Chapter Text
Tubbo is scouting for rich people. It’s the easiest way to make a couple of dollars. Pickpocket them and then run off. Keep a mental tally of who you’ve pickpocketed and make sure you don’t approach them again in case they get suspicious. Worst case scenario, they have their purses attached to their clothes in some way. But Tubbo’s good enough at the whole thing now that that doesn’t alert them, even if he can’t figure out a way to get the money when that happens.
Some people will tell you that it’s best to find a quiet alley you know like the back of your hand and wait for some unsuspecting rich person to make their way to you. Disguise yourself, jump out, and rob them blind.
Tubbo thinks that method is kind of stupid. If they know for sure it’s happened, they’ll go to the police. And even if you circle through alleys, they’ll catch up with you eventually. No, he prefers to twist through the busy crowds of the marketplace. Everyone’s bumping into someone there. And by the time they’ve realised you’ve taken their money they don’t even remember what you look like - even if they realise straight away.
And Tubbo’s small and quick. He can easily slip through the gaps of people back into the crowd. The trick is, that once you’re there you don’t move too far. Because if the person you just robbed starts yelling about it, the nearby people will instantly be looking around for someone who’s rushing away.
At the edge of the marketplace there’s this big library with stone stairs leading up to it. It’s a common meeting spot for scholars, so there’s often people of all ages standing around and staring out into the crowd. It’s a perfect vantage point with an effective cover for him to pick his target.
And right now, he thinks his target might be an enderman guy wandering through the crowd.
Seriously, he’s wearing a full suit to the markets. Tubbo thinks he can even see the shine of jewelry. It’s like he’s asking to be robbed.
Lucky the guy is tall. When Tubbo slips into the crowd, it’s easy enough to keep an eye on him. And he’s practically perfected his approaching target walk by now. Moving with purpose, but not too much purpose. Enough casualness in his stride that he can switch directions to follow the target without looking suspicious.
He’s not sure anyone would really care, but he’s a professional. He takes pride in being good at his job. And he’s not going to be caught out by some over-analysing bystander who thinks they’re a hero.
Up close, he can see that the enderman doesn’t look like any enderman he’s ever seen. It’s like he’s been split in half. White skin and hair on one side, and black on the other. And neither of his eyes are purple. One red and one green. Strange. But that’s not important.
The important thing is, this guy has way too many pockets. The more pockets someone has, the less likely Tubbo’s going to pick the one with the money in it. At least he doesn’t have to think too hard about which one to go for. He doesn’t think he can reach half of them without being way too obvious and he’s already approaching on the left.
The good thing is, the guy is walking slowly. It’s not exactly surprising that someone would try to overtake him, say, when squeezing past two groups of people. Which is exactly what Tubbo does. They’re forced close enough together that their arms are brushing, and Tubbo slips a hand into the target’s pocket.
And Lady Prime must be on his side because his fingers close around a heavy bag.
He pulls it out, swiftly and carefully, and then shoves it into his own pocket. But just when he’s about to break away into the crowd and look at a nearby stall, someone steps back into him, knocking him into the enderman’s side.
“Oh, wow!” Before Tubbo’s really even aware of falling, hands seal around his arms and attempt to steady him. “Are you- are you okay?”
“Fine.”
The person who knocked into him only spares him a quick glance before moving on. Asshole. He pulls himself out of the enderman’s grasp as quickly as possible and tries to put as much distance between them as he can while they’re still in the thick of the crowd.
“That’s- that’s good, that’s good.”
Out of the corner of Tubbo’s eyes, he sees the enderman wring his hands for a second. So long as he’s not doing any reaching into his pocket to check on his money, Tubbo’s fine though. So he glances away to find an opening in the crowd.
And just when he’s about to take it, the enderman puts a hand on his shoulder. Tubbo shrugs it off quickly, but it doesn’t deter him. He just moves to stand in front of Tubbo. Shit.
But when Tubbo looks up, he doesn’t see the angry expression of someone who’s about to accuse him of pickpocketing. The enderman looks hesitant - almost anxious.
“Sorry, I just- I just wanted to ask if you knew, um, where I could buy books? Writing books? I’ve- I’ve run out. And I don’t usually come to the city, so I’m a little - ha! A little lost. Um… I’m- I’m sorry, I know you’ve probably, uh, got somewhere to be but while- while you’re here?”
