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Israel Hands went to sleep with a bottle of rum and now his pants are sticky and when he got out of bed this morning, he tripped on a coil of hemp rope and by mistake he dropped his favorite tin cup in the bilge well and he could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At breakfast, Pete told a bawdy story and everyone laughed, but when Izzy tried to tell a story, all he got was uncomfortable stares.
Maybe he should join the Royal Navy.
At third bell, Olu and Jim watched the sunrise from the crow's nest, but there was no room for Izzy (even though he LOVED watching the sunrise). Buttons and Wee John went fishing while the wind was low. Izzy said he wanted to fish, but he couldn't find his fishing pole. He said, "If I don't have a pole in hand before I end this sentence, I will start busting heads I swear!" No one even answered.
He could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
When Blackbeard stumbled on the deck during a big wave, he caught his balance on Stede's shoulder instead of taking Izzy's hand.
At shanty time, Frenchie said Izzy was singing too loud. When it came time to divide the spoils from their latest raid, Blackbeard said he left out Karl II. Who cares about Karl II? He could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
He could tell because the Swede said he wasn't the scariest person in the crew anymore. The Swede said that Roach was actually much scarier and Buttons was the next scariest, and Izzy was only the third scariest person.
"I hope you fall overboard," he said to the Swede. "I hope the next time you have a solo, you wake up with laryngitis and your voice cracks and you can't even speak!"
Roach had two honeycakes left from Port Nassau and Ivan had a brand new knife and Fang had a brand new bag of cobalt blue beads for his beard. Guess who hadn't had time to buy any treats for himself?
It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
That's what it was, because after dinner everyone drank the grog that was about to expire but only Izzy got a tummy ache.
"Next week," he said, "I'm going to enlist in the Royal Navy."
When Izzy was on watch, Karl II pooped on his shoulder and while he was helping to carry a new mast Frenchie dropped the mast on his foot and then when he started shouting because of his foot Lucius said he was being a baby and while he was throttling Lucius for calling him a baby Blackbeard came out on the deck and scolded him for fighting with the crew.
"I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day," he told everybody. No one even answered.
So then he went to the head to take a leak, but all the spots were taken so he went out on deck to piss over the side while he watched the sunset but then Buttons said, "Ye cannae piss portside! Livy and the bairns are SLEEPING!" He made Izzy walk to the starboard side but Buttons couldn't make him piss there.
When he went to meet Blackbeard in the office, he said Izzy couldn't sit on Stede's "decorative footrest," but Izzy forgot. Blackbeard also said to watch out for the navigation charts on the table, and Izzy was careful as could be except for his elbow. He also said don't fool around with the spare nibs, but Izzy thinks he knocked them under the desk. Blackbeard said please don't come into the captain's cabin anymore.
It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
There were oranges for dinner and he hates oranges.
The co-captains were kissing and he hates kissing.
His hammock was lumpy, his tobacco was wet, his pipe got clogged, and he had to wear his pink socks. He hated his pink socks.
When he went to bed, Roach took back the burlap sack he said Izzy could keep and the oil lamp burned out and he stubbed his toe.
Ivan wants to arm-wrestle Wee John, not with Izzy.
It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Stede says some days are like that. Even in the Royal Navy.