Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Loki didn’t understand what he’d done wrong this time. He usually knew what it was that he was in trouble for, even when it wasn’t his fault. But he couldn’t remember anything that he could’ve done that would make Father this angry with him.

He remembered waking up, but not in his own bed. The golden glow of the force field was the first thing in his line of sight when he opened his eyes. Then a guard had come, several guards. They led him out of the cell - he was surprised to realize he had been sleeping in a dungeon cell - and up the stairs leading towards the antechamber, through the hallway towards the secondary throne room.

Loki knew these rooms from the maps of the palace; he’d never been allowed in them. It was so much darker than the main throne room, even with the firelight from the braziers and the sunlight shining through the lattice paneling, casting intricate patterns of shadow on the tiled floor.

Loki had been led down the center of the throne room, and he had meant to continue up the steps to stand directly in front of Father, but a couple of the guards had grabbed his arms and made him stop at the bottom of the steps.

Father had frowned, and Loki had thought it was because the guards had stopped him. They weren’t allowed to touch him; none of the Einerjar, attendants, or servants were allowed to touch the royal family without permission. But Father’s first words were not to express anger at the presumptuous guards.

“Thor expressly disobeys the commands of his King, frees you, steals the Aether, destroys his grandfather’s statue, and runs off to the Dark World, and when the Einherjar arrive what do they find but numerous dead Dark Elves and you - no Thor in sight. And you as a child, no less. What do you hope to gain by this Loki? Tell me what has become of your brother and the Aether.”

Loki was terribly confused by most of this; he had no memory of being freed from anywhere, and it sounded like Thor had been alarmingly reckless, whatever he’d been doing, while Loki was asleep. He wondered how long it was that he’d been asleep, and how he could possibly know where Thor was, but a few words caught his interest.

“Aether? Like that of the stories Mother tells us?”

Father’s face turned red and he stood abruptly, “Enough of your tricks Loki!” He spit.

Loki startled and stepped back, only to be pushed forward again by the two guards.

“Where is Thor and the Aether?” Odin demanded again.

Loki could only guess about the Aether, but surely Father could find Thor. He swallowed and hesitantly looked up at Odin, “I was asleep; I don’t know what has happened to Thor or the Aether. Wouldn’t Heimdall be able to tell you?”

“Heimdall has committed treason and refuses to reveal Thor’s location.” Odin fumed.

Heimdall has committed treason? Heimdall? Loki stared up at his Father in alarm and confusion. How long was I asleep? Things had changed so drastically from what he last remembered.

Mother has a scrying pool, Loki thought, maybe she can find Thor. “Perhaps Mother could-“

Loki’s words were cut off with a growl from his father who had descended halfway down the steps, pointing threateningly at him. The expression on his face was so frightening Loki felt tears forming in his eyes.

“Listen here boy! I have no time for your games. For all we know, Thor has lost the Aether to our enemies, and you have had a hand in it. For the sake of Asgard you will tell me what you know of the matter. Do not think for one moment,” he added darkly, “that hiding in the form of a child, like a coward, will allow you to keep this information from me. Frigga is no longer here to speak for you.”

Father had never raised a hand to him, that he could recall, but something in his tone made Loki shudder, and he shrank back against one of the guards. Several of the Einerjar behind him shuffled uncomfortably. They aren’t supposed to shuffle, they’re supposed to stand still as statues.

It occurred to Loki, distantly, that it was strange for his father to refer to Mother as Frigga when speaking to him. He vaguely recalled a time, just over a century ago, when he first thought to ask what his parents’ names were. Mother had always been “Mother” or “your mother,” and he had thought that “Frigga” and “Odin” were titles just like “Allmother” and “Allfather.” Thor had laughed at him when Loki had admitted he didn’t know.

What does Father mean Mother isn’t here? Where has she gone? With everything that seemed to have occurred, Loki thought that someone would have sent for her.

Loki took a deep breath and stepped forward again, trying not to let his voice tremble. He didn’t understand what Father meant about hiding in the form of a child, but he wasn’t cowardly. “I understand your concerns, Father, but I can only guess that Thor must have been abducted by whoever it was who slayed the Dark Elves you mentioned, and the Aether must be with them as well. If Heimdall will not reveal what he knows, we should send for Mother- she may be able to track their whereabouts.”

“Frigga is dead!” Odin shouted.

His voice rang through the vast chamber, and everything seemed to shake with that terrible pronouncement.

Dead.

Loki’s head whirled with the shock of it. But Mother was alive - she had talked to him in the cell just days ago.

No. That wasn’t right; he’d been asleep in the cell before the guards brought him to the throne room. When did he speak to his mother in the cell? Yes, it was days ago. But how...?

“I don’t... understand...” Loki murmured.

“Frigga died, as you very well know, when the Dark Elves attacked Asgard in search of the Aether.” Father stated tensely through gritted teeth.

Loki did know this, but it didn’t make sense how he knew it. He remembered screaming, and a sharp pain in his foot. He remembered a blast of green light and everything being thrown against the walls of the cell. But that wasn’t right. He couldn’t use magic like that yet. He felt guilty suddenly and tears blurred his vision as he looked up at his father’s scowling face.

Why did he feel guilty? Is this why Father is angry at me? Did I have something to do with this? He said I had a hand in this. What happened?

He couldn’t bring himself to ask any of these questions, the sudden influx of half-remembered grief and guilt overwhelmed him and he squatted down on the floor, sobbing into his arms.

The Einerjar standing nearest Loki hesitated, unsure of how to manage a crying child who was supposed to be a prisoner, one who had also been their prince - well known for scheming. But tears were not known as one of the tricks he employed, it would have been an embarrassment. If this was a new trick to gain sympathy, it certainly was convincing.

Odin sat down heavily on one of the steps. He never could bear tears, and suddenly found himself exhausted and overwhelmed with his own emotions regarding Frigga.

Loki’s wailing echoed off the walls of the throne room, ringing in everyone’s ears. The sound wasn’t loud, but it pained them to hear it. The Queen was dead, the King mourning, the city half in ruins, their gatekeeper and elite warriors - traitors. One prince was missing, the other a small child sobbing in a ball on the floor of the throne room. A dangerous weapon potentially lost to their enemies. They had witnessed tendrils of the Aether reaching towards the Bifrost and had no explanation for it; threat was imminent, as far as any of them could tell. The situation seemed hopeless.

No one said anything as the sobs continued to drift through the chamber.

“What’s this?” A voice rang from the entryway.

Several Einherjar turned and gasped, breaking protocol yet again.

“How...” the voice faltered.

Something in the voice was familiar to Loki and he raised his head and twisted to look at the entrant who had paused in the middle of the long room.

The man was tall - taller than Father. He was wearing a red cape, and he had shoulder-length blond hair and a beard. Loki blinked trying to clear his vision from the tears.

The man took a hesitant step forward and then paused shaking his head in apparent disbelief. He was breathing heavily, though he didn’t appear to have been running. He stepped forward again and Loki couldn’t understand the expression on his face, but he looked pained.

And then the man said his name, “Loki?”

Even deep and aged as it was Loki knew that voice.

Loki gave a trembling gasp and clambered to his feet, rushing past the stunned Einerjar, away from his father.

“Thor!” He sobbed.

Thor strode forward and dropped to his knees, and Loki flung himself into his arms.

——

Thor couldn’t believe what any of his senses were telling him. He had entered the throne room to what sounded like the sobs of a young child, remarkable in itself because this was the throne room dedicated to serious matters and for passing judgments. Children were not allowed here. Then his gaze had fallen on the child in question, and when they turned to look at him the child’s eyes were bright green and brimming with tears, and so familiar. Thor had thought for a moment that it might be an apparition, but now the child was here in his arms, sobbing, with his face buried in Thor’s hair. This child couldn’t be the very same person he’d held in his arms and cried over a few days ago. That person had died. His body was lying grey and torn and lifeless on Svartlheim. But… Thor took a steadying breath; this was unmistakably Loki.

Thor gazed at their father, still seated on the steps, looking worn. “How is this possible?”

Odin blinked wearily, “how is what possible?”

Thor thought it was obvious what he was referring to, “Loki.”

Odin frowned.

“Loki died on Svartlheim, impaled by the Kursed while defending me.” Thor laid a hand on the head of this smaller Loki who was very much alive and in his arms. “He killed the Dark Elves and protected Jane while-”

“And what of the Aether?” Demanded Odin, rising.

“We kept it out of our enemy’s hands. Malekith and his forces were destroyed. There is no longer any threat to Asgard.”

“Where is it?” Odin demanded again, more sharply.

Thor hesitated, looking down at Loki whose sobs had quieted, but who was very clearly still crying. Thor tried to appear as if he was only attending to his brother, rather than considering whether he should tell their father the truth.

The Aether could not remain on Asgard to draw the eyes of more of Asgard’s enemies. It was unclear, however, if his father would agree. No, that was untrue, Odin had made it clear that he would risk Asgardian lives if it meant keeping the Aether in his possession. That was, after all, the reason Thor and his friends had committed treason to bring it off-world. If he were aware the Aether remained, Odin would demand it be stored on Asgard.

“The Aether was destroyed along with Malekith. For certain this time. Asgard need not fear it falling into the hands of our enemies.” Thor looked up then, gaze steady. That last part was true; he tried to convey that truth in his expression. The Aether was safe, and Asgard was safer without it.

Odin held his gaze for a moment then looked away and gazed quietly out the paneling at the ruined city. He then moved to resume his seat on the throne, nodding. “Then,” he said tiredly, “Asgard may rest easy.”

The relief in the air was palpable.

Thor sighed silently, looking back down at his brother. There was an advantage to not being considered a talented liar. He had rarely felt the need to lie to anyone, and he could count on one hand the number of times he’d attempted to lie to their father in the millennia he’d been alive. He wasn’t practiced at it, which meant that his words weren’t automatically viewed with suspicion, and he could manage a convincing lie when necessary. Provided he wasn’t asked to elaborate.

Thor thought it best to redirect the conversation away from the Aether and back to the tearful child in his arms. “How is it that Loki is here? I left his body on Svartlheim to pursue Malekith - I had intended to go retrieve it when everything was over. How is he here? And as a child?”

Odin’s mouth stretched into a bemused line and he silently waved at one of the Einerjar.

The man stepped forward, his back straight, addressing Thor. “My liege, his Highness the King commanded I search for you on the Dark World. When I arrived, I discovered the bodies of numerous Dark Elves and some distance from them, the Pri…” the guard glanced at Odin, seemingly unsure of the proper form of address, but seeing no reaction from the King, he continued, “Prince Loki. He was unconscious, with no visible injuries, and in the form you see now. I conveyed him to my ship and returned him to Asgard. He has been unconscious in his cell since just shortly before you arrived.” The guard stepped back into line with the other Einerjar.

Thor stared at the guard, then at his father, mouth ajar. None of this explained how Loki was alive. “But how? The injury he sustained was twice as wide…”he swallowed, “…as Mother’s - it went straight through him. He should not have survived it.”

“Why don’t you ask him?” Odin said flatly. “If you can manage to get a straight answer, for once.”

Thor felt Loki’s little hands clasp tighter at the back of his neck. “Loki?” Thor tried, keeping his voice low.

There was nothing more than a sniffle in response.

“Loki,” Thor tried again, “what is this? How did you survive? I saw you die.”

Again, Loki did not answer.

“Loki, look at me,” Thor moved to pull Loki’s arms from around his neck.

“No!” Loki whined, latching on tighter.

Thor’s eyes widened and he stared forward, not knowing what to do.

Odin was losing his patience. “It matters not how Loki survived, in all likelihood it was a ruse to avoid battle and you, my boy, fell for it. Now he’s here playing games and refusing to give any explanation.”

Thor gaped at Odin, “No, Father, it was not a ruse. Loki did die, I saw it, I felt it. He could not have faked that - I’m sure of it.”

“And yet here he is.”

Thor blinked and looked down. He closed his eyes and took a few calming breaths, feeling angry at the implication that he couldn’t tell the difference between a living person and a corpse. He’d been in battle countless times, and killed thousands himself. He knew what death looked like. …But what if it was all a trick?

He reached up and took Loki’s arms firmly in his hands, ignoring his protests, pulling away so he could see his brother. He frowned down at him, studying his face.

Loki was so young. He looked the same as he had roughly seven or eight hundred years ago. His face was softer and rounder, his eyes a more saturated green, still light but not as fair and glassy as the last time Thor had seen them a few days ago. His cheeks were wet with tears, nose running. It was hard to believe the Loki he’d known in recent years, or even in the last several centuries, would allow himself to be seen like this, at least, not as part of some scheme. Loki had cast illusions pretending to be others, but it had been years since Loki had truly shape shifted, especially not into a weaker form. He had barely even started learning magic at this age. And as an adult, or even as a child, Loki hadn’t purposefully used tears to elicit sympathy - he’d been mocked enough for crying as a child that Thor had rarely, if ever, seen him display a strong emotion, genuine or otherwise, in the company of strangers. Not for centuries. Not since he was around the age he currently appeared to be.

His brother was examining Thor’s face as well, eyes wide, scanning. His mouth twisted suddenly in apparent disapproval. Ignoring the expression for now, Thor tried again.

“Loki, do you remember any of what happened after I freed you from your cell?”

Loki’s eyes widened but he shook his head in the negative.

“You don’t remember Svartlheim? The Dark World?”

Loki shook his head again.

Thor glanced up at Odin, and back to Loki.

“Do you remember what happened on Earth,” at Loki’s confused expression Thor corrected himself, “Do you remember being on Midgard?”

Loki scrunched his nose in distaste, “Why would I go to Midgard?”

Odin scoffed from his throne and Loki flinched almost imperceptibly, Thor wouldn’t have noticed if his hands hadn’t been gripping Loki’s arms. Thor narrowed his eyes, but continued his line of questioning, “What do you remember?”

Loki took a deep breath, pausing for so long that Thor thought he wouldn’t answer.

“I remember being in the cell, and hurting my foot,” Loki offered, “and…” his eyes started welling with tears again, and he shook his head, “and I know I talked to Mother in the cell before that, but I don-”

Another scoff came from Odin’s direction, “Enough of these lies. It was part of your sentence that you never see Frigga again, or do you not remember that either?”

Loki turned his head, and Thor loosened his grip so that he could turn the rest of the way to look at Odin. “My sentence?”

Thor rose to his feet, “Mother did speak with Loki, Father, she used magic to check on him in his cell; Loki isn’t lying.”

Odin visibly reddened and clenched his fists. “Is there no one in this realm who is not traitorous,” he murmured.

Thor gritted his teeth. To call Mother a traitor for speaking to her son was too much. Thor looked down at Loki, who was in the process of wiping his nose on his sleeve and hurriedly trying to dry his tears, and he felt a pang of guilt. Odin had technically not forbidden him from speaking to his brother over the past year - he hadn’t needed to forbid it, Thor had been so angry with Loki. He had been relieved to be sent away for much of the year, trying to restore peace in the Nine Realms - it had given him a reason not to think about all that had passed. But when he’d returned, it had been more difficult. He should have gone to him. He had been trying to keep these thoughts from his mind over the past few days. If it wasn’t for Loki somehow miraculously being alive…

“Father,” Loki began.

Thor stilled in surprise. Loki had adamantly refused to call Odin “Father” since he had reappeared on Earth.

Odin turned his gaze upon Loki, fists still clenched, expression blank.

Loki continued, sincerity ringing in his young voice, “If there is any thing I have said or done to anger you, I apologize for it. It must have been a very grave offense to warrant being imprisoned. And-“ his breathing deepened and he looked like he was trying to fight off more tears, “if what I did led to Mother’s death in some way I will gladly accept punishment. Only, please tell me what I did wrong.”

Odin and Thor both reacted at the same time, but whereas Thor’s response was alarm at Loki thinking he’d had a hand in their mother’s death, Odin merely laughed, in the same mocking tone as he had when Thor had confronted him the other day.

Odin leaned forward, “I grow tired of this feigned innocence Loki. You have yet to convince me that these lapses in memory are anything but a lie. We are all aware, as well, of your talent for shape shifting so this routine will get you nowhere.”

Loki and Thor both stared at their father in shock.

“As for accepting your punishment, your presence is no longer required, as Thor has returned and the matter of the Dark Elves and Aether has been settled.” He waved a hand, calling the Einerjar forward, “return Loki to his cell.”

“You cannot be serious!” Thor gasped, shooting a warning look at the guards. He put one hand on Loki’s head, the other reaching for Mjolnir, and shifted slightly to stand between Loki and them.

“You’ll find that I am.” Odin drolled.

“Father,” Thor shook his head in disbelief at Odin’s dismissive tone, “Loki saved my life on Svartlheim, he was instrumental in ensuring our victory over the Dark Elves, and whether you believe he truly died or not he fought with honor. Surely all of this warrants some clemency, at least, if not a full pardon.”

“He was already granted clemency by being allowed to live out the remainder of his life in the dungeon, I should think that was enough.”

“We can not keep a child in the dungeon!”

“If you have some means of forcing Loki to change back, feel free to share this knowledge. In the meantime, we can hardly be expected to let him roam free on Asgard.” Odin waved the Einerjar forward again.

Thor glared at them and held up Mjolnir threateningly.

