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Steven grunted at the ringing migraine that bloomed behind his eyes, he shook his head at the echoes of his name, everything was fuzzy and all he just wanted to go back to dreaming about giving out tours instead of working in the gift shop and snuggling into his bed-
The switch, it had to have happened if Steven was thinking about going back to sleep. Marc had to have taken over and killed someone, he must have. He has been increasingly doing so ever since Marc and Khonshu had made themselves known. Eyes snapped open, panic raising as he looked around like a lost wild animal. Everything was blurred and the pain behind his eyes exploded with the light of the room invading his vision. He could tell it wasn't his room, no cuff on his ankle but his hands were cuffed behind his back.
"Nononono, not again." He muttered, blinking multiple times to get his eyes to adjust.
"Hey, you're fine, look at me." This voice was new and didn't sound like next to him or in him. Steven blinked and looked at the man all dressed in red and black that was chained to the wall. "Morning, Sleeping Beauty." The man said, and Steven could hear the flirtatious smile behind the red and black mask and his choice to ignore it for the dire situation they are in. "First time in a sex dungeon?"
"Ex-excuse me?" Steven panicked, looking around once again but not seeing anything remotely like that.
'Relax, he's fucking with you.' The voice inside him said in a very tired tone, trying to calm Steven down. 'Let me take over, this is too much and he's already annoying me.'
"N-no, it's your fault we are in this mess." Steven hissed, wincing at the pain at the back of his skull, trying to be quiet. He pulled at the restraints and groaned at the pain, feeling like a car hit him… Not that it will be the first or last time that happened. Steven glanced around, trying to find anything that had a reflection to see Marc but nothing.
'Steven, let me-'
"Hey, guy, look at me." The man in red said in a soft but demanding tone. "What's your name?"
"Steven Grant." He looked back at him with a frown.
It was hard to see but the white eyes squinted into a smile and Steven swears he can notice a smile where his mouth is. "Stevie-"
'Ugh, kill us.'
"I'm Deadpool, lovers call me Wade." He winks, flirting again. “Once we get out of this shit whole, let’s go out for waffles, romantic second date.” Deadpool tried to stand up but pulled at his chains and he sat back down.
Steven frowned, looking around and still seeing nothing that could indicate what is happening and what or who caused it. “Why us? Why me ?” He frowned, pulling against his own chains, ignoring Wade's banter.
'Just let me handle this!'
"No clue, probably a lame subplot that is gonna die in a few days since the writer has no idea what he is doing." Steven watched Wade side eye to the corner of the room as the man in red shrugged, twisting himself. "Hey, Stevie-"
"It's Steven-"
'Jesus… This guy is annoying.'
"How are you with the sight of dismemberment?"
"Not good…"
"Then you're gonna wanna look away, my handsome British man." As he said this he twisted some more, cracks of bones echoed in the room and Steven had to look away to avoid whatever was this man's crazy plan. A few curses and sickly crunch that made Steven's stomach churn, the curious want to look at what was happening grew but the sickly wet sounds held him off. "Ah, I feel like a girl becoming a mature woman."
Steven blinked at the words, looking up just in time to watch Wade saw his left hand off. He gagged, feeling a migraine form as his stress levels skyrocketed. Wade's gloved left hand flopped onto the ground.
"I’m like Ethan Winters ready to look up into Lady Dimitrescu's murderous eyes right before she throws him across the room.” Wade sighed, placing the hand between his thighs with some difficulty and then squished the nub of his wrist to his dismembered hand, “And they say romance is dead, but that's my OTP right there."
'There is something seriously wrong with that guy…' Marc's voice echoed, drawing Steven's attention away from the sounds that were coming from Wade.
"Tada!" Wade shouted, standing up with his arms free. "I promise I will not do the same to you, Stevie-"
"It's Steven-"
"I can totally pick the locks." Wade shrugged, motioning for the other to turn around. Steven frowned, not trusting the situation at all but having no other choice and not wanting to suit up in front of a guy wearing a knock off superhero costume. But turned regardless and scooted enough from the wall to give Wade enough room to work on his cuffs. "Anywho, you don't seem like the kind of guy that would come to a place like this, what brings you here?"
"I… I honestly don't know." Steven frowned, studying the ground. He really wished he could trust Marc to not kill anyone so he could take over but the last thing Steven needed was the one guy that seemed like he could help to be strangled by Marc.
'I'm not a murderous asshole, asshole.' Marc grunted and Steven could hear the pout in his voice.
"Hmmmm, sounds like lazy writing if you ask me." Deadpool sighed with a click of the cuff opening and then moving to the next one.
Steven blinked, not sure if he heard the words correctly. "Sorry, what?"
"Lazy writing, no plot to why we are here? You would think there is one but it's just two guys in a room handcuffed? Weird. Not even cuffed together? Where is the sexual tension of two grown men far from home? The readers are not gonna be pleased at all." He sighed, making Steven even more confused.
'Yeah, this guy is nuts.'
"Then why are we here?" Steven asked Marc but Wade shrugged.
