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Blackbeard was having a terrible day.
The sun was too bright, the waves were too calm, and the world was spinning too fucking merrily for life to suck this bad. It should be raining, sails should be burning, prisoners should be screaming. At the very least, Stede fucking Bonnet shouldn’t be standing on the deck of his fucking ship.
Yet there he was, yelling at Izzy in front of the shocked crew like he owned the damn place. Like he had any right to make demands here anymore.
Blackbeard didn’t hesitate for a moment. He stalked across the deck, shoved Izzy aside while ripping the man’s sword from the scabbard at his side. His first mate was smart enough to let him take the weapon without protest and back away, and the rest of his crew didn’t dare get intervene. Nothing could stop Blackbeard from marching right up to the stupid gentleman pirate and pointing the sword to his throat.
Stede straightened, leaning slightly away from the rapier, but he didn’t falter. He didn’t gasp in alarm or fear. He met the pirate’s eyes with more courage than anyone had since Blackbeard became himself again, and it made him impossibly more angry.
It was silent as a shipwreck on the deck. Even Izzy knew kept his words to himself. Everyone waited with bated breath to see who would crack first, who would have the first word.
All Blackbeard could hear was the blood pounding in his own ears. He kept waiting for Stede break the silence, to give in to the pressure and beg for forgiveness or make some sad stupid excuse, but the he said nothing. He just met Blackbeard’s gaze with those sharp, searching eyes.
After a few agonizing seconds, Blackbeard spoke. His voice was leveled, but not in a way that suggested any semblance of calm. “Choose your words wisely, mate. Might be your last.”
Stede didn’t give him an answer. Instead, the so called gentleman pirate let his eyes roam every inch of Blackbeard’s face, following each line and crevice like he was studying a map. Suddenly, the lines of black smeared menacingly over his eyes and slowly growing stubble seemed to burn his face, and he hated how self conscious it made him feel. Blackbeard didn’t feel fucking self conscious- he had nothing to feel self conscious about! He didn’t have anyone to impress, certainly not Stede fucking Bonnet.
He snarled and adjusted the his grip on the sword hilt, tightening his fingers around it. “Well?!”
Was Stede trying to wait him out or something? Trying to keep him on edge, to see if he would break?
Hadn’t he waited long enough?
Stede finished looking him over and met his eyes again with that aching look. A look of sadness, or sympathy. It made Blackbeard’s insides shrivel, he despised the thought of Stede pitying him.
“Spit it out,” Blackbeard barked, “Why the fuck are you here?”
Bonnet finally opened his mouth, but all that came out was a quiet, gentle whisper.
“Oh, Ed.”
It sounded so fucking... sad. He couldn’t stand it.
Blackbeard growled, thrusting forward to press the tip of his sword against Stede’s skin, not enough to break it but certainly enough to be uncomfortable. “No, I am Blackbeard. You don’t get to call me anything else- my name is fucking Blackbeard!”
Stede gave a small nod, barely acknowledging the sword poking into his throat. “Yes,” he said softly, like he was resigned to it. “I can see that now.”
Blackbeard shook his hair out of his eyes, keeping the fierce expression on his face and fighting to keep any ounce of emotion out of his voice. “I don’t think you understand, I’m gonna give you one last chance to explain what the hell you’re doing on my ship before stab through your vocal chords like a kabob.”
Blackbeard saw Stede’s chest rise with a sudden breath, and realized that dispite the stubborn face he put forward, Stede really was scared. Stede was truly scared of him right now. He tried to feel happy about it, but it really didn’t make him feel any better.
Stede cleared his throat, wincing when the sword pressed to his skin slightly. “Well, I suppose I’m here to see to you, Ed- ah- Blackbeard.”
The pirate scoffed, rolling his eyes in disbelief. “Yeah? What exactly makes you think that you are someone I’d like to see?”
Stede finally looked away, breaking the constant stare, but only for a moment. “Well to be honest, I don’t. I figure I’m probably the last person you want to see, as a matter of fact.”
Blackbeard raised a condescending brow. “So you’re just stupid, then.”
