Chapter Text
Chan's alarm wakes him up. It's set to an incessant beeping, a noise that manages to worm its way into his dreams. Sometimes he wishes he still had it set to play music - but after too many times of waking up to find out one of the kids had changed it, he deals with the beeping.
There are worse alternatives, and most of the time he's already awake by the time the alarm goes off.
Today is a little different. He'd been up half of the night, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. The sound of the wind against the windows had been louder than usual, and his mind had been filled with lists and schedules. He'd turned his phone on to check the calendar at least three separate times.
He wasn't about to risk getting anything wrong. The long days of summer had treated them all too kindly, and the thought of getting back into such a strict routine still, after all these years, made him a little nervous.
Sure, the kids were now much bigger. Chan wasn't responsible for packing their bags anymore. If they hadn't done their homework until the morning - and then spent the first few hours of the day frantically doing equations on the breakfast table - that wasn't his problem. He didn't have to make their lunches, even if he did sometimes offer.
But that didn't mean there was any less stress. He was still responsible for them, after all, and it was in his nature to worry about them.
The summer holidays are officially over. Today was the first day of school.
Chan turned off the alarm without opening his eyes. He'd known it was a bad idea to stay awake for so long, but every time he'd tried to fall asleep he'd just ended up tossing and turning. The regret was only beginning to properly hit him now.
If he listened, he could hear voices in the corridor. They'd started off pretty hushed, but were slowly increasing in volume. With every passing second, Chan fought off the urge to roll his eyes.
Back to school meant they were back to the same arguments he had to put up with every morning for the past however-many years. And despite being old enough to know better, none of the kids ever managed to work out the problem peacefully and amongst themselves.
He'd left out some clothes the night before, fully aware that he'd be tired in the morning. It doesn't take long before he's pulled them on and is dragging a brush through his hair. A quick glance in the mirror tells him that he has dark bags under his eyes, but that's not entirely uncommon. He looks mostly presentable, so he pushes open the bedroom door and steps into the corridor.
"Excuse me, boys."
Minho and Felix freeze. The sound of the shower is suddenly a lot louder than it had been a few moments ago, and Hyunjin's voice echoes from where he must be standing in the bathroom. He hasn't realised that Chan has come to shut them up, blissfully unaware.
"Hyunjin," Chan says, cutting him off mid-complaint. "How long have you been in the bathroom?"
Really, he doesn't understand how they can still fight about this. When they'd been younger, he'd let them take turns in the bathtub to get clean. It had been efficient and usually at night time, so it didn't impact the morning routine at all.
At some point, however, they'd all decided that showering in the morning was much nicer. They'd had an extension on the house about the same time: giving Felix his own bedroom on the first floor, and more importantly - an extra bathroom with a shower.
He didn't need to ask to know what they were arguing about. The new bathroom had a shower with much better water pressure, and ever since that had been noticed, every morning had turned into a fight about who'd get to use it. With so many teenage boys in one household, Chan could only despair.
"I'll be out in a few minutes!" Hyunjin called, after only a moment of hesitation. He liked to take long showers - which hadn't been a problem in the holidays, when they'd had as much time as they liked to get ready in the morning.
Good. That was one problem solved - the other being the fact that Minho and Felix had obviously been arguing about who'd get to go in next.
He folded his arms. "Is the other bathroom free?"
It wasn't really worth asking. Both of their heads swivelled to look towards the door, then turned back to look at Chan. If he wasn't already tired, Chan would have found it impressively creepy.
"Yeah," Felix said, looking reluctant to answer. He probably already knew what Chan's response would be.
In fact, knowing Felix...
Chan is all too aware of how kind the boy is. It's not often that Chan finds him squabbling with the other kids - and even then, it's never about the small things. He's much more likely to grin and bear it, simply because he's the only one of them that doesn't actually mind getting the worse end of the deal.
It's unusual to find him arguing like this. If it weren't for the fact that Chan had just worked out exactly why, he'd even be a little concerned.
Three weeks ago, Minho had hurt his knee.
The details were still a little sore to talk about, and Minho wasn't about to talk about it any time soon. He'd been allowed to use the better bathroom out of principle for the first week - the water pressure was much better for his knee - but it had quickly become clear that Minho didn't take kindly to being 'babied'.
Even if they'd all been simply looking out for him, the last week had been uncomfortably tense until Chan had finally sat him down and had a chat with him.
