brain turn to mush. “I have no excuse, my lord.”
“Well. There are far more important things to deal with. Thoma, you stay in bed. Itto, come with me. We’re going to figure out how to get out of this.” he said, tugging Itto by the arm and leaving the hospital.
“So where are we going?” Itto asked.
“To the last person I wanted to see today.” Ayato sighed.
-
“Fox ear lady!” Itto gasped. “I didn’t expect to see you today!”
“Is that really any way to address me, Thoma?” Yae asked, a raised brow. “And why are you here, Itto?”
“I’m not Itto.” Ayato grimaced.
“Oh, dear. You’re delusional, now?”
“Okay, I’ll make this quick. We need your help. I’m Ayato, and this is Itto. Thoma is back at the hospital–”
“Oh. I see what has happened here.” Yae sighed. “I don’t really know if I’m in the mood to help with something like this.”
“You aren’t seriously thinking of letting us stay like this, are you?” Ayato glowered.
“Maybe.” Yae teased. “Besides, what do I get out of this?”
“Anything you want. Just don’t be… yourself… right now.”
“Myself?” she asked, letting out a ‘hmph’. “I won’t help you.”
“Yae!” Ayato groaned. “Fine. What do you want in return?”
“Oh, I’ll think of something. I’ll help. But only because I’m quite fond of your friend here.” she said, taking a step closer to Itto. “And he’s been rather quiet so far. You must have him well trained.”
“T-trained…?” Itto blushed. “N-no, I’m not a dog!”
“Debatable.” Yae smiled, backing away. “Well, you’re not going to trust the answer I’m going to give you. It’s rather silly. Even I think so.”
“I’ll try anything at this point.” Ayato said.
“Very well. Then your solution is simple. You must all shake hands at the same time.”
Silence.
“Please tell me you’re joking.” Ayato said flatly.
“I’m surprised you didn’t already think of it yourself.” Yae sighed. “Oh, well. Sometimes we aren’t as smart as we think we are. How disappointing for you to have to find out this way, Ayato dear.”
Ayato grabbed Itto by the hand, storming off.
“And don’t forget, you agreed to do anything!” Yae called out, laughing.
-
They stormed up the hospital fire escape, Ayato practically tossing Itto into the room.
“Okay, everyone. Time to hold hands!” he said.
“Huh? Is that really the solution?” Thoma asked.
“According to Yae Miko, yes.” Ayato said.
“I’m really surprised you didn’t think of th–”
“Yeah, yeah. Okay, let’s hurry this up.” Ayato said, taking Itto’s hand, approaching Thoma.
“I’m gonna miss your bodies, guys.” Itto said, a sentimental smile. “I mean, they’re nothing compared to mine. But it was nice being the little guy for a change.”
“Honestly,” Thoma said. “I kinda wanna see what it’s like to be Itto for a minute.”
“You have to be kidding me.” Ayato said. “We’re in a light novel situation, and you’re thinking of mixing up our bodies even more?”
“I mean, might as well.” Itto said. “Not every day he gets a chance to be an oni.”
“Yeah.” Thoma shrugged. “You’ve gotta take the opportunities as they come!”
Ayato glared at them both. “No.”
He took both their hands in his. “Now hold each other’s hands!”
Thoma and Itto looked sadly at each other.
“I guess this is it…” Itto said.
“Yeah,” Thoma sighed. “If only we could spend a little more time like this…”
“What is wrong with you both?!” Ayato cried out.
Itto and Thoma reached sadly for the other’s hand, gently holding on to each other. “Goodbye,” they said in unison.
All of the sudden, the room exploded with white, their feet leaving the ground, starting to float. Just as one of them started to speak, they collapsed, the world going black.
The sound of beeping alarms woke Itto up first. He groaned, pushing himself to his feet, looking around. His memory returned to him and he gasped, looking down at his hands.
Big!
Long nails!
He was back, baby!
He looked over at the bed, shaking Ayato awake. “Dude! It worked! Dude!” he called.
Ayato came back to himself, groggily opening his eyes. “Itto?” he asked.
“Ayato?”
“Ugh, yes.” Ayato said, placing his hand against his forehead. “My head is killing me.”
“Well, you did have two other people in your noggin today.”
Itto reached down, shaking Thoma wake who sniffled as his eyes opened, looking around. “Where am I?”
“Back in your body, dude!”
Thoma let out a sigh of relief. “Feels good to be back…”
“Now what?” Itto asked.
“Now, I must leave.” Ayato huffed, flinging his covers off of himself. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to talk to the staff here and see about going home,” he said, standing up and pushing past them.
Thoma watched him leave, his jaw dropping. “M-my lord!”
“Just a moment, Thoma,” Ayato replied, heading down the hallway.
Thoma started to run after him, but Itto held him back, shaking his head. “Been there, done that. He just has to learn for himself.” Itto sighed knowingly.
“You let people see Ayato’s naked butt?!” Thoma gasped.
“Hey… it was my butt at the time!” Itto scoffed. “Plus, you’re letting people see his naked butt right now, too.”
“I… I think I’m just gonna go home.” Thoma said, seemingly exhausted. “This… this was a lot for one day.”
“Yeah. Cheers to that, bro.”
“Wanna head out together?” Thoma asked, their newfound friendship strengthening by the minute.
“Sure, man.” he smiled, the sound of Ayato’s horrified gasp reaching their ears.
“...Maybe we should head down the fire escape.” Thoma whispered, a concerned smile.
“Yes, I think so,” Itto replied, and they both scurried off before Ayato could catch them.