Archive of Our Own ^beta

He’d felt it the night before and knew it had been coming even if Buck had hoped more than anything that it was nothing. The tickle on the back of his tongue that he’d prayed was just allergies. Allergies or just a little vocal tiredness from a note he’d taken too hard. 

But full body shivers crept from his toes up his spine and into the tight clamp he had on his jaw as the chills threatened to shake a cough loose and he knew. Eddie was soft and warm against him with his throat an even more inviting place to hide but Buck could tell his nose was ice cold and the simple touch would be enough to shock Eddie awake. Then he’d just worry. 

Buck sucked in a breath and held it— a pointless attempt to save Eddie from getting whatever germs had taken Buck’s immune system hostage— before he carefully slipped out from under Eddie’s arm. It wouldn’t keep him satisfied for long. Eddie always seemed to have a sense of when Buck wasn’t where he was supposed to be, even in his sleep. But it would give him a chance to try and cut his misery off at the pass before it could get out of hand. 

The cold air of the hotel room wrecked shuddering clusters of shiver as it seeped into his muscles until he was sure even his teeth would start rattling but Buck bit down on his lip to keep quiet as he hurried his way into the bathroom. 

He waited until he closed the door before turning on the light and almost groaned when he saw his reflection. 

Seattle was one of Buck’s favorite stops when they were out on tour. The food was great with a waterfront that smelled like salt and coffee and something fried and the days were foggy enough in the mornings that he could hold Eddie’s hand without giving anyone a super obvious view of what they were doing. 

It wasn’t that he was hiding his relationship— the tabloids had been speculating for months— but Eddie was one of the few things Buck had that was his own. It was one of the few aspects of his life that wasn’t ripped to pieces by the media and examined by everyone to judge or approve or dismiss. He wanted to keep that for as long as he could even if that meant he had to save his kisses for when they were alone. 

But there would be no kisses in the near future that was for sure. Not when Eddie got a glimpse of Buck in the morning. 

Dark shadows circled under his eyes, bright blue with fever that was making his cheeks a soft pink against his pale skin. Paler than normal that even Buck wouldn’t be able to hide with his scruff if he tried. 

Shit. 

Buck knew the signs. He’d been riddled with colds and chest infections the first year or so when he and Maddie had struck out on their own. The stress from having to be silent, to be desperate for one ounce of attention that wasn’t laced with annoyance or worse, indifference, had eaten away at him until he was congested and miserable the first moment he had a taste of fresh air. 

He wouldn’t have changed it for the world but he could’ve done without scaring Maddie a few times when his face would turn dark red in a coughing fit. 

Buck grimaced as he sucked in a breath, testing his lung capacity. He didn’t catch on the gunk coating his throat but the inhale made his chest feel heavier than it had moments before. 

Again… shit. 

Buck dug around in his toiletry bag for the package of Advil Cold and Sinus he never went on tour without and popped out two pills before he swallowed them down. They wouldn’t do much but they’d help with the deep ache that was starting to throb in his bones. 

A swell of adrenaline surged into his veins as Buck remembered the pain, the altogether crushing feeling on his chest that made it hard to breathe. He wasn’t there yet but he would be and they were right in the middle of a West Coast tour! They had a show the next day! They—

Buck stopped. 

They had a show. 

Buck was going to be laid up hacking up a lung for a week and they had a show he couldn’t miss. People were counting on him! The band was counting on him! He couldn’t just call in sick when they had a sold out concert the next day and he was the lead singer! If they found out they could do the show without him then what good was he—

A wheeze slipped out from between Buck’s lips as the adrenaline curdled into panic and he slammed his eyes shut, raking a hand through his hair before yanking on it. He leaned into the sting, letting it pull him back down to Earth. 

It could just be a cold. 

He felt sick but not sick. There was a chance he could just have a cold and all the warning signs he thought he was feeling were just the exhaustion from the grueling pace they’d been setting. 

It could just be a cold. 

Buck could sing on a cold. 

He was overreacting was all. 

Buck splashed some cold water on his face and forced his pulse to slow down as he breathed slow, deep breathes that expanded his lungs and his chest without too much of a hitch. 

Just a cold. 

Buck cleared his throat and turned out of the light, using the soft evening glow to guide him back into the room. The chill set in up his spine and Buck searched around in their bags until he found a pair of thicker socks to slip on and what he was pretty sure was Eddie’s hoodie. But it was warm and it smelled like Eddie with the perfect pill texture worn from use that made Buck want to curl up inside it and never come out. Buck yanked the hood up over his head and shuffled back over to bed. But just as he was about to climb in, burrow his way back to the warm spot at Eddie’s side, Buck stopped. 

He didn’t want to get Eddie sick and despite every voice in his head telling him otherwise, he could just be getting a cold. What was it? A cold was the most contagious within the first twenty-four hours? 

He’d spent nearly half the night mouth breathing on Eddie’s neck but still. 

And if it wasn’t just a cold…

Well, Eddie would be the first one to know if Buck woke up hacking out all his internal organs all over him. 

Every nerve in Buck’s body protested as he turned and got into the cold unused bed on the other side of the room. He pushed the pillows up to help keep himself elevated. The sheets were crispy and cold against him and Buck shivered anyway despite the comforter pulled up to his chin and the thicker socks on his feet. He grabbed an extra pillow and tucked it into his chest to hold, wishing that if he tried hard enough, he could trick his brain into thinking it was Eddie he was holding instead. Maybe then the bed wouldn’t feel so big. 

It was kind of ridiculous how used to sleeping with Eddie he’d gotten. 

But they had a show and Buck needed to sing. He was an adult. He could handle one night and if he tucked his sleeve up to his nose to drift off to the scent of Eddie well then that was between him and the insomniac stars now, wasn’t it? 

Besides, it was probably just a cold. 

There was still a chance it was just a cold. 

The bed was too big. 

That was the first thought Eddie had when he clawed his way onto the too bright side of consciousness. Despite being an early riser, waking up was one of his least favorite things. 

Waking up without Buck by his side, his curls tickling Eddie’s nose, was the worst though. 

He frowned as he stared at the dark bathroom— Buck’s usual place for sanctuary— and realized it was empty. 

Eddie pushed himself up onto his elbows as his heart lurched in his chest. Ice dashed through him in a flashover assault on every inch of his skin as he scanned the room. Buck knew better than to go somewhere without him. Maybe Sal—

Eddie reached over to grab his cell and stopped when he saw him. 

The relief of seeing Buck’s back in the other bed was short lived and with it came a heaping of concern that made Eddie’s stomach twist. Buck was curled up on his side, his back to Eddie and the rest of the room, but even Eddie’s hoodie couldn’t hide the full body shivers rippling through him from head to toe. 

“Buck?”

Eddie couldn’t remember the last time Buck had made use of the other bed in their room in ages. Even when he was mad or frustrated with Eddie, Buck always slipped into Eddie’s side and curled up next to him for the night. 

The soft, congested snores were his first clue. The small sounds were thick and rattled with a heaviness that made even Eddie wince. 

He glanced at his phone. They still had a little time before they would have to start making their way down to the bus but not a lot. 

Eddie pulled up his messages to DeLuca with a swipe of his thumb. After Harrisburg where Chimney had sacrificed himself to the masses and Buck and Eddie had made a mad dash to hide out at some Holiday Inn in another town all together, DeLuca had proven himself over and over again that he was capable of being Eddie’s second. 

