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Leaving Jrusar was something Ashton had long since accepted as an impossibility. They were in too much debt. They had too many ties; too many excuses to stay. It was so easy to fall back onto them and fall into the same pattern over and over until it got him into too much trouble. Then… Then Ashton would deal with the consequences as they came or they’d be dead. One of the two. The one thing they hadn’t planned on was meeting the group of idiots that so proudly called themselves Bell’s Hells. A fucking ridiculous name - even more so considering how briefly they’d known Good Ol’ Bertie! But it felt… fitting somehow. It was better than the Nobodies at least. It was new! Exciting! And hopefully not the latest addition to Ashton Greymoore’s endless list of mistakes.
One thing he’d make clear to anyone that asked was that he wasn’t ‘soft’ ; he was someone with an interior as rough as his exterior. He wasn’t his own definition of good. Even if they did refuse to steal copper from people or take money from those that couldn’t afford to lose it. Even if they would rush in to protect those that definitely weren’t their friends. Ashton had a rough and hard exterior only held together by scrap metal and broken glass. He liked to pretended his inside matched; that was guarded enough to be rock solid all the time.
Even if there were people who seemed to have a way of making all the walls Ashton had spent years building up tumble into ruin. They found their way into the parts of him he’d spent so long trying to hide, and in all honesty? Ashton wasn’t as against it as they tried to pretend they were. They weren’t against how Imogen fit the role of what a sister might be like, or how easy it was to bond over trauma with Laudna, or how there was something exciting to Fearne’s oddities, or Chetney’s… unique personality, or the oddly soothing nature of Dorian’s songs. Even Bertrand had his charm. Then… Then there was Orym.
Fucking Orym .
Heartbreak wasn’t something new to Ashton. They’d loved and lost more than once - no time as painful as when the Nobodies had left them behind. But even they knew that had nothing on Orym’s husband and the sheer agony that must have been. Yet it wasn’t enough to stop the fractured pieces of Ashton’s heart trying to piece themselves back together every time he smiled. There was a charm to him that they found themself fixating on. Either that, or Ashton had finally found someone more protectively reckless than themself in a fight.
But indulging in emotions - particularly one-sided affections - led to vulnerabilities Ashton had long since stopped allowing themself to afford. So all the feelings that could have so easily been something were pushed further and further down until they could try and convince themself they’d never existed in the first place. It was easier that way. Nobody could break his heart again if he refused to give it out. But more importantly? Ashton couldn’t break Orym’s heart. He was broken enough himself and there was no need to go on to shatter something so unquestionably valuable.
So Ashton continued to suppress everything. That was, of course, until it stopped being an option. He’d been doing his best to avoid any moments where the two of them were truly alone for too long; any moments that would test Ashton’s resolve or would make them overthink fond smiles or the looks Orym gave them as if they were somehow more valuable than the cracks in their skin. But Ashton had long since being someone that put much faith in hope. Dreams were only ever dreams, after all and they firmly lived in reality.
Then they left Jrusar and everything went to shit. They had people who would swear beyond all else that Ashton was more than an acquaintance - a friend even, and he swore he heard the word ‘brother’ echo with Imogen’s voice in their mind more than once. And maybe… maybe Ashton found themself smiling more. Maybe they considered the word ‘friend’ as something more than a falsity. Maybe happiness wasn’t as impossible as they had once convinced themself.
Ashton had found themself enjoying being anywhere but Jrusar, looking out at the world that was still so much bigger than they had ever imagined. Perhaps that was why they fell in love with the sky so much or at least, the stars. Because no matter where they went, they always remained the same. They were always there night after night. One of the few things that were consistent; that Ashton knew they would never lose. Even when on watch on the nights they camped out, his gaze always seemed to drift upwards - maybe for minutes at a time and sometimes just for a flickering moment to remind himself that they were still there.
That was how Orym found him; sittingagainst a tree and staring up at the countless lights that filled the night sky. “Never took you as the type to be fascinated by constellations.” He moved to sit beside them, following their gaze onwards. “Though should I be more concerned that you’re not actually keeping watch?”
Ashton gave a slight snort at that. “It’s pitch black out and I have more senses than just my eyes.” He shrugged, dragging his eyes away from the sky to look at Orym. At that moment, they couldn’t quite decide which sight was more breathtaking. “And I don’t know shit about constellations. I just like… watching them.”
The expression on Orym’s face grew unreadable for a moment. “Still not something I’d expect from you.” He nudged them gently. “Not loud enough or violent enough. Just…”
“Stationary.” Ashton finished the sentence for him. “No matter where in Exandria you are, they’re always there. They were there before us and they’ll be there long after us. Sometimes… Sometimes it’s just nice to know that something’s permanent. Not… not everything is just an endless cycle of uncertainty and change.”
There was silence between them after that as Orym took in their words - by no means was it uncomfortable. It wasn’t often that Ashton enjoyed the quiet but the halfling besides them had quickly become the exception to every rule and expectation they had of the world. Then he finally spoke up. “… I could teach you some of the constellations if you like? Ke- A friend taught me a few of them to navigate by so that no matter where I was, I’d always find my way home.”
Ashton just shook their head. “Don’t really have much of a home to search for. Closest I have is you chucklefucks.” They let themself laugh at the way Orym shoved them in response. “But I always form my own images in the stars. Things that maybe only I see.”
For one incredible moment, Orym’s eyes focused entirely on them and a tight feeling twisted in their stomach as Ashton realised they had his undivided attention. “Oh? Like what?” His head tilted ever so slightly.
“Well, firstly if you look over there then you can almost see the outline of a cat.” They shuffled closer as they did their best to point it out, tracing the outline with their finger. “Or a rose over there. Not to mention that that cluster of stars definitely looks like a dick.”
“I…can’t entirely say that you’re wrong.” Orym seemed to be struggling to suppress his laughter at that - something that they were grateful of as Ashton had no doubts it was contagious and the others deserved to not be woken up by the two of them giggling like schoolboys.
Ashton tilted their head back against the tree, just staring at the endless sky. “Never managed to fit either moon into any images though. Not that it’s needed. It’s hard to miss either most of the time.”
“… Not often I look at the moons much anymore. Any other part of the sky but not them.”
He paused for a moment, glancing at Orym with something that bordered between concern and curiosity. “What’s wrong with the moons? They linger almost as much as the stars do.”
“It’s… It’s hard to look at the moons and not think about my husband.” Orym’s expression fell somewhere between soft and sad. “Big moon, little moon. Just like us.” One of his hands moved so he could trace his fingers along his tattoo, muscle memory allowing him to circle each one perfectly.
“What about the stars?” The question was out of Ashton’s mouth before they could stop it. If they were someone else - someone who considered themself a better person, they’d probably move to apologise.
He seemed to pause for a moment at that. “The stars are something else entirely.” Ashton pretended not to notice how Orym’s gaze was entirely on them and no longer towards the night sky. “Something full of infinite possibilities. Something just as beautiful as both moons. Something worth taking a chance on.”
Blindly they reached out for his hand, smiling as smaller fingers interwound with their own. Part of them couldn’t help but wonder if this ‘something’ was even referring to the stars at all, or was that finally some fragment of hope? The sky may have been full of endless sparks of light but Ashton thought that they’d like to focus on something else equally as incredible just this once. For once, he found himself almost looking forward to the future.