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Kryptonians reach full maturity at the age of thirty. That is the point rejuvenation and growth tips back on the graph towards degeneration. That’s not to say that beyond eighteen she’s still growing; it's more like her cells stabilise, personality settles and mindset establishes.
On Krypton, under the familiar, comforting light of Rao, Kara would start to see wrinkles and creases forming a permanent topography on her skin; her hair would have the potential to mature with refined silver or wise white. She would start to age beyond the accepted standards of Hollywood.
On Earth, under the empowering, golden rays of Sol, Kara would turn thirty and…
That’s it.
A trail off but no definitive end or even a continuation.
Thirty forever . (Or at least long enough to make it feel like that).
It’s not the worst age to be stuck at.
Better than trapped in the immaturity and heightened insecurity of her eighteen year old self.
Far better than the self-righteous and emotionally repressed twenty-five year old version of herself that nearly lost the woman she loved.
Thirty was good. At thirty she understood herself. Had failed and learnt. Had failed a few more terms just to be sure. She wasn’t finished , there was still room to breathe and change and flex.
It was a good age, there was potential but also stability.
But…
The earliest memory she had (more of a flash than anything truly tangible) was being raised up, Rao’s light haloing her Aunt, as her tiny fingers stretched, stretched, stretched and grabbed around the signature grey lock of Astra’s hair. It was a mark of survival and of victory in the face of all life’s challenges. Even as she grew older, more reserved and thoughtful, she would reach for that grey lock - Astra accepting the touch with a proud smile. It was a touchstone, a comfort.
Kal never explained it to her. He told her about her powers, about the vitriol aliens faced - the hatred their kind especially could provoke. He never told her about their immortality, though.
Kara pretended he didn’t know, then banished that thought when she reviewed the Fortress of Solitude’s database (the information ready and available at his fingertips) - then she pretended he didn’t tell her out of kindness. The truth is he was a fucking coward. And Kara hated him for that more than his refusal to learn about his heritage - she hated him for letting her be blindsided, for making her suffer through the revelation alone.
She was already destined to an endless lifetime of being alone - did she have to be alone in that particular moment?
She wasn’t alone in the physical sense. Alex was there. Alex told her. Had told her with eyes filled with pity and sympathy but not understanding. Because how could she?
Kara had lost one world and now she was destined to out-live another.
She’d solar-flared, routine check-up in the DEO; she’d just turned twenty-nine and she’d just lost Lena. She wasn’t paying much attention, mind heavy and heart heavier; however, she heard the hum of interest and curiosity escape her sister as she reviewed Kara’s medical data.
“What’s up?” Kara asked, latching onto something - anything - that wasn’t betrayed green and sneering red lips.
“Oh… it’s um…” Alex trailed off; Kara lifted her head up from the sun bed to see her sister frowning, her scientific curiosity soon replaced by a worried frown.
“Alex?” Kara prompted.
“I’ll be right back.” Alex replied, getting to her feet and leaving in a hurry.
Kara pushed herself up into a sitting position, head craning to examine the screen in the corner that Alex had been looking at. Everything looked fine.
Alex returned only a couple of minutes later, Brainy in tow. “Do you see this?”
“It appears to be within acceptable parameters.” Brainy muttered, assessing the data on the screen.
“Now look at this.” Alex ordered; tapping the keyboard until the screens swapped to show a different set of figures.
“Hmm.”
There was that damn hum again. Intrigued.
Kara straightened up further on the bed.
“And now… this. ” Alex murmured, her tone dropping low and serious as the monitor flickered and shifted into a graph. A dark line curved sharply upwards before starting to slow and curve, eventually replaced by a predictive dotted line that plateaued eternal.
“Oh, yes. That .” Brainy whispered, head dipping down - dark hair falling out of its tidy, pushed back style.
“You knew.” Alex’s words a harsh seethe, lip curling with fury.
“I thought you did too.” Brainy replied, lifting his head to reveal an anguished expression.