When a short stop in Detroit that coincided with Eddie’s abuela breaking her hip, keeping him trapped in LA, had ended with Buck running from Eddie’s temporary replacement in the middle of the night and Bobby firing him on the spot, Sal had stepped in to act as his bodyguard for the rest of the trip. He was rough around the edges with bullheadedness that was going to get him in trouble some day but he was good at his job and he didn’t scare Buck which was all that mattered to Eddie. 

EDDIE:

What’s it looking like out front?

DELUCA:

Usual crowd of paps. It’s roped off but he’s got fans wrapped around the block. 

Eddie bit down on his lip as he snuck a glance over at Buck. 

He slipped out of bed and crossed the short distance between the two beds before he dropped down to his knees. Ever since the break in, Buck startled easily if he woke up to someone standing over him. His attackers didn’t get that far thankfully but Eddie knew from first hand experience the nightmares that still plagued Buck some nights. 

“Baby?” Eddie said softly, accompanying his slight shake of Buck’s shoulder with the pet name to hopefully mitigate the flare of anxiety that hopefully one day soon wouldn’t be present every time Buck woke up. 

Buck tensed beneath his hand before he rolled over with a bleary squint of his eye. 

“Ed—”

The harsh bark of a cough was enough to startle them both. Buck’s eyes went wide as he wheezed in thin sips of air that only seemed to trigger another harsh, thick cough somewhere in chest before he was all but launching himself up from the bed and tripping over the blankets to get to the bathroom. Eddie fell back before he caught a misplaced knee in the face. Buck threw himself at the sink, retching up what sounded like sizeable amount of phlegm. 

“Buck?” By the time Eddie made it to the bathroom, he was only able to catch a glimpse of the yellow mucus washing down the drain as Buck threw on the water and spat into the bowl. 

Another breath was sucked in with a desperation that made all of the alarm bells in Eddie’s head blare to life but Buck just groaned as he dropped his face and spat again. 

“Sorry,” he said with a miserable noise slipping out with the word. Buck grimaced as if he hadn’t meant to make it. 

“Are you okay?” It was an inadequate question because just from looking at him Eddie could already tell that he was anything but. Still, he asked and his chest went tight with worry as Buck retched another glob of gunk out. Buck cupped some water in his hand and swished it around his mouth before he spat that out into the sink too and turned off the water. 

“Just a cold,” Buck said as he pushed his fingers into his chest like it was hurting. Eddie arched a brow but Buck just shot him one of those crooked grins that reeked of exhaustion. “A really bad one. I’ve been feeling it coming on the last couple of days.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

Buck sucked in another breath and grimaced as Eddie heard it click on something in his throat before he shook his head. “It hasn’t been bothering me that much. I’m fine. Promise.”

But the thing was, Buck didn’t look fine. His bed head was as wild as ever with the hood from Eddie’s sweatshirt slipping back down his neck slowly but the dark circles under his eyes were prominent against his too pale complexion. Buck’s face looked thin and off with a tightness around his eyes like he was in pain and he kept rubbing his chest like it was bothering him. 

“Why didn’t you wake me?” 

Guilt shot roots into Eddie’s heart and squeezed tight until he almost couldn’t breathe. 

Buck shrugged. “You’ve been working non stop. I didn’t want to wake you just so I could blow my nose and take some cold medicine.”

Why hadn’t Eddie noticed? Had he missed something? Buck and the tour had been running themselves ragged with a long stretch of back to back performances and they’d slipped into survival mode. Cities blurred together with a flashing of lights and sounds where Eddie was simply keeping his head on a constant swivel and Buck and Eddie were dropping into bed with exhaustion pulling them under before they could even finish kissing the other one good night. 

An exhaustion Eddie didn’t even realize had thrown him so far off his game that he hadn’t woken when Buck slipped out from his embrace that night to exile himself to the other bed. 

But there was something else there too. Something Buck was hiding and Eddie couldn’t help but pick up on. It was impossible to ignore. He knew Buck like the sound of his own name; knew his heart beat like he knew his own. 

And he knew then that Buck was hiding something, hoping desperately that Eddie wouldn’t notice. It’d been something Buck would do when they’d first started with Eddie serving as Buck’s bodyguard and waiting patiently to show him that Eddie was there to cover him when he needed it; waiting with an open hand and ready for whenever Buck decided it was safe to come out of hiding. 

Eddie scanned Buck from head to toe. His fingers twitched to reach out to him, to stroke the bolt of his jaw until the tension slipped away, but Buck was all but backed up into a corner and he’d put distance between them for a reason. 

Other than his color and the shine in his eyes that screamed of a low grade fever at least, Buck seemed fine. 

Buck held up his elbow to his mouth and coughed again and the rattle was just as disturbing as the first one if more productive and less suffocating. 

“I’ll call Bobby,” Eddie said and surprisingly Buck didn’t so much as flinch as he nodded.

“I’m going to shower. Can you do me a favor and have Bobby ask for a steroid shot?”

Eddie hummed as he nodded. “Tea?” 

Buck’s eyes fluttered shut as he sighed. “Yes please.”

Eddie’s fingers twitched at his side again. 

“I’d kiss you but I’m gross,” Buck said and Eddie’s protest felt heavy on his tongue. That he would’ve kissed Buck a million different ways even if he was gross and sick and smelled and anything else. But it was a quiet dismissal, one asking for a minute of peace, and despite everything in Eddie screaming to stay, he knew that Buck’s solace was a warm shower and the mist of steam. It’s where he went when he was tired, overwhelmed, sad, nervous, and apparently sick and Eddie wasn’t about to take that away. 

“Call me if you need me,” Eddie said and Buck sighed as Eddie stepped through the door. 

He waited until he heard the shower start before he changed into some comfortable jeans and one of his henleys. 

Seattle was a damp cold that had seeped into Eddie’s bones and left him chilly all over. He could only imagine what Buck must have felt like when he wasn’t feeling well. 

EDDIE:

We’re going to exit out the back. He’s sick. No rope line and
I don’t want to give the cameras a chance to catch him coughing up a lung. 

DELUCA:

You got it. I’ll take care of it. 

With that done, Eddie swiped up Bobby’s number and pressed his phone to his ear. 

“Hey Eddie,” Bobby answered on the second ring and Eddie felt something unclench in his chest as he heard the older man’s voice. 

Bobby was their captain in every sense of the word. He took care of his people no matter how big or small their role was in the whole operation of the band. It was no wonder why so many people respected him. Bobby had a way of making people feel important and seen and he listened when a concern or worry was brought to his attention. Eddie knew Bobby’s tendency to be a little over protective of Buck drove Buck crazy sometimes but Eddie also knew that had more to do with the fact that Buck didn’t know what it was like to have someone who would jump in front of an oncoming train for them. For the longest time the only person who had been in Buck’s corner was his sister, Maddie. 

It was a paternal love— one that Eddie knew well with his own kid— and one that was necessary even if the recipient didn’t think so. 

“Hey Cap,” Eddie said as he checked his things to make sure he was packed. Other than his toiletries in the bathroom, Eddie hadn’t taken much out of his bag despite the four days they spent in the city. “Buck’s sick. Says it’s a cold but I’m not sure I like the sound of his cough.”

Bobby sucked in a breath as he rustled around for something. 

“I’ll be over in a few minutes. What’s he need?”

“He said he took some cold meds last night but I’m not sure what time. He asked for a steroid shot,” Eddie said. “DeLuca is arranging for a back door exit but it might be easier if we come to the bus.”

Bobby hummed his agreement. “Has he eaten yet?”

“Not yet. Maybe a muffin and some tea. I’m going to stay here in case he needs me.” 

Buck’s cough echoed from the bathroom over the sound of the shower. It was still loud but at least it sounded less like a bag of cement was slamming against Buck’s ribs. Whatever was coating his lungs seemed to be loosening up with the heat and the steam. 