He had told Loki before that he would let him avenge Mother and then return him to his cell, but the situation had changed. Thor believed Loki had truly died saving his life, and that he wasn’t simply pretending to be a child now. For all that he had distrusted Loki he had proven himself trustworthy. Thor didn’t understand, but he believed his brother.

He glanced down at Loki - so small he didn’t even reach Thor’s hip in height. Loki was staring at their Father, devastated. The expression reminded Thor of a brief moment when he’d confronted Loki on Stark’s tower, and of Loki in the cell after Mother died, and when they had fought on the Bifrost. Thor felt the weight of certainty settle in his stomach. It didn’t matter how it had happened; his brother was alive. And though he had done things in the past, he could hardly be held accountable for them - not in this state. Not after he’d already redeemed himself in Thor’s eyes.

“I won’t let you take him.”

“Where would you have me keep him, if not in a cell?”

“With me.”

“With you?” Odin’s eye narrowed.

Thor pulled Loki closer to his side, throwing another look at the Einerjar, “I will take Loki back to Earth with me.”

Odin laughed again humorlessly, “The people of Midgard have enough problems of their own without you returning with their would-be conqueror.”

Loki gasped quietly at this.

“Nevertheless, Loki will return with me.” Thor stated resolutely.

Odin seemed to consider his options, “And what will you do when Loki inevitably betrays you and wreaks further devastation?”

His hand was still rested protectively on top of Loki’s head and Thor felt it shift as Loki looked up at him. Thor held his father’s gaze, “Earth has S.H.I.E.L.D., The Avengers and myself; if that happens Loki will answer for it.” It seemed unlikely. If Loki had intended to betray him, he’d had ample opportunity within the past few days.

“You would shirk your responsibilities to Asgard for this?”

“No, Father, if Asgard and the rest of the Nine require me, I fully intend to come to their aid, but they are at peace for the time being. And as you do not trust Loki to roam free on Asgard, and he is too young to be left alone, returning to Earth with him is the only option with which I am comfortable.”

“It seems my legacy is to be perpetual cycles of short-lived peace followed by destruction.” Odin leaned back on the throne, peering down at Thor, looking exhausted. “I cannot give you my blessing, but seeing as how you are so determined, I will not stop you.”

Thor exhaled in relief. “You have my word, there will be no more destruction.”

“We shall see,” Odin replied. He waved his hand dismissively.

“Thank you, Father,” Thor bowed his head, not feeling particularly grateful - rather more disillusioned and outraged than anything. He nudged Loki towards the entrance and turned to leave.

It took him a second to realize Loki wasn’t following, and he looked back.

Loki stood looking uncertainly between Thor and their father. Odin’s face was unreadable, but displeasure seemed to radiate off him.

Thor gritted his teeth and held out his hand, “Come on, brother.”

Loki took a few steps towards Thor, still looking back at Odin, and then turned to follow. After a few steps it was clear Loki was struggling to match Thor’s strides. He slowed, and then stopped, glancing back at Odin and the Einerjar. “Here,” he said quietly, and stooped to hoist Loki into his arms. Then Thor strode quickly out of the throne room. He couldn’t bear to be in his father’s presence another minute.

Chapter Text

Before leaving Asgard, Thor had made a brief stop by his room to gather a few essentials - he’d meant to go by Loki’s room as well, but remembered that it had been cleared of personal items. It had been intended that Loki spend the remainder of his life in the dungeon, so there had apparently been no reason to let his things gather dust. Thor imagined their mother might have squirreled away many of the more sentimental items. Or perhaps Loki had already stored them in his now-inaccessible pocket dimension long ago. In either case, there was nothing to pack for Loki.

By the time Thor and Loki made it to the Bifrost, the Einerjar who had been guarding Heimdall when Thor had arrived home earlier had left. Heimdall was not the only person capable of opening the Bifrost, but he was the only person with his unique gift of sight, which made him practically indispensable as Asgard’s gatekeeper and guardian, the most recent invasion notwithstanding. Odin had little choice but to pardon him and let him remain at his post. Thor had considered this with some smug satisfaction as he’d greeted Heimdall and asked to be returned to Earth. Heimdall had nodded stoically, murmured a quick aside that Sif and Volstag were doing well and would make their way back when it was clear that it was safe to do so, and opened the Bifrost. He’d made no comment on the new, smaller version of Loki clinging to Thor, having already seen what had passed in the throne room.

Upon arrival on Earth, Thor had hesitated. Two days ago he had left Jane with the promise that he would return once the matters of the Aether and his treasonous actions were resolved. He hadn’t known how much time that would require. It had been clear that Jane would want him to return to her as soon as he was able. But… upon Jane and Loki’s first meeting, she had made her dislike of Loki known. He doubted she would have the same reaction this time around, but he didn’t want to show up unannounced with Loki in his current bereft state.

So Thor had spent the last hour or so sitting on a park bench, bag at his feet, Mjolnir beside him, Loki in his arms, pointedly ignoring the stares of passing strangers, trying to think of the next best course of action.

It was now nearing midday.

After the first half hour of quietly sitting and pondering, Thor had begun to grow worried. Loki’s arms were still wound around Thor’s neck, he hadn’t let go since they’d left the throne room, except for briefly, when Thor had put him down to pack. Thor had begun to wonder what exactly it was that Odin had said before he’d arrived to find Loki sobbing on the floor. But when Thor tried to broach the topic, Loki had - quite characteristically, but with significantly less subtlety than his older self - changed the subject.

Loki was now recounting all he had heard from both Odin and Thor regarding the Aether and questioning the validity of Thor’s claims to have destroyed it and thus kept it out of their enemy’s hands. Where had Thor been if all this had occurred on the Dark World, but he had not been there when Loki was discovered unconscious? And why he would need to pursue Malekith to Midgard, and so on. Over the centuries Thor had grown accustomed to Loki picking apart the flaws in his logic, but to have Loki do so with the unassuming voice of a child while he was latched onto him, face buried in his tear-dampened hair… it was disconcerting.

Thor had tried to answer as best he could without clearly explaining what had taken place or revealing that the Aether was intact and had been hidden.

“For an adult you’re not a very good liar,” Loki said quietly. Rather than snide or condescending, he sounded forlorn and tired.

The tone made Thor’s heart ache. Thor grunted, “Father seemed convinced.”

“Hmmm,” Loki sounded un convinced.

“If he thought I had lied about the Aether he would never have let me leave Asgard with you; he would have continued to question me, just as you’re doing now.”

“I suppose,” Loki responded. He lapsed into silence, letting the matter drop.

Another group of onlookers stopped nearby, chattering excitedly and pointing at them with their little rectangular “cell phones.” It was much the same as it used to be on Asgard, Thor supposed, but it made him uncomfortable to be gawked at so openly, especially when he was very obviously holding a miserable child.

“I thought you said we were going to Midgard,” Loki sniffled.

“This is Midgard, Loki.”

Loki pulled back, eyes wide, and gazed around at the street lights, vehicles, and gathered tourists with their strange technology. “Since when?”

“It’s been Midgard forever, though much of what you see of technological developments has only occurred within the last few decades.”

Loki gaped, looking around again.

Thor leaned down and awkwardly picked up his bag from the ground. Setting it on the bench he rummaged inside with one hand, pulling out a cloth and handing it to Loki so he could wipe his nose.

The natural clouds rolled by in the sky overhead. It did not feel terribly cold to Thor, but this time of year was chillier. The mortals walking by all wore coats and boots and other layers of clothing to keep warm. Thor realized with chagrin that he’d left his cloak on Asgard. And of course Loki… well, perhaps they’d sat in the park long enough.

“We’re going to see Jane Foster, she’s a friend of mine,” Thor stated as Loki folded the cloth Thor had handed him and held it to his face with both hands, almost as if he were trying to block out the light. “Do you remember Jane Foster?”

Loki shook his head, face still buried in the cloth.

Thor inhaled, it was unnerving seeing Loki acting like this. The last time Thor had seen him quite like this, Thor had been a child too and it hadn’t seemed childish. He smiled wryly imagining the Loki of a few days ago doing the same thing.

“Well, she is nice,” Thor continued. Assuring himself that she would be nice to Loki. I do not think slapping is her typical form of greeting, and she already did it once. Although, she had slapped him twice... “She is a very gifted scientist.”

Loki hummed, sounding doubtful, and handed the cloth back to Thor who put it in his bag.

Thor shifted and Loki moved to stand on the ground while Thor put the bag over his shoulder so the strap lay diagonally across his chest. He moved to pick Loki up again.

“You don’t have to carry me, I can walk,” Loki said holding his head proudly in such a way that hinted at embarrassment.

“I do have to carry you; we’re flying there.”

There was a pause as Loki considered this,“...Right.” Loki blinked, looking down.

Thor smiled and picked Loki up, resting him so the bag acted as a seat, but keeping his arm firmly around him, just in case.

Jane’s apartment was only a short distance away so it didn’t take more than a few minutes to arrive. Thor landed on the balcony and felt his mood lift when Jane rushed out to greet him.

“I saw the light from the Bifrost over an hour ago,” she exclaimed, smiling in relief, “I was starting to think you’d gotten lost and I’d have to search -“ her voice cut off and she blinked at Loki. “Who’s this?”

Thor smiled hesitantly, “My brother, Loki.”

“Wha-“ Jane gaped at him. “How many brothers named Loki do you have?”

“Just the one,” Thor replied quietly, his arm tightening around Loki’s small shoulders.

Jane’s eyes widened as she glanced between Thor and Loki.

Thor looked down at his brother, “Loki, this is Jane Foster.”

Loki nodded at her in greeting, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

——

“So he just let you leave, like that? He didn’t grill you about the Aether?” Jane asked from her place at the counter.

After Jane’s initial astonishment she had led them indoors and they had taken seats at the small, round dining table. Jane had awkwardly offered to make them lunch, which they’d both declined, saying they weren’t hungry. Thor had explained the situation to the best of his ability, clumsily brushing past the sobbing, and his own anger at his father, and his father’s distrust of Loki. It didn’t take long to explain, seeing as that was about half of what had occurred.

Despite Thor’s efforts to be tactful, Loki seemed to wilt in his seat with every attempt Thor made to avoid the unsavory half of the topics. He stared blankly at the table looking smaller by the minute - or perhaps it was only Thor’s imagination, but he was very small, his head and shoulders just barely passed the tabletop.

Partway through his retelling Jane had abruptly stood and begun cutting fruit into small pieces. She now placed a plate of chopped apple, orange, and another unfamiliar fruit on the table in front of them. Thor thanked her and pushed the plate toward Loki. “Eat.”

Without looking up, Loki silently took a piece of apple and held it up to his mouth, barely even nibbling at it.

Jane and Thor shared a worried look before continuing their conversation.

“When my father inquired about the Aether I told him it had been destroyed along with Malekith. He had no reason to doubt my word.” Thor glanced at Loki.

Jane sat down, “Ok, well that’s good then. So...” she glanced between Thor and Loki, “how long can you stay?”

The question gave Thor pause. He had not exactly put much thought into leaving Asgard, aside from packing the few things from his room, but the way they had left... Odin had made it clear that Loki wouldn’t be allowed to remain on Asgard unless he returned to his cell. And Thor couldn’t simply abandon Loki in his current state. It was only just now occurring to Thor that he had no idea how long this would last. He didn’t know what magic was at play to have changed Loki - was it a temporary spell where he would suddenly find his brother returned to his full stature, memory restored, or would Loki age at a natural Aesir rate over centuries? Thor looked at his brother who was now peering up at him, head still lowered, apple held to his lips.

The pause lengthened as the gravity of the situation began to sink in.

“Thor?” Jane prompted.

Thor cleared his throat and reached for a piece of fruit, smiling, “It was my intent to stay on Earth indefinitely.” He tossed the fruit into his mouth and grimaced.

“You ok?”

“I am unaccustomed to this taste.” Thor said behind his hand, not yet having swallowed the piece of fruit, but not wanting to be rude and spit it out if it hadn’t gone bad. It was very mild and mushy.

Jane tasted a piece of the pale yellow fruit, “it seems all right… I’m sorry, do you guys not have bananas on Asgard?”

“That is what you call this? Ban…?”

“Ba-na-na.” Jane sounded out, seeming amused.

Content with the knowledge that the fruit was safe and apparently not rotten, Thor swallowed. “Banana,” he repeated. Jane’s smile widened, and Thor offered up a smile in response, glad for a little levity.

Loki placed his uneaten piece of apple back on the plate. “May I be excused?”

Thor and Jane looked at him. It was a small apartment they were in; Thor wasn’t sure to whence Loki intended to be excused.

“Do you need the bathroom?” Jane asked.

Loki stared at her.

“Or - Do you - Does he-“ Jane stammered and redirected her gaze to Thor, “Does he… need a nap? Kids take naps in the afternoon, right?”

Thor glanced back at Loki who looked indignantly up at Jane, but before Thor could think of how to respond, Loki’s expression cleared and he nodded.

Jane stood. “Ok, yeah, I’m sure you must be tired after, well- you know.” She glanced at Thor.

After dying,  Thor thought. Crying intermittently for over an hour probably did not help much either. He’d left that part out of his recount of the morning’s events, but looking at Loki’s face, Jane had undoubtedly noticed.

Loki slid from his chair. He did look very tired. Thor was glad Jane had thought of a nap. He stood to follow them.

Jane led them to her room and adjusted her bedding, fluffing the pillow a bit, pulling at the blankets to straighten them, and then standing back and motioning awkwardly at Loki, “There you go.”

Loki thanked her before pulling himself up onto the bed.

Thor lingered by the door as Jane made her way out.

Loki had settled himself underneath a blanket, not having yet lain down. He looked up at Thor, and Thor couldn’t read his expression.

“All right...well then,” Thor said, “I shall be just outside if you need me.”

Loki nodded.

Thor closed the door, leaving it open just a crack. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt wrong to shut it completely.

He went to join Jane again in the kitchen, rubbing his hands together anxiously.

“Is this as strange for you as it is for me or are you used to this sort of thing?” She asked.

“The altered form is not particularly strange, though it has been a while, and that was never quite like this - Loki rarely takes on weaker forms unless it is for stealth or flight or some such skill, none of which he could manage as a child. The loss of memory is strange though - he seems not to remember what has occurred within the past couple years, aside from a more recent memory of our mother. I did not get the opportunity to question him further.”

Thor shook his head. Loki hadn’t appeared to remember his disdain of Father, nor that he’d been on Earth. He had acted surprised about Earth’s advancements, of which he would’ve been aware, even discounting his visit the other year. He did not even appear to know what a bathroom was, if Thor had read his expression clearly.

Thor sighed in frustration. “Loki is known as a highly gifted mage on Asgard. The most gifted, some might say. Often I would go to him for help in matters concerning magic...” he looked at the nibbled apple piece on the plate. “I can’t consult him if he cannot remember.”

“There’s no one else you can ask? Someone who might give you an idea of what’s going on?”

“No... none I would trust.”

“And, well… it seems pretty real to me, but… you’re sure Loki isn’t pretending just to get out of being locked up again?”

Their conversation from Svartlheim flashed through Thor’s mind:

“Still don’t trust me, brother?” Loki had smirked as if he’d already known the answer. Thor hadn’t even known at that point. “Would you?” had been all he could manage. He hadn’t been sure if he could still trust Loki, but he had hoped.

Despite having told Loki otherwise, there was always hope. He couldn’t help it.

Thor thought of Loki caught midair as a miniature Black Hole nearly consumed him, of Loki shaking in his arms, turning ashen as life drained from his body, of Loki’s small frame sobbing on the throne room floor, of Loki bravely wiping his tears and asking Father for merely an explanation before being willingly returned to his cell.

Thor nodded in response to Jane’s question. Loki had proven him right in hoping. He had shown he was still trustworthy, and his brother had yet to do anything to make him doubt.

——

Loki was not napping. The very idea was ridiculous. He had gotten the sense long ago that one was only put down for a nap in order that the adults might enjoy some peace and quiet, or worse do all manner of fun things that they didn’t deign their children fit for. Or worse still, the adults were discussing topics they did not wish their children to overhear, which in Loki’s experience meant they were likely either discussing Thor or himself. Upon making this discovery, Loki had refused to actually sleep during his naps. Instead he would pretend to have slept only to “awake” early and rejoin the adults before they could do anything without him. They rarely seemed pleased.

Loki was surprised Thor had not remembered this, but then, Thor would often spend his nap times doing what they were meant to be doing, so perhaps he hadn’t noticed.

Loki lay on his side with his back to the door, glad that Thor had thought to leave it open just enough for him to hear. He had wanted to be excused because it had been tiring listening to Thor’s attempts to avoid mentioning him, especially when his, apparently unexpected, state was clearly the topic of greatest interest to Thor’s mortal friend.

His desire to be excused was not, as Jane Foster believed, because he was a sleepy infant in need of a nap. He refused to admit to being even the slightest bit tired. Loki had agreed to a nap merely on the basis that it might give him the opportunity to listen to what the adults really wanted to say. It also meant that he wouldn’t have Thor scrutinizing his reactions every other sentence.