Stede’s lip had the audacity to twitch upward. “Yes, I suppose I am.”
Blackbeard blinked, a little thrown off by the response. He’d thought Stede would have taken at least a little offense to that, not just take it in stride. Gritting his teeth, he tried not to let it throw him off. Not to let Stede’s… Stedeness get to him.
“Fine,” he snapped, “What, do you just want to stare at me until I stab you? Until I throw you overboard? Or did you think I was just going to come crawling back to you the second your high and mighty ass showed up!?”
The more he said, the more his voice rose until he was practically shouting. “Did you really think that was going to work??”
Finally, Stede showed some sort of emotion. His lips pursed in frustration, and he recoiled more from being shouted at them he had from the blade. “No, I just want to talk to you!”
Blackbeard seethed, gesturing his free hand for Stede to get on with it. ”Then why the fuck aren’t you talking?!”
Stede’s brows dipped down in exasperation, and he shouted right back. “Because I don’t think you will listen to me right now!!”
They both quieted, staring each other down across a length of steel, interrupted only by the rise and fall of heated breaths behind clenched teeth.
“Sorry mate,” Blackbeard muttered with an uncaring shrug, “But now is the only time you’ve got.” He narrowed his eyes. “You wanted to speak to the bloody Pirate Blackbeard, well here’s your shot. But I’m not gonna lie, the odds aren’t in your favor.”
Instead of the fear this was meant to instill, Stede almost seemed to calm a little at Blackbeard’s words. The rise in his chest shoulders eased, and he regarded the man in front of him openly. “I know,” he admitted, his lips lifting but eyes falling in a sad sort of smile. “I know that they aren’t, but I don’t care. I needed to see you.”
Despite everything, every wall he had forced up around himself to keep the feeling in, emotion finally broke through in his voice as Blackbeard hissed, “Well, some of us don’t get what we need.”
That sentence hurt Stede, he could tell. It was clear as day just from the look of guilt in his eyes, and seeing it made Blackbeard feel good. He wanted Stede to feel it, he wanted to show Stede first hand exactly how much damage he had caused. He wanted Stede to feel his pain.
Stede’s hands raised from his sides, almost like he wanted to reach out. He quickly remembered the blade at his throat, and thought better of it. “I know that I have hurt you.” He said haltingly, clearly aware that it wasn’t enough. “I’d give anything to take it back, really I would, but I can’t. All I can do is try to make amends, and I’ve never been very good at that. This is the only way I know how.”
Blackbeard growled out a retort before he even had a chance to finish fully. “You think I want your lame excuses? That’s what you came here to say, that you wish it hadn’t happened?! God, I shouldn’t have even let you speak- if I knew you were that stupid I would have thrown you overboard the second I saw you!”
A hoarse voice that was definitely not Stede’s drawled behind him, and Blackbeard was suddenly and jarringly reminded that they weren’t alone.
“Shall I have him tied to the anchor, sir- ?“
In a blink, Blackbeard whipped around and had the first mate pined to the mast, the blade of his own sword tight against his throat.
Far tighter than it had ever touched Stede’s.
Blackbeard’s face was serious, his eyes sharp and his voice deceivingly quiet and calm. “I swear to god Izzy, one more word and I’ll cut out your tongue and sew it where your toe used to be, do you understand?”
The was a moment of wide-eyed silence, then Izzy Hands nodded fervently.
Blackbeard released him, and turned back to Stede. The gentleman pirate was standing in the same spot, rubbing nervously at his throat but waiting politely to be held at knifepoint again.
Blackbeard sighed, holding his sword up half-heartedly at Stede’s abdomen rather than up to his throat. He could feel his initial anger trailing away, leaving him feeling… empty. Exhausted. He nodded at Stede. “Do you have anything else stupid to say?”
Stede opened his mouth to say yes, then frowned and seemingly thought better of it. “I- well I certainly wouldn’t call it stupid.”
“Really? Cause all I’m hearing is a bunch of bullshit.”
Stede’s mouth pinched in that frustrated line again, and Blackbeard hated his eyes for being drawn to it. “Damnit Ed, I am trying to fix this.”