“That him?” Bobby asked and Eddie sighed.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

After Eddie hung up with Bobby, he busied himself with his normal checklists. He scanned social media for any worrying content and checked in with Sal to make sure no one had noticed the car sneaking into the back entrance to wait for Buck. At some point, Buck got out of the shower but stayed in the steam a little while longer before he finally emerged looking clean and pink from the heat with a tired sleepy smile stretched across his face. He’d slipped himself back into Eddie’s hoodie but had found another pair of sweats to tuck himself into. 

“Bobby’s on his way,” Eddie said as he bundled Buck back into their bed. “Come on. Close your eyes for a bit. I bet that cough isn’t helping the headache you’re trying to hide from me.”

Buck, the dork, didn’t even look guilty as he buried his face into Eddie’s pillow. The whine he let out when Eddie brushed back his curls was reedy and thin but Eddie wanted to check for a temperature while he had Buck still. Buck pushed into his touch and opened a blurry eye to stare up at Eddie. 

“I’m okay, babe,” Buck said with a sigh. “Just a cold.”

Every time he said it made Eddie believe him less and less but even he couldn’t argue when Buck’s skin felt clammy and warm but not outrageously so. 

Buck made a protesting noise from the back of his throat as Eddie pulled away from his petting but turned his pout to hide into Eddie’s hoodie as Eddie went about brushing his teeth and taking care of his bladder. 

Buck managed to doze for about fifteen more minutes before the soft knock at the door roused him awake with a bleated grumble that made Eddie chuckle quietly to himself. 

Bobby and Hen greeted him with masks on their faces and their arms laden with tea, muffin, and medkit. 

“How’s be doing?” Bobby asked the moment he stepped inside. 

“ He is fine,” Buck said before Eddie could answer, pushing himself up with more of a struggle than he probably realized. “It’s just a cold.”

“Hey Buckaroo,” Hen said, everything gentle about her from her tone to how she approached the bed. Buck tried to save face in his grouchiness but Eddie knew there wasn’t a soft touch Buck wouldn’t eventually melt under and Hen was no exception. 

That was the nice thing of having a certified EMT in the band. They didn’t have to wait for the record label to find a local doctor who would make a house call. 

“How you feeling?” Hen asked as she opened her kit, pulling out a thermometer. 

Buck crossed his legs and tried to hide his shiver as he tucked his hands in the sleeves of Eddie’s hoodie. 

“Like I have a cold,” Buck quipped, coughing into his sleeve before he let Hen take his chin and held still as she rolled the thermometer across forehead down to his temple. 

“That cough doesn’t sound great,” Bobby said, calling Buck out on his bluff. 

“100.1,” Hen read from the thermometer. “Not hateful.”

“I told you guys, I’m fine,” Buck said again and smirked at Hen when she tugged his hood back over his head. 

“It’s not great either.” 

Buck stuck his tongue out and Eddie covered his smile with his hand. A smile that fell away as Buck coughed again. 

“I’ve got a headache and a cough. My nose isn’t even stuffed up.”

“Aches? Pains? Chills?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Buck answered dutifully as he cleared his throat like he was trying to swallow back another cough. “Nothing I haven’t experienced before.”

Hen hummed as she reached behind him with her stethoscope. Everyone held their breath and Eddie couldn’t help but wonder if the others could hear the rattle in Buck’s inhale or just him. 

Something wasn’t right but Eddie couldn’t pinpoint it to call Buck out on it either. 

“I’m not liking what I’m hearing Buck. How does your chest feel?”

“Like I’ve some gunk I need clear up,” Buck said as he reached up to rub his chest. 

Hen said nothing for a moment as she shared a look at Bobby. Eddie knew he wouldn’t even make it to ten before Buck lost his patience. 

That was something he’d learned pretty early on. Buck hated heavy pauses where he knew he was the center of discussion. He hated being talked as if he wasn’t in the room. Eddie didn’t have the full history but he knew there had been a few instances of contention between Bobby and Buck over that very reason. 

On one hand Eddie could understand. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to live his whole life being ignored, treated as if he didn’t exist, only to have someone place you in the center of a spot light and examined for any flicker of discomfort. He knew from his own experience how tight you could hold onto the independence you had no other choice but to gain. 

Buck pushed out an annoyed breath as he threw out his hands. 

“Guys, I am fine. I’m tired but I’m fine.” Buck stressed. “I just need the cortisone shot so I can go on tonight and then I’ll have that whole trip to Salt Lake to sleep.”

“Buck—” 

“Bobby,” Buck said, rolling his eyes as he fell back into the mound of pillows he’d been burrowing himself against only minutes ago. “I said I’m fine.”

Bobby held up his hands in surrender. “Buck, I’m not saying you aren’t. But I don’t want you pushing yourself this early in the tour.”

“So, I’ll take some cold meds and sleep on the drive to Portland,” Buck said as he rubbed his fist against his eyes. “C’mon Bobby. It’s one more show then we have like a week off!”

Bobby still didn’t look convinced though and Buck heaved out another sigh. 

“I’ll keep my inhaler on stage with me the whole time.”

“And you’ll use it?” Hen prompted, her brow arching above the mask. “I’m not clearing you if you don’t promise me that you’ll use it and can prove to me that it’s up to date.”

Buck shot Hen a wounded look before he tore his gaze to Eddie for help. But Eddie wasn’t above throwing Buck over his shoulder and carrying him from the venue back to the hotel and his boyfriend should know that by now. 

“Yes,” Buck said with only a hint of a pout. 

Hen turned to Bobby and despite the still clear hesitation in his eyes, Bobby nodded. 

“Alright,” Hen said as she tapped Buck on the thigh. “Drop the pants and roll over.”

Buck’s eyes widened as he searched for Eddie again but he didn’t even need to say a word before Eddie was crossing the room and dropping into the bed. Buck’s hand found his and with a few slow twists, Buck rolled over and held his sweats down for Hen. 

“Quick pinch,” Hen said and Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand tight in his own as Buck turned to press his face into Eddie’s side. 

Buck hissed at the sting and croaked out of a hoarse whimper as the injection burned. But Hen was quick and Buck was stubborn. 

When all was said and done, Buck was gingerly sitting on his side and nibbling on the blueberry muffin Bobby gave him as a peace offering. 

“You know I have to ask Buck,” Bobby said quietly. “It’s my job to worry about you.”

Buck said nothing for a moment as he picked at his muffin before he curled his knees up to his chest, trying to make himself small as Bobby managed to crack through the exterior shielding Buck had put in place. 

“I don’t want to let you guys down,” Buck said and Eddie’s heart threatened to break at the soft confession spoken almost too low for him to hear. 

“You wouldn’t be, kid.” Bobby insisted and Buck didn’t look like he quite believed him. Bobby settled a hand on Buck’s calf and sighed. “We can postpone Portland, Buck.”

Hen shot Eddie a glance from under her lashes as she started packing up her things. 

Postponing wouldn’t be ideal but it was an option. One that Bobby would make happen if Buck asked. 

There wasn’t much Buck could ask for that Bobby and the team wouldn’t go to the moon and back for. It was getting Buck to believe that that was the problem. 

Buck shook his head and shot Bobby a small smile. 

“I can do it,” Buck said. “I’m just going to sleep for like a day afterwards.”

Bobby looked like he wanted to say more; like he wanted to press harder. But Buck’s autonomy had been stripped away with fame and he knew Bobby tried everything he could to give it back to him. 

Even if he didn’t quite agree. 