Alex flinched at that, fist slamming down on the keyboard and turning the screen black. Kara winced, fully coming back to herself with her sister’s ferocity. “Guys, can someone please tell me what’s going on?”
Alex’s shoulders hunched up to her ears at the sudden intrusion - reminder - of Kara’s voice and presence.
“Alex?” Kara called out, plaintive and scared.
Alex and Brainy shared a long and broken look.
“I can tell-” Brainy offered.
“No, I’ll do it.” Alex interrupted, arms folding protectively over her chest. “When does-”
“Thirty.” Brainy answered without needing to hear the question.
Alex nodded in understanding before Brainy turned on his heel and departed leaving a solemn silence between the two sisters. Alex was less than ten paces away but it felt like there was an entire galaxy separating them now.
“Kara, I-” Alex broke off, swallowing thickly before taking a deep breath and striding over to Kara’s side, reaching out for Kara’s hand and squeezing tightly. “There’s something you should know.”
Kara didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to know what made her sister appear so stricken and broken - like the day she found out her father was dead.
Kara didn’t want to know who had died.
She nodded encouragingly anyway and listened.
Turns out everyone had died except for her. And dear god, did she wish it was her.
Alex tried to comfort her, tried to soothe and placate. She failed.
Kara screamed and sobbed and begged Rao in a language that was only her own, why she was being punished, why she must suffer and suffer and suffer.
Had she not given enough?
Had she not lost enough?
She went to the Fortress of Solitude a week later, studying records that Kal-El had researched years before and fully cementing Kara’s lonely existence.
At thirty (the last time she could say her age and it be a true reflection), she was Kara Zor-El at her fullest. She had a life that was so precious to her, and everyday brought a steady joy which is more than she could have ever hoped for.
Lena turns twenty-seven; Kara plans her birthday party - she books out an arcade with all the cheesy games that Lena had said she’d missed out when she was younger. They eat copious amounts of pizza - Kara purposefully gets sauce all around her mouth so Lena would cup her chin and wipe it away with tender swipes of a napkin (Alex shooting her knowing looks from the other side of the table). They compete against one another, Kara losing so she could delight in watching Lena’s adorable victory dances.
They weren’t together . They weren’t apart either.
An ambiguous in-between, as they settled, falling into one another after all the ways they had been broken apart.
The joy and the positive changes helped Kara forget the importance of being thirty, she pushed it down and away. Repressed it, drowned it and suffocated it. It’s just a number.
Meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
Lena turns twenty-eight and they’re moving in together. (Kara’s thirty but they’re calling it thirty-one.) They buy an apartment within the designated triangle that was marked by CatCo, the foundation and the tower. They’d been dating six months - finally brought together by Esme’s blunt yet astute questions that characterised her as Alex and Kelly’s child far more than any piece of paper could.
“Are you Aunt Lena’s girlfriend?” Straight to the heart of the matter, cutting through six years of build-up like it was tissue paper.
They’d taken her to the cinema and dinner afterwards - a cheesy pre-teen fic of a young girl changing the hearts and minds of her town whilst her older sister finally went on a cutesy date with her male best friend. Kara had expected the question by how Esme’s head had tilted thoughtfully as the young couple had smiled sweetly at one another, eye’s heart-shaped and the spitting image of Kara and Lena whenever they were in each other’s orbit.
The only thing that surprised Kara was that the question came to her and not Lena. Then again, Esme had probably worked out that Kara was the easier nut to crack.
“Uhh… no…”, Kara answered uncertainly, tongue thick in her mouth and face heating up to boiling point.
Esme frowned, crossing her arms (channelling Alex to the extreme) and going so far as to stop eating her ice cream (a true travesty) as she glared up at the blonde - Lena watching with great interest and a light smirk.
“Why not?” Esme demanded.
Kara spluttered, palms and forehead sweating as her eyes bulged. “I… I…”
“Yeah, Kara… why not?” Lena inquired innocently, green eyes twinkling with mirth and affection.