“Fix this!?” Blackbeard laughed a loud humorless bark, an broken sound that was dark and cold, and he felt a little of that anger claw it’s way back. “What’s there to fix?”
Out of everything he said, that seemed to hit Stede the hardest. His eyes widened., and he tried to take a step forward, stopped only when the pirate’s eyes flashed a warning “What- everything Edward- I mean Blackbeard! I ruined everything!”
Finally. There it was. Out in the open. Blackbeard really thought it would be more satisfying to hear Stede admit it, but it just felt so… lonely.
“Yes.” He spat. “Yes, you did! What, you think you deserve my forgiveness now?!”
“No!” Stede snapped, matching his pitch and tone. “But I’m a selfish pathetic bastard of a pirate and I want it anyway!”
Again, Blackbeard found himself taken aback. This time, he had no response for that. No insult leapt off his tongue.
Stede took the chance to continue on. “I know what I did to you was wrong, and I know you don’t want to see me anymore, and I know that I’ve probably ruined everything beyond repair but damnit I am still going to try!”
Then, throwing all ideals of sanity to the wind, Stede grabbed the blade of Blackbeard’s sword and started walking towards him, ignoring the sharp steel that sliced into his fingers and the meat of his palm like he was simply grabbing hold of a rope. Blackbeard fell a step back in shock, careful to hold the sword still so it wouldn’t slice Stede’s thumb off.
Stede’s face twinged in obvious pain, but he continued his march towards Blackbeard without missing a step. “I am a pathetic little rich boy who bought a boat and sailed out into the middle of the ocean with an auxiliary wardrobe and a full library- I’m not exactly someone who make great decisions but god knows I give it my all!”
Blackbeard stared, backing up step by step as Stede kept a tight grip on the sword, hitting his mark with each word of his little speech.
“I heard tale of the fierce and mighty Blackbeard before I met you -I already knew what you were capable of.” Stede said, his brow fierce with determination. “But you never heard about me, not of the destruction I can cause. I took a son from my father and a husband from my wife. I robbed my children of a parent. I leave a trail a mistakes in my wake, and I didn’t want your downfall to be one of them!”
Something switched, and Stede halted his approach, his words catching in his throat.
Blackbeard’s eyes narrowed “Wait wait, my downfall!?”
Stede’s face fell. clearly that was something he hadn’t meant to say. “No, I-“
“My downfall??” He repeated, not sure if he was more offended or confused. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”
Stede squeezed his eyes shut, obviously trying to keep out tears. His voice pitched upward, something Blackbeard recognized from the other few times he’d seen Stede truly start to panic. “You were giving up everything for me Edward! You were going to give up Blackbeard, piracy and adventure, all for me! You cut your damn beard off for Christ’s sake! I was taking everything from you, and it terrified me!”
Blackbeard stared, too bewildered by what he was hearing to even begin to feel angry about it. “What?!? What the fuck are you on about, Bonnet?”
Stede lost the battle he’d been fighting to keep his tears at bay. They flowed freely down his cheeks as he looked and Blackbeard. Seeing him cry wasn’t nearly as satisfying as the pirate had told himself it would be.
“You are the best pirate there’s ever been.” Stede said miserably. “How could I be the one to take that away from you!”
It was too much, he couldn’t process this and keep up the performance anymore, and Blackbeard’s words came more truthfully than he would have liked. “You didn’t take any of that away from me, Stede! You couldn’t have, because that was my choice! Did you ever stop to think about what I wanted?!”
Blackbeard cursed as he felt tracks run through the black designs over his eyes, and he told himself it was sweat. He grit his teeth against the build of emotion, all the things besides anger that he wasn’t allowing himself to feel.
“The only thing you could take from me was you, Stede!!”
His voice fell so quiet that he was sure only Stede could hear it, only Stede was allowed to hear how broken it sounded. “And that was the only thing I couldn’t bare to lose.”
Stede nodded abjectedly. “I know. And I wish I could tell you how sorry I am, but it would never be enough.”