Shit and piss this is not ideal. Maybe he doesn’t know anything’s wrong now, but his target has definitely seen enough of Tubbo now to recognise him. Once he finds his money missing, he’ll probably suspect him. Especially if he just tries to leave now without answering.
But answering also makes him more memorable. Fuck. Tommy is going to be so mad at him if he ends up in jail.
Maybe if he’s nice and helpful this guy will assume it couldn’t possibly be him. Yeah, okay. That’s what he’ll go with, he guesses. At least he does actually know where to buy books.
“There should be a stall coming up soon. You were actually on the right path!” He points ahead of him. “About a couple metres that way and then to your left.”
“Thank you so much.” The enderman pauses for a second, then sticks out his hand - offering a handshake and a hesitant smile. “I’m Ranboo, by the way.”
All Tubbo has is a second to consider what to do next, as he returns Ranboo’s handshake and his smile. He could give out his real name - making him more identifiable - or he could make up a name on the spot and lie.
“I’m Tubbo.”
His brain clearly did not choose to lie. But it’s fine! This is totally fine. Tubbo isn’t even his birth name anyway. Only a couple of people would know where to find a guy named Tubbo and they wouldn’t rat him out unless he wronged them first. And he’s not in the business of wronging people who aren’t rich. Or dickheads. But they’re not dickheads so it should be fine.
Except Tommy but the world would be a fucked up place if Tommy turned him in to the police. Even if Tubbo does wrong him in some way.
Anyway, the point is, some random guy knowing his name is… fine. And Tommy doesn’t need to know about it.
Ranboo laughs, a little awkwardly. “Well, I’ll let you get going.”
“See ya, bossman.”
The problem is they were going in the same direction. So, Tubbo makes it past the group then takes a hard left to pretend to look at a stall while Ranboo continues onward in search of books. It isn’t until he’s sure Ranboo’s far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to see Tubbo if he turned back that Tubbo leaves.
It’s a long path back to his apartment. And he wants to get there before Tommy gets home from work.
It isn’t until he’s home that he brings out the purse and inspects his earnings. And, wow, this Ranboo guy is rich if this is what he considers petty cash. This could cover their rent for the next couple of months if they combine it with the rest of their savings. Then they’ll just need to worry about getting enough money for food. And with Tommy’s new job at the cafe bringing in more stable income again that shouldn’t be an issue either.
Things might be actually looking up for them.
He hears Tommy before he sees him. The slam of their front door, a thud as Tommy presumably leans against it, and then a loud groan. Tubbo takes his eyes off the dinner he’s cooking to step out into the living room. And yep, Tommy’s slumped against the door.
“How was work?”
“Shit.”
“Well, I had a very nice day.”
“Fuck you.” Tommy stands up and starts pacing. “People are just so stupid ! Did you know that? ‘Mimimimi you got my order wrong - oh, wait, this isn’t mine, when’s mine ready?’ just shut up, man, before I spit in your drink!”
“Gross.”
“Well, if they didn’t want spit in their drink they simply shouldn’t have been pricks.”
“If you ever spit in my drink I’ll kill you.”
“And I believe you would, too! But you have to-” Tommy changes the direction of his pacing to stride over and put his hands on Tubbo’s shoulders. “Tubbo, listen to me, okay? You have to be willing to die for something.”
“And you’d die for that?”
“In this hypothetical situation where I’m pissed at you while also making you a drink, then yes.”
“I can respect that.”
“Thank you, Tubbo, I knew I could count on you.” Tommy claps his shoulders then leans over to look into the kitchen. “What’s for dinner?”
“Stew.”
Tommy pulls a face.
“We had that yesterday.”
Tubbo doesn’t exactly want to tell him that that’s all they had the ingredients for. That dinner tonight is just whatever they didn’t use up last night. Which wasn’t a lot - not enough for two people, at least. But Tubbo’s definitely not admitting that because then Tommy will insist they split it. Even though Tubbo’s fine to miss a meal.
“I mean, I could always have a second dinner if you don’t want it.”
He hates lying to Tommy - he hates that it kind of feels easy at this point. That it’s easy enough to slip the lie in casually. But it’s for Tommy’s own good. And it’s not the first time he's lied about eating to make sure Tommy eats properly. He doubts it’ll be the last time, either.
