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When he stepped out of his car he immediately felt the breeze. It tickled his skin and played with his hair, blowing it in his face. He tucked the strands behind his ears. He hadn’t cut his hair in a while, he realized, it was getting long. Shivering, he pulled the collar of his coat up, to warm his neck and throat. With weary eyes he looked up at the sky. It was dark, a few clouds to be seen, despite it being nighttime. His eyes then turned down, looking at the beach in front of him, letting himself get mesmerized by how the waves hit the sand.
“Alex, this is stunning…” Miles’ voice chirped up. He looked down at the empty beach and then turned to his boyfriend with a wide smile, closing one eye when his face met the sun. Alex smiled back at him, finding his enthusiasm endearing. He couldn’t help but think about how angelic Miles looked, his face in the sun, lighting up his features just right, giving his hair a certain golden glow.
“You like it?”
“If I like it?” He asked. He grabbed the shorter boys hand and pulled him closer, pressing a quick peck to his lips. “Al, it’s perfect.” Alex beamed at him and proceeded to check the location, looking around.
“I can totally imagine it already,” Miles continued. “Decorations taken care of by yours truly. Front row; our mums next to each other, sniffing. ‘Oh, our boys’,” he imitated his own mother with a laugh.
Alex giggled at that. “Tell me more. What happens next?”
“Well, we’re across from each other, both looking stunning, as usual. Then I say ‘I do’, then you say ‘I do’ – you better say ‘I do’, Turner – and then-” Miles leaned in and pressed his lips to Alex’s again.
Alex brushed his fingers over his lips, his eyelashes fluttering. His lips were chapped. Carefully, he ran his tongue over his bottom lip, wetting it, only to have it dried by the wind seconds later. He grimaced when he felt more cracks forming, but wasn’t bothered to care any further.
He walked towards the steps that lead to the beach, slowly walking down. Careful not to trip and fall – or maybe he wouldn’t mind falling one bit.
Miles ran out in front of him. Running down the steps. Running in the sand. Alex held in a laugh at how ridiculously cute he looked. Miles turned around, running backwards. The wind made his shirt flutter around his torso, creeping up just an inch. And then… he fell backwards. His loud laugh was carried with the wind, echoing over the beach.
Roaring with laughter Alex ran to him. Towering over him, he offered Miles his hand. Miles looked at it, grinned and took it, not to let Alex pull him up, but to pull Alex down with him. Alex shrieked and landed on Miles’ chest.
“Nice one, Kane,” he groaned, attempting to get back on his feet. Miles, however, had other plans. He wrapped his arms around Alex’s back, pinning him against his chest.
“Let’s stay here, yeah?” Miles murmured in Alex’s hair, before pressing a small kiss on his crown. Alex hummed, laying his cheek back on Miles’ chest, hearing his steady heartbeat. He closed his eyes.
His eyes shot open, unaware he had even closed them. He wasn’t there… He had made it down the stairs, whole. His boots met the sand and he struggled to walk down the beach, into the wind, towards the water.
He stood still for a bit, rubbing his puffy, tired eyes. How long must it have been since his last full night of sleep? A night of sleep that didn’t end with him gasping for air as he woke up in a shock? A night where he didn’t reach for Miles next to him? A night where he didn’t fall asleep, crying in his pillow, inhaling the last bits of Miles’ scent still present?
Long ago… He couldn’t even remember.
Halfway down the beach, he sat, his bum landing in the sand with a small thud. He drew patterns in the sand with his finger. He thought so much, but got nothing down on paper. Words danced in his head, though. Strings of sentences, chords sometimes, to accompany those words… Words he couldn’t say out loud, but those words he felt. But mostly, it was Miles’ voice that echoed through his head.
“Alex.”
Slowly, Alex opened his eyes. It had gotten dark. Alex tensed up and struggled to adjust to the light – or, the lack thereof – while he tried to find Miles’ eyes. He looked up and found Miles’ moonlit face, while Miles’ hands stroked his hair, soothing him.
“I’m here,” he whispered. “Relax.” Followed by a chuckled “We fell asleep.”
Alex sighed, allowed himself to let out a breathy laugh, and reached for the hand Miles had on his head. Miles allowed Alex to roll off of his chest. They lay next to each other, fingers entwined, the sand scrubbing between their fingers. Alex’s eyes found the moon in the sky. It was full, showing perfectly due to the lack of clouds in the sky.
Alex pulled his legs up, hugging his knees. The sound of the waves almost channeling out his thoughts. Almost. He looked up at the sky and the moon was full.
He inhaled sharply through his nose, allowing the scent of the sea to fill his nose. He planted his hands behind him, closing his eyes again, allowing his mind to wander…
“Let’s make this our meeting place,” Alex spoke suddenly, while he sat up. Miles followed him, looking at him, puzzled.
“Meeting place?” Cross-legged they sat across from each other.
“Yeah!” He grabbed Miles’ hand in his, toying with his fingers. “Mum and dad used to have it,” he explained further. “If something happened between them, they would meet at their meeting place, and they knew all would be well.”
“So, if anything happens. If we fight – cause let’s face it, we will – or if we’ve lost each other, we’ll meet here?”
