Chapter Text
"I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked
Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke
Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down
Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town
Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now
It's brighter now.- Taylor Swift"
Penelope had gotten a lot of things wrong, so many Eloise felt she no longer knew the girl she had once called her best friend. The events that had transpired over the past two days ran through her mind non-stop. Her argument with Theo that had left her heart broken in pieces in a way she never thought was possible. Followed by her falling out with Penelope, which had been the most crushing of the two blows, one which Eloise never saw coming despite the signs having been there the entire time. Friendship apparently could be a very blinding thing. The combined events left her broken, a sobbing mess in the sanctuary of her room.
However, Pen did have one thing right: Eloise was a woman of all talk and no action. Something it was far past time to fix. The first thing she would need to do was patch things up with Theo. The printer's apprentice was ironically the only person she felt made sense in her life at present. He was the only person who had ever truly seen her, who wanted her around for who she was as a person, not out of familial familiarity, or gains be they financial or societal. Furthermore, she couldn't get him out of her mind. He was still the only person she wanted to talk to, the one she wanted to share her every thought with, and she could not bear the idea of never seeing him again. Theo Sharpe, for better or worse, was her best friend.
With that thought process in mind, Eloise Bridgerton now found herself pacing back and forth at the print shop entrance she now was well acquainted with, having spent so much time there over the past months. It was ironic, in a way, how her search for Lady Whistledown had led her to the location where she met Theo. Yet, it was that very same treacherous woman whose words had caused Eloise to lose him.
"Not if I have anything to say about it." She muttered to herself, voice laced with anger as she took a steadying breath, ready to walk through that door and do everything in her power to set things right.
"Anything to say about what?" A familiar voice called out from behind her. Eloise spun around to find herself face to face with none other than Theo Sharpe himself. He stood in the same spot she had become accustomed to finding him, standing in the open doorway to his place of employment. Theo looked doubtful, eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion, as though he was unsure she was actually there or more likely unsure why she was there. After all, they had both made it clear neither wished to see the other again after they last spoke. He took a few cautious steps toward her until the pair were within speaking distance.
Now in close proximity to the man, Eloise was able to get a good look at him; she could tell based on the dark circles under his eyes that he had not slept the night prior. She felt frozen under his gaze, lost in the hazel eyes staring down at her, filled with apprehension and regret. Emotions that matched her own exactly.
"I didn't expect to see you here again after last time." He finally spoke after a short period of silence that felt to the young woman as though it lasted hours.
"I owe you an apology, Mr. Sharpe." She echoed Theo's words from so many weeks ago. "An explanation. Certain subjects have been brought to my attention, and I know now that I was wrong; About a great many things. I only hope you can forgive me."
"It is I who owes you an apology; I said things I have regretted from the moment you walked out that door. I spoke out of hurt and pushed you away a second time." Theo took a slight step toward her placing a hand over his heart as he spoke in a display of utmost sincerity. "I have been at a loss, fearful that I would never see you again."
"And yet, here I am."
"Here you are." Theo gazed at her with his lopsided smile and soft eyes, the look that made her heartbeat quicken and her mind cloud momentarily. With apologies made, the tension in the air seemed to dissipate. The silence this time was one of comfort and familiarity, of the knowledge that whatever it was they shared had not been forever ruined in the heat of the moment.
"THEO!" A booming voice called out from inside the shop, snipping through the moment they shared and bringing the pair back to reality. A man whom Eloise assumed to be the establishment's owner based on the way Theo tensed at his arrival stepped outside. He looked from Theo to Eloise and back again, a smirk appearing on his lips. "I need you inside, say goodbye to your girlfriend and get back to work." The man tipped his head to Eloise and disappeared once again inside the shop.
"I should..."
"I understand."
"I... Could you..." Theo stammered uncharacteristically. "Would you be able to meet me back here tonight? So we can talk?"
"Of course." Eloise nodded in affirmation, her voice coming out quiet and breathy like the air had been knocked from her lungs at the knowledge that Theo did, in fact, want to see her again and so urgently.
"I'll see you later then." He beamed, dimpled smile in full force.