"I was hired to make sure some nerds can play in the sand but… Got jumped, while eating pudding." Wade sighed, muttering how he didn't even get to finish his delightful dessert. And with a click, Wade stood up with his hands thrown in the air "Damn, I'm good at this!"
'Same nerds digging around for lost artifacts is the reason why we are here.' Steven hummed at Marc’s words, rubbing his wrist and then looked at Wade who was searching for something. ‘Either way, we have to switch if those cult weirdos get to the blade before we do.’
“Stevie-“
“It’s Steven-“
“This is gonna be a gun blazing kind of escape,” Wade said, pulling out a small handgun from behind him, and Steven didn't want to think where the gun was at all cause there was no way the kidnappers were gonna just leave the man with weapons. "Come with me if you want to live." Wade extended his hand and, with a heavy sigh, Steven took it.
-=-=-=-=-
Deadpool was right about the gun blazing, just it wasn't his tiny pistol that got much action. For one, he had to be close to make any big impact and with the insanely hot British man (mostly Wade's words) it was a bit hard for all parties included. But Wade is a man of his word and he was gonna give Steven a show in the process, even if the other man was hiding his face 90% of the time, but it still fed into Wade's ego as he rushed up to the closest guard with his back turned to him, not giving the man a chance to say anything as his gloved hand covered his mouth and the pistol pressed flush against his temple and shot the guy point blank two times before letting the man flop to the ground and stole his rifle.
"Ooooh, I'm calling this beaut Jane." Deadpool grinned, running to see Steven looking shocked and about to piss himself, seems a little turned on too. He thought to himself.
[Turned on? More like about to piss himself.] Yellow corrected.
[Piss himself cause he's so turned on.] White chimed in with a chuckle.
"Pretty sure that's just called cumming and that's for later." Wade sighed, petting Jane's side bringing the gun up to look down the barrel, and then glanced at Steven who looked so confused. "Sorry, boxes are talking and it's waaay more confusing in this format."
"Boxes?" Steven blinked, looking at the dead body and quickly looking away back to the man in red.
"They're chatty, not really causing harm though; just a lot of weird sexual jokes, but to be fair, I do start and encourage it." He chuckled clearly up the confusion while handing the small pistol he used to Steven. The confusion was not cleared up but Steven felt like it wasn't the time to learn more about boxes talking? "Alright, babe, I know it's spooky but survival of the fittest. We gotta go on a slight detour, rescue my twin darlings." He winked, patting Steven's shocked face. "Then we are home free for a waffle date."
Death after death, Wade used up Jane and used the gun as a club to smash a woman's head in, he then picked up new rifles that he named Jill, Joan, and Jessica. All beautiful in his eyes and all perfect for manslaughter! He was almost willing to take them home but he didn't have the luggage and did not want to spend money on a second checked-in bag. Especially not after Mexico.
Steven never got to use the pistol, which he was grateful for as Marc kept telling him to lay low and let the deranged man in red deal with everything. Steven was ready to defend Wade but let it slide, sure Wade talked to himself (or maybe the boxes? He wasn't sure) but Steven also talked to himself just as much. He has been trying to ignore the others. Thankfully Khonshu has been silent but they also haven't had to deal with any supernatural or Egyptian gods at the moment.
They found a weapon storage and Wade wrecked the area to find the twins, which were his sword and caused every ounce of Steven to not facepalm and let Marc just take over so he wouldn't have to deal with this headache. Other than Wade's little… Quirks, as Steven liked to call it, the guy wasn't too bad. Oddly sexual. But not too bad. And if they weren't in a high tension area, Steven would maybe laugh at a few of the jokes. Wade wasn't someone he would hang with but there was an air of charisma around him that he enjoyed.
A few more deaths and Deadpool and Steven made it out of the bunker into the middle of the city.
"Thankfully not the desert," Wade chuckled, cleaning the blood of the blade with his gloved hand, "Cause that would suuuuuck." He put his swords away, giving the man a wink.
Steven let out a nervous chuckle, "Yeah, that would not be good at all. Um, well thank you for the rescue but I should be going."
"Huh? Oh yeah, we make a good team." Wade leaned on the building, crossing his arms over his chest, "No waffle date, I take it?" He frowned and then winced at his own voice, a little too hopeful and really hoped the British man didn't hear it.
"Maybe next time." Steven joked but the way Wade straightened up made him realise the other didn't take it as one, giving a kind smile.
"Raincheck. Got it. Busy man. I'm busy too, lost in your eyes but damn, gotta find those nerds. Hope they're not dead or I'm not getting paid and that would suck a lot." Wade nodded, pulling out a business card from his utility belt. "Text me if you need me, handsome." He winked and waved off before walking away. Ah, another one leaves me wanting. Shit, never checked out his ass. Ah, who am I kidding, this wouldn’t be the last time I see him. I hope. Too late to sneak a peek now.
Steven looked at the black card with the letters DP in red and flipped it to see a phone number and an Instagram username called SuperheroSimp69. "What a strange guy."