Kara pursed her lips, unsure what to say but knowing whatever it was it had to be honest. “I… I don’t know.” She said simply.
Esme’s frown deepened but she nodded after a beat before looking at Lena - pretty much saying ‘and what’s your excuse’ without voicing it.
“I’ve been waiting for your Aunt to ask me.” Lena answered simply, causing Kara to gasp.
“Well, Aunt Kara?” Esme prompted, gesturing to the space between her two Aunts on the other side of the table.
Kara blinked, and on auto-pilot twisted around in her seat to face Lena who was already looking at her with an arched eyebrow and an infinitely soft smile. “Hi.” Kara murmured, voice high-pitched and nervous.
“Hey, there.” Lena returned, reaching out for Kara’s wringing hands and taking them in her own. “It’s just me.” Lena reminded her, before glancing surreptitiously over to the young girl bouncing up and down excitedly, “And Esme.”
Kara laughed, eyes crinkling and tension eeking away.
“We both love you. You have nothing to be afraid of.” Lena whispered, dipping her head forward to create their own little bubble.
“That’s exactly why I’m terrified.” Kara confessed.
“Is being loved by me terrifying?”
“Yes.” Kara chuckled, shrugging helplessly. “It’s also exhilarating. It's the single greatest experience in my whole life and I don’t ever want to go without it again.”
Lena beamed at her and Kara’s thunderous heart quietened from a rave to a waltz.
“Lena Luthor, will you go out with me?”
“Yes.”
They went on a date the very next night - without Esme, though both Aunts bought substantial Christmas presents that year in gratitude.
Lena stayed over and then never really left - much to all the Superfriends’ entertainment - eventually they caved and bought a bigger apartment once Lena’s clothes overtook nearly all the available storage spaces.
Lena turns twenty-nine and Kara has a ring in her pocket and a bracelet stashed under the floorboards.
She takes Lena to Argo and sees her under a red-sun. She doesn’t even make it through the first day before getting down on one knee.
Lena is crying so hard she can’t even say ‘yes’. Instead, she throws herself at Kara who without her powers is sent sprawling on the grass, the two of them a giggling, sobbing heap. They spend two full days in the guest bedroom of their two week trip - much to her parents’ amusement.
Her mum looks older, streaks of white starting to filter into her hair whilst her Father has gone the other way - being home and away from the nightmares of the Phantom Zone having lightened him and undone decades of damage.
It shocked Kara how much longing she felt when she looked at them; though it wasn’t until her and Lena - her soon-to-be wife - were getting ready to depart that she understood why.
Kara missed them and wished they were a bigger part of her life, though their lives had been diverted for so long that it was a distant emotion - like how an adult felt when wishing for the carefreeness of their childhood.
It wasn’t them that she longed for but what they had.
They were growing old… together .
And that’s when the first crack in her armour of feigned ignorance appeared.
She was going to outlive Lena.
Lena turns thirty and Kara’s heart pounds relentlessly in her chest like it does when she’s in battle, fighting for her life.
They get married on Kara’s birthday - she requests and begs for it. It gives her something to start counting again. Something that has meaning.
Their wedding is a quiet affair considering how high-profile their names are. They say their vows in Kryptonese and kiss until Alex starts to boo.
Lena dances with Esme and Kara watches as another crack splinters her heart.
She’s going to outlive any children they have.
Lena turns thirty-one and Kara has a panic attack.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I ruined your birthday.” Kara gasped out, rocking back and forth on the bathroom floor as Lena kneeled by her side, touching her lightly so as to not make her feel restricted.
Lena and Alex had cleared out the guests - Kara had stumbled away halfway through the song, before Lena even had a chance to blow out the candles on the cake Esme had baked for her. Alex and her family were still nearby, cleaning up and on standby if Lena needed help - the bathroom door cracked open to avoid letting Kara feel trapped.
“No, no you didn’t.” Lena soothed.
“Yes, I… I did.”
