Work Text:
Yuuta was going to find him.
Failure was not an option. He was going to bring Toge home.
It was clear that the higher up’s believed that he was going to do that in a body bag – at best – but Yuuta refused to be talked out of it. The higher up’s might have tried to convince him that his power was needed elsewhere, but Yuuta politely told them that if they stood in his way he’d make Rika look merciful and funnily enough they had backed down.
The pity in some of their eyes made it obvious they thought he was going on a fool’s errand.
Yuuta was going to bring Toge home.
Arriving at Shibuya was like walking onto a film set. Some overenthusiastic director who liked explosions and set off too many in the name of ‘making it look good’ and ending up with nothing but ash for their efforts. There was nothing even resembling buildings left. It made the hairs on the back of Yuuta’s neck stand up to think of the force needed for such destruction.
Not that it mattered much now. The place was a ghost town. Other than easy to extinguish curses there wasn’t a soul to be seen for miles. The world knew the Shibuya Incident as a terrorist attack, but only those in the know knew that no work could be done on the site until the sorcerers deemed it safe.
Yuuta could have been part of that team. He could have torn through this place like a bat out of hell exorcising curses left right and centre without breaking a sweat now, but there were plenty of other capable sorcerers who were already doing that.
No one else was looking for Toge.
Toge who had pretty much single-handedly led the civilian evacuation, using a technique that for so long people only considered a weapon, was just being left to rot.
That was unacceptable.
Yuuta was going to find him. Yuuta was going to bring him home.
“I’m coming, Toge.” Yuuta promised as he scanned the area around him. “I’m not leaving without you.”
***
It had been hours. Countless curses had met their end on Yuuta’s blade. Yuuta had called Rika out a few times to help moving rubble when he thought he saw something underneath.
So far they had only found bits of bodies.
It was more than could be said for the epicentre; apparently all that had been found there were imprints of where a human had been.
None of the parts had been Toge’s. Yuuta would recognise all of him. He had no idea what he would do if he did eventually recognise a piece.
“Yuuta…” Rika had been hovering while he placed one of the markers he had been given with the latest part they had unearthed, knowing that it would be brought in by one of theirs for identifying, but suddenly she seemed to be straining for something.
His katana was out with his next breath.
“What is it?” His eyes rushed around for whatever had pricked Rika’s awareness.
“Heartbeat.” Rika pointed to a mound of stone that looked high even from half a mile away, but her word fuelled Yuuta with energy despite his building exhaustion.
A survivor.
“Please.” He whispered his prayer before he broke into a run in the direction Rika had pointed. He was glad he kept his katana out: several low grade and very low intelligence curses had tried to get in his way and were gone between one breath and the next.
Nothing could stop him. He would have struck down the gods themselves to get to Toge.
Yuuta skidded to a stop near what felt like a damn mountain of rubble and looked at Rika desperately, needing her keen senses to feel for what he couldn’t.
“Is it still there?” He asked desperately.
“Heartbeat.” Rika nodded frantically.
That was all Yuuta needed.
“Where?” He could tell from just a glance that moving anything without thought would probably end with a disastrous rockslide, and he wasn’t about to risk hurting whoever was in there more than they already must have been.
Please, please be Toge. Please be him.
Yuuta prayed more that day than he could ever remember doing. Rika’s death had been violent – so horrifyingly violent – but it had been almost instant. By the time Yuuta had even realised what had happened the girl he loved was gone and something new wore her name in his shadow; it had been too late for prayer.
But Toge.
Toge.
It had been almost two days, but Rika could hear a heartbeat. Someone had survived under there alone and probably terrified. Someone was still alive in there.
Please be Toge. PLEASE let him live.
Rika pointed somewhere near the lower middle of the pile and Yuuta quickly assessed it.
“Take everything off the top. All of it, Rika. Then we dig.” Yuuta pushed his hair out of his face and looked up at Rika. “We’re going to get them out. Alive.” He added firmly.
“Help.” Rika nodded before her size inflated and she deftly removed what must have been tons of rubble. As soon as she was done Yuuta was climbing the side to get ready to help her dig, but Rika swiftly picked him up by the back of his shirt and put him down next to her.
“Thanks.” He gave her a quick smile before getting to work carefully pulling rocks away and tossing them away.
“Hello?” Yuuta called down as his hands kept digging. “Toge?” He shouted desperately.
No sound came from within and Yuuta shot a terrified look at Rika. He didn’t even have to open his mouth before she pointed down to where they had made a small but secure hole.