“No.” Blackbeard agreed bitterly. “It wouldn’t.”
He let his shoulders sag, deflating so much that it seemed like Stede was holding up the sword by the blade more than Blackbeard pointing it at him. He closed his eyes, and waited for Stede to turn away.
“But that doesn’t mean it has to be over.”
Blackbeard’s expression soured. “What?”
When he looked back up, Stede was just staring at him, like he was waiting for some kind of cue for their next move.
“Why the fuck wouldn’t it be over?” He snapped.
“Because you haven’t stabbed me yet.”
Blackbeard’s breath left his body in a whoosh. He knew Stede could tell his hands were shaking because he still held the other end of the sword in his palm.
Something akin to resolve hardened in Stede’s eyes, and he squeezed his hand tightly over the sword blade and pushed forward, forcing Blackbeard to either stab him or retreat a step.
The pirate stepped back.
“And until you do, it isn’t over,” Stede said, “Not for me. Not ever.”
Blackbeard swallowed, hating that it suddenly felt like Stede had the high ground in this situation. “M-maybe I’m just waiting!” He quipped back, trying to keep his own certitude intact. “So I can hurt you more later.”
Stede nodded without hesitation. He drove them both another step. “I’d accept it willingly.”
“This isn’t a game Stede,” Blackbeard muttered darkly. “I will kill you.”
Stede’s eyes were shining with light. Light that the kraken had feared and longed for its whole life. Light that he wanted back in his life so badly.
Stede smiled. “Then I will die loving you.”
The word hit him like a knife to the heart, and he was sent another step back. Stede never stoped, never even spared a glance to his now heavily bleeding hand.
Blackbeard shook his head. “No. No, you're not allowed to say that to me.”
The gentleman pirate drove him back another step. “And yet it’s the truth.”
“Bullshit!” He snarled.
Stede didn’t even flinch. “It’s true.”
Blackbeard bared his teeth in a hiss of anger and helplessness, corned and wanting, no, needing Stede to hate him. He needed something to boil the anger inside him again, something to keep Stede from getting too close. His exoskeleton was thin, and inside he was oh so weak. He couldn’t let it out again, not when it could be so easily hurt.
“I threw all your precious things overboard.” He said with a sick grin.
Stede simply shook his head. “I don’t care.”
“I left your crew to die, marooned on an island.”
Stede’s jaw clenched, obviously containing strong feelings but keeping them at bay. “Yes. But I got there in time.”
As a last resort, Blackbeard lashed out with the worst of it. The part that still ate at his conscience like a starved rat.
“I threw Lucious overboard. How about that, do you care about that?”
Stede’s eyes brimmed with hurt. He stiffened, and pushed right through. “I do. Of course I do. I really wish you hadn’t done that, but it won’t stop me.”
Blackbeard’s back hit the mast, stopping him short. He had nowhere left to go, nothing left to say, nowhere to look but to Stede. Nothing else existed but Stede.
“Why?” He whispered helplessly.
Stede’s eyes became unbearably soft. “Because that’s what it means to be in love.”
“Prove it.”
Stede searched his eyes for a long moment. He seemed to be looking for something, and after a moment, something he found brought a look of peace to his face.
Then he took in a tiny preparatory breath, and walked right onto the end of Blackbeard’s sword.
The pirate jerked in surprise, but his elbow hit the mast behind him and he had nowhere to pull the sword out of the way. Stede looked him in the eyes, and held the blade steady as he guided it right through his abdomen.
The entire ship took in a breath of surprise as Stede ran himself through, coming to a stop barely half a foot from Blackbeard. His hand slipped off the sword and braced against the mast of the ship to prop himself up, landing right under Blackbeard’s arm. Blood dripped down the mast from the gashes in his fingers.
Then reality set in, and time seemed to start again.
Blackbeard’s eyes flew wide and his voice broke. “No- No, that’s the wrong side!” His gaze flashed between Stede’s eyes and the quickly darkening stain of red on his shirt where the sword disappeared into him. “Wrong side wrong side! That’s the side with the important bits!”