Starting an argument now is probably Felix's way of making him feel more normal. The other kids are still a bit cautious to demand that Minho take the other bathroom, even if it messes with the taking-turns system they usually had.
Chan can make a good guess that Felix's plan had been to eventually give in. He's not sure whether Minho has realised what his younger brother was doing. It doesn't seem like it, from the way that he's still mostly calm.
Felix may think he's doing the right thing, but despite his good intentions, it's the exact same type of behaviour that Minho had been complaining about.
"Rock paper scissors?" Minho suggests, holding a fist out and using his other hand to cover his yawn. Chan shoots Felix a very specific look, and then he gives in. Minho ends up winning anyway, and the argument has been resolved in just a few seconds.
The shower is still running though, and despite Hyunjin's promise to be done in a few more minutes, it's very likely that he's completely forgotten by now. Now that the hallway has lapsed into silence, they can hear him humming under his breath. It seems to be some sort of idol song, and it's not a particularly tuneful rendition.
"Bang on the door," Chan tells Minho. Now that the issue has been solved, he can go downstairs to get something to eat. He still showers in the evenings - like a sane person who doesn't want to have to queue up with seven teenage boys.
Minho grins at him, smile all teeth. "I will," he says, seemingly having cheered up. He stays very pointedly hovering outside of the door as Chan makes his way down the stairs. Probably waiting for him to get out of earshot, meaning whatever he yells at Hyunjin is going to get him in trouble.
Chan thinks about pausing and telling him to stop for roughly a third of a second. Then he decides he'd rather not know, and opens the door to the kitchen instead.
It seems like only Jeongin has actually managed to make himself breakfast. He has his legs pulled up into a position that surely can't be comfortable, the light of his phone screen illuminating his face. Half the lights are still off. Most impressively, the bowl of cereal in front of him seems to be more of a mountain than anything that would sensibly fit in a bowl.
Chan flicks the lights on, and Jeongin almost jumps out of his skin. To his credit, he turns his phone off once he realises that he's not alone. "Hey, Dad!"
"Hey, Jeongin," Chan replies with the exact same tone. He very pointedly looks at the giant bowl in front of him, and is satisfied when Jeongin pulls it closer to his body with a large guilty smile on his face.
"I'm hungry!" He protests. As if to prove his point, he shoves a spoonful into his mouth, beaming as he chews. Chan pulls a face, and Jeongin laughs with an evil cackle. He's so busy smiling that some milk drips from the side of his mouth. By the time Chan has reached the counter to get himself some cereal, Jeongin is shrieking with a combination of laughter and panic as he quickly discovers the downside of taking such a big mouthful.
Chan rolls his eyes, but there's a fond smile on his face. Teenage boys eat a lot of food. That's something he knows from back when he was their age. He couldn't care less about how much they eat, as long as they know when to stop.
The most offensive thing about Jeongin's bowl is the fact that his cereal will be soggy by the time he eventually reaches the last few mouthfuls.
He's just glancing over his shoulder to check that he's not still choking when Jisung walks in.
To say he looks half-asleep would be an understatement. He's still wearing his pyjamas, the lines of a crumpled pillow criss-crossing the soft skin of his cheeks. There are at least three separate cowlicks in his hair, and he only mumbles back a hello when Jeongin greets him.
"You want cereal?" Chan asks. He still hasn't made any progress in pouring himself any, and it's much more efficient to help each other. "I'll get the bowls and spoons."
"Thanks." Jisung leans down and grabs the milk. It's in the same space in the fridge as always, if any of the boys finish it, they know to open the next bottle and replace it. It's common courtesy. He slides it onto the side and then opens the cereal cupboard and freezes. "Jeongin."
Jeongin's guilty smile is back in ten-fold. "Yes, my beloved brother Jisung? What could you possibly want to ask?"
"Did you eat all the Shreddies?"
Jeongin puts his hand over his chest, gasping in mock horror. The whole scene is ruined by the fact he looks like he's enjoying himself way too much. Jisung doesn't even need to see his face to hear the gleeful tone in his voice. "Me? Your favourite little brother? Your darling baby brother, who you love dearly? You're accusing me of such a heinous crime?"
Each cereal box on the shelf has a small braille label stuck onto the side of the packaging. Most of the stuff in their house does - blu-tacked onto the sides of cans and jars, for example, so that they can be reused. The label for Shreddies has been stuck onto the back of the cupboard. Right where the box had been yesterday morning.