“Heartbeat.” She repeated adamantly.
That was all Yuuta needed to tear his hands to bloody shreds removing rocks.
After a particularly big rock had been moved something finally came into view: a tuft of hair so familiar that tears sprung to Yuuta’s eyes at the sight of it.
“Toge!” Yuuta’s throat strained with how hard he screamed, but the only sound that came back was his own echo. Rika – who had eventually grown to understand that Toge also loved Yuuta and therefore deserved her protection too – dug faster at Yuuta’s scream.
“Toge!” She repeated frantically, mirroring Yuuta’s distress.
As soon as the hole was big enough Yuuta slid himself in. He didn’t care if the damn place collapsed on him; Toge was within arms reach and Yuuta needed to be there. Rika would have them out in a heartbeat if there was a cave in.
“Toge, baby, can you hear me?” The smell of blood was so thick around them. Yuuta finally – finally – got his hands into Toge’s hair and felt for any head wounds.
Thankfully nothing.
There was sweat and blood, but no wounds.
Rika was still working above them and Yuuta managed to pull Toge out a short distance, near where he had managed to get in.
“Baby?” He got his hands on Toge’s face and flinched at the coldness. Toge always struggled to get warm, but this was a whole other level. He felt like the disembodied parts that Yuuta had marked for the retrieval team.
“Hey, sweetheart, it’s me. It’s Yuuta. I’m here, I’m home.” Yuuta was rambling as he pressed his fingers to Toge’s neck. His hand was shaking, not from the pain of being worn to the bone but from the terror that he might lose Toge right as he found him, but Toge’s pulse throbbed weakly under his touch.
It was weak, scarily weak, but it was there.
“Come on, angel, open those eyes.” Yuuta pleaded, cupping a bloody hand against Toge’s filthy face. Pale skin was almost impossible to see under all the blood and grime, but Yuuta would recognise Toge’s face against the callouses of his palm for the rest of his days.
The further Rika unearthed them the more light Yuuta had to see, so he tried to force his emotions down and focus his attention on first aid. He couldn’t feel any damage to Toge’s neck and made his way down his boyfriend’s torso where he found several probably broken ribs. He looked down Toge’s body and once he was sure the boy wasn’t stuck under anything he dragged him to where Rika had made the hole considerably bigger.
“Rika!” Yuuta shouted, and immediately her huge face appeared at the hole.
“Yuuta! Toge?” She seemed to bounce from side to side trying to see past him.
“It’s Toge. Fuck, Rika, it’s Toge.” Relief hit Yuuta so hard he thought he was going to be sick, but he had work to do first. “It’s Toge, Rika, you found him. And now I need you to pull him out.” Yuuta moved aside and pointed back to Toge’s lifeless form. Rika nodded and Yuuta watched with his heart in his throat and Rika brought Toge out of the rubble and into the rapidly fading daylight.
Yuuta clambered out quickly and rushed to where Rika had taken Toge. She had the sense to take him to the ground and Yuuta skid down on a broken piece of sign until he reached the bottom and broke into a run.
He dropped hard to his knees next to Toge and took in the damage.
“Oh…oh fuck.” Yuuta’s heart dropped several miles past his feet.
Toge was saturated in blood. His own blood.
Blood from the mess where his left forearm had been.
Had been.
Had been.
If Yuuta had eaten in the last few days he would have been sick, but his body had nothing left to give but bone deep grief. He pushed as much of his reversed curse energy into the stump to tide Toge over until he could see a proper medic, and once again Yuuta found himself praying.
“Toge, baby, please wake up.” Yuuta checked his pulse again fresh tears ran rivers down his cheeks as he felt the weak flutter. Toge’s heart was working so hard.
Yuuta used to tell Toge that he had his heart. That he didn’t mind going overseas because he knew Toge would protect his heart. What Yuuta wouldn’t have given to be able to give his heart to Toge right then; let the boy’s exhausted heart rest and use his own to bring Toge back.
“Yuuta!” Rika’s exclamation had Yuuta’s eyes snapping up to Toge’s face. His eyelids moved meekly, just enough for Yuuta to get a brief flash of purple. Toge gazed at him emptily before a tiny smile pulled at his cracked lips. Yuuta watched wide eyed as Toge opened his mouth to say something, only for blood – thick and dark – to burst forth and run down Toge’s cheeks and chin. Yuuta turned him quickly to stop him from choking and watched as Toge’s blood stained the ground.