It pleased him to hear Thor reiterate what he’d heard from Father in the throne room - that this grown-up self of his had become highly skilled in magic and shapeshifting. It sounded like he’d learned rather a lot; currently he had only managed to shift into forms that closely resembled the Aesir, nothing quadrupedal or with wings. He tried not to think about the context in which his father had referred to those skills. Thor had said he often went to Loki for advice on magic, and he latched onto that more pleasant thought.

And Mother must be so proud; I’ve been try- he abruptly remembered he’d never get the chance to know whether she was proud of him or not.

Loki took a few breaths and stared at the items on the small wooden table beside the bed to distract himself. One of the items was a book which appeared to be about Quantum Theory and Dark Matter - a far more advanced area of study than he would have expected. Thor’s claims that Jane was a gifted scientist might have some merit.

In his attempt to avoid thinking about their mother Loki nearly missed Jane Foster’s question of whether Thor thought he was pretending in an attempt to avoid punishment.

Of course Thor believes me, Loki thought. He was the only one defending me. He said I’d saved him. Even if no one else believed him Thor would. Loki had never given Thor any reason to doubt him. Thor must know that if he were up to something Thor would’ve been the first to know. They had always been a team, equal participants in any mischief they got into. Surely that hadn’t changed.

But the longer he waited for Thor’s response, the less certain he became.

Loki strained to hear. Had Thor answered silently or was he still considering his answer? What was there to consider? Based on this and Thor’s previous comments to Father, it seemed to Loki that whatever his grown self had done - if he’d done anything, he’d had to act too quickly to explain anything to Thor.

But even so, not being able to explain his actions couldn’t be enough to make Thor doubt him, could it?

If only he could remember. He wondered if his grownup self had intended to return to his childhood self or if he’d botched the spell. Loki wished he hadn’t attempted it either way. Now he was in this uncomfortable situation where no one was treating him as they used to and he couldn’t remember why or whether this behavior was justified.

He remembered the inexplicable guilt that had overwhelmed him in the throne room when he’d heard about Mother again, and he felt a dread creep in at the thought that their behavior may be justified and that he might truly have done something terrible.

Jane was speaking again; she was in the middle of asking Thor how he could be sure of whatever opinion it was that Thor had silently indicated when someone called out from the entryway to the apartment.

“Hey! Thor! You’re back! Just couldn’t stay away huh?” There was a shuffling as the person made their way further into the apartment, “I’m guessing you worked out the treason thing with your dad? That was quick.”

“I…don’t think I actually got around to addressing that directly,” Thor sounded mildly embarrassed, “though I assume since Heimdall was pardoned I must be as well. Another matter arose, which made the rest of it seem irrelevant.”

“What would make treason irrelevant?” The unnamed person asked. “Are more alien invaders coming?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

“And can you keep it down?” Jane requested in a hushed tone.

“Why?”

“Loki is taking a nap,” Jane said. Her tone was odd, perhaps embarrassed or disbelieving, if Loki were to guess.

“Loki your brother? Didn’t you say he - you know.”

“Yes, apparently I was wrong,” Thor said seriously, “it would not be the first time.”

Loki smiled a bit at this. Yes, Thor was often wrong about many things. It was funny hearing him admit it so openly - a sign of maturity perhaps?

“Where is he?”

“In my room,” Jane responded.

“The guy who invaded New York with an army of aliens is sleeping in your bed? I gotta see this.” The sound of footfalls grew slightly louder.

“Darcy!” Jane hissed. Presumably this was the person’s name - unless Jane was swearing in Midgardian. Judging from her tone, she could be swearing.

Loki closed his eyes as he heard the door creak faintly.

There was a long pause.

“Huh,” muttered the person presumably named Darcy. The door creaked again as she left and she made her way back to the kitchen. “You know, not how I pictured him - thought he’d be taller.” She said in a quieter, but more sarcastic voice.

“Normally he is,” said Thor gruffly.

There was another long pause, during which Loki wondered drowsily just how tall he was supposed to be normally. Then it dawned on him that Thor hadn’t denied Darcy’s statement about invading with an army of aliens.

Earlier, when Father had called him a “would-be conqueror,” Thor hadn’t denied that either. In fact, he’d told Father that Loki would answer for it if he betrayed him. Father had said his betrayal was inevitable.

Loki covered his face with his hands trying to think through the emotions that were rising again.

None of this made any sense. Why would he try to conquer Midgard? How would that even be logical or necessary when it was already one of the Nine Realms? Which aliens did this Darcy mean? Other Asgardians? Had his adult self tried to rouse other Asgardians to steal one of the Nine from Father? What a ridiculous idea! He couldn’t have thought he’d win against the might of Asgard. Was this why Father suddenly hated him? And why would he want Midgard anyway? Even with what he’d seen of Midgard’s recent advancements he couldn’t see the appeal. Not at the risk of provoking Father. He and Thor often got into mischief, but this would’ve been leagues beyond - had he grown oafish and treasonous? How long ago did all this occur? This adult version of himself didn’t sound like him at all. He doubted if even Thor would’ve been so bold.

If this were true and Thor was aware of all these events, why had he defended him to Father? Solely on the basis of his adult self dying for him? Was that enough? Perhaps there was another reason why Thor had not wanted him returned to the dungeon. Perhaps all this had something to do with the Aether, which Loki was sure Thor was not being truthful about. But that could not be right. From what he had heard so far, these were all separate events.

It was unbearably frustrating to have so little information about all that had transpired. If only Thor would clearly explain what had happened instead of avoiding the topic. Would it do any good to ask him? He’d asked Father directly only to have his father say he was feigning innocence.

Apparently, Darcy wanted more information, as well, because Thor added, “Loki died while we were fighting the Dark Elves and Jane and I left him on Svartlheim and unexpectedly found our way back to Earth through the anomaly you had previously discovered.”

“Right, the cave with the keys and shoes; Jane mentioned it.”

“Upon returning to Asgard I discovered Loki alive. A guard had found him on Svartlheim in the form of a child and taken him back to Asgard. I was told that he had been lying unconscious in his cell since he’d been returned. He does not appear to remember any of the events that occurred since childhood aside from some recent memory of our mother - it’s unclear as to why.”

“So he just went full-on Phoenix and came back as a baby with no memory?” Darcy said, sounding stunned, “Oh man, Selvig is gonna- ow! Hey!”

“Thor said he plans to stay on Earth for a while,” Jane said, ignoring Darcy’s sudden outcry of pain.

“Oh,” Darcy replied. There was a heavy silence and then she added, “Well sure you should totally stay with us. The more the merrier, you know, mi casa... actually it’s not even mi casa, it’s Jane’s mom’s, I’m just staying here…”

“You can take my room for now-“ Jane chimed in.

“And Jane can bunk with me.” Darcy declared.

“Y-yeah,” said Jane, sounding less enthusiastic.

“I thank you both.” Thor said gratefully, “I do not intend to impose on your kindness for long. I brought a few items from home and was hoping you could help me locate someone who might barter for them in exchange for one of your Earth currencies.”

“What, like a second-hand store?” Jane asked. “Yeah, I’m sure we could find something like that somewhere in London.”

“Whatcha got?” Darcy asked curiously.

There was some shuffling as Thor retrieved his bag and deposited it heavily on the table.

Whatever was in the bag seemed to impress the mortals greatly as they “ooh-ed” and “ah-ed“ over it, inquiring whether it was real.

Loki hadn’t seen what Thor had packed - he’d been distracted. It must be a chalice or... something. He thought groggily. It really didn’t matter. None of this was helpful in the slightest. Loki felt exhausted; he rolled onto his back, staring unseeingly at the plain white ceiling.

The mortals were now discussing bartering and Earth currencies with Thor. If Loki had known they were going to be discussing such mundane things he would’ve stayed at the table.

He considered getting out of the bed and rejoining them - surely their conversation had gone on long enough they’d believe he’d slept a bit. But the thought of sitting at the table and having Thor watch him the way he had been doing earlier made staying in bed seem all the more appealing.

“ What will you do when Loki inevitably betrays you and wreaks further devastation? ”

If the accounts of his grown self were true, and he’d foolishly tried to steal one of the Nine Realms right from under the Allfather’s nose, then Loki could understand why his father’s opinion of him had soured. But by Thor’s account, the grown-up Loki had recently acted heroically. Thor had sounded so certain, certain enough that he would have fought the Einerjar for him as if that one heroic act made up for everything else Loki had supposedly done. Yet, Thor was not certain enough to divulge whatever it was he had been keeping from him.

Usually, Thor was more forthcoming. It had often been what had gotten them into trouble with Mother - Thor liked to show off what he could do and what he knew, and he could scarcely keep a secret. If Thor was excited or proud about something he’d accomplished everyone would hear about it. If he’d done something he wasn’t supposed to but had enjoyed doing, he could never keep the smirk off his face. If he had done something bad - on the rare occasions he tried to conceal it from Mother, Thor had never been able to manage a lie that wasn’t so outrageously ridiculous that it gave him away. It was always wildly entertaining - though it frequently meant that Loki was in trouble as well.

He hadn’t really minded, because at least he had always been aware of Thor’s schemes and, more often than not, directly involved. And it had been the same on Thor’s end, he’d thought, when Loki had been the one involving Thor in mischief.

Just yesterday he and Thor had been a team. They knew everything about each other.  They trusted each other.

When Thor had first appeared in the throne room Loki hadn’t recognized him. Thor was so much bigger now, his hair had grown and darkened, his face was older - what Loki could see of it anyway, that beard hid half Thor’s face and made him look like Father. But upon realizing it was his brother standing there, Loki had assumed he would be the same as always. It hadn’t even occurred to him that Thor would suddenly doubt him, or that he’d have grown distant. It was an alarming thought to think that Loki had gone to sleep with Thor as his best friend and woken up in a world where he’d grown into a stranger who suddenly kept secrets from him instead of involving him, and who looked at him suspiciously.

He couldn’t bear the thought of that distrust growing; he’d already lost Mother and the love of his father within the span of an hour. Loki took a shuddering breath and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow, and trying to think comforting thoughts.

Thor had argued with their father on his behalf. Thor had wanted Loki with him, instead of locked in the dungeon. Thor had assured their father there would be no more destruction. Loki only wished Thor had sounded so sure of the fact because he still trusted him.

“ Earth has S.H.I.E.L.D., the Avengers and myself; if that happens Loki will answer for it .”

That had sounded like Thor merely trying to pacify Father, but could it be that Thor truly thought his betrayal was a possibility, despite all that he’d said had happened on the Dark World? Despite the fact that he was without a substantial portion of his magic or memory? Had he muddled everything so terribly? Loki would have to be on his best behavior so that Thor would have no further reason to doubt him. Perhaps he could win back the trust that had been so abruptly lost.

Loki tried not to think about what would happen if he couldn’t restore that trust. He tried not to think about losing Thor the way he’d lost Father. He tried not to think about Mother, who was lost to him in a more real sense.

Loki rubbed his face into the pillow, trying to will away the rising tears. He was so tired; he did not wish to cry anymore.

He couldn’t help it.

Chapter Text

Thor had spent a while discussing bartering with Jane and Darcy. They’d admitted to being unfamiliar with England’s pawnshops, but had assured him that consulting Google would help. 

He watched their endeavor to find somewhere suitable, musing quietly to himself that Earth’s technology may not necessarily make it quicker to locate things than on Asgard where one searched on foot. 

After some time, Thor noticed the shift in sunlight shining through the apartment windows and thought to check on Loki. 

He quietly excused himself, leaving Jane and Darcy who were arguing over pawnshops and museums, and made his way to Jane’s room. He cautiously opened the door.

Loki was right where they’d left him. 

Thor stepped closer. 

The blankets covering his brother’s small form rose and fell, softly and steadily. Loki was still breathing. Of course he would be; no harm could’ve come to him in Jane’s room in such a short time. 

His brother seemed to be sleeping calmly. That was good; he had looked so worn earlier. 

Thor rounded the bed slowly not wanting to wake Loki with his heavy footsteps. He squatted next to the bed so he could see Loki clearly, and exhaled quietly in dismay. 

Loki’s face looked damp. He’d been crying again. How was it possible that he could have still more tears left in him after all the ones he’d spilled earlier? Thor’s hair was still salty with them.

Resting his elbows on his knees, Thor folded his hands in front of his mouth and sat staring at Loki.

He’d rushed into things again. But even now, with time to mull over the day’s events... what other option had there been? 

None. None that he could think of in any case.

Thor exhaled through his nose in frustration. If Loki had only- If he only knew more. 

He didn’t know anything. Ever since Father had banished him it felt like he had come upon a never-ending list of that which he did not know. Yet he couldn’t yearn for the days when he’d been blissfully unaware of his own ignorance - that way had not...

Thor shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He didn’t want to think about what his ignorance had led to in the past. It was better now. At least he was aware that he had much to learn. Though, how much good that awareness did him, or anyone, Thor had to wonder. 

When he’d first been banished and hadn’t known what to do, Selvig had told him that admitting you don’t have all the answers was the first step to asking the right questions. But it had been a couple years since then and still Thor had no way of knowing what questions were right to ask. Whatever questions he had, right or wrong, they went unanswered. There was a seemingly endless list of things he was unsure about and he had no idea where to begin. New topics constantly added before he could even begin to find the answers to the previous.

When Thor had admitted, a few years ago, to having no idea what he was supposed to do, he had been referring to the rest of his life, newly mortal, without Mjolnir, without the burden of the throne looming, without his home, without his family. 

Since that time, he’d regained, and lost, and regained, and lost at least half of that list.

In the process of all that instability Thor had stumbled upon two answers - though they were less like answers and more like gateways to a mess of new questions. The first being that, regardless of what he was supposed to do, he now wished, more than ever, to be good and live honorably. The second answer was that, for some reason, which eluded him, he felt certain he could not do either of those by taking up the throne. Not if his father expected him to be as great a king as himself.

He assumed that his father would eventually grow impatient and demand he return to Asgard and fulfill his duty, but not for a few more years. That was what Thor had hoped. He had thought perhaps by that time he might’ve learned how to balance his desire to be a good man with his duty to the Nine Realms.

He had not counted on Loki.

Loki was highest on Thor’s ever-growing list of quandaries. Thor hadn’t consciously realized till recently but over the past century or so Loki’s name had been steadily shifting higher towards the top of the list of things Thor didn’t understand. Loki had made a sudden leap into top five a few years ago and then beat out all the rest within the past year. And now it seemed that Loki had bested himself yet again and secured his place in being the greatest source of bewilderment.

Loki was a conundrum. Any questions asked of him refused to be answered. Perhaps he had simply been asking the wrong questions.

As had so often been the case of late, Thor had no idea what to do in regards to his brother. But unlike before, the matter couldn’t be put aside. Thor didn’t want to put it aside. He’d tried that. He’d tried taking out his anger on his enemies, leaving Loki to stew in his cell, hoping that after some time Loki would be more willing to explain himself. But he had waited too long, and all that waiting had amounted to hurt, resentment, and death. Nearly the same outcome as before on the Bifrost when Thor hadn’t known how to respond and had just rushed forward, ignorant of what had occurred in the few days he’d been away.

Rush forward, hold back, question Loki, or don’t - it all had reaped the same results. 

Now, miraculously, he was getting another chance, yet he was no closer to understanding Loki than he had been before. And the one person who might be able to give him some insight was now not only unwilling, but seemingly incapable of doing so. What had he been thinking?

Thor watched as Loki scrunched his nose in his sleep and pulled the blanket higher around his tear-streaked face.

He hadn’t stopped to think; he had let his emotions get the better of him. Mother had died and Thor had barely even allowed himself a chance to grieve before his brother had died just as suddenly. Then he was alive again. He was alive and right there in front of him. And, though he had said otherwise, Thor couldn’t let him be locked away and forgotten. 

Thor blew out a tense, nervous breath.

He didn’t know what to do, but he knew rushing forward blindly had helped no one in the past, that waiting at a distance did not help. In fact, in recent times, every absence seemed only to result in Thor discovering Loki increasingly distraught and confusing. Perhaps there was a middle ground that might achieve better results. 

Thor remained in his contemplative squatted position next to the bed, puzzling over exactly what a middle position might entail. He had never been much for doing things by half-measures; sitting around and being tentative and patiently waiting for answers to reveal themselves in due time was an idea that grated on him. 

Eventually Thor realized that Jane and Darcy’s voices had dropped. He could hear them murmuring worriedly from their seats in the kitchen. It didn’t do any good to sit stewing over Loki while his friends tried to solve his problems for him. Thor rose to rejoin them.

Jane and Darcy turned simultaneously to gaze at him as soon as he appeared.

“Is everything all right?” Jane asked in a muted tone.

Thor smiled, “Yes, all is well.” Thor sat down in the open chair between and slightly behind Jane’s and Darcy’s. 

There was a long pause as they both stared at him, and he glanced between them in confusion.

“You sure?” Jane pressed.

No, he wasn’t sure at all. Not of anything. “Yes, I did not mean to keep you waiting.”

“Nah, you’re fine.” Darcy said, reaching over to tap him lightly on the back.

Jane smiled, “We have a list of places we can check out.” She showed him a piece of paper with names of shops written on it. “Although, I gotta say, I don’t think it’ll get you as much money as that’s probably worth. We should really try to sell it to a museum or a collector. But it looks like it’s a pretty difficult and lengthy process...”