"Where's the empty box?" Jisung says. At least he seems to have woken up now. He can hear the smile in Jeongin's voice, so he knows he's being teased.
The cardboard recycling hasn't been taken out yet, and the Shreddies box is right on top of the pile. Jisung grabs an empty box that had once contained crackers, and lobs it at Jeongin's head with surprising accuracy. "Oh wait, that wasn't the right size," he says, his own voice having caught the infectious tone of mischief, "I'll have to try again so I can make a point. Innie, stay still."
The Shreddies box also goes flying across the room. Jeongin had sensibly ducked, even if the sound of his laughter gives him away. Chan steps in before anything else can be thrown, coughing with what he hopes sounds like disapproval. "Excuse me, boys. I hope that you're planning to clean up after you unload the trash back onto the table."
That immediately shuts them up.
"That's what I thought," he says. He knows without checking that there isn't another box of Shreddies in the cupboard. "Jisung, I'll buy some more when I go shopping today. You'll have to have something else for today."
Jisung sticks his middle finger up at Jeongin. "Fine," he says, grabbing a different box from the cupboard. "This cool with you? I'll do your bowl as well."
"Huh? Oh, that's fine." Chan couldn't actually care less about the cereal. Without any further hitches, they're both sat down at the table in less than a minute. It's still early-ish in the morning, so the bottom floor of the house is still quiet.
Chan isn't worried about waking any of the kids up just yet. If they've missed their alarms, then the fact they have to do their morning routine in forty five minutes is purely their own fault. But the fact that Hyunjin is down next - wet hair still dripping onto the shoulders of his t-shirt - is slightly odd.
Minho and Felix are presumably still in the showers. They won't be too long. Even with Minho's injury, they prefer to keep all their water-wasting shower time to the weekends. They'll be down before Chan has to go and chase them up.
Changbin is still at his Mom's house. Chan has arranged to pick him up tomorrow, right before the weekend.
And Seungmin-
"Did you finish the Shreddies?" Hyunjin says, looking slightly appalled as he checks the cereal cupboard. It's enough to send both Jisung and Jeongin into early-morning hysterics. Even Chan can't help but hide his smile behind his hand.
Hyunjin just looks very confused. "What's so funny?"
No one wants to go to the effort of explaining it to him, so instead he has to resign to never knowing what had been so hilarious. He does send them all a suspicious look as he sits down, biting into the apple he'd picked up instead.
"None of you are too nervous about school today?" Chan says, after they've sat in silence for a few more minutes. Felix had walked in at some point, and rummaged through the cupboards before giving up on the idea of cooking something for breakfast. He'd ended up going for cereal, like most of the others.
The sound of the shower has also finally stopped, meaning it won't be long before Minho is down to join them.
Seungmin, however, is on thin ice. If he's not awake now, then it means he probably won't be getting up without a little push. He's usually good with his alarms. There's still an hour before they need to leave, but Chan makes up his mind to wake him once he's finished his bowl.
It wouldn't be kind to leave him when he knows Seungmin doesn't like to be rushed. They're not starting the first day back at school on the wrong foot already. The fact he'll be slightly behind everyone else will just have to be punishment enough.
Hyunjin pulls a face. "We're not little kids, Dad. It's school. It's exactly the same as it had been for the past seven years."
"That's not true," Felix is quick to fire back. "Sungie and I are high schoolers now. It's gonna be a little different."
Hyunjin just snorts around a bite of his apple. "Trust me. Literally nothing changes."
"I'm excited," Jisung says, cutting him off before they could start sending aimed comments across the table. Chan had been too busy frowning - this is the second time Felix has acted a little differently this morning - to have noticed the rising tension. "It'll be nice to start fresh! And it looks like we're studying some pretty interesting stuff as well."
"You just got lucky with your teachers," Hyunjin mutters.
Jeongin stands up. It's strange that he's the only one of the kids in middle school now, and though he doesn't show it, Chan suspects he might be getting a little sick of the attention being focused on the high school. With three of them going up this term, it had been bound to happen.
"Innie," Chan says. "How about I give you a lift this morning?"
“Huh? Oh, sure.”
Jisung sticks his bottom lip out, a strange habit he’d picked up when he was a kid. “What? What about us?”