“Okay,” Bobby said. There was more. It was plain on his face but he let Buck have his win. “Then we’ll see you on the bus in about an hour.”

When they were alone again and Eddie, despite protests about not wanting to get him sick, tucked Buck into his side so he could play with Buck’s hair. Buck went pliant almost immediately and sighed as he curled arms around just below Eddie’s knee to hold him close. 

“How are you feeling for real, baby?”Buck stiffened where his cheek was nuzzling into Eddie’s thigh. Eddie pressed his fingers into massage Buck’s scalp. “It’s not just a cold, is it?”

Buck shook his head and Eddie rewarded him with a thumb to his temple. Buck shuddered out a sigh that seemed to rattle all throughout his chest. 

“When Maddie and I were on our own for the first time,” Buck said quietly with a grimace on his face he tried to hide into the meat of Eddie’s thigh. “I… got sick a couple times. Hasn’t really been an issue in a while but that’s why I’ve got the inhaler.” 

“And you think this might be the same thing?”

“Maybe,” Buck said with a soft shrug of his shoulder. “I think I caught it in time though.”

“And if that changes?”

“Then you’ll be the first to know.”

Buck grimaced as he rubbed his chest again. 

The two hour nap on the bus tucked under a heavy blanket in the back didn’t do much but make him have another coughing fit he tried to hide into his pillow. His chest ached from swallowing back every itching cough that rattled around against his ribs and the exhaustion was creeping into his shoulders again with every smothered wheeze he tried to knock back with his inhaler. 

He didn’t hide that he wasn’t feeling well from his friends but… he may have omitted a few details when they would check in. Not that it was hard. The band had been avoiding him like… well, like the plague the moment he and Eddie stepped on the bus with masks over their mouths. Tour buses were notorious for their nefarious magical powers in being able to spread germs like wildfires. But when Chimney texted him asking for an update to send Maddie, Buck said he was just tired. Not just tired and it felt like a bag of cement was crushing his chest so badly he thought his ribs were going to splinter but he kept it “just tired” for everyone who asked. 

When he jumped in for a quick vocal warm up, Karen couldn’t look too closely at the way his nose was going cold and his eyes hot with fever again. 

The only person he didn’t try so hard to avoid was Eddie if only because every time Buck caught that worried slant to Eddie’s mouth, he caved every time. 

He didn’t lie to him and he didn’t hide how every minute Buck was feeling worse and worse. But he meant what he said, he could do it. The steroid was doing its job. His chest felt less like it was being stretched until it threatened to break and his lungs expanded easier as he breathed. It loosened things up and made his ribs feel less like they were going to splinter and more like a deep seated bruise instead. 

Buck could work with that. 

Then once the show was done and they would have a break, Buck would let his friends fuss and baby him to their hearts’ content. 

Buck kept his word and would break away from his spot to sneak a hit of his inhaler when he needed it. But that didn’t mean Bobby and Eddie weren’t watching him like a hawk throughout the concert. Buck was also dutifully sipping from his water as well, tossing an arched brow their way when he caught them watching. 

But Buck also hadn’t been wrong. 

He’d been singing all night and playing his guitar with barely a rasp in his voice and a stutter to his fingers. If the crowd caught on that their favorite singer wasn’t at his best, no one would’ve noticed by the cheers that were practically pulsing beneath Eddie’s feet. Karen and Chim had taken over most of the running commentary and crowd interactions with Buck sneaking in a quip or two that always managed to charm everyone in viewing distance of his one eye squinted crooked grin. Sweat was curling Buck’s hair with a flush in his cheeks Eddie wasn’t quite sure he liked the looks of over but overall it was fine. 

Buck played without too much discomfort and the fans seemed none the wiser that he was feeling as miserable as he was.

It should’ve been fine. 

The band came up to a new segment they’d been incorporating into the show where they took a request from the audience. The band liked it because it reminded them of the old days when they were playing in little dive bars but Eddie couldn’t quite help feel like it was just another excuse to make Buck into a kind of plaything; someone who was just there to dance when the crowd demanded it. 

“That’s the nature of the game, babe.” Buck had said one day when Eddie had mentioned it; cheating because Buck knew Eddie all but melted at the pet name. 

Eddie felt Bobby tense at his side but Buck gave him a subtle shake of his head as he placed down his beloved blue takamine with the roses etched into the frets.

“What’s a song you all want to hear?” Chimney asked, sending the crowd screeching as they threw their hands up in the air. “I swear to God no one better say Wonderwall!”

Chimney didn’t have the same charm Buck had but he knew how to work a room and the crowd laughed at the lame but classic joke. Suggestions were shouted at a roar— with a few assholes still calling out for Wonderwall anyway— and Eddie never knew how they could’ve possibly heard anything above a dull thunderous screech of words too jumbled together to understand. 

Buck took another swig of water as he jumped up to the lip of the stage and held a finger to his ear.

Someone shouted something that caught Chimney’s attention because he simply frowned and swung his mic around. 

“That’s not our song,” he said with an infectious laugh that got the audience to join. 

Hen asked Chimney what the person in the audience said before she turned around and address a determined woman caught up in their attention with wide eyes and a massive grin. 

“Isn’t that from a musical?”

The girl nodded before she lifted up sheets of paper and Hen and Chimney lost it. 

“Did you bring sheet music?”

“She brought receipts!” Karen chimed in with a cackle and Chimney crowed out another laugh before he pulled out his monitor and leaned over his keyboard. 

“There’s what?” The woman shouted something else to him before she pointed at Buck. “There’s a Twitter poll?”

Buck snorted as he let Chimney take the lead when apparently whatever the girl wanted them to sing had been something of a debate on social media. 

“Any idea what this is about?” Eddie asked Bobby as he pulled up his phone. 

“I have an idea,” Bobby said before he put his phone up to his ear and stepped away. 

“Well God forbid we anger the Twitter pollsters,” Hen said with a coy smirk to the audience. 

Chimney caught Buck’s eye and silently asked him what he wanted to do. Eddie knew his answer before Buck even nodded his head. 

“Alright let’s see this,” Chimney said with a wave of his hand and the audience erupted in cheers as Eddie’s security team took the sheet music and handed it up to Chimney. 

Buck moved over to study the sheet music while Chimney pressed a few keys on his keyboard so Buck could hear what key it was in. Buck hammed up the crowd when he shot them a nervous grin. 

“Is the Twitter poll is Buck going to butcher this song?” Buck asked into his microphone and the chorus of disagreement turned into a chant of Buck’s name. 

“Jensen weren’t you on the tour for this?” Hen asked.

“Jensen was on tour for everything,” Chimney quipped as Jensen looked at the sheet music. 

She said something to Buck that the microphone didn’t catch before nodding. 

“Well, Buckaroo,” Chimney said as Buck grabbed his water and took another sip. “What’s it going to be?”’

Buck cleared his throat a few times before he leaned into his microphone center stage. 

“I mean… I guess we should settle the Twitter debate ourselves.”

Jensen took her cue [1] and started playing the first note from memory which was no surprise to anyone. Jensen was silently one of the most brilliant musicians in the industry. 

The crowd exploded with a wave of screams and cheers that only increased as Buck threw one of his classic one eye squinted grins their way. 

“Jensen’s better on the guitar than I’d ever be.” 

Chimney paid attention to Jensen as he listened to the vamp before he keyed around with his keyboard. Buck listened as well as he followed along with the sheet music before Eddie watched him take three very careful breaths and stepped up to his microphone. 

“One song… glory. One song before I go. Glory… One song to leave behind. Find… one song, one last refrain. Glory from the pretty boy front man.” 