“No, no, I’ll eat it! Just, you know, I think you could maybe diversify your meals a little-” Tubbo punches his arm. “ Ow! Fuck, okay, I’m sorry.”
Tubbo nods back at the stew.
“That’s still got about an hour left on it.”
“Right then! I am having a shower while we hopefully still have hot water.”
While he waits for Tommy, he messes around with his prosthetics since his left ring finger is starting to come a little loose. One of the many problems of not being able to buy good materials, he guesses. But hopefully with the money he took from Ranboo, they’ll have enough petty cash that he can splurge a little next time he’s searching for upgrades.
Tommy doesn’t take long in the shower. Either because the water was cold or because he wanted to leave before it got cold. And once he’s out, he slumps onto the sofa. Tubbo finishes up with his hand before joining him, grabbing the money he stole on the way.
“I’ve got some good news.”
“Yeah?”
He tosses the purse onto Tommy’s lap.
“Ow!” Then Tommy freezes. “Wait, wait, that is heavy .”
“Mhm.”
Tommy opens the bag and looks through it, eyes growing wide.
“Holy shit!”
“We could get ahead on our rent by a couple months with this.”
“What idiot is walking around with this much money on them?”
“Some enderman guy who doesn’t come into the city much.”
He almost doesn’t want to tell Tommy the bad news. That he had contact with the target - with Ranboo . Because Tommy knows the dangers of that. And he’s happy right now. Tubbo doesn’t want to worry him.
But while he can get away with lying about the food, Tommy needs to know about this. If something happens, Tommy needs to be able to draw conclusions and figure it out. Then he can either bail Tubbo out, or go into hiding again. And he can’t do either successfully if he doesn’t even realise something’s wrong.
So, as much as he doesn’t quite want to, Tubbo has to tell him.
“We did chat a bit, though. Someone knocked me into him. So, he might end up suspecting me?”
Well, not all of it. The part about exchanging names can stay between him, Ranboo, and Prime.
Tommy frowns. “Tubbo.”
“I already had the money by then! I couldn’t just put it back.”
“Just be careful, okay?”
“I will.”
The thing about Tommy is he wears his emotions on his sleeve. So, Tubbo can clearly see the extent of his worry on his face. It’s been almost a permanent background hum since Tubbo got exploded a year ago. Up until then, Tubbo was doing a great job of keeping Tommy from worrying too much about his general safety and existence, despite the fact he was working as a spy. And now it’s like Tommy never stops.
Even though pickpocketing rich people every now and then is a lot safer than working as the President’s secretary and selling important information to some rebel groups on the side. Especially since they moved cities so it’s not like they’re likely to run into anyone with a grudge.
And Tubbo knows how to placate a lot of emotions after working with the President. Stay quiet, let them yell at you, try not to flinch if they throw things. Nod along and smile if it’s appropriate.
He’s never quite known what to do with Tommy’s worry.
He goes to the marketplace the next day after they pay rent and Tommy heads to work. Mostly because he needs to buy food, but he may as well take the opportunity to see if there’s any more rich people he can pickpocket first.
He’s at his normal scouting spot, standing on the library steps, when an annoyingly familiar voice calls his name. At first, he thinks he’s mishearing. There’s no way Ranboo - some random guy he pickpocketed - managed to find him again.
But then he hears it again louder. And out of the corner of his eye, Tubbo sees him approach. He doesn’t look angry. A little less anxious than before, but same awkward, cheery expression.
“Tubbo!” Ranboo waves. “Uh, it is Tubbo, right?”
“Yep.” Tubbo turns to face him. No getting out of this one. “What can I do for you, bossman?”
“Would you - I mean, could you show me where the book stall is again? I, uh, well, I just actually forgot to bring my money with me yesterday and now I don’t really remember where it is.”
He doesn’t even know he was robbed. Huh.
“Yeah, sure.” Tubbo starts thinking of a way to pickpocket him again. It would be risky if he wanted to get away without suspicion, but he could probably make it work. “Lucky you bumped into me again, huh?”
“Oh, yeah, I was just - I just figured people who go to the library would probably know where to buy books?” Ranboo nods his head to the library behind them. “Do you - do you study?”