Eloise turned to leave but stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. A thought had occurred to her, and being an impulsive woman who rarely thought over her subsequent action, she turned back and strode up to Theo with all of the unearned confidence in the world; she placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. She then promptly ran back to her carriage, not stopping to see the firey blush spreading across Theo's cheeks or the way his hand had risen to touch the spot on his face where her lips had just been.
Theo would never say it aloud, but he was nervous. He'd cleaned the shop multiple times since his boss's departure in an attempt to keep his hands occupied. Eloise was coming; at least she had told him she would return that night. There was every chance in the world she would change her mind, realize she was better off without him in her life, and never return. He was unsure if he could handle that. After their last parting, he had been a wreck, penned multiple letters of apology before inevitably burning them all. He convinced himself it was for the best that she stay away.
That was before he'd seen her that afternoon. Eloise Bridgerton the beacon of bliss in his world, a bright glimmer of light against the mundanity of his life. She had seemed so upset, and he wondered what events could have unfolded since their last meeting to so upset the unshakable Eloise. His instinct had been to apologize on the spot, yet as always, she had beaten him to the punch. It didn't matter though; what did matter was that things seemed as though they would be alright between the pair. That was the only thing that mattered; anything else could be worked through as long as she was there. So long as she still showed up unannounced to brighten his days with her banter, opinions, and insightful chatter.
Then there had been that kiss, proof that she would never stop surprising him. It had lasted less than a second, but the feel of her soft lips on his skin, her scent of strawberries and tobacco filling his senses, had sealed his fate. There was no risk he wouldn't take, nothing he wouldn't do to keep Eloise Bridgerton in his life this time around. If Theo hadn't been sure before, and he had been reasonably certain, he knew now he was in love with that woman for better or much more likely worse.
Theo felt his heartbeat stutter momentarily as the bell above the door jingled, signaling someone had entered. Turning around, he released a breath he had been unaware he'd been holding upon the confirmation of Eloise standing in the shop's foyer. She had come. His shoulders relaxed, releasing the tension of anticipation of her arrival. Seeing her there, it felt as though nothing had happened the night prior.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to arrive. It turns out sneaking out of the house twice in one day is much easier promised than accomplished." Eloise chattered as she strode into the shop as though it were her own space. She crossed the foyer into his workspace and took a seat atop one of the few tables that wasn't covered in various bits of paper and other printing supplies. "I had to pay off one of my brothers to keep quiet about seeing me out."
"Will he keep it to himself?" Theo questioned, knowing just how precarious the situation was. He was fully aware of how much trouble the both of them would be in were anyone to find out about their meetings.
"Absolutely, Ben doesn't care. Honestly, it's more likely he just wanted an excuse to nick my last pack of cigarettes than out of genuine concern for my whereabouts. It's Anthony I need to worry about, but he's so wrapped up in his engagement that it is far easier than normal to sneak things past him... honestly, I should probably take advantage of his distracted attention while I can." Eloise laughed as she finished her statement. Theo didn't know that much about her family dynamic, a fact he made a mental note to rectify as he wanted to learn as much about her as possible.
"He sounds intense," Theo spoke as he moved to the coat hook in the corner of the small shop to hang his apron and retrieve his jacket.
"You have no idea. Anthony once tried to duel my sister's now-husband. Daphne, my sister, ended up riding out there at the crack of dawn with my brother Colin to stop them herself."
"How many siblings do you have?" Theo asked, reaching out for her hand to help her off the table. Help Eloise ignored, as always preferring to do things for herself. A trait he found endlessly endearing, though he had noticed she had stopped berating him anytime he offered assistance.
"Seven, four brothers and three sisters... Are we going somewhere?"
"I thought we might take a walk, a change of scenery." Theo felt suddenly self-conscious about the decision, an emotion that lessened at Eloise's following words.
"Why, Mr. Sharpe, is this a date." Eloise teased with a smirk as Theo held open the door for the pair.
"That depends. Is your brother going to try to duel me if it is?" He joked back at her as he locked up the shop from outside.
"Almost assuredly should he find out."
"Then we'll have to make sure he never finds out." Theo grinned as he held out a hand, indicating the direction they were headed.