Stede nodded, his jaw clenched in pain. “I know,” he gasped, flashing a small, sad smile. He lifted a shaky hand and placed it on Blackbeard’s chest, directly over his heart. “But I hurt you somewhere just as important, didn’t I?”
Blackbeard stared at him, completely lost for what to do, how to react. This wasn’t what he wanted, nothing that was happening was what he wanted!
“An eye for an eye, eh?” Stede managed with a painful laugh. He spared a glance towards some of the crew for backup with an uncertain look. “Pirates say that, right?”
There got a few shocked nods. A voice from the back called out, “That’s how my buddy Josh lost his eye!”
“See?” Stede offered, looking hopefully back at Blackbeard. His face dropped a little, looking almost confused, and his fingers curled on the pirate’s jacket for support “Oh-oh my. That’s new, that… really smarts doesn’t it?” He winced. “Heh, maybe if I jus-“
With that, Stede’s his knees gave out and he dropped.
“Nonono-!“ Blackbeard gasped when he felt the blade of his sword tug downward, slicing further up through Stede’s abdomen as he fell. He instantly dropped with him, moving the blade in line with Stede’s body he fell, ignoring the hard pain in his knee when he landed on it. He grabbing Stede by the shoulder with his free hand, guiding the gentleman pirate to his knees so he wouldn’t jostle the blade inside him too much.
Stedes eyes never left his as they kneeled together, even when they blurred with pain and he let out a small yelp. He coughed and put his other hand to Blackbeard’s chest, smearing blood over the leather.
Blackbeard’s squeezed Stede’s shoulder, resisting the urge to shake him. “God damnit Stede, what the fuck- why did you-!? Why’d you have to go and-“
He cursed as tears fell freely, running dark lines of black over his cheeks. He felt so infuriatingly small when he whispered, “Why’d you leave me?”
Stede looked at him with such warmth and kindness, it was hard to believe this person was the same one that caused him so much pain.
“Because I’m a fool. I truly thought you’d be better off without the likes of me.”
Blackbeard couldn’t decide if that made him more angry if less so. “Thats- UGH that’s so fucking stupid Stede!”
“Is it?” He asked with a small laugh. “I really do bugger up everything I touch. My family was certainly far better off without me, and just look at how much pain I caused you.”
He looked away, not finding the anger to lash out but certainly not happy about his weakness being pointed out. “Then why’d you come back?”
“I was able to fix my mistakes before, even though I made a lot of people angry. I figured, even if I couldn’t fix it with you, it was worth a shot. Certainly worth my life.”
Blackbeard shook his head in disbelief, in anger, in… damnit, in something. “Fuck you Stede.”
Stede chuckled softly, but it quickly turned to a cough. Then his breath hitched, and he curled around the hilt of Blackbeard’s sword with soft sound of pain.
“Wait-“ He whispered with a sob, watching Stede’s eyes loose focus slightly. “No, please!”
Stede’s hand found his cheek so softly, and caressed it like he was the most precious of cashmere. “Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered, “Don’t cry. You’re perfect.”
Then his hand slipped from his cheek and fell to the deck with a thud, and he slumped against his the pirate’s chest.
There was a beat of stunned silence before Edward Teach yelled out to his crew.
“SOMEBODY GET ME SOME BANDAGES!”
Izzy really must not be fond of keeping all his toes, because he leaned over with a tone of malice and warning in his words. “Captain-“
Edward’s arms made a protective circle around Stede’s shoulders’s, and he whipped his head to stare at Izzy with eyes like burning like coals. “Get me some MOTHER FUCKING BANDAGES!”
***
It was too quiet, sitting here in the captain’s quarters with Stede in his bed, bandaged and bleeding just like the first time they’d met. Edward sat as his side, same spot as before, watching him carefully for signs of consciousness, signs of distress. He wanted to reach out and take his hand again, but it was bandaged tightly where he’d sliced it on Ed’s blade.
His arms stayed crossed over his chest.