“Like months at least.” Darcy chimed in, shaking her head.

Thor frowned down at the paper and then masked the frown with another smile. “These should be sufficient. I thank you for your efforts.”

Jane’s and Darcy’s voices overlapped as they told him he was welcome and not to mention it, and Jane said that she would be accompanying him so he wouldn’t get lost. This she said with a smile as if in jest, and Thor felt all the more grateful to her for not only her willingness to assist him, but also for her attempts to lighten his mood. 

He leaned back in his chair and peered through the small window over the kitchen sink, at the darkened clouds. 

Ah. 

Those were due to him, no doubt. That explained the worried murmurs. 

He had learned they were accustomed to such weather here, but too much brooding would not make anyone very pleased with him. 

A moment of silence passed and Darcy reached behind the laptop for a piece of orange before bringing the plate forward and holding it between them. Thor avoided the banana. 

After several more minutes of silence, with Darcy munching on fruit and Jane shifting uneasily Jane stood. 

“Ok, I’m ready whenever you are,” she declared. 

Thor looked up at her.

“To go see if you can get money for this.” She gestured to Thor’s bag. 

“Ah” Thor replied, standing. He reached to grab his bag and hesitated, hands hovering above it, some unknown feeling curling in his gut. He glanced over his shoulder at Jane’s bedroom door. “My brother...”

“I can watch him for you,” Darcy offered. “He’s safe now, right? Can’t do any magic-ing me to another dimension or,“ she fluttered a hand around her head, “mind control stuff?”

Thor grimaced. Thor remembered clearly the numerous moments throughout the years when Loki had run to him exhibiting a new magical skill he’d mastered. At some point he’d stopped sharing when he’d learned something, likely deciding that dramatically revealing a new skill just when they needed it most was more gratifying.

So Thor did not know when, exactly, Loki had learned what Darcy was asking about. How old was Loki when he’d learned how to create pocket dimensions or teleport? He couldn’t be certain. 

Likewise, Thor didn’t know when Loki’s abilities had developed to the extent he’d displayed in New York, as Loki had never exhibited any ability to manipulate minds in that manner. Before recent events, Thor hadn’t even heard malicious rumors implying that Loki knew how to do such a thing - usually people stopped short, only saying that Loki manipulated words and situations to his advantage. Thor had never heard anyone openly malign Loki by claiming he manipulated minds. That power was akin to Lorelei’s, and such emotional or mental manipulation had long since been forbidden.

Thor hadn’t been aware Loki could do such a thing, though he supposed that Loki might have kept it hidden... but then, would he not have utilized it when they had fought? Either his brother had truly been holding back a few years ago or it was a new skill he’d learned since his fall. Or it was not a new skill at all, as he seemed to require the tesseract-powered scepter to manage it.

In any case, Thor was sure Loki hadn’t been able to manipulate minds in such a manner at this age. Oh the chaos that would have ensued if Loki had possessed such a skill as a child. Thor almost smiled at the thought. It would’ve driven all of Valaskjalf mad.

“No, as far as I am aware, Loki is harmless...” he glanced worriedly at the door again. 

He had only just been thinking about the times when he’d been absent and had returned to find Loki distraught. It wasn’t that Loki was incapable of being left alone, he had almost seemed to prefer it in the past - it was not so unusual. Loki was not in danger, nor was he a danger to anyone else, and he wouldn’t be truly alone if Darcy was with him. Yet, leaving him…

As Thor hesitated, Jane and Darcy looked at each other.

“Well,” said Jane, “it’s not like we’re in a rush. I was just thinking you’d like to get this stuff out of the way, but we can wait till he wakes up.”

Thor smiled at her in relief and nodded. “He was never one for naps - it should not take long for him to wake.”

But it did. 

As they hadn’t had the chance, due to dealing with Malekith and the Convergence, the three passed some time apprising each other of what they had each been occupied with while Thor had been away trying to restore peace to the Nine.

Then, since Loki had still not woken, Jane began rummaging around the kitchen, claiming she was hungry and that maybe the smell of food would rouse Loki. Thor assisted in chopping the few vegetables Jane could find and smiled proudly at her as she went into dizzying detail about the research she’d been conducting. 

Loki had still not emerged by the time the food was finished cooking 

“I thought you said he wasn’t much of a napper.” Darcy said, setting out the dishes.

“He did not used to be,” Thor stated. He moved towards the bedroom and Jane trailed behind him.

They peeked into the room.

Loki was exactly where he had been before. 

Thor felt Jane’s hand on his arm.

“Should we wake him up?” She whispered

Thor stared for a minute longer, watching as Loki breathed evenly. “N-nay.”

“Nay?” Jane whispered back, sounding amused.

Thor backed out, pulling the door to its previous not-fully-closed state, and guiding Jane back to the kitchen. 

“The guard had said Loki was unconscious while in the cell those few days. If he is sleeping for so long he must be in need of it.”

“Oh,” Jane replied.

They served themselves some of the food Jane called “pasta,” and sat down at the table with Darcy.

“So, you think all this sleeping has something to do with whatever magic Loki did to turn into a kid,” Darcy asked, waving her fork, “or just regular ole tiredness from everything?”

“I have no way of knowing,” Thor tried to bite down on the frustration rising within him, “it could very well be both.” 

Jane eyed him inquisitively before turning her attention to her plate. She speared one of the vegetables and then munched on it while staring over Thor’s shoulder at the bedroom door. Then she took another bite of her pasta and stared towards the living area where some of her books were. She didn’t seem to see them, though, her eyes moved back and forth the way Loki’s sometimes did when he was attempting to figure something out.

“Jane?” Thor questioned.

“Hmm?” Jane’s eyes focused on him and she smiled looking a bit embarrassed, “oh, sorry.”

“Care to share with the class, Jane?” said Darcy, smiling wryly.

“Ah, no it’s nothing,” she looked down at her plate and back over Thor’s shoulder, “I was just thinking about the physics that’d go into turning the Loki I met a few days ago into that.”

Thor blinked at her.

“Physics.” Darcy repeated unenthusiastically, around another mouthful of pasta.

“Well, yeah,” Jane looked at Darcy, “Thor said magic and science are one and the same. So maybe there’s some sort of reasoning for how Loki did it. Maybe we could replicate it - even if Loki can’t remember, there must be some way to figure it out, right?”

Thor chuckled fondly at her and set about spearing some more of his own pasta and vegetables.

Jane sounded affronted, “What?”

Thor glanced up at her, then at Darcy who wore an odd, amused, warning expression. Then he looked back at Jane. 

“Ah...” he swallowed and then chuckled again nervously. “I... may have implied something which I did not intend.”

Jane sat back in her chair, “Which is...?”

Thor smiled apologetically, “That science can replicate magic.” He let out another chuckle at the idea, “It cannot.”

Jane blinked at him, glanced between him and Darcy, mouth ajar, and then shook her head at him in apparent annoyance. “Just like that, ‘it cannot’?”

“I do not wish to offend...”

“But what about my gravitational anomaly detectors? You saw them in action a few days ago; they essentially replicated teleportation - that’s science doing magic! Magic that your brother could do, right?”

Ah, that’s true, it was very similar. “But it is not the same.”

“How is it not the same?”

Thor threw a glance at Darcy; she seemed disinclined to help him, leaning back in her chair, staring over the top of her glass of water with her eyebrows raised.

Thor scowled before looking back at Jane with another pacifying smile, he did not wish to pick a fight, but she obviously took her science very seriously. There’s another similarity between science and magic. Thor thought ruefully.

“I don’t mean to say that Earth’s science cannot do similar things, but even on Asgard, where the science that you are familiar with - like the Bifrost or soul forge, exists, even those who are knowledgeable about that science cannot replicate the kind of magic Loki does. Like your devices, the Bifrost has similarities to Loki’s teleportation, but not all of Loki’s skills are as easy to replicate. There are few skilled in magic - what Asgardians would view as magic - who are even capable of the same sort. This is why I could think of no one else to consult.”

Jane seemed to calm somewhat at this, and Thor sighed in relief.

“So... when you said magic and science were one and the same you meant the technology that seems like magic to us, not magic.”

Thor nodded.

“But,” Jane scoffed in disbelief, “there’s gotta be some sort of science behind all the things your brother can do! You said it was a skill, which means he had to learn it from somewhere. Which means it’s explainable.”

Thor breathed out and took another bite of food. Loki might have argued the point, but it truly didn’t matter. He should just let her continue thinking what she had been. If she could manage something he, and his father, and the rest of Asgard never could, all the better.

“Which means, theoretically,” Jane continued, “it could be replicated just like teleportation! Where did Loki learn magic? We could-“

“Our mother.” Thor grunted. His throat suddenly felt tight and he reached for his glass.

“Wha- O- Ohh,” Jane stammered, voice trailing off. “Oh...” she bit her lip and looked down at her plate.

They lapsed into an awkward silence, the only sounds were the three of them chewing, the distant city noises and a low rumble of thunder. His thunder. Thor hoped it was too quiet for Jane and Darcy to hear, but he doubted it. He tried to reign in his emotions and focus on swallowing his food. Now isn’t the time.

He felt Jane’s hand on his arm. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.

Thor shook his head, “You meant to be helpful; you are not at fault.”

“I just... wish I could help you. And I know magic is out of my wheelhouse, and maybe it does work differently, but I can’t help being curious. Part of what I do for a living is try to find answers to the supposedly unsolvable questions.”

Thor looked at her with a start.

Then something bubbled up inside him and he couldn’t stop himself; he began shaking with laughter. It wasn’t his usual laughter, it was quieter, and it hurt. 

He didn’t want to laugh. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t.

Leave crying to Loki, laughing was so much friendlier, and he was among friends who were only trying to help him.

He glanced at them, still shaking with laughter, and saw Jane looking taken aback, and Darcy covering her mouth and staring with a misty expression.

Jane leaned closer, “Thor, are you ok?” 

She looked so worried. That was not the expression one wore when they saw another laugh. Was he crying after all? Thor covered his face with his hands. Nay, I am not crying, Thor thought. And then, Norns, I’m following Loki down the path to madness. Loki’s voice yelling “Possibly!” rang in his ears. And that made him laugh harder.

“Dude, are you all right?” Darcy repeated Jane’s question.

Thor shook his head. No. He didn’t know. Probably not. “I’m fine,” he gasped, “I’m fine.” 

“You don’t sound fine. You sound like you’re having a mental breakdown.” 

Thor couldn’t tell which of the women said it as it was murmured and he was too busy laughing into his hands to look up.

After another minute the laughter died down, “I’m sorry,” Thor gasped again, “You said you solve unsolvable questions.” He raised his head now to look at Jane.

“And...” Jane blinked at him, her eyes still wide with worry, “that was funny?”

“That was, I think, an apt description of my brother.”

——

After dinner, Loki had still not awoken and it was looking less likely that they would be going anywhere that day. 

Thor, Jane, and Darcy milled around the apartment, sat on the couch, stared at the “news”, and generally spent the evening trying to avoid any more emotional topics. 

Jane flipped through some of her books, jotting down notes. Though she didn’t mention magic again, she was clearly attempting to solve the unsolvable problem. 

One aspect of it, anyway.

Loki’s current reduced stature and memory loss, and how he had achieved them, were hardly the only confusing aspects about Loki, merely the most recent, but if Jane thought she could make sense of what Loki had done it could only help.

Thor wished he could provide her with some sort of basic knowledge on the matter, but magic had always been Loki’s area of expertise - his and Mother’s shared interest. He had long since ceased to be jealous of the time Loki had spent learning all of Mother’s tricks. It wasn’t as though this special knowledge ever did Loki any favors. And their father’s obvious disapproval had settled Thor’s mind on the matter. 

Though it had never kept him from bristling every time Loki went on his silly, aggravating rant about magic being like birds. 

Thor had resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn’t learn about or become skilled in magic, he had been convinced that it was better not to know.

Even so, it was a bit embarrassing to admit to Jane that he didn’t know anything worth mentioning - especially as she seemed so fascinated by it, even aside from trying to help make sense of the riddle that was Loki.

At the end of the evening Jane snuck back into her room to retrieve a couple more books off the shelf behind her computer. She bid Thor goodnight, and then disappeared into Darcy’s room with a distracted look in her eyes. 

Thor stood in the dark room, staring at the door, mouth curled wryly. 

Ah, he thought, that is another expression that is familiar.

Magic and science may not be exactly one and the same as he’d accidentally implied, but there seemed to be plenty of similarities when it came to the enthusiasm with which new theories or spells were pondered over.

Thor turned to look around the room. With the two windows there was enough light to see by. Most of the furniture was made of wood with the exception of Jane’s work desk, which was partly metal and balanced precariously on a large box in front of bookshelves. One of the two computer screens was on, displaying some sort of weather reading on a loop. 

Thor turned and looked at the bed. It was such a small bed, and he wondered briefly who made it that small and whether Jane could afford a larger one, and if so, why would she choose to sleep in something so small?

He decided that Jane must not have noticed, being so small herself.

Thor stood in place beside the door, staring. Then he picked up the two bed pillows not in use. Rounding the bed, he grabbed another pillow that was on a chair near the largest window, arranged the pillows in a line on the floor next to the bed, and stretched out awkwardly on top of them. 

After a couple minutes he realized he was still in his armor and sat up to remove it as quietly as possible.

 It was somewhat of a laborious process without the use of Mjolnir, but using Mjolnir to change was too loud and flashy. Thor’s mouth curved into a grimace, as he tried not to remember the countless times Loki had pointed out that exact issue.

Thor moved to set his armor to the side and cringed as the breastplate made a clanking sound against the floor. The chainmail sleeves he set down next followed suit with a loud clatter. Thor’s heart leapt and he glanced at Loki.

Loki rolled over, but slept through the noise.

Sighing in relief, Thor finished removing his armor, slid off his boots and lied back down on the pillows, now in just the leather pants and red undershirt.

Thor stared up at the plain, flat, white ceiling of Jane’s room, listening to his brother’s breathing.

As worrisome as it was that Loki seemed to require so much sleep, Thor was secretly grateful for it. Loki, himself, the entire situation - there were no words that could sufficiently encompass the mess of emotions swirling through him. But at least while Loki was asleep, Thor didn’t have to worry about what to say or how to behave towards him. It was hard enough trying decide what to do next… Thor tried to assure himself that not wanting to deal with Loki’s emotions and opinions just yet was not cowardly. He hadn’t abandoned Loki this time; he was biding his time. He hadn’t failed him yet.

Laying his arm across his forehead, Thor closed his eyes.

The lingering guilt he felt at Loki having died, the fear he felt at not knowing what had happened or would happen, all the complicated emotions surrounding the confusion of these past couple years, the desire to not have events repeat themselves a third time...  and the overwhelming relief he felt at Loki being alive. All those feelings roiled within him and he struggled to keep them at bay.

Then he heard a rumbling sound from the bed, and his heart sank within him. 

Thor rolled onto his side to stare out Jane’s window at the starless night sky. The sounds of Loki’s empty stomach mixed with the thunder rumbling in the distance, and in the darkness of the room, no longer surrounded by his friends, it was all Thor could do to keep from giving in to the earlier urge to weep.

Chapter Text

It was dark out when a dull ache in his stomach roused Loki from his very long, unintentional, nap. He rolled over a few times, trying to ignore the sensation, and when he couldn’t ignore it any longer he sat up and drowsily looked around the room. 

He could hear rain gently pattering against the windows, but couldn’t quite see it in the darkness.

On the floor to the left of him, Thor was sprawled on his back atop three pillows in a way that couldn’t possibly be comfortable. It wasn’t unusual to find Thor sleeping on the ground, though it looked like he’d lain there deliberately this time instead of falling off the bed. 

For a couple minutes Loki simply sat blinking at his brother’s slumbering form from his perch on the bed. 

He felt queasy.

It was probably because he hadn’t eaten anything yesterday. 

Loki shuffled sideways towards the door, crawled to the edge of the bed, slid off the side, and tiptoed out of the room.

Loki passed the leather couch on his way toward the kitchen. As he neared the table he was startled by a sudden change from wood to cold tile on his feet and looked down.

The floor under the table was a mosaic of white, light blue, and dark blue square tiles. It was pretty - probably the prettiest thing in the otherwise cluttered and haphazard apartment - he was surprised he hadn’t noticed it yesterday. 

Loki blinked sleepily down at the floor feeling oddly nostalgic even though none of the tiled floors at home looked anything like this one.

A protesting sound from his stomach drew Loki back to the present and he glanced up at the dining table on his way to the kitchen. There was something labeled Digestives, but he didn’t know what that was, so ignored it momentarily.  

On the countertop Loki could see a shallow bowl with more apples, oranges, and... that yellow fruit that Thor hadn’t liked. Loki gazed up at the fruits wondering if he was allowed to take one. 

If only there were grapes, he could take a few without anyone knowing. Nobody counted grapes. 

Deciding not to chance it, Loki walked back to the table and climbed into a chair so he could examine the Digestives in the dim light. 

The package had images of wheat and some sort of flat biscuit that looked like travel rations.

