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"Really? How bad is it... Oh God, Mori won't let us leave it at that... Don't worry, I won't take long, 15 minutes tops...." Chuuya ends the call and makes his way down the street.
Skinny arms pull the student council member into an alleyway and he lets them because he already knows who it is.
Doesn't make it any less aggravating.
He's pinned to the wall as bandage covered arms cage him on either side and a stupid grinning face shines above him.
"So... You come here often?" Dazai whispers far too close to his face.
Chuuya does not hesitate to grab his gun and shoot the other in his temple. He hops over the body and makes his way out of the alley, ignoring the pooling red. He has things to do and no goddamn mackerel is gonna stop him.
"Chibiiiiiii.... How could you leave me?"
A tick appears on the senior's head as he goes through through the five stages of grief in one second.
"Fuck off before I -" a knife goes straight through his jugular and is pulled out before he can blink. He gurgles and chokes on his blood, falling to his knees. Before his eyes go dark, the stupid Cheshire grin of his study partner is the last thing he sees.
Kouyou-nee, I'll be there soon. I just need to hide a body real quick.
So as to not go too into detail, the first time they both discovered this odd quirk of theirs wasn't even noteworthy. Dazai once pushed Chuuya off a building, and then proceeded to throw himself off at the same time. It was black for a moment, until both parties woke up with no injuries whatsoever.
Aside from the other ones that Chuuya inflicted on Dazai again, but they also healed so no worries.
And thus began a new war: Find fun new ways to kill each other.
Akutagawa still doesn't even know how Nakajima has his phone number, but the honor student is too annoyed to care much.
"Repeat that again, Jinko."
"Some of these days, you've gotta tell me how you came into that nickname."
"The day you tell me how you acquired my number. Now get. To. The point."
"Alright jeez. There's a package for Chuuya-senpai that Dazai-san asked me to deliver. Do you know where he is?"
"Not in my house. He actually just went home, if you're lucky, you'll catch him."
"Okay. Oh and ask Gin-"
The call ends before he can finish his sentence. Shortly after, a text drops. He rolls his eyes before reading it.
Jinko: Ask Gin if she's still coming for movie night.
Another text comes in a few seconds after.
Jinko: You can also come if you want.
The older huffs before switching off his phone.
Just as Akutagawa said, Chuuya was at the parking lot about to go home. He rushes up and delivers the package, before proceeding home, probably to prepare for his weekend.
Chuuya glares at the box and holds it at arm's length. It's a simple cardboard box but you can never trust a thing that man says. A few seconds later and Chuuya can finally hear it.
Ticking.
It grows louder and louder and gives him no time to react before exploding, taking his entire torso with it.
It grows back in about 5 minutes and luckily, Kouyou drags him into the gym to regenerate safely whilst the parking lot gets hosed down. Unfortunately, his bike got a few scratches.
Chuuya grins in a way that's more of a baring of teeth. Using a sweet innocent child to do this? Two can play that game then.
Dazai knows someone has been following him, and he's not yet sure if it's Chuuya or not. The only other person aside from Chuuya who could know where is would be Ranpo, but the council member is too lazy to follow someone.
So it could be Chuuya.
However....
This presence is far lighter than the redhead's. You can feel Chuuya coming from a mile away even if you can't see him (if you look down you will) but this person doesn't reveal their presence until they're in his close quarters.
It's nerve-wracking.
So much so that Dazai decides to spend the night in Mori's house, as Chuuya's roommate.
The shorter male smiles at the other before calmly climbing into his bed and closing his eyes. Not sleep, Dazai knows he's not asleep. With boredom as his only companion, he looks out the window and sees the bright reflection of the moon on Chuuya's scratched bike.
His eyes widen when the light turns to him.
"Oh fuck-" He's too late to scramble out of bed as the bullet pierces his forehead and goes out as quickly, staining the guest sheets.
Chuuya gives a thumbs up to the sniper he hired and actually goes to sleep. Felt a little boring but the fear of God still struck the bastard.
Two days later, and Dazai is at Chuuya's parkour venue, sitting calmly at a bench. Slowly wagging a piece of Chuuya's clothes in their faces, at the sight of the other, he leans to them and orders:
"Remember. Kill on sight. Go."
The sounds of Chuuya's clothes being torn whilst being mauled should not have been so appealing.
The next day, Dazai woke up on a train track and the giant transport machine heading his way at full speed.
"Oh fuc-"
Later that day, a torn up Dazai stands beside Chuuya on the beach and focuses more on his face than his body soaking up the sun.
"I assume I was too much?"
Chuuya pushes down his glasses and gives him a look.
"Understandable."
Chuuya is not okay.
There's a weird burning in his mouth and throat and he can't feel his lips. He hasn't moved since he came back due to his drowsiness. Now he can't move cause he can't feel his limbs.
If he can reach his phone, Google can fix his problem.
That would be the case if he didn't suddenly start choking on fucking oxygen. His face turns red and his eyes roll to the back of head as he finally loses consciousness and dies.
A few minutes later, he's throwing up whatever poison Dazai somehow fed him, coughing pathetically over the toilet bowl. His mind races as it retraced every single food he ate that day. Then it hits him.
"My sushi." He seethes. "That fucker."
Poisoning is a rather painful way of dying due to how long it takes to fully kill, but the most annoying part is having their bodies reject the toxins after a while and then force it back up their throats.
Well played Osamu. Well played.
Bandagebitch:
Chibiiiiiii( ˘ ³˘)♥
As you know, midterms around the corner
So how boutta truce?
Till the end of the tests, ofc ;)
Chuuya deadpans at the texts.
Me:
Bitch, you can just come ask me in person
You're literally just at the other end of the house
Bandagebitch:
No thanks(￣ε(#￣)
I refuse to die by your hands
So truce?
Me:
Sure
Bandagebitch:
Yay \( ˙▿˙ )/
So how was that last death?
Chuuya has no reservations now.
As Dazai goes to take his nightly shower, Chuuya will fall asleep to the sounds of agonising screams.
Dazai limps over to the guestroom, his bath water replaced with acid. His skin will bare no injuries obviously, but...
Fuck! This hurts.
Midterms pass without a hitch and at can only mean one thing: The truce is over.
Chuuya and Dazai stand a few good feet away from each other; Chuuya with a machine gun and Dazai holding an assault rifle.
"Why be pumped full of bullets when I can give you something better?"
Chuuya's face flushes red and then he smiles sweetly and waves. On each of his fingers is a grenade pin and the whole parking lot is lit up.
"How long will this round last?" Tachihara grumbles.
"Until, they call another truce, then they'll go back at it."
"Ugh"