It had been a little easier to get the sword out of Stede, since he’d been unconscious. The hard part was stopping the bleeding, and there had been a few seconds where they’d been afraid they were going to lose him. Edward had been sure Stede was about to slip right through his fingers again, this time to a place he could never return from. But the gentleman pirate was steady now, resting snugly in the covers and breathing easily. He wasn’t tossing and muttering like the first time he’d been stabbed, so maybe he really was getting used to it.
Edward observed him tiredly, giving himself permission to simply take in Stede’s face. He studied the soft lines of it, the crows feet at his eyes and smile lines in his checks. Ed allowed himself the admission that he’d missed it. He’d missed Stede tremendously.
He had no idea how long he sat there, watching the other man breathe, but his heart jumped in his chest when those pretty blue eyes blinked open.
“Ed?”
Edward waited silently for Stede to get his barrings, sitting with his arms crossed at his side while Stede’s eyes searched for him. Stede’s finally found Ed’s face and frowned, whether at his hard expression or streaks of black down his cheeks, Edward didn’t know.
“Oh,” he whispered, correcting himself, “Blackbeard.”
Edward said nothing, not entirely sure what he wanted Stede to call him right now. He wasn’t sure of anything at the moment really, just that he was angry and sad, and really tired of being both. He didn’t move, keeping his arms crossed tightly over his chest.
“That, was really stupid.”
Stede hummed in acknowledgment and let his eyes fall closed. “Yes, I believe we established that.”
“Like really, really, really stupid.”
Stede’s lips pursed. “I know.”
Edward tsked and looked away, thudding his boots up on the bed frame. “So, you thought could just… stab yourself and make everything better?”
Stede peeked an eye open at him, frowning. “Well no, but I do think it was a rather grand show of dedication, if I say so myself.”
Edward stiffened defensively. “I don’t want a grand show of dedication.”
Stede nodded, nothing if not patient. “So what do you want?”
Edward growled and uncrossed his arms, shoving his hands up through his hair. “I don’t know!”
He sat with his head in his hands for a long moment, waiting for Stede to do something, to say something and pad the silence. Finally, the gentleman pirate just shrugged. “Yes, well… I suppose that’s fair.”
Part of Edward wanted to respond with anger, to lash back out with something sharp, but he just didn’t have it in him. He sighed and slumped back in his chair, letting the silence trickle back between them. He missed when their silences used to feel comforting, when it didn’t always feel like he was walking on cracking ice.
“What did you expect?“ He asked after a long pause, the question genuine and lacking the edge of accusation most of his words to Stede had so far. “When you came back. What do you… expect from me?”
Stede took a deep breath, settling back against the pillow as he really thought the question over. He took his time honing in on an answer.
“Honestly? I didn’t know what to expect. Part of me thought you’d just tell Izzy to shoot me on sight, and part of me dreamed of a cheerful reunion. It didn’t matter, I just knew nothing could stop me.”
Edward finally let their eyes meet. “How?”
Stede could have reached out and held Ed’s heart in his hands with a smile like that. “Because I was in love. Am in love. Abundantly so, in fact.”
Edward tore his eyes away at that. How could Stede say that after everything?
“You can’t say that.”
“Why?”
Edward just shook his head. He wasn’t prepared to answer that yet, he wasn’t prepared to even acknowledge it.
Stede didn’t let the silence go on too long. “What now?”
Edward raised a tired brow. “What do you mean?”
Stede just shrugged. “You haven’t killed me, and seeing as I’m all wrapped up in bed I assume you don’t intend too.”
A little spark of anger flared back in Edwards chest. “Was that your plan?! To get stabbed?!”
Stede looked away, abashed. “Well no, not exactly! That certainly wasn’t the goal, but I didn’t want to rule it out! You did seem awfully upset.”
Edward sighed heavily, dropping his face back into his hands. “I am awfully upset.”
When Stede looked away shamefully, Edward sighed. “What do you think we should do?”
Like the optimist he truly was, Stede brightened immediately. “Oh! Well, if you’re asking, what I’d really like is to wash your face.”
Edward blinked owlishly at him. “…What?”