Several people gave sharp whistles into the air that Buck ate up as he winked out to the audience. 

No one looking at him, confident and sexy with just a touch of bashfulness to make him charming, would’ve known that only hours earlier he’d been snoring on Eddie’s chest or that he’d knocked back an impressive amount of Dayquil the moment they got to the venue for soundcheck. 

“Who wasted opportunity. One song, he had the world at his feet. Glory. In the eyes of a young girl. A young girl.” 

Bobby sighed as he stepped up beside Eddie as the song started to ramp up with Lena catching onto the tempo and improvising a little with Tommy, Hen, and John joining in to add their own style to the very musical theatre-esque rock song. 

“Got the rights just before we got sued,” Bobby muttered under his breath. 

“Find! Glory, beyond the cheap colored lights. One song before the sun sets. Glory on another empty life!” 

Eddie flushed hot as Buck’s growl made something in him rumble to life; arousal that flashed through him like being struck by lightning and left to burn. If he didn’t know how bone tired Buck was, Eddie wouldn’t have been able to make any promises about not kissing Buck senseless in the dressing room.

“Time flies… time dies!”

Eddie had no idea what the Twitter poll was about or who was debating what but he was pretty sure Buck was proving someone right. Lena ramped up her pounding on the drums as she followed along with Jensen’s tempo.

“Glory! One blaze of glory! One blaze of glory!” Buck threw out his arms he tilted his head up and held the note again. “Glory!”

The crowd went wild for him as Buck soar through the song like it was written for him. 

“There’s anniversary for this musical coming up and the fans have been campaigning on Twitter for Buck to be in the performance at the Hollywood Bowl.” Bobby added as Buck moved onto the next verse. 

“He’d crush it,” Eddie said and any proof he needed was happening in front of him. 

“He would.” Bobby nodded. “But you know how he is.”

Eddie hummed his agreement. 

Buck wouldn’t unless the rest of the band could come with him. Or, at least, it would take a lot of convincing to get him to do it. The only reason he’d agreed to help out Paul and Marjan at the Grammys had been because the temptation to hug Maddie in person after being separated for so long had been one he couldn’t refuse. 

But outside of that? 

Buck was loyal to his band to a fault. He wouldn’t go anywhere without them. 

The song built to a crescendo as Buck hit the final refrain and Eddie joined in with the already building applause as the band finished. 

“Time flies and then no need to endure anymore! Time dies!”

The cheering was like one massive pulsating wave of approval and Bobby held his fingers to his lips as he whistled. 

The band was grinning from ear to ear as Buck heaved out a breath but Eddie could only zero in on the way Buck rubbed at his chest. Hard. 

The euphoria of hearing Buck make something into magic crashed down at Eddie’s feet and Bobby must have seen it too because when the band finished the concert two songs later and came off stage, Bobby turned to Buck with an assessing gaze. 

“Are you up for an encore, Buck?” He asked, cutting straight to the point. 

Normally, Buck would’ve taken to the challenge with a tip of his chin and a cocky smirk.

Normally. 

But instead of normally, Buck faltered as he rubbed at his chest again and let out a throaty cough. He latched onto his lip with his teeth and thought about it before he shook his head. 

“Go on without me.”

“Are you sure?” Chimney asked because if Buck asked them to, the band would be done for the night. 

But Buck nodded. 

“I’m good. I’ll meet you at the bus.”

The band nodded before they ran back on stage and Eddie watched as the stage persona slipped off Buck’s shoulders with a heavy sigh. 

“C’mon,” Eddie said as he stepped up beside him. “Let’s get to you to bed, huh?”

“Such a char-mer,” Buck said, his throat clicking as his breath caught on the words. 

DeLuca met them at the stairs that led down to the green room and dressing rooms in the basement.

Buck let DeLuca go first down the stairs with his fingers sneaking back for Eddie’s. 

“Almost there,” Eddie said and tried not to let the worry churn in his stomach at the heat radiating off of Buck. 

Buck shot him a grateful glance over his shoulder. 

Then all the color drained from his face. 

“Buck?”

Buck sucked in a breath that wheezed through his lips and gurgled on something that cracked in Buck’s throat. 

Eddie knew what was happening before Buck’s knees buckled under him but he was frozen, stuck watching as Buck’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and Buck slipped from his grip. 

“Sal!” Eddie cried out as he lurched after Buck. DeLuca turned just in time as Buck slumped over, crashing into him as Eddie snatched his waist, but it was no use. Buck was nothing more than a deadweight and that mere realization had Eddie choking on his heart in his throat. DeLuca cursed as he slipped down a step, his arms a mess of limbs as he kept Buck from toppling down the stairs and bashing his head open. 

“Get him down!” Eddie shouted as he tried to catch both of them and DeLuca ducked under Buck’s arm before he scooped him under the knees and lifted him up. 

Buck didn’t so much as flinch as his head fell back, exposing his long throat Eddie had only just been kissing not even twenty four hours earlier. DeLuca carried Buck down the rest of the way as Eddie slammed down on his radio for the paramedics positioned in place at the front of the venue. 

“Down! Put him down!” Eddie barked as DeLuca turned to him for direction, his eyes tight with the strain of holding Buck up. Eddie cradled Buck’s head as DeLuca bent down to settle Buck onto the cold concrete floor. 

The heat blazing off Buck’s skin seemed impossibly hotter and Eddie only had enough patience to yank off his coat so he bunch it under Buck’s head before he all but pushed Sal out of the way. 

“Buck?” Eddie choked out, the panic tight around Eddie’s throat. It was only through muscle memory alone that he was able to shove it down and keep his hand from trembling as he shoved his fingers against Buck’s throat for a pulse. It fluttered with a speeding stammer against Eddie’s fingertips that he almost missed it. Too fast and too hot for Eddie to properly count but it was there. “Buck! C’mon!” 

“He’s burning up,” Sal said and Eddie knew he was trying to help but it was taking every inch of his resolve to keep from snarling at him. 

“Go find those paramedics!” Eddie didn’t bother to see if DeLuca did what he was told. He rubbed his knuckles hard against Buck’s sternum. “Buck!”

Buck winced and Eddie had never been more thankful in his life for such an image. All the air rushed from his lips as he cupped Buck’s cheek, his heart threatening to crash through his ribs as the relief flooded his lungs and stole all the oxygen in the room. 

Eddie gasped as he dropped his head so that maybe the room would stop shaking. 

“Buck,” Eddie said again, stroking Buck’s cheek with his thumb. “Buck… Baby wake up. C’mon baby. Come back to me.”

         “What happened?” 

“He was fine and then he just went white!”

      “Pulse is racing—”

Buck grimaced as something was clipped onto his finger. 

“Temp is 103.2.”

          “Mr. Buckley? Mr. Buckley, can you hear me?”

   “I’m not liking these O2 levels.”

          “He said he had a cold but he’s been rubbing his chest all day.”

“Mr. Buckley, I need you to open your eyes for me.” 

Something was pressed over Buck’s face and the cool air tickled against his nose. 

But that something… wasn’t right. It wasn’t right. People were touching him. People were touching him and the unfamiliar press of latex made his skin crawl as the panic crept up the back of his throat. 

The cough was unexpected and vicious as it tore from his insides and crashed out of him. It clumped into the folds of his vocal cords, crashing into his gag reflux, before he was heaving again. His eyes slammed open and he could only stare up through a blurry gaze at the stranger’s face above him, soft with sympathy, but still very much unknown. The crawling feeling burrowed under his skin and skittered into his blood, burning in his veins as the panic seized up his lungs and he could only cry out as he tried to shy away. 