Loki slid the package closer. As quietly as he could, he pulled one round wafer out. He sniffed it cautiously and then gave it a taste. It was mildly sweet and nutty. He looked inside the container and, noting that there were enough that a few wouldn’t be missed, pulled out a couple more. Loki pushed the container back to exactly where it had been sitting in the middle of the table and slid off the chair, dropping to the cool tiles. 

He made his way back through the room, past the couch, to the glass door overlooking one of the balconies and sat down to eat his pilfered biscuits and stare at the rain flowing down the windowpanes. 

As he nibbled a biscuit, his eyes followed a small raindrop trailing down the glass until it met up with another, and then another, forming a larger raindrop. 

A vague thought occurred to him that the last thing he remembered eating was probably not the same thing his elder self had eaten. He wondered, if he could look inside himself, whether he’d find the remnants of the meal he remembered or one he didn’t, or both. Assuming there was anything to find. Maybe there wasn’t; maybe the magic ate it up and turned it into energy for the transformation. 

It likely required a great deal of energy, Loki thought idly, continuing to munch on his biscuits.

It was less than an hour before the sky began to lighten as the sun rose behind the clouds. Loki shivered a bit and rose to look at some of the books now that it was growing lighter. 

This Jane had more books than Loki had ever seen outside of the Royal libraries and those of various members of Nobility. He quietly padded along beside the shelves. It seemed Jane had limited interests in her choice of genres, but she was apparently devoted and well-read, and Loki found himself liking her all the better. Anyone who read so much had to be a decent person.

Or at least, an interesting one.

Or at the very least, sufficiently knowledgeable about her preferred topic.

Loki ran his fingers over the spines as he read them: Beyond the Milky Way, Space Physics, Theory of Orbits, The Universe, Mathematical Methods for Physicists and Engineers. 

He pulled out one of the books wondering how current Midgardian maths and science would compare with his own studies, but he quickly shied away from the thought.

Mother had been the one overseeing the majority of his and Thor’s educations. 

Just then someone emerged from the other room, mumbling and rubbing her eyes. The woman had wavy dark hair and an interesting face. Loki watched through the bookshelf as she tread heavily towards the kitchen, pulled a shiny silver packet out of one of the cupboards, pocketed a piece of paper which had been laying on the counter and trod back towards the front door. She then wrestled some sort of metal contraption with a basket on the front of it through the door, murmuring, “I can’t believe...” The rest of her sentence was cut off as she exited the apartment.

Loki blinked after her, returned the book to the shelf without bothering to flip through it, and then made his way back to the glass door he’d been sitting by earlier. He wrapped his arms around his legs, looking out at the various pots cluttering the balcony. 

A minute later he thought he heard a loud exclamation from somewhere below in the street, but he couldn’t be sure over the sound of the rain. 

Leaning forward Loki pressed his nose against the cold window, exhaling to fog up the glass. He reached out a hand and lazily began scrawling the rune for peace with his finger.

Before the first square of the rune was done there was a rustling sound, a swear, a loud thump, and then an intimidating succession of thundering footsteps that made Loki curl nervously inward. 

Thor emerged from Jane’s room glancing wildly around in the dim morning light. “Loki?” He called out. Apparently not seeing him through the windowed room partition, Thor moved toward the front of the apartment. 

It took Loki a second to find his voice. “Here,” he squeaked, and then tried more loudly, “I’m here.”

Thor whirled to look towards him, and Loki waved shyly from his seat by the glass door.

Thor exhaled heavily upon seeing him. He turned his head away, breathing as if to calm himself. Then he turned back towards Loki and looked him over scrutinizingly. 

“Have you eaten?” He finally asked.

There was a pause as Loki considered whether the three biscuits he’d taken when he woke up counted as having eaten, then he shook his head. He was still hungry.

Thor nodded in response and beckoned him over, and Loki stood to follow him into the kitchen. 

There was a tall white cabinet of sorts. It made a strange sound when Thor opened it, as if a seal was being broken. Thor bent over to look inside. Loki came up next to him and peered under Thor’s arm. 

The air inside this cabinet was cold. Loki could see a bag of old-looking lettuce, a container labeled “goat milk,” and a bowl of vegetables mixed with strange yellow spiral shapes. 

“Eggs,” Thor stated flatly reaching in to grab one of the containers. He proceeded to count out eight eggs, handing a few to Loki, who struggled not to drop the third one.

“You are not going to just take all these,” Loki exclaimed in disbelief.

Thor shot him an odd expression. “I’m not just taking all these, I am also making eggs for Jane and Darcy. They enjoy having breakfast made when they wake up. They will not mind.”

Loki blinked at his brother. He made them breakfast before? He shook his head. “A woman with dark wavy hair left earlier.”

“Ah,” Thor paused, then put two of the eggs back. “That was Darcy - she’s another friend,” he supplied. 

Loki nodded. He’d already guessed as much. 

Thor took one of the eggs from Loki, moving to the counter to begin preparing them. 

Loki reached up and set his two remaining eggs onto the counter by the rest, which Thor had deposited there, pushing them as far as he could reach.

“You know how to cook now,” he stated.

He didn’t know why it sounded accusing, like he was upset by that fact. Cooking was good, and a useful skill to have, it was just surprising. The Thor he knew wouldn’t know what to do with an uncooked egg, aside from perhaps throw it. He was far more likely to be chased from Andhrimnir’s kitchen after trying to sneak sweets than to stand patiently next to a fire and cook something edible.

Thor coughed self-consciously, “One learns things over a millennium.” He cracked another egg, and something must have gone wrong because he let out a quiet oath before looking back at Loki and ordering him to sit down.

Loki frowned in response, thinking to remain exactly where he was. Then he remembered his resolution to be on his best behavior and begrudgingly went to sit at the table. 

He sat sideways in the chair, stared down past his feet at the blue tiles, and tried not to think about the passage of centuries, concentrating instead on the sound of rainfall mingling pleasantly with the sizzling of the eggs.

Jane’s voice sounded from the doorway of the other room, “Why is it so dark in here?” 

Bright, unnatural light flooded the kitchen, causing Thor and Loki both to blink and exclaim in annoyance.

“Sorry,” Jane said, not sounding very sorry at all. She pointed at a switch on the wall, “The light switch is over here. Mmm that smells good.” She added as she walked through the kitchen headed towards her bedroom.

Thor smiled proudly at her, looking for all the world like a dog expecting a pat on the head. It was an expression that made Thor look a bit more like himself - more like the Thor Loki knew.

“I’ll be right out,” Jane said over her shoulder. She disappeared into her room and soon after there was a sound of running water.

Thor smirked at Loki, “You see?”

Loki hummed in acknowledgment; Jane truly did not seem to mind.

Hesitantly Thor turned the heat under the eggs down and opened a cabinet to retrieve glasses. He took the goat milk from the fridge and placed a glass of it in front of Loki. Then he turned back to the counter and proceeded to fumble with some strange machine with a glass pot, but soon gave up, apparently not knowing how to use it.

He turned back to Loki. “Toast?”

Loki looked at his brother blankly, looked at his glass of milk and then threw a disgusted expression back at Thor.

Thor blinked at him in confusion before realizing the reason for the disgust. “Oh, for eating,” he clarified. “They haven’t used toast in drinks in decades.”

“Ah,” Loki sighed in relief, “yes, please.”

Thor dropped two slices of bread into another machine on the counter.

By the time all the toast was done Jane emerged from her room. She looked pleasantly around the kitchen, pulled a few things from the cold, white cabinet, placed them on the table and turned around to fiddle with the machine Thor hadn’t been able to get working. 

Thor stood to the side watching with rapt attention. 

Soon a pleasant, earthy smell wafted through the air. Jane poured the dark liquid into two cups. 

Thor divvied up the eggs and toast, and he and Jane finally joined Loki at the table.

The next few minutes passed in relative silence as the three ate their food and took turns yawning. 

Loki was pleasantly surprised when he tasted the eggs and they were fairly decent, and when he looked up at his brother, Thor seemed equally as surprised. The toast was thin and tasted strange, but Loki ate it anyway, all the while pretending he didn’t notice Thor and Jane looking at him.

“So,” Jane said, drawing the attention of Thor and Loki, “how is everyo- umm...” Her voice trailed off and her eyes flickered over Loki’s head to the rain-soaked patio they’d come in by yesterday. She looked at Thor, seeming concerned. “Do you still want to go to pawnshops today?”

Thor nodded at her with such enthusiasm that it made Loki wonder if Midgardian pawnshops were more interesting than he’d previously assumed. 

“Of course!” Thor smiled. “We cannot let yours and Darcy’s efforts go to waste, and I am no less in need of currency than I was yesterday.”

Loki thought he saw a slight frown before Thor lifted the mug of whatever the dark drink was to his mouth and took a long gulp. 

Loki stared, not sure what to make of his brother’s behavior. The broad smiles and enthusiasm were typical. The frowns were less so, but not terribly unusual, especially considering the circumstances in which they found themselves. But this effort to conceal his emotions was not like Thor at all. 

Was it because he was there? Did Thor no longer feel comfortable being genuine around him? Everything had seemed fine just moments ago. Not like they usually were, but not terrible. 

Was it that Thor did not trust Jane as much as Loki had initially thought? He had said she was a friend... 

Loki glanced up at Jane who nodded and smiled awkwardly back at him, looking no less worried than she’d been a second ago.

It couldn’t be that Thor mistrusted Jane. They had spent the night in her home; they were eating her food. Aside from that, Jane seemed to know so much more about the events on the Dark World than Loki would’ve thought. Thor trusted her enough to have involved her in such a thing even though she was mortal.

Loki lowered the slice of toast he was holding. It suddenly tasted too fake and dry to swallow.

He gazed up at Thor, trying desperately to keep the obvious conclusion from registering in his brain so he wouldn’t react to it. If only there was something he could say. All he could think was: Don’t worry Thor! Whatever that me did, I wouldn’t do. You can tell me what’s troubling you. You can tell me what happened, you can let me in on the plan, whatever it is, I can help you. You can trust me! You can always trust me, just like I know I can always trust you.

Could he say all that? Thor was old now, an adult. With adults you had to just say something once. If you said you didn’t do something, the more times you repeated that you didn’t do it the more they doubted you. It was just one of many terribly unfair rules adults invented. 

By that rule, insisting Thor could trust him would not improve matters much. Thor claimed he trusted him already. But he wasn’t acting like himself; he wasn’t acting like the Thor who came to him for help, the Thor who spoke his mind. He wasn’t acting like the Thor that believed in him; he was acting like… 

Thor glanced at him over the top of his mug. “What?”

Loki blinked. He’d been caught staring and he had yet to figure out what he wanted to say. Or if he should say anything.

He settled on something mundane. “What is that?” 

Thor blinked at him in confusion, and Loki pointed to the mug.

“Oh.” Thor looked into the mug. “It’s coffee.” He stated, and then, to Loki’s surprise, held out the cup for Loki who took it with both hands.

Neither of them heard Jane’s wordless sound of protest until it was too late.

Loki took a sip and nearly gagged. It was intensely bitter and hot. It made him feel like a spider shriveling up and dying on the floor. He shuddered.

At the reaction Thor made a worried sound.

“Bleughhh,” Loki moaned, feeling very impolite, but not really caring much at the moment. He pushed Thor’s cup away and grabbed his own glass of milk again.

“Most people don’t really give coffee to kids - it’s kind of a grownup thing.” Jane explained.

“What?” Thor sounded alarmed.

“It’s not like it’s bad for them or anything,” Jane reassured him, “it’s just sort of an acquired taste.” She pulled a Digestive biscuit out and handed it across the table to Loki, who took it, grateful to have something to counteract the taste of the coffee. “Also, no one really wants to give caffeine to their kid; they’d be bouncing off the walls.”

Loki’s and Thor’s eyes met and then widened at Jane in surprise - it sounded like a potion.

She chuckled once, likely guessing from their expressions what they were picturing, “Not literally.”

——

Much to Thor’s relief, the rest of breakfast passed without further incident. 

It also passed without much conversation. 

Nor eye contact. 

Which was somewhat less of a relief. 

The little sleep he had been afforded had not granted him much insight in regards to Loki except that, while he was patiently awaiting answers, he might at least put his time to good use and deal with immediate necessities. 

He’d thought he was doing rather well, until the coffee.

They had finished breakfast, prepared for the day and then they were off, venturing into the light, morning rain of early November.

Jane’s worried glances had not let up since breakfast and Thor tried to smile reassuringly at her each time he noticed. Despite what she might think, he was not in constant control of the weather. 

She ought to know, a little rain was perfectly natural in this corner of the world. Especially at this time of the year. 

Thor didn’t know everything about Midgard, but he knew that much, at least. 

It was one of the benefits of such places; in more temperate environments everyone was privy to any minor change in his emotions, and while that might be helpful when he meant to be intimidating, it caused no small amount of chagrin in… other situations.

Except that this was not one of those situations - these, of course, were natural rain clouds. A very nice, unassuming, grey, wet blanket of stratus clouds stretching in all directions. Soothing. Not the slightest bit worrisome.

Thor wished he could convince Jane that all was well, but his smiles did not appear to alleviate her concern.

When she wasn’t throwing worried glances his way, Jane chattered almost incessantly explaining where they were headed, musing about transportation, and London weather and all manner of things.

Thor felt sure his own silence was the cause, but he could think of nothing worth adding to the conversation aside from acknowledgment that he was listening and generally pleased that she was speaking. He found himself alternating between feeling grateful to Jane for filling up the silence, and feeling dizzy as she jumped from one topic to another. 

The steady stream of nervous commentary brought to mind how Loki had behaved when he’d first retrieved him from his cell. He didn’t know why such a memory sprang to mind; the two cases were nothing alike. Unlike Jane, Loki had been trying to goad him with his mockery not… pacify him? 

It hadn’t seemed like much of an assumption, at the time - Loki mocking him in an attempt to spur him on to anger seemed to fall in line with his recent behavior, but now, looking back, what was the purpose of such behavior? One would think Loki would’ve tried to convince him he wouldn’t cause trouble. Especially after Thor’s threat… 

Thor felt a pang of guilt and tried to smother it. 

It had been a lie, meant to discourage betrayal. A warning that any attempts would be seen through and foiled before he’d be forced to either make good on his word or go back on it.

He hoped Loki had known that. He hoped Loki’s smirks and his attempts to anger him were evidence that Loki knew he would never…

Thor inhaled slowly through his nose, closing his eyes briefly.

That was days ago. Everything had turned out fine, more or less. 

Though, mere days ago he hadn’t known it would. It seemed his mind was still trying to process yesterday’s discovery that it had turned out fine.

Thor let out the breath and inhaled again, as subtly as he could.

It’s in the past. Loki is alive now. He’s alive. He remembers it not.

Somehow the thought did not make him feel any better. He remembered, even if Loki didn’t. 

It was suddenly a terrible secret, and he felt all the guiltier for it knowing that the Loki currently by his side would be devastated if he knew Thor had threatened such a thing. 

No matter what his reasons had been. 

No matter that he had not truly meant it.

Thor frowned and glanced down at the Loki beside him, trying to put his thoughts aside and focus on the current issue.

There were plenty of tasks at hand that needed seeing to. If he wanted to make it through the day without troubling everyone, he could not get caught up on the past.

Well, he could not get caught up on the recent past. 

The distant past was walking beside him and needed attending. That was the entire point of today’s undertakings.

Loki might’ve appreciated the irony… Maybe.

Loki seemed better-rested today; one would never know he’d spent so much of yesterday crying. He hadn’t spoken since breakfast though, and aside from occasional wide-eyed glances at their surroundings, Loki currently seemed to be focusing the main portion of his attention on walking.

He trotted along beside Thor clad in one of Jane’s old blue and green overshirts, with the sleeves rolled up so they didn’t hang past his hands -Jane had insisted he not venture out into the rain without the extra protection and neither Thor nor Loki had argued. 

When they paused to wait for cars to pass, Loki would bring his hands up and clasp them together in front of his chest. In the oversized shirt, with the sleeves billowing out as they did, the pose was reminiscent of a little bird. A very nervous-looking baby bird. 

Unless.. was he cold? 

Thor could see Loki’s breath faintly puffing out into the cold morning air. Loki had never minded the cold, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel it.

Ah… the cold.

The topic had rarely been broached so he’d nearly forgotten. And Loki certainly would have.

By Mímir’s flaming severed head!

What was he to do about that?

Thor took another calming breath, shook his head, and tried to distract himself, adding “warm clothes for Loki” to the mental list he was keeping, just after toothbrushes, which was one of the Midgardian objects Jane had mentioned being necessary - it was unclear as to why, though perhaps it had to do with the fragility of mortal bodies. Jane seemed so certain he and Loki needed some, so he was not about to contradict her until he’d looked into the matter.

Currency, food, clothing, toothbrushes, more permanent living arrangements - it wouldn’t be right to take advantage of Jane’s hospitality for too long, she’d already been more than gracious.

Thor inhaled again, the cool rainy morning air calming him somewhat, but not nearly enough. There was too much to think about.

Forget about the rest for now.

 Yes, he would focus on this list first. The rest - all the things he could not make sense of, all the things he had no idea how to fix - he would deal with them later. For now, he would focus on the basic essentials.

This list was not puzzles and secrets - nebulous ideas and currently-unanswerable questions. This list was tasks and items. This list was clear-cut, straightforward, uncomplicated. 

