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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Alternative option to the 'Izzy can't get pregnant' idea.

    Izzy can't get pregnant so Hornigold breaks his mind and turns him into a prostitute for the creatures and workers in his mythical zoo.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,916
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    100
  2. Tags
    Summary

    As long as Izzy has held a sword, he has wielded it for The Kraken. For Blackbeard. For Ed. But then he was kicked out of the party. Then he broke his oath. Then he got possessed by The Kraken. And then, worst of all, he was saved by that fucking poncy bard Stede fucking Bonnet. Actually, scratch that, the worst part was that the bastard didn't even have the decency to keep him kicked out. So now Izzy is still stuck there, with Stede Bonnet's pack of bards, all of which seem to be convinced that the best use of their time is babysitting him. If Izzy thought he had already lived through the worst week of his life, he hadn't seen anything yet.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,086
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    51
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Bonnet is a famous romance author, recovering from the breakup of his marriage and suffering from writer's block. Through an incredible twist of fate, he changes his life and meets the man of his dreams, village librarian Ed Teach.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,698
    Chapters:
    26/28
    Comments:
    140
    Kudos:
    107
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    3,022
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Long ago, when they were young, Izzy and Ed swore that they would live and die together, that nothing would separate them, not even death. Ed may have broken that vow, and Izzy may be in his grave, but nothing will stop him from keeping faith. So when Ed dies in battle, alone, Izzy sets out to find him...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,519
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    92
  5. Tags
    Summary

    A cathartic trip to Norway turns into something much different when a huge revelation turns Ed's world upside down in the best possible way.

    Also: A fix-it fic to my own damn fic because I really hurt my feelings writing it. 😅

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,548
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    47
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    559
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Ed wonders why his new neighbor Stede keeps walking his dog at 3am. He gets kind of Jimmy Stewart in Vertigo about it but, like, more romantic.

    Created for were-animal day for OFMD AUgust 2025.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Collections:
    1
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    75
  7. Tags
    Summary

    For nearly 400 years, the world has suffered under the overarching rule of the Old Gods - cosmic beings who treat humanity as their own personal toys. In Victorian London, Blackbeards Crew has failed in another assassination attempt of the Emperor of the British Empire, the God who rules through Queen Victoria.

    Meanwhile in Dorset, the household of the Bonnet family needs a new staff. The household suffers under a tense, cold atmosphere, as Alma's thirteenth birthday draw nearer.

    Ed uses this opportunity to escape London. And, by bringing the 2 groups together, he brings forth secrets that have long been kept buried, and allows himself, Izzy and Stede to find a relationship that will shape not only themselves and their crew, but also the future.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    88,846
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    35
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    1,026
  8. Tags
    Summary

    When Stede Bonnet ventures back to his hometown of Wellfleet, Massachusetts, he's expecting to have to deal with his father, his soon-to-be-ex-wife, and the twin bullies from his childhood.

    He's not expecting the shark.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,293
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    178
    Kudos:
    115
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    1,700
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Carving has always been an outlet for Izzy Hands, one he seldom shared with anyone.

    Until now. Surrounded by a new crew, one that wants him, things can change.

    He just must follow the grain.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    166,589
    Chapters:
    27/?
    Comments:
    397
    Kudos:
    183
    Bookmarks:
    34
    Hits:
    6,365
  10. Tags
    Summary

    omfd in the plot of macbeth. thats it thats the fic.

    currently a wip that stemmed from my absolute need for people to understand that izzy IS lady macbeth

    rated m becasue there'll probably be gore and there will be abusive edizzy (but the latter not until like at least chapter 4)

    adding tags as i go which means all sorts of crazy shit might be coming so i'm really sorry about that

    chapters are short becasue that's how shakespeare did it (and i'm lazy)

    you do NOT need to have read macbeth to understand this fic

    from the blurb of my (very battered) copy of macbeth:
    "Shakeapeare's blood-soaked drama of murder, madness and the uncanny begins as Macbeth is promised a golden future as ruler of Scotland by supernatural forces. Spurred on by his wife, he murders the king to ensure his ambitions come true. But he soon learns the meaning of terror - killing once, he must kill again and again, while the dead return to haunt him. Macbeth is an anatomy of fear and a bleak portrayal of what some will do to achieve their desires."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,925
    Chapters:
    5/28
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    82
  11. Tags
    Summary

    "Perhaps, he thinks in passing, it would be easier for both of them if some things from the past could be completely erased from memory. As if they never happened."

    Ed and Stede are starting a new life together, and things are going quite well until an unexpected situation threatens their happiness. It will take all the efforts of the Revenge crew to help them find their way back to each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,027
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    5
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    51
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Twitter is dead to me so trying to find a single new place to house all of the silly OFMD fanart I’ve drawn over the years and moving forward.

    (Won’t include anything imbedded in other fics. May include little thoughts/ideas I had while drawing.)

    Chapter 15: Little Christmas doodle and some holiday fic recs!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,740
    Chapters:
    21/21
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    72
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1,031
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Documentary makers Izzy Hands and Ed ‘Blackbeard’ Teach head to Scotland to investigate the latest sighting of the Loch Ness Monster, and both get a little more than they bargained for.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,486
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    18
    Hits:
    59
  14. Tags
    Summary

    The last thing Izzy remembered was getting shot and dying, quite painfully. At least he was pretty certain he remembered that happening. So when he woke back up on the deck of the Revenge he was all but convinced he'd landed in his own personal hell.
    ___________________________

    Or, Izzy gets flung back in time after dying, becuase what better way for the universe to say "fuck you" than to make him relive all his worst days aboard Bonnets ship. The crew hate him at present. And damn it all, he can't even blame them for it.

    But maybe things can go differently this time.

    Fuck Bonnet and his fucking "talk it through" philosophy, look at him! He's grown a conscience! And all that's ever done for Izzy is get him Dead!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,765
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    29
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    421
  15. Tags
    Summary

    It’s 1967 and eighteen-year-old, college freshman Stede Bonnet wants to get away from his mob boss father and live his life on his terms. But when he meets his father’s new man, Edward Teach, tasked with ensuring Stede makes a good love match with the right person, he can’t help but find himself falling into a dangerous entanglement that could prove deadly.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    93,362
    Chapters:
    32/32
    Comments:
    204
    Kudos:
    99
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    3,928
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Upon Stede and Ed’s departure, Frenchie is made Captain of the Revenge and Izzy is his First Mate… Which would have been fine, had it not been for the lingering sexual tension…

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,269
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    583
  17. Tags
    Summary

    A collection of drabbles from the wee con drabble workshop run by fpwoper and Dracothelizard

    Unedited, unbeta'd just what was written on the postcard in the time allowed.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    357
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    51
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy Hands goaded the Kraken back to life and then had to live with the consequences. While none of his crew got through unscathed, Izzy's life was torn to shreds by the very monster he'd unleashed.

    When the Kraken is killed, the revenge is left to drift aimlessly through the seven seas for weeks before the Gentleman Pirate makes his triumphant return. Nobody can believe what has been happening aboard The Revenge in their absence; but more unbelievable is the way that their old friends have rallied around the insufferable Izzy Hands.

    (Kind of a reimagining of what post kraken life might have been like, if there had been weeks between the first few episodes)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,088
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    135
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Stede and Ed try to manage a life around a café, a crew, a toddler and a new baby.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,856
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    77
    Kudos:
    85
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    1,621
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Written for the WeeCon Drabble Writing Workshop, except I failed to keep it to 100 words.

    Prompts: Olivia, Treasure Map(s)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    329
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    23

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