“Darling-”
“I don’t want to die alone.” Kara confessed and-
Oh, she’d said it.
She’d said the one thing she was never supposed to say. The thing they never, ever spoke about.
“Kara…” Lena whispered in shock.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”
“Please stop apologising.” Lena begged, finally wrapping Kara up into the tightest hug she could manage.
Kara inhaled stuttering breaths, face a mess of tears and snot as she buried it into Lena’s shoulder, hiccuping out another “I’m sorry.”
“That better be the last one.” Lena ordered, attempting a tease, even as she pressed kisses of absolution to Kara’s cheeks.
“Until I forget to buy you those kale-crisps again?” Kara attempted to joke.
“Until then.” Lena agreed.
They settled into each other’s arms, Lena humming a lilting tune into her ear like she tended to do whenever Kara awoke from a nightmare and needed coaxing back to sleep.
“You’re older than me now.” Kara murmured, once the adrenaline had worn away leaving her fatigued and sleepy.
“You’re telling me you don’t have a thing for older women?” Lena remarked, earning her a teasing pinch to the side that made her laugh.
“It was like a weird mentor-crush! It was barely a thing.” Kara defended weakly.
“If you say so, darling.”
“You can’t be comfortable like this.” Kara sighed, trying to shift so Lena could sit with her back against the bathtub.
“You’re pretty comfy.” Lena reassured, pressing another kiss to Kara's head.
Kara grumbled but didn’t attempt to move her wife - enjoying their closeness and the comfort it provided.
“I don’t know how you feel if you don’t tell me.” Lena said.
“I…” Kara hesitated, but the genie was out of the bottle and it couldn’t be shoved back in. “You’re all going to outlive me. You, Alex… Esme… even if we have…”
“Children.” Lena supplied knowingly, voice tinged with a bone-deep sorrow that told Kara that Lena had been harbouring her own cracks on her heart.
“I don’t- I can’t… I’m not strong enough for that.” Kara admitted, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“You don’t have to be.” Lena promised, head lifting and back straightening with determination.
“Lena-” Kara started.
“I’m serious.”
“How long would it take for a breakthrough like that? To extend your life or shorten mine in a controlled way?” Kara pushed back. “The longer time slips by… we’re already past the point of no return, Lena. And you and I both know we won’t accept either of us taking any risks that could endanger our lives.”
“Kara, there is an option.” Lena declared, lips pressed tight together. “It comes with sacrifices, but ones I am willing to make if you are.”
Kara’s eyebrows shot up in confusion, “What?”
Lena turns thirty-two and Kara turns thirty-one.
Their home on Argo is bright, their bedroom receives copious amounts of Rao’s light first thing in the morning. The room next to theirs is halfway through decorating. Three walls a light blue, and the final one a large mural that Kara iss working on - a depiction of the Sol system so that the child growing strong and resilient inside her would know of her other home.
Saying goodbye to Alex was hard but softened by the work Lena was doing to make transport between Earth and Argo City routine and efficient. Lena had taken a role in the science guild, focusing on developing technologies to aid the slowly cementing trade agreement and knowledge share being established with Earth. Jess, Sam and Andrea had taken over the foundation and Nia had stepped up to be National City’s champion.
Cat was disappointed with Kara’s departure but understood. She even kept Kara on as a freelance writer - Kara providing articles about Argo City and the wider universe, finally bringing Earth into the galactic civilisation.
“Lena!” Kara shouted, voice echoing through their home.
“What? What is it?” Lena questioned, sprinting into the bathroom, gaze flickering over Kara and her rounded belly. “Are you okay? Is the ba-”
“Look, look!” Kara demanded, a single hair pulled tight from her scalp and held aloft.
Lena blinked in surprise but shuffled forwards in easy acquiescence to examine the strand.
“I don’t-” Lena began uncertainly.
“It’s white, Lena.” Kara breathed out in one big rush. “It’s white.”
Lena’s expression softened, hands reaching out to pull Kara close, “So it is.”