“E-E-d—” It was all Buck could get out before the name of the one person he wanted to see caught as his panic warped into a lump in his throat. 

Eddie. He wanted Eddie. 

There were people he didn’t know touching him; hands he didn’t know, prodding and poking and holding him. Unfamiliar plastic hands were holding him tight and trying to get him to uncurl. Every digging fingertip was like a pinprick on his skin. He couldn’t breathe! There was something on his face, blowing on him, but he couldn’t breathe! He couldn’t breathe past the chokehold his panic had on him as strangers kept fighting him as he tried to get away. Tears burned at the back of his eyes, spilling over onto his cheeks as he shook his head and Buck didn’t even recognize the sound that slipped out of him as he flinched away. 

“Buck!” 

Warm hands curled around his, capturing his fingers in between strong solid palms that Buck would know anywhere. He turned his head and felt the beginning of a tear slip past his lashes and down his nose as he found Eddie at his side. 

“Hey,” Eddie said, catching Buck’s other hand he didn’t even realize was fighting the oxygen mask over his face. “Hey, I’m here. Leave that on for me, okay? I’m here.”

“Ed-die?” It took too much effort to get Eddie’s name past his lips. Too much effort and too much strength that felt like it was seeping out of Buck like sweat down the small of his back. 

“You passed out. But you’re going to be okay,” Eddie said and he was smiling but Buck could see the worry tight at his eyes. The skin between his brow puckered with his frown. Buck wanted to reach out and smooth that tension away with the pad of his finger but his arm felt like it was sinking into the cement beneath him. 

He was so cold. 

Buck shivered with the thought. 

Buck caught Bobby pacing behind Eddie with his phone pressed to his ear and felt the pit of regret burn in his stomach. 

The latex hands were back and Buck yelped out a sound that didn’t even sound human as he jumped, scrambling to get away. 

Eddie’s hands squeezed his. 

“They’re just the paramedics,” Eddie said before he shot a glare at one them. “They didn’t mean to scare you. I’m right here.” 

Buck let out a sigh and grimaced as he rubbed at his chest. 

“Hurts.” It was all he could say. All he could muster the strength to do. 

“I know,” Eddie said before he reached up and brushed back some curls from Buck’s forehead. Buck sighed into the touch, pressing up into his fingers so he could borrow some of the heat. “I know. They’ll help you at the hospital.”

Hospital? No…

“You’ve got to go, kid,” Bobby said not unkindly as he knelt down beside him. “You nearly fell down the stairs.”

“Sorry…” Buck said because it seemed the right thing to say even though he wasn’t sure he quite understood what all was happening still. 

Something pained flickered over Bobby’s face before he schooled it back into something softer. He shook his head. 

“I know you are, kiddo,” Bobby said with a firm press of his lips into a line. “I’ll meet you at the hospital, okay?”

Time seemed to shift in and out of focus like a camera lens struggling to find a focal point. Buck could remember all the hands helping him stand but he couldn’t remember sitting up. He could remember the way the lights above seemed to blur together as he stared up at them but he couldn’t remember getting on the gurney. He could remember the way Eddie’s hand held his own tight as they rocked over a pothole but he couldn’t remember when they got into the ambulance. 

He was too cold; too sore to try and force himself to pay attention to what was happening until Eddie bit out of a curse and stood up. 

“Hand me that blanket!” Eddie demanded to the startled paramedic with that tone that always managed to make Buck’s insides turn into honey. 

Everything hurt. His chest ached with each inhalation and his throat burned something fierce on his exhales and he didn’t know why Eddie was standing at the back of the ambulance… 

Eddie spread his arms across the back and held up the blanket over the windows on the ambulance doors. He ducked his head down with the corner of his mouth dipping in as he bit the inside of his cheek, his body a tense sturdy line despite the rattle rocking of the ambulance. But then Buck caught a flash and his stomach sank into a pit he didn’t know if he’d be able to climb out of. 

God it was going to be all over the news! 

He could see the headlines in bold ink and flashing colors in front of his eyes as they formed. 

Or maybe that was the dizziness. 

Buck let his head drop back into the not comfortable mattress of the gurney and blinked up at the ceiling as dots sprinkled across his vision. The nausea crept up the back of his throat but before he could even think of puking, the saliva filling his mouth tickled something again that made Buck choke out another cough that was more bark than productive and left him wheezing despite it all. His chest ached like he was hollowed out, his bones brittle, and there was nothing but slabs of stone pressing down on him until he could barely breathe. 

They used to do that to people! Buck read it on one of his late night research binges when the nightmares had been too fierce to try sleeping. Maddie had eventually come over to stay the nig—

Maddie. 

Buck groaned and Eddie was by his side in an instant. 

“Buck?” And Buck’s guilt at being the one who put that worry on Eddie’s face wasn’t helping him at all. 

But the news would get out and he didn’t want his sister to hear about him passing out like an idiot on Buzzfeed. 

“Maddie…” Buck mumbled because all the energy he had was busy keeping him conscious that he didn’t have enough to spare to move his lips. 

“Bobby’s calling her now,” Eddie said, pushing his hand back against Buck’s forehead to brush away his sweat soaked curls. 

It should’ve brought him some comfort— Bobby took care of things like that— but all it managed to do was send Buck spiraling more and more. 

He told Bobby he was fine! He said he could handle it! And all Buck managed to do was prove that he was just a burden. Another load to carry. Eventually, his friends would see that and drop him and then he would be all alone again and he couldn’t do that again. He couldn’t—

“Hey.” Eddie’s soft voice felt like satin on Buck’s skin, yanking taut as it pulled Buck to the surface before he could drown. Buck’s chin trembled as he met Eddie’s warm gaze. Eddie’s thumb swept the soft skin under his eye, catching a tear at the corner before it could slide down Buck’s cheek. “It’ll be okay.”

It was a touch far too intimate— too familiar— especially in front of the paramedic that was trying to seem like they weren’t watching from the corner of their eye. But Buck needed it all the same. He pushed into Eddie’s touch and shivered as the heat of his palm seeped into Buck’s too cold skin. 

“It’ll be okay, baby.”

And Buck latched onto that assurance like it was his lifeline that was serving as the only thing keeping him from drowning. 

Buck’s mouth was pressed into a bloodless line, white and thin, which was an improvement to the blue tinge his lips had when they got to the ED so Eddie would take it. But it was taking everything in him not to break his way through the glass standing between him and Buck as Buck looked over at him with an almost desperate pleading behind his eyes for the fourth time in so many minutes.  

“How much longer?” Eddie asked the tired technician. 

“We need a clear scan for the doctor to rule out pneumonia,” the technician said with an exasperation to his tone that was grating on Eddie’s nerves. He bit off the retort that he already knew that and settled for crossing his arms over his chest as he planted his feet firmly into the floor beneath him; grounding himself in the present so the guilt and worry didn’t sweep him away. 

He knew all of that. He knew that the doctors had to check and make sure it was just a nasty chest infection rather than pneumonia. But that didn’t make having to watch Buck hold his breath— having to watch Buck struggle to keep air in his lungs— any easier. It would’ve been hard for anyone, especially someone with Buck’s O2 levels. But Buck had been hovering on the threshold of what he could handle ever since he woke up on the floor with two strangers lingering over him. He was exhausted and miserable and one careless grabbing hand away from breaking down. 

Bobby had been the one to demand that someone at least ask if they could touch Buck before they started setting him up with an IV and checking his vitals. Something Eddie should’ve thought of beforehand but he’d been too busy muscling his way between bodies in scrubs and latex gloved hands to stay within Buck’s eyeline to even think about that.

