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"Tomorrow, you're going to meet an adeptus that looks like me," Xiao says. His voice is hoarse. He wishes it wasn't. "And when you do, you must kill him."
Zhongli - no, not Zhongli; the Archon Morax - is gazing at him sternly. But with that proclamation, his stony features change. His eyebrows shoot up in bemusement.
"And why must I do this?" Morax asks carefully.
Xiao tries to keep his expression level, but he fears it is beginning to crack the longer he looks upon him. A god in the prime of his life, exuding omnipotence, breathtaking grace, and profound power. His amber eyes seem to bore a hole straight through Xiao. He wishes they truly could.
"Because he is going to kill you one day.”
Morax just continues to regard him with a pensive stare, unperturbed by the admission. He is simply studying Xiao, watching his crumbling exterior and the way the words leave his lips like broken glass - sharp and pointed, dejected little remains of something that was once whole.
"How do you know this?" Morax asks him stoically.
"I come from another time," Xiao says, tone flat, not yet betraying him. Too many times, he wants to say. Too many times to count, and it still couldn't have possibly been enough. "I've seen what the future holds for you if you keep him alive. He is dangerous. For the sake of your divine rule, you must strike him down."
"How have you come to be here?" Morax asks. This seems to have piqued his interest, though his stance is as solemn as ever. Xiao fights the urge to cringe before continuing. He has to think of a way to explain himself, all while not making it sound appealing. It may prove to be an impossible feat, to ears unfamiliar with the concept.
Not even Xiao himself could not be swayed from its allure, after all.
"I have been drifting through time for eons now,” Xiao explains. I was not alone, he desperately wants to say. But he does not. “I was released from my duties, and as such, I was released from the tethers that bind our kind to a fixed point in space. So I have seen what befalls you. I've come to warn you of this fate."
Morax is inscrutable. He is listening; that much is clear, and for the time being, it is all Xiao needs. But neither his tone nor his expression can enlighten Xiao as to what he’s thinking.
"So what will happen, if I choose not to kill this adeptus you speak of?" Morax asks, after a brief, thoughtful pause. He is taking care to be mindful. He will only ask what he considers to be the right questions. As to what those are, Xiao cannot be entirely certain. All he can do is answer each of them with conviction. He cannot falter. He cannot hesitate.
The words left unsaid will merely follow him to the after.
"He will be indebted to you. He will serve as Liyue's protector in your name, and he will serve you long after the age of the adepti has passed." He will never repay his debt. No matter how long he fights, he will only incur more of it. The only recompense he can offer will be at the hands of his own demise.
"Then how does this adeptus intend to kill me?"
"He will break you down." You will let him.
"How so?"
"You will release your divinity for his sake. You will lose yourself." You will take him by the hand and show him what exists beyond debt. You will call it the truth, and he will believe you. He will keep believing you; until it is already too late.
"May I assume that I will ‘drift,’ as you supposedly do?"
"You will." You will drift until you drift out of reach.
"How could this possibly lead to my downfall, if you stand before me with this message alive and well?"
"Your remaining consciousness will survive, as mine has. But without your divinity, and without a true, tangible sense of self, that consciousness will erode over time." It is inevitable. He feels it too. But his erosion will not come fast enough.
"Erosion is something that eventually subdues all divine beings. No amount of bloodshed will stop it from occurring."
"Living as one who swims against the tide will eventually wear the bones down to dust. The process of erosion is drastically accelerated. This influence of this adeptus will lead you to this lifestyle, and swiftly bring about the end to your most righteous legacy. In knowing him, you will erode far before your time." It will happen too quickly. There will be no time for goodbyes. You won't even have the time to tell him what he has done to you. But he will know.
Morax falls silent, growing somber. Then, he asks Xiao a question that strikes a near-lethal blow to his heart.
“What will this adeptus be to me, if I am to go so far as to let go of my divinity?” Morax asks.
It is now nearly impossible for Xiao to maintain his composure. But he does not break; not completely. He cannot break. His debt has not yet been repaid.