——

Midgardian pawnshops were more interesting than Loki had previously assumed.

However, after the first few, the interest had quickly worn off.

Each shop contained more or less the same Midgardian objects: screens like Jane had around her house, wearable timepieces with numerals engraved in a circle around the faces, quite pathetic-looking jewelry which was no-doubt highly prized by the locals, and the occasional metal contraption like Loki had seen Darcy wrestle out the door this morning - they were called “bikes” apparently. 

He had been right; Thor had brought golden chalices to barter. It seemed an obvious choice, but as the Norns would have it they had thus far had some difficulty making a deal.

Perhaps the sky was a bad omen. Or the humans had noticed the sigils engraved on the cups. They probably didn’t know what they were for, but if they had noticed, they were undoubtedly put off by them. Humans were often superstitious to their own detriment.

With each unsuccessful visit the sky had grown steadily darker, and Thor’s mood seemed to darken along with it. Though Thor was still trying to pretend that wasn’t the case, Loki had noticed the odd expressions covered quickly by smiles.

Just like yesterday when Jane had asked him how long he could stay, and this morning when Thor had tried to hide his worry over currency.

Loki wished Thor would ask him for help, but he also knew that, when it came to Midgard, he was suddenly far less knowledgeable than he used to be. As they’d walked from one shop to the next Loki had realized it was foolish to hope that Thor would trust him with anything. Even disregarding whatever his elder self had done to cause the rift between them, Thor wouldn’t treat him like he used to because he wasn’t his equal now. He was ignorant and essentially useless.

Loki now stood off to the side, running his fingers over the strings of a musical instrument called a “guitar,” making sure he did so gently enough that the noise wouldn’t draw attention. 

“What do you mean you won’t buy it?” Jane seemed to be barely moments from losing her patience and giving up the whole endeavor. “It’s solid gold! It says outside, right above the door ‘Gold’. Are you saying ‘We buy anything for cash’ is just false advertising?”

“I didn’t say- listen,” the man behind the counter sighed, “we can’t just buy items without an ID or some sort of authentication, for all we know these could be stolen.”

Thor’s voice took on an affronted tone, “I assure you they are not! They were a gift.”

“That’s very nice. But if I’m to buy it then I will need some sort of identification so that I can verify with the authorities. It’s standard procedure.”

Thor hesitated, “I don’t hav-“

“Alright, I have an ID.” Jane pulled a card out of her bag and handed it over to the man behind the counter. “Does that work or does it have to be his?”

The man examined the card. “That’ll do,” he said and crouched behind the counter, retrieving papers.

Thor and Jane both drooped in relief. Thor glanced over his shoulder at Loki, smiling slightly before turning back.

Loki hesitantly made his way over to join them by the counter. He stared at one of the timepieces in the glass case, feeling weepy; they’d been at this for hours now. 

It was still several minutes of filling out paperwork before they were ready to leave.

Loki exhaled in relief when they finally were outside standing in the afternoon drizzle again.

And then, to his great horror, Jane pulled out her cell phone and began making plans with Thor to go someplace else. Someplace that did not sound anything like Jane’s apartment. 

Thor said something in agreement with Jane, which Loki did not hear in his distress, and then made to move in the direction opposite the way they had come.

Noooo

He’d spent all morning being well-mannered and nigh-invisible, he couldn’t bear it any longer. 

He surged forward and wrapped his arms around one of Thor’s giant legs. “Thoooooor,” he whined. 

Thankfully Thor stopped, looking down at him with the most flabbergasted expression - it might’ve been funny if Loki had any more energy than he currently did.

I don’t want to go anywhere else I want to go home - back. He knew he couldn’t go home. I wanna go back.

Thor just stared down at him, and then frowned at him. Again!

He keeps frowning! 

“Stop,” Loki said, and then sniffled, which he only felt a little embarrassed by at the moment.

Thor pulled away and knelt down. “Loki? What is it?”

He’d already said! Loki felt the tears coming and scowled in frustration.

Thor glanced over at Jane and back to him, “We’re going to get some food, Loki. It’s not far.”

Midgardian food.

“Let’s go back.” Loki suggested hopelessly. Even when Thor had listened to him Loki had never had much success in getting him not to do something he’d already decided on. He sniffed again.

“We will, Loki, but we still have a couple stops and we should eat first.”

Jane stepped closer. “He’s probably tired,” she said quietly.

Loki nearly turned to glare at her, but cast his gaze downward instead. “I am not tired.” He glared at a little rain-soaked plant growing out of the sidewalk. Silly! Who gets tired from a bit of walking? Midgardians.

He felt Thor’s hand on his arm. “Do you need me to carry you?”

Loki grimaced, “I can walk on my own.” He wasn’t an infant. All of the crying and being carried around yesterday had probably given Thor that notion. Yet here he was again.

Thor looked at him with an odd expression and lowered his voice. “I can carry you if you want.” He offered again.

Loki stared at Thor. Everything about him was so different. So big, so serious, so distant. A distance caused by centuries that he should’ve been a part of, but wasn’t - or, he was but he didn’t remember. 

He felt a surge of loss similar to what he had felt in the throne room when he’d been told about Mother - the vague recollection of himself crying, remorseful of a distance that he had enforced. He got the sense that he had not wanted that distance then, just as he did not want it now.

He didn’t know what he could do to change it.

He was never going to gain Thor’s confidence back if he was constantly bawling like a child over nothing. One couldn’t trust such a person to plot or keep secrets. But perhaps it was too late to convince Thor otherwise.

Then Thor made that expression where he crinkled his eyes and raised his eyebrows hopefully. His earnest, guileless, everything-will-turn-out-fine-in-the-end expression.  It was familiar - so very like Thor. One of the few things that hadn’t changed. Loki could not recall when exactly Thor had started making that face, but he’d used it often, to great effect.

“Do you want me to carry you?” Thor asked again.

Tomorrow.

Loki nodded, feeling rather pathetically pouty. 

Thor smiled brightly down at him, appearing relieved, and lifted Loki into his arms.

He’d work on convincing Thor he was still a trustworthy and competent co-conspirator tomorrow.

Chapter Text

“Do you want me to carry you?” Thor asked again, smiling in a way that he hoped was encouraging or consoling - though his smiles had not yet been very effective on either Loki or Jane this day.

Loki had barely spoken for the last few hours - had hardly looked at him since breakfast. And now he was looking… not quite as miserable as he’d looked yesterday, but certainly too close for comfort.

Hesitantly, Loki nodded, and Thor felt a wave of relief.

When it came to comforting people, he’d never found much success in verbal attempts; it was always best when he could do something: smile, embrace, offer some sort of aid. Whatever it was that was making Loki behave in such a manner, so long as he allowed that sort of comfort Thor felt he might be able to manage.

He lifted Loki into his arms.

Rather than wrap his arms around Thor’s neck as he had yesterday, Loki kept his arms curled up against his chest, clutching at the front of Thor’s jacket and hiding his face.

Thor felt a warmth like a summer breeze as a memory from centuries upon centuries ago resurfaced.

The first time their mother had let him hold Loki, he had curled against his chest in much the same way. Though not much older than a newborn, Loki had been too heavy for his young arms, and Thor had been made to sit on the floor so he wouldn’t drop his baby brother. He had wondered at the smell - like a winter forest, or some kind of mint. With an odd tone in her voice, Mother had quietly told him that all babes smell new and fresh. Then she had poked him and made some jest about the fresh smell only lasting until the babe grew too old to mind their mother and not get dirty. He had said something about Loki losing his fresh smell all the sooner for he had no intention of leaving Loki behind while he had all the fun. Mother had tweaked his ear at that and given him and Loki each a kiss on the head.

The intense feeling of nostalgia that accompanied the memory made Thor pause for a long moment.

“Ready?” Jane asked.

With a misty expression Thor turned to blink at Jane, who seemed confused and tilted her head questioningly at him.

Not knowing quite how to respond to her unspoken question, Thor merely cleared his throat and nodded at her that they were ready.

The walk to the café was shorter than Thor had anticipated- just a few turns down some streets lined with brick buildings, and they came upon their destination.

Just as was shown in the pictures on Jane’s phone, the front of the café was painted in varying shades of green, to match its name.

Thor patted Loki gently on his back. “Here we are, Loki. Look.”

A second passed before Loki exhaled and pulled away, turning in Thor’s arms to look.

Thor smiled at the surprise that flashed across his face.

“This is where we’re eating?” Loki asked, his voice quiet.

Jane glanced back at them as she pulled the door open. “It seemed like a better choice than fast food,” she said as she led the way inside.

There people sitting in mismatched chairs around assorted small round and square wooden tables. Two counters were in the back corner of the room, one painted green, the other painted in a patchwork of colors. Thor followed Jane to the counters. The green counter had a glass case over the top under which a number of breads, pastries, and cakes were laid out. The air was filled with a mix of sweet and savory smells.

In his arms he could feel Loki leaning to look at the treats under the glass. Thor shifted his weight and stepped closer.

“See anything you like?” Jane asked.

Thor glanced at her and back. “There is quite the selection.”

Many of them had apples or berries, which Thor recognized, some had cheeses, or varieties of seeds, there was one that had a mix of an unfamiliar vegetable and bacon.

While Thor and Loki eyed the treats, Jane ordered them something called a “panini.” Thor heard the word chicken, so it sounded acceptable.

Turning back to them she asked again if they wanted any of the pastries.

Thor nodded, and looked at Loki who shook his head despite being clearly besotted.

Thor frowned a little, and pointed out one with brie and figs, and another with blackberries.

Loki turned from the glass to frown at him. “I said I didn’t want one!” Loki objected quietly.

“I know,” Thor replied in a serious tone. “I shall eat them both, of course.”

Jane took the baked goods from the man behind the counter and directed Thor towards a tiny round table where they could sit to await the paninis.

After briefly considering keeping Loki with him, Thor reluctantly set Loki in his own seat. Then, feeling oddly bereft, he pulled one of the other chairs over with his foot so that it was closer and sat down.

The atmosphere in the café was pleasant; the sound of dish-ware clinking, customers chatting, and some sort of Midgardian music playing softly created a sense of calm. Afternoon light filtered through the windows, even as it continued to drizzle outside.

Thor’s gaze met Jane’s and he smiled at her. “I am most grateful to you Jane. Earth’s bartering system is more complicated than I had anticipated. I feel I might have been lost without your assistance.”

Jane grinned at him, “Happy to be of assistance. Although, I really didn’t know that much about it myself before today. I think if this last guy hadn’t worked out I might’ve lost it.”

Thor frowned in confusion, “Lost what?”

“My cool,” Jane replied, sounding equally as confused. Then she smiled again. “Oh, er… my patience or…temper…” she finished uncertainly.

“Ah,” Thor nodded, “You mean you might’ve flown into a rage?”

“Oh yeah, definitely! I was this close to hulking out.” Jane laughed, holding up a hand with two fingers close together.

Thor grinned back, though he was doubtful Jane would’ve lost her temper in such a manner, it was amusing to picture.

One of her phrases sounded familiar. “‘Hulking out’… is this a reference to Dr. Banner?”

“Yeah,” Jane sounded a little surprised again, “that’s what they’ve been calling it.”

“They?” Thor asked.

“Newscasters, gossip columns, all the talk show hosts, random fans who dress up and stand outside of Stark tower.”

“Oh,” Thor said, a few of those words were unfamiliar, but he gathered that “they” were simply people who spread tales.

“It has been over a year since New York.” Jane said in a subdued tone, her mouth twisted wryly and she turned to look towards the counter. “The Avengers are basically celebrities now.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Loki’s head go up. Thor looked down at him just as Loki’s wide eyes turned from Jane to meet his.

Loki blinked and averted his gaze to something on the other side of the room.

Thor had no chance to wonder at this before Jane continued.

“When you were fighting Malekith the other day, there were a bunch of people lined up in the library watching you through the windows, trying to take pictures.” She rolled her eyes.

“Ah, then that accounts for yesterday.”

“Yesterday?”

“When we arrived from the Bifrost I brought Loki to a park and there were a number of people taking pictures of us.” Thor crossed his arms over his chest and sat back.

“You went to the park? Why?”

“It-“ Thor glanced down at Loki again, “I thought it would be a calming place to collect one’s thoughts.”

Just then the food was ready; Jane went to the counter exchanging a piece of paper for the tray.

It occurred to Thor suddenly that he had currency now. “Ah, I should have paid.”

Jane set the tray down, “What?”

“I am not… It has been a while since I’ve had to pay for food, I did not think to offer.”

Jane stared for a second. “Oh,” she let out a small snort of laughter, and began setting the plates of paninis in front of each of them. Paninis were apparently a sort of sandwich. “Save your money, it’s fine. I mean, what you got from the pawn shop is only going to last so long and you don’t even have a job yet, so I can pick up the tab for a while.”

Jane had also ordered a large plate of roasted potatoes, some of which she scooped onto her plate before handing the serving fork to Thor.

“You need not have paid though, there is more than enough.” Thor scooped some of the garlicky potatoes onto Loki’s plate and then his own. “I am sure to find employment long before I run out of money.”

Jane grimaced, “Still, though, it’s not that much…”

Thor paused, considering Jane’s expression. He tossed a potato in his mouth and looked at the ceiling, running through his memory. “Do you think it unlikely for me to find employment in under a year?”

Across from him Jane jolted in apparent shock. “What?” She gasped. “A year?”

Confused, Thor frowned. “The last I was aware two thousand would be adequate…”

“What ?” Jane’s eyes were wide with astonishment. “That’s- no, that’s only about a month worth of living expenses if you’re living somewhere cheap. London is not cheap.”

“A month?” Thor gaped at Jane and then glanced at Loki again, who had yet to touch his food and was frowning across the table at Jane.

A month was hardly any time at all.

“I’m sorry,” Jane said, “It’s not a huge deal, you’re staying with me so it’ll be okay, but I probably should’ve explained, it didn’t really occur to me…”

Thor shook his head, trying to calm himself, and waved away Jane’s apology, “No, it is nothing to apologize for, I keep forgetting how quickly Earth changes.” He reached for his drink and smiled at her, “I shall just have to be more quick to find employment.”

“Would…” Loki began, voice trailing off as Thor and Jane both turned to look at him. He blinked at them and withdrew a bit at the sudden attention.

“Go on,” Thor prompted.

Loki glanced at him and then at Jane. “Would it have made a difference if we had told the man that the chalices were magic?”

Jane’s eyes widened. “Magic?” She looked at Thor.

Thor looked from her to Loki.

“The sigils…” Loki hesitated again.

“What of them?” Thor asked.

Loki tilted his head a little, and frowned in an accusing way as if Thor were the confusing one. “Well, you saw them.”

Jane piped up, “Are you talking about the etchings around the cups?”

Loki nodded.

“Those are magic?” Jane gaped at Loki and glanced back to Thor. “What do they do?”

Thor felt his face warm a little. “I… did not read them. I thought they were inactive.”

He looked back at Loki who looked baffled.

“They- they’re protection sigils. Those ones were for good health and to keep the drinks from being poisoned.” Loki explained to Jane and then turned to Thor again, looking scandalized.

Feeling embarrassed, Thor frowned back. “Why did you not mention this before?”

Loki’s eyes looked a bit shinier and he blinked at Thor. “I thought- you-“ he stammered and glanced at Jane and back again. “They were clearly visible,” he cringed, “I thought you were intentionally not mentioning them.”

“Why would I not?”

Loki looked around him and, leaning toward Thor with a hand hiding his mouth, lowered his voice to just above a whisper, “Because of how superstitious mortals are about magic.”

“Ah,” Thor huffed out a breath, half annoyance, half amusement and narrowed his eyes at Loki. “That was ages ago Loki. Opinions have changed - few humans even seem to believe in magic anymore.”

Loki pulled back in surprise, “What?” He looked at Jane.

“It’s true,” she said almost apologetically. “So I don’t think we could’ve gotten any more money. It’d be hard to do a demonstration… and even if we could prove the chalices were magic, it’s not like poisoning is something most people worry about here anyway. Well…” she paused, tilting her head to the side and waving a hand in an unsure gesture, “I guess it depends on what you’d consider poison.” She stopped to take a bite of her sandwich, eyes glinting with interest as she apparently continued to think about the chalices, but otherwise dropped the subject.

It was too late now to fret over the chalices, Thor told himself. He had enough, it would suffice until he could find some manner of work; surely it would not be difficult, he was not entirely without skills and whatever he lacked would be more than accounted for in strength. For a moment, he would allow himself to forget all the pressing matters and enjoy the meal.

Thor took a bite of his sandwich as well. It was hot and cheesy. He closed his eyes, relishing the delicious combination of flavors.

He opened his eyes and realized Loki had still not touched his food. “Eat, Loki. Why are you not eating?”

Loki’s bright eyes searched his face, taking on a bewildered expression. He breathed out, turning back to his plate, and poked at one of the wedges of potato. “What is it?”

“Potatoes,” Thor stated, picking up one of his own and popping it into his mouth.

Loki stared blankly at him.

“You don’t have potatoes on Asgard?” Jane asked.

“We do,” Thor said.

“No,” Loki said at the same time.

Jane looked back and forth between them.