It was the nurses— it was always the nurses— who had managed to adjust quickly without causing their patient anymore distress. 

“Alright Mr. Buckley,” the technician said into the microphone, adopting a much softer tone that Eddie knew Buck would normally hate but Eddie was at least thankful for when he saw Buck chew on his lip. “Two more. Remember, try to hold very still.”

Buck nodded and the whole motion seemed to make him waver on his feet. 

“Arms up. Deep breath in.” Eddie sucked in a breath as he watched Buck do the same. “Hold.”

The few seconds it took for the image to capture felt like years as Buck tried to hold as perfectly still as possible. Eddie’s heart thundered in his throat as he watched Buck twitch, his face going a shade darker, before finally the technician released him. 

All the air rushed past Eddie’s lips as he watched Buck do the same except Buck’s exhale ended with him doubled over as he coughed. 

Buck wavered on his feet and Eddie could see the trembling setting in even from where he was standing. 

The technician grabbed the microphone with a swiftness of someone who knew what was coming before anyone else. “Go ahead and have a seat, Mr. Buckley.”

Buck rubbed at his chest as his eyes locked on Eddie. 

Eddie was through the door before the technician could even utter another word. He burst through the doorway just was Buck knees started to fold under him and swept up to catch him before he could even hit the floor.

A weak fist grabbed onto his shirt as Buck’s legs nearly went out from under him. 

“I’ve got you,” Eddie said as Buck let out another one of those gasping croaks into his neck. He cupped the back of Buck’s head, running his fingers through his hair while he propped himself underneath him. “You’re okay. I’ve got you. Let’s get you over here.” 

A nurse came in just as Eddie was able to get Buck situated on the padded bench tucked in the corner. It nearly killed him to give up Buck’s wrist for her to take his pulse but at least she asked Buck instead of just taking it. 

“Sorry,” Buck said again and Eddie shushed him as he brushed back his hair. He was burning up again. 

“It happens all the time,” the nurse kindly as she handed back Buck’s wrist to Eddie with a knowing smile. “Cold?”

Buck hummed a sound as he nodded.

“I’ll go warm a blanket up for when you’re done. How does that sound?”

Judging by Buck’s shiver, it sounded like heaven and Eddie thanked her as she left before he curled his fingers around Buck’s wrist and pressed into his pulsepoint himself. He counted each beat himself and tried to match his heart rate to the same melody as Buck’s. 

Cold, shaky fingers trailed down his jaw line. 

Eddie looked up as Buck stared back at him. 

“Please don’t worry,” Buck said with a rasp to his voice that snapped at the back of his throat. 

Eddie huffed out a laugh as he lifted Buck’s knuckles to his lips

“That ship sailed the moment I laid eyes on you, baby,” he said against Buck’s fingers before he kissed each one of them. 

Buck blinked at him and Eddie hated how surprised he still got when he was told how much people genuinely cared. 

“I didn’t… I didn’t mean to—“

Eddie cupped Buck’s cheek and dashed his lips with his thumb, quieting his apologies. 

“I’d prefer you don’t push yourself to the point of passing out on me again,” Eddie said and shuddered at the too fresh wound on his memory of seeing Buck’s eyes roll back. “But you thought you could do the show. I trust you to know your limits.”

Buck gnawed on his lip until Eddie pulled it free and Buck let out a breath that sounded as tired as Buck looked. 

“Sometimes… I just…” Buck said, dropping his eyes down to stare at where he was plucking Eddie’s shirt with his fingers. “I hate being handled .”

“I know.” 

Eddie did. If there was anyone who knew how much Buck hated being coddled and moved around like a thing, it was Eddie. 

The problem with Buck was, he often confused concern and support with dismissiveness and rejection and he hated more than anything that there were people in the world who made that view so askew for Buck. 

“I don’t want to be a burden,” Buck confessed and Eddie could see the way the emotion swam in his eyes that were still bright with fever. 

“I know,” Eddie said again. “But you aren’t and anyone who thinks caring about you is a weight too heavy to carry, doesn’t deserve you in the first place.”

Buck didn’t quite believe him. Eddie could see it in his eyes. But he heard him and that was what mattered. If Eddie had to say it again and again until eventually that disbelief turned into something knowing then he would. 

Seeing Maddie, even over the phone, managed to soothe the last of the anxiety that had been lighting up at Buck’s nerves like tiny lightning storms under his skin until he was practically twitching. It prickled in the shape of fingerprints that he knew were all in his head since almost everyone who had touched him had been wearing gloves but that didn’t change the fact that the pressure of the grip had felt like it had left imprints in his skin. Like bruises he couldn’t see. 

Eddie’s thumb rubbing a soothing circle in his wrist helped though. 

He’d offer to give Buck some privacy but for as long as Buck was going to be in the hospital, he wanted Eddie by his side. The staff could call him a diva and tell the tabloids he was a difficult, needy patient but Buck didn’t care. Buck hadn’t been technically admitted but the hospital had managed to find him a private room when it was made abundantly clear that if word got out that Buck was there, the hospital grounds would be flooded with disruptive fans and paparazzi. 

“I was fine.” Buck was definitely not pouting even if Maddie’s scolding made him feel even guiltier. 

“You were not fine,” Maddie insisted over the phone with her brow arching high onto her forehead. “And you knew you were not fine.” 

Buck blamed the fever on the way heat flushed up all the way to his hairline and into his ears. He couldn’t blame his sister for being mad— Annoyed, Buck. Maddie never got mad at him. She’d been there by his side for every miserable night trying to sleep through the coughing fits and gasping, adrenaline fueled rushes to the emergency room in the middle of the night. If anyone in Buck’s life was allowed to call him out, it was Maddie.

But some of Eddie’s confidence was still buzzing under his skin 

“I knew I was fine to do the show,” Buck amended, hitching his shoulder up to his ear. The motion tugged on his IV and Buck couldn’t hide the grimace as he felt the port move. “I just… went too hard.”’

“You think?” 

And okay, yes, now Buck was pouting. 

“Stop being mean to me,” Buck said, his voice slipping into a croaked out whine as it cracked. “I already got the lecture from Bobby.”

Maddie huffed out a breath like she wanted to say more but Buck watched her swallow it back. He was sure he’d hear about it later but for now, he could feel what little energy he had left draining away. 

Maddie gave him one of her looks as she pushed her bangs out of her face before he expression softened. “You sounded amazing singing that song.”

Buck’s heart did a flutter beneath the approval. “Really?”

To be honest, he couldn’t quite remember singing the last twenty minutes of the show but Buck knew better than to say that out loud before he just made everyone worry needlessly again. 

“Yes,” Maddie said like it was obvious. “It’s all over the internet.”

The thought of what was being said on the internet made Buck want to sink into the bed and never come out. 

“Anything else?” He asked. 

Maddie pressed her lips with a knowing look and shook her head. “I haven’t seen anything but if I do I’ll be sure to let you know.”

Buck’s guilt flared back to life in his chest, making his breath hitch again. Maddie shouldn’t be spending her night checking Twitter to see if Buck’s fuck up got leaked; to find out if anyone saw him in the ambulance behind the blanket Eddie held up. 

Breaking News: Lead Singer Can’t Even Breathe Right – Faints like an Idiot in Stairwell. Check out our twitter for further developments.

“I’m sorry,” Buck said as he picked at a loose thread on his blanket before Eddie squeezed around his fingers. “I really did think I could get through the show before it got to bad.”

“And you did.” Maddie nodded. “But you’re allowed to be sick.”