Stede’s smile was as soft as the pillow his fluffy blond head lay on. “I’ll help you put it back on after, if you like. Don’t get me wrong, the look is menacing, it really is! It’s just, right now it’s running into your eyes, and that can’t be comfortable.”
Ed just stared at him, barely comprehending Stede’s explanation. “You wanna… wash my face?”
Stede nodded hopefully. “Yes, if you’ll allow it.”
Silently, Edward stood and turned away, crossing to the wash station in the back of the the room. He grabbed a face cloth and ladled a little water into a bowl, carrying them back to Stede’s bedside awkwardly.
“Um...” He shuffled his feet by the bed, unsure what to do next.
Stede smiled at him beautifully. “Might you help me sit up?”
“Oh, uh, yeah.” Edward nodded and set the bowl on the floor, reaching forward to help Stede sit up against the pillow. The blond grunted with pain as Ed shifted him forward, and he doubled his efforts to move him more carefully, muttering, “Easy mate, easy.”
Stede nodded that he was okay, reaching for the bowl and cloth.
Edward saw his bandaged hand and frowned. “Are you sure you should-“
Stede waved him off flippantly. “Yes yes, I’m perfectly fine, just sit.”
Obediently, Edward sat and leaned forward to move his face closer, resting his forearms on his knees. All he could think of was how near Stede was to him, and the slight scent of lavender he could smell coming from his blonde curls.
It reminded him so much of before. For just a moment, he wanted to pretend it was all okay again. He wanted to let all the anger fall away, and just exist here with Stede.
Stede hummed quietly, dipping the wash rag in the water and ringing it out. He raised the cloth to Edwards face, raising a brow for permission. Edward simply closed his eyes in consent.
Stede took his time with each swipe of the cloth, taking away black layers along with sweat and tears. Edward just consintrated on breathing, trying not to let his chest hitch when one of Stede’s fingers brushed his cheek. Stede washed his face carefully, attentively, and (though his heart barely dared think it) undeniably lovingly.
“There you are.”
Ed opened his eyes to find Stede just a few inches away, stroking his face with his fingertips.
“It’s so nice to see your face, Ed.” He whispered, so softly it barely breached the small space between them.
Edward couldn’t think, couldn’t pull his eyes away from Stede’s shining face. Slowly, he started to lean forward.
Stede’s eyes came to life with hope, and just as he tried to lean forward too he gasped and pressed a hand to his abdomen, dropping the bowl of water. “Oh!”
Ed was standing in a second, steadying Stede by the shoulders to gently easing him back against the pillows.
“Stay down,” he grumbled, whisking away the bowl and cloth and taking them back to the counter across the room.
The space between them felt twice as far as it really was, after they’d been so close. Edward
put his hands on the counter, leaning his weight on it and staring between his hands so he didn’t have to look back at Stede.
Stede didn’t stay quiet for long, calling out to him after only a few seconds. “Ahem, um, Blackbeard?”
Edward frowned, deciding that no, he didn’t like it when Stede called him that. He didn’t correct him on it though, not yet. “Yeah?”
“Can you be honest with me?”
He almost bit back with something accusatory, but he wanted to hear the question before he started throwing more harsh words around. He just grunted. “Hm.”
For the first time, Stede’s confidence seemed to falter. “Am I… too late?”
Edward didn’t need to clarify, he knew what Stede was referring to. He sighed heavily and let his head fall between his arms. “I donno man. I really don’t.”
He heard a grunt from behind him, and realized that Stede was trying to stand up. He raced back to his side and put a firm hand on his chest, keeping him from moving. “Damnit Stede, I told you to stay down.”
Stede’s hands wrapped around his, one soft and warm, the other scratchy with bandages, both pressing Ed’s palm to his heart. “Alright, I will, just… listen to me? Please?”
Ed scowled, but nodded for him to speak. “Alright, fine.”
Apparently, Stede took courage in the promise that he would at least be listened too, and he clutched Ed’s hand like Blackbeard was a man rather than a monster.
“I don’t wish to take anything else from you my dear- god knows I’ve taken enough. You don’t have to forgive me, I won’t ask you for that. If Blackbeard wishes to sail the seas without me, then by god let him.”
