Archive of Our Own

It was Saturday. Free from responsibilities for just the time being, Jeremy had spent all morning and afternoon texting Brooke, the squip chiming in occasionally to tell him what to say and how to say it.

The conversation was going fairly well, actually. Jeremy never thought he’d be able to talk this much to girls, and the fact that it was Brooke was quite surprising; she was one of the hottest girls in school, and so incredibly nice. Jeremy couldn’t believe his luck.

A little bit of Chloe-bashing couldn’t hurt. She sucked as a best friend anyway, so it helped Brooke feel better most times.

It wasn’t long until her next text came through:

Jeremy couldn’t help but smile at his phone. Just before he began to type his next message, the squip demanded:

“Jeremy, don’t you dare use the crying laughing emoji. It’s not cool, unless you’re middle aged. You don’t want to sound like a boomer.”

Jeremy stopped himself from doing just that. “Then how am I supposed to reply to this?” he asked, apprehensive.

The squip then proceeded to say some the worst words it could’ve ever uttered. “Laugh out loud.”

“…What.”

“Laugh out loud,” it repeated. “Say it.”

Jeremy typed it out: LOL. “Like that?”

“No. All lowercase.”

Jeremy tried again: lol. “Um, it looks wrong. Like I’m not excited… no, I’m not laughing enough.”

He could feel the squip judging him. It sighed. “Try this.”

“Woah,” Jeremy watched as text appeared on his screen without him moving an inch. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Uh… a skull emoji? Why am I dead?”

“Because you’re dying of laughter, idiot.”

“Ohhh, okay.” After that confusion had been cleared up, Jeremy reluctantly sent his message. Skull emoji = cool. Crying laughing emoji = not as cool. “Is… is Brooke going to understand this? Because I have no idea what any of it means.”

“Of course she will,” the squip argued. “She’s not dumb like you.”

Jeremy shrugged that off. He watched as the typing bubble appeared, eagerly waiting for Brooke’s response.

Confusion was written all over her next message:

Jeremy gave the squip a glare.