“Baby, I’m right here. I’m taking you home. We’re going home, okay?” Yuuta knew he was sobbing. There was nothing to be done about it. Against all odds they had found Toge alive. Yuuta hadn’t lost the love of his life.
There was a weak rasping noise coming from below and Yuuta immediately ducked his head down to listen. All Toge could manage was agonising sounding wheezes, so Yuuta moved around to see his face. Toge seemed to be trying to reach for him but his body definitely wasn’t cooperating, but Yuuta hardly noticed.
His eyes were glued to Toge’s lips.
Moving.
Mouthing his name. Over and over again.
Yuuta, Yuuta, Yuuta, Yuuta, Yuuta, Yuuta.
It shattered his heart.
“It’s alright, sweetheart. Just rest. I’m right here; I’ve got you.” Yuuta wiped the wet blood from Toge’s face and pressed his forehead to his boyfriend’s.
He had just enough time to watch a glimmer of recognition light Toge’s beautiful eyes before they rolled up into his head.
“Toge!” Yuuta swore that his heart stopped at the sight of the whites of Toge’s eyes. He sat bolt upright and his panicked gaze immediately shot to Rika.
“Yuuta! Home.” Rika was gesturing wildly to his torso and it took Yuuta’s dazed mind a few seconds to realise what she meant. He quickly felt in his pockets until he found the cursed object Ieiri had given him. It was something Gojou had once created on a whim for emergency situations, but nothing had ever been deemed urgent enough.
When Ieiri had heard what Yuuta was going to do she had given it to him without hesitation.
“If you find him…if you find him and he’s still alive, use this. Make sure you’re holding him and crush this in your hand. It will bring you straight back here. Try not to vomit over him when you arrive.”
Yuuta gazed at the little plastic first aid box – Gojou had a sense of humour even when making life saving devices, apparently – before putting all of his faith into Gojou’s invention and crushing it in one hand as he held Toge painfully tightly to his chest.
The universe tilted around him.
The ground disappeared.
A different ground reappeared.
He hit it hard on his knees, but kept cradling Toge so tenderly. He would take all of this pain so Toge didn’t have to deal with any more.
Ieiri had been working around the clock at the hospital long before the dust had even started to settle at Shibuya, but as soon as she heard Yuuta crash into existence in the middle of her set up all her focus was on them.
Her eyes widened at the sight of Toge, but Yuuta could see her relief from across the room. He had a feeling Ieiri had performed a lot of funeral rites and had been dreading the thought of having to do this one.
“We’re home. Toge, we’re home.” Yuuta’s voice broke and he bent double over his boyfriend as the sobs took hold.
Somehow it felt so much more real now that they were out of the wasteland and back in reality. Shibuya was a liminal space now; a part of the modern world abolished by the force of an ancient curse, not quite here and not quite there.
Back home everything Yuuta had done suddenly became real.
He had laid out countless corpses. He had searched so many ruins. He had pulled his boyfriend’s shattered body from the dirt and brought him home.
He clung so hard to Toge that if he had been awake the boy surely would have complained, and the silence at his touch only made Yuuta weep harder. He held Toge to his chest, willed his heart to give Toge’s strength, and rocked them back and forth like Toge would do when Yuuta was struggling to sleep.
“We’re home, baby, we’re home.” Yuuta couldn’t stop saying it. He had to keep saying it to believe it. All of his senses were feeding him information that confirmed that they were indeed back at the school medical set up: he could smell the blood and antiseptic, could feel so many people’s cursed energy buzzing against his skin, could hear the groans and weeping and dripping of IV’s, could see the familiar tiled floor beneath him, could practically taste the fear in the room, but his mind just couldn’t seem to accept it.
The problem came when Ieiri came to take Toge.
Yuuta clammed up. His mind couldn’t settle. His senses were overloaded. Danger was everywhere. Danger was everywhere and Toge was vulnerable. Yuuta had to protect him.
Yuuta hadn’t been there to protect him and now Toge was paying for it.
Yuuta had to protect Toge.
He had to.
He fought off the hands that tried to remove Toge’s broken body from him. He called Rika and shielded Toge in preparation for her enacting his wrath.
Yuuta didn’t feel the needle in his neck.
Yuuta clung to Toge, shielding him from danger with his own body. Whatever was coming for them had to go through Yuuta before it even got to touch Toge.
His mind unravelled in seconds.
His hold on Toge never did.