Loki frowned in confusion at Thor again; he seemed to be doing that a lot. It was an interesting reversal of roles.

“Yes, we do,” Thor insisted. “You’ve had jordepli from Vanaheim.”

Loki nodded.

“That’s what this is.” Thor nodded towards his plate and ate another.

“Ah,” Loki looked at the potatoes again. “But why are they brown?”

“Tis just the way of it here, but the color does not affect the taste.”

Hesitantly, Loki took a bite of a potato wedge.

To Thor’s alarm, Loki suddenly looked very close to tears.

Thor leaned closer, a hand hovering over Loki worriedly. “What’s wrong, Loki?”

There was a long pause. Loki shook his head. He finished chewing and swallowed. “Nothing,” he replied in a small voice, sniffling. “It is very good.” He took another bite.

Thor felt a sudden rush of fondness that nearly overwhelmed him, and for a moment he feared he might be brought to tears as well.

He could not be certain, but he thought he understood Loki in this moment. When Father had banished him to Earth, there had been little he was familiar with. He would be loathe to admit being frightened over the idea of never experiencing the familiarities of home again, nevertheless he had been frightened. It had been no small comfort when Selvig had drunk with him that one night. It had not been quite like being surrounded by his friends on Asgard, but it had felt more like Asgard than he could have hoped, when he had thought he might never see home again.

Despite finding friends on Midgard, and despite having had experience with traveling to unfamiliar realms, it had still been a great blow. Unlike him, Loki at this age had not the centuries of experience traveling to fall back on.

A thought occurred to him.

“Loki, how old are you now?”

Loki blinked tearily up at Thor. “Two hundred…” he stopped a moment to count - Loki had always been more precise when it came to keeping track of his age, “eighty three,” he finished, looking at Thor questioningly. His nose was running a bit due to the tears.

Thor handed him a napkin, nodding to himself.

So his guess yesterday that Loki was about eight hundred years younger than he had been was correct.

At that age Loki had only been to a small portion of Vanaheim as it was Mother’s home-world. And that portion of Vanaheim had been similar enough to Asgard that it had barely registered to either of them as another Realm. To an inexperienced, young Loki modern-day Midgard, by contrast, may as well be a world beyond the Nine, so different was it from home. The thought made Thor suddenly immensely grateful for potatoes.

Jane made a strange sound from across the table. “Excuse me, WHAT?”

Thor looked up.

Jane set down her drink. “What do you mean, ‘two hundred eighty three’?” She glanced between Thor and Loki.

Thor stared, not understanding how to interpret her tone, nor knowing exactly what she was asking.

Jane gaped at him and gestured to Loki. “He looks like a tall five-year-old.”

Thor glanced at Loki, who looked equally as confused.

“It’s just-“ Jane looked between them, then leaned towards Loki, “how old would you be in human years, do you think?”

The expression that crossed Loki’s face was akin to what one would expect from someone asked to complete a week-worth of lessons in a day. He shot a beseeching look at Thor.

Thor shrugged. He was no more  inclined to bother with such calculations while he was eating than Loki appeared to be.

Jane seemed to pick up on this reluctance. “Ok, what I mean is… how long have you been,” she waved her hand at Loki, “this age? I mean, aside from the- the… magic de-aging thing. From what you remember - how long have you looked like this age that you are right now.”

Thor thought the question was not much easier to answer. Even humans did not look distinctly different from one age to the next.

Loki made a face, pausing for a moment to consider. “A few decades, I suppose.”

“A few decades,” Jane repeated, looking stunned. She turned to Thor. “And that’s the same for you? You’ve looked about this age for decades now?” She waved her hand at him.

Thor smiled a bit, “Do I not look older than when we first met?” he said teasingly, gesturing to his head. “I changed my hair.”

Jane blinked at him. “But, you don’t really age much either, do you? You’re going to look this old for a while?”

Thor chuckled, “How old would you say I look?” He leant forward to take another bite of his food, and smiled up at her.

“I don’t know; somewhere in your 20s?” she guessed. “Sometimes you look early 20s, sometimes you look late 20s, most of the time just somewhere in between. It’s hard to tell, it seems to change depending on your mood. I’ve kind of just been assuming you were basically around my age!” She huffed and sat back in her chair.

Thor startled, for a moment thinking that sounded all at once incredibly young and at the same time too old for him by comparison - perhaps Heimdall or Volstagg’s age. Jane’s last sentence, however put him at ease. If Jane was somewhere in her 20s that seemed about right.

Thor laughed. “I am certainly far older than 20!” He took another bite and then added, “but I think your estimate is not far off.”

Loki looked up at him, he had eaten most of his potatoes, but had not touched his sandwich yet. “How old are you now?” He asked curiously.

“Oh, nearly 1,500 or so,” Thor said lightly - unlike Loki he’d never much cared for keeping track more accurately. He’d be 1,500 sometime in under a quarter of a century. It occurred to him that it would likely be within the decade.

A milestone. Something worth celebrating with loved ones.

At that thought, he suddenly did not wish to think of it at all.

He pointed to the panini on Loki’s plate. “Eat this too, Loki. It’s good.”

Loki ignored his comment about the panini, eyes widening. “So old?” He gasped, quietly.

“Not that old.” Thor scowled, not liking being thought of as old any more than he liked his elders calling him a boy.

He glanced at Jane, then back to Loki.

They both looked distressed for some reason he couldn’t fathom.

“What is the matter?” Thor asked.

Loki blinked, shook his head emphatically, and finally turned his attention to the sandwich in front of him.

Thor frowned and looked at Jane. “You knew before, I am far older than I appear.”

“I did, yeah, of course I knew that. I just- it didn’t occur to me that -“ she paused and her gaze shifted like it did when she was making calculations. “Well…”

Thor shifted uncomfortably.

“…In fifty years you’ll still look like this,” she waved at him, “Right? Or is there some sort of time distortion math I’m overlooking?”

Thor swallowed, not liking where this conversation was headed. “No, you’re right.”

Jane seemed to be steeling herself, taking a deep breath.

An older woman opened the door, letting in a rush of cool air. “Lord! What is this? Shoulda brought my wellies,” she exclaimed. The woman standing next to her gave an agreeing groan of annoyance.

Jane and Thor turned to look at the rain, now coming down in sheets.

Thor gritted his teeth, before turning to smile sheepishly at Jane.

Jane bit her lip, and then picked her sandwich up, “It’s fine. It can wait till later.”

It could wait forever as far as he was concerned. He wasn’t ready for another discussion about Jane’s mortality. There was nothing to be done about it; what good would come of discussing it?

You’ll never be ready.

Thor watched her for a moment, partly glad that the rain had somehow ended the conversation and partly worried that she might think he’d done it intentionally.

He breathed in through his mouth and out through his nose and glanced down at Loki who had a napkin to his mouth.

Loki pulled the napkin away and stared at it. He then looked up at Thor, surprise flashing across his face as he noticed Thor watching, which quickly morphed into something between a look of betrayal and guilt.

The peculiar expression put Thor even more on edge. “What’s wrong?” He asked in a low voice.

For a long moment Loki’s wide eyes searched his face.

The color of blackbird or magpie eggs.

It was something he had noticed once, long ago, when Loki had first started studying animals for shapeshifting and had enthusiastically shown Thor the pictures in his books. Early on, Loki had chattered for hours, going into unnecessary detail.  He had shown Thor catalogues of creatures he wanted to try shifting into. Amongst the catalogues there had been pictures of every possible thing pertaining to birds, from anatomy to nesting habits. Thor had noted the eggs and thought it a funny coincidence that, besides other similarities, the birds Loki had the easiest time with layed eggs the same color as his eyes.

Thor wondered briefly now if Darcy’s talk about Phoenixes yesterday had caused him to keep thinking about Loki in relation to birds.

Loki blinked, apparently having come to a decision.

Thor waited, hoping whatever it was Loki said would have an easy solution.

Loki pushed his plate towards Thor, few bits of potato, and the entire panini minus a tiny bite. “You can have it. I’m not hungry.”

Thor glanced at the plate and back.

After that long deliberation, that was all it was? Not hungry?

“You’ve hardly eaten.”

Loki shook his head. “I had the… the potatoes.”

Thor scoffed, “That’s not enough.”

“Yes, it was,” Loki assured him and turned to Jane, “Thank you, they were very good,” he said politely.

Jane, in the middle of a drink, held a hand in front of her mouth and bobbed her head in response.

Thor frowned, running through the list of what Loki had eaten throughout the day: two eggs, half a piece of toast, milk, some potatoes.

Not nearly enough.

That wasn’t even accounting for energy loss from whatever magic he’d done, and had he even eaten in the cell between Svartlheim and when Thor saw him? No, they’d said he’d been asleep.

Loki had never had the biggest appetite, but Thor knew he needed more energy than that.

…and there was no longer anyone else to care about such things.

“That was not enough.” Thor insisted, pushing the plate back toward his brother. “Eat, Loki, you need to eat.”

“But-“

Thor pointed at the plate.

Loki turned to the plate and picked up one of the remaining potatoes instead.

Thor narrowed his eyes.

“Should I order something else?” Jane asked. “Is it the pesto? It’s probably weird, for you right? Maybe they have chicken nuggets or something-“

Loki seemed to turn green at the suggestion.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been around kids,” Jane continued quickly, “I totally forgot how picky kids can be. Do you-“ she glanced at Thor.

“No!” Loki exclaimed, “this is fine.” He picked up the sandwich and took a bite, chewing quickly with an expression that almost convinced Thor that he liked it after all, until he gave an involuntary shudder.

Alarmed, Thor picked up a napkin and held it in front of Loki’s mouth. “Enough, never mind.”

Loki took the napkin and spat out the food.

Thor pulled Loki’s plate back towards himself to examine the sandwich.

“Is it bad?” Jane asked, sounding shocked.

It didn’t look or smell bad. It probably wasn’t rotten, as Loki had offered it to him a second ago. Thor picked it up and took a tentative bite just to be sure. It was just as delicious as the one he’d eaten.

What?

He gazed down at Loki, who was looking ashamedly at the napkin in his hands.

“Ohh,” Thor breathed out a gust of air, loudly enough to make a few other diners turn to look.

It was such a long time ago, and it had not yet happened for Loki at this age, but Thor remembered now, one of the rare occasions Loki had openly disagreed with their father. Loki had been so mad, he’d turned into a goat and bleated in Father’s face, and Mother had had to intervene.

At the time it had been the most impressive thing Thor had ever seen Loki do, though he had not understood why, of all things to finally fight their Father over, Loki had chosen something as pointless as food.

Before that night, he’d even joined in on teasing Loki about it - you can’t grow big and strong if you only eat vegetables. But Loki had only given Thor his portions and told him not to mention it in front of Father. It had lasted a few centuries until Father had took notice, and he had tolerated Loki being difficult for only a short while.

After that one argument with Father, the matter had seemed to resolve itself, and Thor hadn’t given it a second thought.

It was such a distant memory, it had barely registered when Father had mentioned it the other day.

A goat at a banquet table…

“Oh, Loki…” Thor sighed.

He picked up Loki’s drink and offered it to him, then set about peeling the cheesy slices of bread apart and picking out the bits of chicken.

“What?” Jane asked. “What am I missing? What’s wrong?”

Thor looked up at her, feeling a little embarrassed. He had let Jane order for them, since she knew what everything was and the proper way of doing things. If he’d remembered sooner, Jane would not have wasted her money.

How to explain without insulting her…

“Umm.. We do not mean to be ungrateful… I forgot Loki did not eat meat.”

“Oh,” Jane blinked and glanced at Loki, “it makes you sick?”

Loki blushed, “N-“ he cut off, looking uncertain.

“He…” Thor reached up to rub his neck, and then remembered his fingers were covered in the green sauce and lowered his hand. “Loki has never much liked the idea of eating animals…”

Jane’s eyebrows shot up, “You mean he’s a vegetarian?” She sounded shocked.

“Uhh,” Thor said, unsure of exactly what that meant. He knew not liking the idea of it was not a very good excuse for refusing hospitality. It had just been a phase the first time around, and Loki had seen sense eventually, but…

Apparently his lack of response was enough for Jane. “Okay, we can get you something else,” she said easily, addressing Loki and not sounding the slightest bit offended. She made a face at Thor, “You don’t need to pick apart the sandwich.”

Thor and Loki both stared at her in stunned silence.

“It’s really not a big deal,” she said, smiling wryly at them, moving to stand up.

Thor blinked, “I’ll pay,” he offered quickly, standing.

Jane leaned over in a conspiratorial manner, “You don’t have your money on you,” she said good-naturedly, picking up her bag in which they’d stored the money from the pawn shop.

Thor felt his face heat up. “I would rather use mine than yours. You have been generous enough.”

Jane smiled. “I really don’t mind.”

“I do.” Thor held out his hand and waited until Jane relented and placed two pieces of paper with pictures of a group of women and another woman’s face on them. The words “Bank of England” and “five pounds” were printed on them.

Thor tilted his head toward the counter, beckoning Loki who slid off his chair.

Jane hesitated before sitting back down.

Loki stood with him in front of the tall counter, shifting from one foot to the other. “I would’ve eaten it,” he said.

Thor grunted. He didn’t doubt that, but after Jane had so easily offered to buy something else, It felt wrong to make Loki eat it, even if he’d picked the meat out.

He looked down at Loki who was wringing his hands and glancing back at the table with a guilty expression.

Grimacing, Thor bent down to pick him up.

Loki made a surprised noise at being lifted, looking at him with those wide worried eggshell eyes.

“Don’t fret about it, Loki,” he said softly, “Tis a small matter.” He shifted Loki’s weight in his arms and nodded at the menu, “You can read this type of English?”

Loki paused, examined the menu and nodded.

“Good. Pick something you can eat.”

Loki glanced from him to the menu and Thor watched as his eyes scanned, flickering between recognition and confusion.

“…A-voca-do… what is that?” Loki asked under his breath, not really sounding like he expected an answer.

Thor shrugged. “Something that looks like a sick pear. They say ‘Avo-CAW-doe’.”

“Ah,” Loki nodded once, then returned his attention to the menu. “Tome-a-to… tome-a-toe?” he sounded out, “sun dried…?” Loki read, looking baffled.

“Tom-AY-toes,” Thor corrected. “They are round, bright red fruits.”

Loki turned to look at him. “What do they taste like?” He asked timidly.

Thor made a face, trying to figure out how to describe it. “Water.”

“Water?”

“Sour water,” Thor amended, shrugging again; he hadn’t been impressed.

Loki’s nose wrinkled in distaste.

If Thor were being honest, most vegetables tasted like water. He realized he should probably keep his opinions to himself, not wanting to discourage Loki from eating.

After some deliberation Loki decided on grilled sourdough with goat cheese and basil, which were all familiar.

Hardly a complete meal, Thor thought as he ordered for him, and they returned to their table.

He wondered if this was yet another thing he should worry over. It couldn’t be healthy. If he did nothing about it, would Loki grow into an even smaller and weaker version of what he once was? He’d never really known what had changed Loki’s mind before, but he didn’t want to push it and end up taking Father’s role in that argument.

It had been a few centuries before their father had found out and pressed the matter though, and Loki had turned out… perhaps not quite as strong as he might’ve been, but mostly fine…

He had a sudden, startling thought and hoped Loki’s madness from the last couple years was not in some way related to lack of nutrients when he was young. The mind was part of the body, after all - not that Loki was weak-minded, but if magic took so much energy as he’d often been told, it could not have helped that Loki had resisted eating properly.

At that thought, Thor decided to give Loki’s diet a tentative spot on the list of things to look into in the future.

Chapter Text

It had been easy enough for Thor to tell Loki not to fret over things. Loki had always found it another matter entirely to put the concept into practice, especially when it came to Thor. And in this case, Loki couldn’t help but worry over the rate at which Thor was spending his money.

After they had sat back at the table, Thor had enthusiastically set about eating Loki’s discarded sandwich and that had made Loki feel at least a little better. He’d downed it in only a few large bites, and Loki was reminded that, as a now much larger adult, Thor was very likely even more of a bottomless pit than he ever had been. So the extra expense of buying him a new meal hadn’t felt like as much of a waste, because Thor might’ve required another meal anyway.

Then they had trotted through the rain to an indoor market across the road from the café and, at Jane’s suggestion, Thor had begun putting all manner of vegetables - both familiar and strange, into a basket alongside small metal cylinders and grapes. It was then that Loki had resumed worrying.

Jane had told him, in a voice which was probably meant to be encouraging, that most of the produce was imported from warmer climates such as France and Spain, maybe even Italy. She had picked up an avocado - which did look rather like a sickly pear, noting with surprise that it was actually from Peru, then proceeding to put a couple of the strange fruits in her basket.

It was becoming apparent that, despite her unassuming nature and the humble size of her dwelling, Jane was likely considered wealthy by Midgardian standards, and thus not inclined to encourage Thor to be frugal. Even though she clearly knew the predicament they were in.

With every suggestion she gave to Thor, Loki had found himself struggling not to scowl at the woman. He had reminded himself that Jane had already been exceptionally generous and kind to them. It wouldn’t be fair of him to fault her for traits that he had just moments ago been grateful for… even if it was a bad influence on Thor who had always been far too indulgent and clearly hadn’t changed over the years - at least, not in that regard.