“He will be your servant,” Xiao answers quietly. Your eternal servant, even when you tell him he’s more than that.
“Many adepti swear themselves as my servants. I could not see myself relinquishing my divinity for their sake; I daresay such an act would only impugn their honor. At some point in time, I must have changed my mind. What could possibly spur such a change in heart?”
Xiao furrows his brows. There are too many answers to that question, and too much context to possibly convey now. After so many eons spent as a timeless being, Xiao could scarcely even remember every single detail.
But Xiao can also see Morax isn’t looking for every single detail. He knows him well enough to see what he’s really trying to uncover.
Xiao does not want to tell him. But it would be foolish to lie and risk Morax growing distrustful. So he begins to dance around the subject.
“You will… grow close to this adeptus. He will serve you loyally for many millennia, and you will come to feel responsible for him.” As such, you will shepherd him to a life he didn’t even think was possible.
“Simply because he is loyal?”
“...No. You will see him as more than a devoted follower.” You will see him as something much more than he actually is. It will kill him. Every day, it will kill him, squeezing tighter than the binds of his karmic debt ever could.
“...I see. And for this reason, we will relinquish our adeptal powers?”
“Yes.” There is more to the story, but you will both eventually forget what relevance it holds.
“So we will be traversing the limits of time together, then?”
“You will.” You will be the one to know it first. You will be the one to ask him to come with you. And he, in all his naivety, will never once question it.
“And what would be the purpose of this?”
“To release all remaining ties to your duties - yours and his both.” But it was all for him, wasn’t it?
Morax ponders this in silence for a moment. Then, too softly to bear, he merely asks, "What exactly did I and this adeptus do, in the course of our drifting?"
Xiao feels his soul seeping forth from the fissures of his being, etched into him like the veins of a leaf. But with conviction, he sternly answers, "It doesn't matter."
"I believe it does," Morax replies. "You come to me with outrageous claims, and a dire request. If I am to heed your prophecies, there are certain things I would like to be aware of. So tell me; what draw would there be to the life you propose I will choose?"
Xiao clenches his jaw. He continues, if only to ensure that Morax will continue listening. To ensure he makes the right choice.
"You will… choose this life to feel free." Freedom was a face you were both familiar with. It was a song that stuck to you sweet like honey, a gentle lilt and clever tune that neither of you could quite twist your tongues around. Not until you allowed yourself to bask in the breeze that carried it.
"And what do I do with this newfound freedom?" Morax asks, patient but determined to get his answers.
He listens intently as Xiao tells him all he wants to know - though certainly not everything that could be said.
"You will revisit times of peace, to find solace in the quiet." You will show him a time long forgotten, a life without strife or torment. He will remember how harmony feels as he weeps softly in your arms, and the flavor of sweet dreams will once again dance on the tip of his tongue.
"You will revisit times of conflict, to pay your respects to the life that dared bloom amid a storm." He will never forget what has passed, so you won't either. You will show him that through tragedy, felicity always persists - it always has, and it always will. You will see nations born from bloodshed, life begotten from death, and new dreams risen from those that were once devoured.
"You will visit a time before time; the bare ether of existence. Here, you will truly be the ultimate lifeform." You will find a space where only you two exist. You will revisit it time and time again, this place so barren of meaning, so barren of that which once tethered you to your duties. It will have no name, and no purpose; but you will make it yours.
"You will think it will be worth it, to wander these realms without a destination in mind." You will show him what it means to be loved. You will love him. You will love him without reason. You will love him with every last fiber of your being.
"You will think it will save him." And he will love you. Without debt, and without guilt, he will love you from the beginning of time, all the way to the end.
"But all you will do is be lost in the process." His love will not be enough.
Eternity itself will not be enough to make it last.
Xiao grows silent. There is not much more he can say without coming apart at Morax's feet. He can only pray that Morax will realize what kind of danger he is in. Xiao cannot allow him to erode. Not again.