***
Yuuta woke up in a sudden rush of consciousness. One moment he was flat out, the next he was bolt upright gasping for breath. He was sure he almost gave himself whiplash looking around, and then his heart almost stopped with fright because he noticed Maki sat beside his futon.
His...futon?
He was in his room?
But he had been-
“Relax.” Maki commanded when he shot to his feet.
“Where’s Toge?!” Yuuta demanded.
“Sit the fuck down and listen.” Maki’s voice was harsh, even by her standards, and Yuuta tried to rein himself in. He wasn’t the only one falling apart. He hadn’t even been at Shibuya when it all happened, while Maki and Toge were going to wear the scars of that mission for the rest of their lives.
“Sorry.” Yuuta tried to swallow down everything he was feeling as he cautiously sat back on his futon.
“Ieiri did everything she could for Toge. Yes, he’s alive don’t freak out. There wasn’t much she could do about- about his arm.” Maki swallowed, an uncharacteristic show of emotion for her, before continuing. “He’s as sewn up as he’s going to be. She’s wrapped it tight with sealing bandages. She said his throat is just going to need rest, and she’s stuck an IV in him since he hasn’t had anything to eat or drink since we left here that night.” Maki rubbed her eyes tiredly, and Yuuta pretended not to see the tear that she caught.
“He’s okay?” Yuuta wilted against the wall, letting the relief wash over him.
“He’s as okay as he can be after getting his arm blown off and then being trapped under half a building for a few days, yeah.” Maki nodded. Yuuta flinched at her brusqueness.
“But I need to know you’re okay before I let you leave.” Maki fixed him with a look so serious that Yuuta found himself patting himself down looking for injuries. He noticed that someone had bandaged his hands, which was nice of them, but nothing seemed amiss. He could definitely do with a shower after scouring the Shibuya wasteland.
“I’m fine?” Having it come out like a question didn’t do him any favours.
"You're fine, are you?" Maki raised an eyebrow at him that may as well have screamed you’re an idiot.
"...yes." Yuuta managed to make it a statement this time.
"So care to explain why Ieiri had to tranc you? Or why you were screaming like a banshee in the infirmary clinging onto Inumaki rather than letting the medics at him? Why you set Rika on our sorcerers who were just trying to help?" Maki looked like she could have kept going forever listing his idiocies.
"She drugged me?" Yuuta touched where he thought a curse had tried to grab his neck, realisation dawning that it was some poor medic with a tranquilliser.
"Don't sound so hurt about it. You were totally unhinged. You were a danger to everyone who was trying to help Inumaki." Maki's voice was sharper than any blade could ever hope to be.
"I'm sorry." Yuuta swallowed thickly, trying to stop the guilt from rushing him. He knew – he knew – that his emotions got away from him when he was stressed, but hearing he could have hurt innocent people made his stomach turn. He would have to see Ieiri and apologise to her personally.
"I'm so sorry. I just- I found Toge, and then it was all such a rush. I don't remember much. He was bleeding so much and his heart was so weak and I- fuck, Maki, I thought he was going to die." Yuuta's hands dug into his hair and tugged at the roots to try to focus his rapidly spirally mind. "I thought he was going to die. And then...we were in the infirmary but everything felt so sharp and wrong...I was so worried..." Yuuta found it hard to articulate the feeling he had experienced back on the infirmary floor, but Maki seemed to understand completely.
"You were stuck in fight or flight. Happens all the time after stressful shit. You were stressed, so your brain probably figured there was still danger, so you lashed out in defence against something that wasn't there. Bet you thought you were protecting Inumaki from something, right?" Maki pinned him with a look that butterflies near a corkboard would fear with their lives.
"How-"
"You passed out still covering him up. I could barely see him." Maki gave a small smile then before moving into his space and putting her hands on his shoulders. "You brought him home, Okkotsu. You did that. Thank you." Maki looked so serious. All Yuuta could do was nod.
"So now you need to breathe. You need to be calm when you see him. It won't do him any good to wake up and have to deal with you falling apart. Do that after he knows what happened, alright?" Maki's harsh instructions were clearly her blessing for him to see Toge. It took Yuuta a moment to process her words.
"You mean he hasn't woken up yet?" Part of Yuuta was glad for that; he couldn't bear the thought of Toge having to wake up alone after everything.
"No. Ieiri wasn't expecting him to, so don't get your knickers in a twist. He's gonna need some time to rest before his mind starts up again. Which means that you have time to shower. You stink and you're covered in blood; if he wakes up and sees you like that you'll probably give him a heart attack." Maki wrinkled her nose. Yuuta couldn't argue that; he felt disgusting so God only knew how awful he looked.