Stede paused to glance down at Ed’s hand on his chest, tracing the veins with his fingertips reverently. His eyes shimmered and Edward was sure he wouldn’t be able to keep it together if Stede cried again.
“But…” he continued, voice quivering only a little, “If Ed still has room in his heart for an old fool like me?” His shining eyes flicked up to Edwards, and he gave him a brilliant but watery smile. “I’ll wait for him as long as I have breath in my body.”
Edward’s voice stuck in his throat, stopping him from answering less he let out a sob. His fingers clutched the blankets over Stede’s chest.
“So… if you’re willing, would you like to try? To… make each other happy again?”
With a gentle sob, Ed gave him a jerky nod.
Stede’s eyes brightened with the glimmer of hope. “Okay?”
“Okay,” Ed whispered back. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was agreeing to, but at least he could agree to… something. He could agree to try. The anger wasn’t gone, the pain hadn’t disappeared, it was all still stacked up inside of him. And it was going to take a lot more than this to fix it. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t try.
Edward wiped his eyes roughly and leaned over Stede, meeting his gaze piercingly. “Can I have both?”
He didn’t miss the way Stede’s breathing picked up under his hand. “Both of what?”
“Can I have…” he glanced away, brows furrowing, “you… and still be angry?”
Stede nodded, gripping Edwards hand and answering like it was a solemn oath . “Yes. Of course you can.”
Edward nodded removing his hand from Stede’s chest and straightening, dusting off his shirt. “Right then. Stede Bonnet, you have severely pissed me the fuck off.”
Before Stede could even finish his guilty nod, Edward swung a leg over him, sat on his thighs, hooked a hand around the back of his neck, and kissed him firmly on the mouth.
Stede inhaled sharply at the sudden press of his lips. At first, Edward thought it might be out of pain and worried he’d been too abrupt, but Stede’s hands quickly found the collar his jacket and refused to let go.
Edward kissed him like he’d wished to on the beach. He ran a hand through his hair, pressed their mouths together firmly, not letting an inch of doubt ruin this moment. To his surprise, Stede’s reaction was almost desperate, pulling him ever closer and lips searching clumsily for purchase against his.
After a moment he drew away with a gasp, and Stede followed him with a whine. Ed realized he was crying softly, and quieted him with a gentle hand to his cheek. “Woah woah, easy mate, you alright.”
Stede shook his head wordlessly hands weakly trying to pull Ed back. All of Stede’s previous confidence was gone, leaving him fumbling.
“No- come back-“ Stede mumbled, trying to sit up after him.
Ed pressed him back down worriedly, shaking his head. “Hey hey, shhh it’s alright mate, it’s alright. I’m right here, yeah? We’ve got all the time in the world alright, just take it easy man. Don’t want to rip those nice stitches I did for you, huh?”
Stede shook his head tearfully.
Ed leaned sideways awkwardly, trying his best to share the limited space with Stede so he was at his side rather than sitting atop his thighs. “What’s wrong?”
Stede hiccuped and tried to push back his tears. “I- I was so scared. That you were never going to speak to me again.”
Edward nodded, hating how quickly Stede’s tears could put him on the edge of crying himself. “I know.”
“And- and I never meant to hurt you so badly Edward-“ he sobbed, “And when I realized that I was in love with you- I never thought- I assumed you would never-“
Stede was working himself up past the point of coherency, and Ed just held him close, petting his hair. “I know, I know mate.”
Stede sobbed against him, clinging to every part of him he could reach. “I missed you. I missed you so damned much.”
Ed nodded, letting the walls around his heart fall down to let Stede back in, tucking his soft eyes and gentle voice and ridiculous idiosyncrasies right back where they belonged.
***
After a full hour, despite the many threats Izzy made to his life, Frenchie finally had the balls to knock on the door and carefully peek into the captions quarters, which had been silent for a long time now. When he saw the forms of his Co Captains curled up in each other, tears long dried from their faces and breathes matched as they slept, he smiled to himself and softly closed the door. He crept away silently to inform the rest of the crew that everything was going to be alright.