After the market, they had taken one of the strange metal contraptions that truly looked like what he’d been told existed on Hala rather than Midgard, and had entered another building filled with clothing, ready-made and stacked on shelves or hung along the walls like dried herbs in a kitchen.

Thor had then begun insisting Loki pick something.

And that was the point at which Loki could no longer withhold his protests.

“But I have no need of it, Thor!” Loki tried again.

“Yes, you have!” Thor insisted. “You have only what’s on your back,” he tossed the abnormally bright green shirt into the basket. “I never thought it would be so difficult convincing you of all people that you need spare clothing,” he added under his breath.

Loki blinked at his brother, not entirely sure what to make of that comment.

He was not trying to be difficult. That was the exact opposite of what he wanted.

He decided to change tactics.

“Can it not wait until later?”

Thor frowned, “Why should it wait till later when we are here now?”

Loki nodded in Jane’s direction - she had graciously given them space and was looking at a shelf of the most colorful short stockings Loki had ever set eyes upon. “Jane said the money would not last long. I will make do with what I have until we can get more.”

Thor looked taken aback then looked at him with another of those odd expressions. “That’s not something you need concern yourself with, I will obtain work easily enough.” He turned towards the wall of trousers, “In the meantime you need more than what you are wearing. And you need a coat.”

What?

Eyes wide, Loki came up beside Thor, “A goat?”

“Yes,” Thor pulled at the edge of the light brown outer garment he was wearing, “like this.”

Oh.

Loki eyed Thor’s outfit briefly, thinking that it wasn’t a very creative name for it, and that the garment didn’t really look like goat’s wool. It was far less agreeable on several counts, but made more sense than randomly purchasing a barn animal, he supposed. Except that it was wholly unnecessary.

Loki made a face. “Why? To humor Jane? Is that not what this is for?” He gestured at the blue and green garment Jane had given him to wear.

“That is Jane’s, she’ll be wanting it back.” Thor pulled a pair of trousers off the shelf and knelt down holding it up to Loki to compare size. “Besides it is nearly winter; I doubt it will be warm enough.”

“You know I never mind being cold.”

Thor made a face and turned back to the shelf, tossing the first pair of trousers roughly onto the messy pile and pulling out another.

“How can a goat truly keep you warm? It does not even cover your legs…” Loki continued hesitantly.

Thor held up another pair of trousers. “All the long ones are too wide in the waist…” he muttered, ignoring Loki’s comment.

“I- I may just as well go without…”

Thor’s eyes flashed up to meet his, “We are getting you spare clothes, and we are getting you a coat. And if there are no coats long enough, you will just have to wear two layers of trousers along with it. I will not have you going around half-dressed when I am able to provide for you,” he said, voice tight with annoyance. “Perhaps you have not seen them yet, but soon enough the human children will all be running about bundled up; you will look out-of-place if you are not dressed properly.”

With that, Thor turned determinedly back to his mission of finding trousers that might fit, effectively putting an end to Loki’s attempts to curtail his spending.

Loki bit his lip and looked around.

So it was a matter of blending in amongst the mortals?

The concept of the Thor he knew needing or wanting, or even being capable of, going unnoticed was completely foreign.

It then occurred to Loki that his elder self had very recently made an attempt at conquest of this Realm. …As Father had said, the people here would be none too happy to find that Thor had returned with their “would be conquerer.” Loki could hardly argue with Thor’s desire not to draw any undue attention their way.

Loki sighed quietly and peered into the cart. Alongside the container of food left over from their meal and the bags containing what they’d bought at the market was a colorful outfit called “pajamas”, which Thor had dropped into the cart when Loki had refused to pick anything.

Earlier Loki had paused to admire the outfit - dark green with a pattern featuring the white bears he’d read about alongside what appeared to be some sort of auk with saffron neck markings, all wearing little red hats.

Such surprisingly intricate details for something from Midgard - not to mention the bright colors and luxuriously soft fabric. Loki reached through a hole in the side of the cart and poked the garment; his finger almost disappeared into the lush fabric. It was no doubt incredibly expensive.

It hardly seemed necessary to buy something so pretty and costly for sleeping in.

Stepping up onto the lower bar of the cart, Loki pulled himself up and reached down into the basket, attempting to pull out the pajamas and the garish shirt Thor had tossed in.

———

Jane stood staring at the rack of kids’ socks.

There were packs of 3, 6, 10… ranging from plain black or white to colorful ones with cartoon characters.

She narrowed in on the green ones, since that seemed to be the color Thor was gravitating towards.

There were packs of socks for that Monsters Inc. sequel, with the green guy with one eye. Jane picked one out, looked at the back, and realized she had no idea how to pick out clothes in UK kid sizes. The socks in her hand seemed big though. She shuffled to the left, scanning the shelf.

5T… toddler sized? Was that right?

She glanced back to where Thor crouched in front of his brother. In those positions Loki’s head was slightly higher than Thor’s. He was about hip height, maybe taller depending on if it was her or Thor he was next to. That was tall, wasn’t it? Not knowing exactly what age he would be if he was human made it hard to judge, she didn’t have much to base it off of. It wasn’t like she was around kids often enough to know what was typical. She wouldn’t call him a toddler, though. He was tall, but definitely not like a big kid - he was like… a tall little kid. She had no idea what that meant when it came to socks.

Jane picked out a few more packs of socks, analyzing the back. Most of them were based on shoe size, which of course she wouldn’t know either.

For a second she wondered if Thor knew. Then it occurred to her that Asgard probably didn’t even have any sort of standard for shoe sizes. They probably made everything to order.

Weird. This is so, so weird.

It was just last week she’d finally left the house and gotten cleaned up and gone on a date after spending months sulking over the fact that Thor apparently didn’t care enough to visit her. Now here she was trying to pick out socks for his little brother who only a few days ago was dead, and only a few hours before that he’d been a full-grown adult who’d terrorized New York.

Jane picked out a really adorable 6-pack of socks with turtles and frogs on it from the toddler section and then an 8-pack of multicolored, striped socks from the next size up, just in case.

She needed more coffee, is what she needed.

She’d gotten a little carried away last night and stayed up past 2:00 a.m. trying to find some sort of explanation for how all this magic-that’s-not-just-science stuff worked.

Which was ridiculous, right? She knew it was.

If she’d somehow been able to come up with some sort of magical theory overnight she should’ve won a prize, and a whole bunch of grants. It really would have been impressive considering it was so far outside her area of expertise.

But Thor had seemed so… lost. She’d wanted to help.

And the idea that maybe her science knowledge might give her some insight into this whole other world of magic - it was too interesting an idea to just brush off as past her understanding to bother trying. It would’ve been insulting, really, she would’ve let herself down if she hadn’t tried.

If only she’d been able to ask about it a few days ago when Thor’s brother was able to answer; she could’ve picked his brain. But he was evil and she’d been kind of dying from the Aether sapping her energy.

Man, that timing sucks.

Jane sighed and stared down at the packs of socks in her hands. The tiny little 5-year-old baby socks.

Two hundred eighty-something…

Fifteen hundred…

One thousand five hundred…

She took out her phone and, out of sheer curiosity, googled “how long does it take for socks to degrade?”

Then she spent another couple minutes staring at her phone as the calculations ran in her mind. In the right conditions the socks might disintegrate long before either of them would grow noticeably older.

That’s…

She wasn’t going to freak out about it. She wasn’t.

Most people get holes in their socks and throw them away eventually, it didn’t mean you just stopped… buying socks.

Might as well get cute ones - enjoy them while you have them.

She scrolled through the page, considering the biodegradability of various natural and man-made objects and vaguely estimating how old Thor would be - what he might look like.

It wasn’t like she didn’t already know Thor was old. Honestly, it was surprising that he wasn’t even older, considering the myths. But in the short time she’d known him he’d never seemed old - with the exception of the last week or so, when she could see the loss of his mom and brother and the stress of everything had taken a toll on him.

Jane glanced towards Thor who was just then crouched on the ground explaining something to his brother.

She guessed it made sense now. He didn’t seem like some wise ancient deity because, despite having lived literally hundreds of years, he just wasn’t. He was young.

And, if her math was right… he would probably stay that way for a very, very long time.

Jane frowned down at her phone, at an article on the lifespan of a car tire.

She jumped as a series of loud chimes announced texts from Darcy. Muting her phone she clicked over to check the messages.

> Done with class
> Got the list
> Have to meet Ian
> Tell me if you thought of anything else
> How’s pawn shopping going?

“Oh that’s where the list went,” Jane murmured.

< We sold the chalice and got maybe a month’s rent out of it. Picked up some veggies and ingredients for guacamole and got cans of soup and beans and now we’re buying clothes for Loki.

> Huh pawn shops sell food now who knew
> Missing New Mexico?
> We having tacos?

< Maybe
< Loki is a vegetarian. All I could think of was vegetables and beans idk what else to get. Do kids eat tofu?

> omg

There was a long pause as Jane watched the ellipses, waiting for Darcy’s next message. She glanced over towards the brothers again. Loki was now clinging to the side of the cart and struggling to reach the clothes at the bottom.

> I was gonna make a joke but it’s kinda problematic to equate eating habits with morality. Ironic though.
> The kids I know eat macaroni, chicken nuggets and corn dogs
> Exclusively
> Almost
> You want macaroni?

Jane shrugged.

< Sure
< Whatever you think might work.

Darcy sent a thumbs up emoji.

< Oh wait
< No
< Just get the noodles

> ???

< Idk if they’d eat powdered cheese

> Gotcha
> This’d be a whole lot easier with a car btw

Jane sent a thumbs up and the little praying hands to say “thanks,” then sighed again and put her phone away.

“Loki, just leave them,” Thor said, sounding exasperated.

Jane turned to see Loki, feet now back on the ground, dragging a fluorescent green shirt and the PJs down from the cart.

She was too far away to hear Loki’s quiet response.

She headed towards them.

“Jane seems to think so,” Thor replied to him, gently tugging the clothes out of Loki’s resistant little hands and tossing them back into the cart.

Loki’s quiet protest became more clear as Jane got closer. “-sense. If we’re meant to be blending in amongst the humans what does it matter what I slee-“ He shot what Jane could only assume was an annoyed look in her direction, then his eyes widened suddenly as he realized she was there, and he flushed pink.

Jane smiled maybe one of her most awkward smiles at the kid, glancing between him and Thor. “What’s wrong now?”

Thor looked up at her, shaking his head, then looked back at Loki and huffed out a sigh. “He’s objecting to everything,” Thor said flatly.

Loki seemed to shrink a little in response.

“Oh.” She and Thor had both seen him staring at the PJs and had assumed he liked them. “Okay…” Jane looked around till she spotted the area where they’d found the PJs, and pointed that direction. “Well there’s others if you want something else.”

Loki balked, looking toward the rack and back at her, “I don’t-“

It really was hard to believe this kid was the same person she’d met before. The similarities were obviously there, but even having been told by Thor that this was the same Loki, Jane struggled to wrap her mind around the fact. Admittedly, she’d technically only known the other Loki for less than a day. She’d seen him on the news, though, so she thought she had a clear idea of what he was generally like. The difference between that Loki and this one was surprising. Startling, even.

Jane watched the little Loki in front of her, bundled in one of her favorite plaid shirts, nervously playing with the hem as they waited for him to say more.

She tried to imagine this kid - considered a toddler by the people who categorize sock sizes - declaring his intent for world domination. The very real terrible actions of the other Loki seemed so laughably unlikely for this one that the idea almost made Jane smile despite herself.

After a minute Jane realized Loki wasn’t going to say anything else, so she presented the packs of socks she’d found, explaining the difference in price to Thor before handing them to Loki to choose from.

Loki glanced at the packet of striped socks on top, then at the ones with frogs and turtles.

“Ohhh!” Loki breathed, eyes widening.

HA Jane pursed her lips, trying not to look too smug. I pick good socks. I pick the best socks. That’s me, Dr. Jane Foster, astrophysicist and picker of cute animal print socks. Do I know anything about magic? Not really. My skills lie elsewhere: particle physics, cute socks.

“You like them?” she asked.

Loki blinked up at her, looking honestly pretty delighted. Then he glanced at Thor, back to the socks, at Thor again, and then more timidly up at her. “Are you cer- is it… right…” his voice trailed off.

Jane and Thor shared a confused look.

“Is what right, Loki?” Thor asked, resting back on his heels.

Loki stared at him owlishly and then huffed out a frustrated sigh, “All of these bright colors - the fabric,” he gestured toward the items in the cart, “are they not… too costly?”

“Loki, I told you not to concern yourself-“ Thor started.

Loki shook his head. “What I mean is, if we want to go unnoticed should we not both be dressed commonly?” He gestured at Thor.

“Huh?” Jane glanced at Thor who seemed to not grasp what Loki meant either.

“Will people not be more likely to notice us if… if…” he held up the sock packets, shaking them a little for emphasis, “if I go about flaunting what little wealth we do have?”

What?

Jane shook her head. “With… socks?” Was there anyone who ever flaunted their wealth with socks?

Jane just stared down at him, and then looked over at an equally confused-looking Thor.

For a minute there was just the sound of wet shoes squeaking and the faint beeping of the checkout stands near the front of the store as other customers went about their shopping.

“Umm,” Jane finally said, “I’m pretty sure no one will even notice your socks, let alone think you’re rich if you wear them.”

“But…” Loki blinked up at her, clutching the packs of socks tighter, his eyes wide, “The vibrant colors…”

Jane glanced at Thor and back. “Yeah?”

“Aren’t they…” Loki seemed to be turning pinker. “Then… what is the purpose of them being so bright,” he pointed one of his little fingers at a frog, “and for these embellishments?”

Embellishments? Embellishments. Jane repeated the word in her mind. Two hundred something year old toddler.

He looked so adorably earnest and distressed about these green frog socks, Jane would’ve laughed again if she wasn’t so confused over what the problem even was. As it was she found herself smiling at him. “For fun?” She suggested, then added a little hopefully - since she’d picked them, “Because they’re cute?”

Her answer seemed to surprise Loki so much that he took a step back. He glanced down at the packs in his hand, then over at the clothes in the cart.

“Ahhh,” Thor said in a weird tone, like he suddenly got what Loki meant and was surprised he hadn’t thought of it sooner. “It had not occurred to me.” He looked up at Jane questioningly. “Your laws no longer dictate such things,” he stated in a sure tone, despite it seeming like he was asking her for confirmation.

“Huh?” Jane shook her head. “Laws? What laws?”

Thor stood up. “About proper attire befitting each person’s station.” Thor’s expression turned sheepish, and he glanced down at Loki. “I did not take note of it when I was here last… aside from Stark and the Captain there seem to be few dressed so boldly.” Thor hummed and looked around, frowning.

Ohhh are they talking about some medieval thing? Jane thought.

She had a feeling Darcy might’ve picked up on that sooner.

“Oh that’s not really a thing anymore.” She waved a hand at Thor in assurance. “I mean, people pretty much wear whatever they want. At least, no one really minds if people… dress brightly? Especially not kids, I think…” she trailed off and looked around too. They were standing in the kid section and it was definitely the most colorful area of the store. She looked down at Loki again, “No one is going to think you’re rich if you wear some cute socks. Not even if they have frogs on them.”

Thor made a noise and leaned forward to get a closer look at the socks. He made another one of those strange, serious, thoughtful expressions he’d been making all day. The sort of expression that seemed to signal minute changes in the weather.

Unless Jane was imagining things, which she definitely wasn’t.

From inside the store Jane really couldn’t tell whether this expression meant something good or bad.

Loki gave Jane a half relieved, half disbelieving look and glanced at the cart again.

Jane stepped over to it and looked down at the shirt and PJs Loki had tried to pull out. “Is that what the problem was with these?” She glanced at Thor, and back. “You thought they looked like rich people clothes?”

Loki sort of frowned and lowered his head in sort of a shy, noncommittal nod.

“Okay,” Jane said softly, “Well, this isn’t Gucci, everything in here is pretty cheap - for London.”

Loki stepped forward hesitantly and gestured at the PJs, “Even this?”

“Yep, it’s on sale.”

“Are they not all on sale?” Thor asked from behind her.

Jane turned to look at him, “Uhhh… they’re for sale, but not all of them are on sale.”

Thor blinked at her.

“On sale means they’re cheaper. For sale means they’re buyable.” Jane explained awkwardly.

Loki made a little noise behind her. “And this one,” he climbed the side of the cart to get the neon green shirt, “is it on sale?”

Jane checked the tag, “Actually, no, it isn’t.”

To her surprise Loki beamed triumphantly and reached to pull it out.

“Oh you don’t want it?” Jane asked, surprised at how glad he looked.

Loki looked up at her and his expression turned politely contrite, “No, thank you.”

“But it’s green!” Thor protested.

And Loki, with all the guileless tact one would expect of a child that looked his age, gave Thor a look that clearly conveyed that Thor did not in fact know what the color green was if he thought that the thing in his hands was the right color and he was trying not to show just how disappointed he was in Thor for his poor, albeit well meaning choices in clothing.

It was a very clear expression to Jane, and to Thor too, if she read his expression correctly, and Jane just had to laugh at that.