"I'll clean up." He promised. "And I'll keep it together for Toge for as long as I can." He added at her waiting look.
Maki nodded in satisfaction before getting to her feet, and Yuuta couldn't help but watch as her scarred skin stretched and relaxed in a way that must have hurt at least a little. She was almost at his door when he found his voice.
"I'm glad you survived too, Maki. I wouldn't want to lose any of you." Yuuta meant it from the bottom of his heart. He might love Toge with all of his body and soul, but losing any of their friends would have shattered him.
"Inumaki's been left in his room." Was all Maki said before slipping out and shutting the door silently after herself.
Yuuta took a few seconds to calm his breathing down before gathering his shower stuff out of his suitcase and going to the communal bathroom. It was sheer agony to walk past Toge’s door without going in, but Yuuta knew in the state he was in he was more likely to expose Toge’s freshly tended wound to an infection than anything else. He wasn’t going to risk that.
So he stripped off his filthy clothes, set the water as hot as the pipes allowed, and scrubbed himself raw. It seemed to take a lifetime before the water ran clear off his skin. How many people’s blood had he just watched disappear down the drain? How many sticky patches of slaughtered curse residue had been innocent civilians before their sudden violent demise?
Yuuta couldn’t stop thinking about it.
He scrubbed until every inch of his skin was clean, and then went over himself again and again. He washed his hair four times before dirt and blood finally stopped coming out with the suds, and then gave it another two washes just to be safe.
By the time he deemed himself clean enough to not pose a risk to Toge the bandages on his hands were ruined, so he tugged them off and tossed them over to where he had left his clothes. He was going to burn it all; there was no saving that level of grime. And, honestly, Yuuta didn’t think he’d ever be able to wear those particular clothes again. He had another uniform set; no one would care if he destroyed this one.
Yuuta looked at his hands once he had turned the water – considerably colder now than it had started – off. They were still red and sore around the nails but there was no longer chunks of skin missing or hanging off, which Yuuta considered a win.
He dried off and went back to his room in his towel. It wasn’t like there was going to be anyone walking around the dormitory with all the chaos going on. In fact: even if there were people Yuuta was too bone tired to give a single shit.
He got to his room without hearing even a whisper of another soul in the vicinity.
He threw his towel at his laundry basket and pulled on his pyjamas. After a moment’s thought he grabbed his katana and sat on the bed, where he carefully dug all the dirt out from under his nails. If things were more normal he would have asked Maki if he could borrow her nail set, but as it was his katana did a good enough job.
Once there wasn’t a speck of dirt left Yuuta wiped and sheathed his katana before going to his sink and washing his hands almost violently. The soap stung the tender skin around his nails but Yuuta would take a little bit of pain over the chance he passed something onto Toge while he was so vulnerable.
He had been awake for almost 45 minutes. He was finally ready to see Toge.
***
The door seemed to mock him. It looked no different than it had done any of the other hundreds of time Yuuta had opened it to hide away with Toge when the rest of the world was too much. The door gave no indication that their lives had changed forever. As far as the door was concerned this could have been any random night.
But it wasn’t.
Yuuta’s hands didn’t normally prickle with sweat opening Toge’s door. The hairs on the back of his neck didn’t usually stand up when the door swung in.
The moment the familiar smell of Toge wafted out of the room all of Yuuta’s thoughts stopped.
All that mattered was Toge.
The lamp next to his bed was lit; giving enough light for Yuuta to see the sweat clinging to his boyfriend’s skin.
Yuuta shut the door quietly after himself before moving soundlessly towards the futon he had spent so much time in. The IV Maki had mentioned was nowhere to be seen, which Yuuta hoped meant Toge was already recovering.
“Sweetheart?” Yuuta whispered, not wanting to wake Toge if he was truly sleeping, before sitting on the edge of the futon. Toge didn’t even twitch. Surprisingly, it made Yuuta smile. His boyfriend had always slept like a log and struggled to wake.
“It’s good to see you home, darling.” Yuuta stroked some of Toge’s hair away from his face, hoping it would help cool him down, and marvelled at how it had grown while he had been gone.
They had both changed a lot while Yuuta had been away. Video calls and photos didn’t do justice to how beautiful Toge was. If things had been different their reunion would have involved a lot of exploring how the other had changed, and probably Toge finding something to tease him out.