“No, I just look at the engineering books sometimes.”
Not exactly a lie. Sometimes he’s stuck with his own engineering and wants a second opinion. And he doesn’t know anyone who knows anything about engineering. So diagrams from the library it is.
“Oh, that’s cool!”
“Thanks.” He points to the markets. “I could take you to the book stall?”
“That would be great, thanks! Yeah, that would- that would be good.”
Tubbo starts walking and Ranboo slots into place next to him. And his purse is within reach. Once they reach the thick of the crowd, Tubbo would be able to get close enough to grab it and Ranboo wouldn’t even realise.
“Can I - can I buy you lunch or something?” Ranboo asks, completely throwing off Tubbo’s train of thought. “Just, you know, as a thank you?”
And Tubbo should say no. The more time you spend with your target, the more opportunities you give them to realise you’ve stolen from them. They’ll over analyse every little brush against them and think, “ surely one of those had to be an act of thievery. ” And then because they know what you look like so well, they turn your description into the police and next thing you know you’re in jail for the rest of your life.
Or it could be a trap. Ranboo might already know it was Tubbo who stole from him and is leading him straight into the hands of the police. Or he’s just a murderer and this is how he lures people into secluded areas.
So yeah, he really should say no.
But he and Tommy just spent all their money on rent this morning. And he hasn’t eaten in a while to make sure they’d have enough. Besides, he’s a good enough fighter, and he’s used to running.
“Sure.” He sends Ranboo a smile. “If that’s alright?”
“Mhm, mhm! Seriously, it’s no problem.” Ranboo laughs and twists one of his rings. “It’s actually just, like, the least I can do to make up for interrupting your day so much.”
Well, this changes the game plan a little. It’ll make it obvious to him that he’s been stolen from, since he’ll know he had his money to pay for things. And just by nature of being with him for a couple of hours, Tubbo will be the most suspicious.
But on the other hand, if Tubbo acts perfectly friendly it could give him an alibi. Build up a character profile of himself in Ranboo’s head. A nice, helpful guy who couldn’t possibly steal. And if Tubbo keeps him to crowded areas, his chances of that working skyrocket. Because surely, Ranboo would suspect one of the many random passers-by over kind, helpful Tubbo.
Or that’s the theory, at least.
Thinking about it, Tommy doesn’t need to know about this either.
Ranboo doesn’t take long at the stall. Despite the flashiness of his jewelry and suits, he goes straight for the plainly covered notebooks and stocks up on them. It’s almost funny, how many he buys. But he said he doesn’t come into the city a lot, so Tubbo guesses it makes sense.
He wonders how quickly Ranboo burns through these things. Because Tubbo’s managed to make his last a good half a year. Although he has kind of filled it to the brim with diagrams and notes.
Maybe he should buy another notebook too.
Not right now though, he needs groceries first. Well, lunch with Ranboo, pickpocketing Ranboo, and then groceries. Very busy day ahead of him.
The cafe they end up at is much nicer than anything Tubbo’s ever been to. The chairs don’t look a second away from collapsing and there’s no paint peeling from the walls. In Tubbo’s opinion, it doesn’t have as much charm.
“Get whatever you want, I don’t mind.”
And, well, he’s offering. Tubbo would be an idiot to refuse.
It almost makes him feel bad about the fact he’s definitely taking Ranboo’s money again by the end of the day. But the guy can clearly afford to lose it so he doesn’t wallow in that emotion for too long.
“Do you study?” Tubbo asks. “That’s a lot of notebooks for someone who doesn’t study.”
“They’re for my memory.” Tubbo thinks he sees Ranboo’s cheeks faintly go green and red. Interesting. This guy must be so fucked up, biologically. But it’d probably be rude to ask about it so he doesn’t. “I just - I don’t really have a good memory? So I just write things down in books.”
“Makes sense.”
“And you’re an… engineer?”
“Well, not professionally.” He wiggles his prosthetic fingers. “But I made these!”
“Oh, dude, that’s so cool!”
And Tubbo can tell by the light in his eyes that he actually means it.
“Thank you, thank you.” He does a small mock-bow and Ranboo laughs. “If I had better materials they’d probably be even cooler. But that kind of stuff gets expensive.”