“You can walk,” Chan tells him. He knows full well that Jisung had planned to walk with Felix and Seungmin to school today. He’s got his cane, so he would be fine even with himself, but a new place is still a challenge. The school had invited them in over the summer for him to familiarise himself, but Chan couldn’t blame him for being a little unsure.
“Tough luck,” Jeongin says. He takes Chan’s bowl when he stands up and brings them both over to the dishwasher. Chan had never been one to make them feel uncomfortable saying ‘thank you’, but they are teenage boys after all. And if their thanks comes from acts of kindness instead of verbal confirmation, then he’s not going to complain either. It’s a thanks, no matter what form it takes.
He smiles, nods, and then heads up the stairs with one eye on the time.
"Seungmin," he tries. He knocks on the door loud enough that there's no chance he'd be able to sleep through it. All the response he gets is a muffled groan; the realisation of someone that's just woken up that they've missed their alarm. "Are you up?"
Silence.
The only saving grace is that Chan knows exactly why Seungmin had slept through his alarm. He's been addicted to his computer for the past few years - playing some game that Chan really doesn't understand.
Some of the other kids are also into their games. Felix plays League of Legends, and is actually quite good at it. The rest also play, but a lot more unsuccessfully. Hyunjin’s gotten into simulation games in the past, and Minho is somewhat obsessed with a racing game on his phone. They’ve all learnt their lesson about disturbing him when he’s in the middle of a match.
Seungmin plays… minecraft. He’s been into it since the game first got popular, and never really stopped playing. He’s shown Chan what he's built since then, and most of it is actually incredibly impressive. If it makes him happy, then Chan can’t complain.
He can, however, have words about exactly how long he spends at that computer each day. And if he’s going on and playing when he’s supposed to be asleep? Well, that’s another problem altogether.
The only reason Chan doesn’t plan to ask him about it later that day is because it’s the first day of school. Instead, he makes a mental note to keep an eye out for any further incidents. He won’t be quite so forgiving if it happens again.
"… I’m awake,” Seungmin says, voice somewhat muffled but sounding a lot more awake than a few moments before. Chan nods to himself, and leaves him to get on with it. If the routine has already been shifted a little to the left, it’s sensible not to push him on anything else.
And he isn’t surprised when they make it all in one piece to the front door. He watches with an almost empty cup of coffee in his hands as they leave, either in groups or with headphones in and alone.
Jeongin sits beside him in silence. His mood seems to have completely changed from earlier in the morning by the time they pile into the car. The music from the radio doesn’t make him cheer up, not even when Chan flicks it to a trot channel that he usually loves. The other kids complain, and family democracy means something else is played instead.
They pull up a fair distance away. Chan’s well versed in the limits of what’s acceptable embarrassment. Maybe on a different day he’d roll forwards slightly. Jeongin had certainly been in the mood to play along earlier in the morning. Perhaps it would have cheered him up.
But… Chan had learnt when to bite his tongue.
It was the most difficult part of being a parent. Knowing when to step back and give a little space. The knowledge that there was nothing he could do to help sometimes still felt… foreign, on some days.
It had never been like this when they were little. Jeongin’s biggest concerns had been whether he could eat a bug before someone came and stopped him. Now, he sat in uncomfortable silence, and every moment Chan spent with him made it more obvious that he could only make it worse.
They were growing up. He didn’t need to be there to hold their hands the whole time.
Walking the line of knowing when to help made his stomach sink in freefall. Like the buzzing of static that he kept putting out of his mind - if he didn’t think about it, then it surely didn’t exist. He’d always been a little selfish, hadn’t he?
“Dad-”
He turns to look at Jeongin, and only a second later realises that he’d seemed too eager. Jeongin’s expression is unreadable - and since when had Chan no longer been able to recognise what that specific look in his eyes meant?
“What is it?”
Jeongin opens his mouth. His fingers tighten around his school bag, leaning slightly forwards as he pulls it closer into his body. He doesn’t keep the eye contact up for long, but instead glances back for a short second after it’s been broken.
He shakes his head. “Nothing.”
The bag is pulled closer. Jeongin threads an arm through both straps at the same time that he opens the door. He’s out of the car in an instant, the back of his head facing Chan, and the sound of the door closing seems much louder than it normally does.
He lifts a hand as a goodbye, but doesn’t look back. Chan is left alone in the car.
It takes five minutes after Jeongin has disappeared into the school for him to drive away.