“You’ve always been such a little minx.” Yuuta rolled his eyes at the thought, but fondness for his boyfriend’s shenanigans filled him to the brim. He couldn’t wait for Toge’s mischievous streak to wake up too.
“I wouldn’t have you any other way, though.” Yuuta murmured as he lay down carefully next to his boyfriend. Toge would wake up when his body was ready; Yuuta might as well join him in getting some sleep while he could. He wasn’t sure how well he would find sleep, but just being able to hold Toge against him for the first time in a year while he tried filled Yuuta with joy.
He lay down next to Toge and put an arm out so Toge could snuggle in if he wanted to. Really Yuuta wanted to spoon his boyfriend and bury his face in the soft hair at the back of Toge’s head, but the boy was already so warm Yuuta didn’t want to force Toge to wake before he was ready by cooking him alive.
So he settled for sleeping next to Toge.
It was still the best sleep he had had since he left.
***
Yuuta had no idea how much time had passed when he was woken.
Woken by Toge struggling beside him.
Yuuta was awake in an instant.
“Baby?” Yuuta sat up and checked Toge over. He was awake: wide and terrified purple eyes were swivelling around and Toge writhed on the bed, his mind probably trying to piece together what had happened and where he was.
“Hey, hey, Toge, breathe.” Yuuta cupped one side of Toge’s face and turned Toge gently to look at him. “You’re home. You’re in your room. Ieiri thought you’d prefer to rest in your own space.” Yuuta ran his thumb slowly – and he hoped soothingly – back and forth along Toge’s cheekbone. Tears were running hot and fast down Toge’s cheeks and his breathing was nothing more than quick frantic huffs in.
Yuuta knew an anxiety attack when he saw one.
But before he could say anything Toge was jerking away from him. Yuuta jumped, not having expected Toge to move so suddenly when he was only just awake, and watched helplessly as Toge tried to get himself up only to realise something key was missing.
Yuuta saw the moment Toge saw his stump; purple eyes widened impossibly more and Toge brought his good hand up frantically trying to pull the bandages off.
“Hey, hey, no, Toge.” Yuuta closed the space between them and clasped Toge’s clawed hand between his own. “Don’t take the bandages off yet. One step at a time, okay?” Yuuta whispered. Once Toge’s hand relaxed in his he helped his boyfriend sit up and Toge slumped so heavily against him that for a moment Yuuta thought he had fainted.
“Toge?” Yuuta couldn’t deny how his heart stopped for a moment. Toge was staring blankly at the duvet. He was probably trying to take stock of his body now that it was unfamiliar to him. Yuuta kept his mouth shut; if he woke up missing a limb he’d like some time to take it in too. He kept hold of Toge’s hand, holding so tightly that he suddenly worried he was hurting his boyfriend and loosened his grip only for Toge to cling back even harder.
“I’m right here, sweetheart.” Yuuta promised. He brought Toge’s hand up gently and kissed over each scratched and sore knuckle as Toge sat in a daze against him.
“Y-” Toge tried to speak, but flinched so violently that he headbutt Yuuta’s chin. Maki had said that his throat would need time to heal, but Yuuta had never seen Toge react like that. Toge’s hand vanished from his own and clawed at his throat for the split second before Yuuta reacted and took his hand back. Wild eyes stared up at Yuuta, confused and afraid, and it was almost enough to break Yuuta.
But he had to keep it together.
He had promised Maki.
And it was what Toge needed from him right now.
“I’m sorry, Toge, but you need to rest your voice a while longer.” Yuuta pressed his free hand against his boyfriend’s throat and let some reverse cursed energy seep in, trying to ease the pain he could see in Toge’s eyes.
The worst part was seeing how Toge kept trying to speak: his mouth forming the shapes and concentration etched into every line of his face but no sound managing to make it past his vocal chords. As if communicating hadn’t been hard enough for Toge already.
It wasn’t fair.
Not only could Toge no longer use even his safe words, but so many signs required both hands that he would now have to find a way to do with just one.
Toge began thrashing against him, bucking out of Yuuta’s hold and rolling right off of the futon onto the hard floor before Yuuta could even blink. Toge landed on his tightly bandaged stump and his mouth snapped open in what would have been a cry if he had been capable of producing sound.
Instead he was the picture of a silent scream before he curled up tight into himself. There on the floor Toge lay shaking like a leaf and clinging to what was left of his arm, tears running races down his cheeks, making himself as small as possible in his agony.