“I, uh, guess it would, huh?”
Ranboo fidgets with his hands a little bit. Like the reminder of their differing income makes him uncomfortable. It almost makes Tubbo roll his eyes. He doesn’t care that Ranboo’s some rich guy. That’s the main reason he’s hanging out with him, after all.
Kind of.
“Do you want to hear about my projects?” Tubbo asks. “I can’t tell you everything , of course, because you could steal them, and that would be like… what the fuck ? But I can tell you about a couple?”
Ranboo’s nodding before he can even finish his sentence.
“Yeah, absolutely!”
So, he talks about his casual projects. The ones that he makes with his scrap materials from his actual projects that he’s hoping to patent one day. Sure, he doesn’t think Ranboo would actually steal his ideas. Especially when he can tell the majority of the things he’s talking about are going over Ranboo’s head, even if he looks to be on the edge of his seat. But you can never really trust rich people.
Or anyone, really.
What’s interesting is that throughout the conversation, Ranboo continually dodges Tubbo’s attempts to ask him about his hobbies. Not that he’s very good at it. But, well, Tubbo isn’t going to push. He gets it. Although he’s definitely taking a note of it.
Because while it’s suspicious, hey! The food’s good! Turns out having the money to buy better quality ingredients does wonders for a meal. This might be the nicest thing Tubbo’s had in a while. And he finds himself actually feeling full. Kind of. It’s hard to shake the underlying hunger.
But basically, he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Or whatever that saying is. If Ranboo wants to be weird and secretive, Tubbo will let him.
And once they leave, it’s easy enough to step close to Ranboo in the crowds and grab his money again.
They head back to the library, chatting about whatever stalls manage to catch their eyes as they go.
All things considered, it’s been a nice day. Not quite the same as hanging out with Tommy. But still, he almost doesn’t want to leave. It’s probably not likely that Ranboo will seek him out again, even though he kind of knows how to find him. Which, honestly, is probably for the best. Ranboo would find out Tubbo’s stealing from him eventually. And then not only will he no longer see Ranboo again, but he’ll be in jail. Which would obviously suck.
“I should go.” Tubbo says when they reach a lull in their conversation. “Gotta get groceries.”
“I should… probably do that soon too, actually. I’ll need to write a list though so, you know, won’t be able to go with you. Wait, sorry that just sounds like - I wasn’t trying to, you know, assume anything! I just wanted to - I was just trying to confirm that this is where we, um, go our separate ways. Yeah.”
Even though this is probably the last time they’ll speak, Tubbo feels himself smiling. The way Ranboo stumbles over himself is kind of… funny, for the lack of a better word. Like, in a way where Tubbo never really wants to stop hearing him talk, not in the way where he wants to laugh at him.
It’s just nice, he guesses. A nice break from honeyed words that settle into your chest and stick there. Ranboo’s nervous, and unsure, and he’s nothing like the kinds of people Tubbo doesn’t want to think about anymore and that’s nice.
Oh, Prime, what the fuck is wrong with him? He’s only known the guy for two days .
“Alright, well… see you around bossman.”
“Bye!”
For a second, neither of them move. And then Tubbbo gives a final wave before slipping into the crowd. Weirdly - even though he’s in the thick of the crowds - everything feels a lot quieter. But he buys his groceries. And he’s able to get more than he’s been able to buy in a while, actually.
It’s extremely satisfying to put away the groceries this time. Because this time, he can actually fill the shelves. So he doesn’t get that churning feeling in his stomach as his brain tries to figure out how to stretch everything out while still feeding two people for the next week or so.
And he’s got a bit of time before Tommy gets home, so he may as well work on one of his projects again. Even though he really should organise his desk a little better. Or even just his room in general. There’s half-built projects and blueprints strewn around everywhere.
Although, to be fair, it’s about as neat as he can get it with the little amount of space he has. And sure, Tommy said he could move some of them out into the living room. But he doesn’t really want to take up that space.
So he sits down to work on a project. And yep, he definitely needs a new notebook. He doesn’t even have room to work on a new design, so he just focuses on streamlining a previous one.
Because ideally, he’d be able to invent something and then sell the design for it. Do that a couple of times and then maybe he won’t have to worry about pickpocketing just to scrape by anymore. Maybe him and Tommy can finally just chill.