But… It wasn’t that. Logically, Buck knew that. And he’d gotten better. But a part of him was always going to worry that he was one wrong note from being kicked to the curb with just his guitar; that he’d been too much trouble to want to keep around. 

“People count on me, Mads.”

“People love you, Buck.” Maddie corrected and Buck bit down on his lip to keep his chin from wobbling as his eyes burned again. “You don’t have to keep pushing yourself to deserve that.”

Eddie swept a thumb over the bridge of Buck’s knuckles and nodded, quietly agreeing with her. 

“Have you peed yet?” Maddie asked, sensing that Buck was fading fast. 

“No.” Buck glared up at his IV drip, the only thing keeping him from being discharged.

Countless tests, a painful examination of his vocal cords to make sure they weren’t bruised, exhausting x-rays, the first round of antibiotics as well as a new prescription for a stronger dosage of his inhaler, and Buck was being held captive by his uncooperative bladder. 

Any hopes he had of catching the bus before it left for Salt Lake were dashed away with ever mindless ticking of the clock. 

It left an ache in his chest that had nothing to do with his cough. 

“Are you driving to Salt Lake tonight or are you guys getting a room for the night?” 

“We have to catch up with the others. I’ll just sleep on the way,” Buck said and he didn’t know how to interpret the odd expression on Maddie’s face. “We’ve got a week before the next show. I’d rather be on bed rest there than stuck here and try and make the drive later.” 

Maddie hummed, her expression still weird, before she shook her head and sighed. “Well, keep me posted, okay?”

She said it like a question even though Buck knew it was an order. His sister wasn’t above packing up Jee and flying to Utah herself if Buck didn’t answer her calls. 

The exhaustion crept into Buck quickly, seeping into his muscles until he was melting against the bed beneath him. 

“Promise,” he breathed. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

Buck tugged down the brim of his hat again to cover his face. The sunglasses did a good job of hiding his birthmark and the bright blue eyes that anyone could recognize in a heartbeat but it was still way too early in the morning for them not to be obvious. So far, Sal hadn’t seen anyone lingering around with suspicious camera hidden by a sweater or a bush— it’s happened before— but none of them were really willing to risk it. Josh was already drafting a press release back in LA to be released when hopefully they’d been past the state borders. 

Buck’s nerves were rolling off him in waves as he fidgeted in the wheelchair— a non negotiable condition given that as far as Eddie was concerned, Buck was still a fall risk— and Eddie let his hand drift to the slope of Buck’s throat. 

Eddie leaned down so he could whisper his promise into Buck’s ear, sweeping it into his skin with his thumb. “I’m right here.”

Buck sighed as he settled again, tucking his hands into the cuffs of another one of Eddie’s hoodies. 

Eddie pressed a kiss to the crown of Buck’s head, the material of his LAFD baseball cap smelling like sweat and shampoo and something so inherently Buck, before he straightened and pushed Buck out of the privacy of his room. 

DeLuca met them with the car at a side entrance of the hospital where a set of nurses that Buck had wrapped around his little finger helped Eddie transfer Buck from the wheelchair to the backseat of the SUV with little to none fuss or fanfare. They waved their thanks before Eddie hurried in behind Buck and gave DeLuca the go ahead. 

Slipping his coat over Buck as he curled into Eddie’s chest felt a lot like that night in Harrisburg all over again. Just a slower, much more relaxed echo of that chase where instead of Eddie telling Sal to lose their tail, he’d firmly instructed him to avoid potholes on penalty of having to deal with all the old lady ushers for the rest of the tour. 

When the coast was clear and they were free of any lingering paparazzi, Buck slipped out from under Eddie’s coat, but stuck to his side like he’d been attached with glue. He curled Eddie’s jacket further around him and shivered as he settled in with his head nestled into the hollow of his throat. 

Buck sighed and something in Eddie’s chest unclenched when he heard how much easier it was to release that time. 

“Don’t get too comfortable.” Eddie hummed when he felt Buck start to drift from one slow blink to the next that fluttered his eyelashes into Eddie’s throat. 

Buck let out a pitiful sound. “But we’ve got twelve hours and you’re comfortable!”

Eddie huffed out a laugh as he rubbed Buck’s shoulders. “I know but you’re going to get mad at me when I wake you up to get on the bus.”

Buck stiffened and for a moment, he hardly breathed. But then he was pushing himself up, Eddie’s coat slipping from his shoulders as he stared at him. 

“What?”

“You didn’t think they’d leave without you, did you?”

Eddie’s heart nearly broke into a million pieces as he saw the stuttered surprise dash across Buck’s expressive face before he could hide it. 

Because yes, that was exactly what Buck thought and Eddie could see it all over his face. 

“Coast is clear.” Sal called from up front as he pulled into a nearly empty Walmart parking lot where the sleek, totally inconspicuous black tour bus sat waiting for them. 

Buck blinked at the bus and then Eddie and back at the bus again before his teeth latched onto his lip and he pawed for his baseball cap again. 

Buck looked like he was barely waiting for Sal to pull the car into park at the entrance before he was trying to open the door and Eddie had to hold onto him to get him to stop. 

“I go out first,” Eddie reminded him and Buck for once looked like he didn’t dare utter a complaint. 

Eddie and Sal got out and circled the SUV to make sure no one was lingering too close. 

“Kid must really be sick,” Sal said with a snort stuck in his nose. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard him that quiet about waiting in the car.”

Eddie would’ve laughed along with him if he wasn’t bitterly aware of the stiff chill in the air that cut with the breeze. 

“Let’s get him on before he catches pneumonia for real this time. I’ll see you in Salt Lake?” 

“You got it.” DeLuca nodded before he tapped once of the bus door and it opened with a rush of warm air. 

Buck all but fell out of the car as Eddie opened his door. 

“Easy,” Eddie said as he helped Buck stand on wobbly legs. The doctors said it would take a couple days for him to get his strength back. 

Bobby was out of the bus and at Buck’s side in an instant. 

“I thought you guys left,” Buck said, his insecurities quiet in his confession. 

Bobby gave him a comforting squeeze before he was helping Eddie guide Buck inside. 

“Come on, kid.”

Buck’s face brightened at the cheers from the band when they saw him.

    “Buckaroo!”

          “He lives!”

“Mr. Broadway has arrived guys!”

“Hen’s in the back if you need her and I’ll be just a few rows up front,” Bobby said as he helped Eddie slide into one of the seats before he kicked up the arm rest and helped Buck down beside him. 

He’d rather Buck get some rest in the bunks but Eddie knew Buck needed to be with the band for a little while. 

“Snagged this for you,” Chimney said, waving a warm blanket at Buck before he turned to Bobby with a serious expression. “Pretty sure getting us up this early for this long of a trip means we are owed some McDonald’s breakfast, Cap.”

The band cheered— like the bunch of children that they were— when Bobby only rolled his eyes as he nodded. 

When the bus started to roll and everyone was settled, Eddie tucked the blanket around Buck’s shoulders with practiced ease. 

“You’re fussing.” Buck tried to grouch but again, there wasn’t a soft touch Buck didn’t eventually melt under and Eddie had it on good authority that he was Buck’s kryptonite. 

“I’m allowed,” Eddie said before he curled his arm around Buck’s shoulders and scooped up his legs, pulling Buck into his lap and holding him there. “Boyfriend rights.”

Buck sighed as he settled into the hollow of Eddie’s throat again. 

“I can’t believe they stayed,” Buck whispered into Eddie’s skin and Eddie sighed as he pressed his cheek to his head. 

“Of course they did. They’re family.” 

It was as simple as that and eventually, Eddie hoped it would be as simple as that for Buck too.