“Oh, love.” Yuuta’s voice was thick with the emotions he was trying not to let out. “I’m coming to put you back on the futon, okay?” Yuuta moved over but Toge shook his head violently, not even seeming to notice when he banged it onto the floor.
“No?” Yuuta repeated, his hands pausing over Toge.
Toge brought his hand up and kept signing the same word over and over.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
“No, you’re not dead, Toge. You’re home. You’re safe now. It’s over. You survived, sweetheart.” Yuuta sat uncertainly next to his boyfriend, not sure if his touch was welcome.
Buried. Dead. Alone.
Yuuta’s tears ran before he was even aware of them.
“Look at me, Toge.” He said firmly. When Toge only curled tighter into himself, tucking his good arm against his chest and trying to hide his face in the floor, Yuuta crawled over and knelt over Toge.
“Toge.” Yuuta whispered, bracing his hands either side of Toge’s distraught face. Toge didn’t react other than to screw his teary eyes shut. Yuuta’s heart was shattering. He took Toge’s hand, gently oh so gently, and brought it up to his face. Toge’s hand was ice cold and shaking against his sleep-warm skin, but Toge gasped the moment he touched Yuuta’s face.
“Open your eyes, Toge.” Yuuta kept his voice soft. He turned and pressed a kiss to the palm of Toge’s hand. “I’m here. You’re alive. We’re both home.” Yuuta kept whispering into Toge’s hand until the eyes he loved so much finally fluttered open.
“There you are.” Yuuta gave him a watery smile. “Well done, sweetheart.” He pressed another kiss to Toge’s palm before lacing their fingers together.
Toge was staring up at him in shock. As if he couldn’t believe Yuuta was real.
Yuuta ducked down and pressed his forehead to Toge’s. He felt hot and clammy and Yuuta was very aware that the cold hard floor was not the place for Toge’s delicate body right now. While he was debating if it was rude to pick Toge up without consent considering it was for his own health Toge meekly pulled his hand out of Yuuta’s.
Yuuta watched, wide eyed and silent in case he spooked his already stressed boyfriend, as Toge shakily brought his hand up and mapped across Yuuta’s face.
It happened in a split second.
Toge brushed his hand along Yuuta’s lips just as Yuuta exhaled through his nose, and suddenly Toge was bursting into tears. Awful, gut wrenching, sobs that must have hurt his throat to even try to make. Toge yanked his hand back and struggled to sit up, but his sense of balance hadn’t had time to even start adjusting to his new proportions, only to wobble and fall back.
Yuuta’s reflexes caught him in a heartbeat, and he finally scooped his boyfriend off the floor and moved them back to the futon. He sat up in the middle of the futon and settled Toge in his lap. It didn’t matter how tightly Yuuta held Toge to his chest, his boyfriend was trying frantically to press himself closer.
“I love you, Toge. I love you so much.” Yuuta pressed kisses anywhere he could reach, rocking Toge lovingly. He didn’t even realise he was weeping into his boyfriend’s hair until he felt the wet patch and thought Toge’s head was bleeding from hitting the floor.
So much for keeping it together for Toge.
“It’s going to be okay now, Toge, I promise. I promise.” Yuuta didn’t know how long he spent rocking Toge as he sobbed, but eventually Toge ran out of tears.
The wheezing noise was back, and Yuuta tipped Toge’s face up worriedly.
“Don’t try to speak yet, love.” Yuuta hated having to say that to Toge, but the thought of Toge having to deal with blowing his throat out on top of dealing with a traumatic amputation outweighed the guilt.
Toge was staring up at him, eyes wide and glassy, and his lips kept moving.
Yuuta. Yuuta. Yuuta. Yuuta.
His name, dozens of times, until Toge ran out of strength and slumped over.
“Just rest, baby.” Yuuta kissed Toge’s forehead softly before laying him out on the futon. Yuuta chanced another kiss before he went and got a flannel to rest over Toge’s clammy forehead.
Toge waking up half delirious hadn’t been ideal. In fact it probably couldn’t have gone much worse, if Yuuta really thought about it. The best he could do now was make sure Toge didn’t spike a fever and hope that the next time Toge woke was more peaceful.
***
Toge didn’t wake again for almost 24 hours.
Yuuta didn’t dare to sleep. He sat next to Toge’s futon watching his chest rise and fall and periodically refreshing the flannel.
Ieiri came some point in the afternoon and set up a new IV, apologising that she had been too busy to come sooner, and Yuuta had almost fallen over himself to apologise for the scene he had caused when he brought Toge home.