But it’ll be a while before that happens. Pretty much all of his designs are just theoretical because while he might have the time, he definitely doesn’t have the materials to make sure they work.
Maybe with the boost Ranboo’s money has given them he’ll be able to pick up a couple things soon, though.
Prime, he’d almost forgotten that Ranboo was his target, not some new friend he’ll probably never see again. But here he is, for the second time in a row sitting at home with a ridiculous amount of money all taken from Ranboo.
At least he knows he bought stuff so he won’t blame the loss of money on his memory again. It’s a good cover, but Tubbo would feel bad exploiting it. Maybe he should fill up a bag with rocks and do a switch, just to make sure he knows he’s being robbed.
Although, that’s just assuming he’ll run into Ranboo again.
Absent-mindedly, he taps his pen on the page.
But, to be fair, he’s got time. He may as well. You know, just in case and all that.
Tommy arrives home in a similar fashion as yesterday. A slam of the door, a thud as he leans against it, and a tired groan. At least Tubbo can cheer him up with money and a different meal for dinner than their previous two nights.
He even made sure to take the money out of the bag as well. So Tommy doesn’t recognise it as Ranboo’s and ask him why he took the risk of pickpocketing the same guy twice in a row. Because Tubbo doesn’t really have a good answer. And knowing will just stress Tommy out which isn’t something either of them need right now.
Tubbo heads into the living room to see that his assumption based on Tommy’s noises was correct. Tommy is slumped against the door again, head in his hands.
“I’m not built for this, Tubbo.”
“To be fair, you’ve lasted longer in this one than your other jobs.”
“That’s because this one lets me eat the failed pastries.” Tommy drags his hands down his face and then frowns at him. “And because you keep telling me I’m not allowed to scam people because I’m ‘bad at it ’ - but listen, I think Big Man Industries could really steal the market if I had a knife and maybe even a gun.”
“You’ll just… be arrested. The police will just arrest you.”
This is a conversation they’ve had many times. And Tubbo only takes it seriously because he knows Tommy’s only half joking. That the second he turns his back while Tommy’s got the idea in his head, Tommy’s going to try and make it happen. And then Tubbo will have to try and bail him out of jail. Or break him out, considering all the talk of weapons.
“Well, not when they see my knife and gun or what I’m selling. It will simply be too good to arrest me.”
“And what are you selling?”
“Power.”
“Power?”
“I don’t see what you’re not getting, Tubbo.”
“Well, I mean how can you - actually you know what? Nevermind. I just wanted to tell you I’ve got good news again!”
Tommy sighs. Loudly. And in Tubbo’s humble opinion, a little over-exaggeratedly. If he’s honest, he was expecting more cheering but maybe he’ll get that once he explains the news.
“Found some other rich guy to pickpocket.” No response. “ And I have groceries so no more stew for dinner.”
And there’s the cheering.
“Tubbo, you are a king, has anyone ever told you that?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Well, I’m telling you now. You are - dare I say it - maybe even a little bit of a Queen.”
“A Queen, you say?”
“Yes.” Tommy frowns. “But don’t go getting a big head about it. Remember rule number five?”
“Uh,” he tries to think back on the rules Tommy had come up with, but it’s been long enough since it was mentioned that the list all kind of blurs together, “no.”
“Rule number five my friend: Tommy is better than you.”
Okay, now he remembers it a bit.
“Wasn’t that rule number four?”
“No, no, no. Rule number two, Tubbo!”
“You’re… always right…?”
“Exactly.” Tommy pushes off the door and strides past him. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m showering before our bitch of a landlord takes away the hot water.”
“Good luck.”
A few moments later, he hears the shower turn on, but doesn’t hear any cursing from Tommy so he guesses it’s fine for now.
Maybe he should tell Tommy that he hung out with Ranboo. But he doubts Ranboo’s going to pose a threat to him and Tommy’s already on high enough alert from what Tubbo told him yesterday. About how him and Ranboo talked a little.
Tommy already knows everything he needs to know, right? Anything else would just stress him out more. And he’s already stressed enough, even though he tries not to show it.
Yeah, this is… probably the best move. If Tommy pushes he’ll explain, but unless that happens it’s probably best to just leave it be.