Morax regards him stoically, perhaps waiting for more. Once it is clear that Xiao has no more to give, he turns thoughtful, eyes narrowing and going slightly out of focus. He ponders this all for a while.
Then, he finally speaks.
"You said that I think these travels will save this adeptus," Morax says. "Did they?"
Xiao feels the “no” bubbling out of him like blood from the back of his throat, like there’s nothing inside him now but the gorey remains of a body that was once held together by another’s hands.
But he can’t say it. Xiao knows he should, and that Morax needs to know that his kind heart and unshakable diligence will only be wasted on him. That he will never be worth it. He could never be saved. He came too far to let Morax make the same mistakes all over again.
Though, was it not more of a slap in the face to imply that the Archon was never anything but a fool for his actions?
No. Zhongli was no fool.
Neither is Morax. The god stands before Xiao now, patiently awaiting Xiao’s answer. Perhaps in encouragement, he speaks again.
"Was he made to feel unbound by his debt?" Morax asks gently.
Xiao’s eyes begin to sting. He cannot tell his god a lie. He can’t do it, as much as it hurts him to say.
"He was,” Xiao croaks.
"And how did it feel?" Morax queries.
Xiao feels like sobbing. He doesn’t, because it would render him unable to answer. He can barely muster up a response as it is. How can he possibly describe such a feeling?
How does one describe unending torment and the wrath of a thousand gods? How does one describe drowning for so long that your heart begins pumping saltwater?
And how does one describe being purified? What words were there for the first breath of air after being pulled out of the black sea, or for the way his hands felt as they wrung the salt out of waterlogged bones, or for how blinding the light was when you were only used to seeing it through the murky depths of strife?
How does one describe being the only two beings in existence? Being two of millions, and all the more extraordinary for it? Being both of these things at once?
How does one describe knowing they are loved?
These concepts could not be defined. Maybe that was why Xiao hadn’t been able to come to terms with any of it. Having no name for the hole in his heart made it feel like a waste - the ultimate form of betrayal Xiao could have possibly committed.
But suddenly, he finds a name for it now.
"You-” Xiao begins, voice cracking. He feels a tear rolling down his cheek, and doesn’t try to wipe it away. “You made him so happy."
It’s such a small word for so many lifetimes spent together. But it fits all the same.
They both fall silent for a while as Xiao pulls himself together. Morax simply watches him, his expression still unreadable. But he does not look displeased.
"I see,” Morax says finally, nodding his head solemnly. “I thank you for enlightening me."
Xiao wipes at the last tears spilling over his lashes. He won’t waste any more of them here. He has all the time he needs to shed them elsewhere.
"Will you do it?” Xiao asks quietly. “Will you kill him?"
It feels like a bit of a stupid question to ask now. He already knows the answer. Maybe he knew the answer from the very beginning.
That day Morax found him - the day he had slaughtered Xiao’s keeper and broken him from the evil god’s spell…
Xiao had always wondered why he didn’t look surprised to see him. Or why he had taken him in so assuredly. It was always curious to him what Morax could have seen in that broken stranger’s face; that mysterious, unspoken thing that allowed the god to place so much faith in the adeptus.
Perhaps his face just wasn’t as strange as Xiao had always assumed it to be.
Now, Morax just smiles at him.
"Only time will tell,” Morax chuckles.
Xiao’s eyes fall closed for a moment as he savors the sound of his voice for one last time. He can’t stay here any longer. It was unwise to come here in the first place. Though a part of him wishes to linger, he knows there is no place for him here.
This one is not his. Not yet.
Xiao turns to leave without another word. Before he makes it far, he hears Morax call out to him.
“Before you go,” Morax begins, tone gentle and unassuming, "may I ask your name, traveler?"
Xiao stops for a moment.
But in the end, he merely allows himself to smile. For the first time in who knows how long, he is finally able to smile again.
“You don’t need to hear it from me,” Xiao says. "You will speak it soon enough."