The pair walked in silence for a while, side by side. Theo was acutely aware of the proximity of Eloise. She walked close enough that he could feel the radiating heat of her body, her hand hanging down by her side close enough to his own to touch should one of them reach out. Still, after last time he feared getting too close, of moving too fast lest he should frighten her away once again. It shouldn't have taken him by surprise, yet it did when she was the one to reach out and clasp his hand. A quick glance to look at her showed a furious blush on her face, one he knew better than to comment on, so he contented himself with lacing their fingers together, satisfied with the comfortable silence.
Eloise finally broke the stillness as they approached a small park. "There are some things I need to tell you. Important, life-altering things that have changed my perspective on my life as I once knew it." Her tone was serious in a way that told Theo it was best to keep quiet and let her speak.
"I found her." Eloise spat, voice full of a venom he had yet to hear from the woman in the months that he had known her.
"Whistledown?" Theo stopped in his tracks to stare at Eloise with wide-eyed full attention.
"Yes. I wish I hadn't, or I'm glad I did as now I know her true colors." She paused as her eyes went dark, her jaw shaking in anger. Once she began to speak again, it was as though the words were spilling out without her control. Like she had been holding onto this information for too long, and it was finally pouring out. She shared a story about the betrayal of a best friend. Years of lies that had finally come to a head the night prior. It was no wonder she had seemed so shaken earlier in the day. It was a lot for Theo to process, and he wasn't the one who had to live it.
During her spill of information, Eloise had begun to cry. Theo desperately wanted to wipe away her tears, envelop her in a hug, and assure her that all would be okay. He needed to show restraint, though and settled for squeezing their still clasped hands in a show of comfort. This seemed to be the right move as she continued to speak.
"I was a fool not to have seen it earlier."
"You couldn't have known Eloise." Theo finally spoke. "She was your friend; of course, you trusted her. That isn't a fault."
"I could have lost you from my life because of her. You are so important to me, Theo."" She stared at a tree branch above his head, refusing to meet his eyes as she uttered yet another of the near confessions of feelings they both were guilty of.
"But you didn't. I'm right here." Theo took their clasped hands and pulled them up to his chest to rest against his heart in the hope that the physical closeness would assure Eloise that he was there; he wasn't going anywhere, not again. That action seemed to be the final drop to cause an overflow of emotions brewing within Eloise to overflow. She lunged forward to hug him, her left hand still intertwined with his own pressed against his heart, her other clenching tightly at his shirt sleeve as she sobbed into his chest. Unshakable, Eloise, one of the strongest people he had ever known, a sobbing mess in his arms it, caught him by surprise, and his heart ached for her, for the pain she was enduring. The loss of someone once cherished.
"I think." She spoke as she pulled away from him, furiously wiping away her tears with both hands. Her voice was softer this time. "The worst part is that the last thing she said to me was partially correct. She told me my anger was born from jealousy, that she had built an empire. Meanwhile, all I ever do is talk about how I want things to change but never actually do anything to make that happen. I was... I am furious with her, not from jealousy, but that doesn't make it less true that I am all talk and no action."
"No," Theo replied, shocked that Eloise would ever consider such a notion. Offended that anyone would ever suggest such a thing. "Eloise, your friend."
"Former friend." The woman furiously interjected.
"Your former friend only spread gossip within a group of people who would have learned the majority of it anyway. Her only power was being the one to report it on a mass scale. She positioned herself to make it seem as though she had more power than she actually did. But you... I have watched you grow over the past months. You attend the rallies, you speak out on subjects that will change lives rather than ruin them. You are doing things that will make a real difference in this world."
Eloise seemed to be turning his words over in her mind, and he continued. "You correct my own writings every week. You have made me a better writer and helped spread our messages further and more coherently. You have made me think about things in a different light. It may not seem as though you've done anything when the results are not as immediate as Whistledown sees, but you are doing things. You are making a difference."
"So you finally admit it" She spoke after a long period of silence, during which Theo waited for her response with bated breath. "Your writing is incomprehensible and filled with holes without my help."
"Don't get used to it, Bridgerton." Theo laughed. With that, he felt a surge of confidence and reached out once again to hold her hand in his as they continued to walk.