His forehead was bruised from how hard he had pressed it into the floor as he apologised to the woman who had only ever tried to help them.
Ieiri had kicked him.
Said something about him being an idiot and just a kid.
Yuuta couldn’t really remember. It felt like every neuron he had was focused on Toge.
He explained to Ieiri how Toge hadn’t reacted very well when he first woke up and she gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze before offering that it might have just been residual sedative clouding his mind.
Yuuta wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or not. He just wanted Toge to feel okay.
Ieiri had given him another shoulder squeeze for that before leaving to go back to the infirmary.
Yuuta was alone with Toge again.
So he talked.
He told Toge all sorts of things from his time away; stories that would make Toge laugh or roll his eyes at Yuuta’s misunderstandings, or maybe even impress him at Yuuta’s finely polished skills. It was more than Yuuta had spoken for years, it felt like.
He was mid-story when Toge’s eyes began to move faster under his eyelids before abruptly opening.
Toge’s mouth opened on a shuddering gasp before he began looking around. His eyes seemed clearer this time, no wild primal terror clouding them, and they stopped dead when they landed on Yuuta.
“Evening, beautiful.” Yuuta smiled. He hoped his face didn’t convey how terrified he was of Toge flipping out again. He really wasn’t sure that his heart could survive that again.
“Yuuta.” Toge wheezed. It was weak and cracked and Toge’s face scrunched in pain, but it was the most incredible sound Yuuta had ever heard.
“I’m here.” Yuuta pressed a hand to Toge’s throat, easing his pain again. Toge gazed at him in disbelief and went to touch his throat.
With the hand he didn’t have any more.
Yuuta watched sadly as Toge startled and looked down at his stump before wilting into his futon.
“I’m sorry, Toge.” Yuuta took Toge’s remaining hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. You know, they told me you saved so many people. You did an amazing job that night. I’m just sorry we couldn’t do more for you.” Yuuta helped Toge sit up when he saw the boy struggling against his sheets and propped Toge against his pillows.
Toge gestured tiredly to his throat.
“It just needs rest. You’ll be telling people who annoyed you to shit themselves in no time.” Yuuta winked and Toge’s eyes crinkled briefly into a smile. The smile faded and he gestured to his arm.
“Ieiri did the best she could. It was already gone when I found you; I’m sorry.” Yuuta bowed his head. The truth was that he hadn’t even considered looking for the lost appendage when he found Toge. Had it been nearby? Could he have brought it back for Ieiri to reattach? Or had it been wiped out of existence completely by Sukuna’s domain?
Toge slapped frantically at his arm and Yuuta’s head snapped back up.
“What is it?” Yuuta was immediately checking the bandages for blood. Toge waved his hand for Yuuta’s attention and Yuuta looked at his face dutifully. Toge took a deep breath before clumsily signing you found me?
“I couldn’t have done it without Rika. But yeah.” Yuuta nodded. Toge stared at him with huge eyes.
Dream. He signed, staring at Yuuta in disbelief.
“You remember?” It was Yuuta’s turn to stare in shock. “You were only awake for a few seconds.” Yuuta thought it best not to mention that Toge hadn’t seemed particularly lucid in those few seconds. Maybe that was why Toge had thought it was a dream.
Buried. Alone. Dead. Yuuta. Home.
Toge’s signing was tired and sluggish, some signs suffering for his loss of hand, but Yuuta understood.
“You thought you died?” It hurt Yuuta to even ask.
Toge nodded in a daze.
Yuuta. Dream.
“You thought I was a dream?” Yuuta blushed right to his hairline at that. “Aw, you dream of me?” He smiled at Toge. He wished their reunion could have been sweeter. Toge was so sweet in his affections; he deserved better than this.
Dream. Toge signed again with a nod.
“Want to know a secret?” Yuuta leaned in conspiratorially and Toge’s eyes widened, ever the gossip fiend, as he leaned close to Yuuta. “I dreamt of you every night I was away. Every. Night.” Yuuta whispered, taking Toge’s surprised pause as a chance to press a kiss to his – thankfully cooler – forehead. Toge looked away bashfully before collecting himself and sitting up straighter.
Found me. Home.
And then Toge broke his heart.
Thank you.
Yuuta shook his head.
“Don’t ever thank me for that. I will always bring you home. I will always find you.” Yuuta would have made a binding vow then and there on the matter.
Yuuta would always find him.
Failure was not an option.