“And all will be well.”
Miles grabbed Alex’s face, gently pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Meet me beneath the moon, and all will be well.”
All wasn’t well. All was far from well. He knew things would never be well again. Alex suddenly felt tears rolling down his cheeks. His hands shot to his face, wiping them away. The sand scrubbed his face. Tears kept coming, washing the sand away. It was foolish to think he wouldn’t get upset anymore. It had been days, weeks, months even. But it felt like years.
I’m sorry. Can we please talk?
Alex sat in his kitchen, his apron still on, staring down at his phone. He held his breath, awaiting an answer.
Fine, whatever.
He exhaled. This reply was better than no reply, Alex concluded.
Half an hour? Meet me beneath the moon.
After minutes of no reply, he dropped his phone on the wooden table, his hands in his hair. Inevitably, he and Miles had a fight, in the middle of preparing dinner. It was a stupid thing to fight over.
Flower arrangements…
Miles had proposed something new, Alex had called his plan to change everything so close to the wedding a ‘bad idea’. Words followed. Words they didn’t mean. Little frustrations that had piled up, all coming out at once.
“You’re always throwing my ideas down,” Miles whispered sadly.
Alex huffed. “Always? You picked out half of this wedding shite!”
Miles pressed his lips together. “It’s your wedding, too, but I promise you, these” he pointed at the photo again “will look so much better.”
Alex averted his eyes. “Fine, whatever.”
“Do you even want to marry me?” Miles asked suddenly, nearly spiting the question at Alex.
“I don’t know.”
As soon as he said it, he regretted it. He tried to stop him, but at that, Miles had gathered his things and left. Alex felt horrible, his appetite completely gone with it.
He stood, pulled the chord of the apron over his head and untied the knot on his back. Carefully, he hung it on the little hook beside the fridge.
He glanced at the clock. 10 minutes left.
He was gonna be late… He dragged himself up the stairs, changing clothes. He threw on the shirt that Miles loved. It was light blue, with a white pattern on it. Some were flowers, some just some simple stripes and dots.
He stumbled back down the stairs and cursed at the realization he’d left the chicken in the oven. He grabbed his oven mittens and opened the oven. Smoke filled Alex’s small kitchen. He pulled the plate out and threw it in the sink. He’d bother with that later, he had to leave.
He glanced at the clock again. 15 minutes… late.
I’m gonna run a bit late. Please, wait for me.
Alex slipped his boots on and pulled his coat from the coat rack. A short knock on his door startled him. With a groan he put his coat on.
“Miles,” he muttered. “Can’t be patient, can you?” He unlocked the door and swung it open. “I’m truly sorry, if you want the flowers to—” He cut himself off, wide eyed.
Police?
“Mister Turner?” The man asked. Alex nodded. The man reached his hand out and introduced himself and his partner. “Mister Turner, can we talk inside?”
“I’m fine here, I have to leave in a few, meeting up with someone,” he replied shortly. “If it’s about the music again, I’ve already told Mrs. Dawson that I’ll turn it down.”
“Mister Turner, I’m afraid we’re not here for that. We’re here for Miles Kane.”
Alex swallowed dryly. “He’s not here.”
“You’re listed as his emergency contact, correct?” Alex nodded. “What’s your relation to mister Kane?”
“He… He’s my fiancé.”
“Mister Turner, he was in an accident. He—”
“Where is he?” Alex whimpered. “Give me the hospital, the room, anything. Where is he?” He was shouting now, tears burning behind his eyes.
“I’m afraid he didn’t make it.”
And at that, Alex collapsed to the floor.
With hollow eyes, Alex stared at the sea. He had discarded his boots and stepped closer to the water. It hit his toes now, the cold sending a shiver up his spine. He took a few more steps. The wetness licked the seam of his jeans, the frays on them dancing in the water. After more and more steps, the water reached his knees. From there, down to his toes he started to feel numb. He quite liked that numbness. The only way to relief the aching pain in his chest.
Alex had always been horrible at goodbyes. But this was one that was forever burned in his memory.
He died with the thought that I didn’t want to marry him…
Everyone was there. Behind him were Miles’ bandmates, as well as Jamie, Matt and Nick. Next to them was Alexa, with friends of both Miles and Alex.
Next to Alex, stood his parents. His father had placed his hand firmly on his sons shoulder. Next to David and Penny were Miles’ parents, as well as his nan. Penny grabbed Pauline’s hand.
Pauline looked at her. “Oh, our boys,” she whispered as they both sniffed, glancing at Alex shortly, implying they’d lost both boys with really losing one of them.
Beautiful words were said. All of which forgotten by Alex. All he could do was stare at the casket above hole in the ground, his mind was racing, and his face was wet. And by the end, Alex was alone. He had requested it himself. He crouched down, and placed a small envelope on the brown casket, before it was lowered. It contained a small, folded note. Only for him and Miles.
‘Meet me beneath the moon.’
So, there he was. It had been days, weeks, months, but there he finally was. His thoughts finally pushed away by the water, by the waves, hitting their meeting place. With teary eyes he looked up at the moon.
“I’m here,” he whispered.