Chapter Text
After witnessing the nonsensical firefight between two randos for Star Bottlecaps and deciding purple-haired bitches are not to be trusted ever again, you approach the outskirts of Nipton to skim over the welcome sign briefly.
“Jackpot Now ___ Million
NIPTON”
They must like gambling or something.
Then, another rando in blue and glasses yells at you something about winning a lottery. He looks weird, but hey, it’s not like you know how you would feel about winning a lottery, so you let him be to run up and down the road. He should be careful, though. Lots of radscorpions on the way.
Not like it’s any of your business, since you don’t fucking care. Or maybe you do since if he ends up turning dead, you can claim the winning ticket from his corpse.
You might check the road back later.
Anyway, there’s not a soul out here, and the place stinks of charred stuff. There’s gold and red banners speared on the ground depicting a one-headed brahmin bull. With cock and balls and all that. Nice.
Okay, whatever, you’re gonna scavenge the place until there’s not a single rusted can loitering the place. Those make good caps if sold in quantity.
You walk up to the General Store and stop your hand from turning the door’s handle when you hear pained moans.
Turning the corner to the left, you see two rows of people strung up telephone poles, and there’s another group of weirdos in red at the end of the street.
Walking confidently to them (the weirdos, not the hangos), there’s a guy who must be into cosplaying stuff because he wears a fucking coyote head as a hood. With perked little ears an all. Cute.
“Don’t worry, I won’t have you lashed to a cross like the rest of these degenerates. It’s useful that you happened by.” – he greets you with a voice made for starring on pre-War porn holos and such. Melting and alluring. Yes you’re a brain-damaged thirsty moron – “I want you to witness the fate of the town of Nipton, to memorize every detail. And then, when you move on?”
Nice legs too.
“I want you to teach everyone you meet the lesson that Caesar’s Legion taught here, especially any NCR troops you run across.”
Cool, now let’s get to the possible outcome choices here:
+ Who are you? (Classic yet getting to the point. I wanna know your name so I know what to scream when you and I will be hitting the sack 😉 Nah, guess I can just read your name from that convenient upper right corner on the screen)
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] Have we met before? (Pfff, I know, I’m a classic but there’s just no good pickup lines amidst a raided town full of strung-up soon-to-be corpses) •
+ I’ll do as you ask. (Meh, passable. Though the passive role doesn’t suit me very well, I like taking the reins. The fucking world revolves around the concept of me taking the reins, so…)
+ What “lessons” did you teach here? (Tempting but tricky. Maybe those aren’t the “lessons” I wanna be taught 😉)
+ Tell me about Caesar’s Legion. (To know where you live, so I can stalk you)
+ Your crimes are unforgivable. (Are we really starting a relationship on enemies’ premise? It has its charm, but…)
+ [Terrifying Presence] I’m going to wear your head like you wear that dog’s. (Nah, I’m trying to hit on him. Dark humor isn’t adequate in this situation)
+ Goodbye. (BOOOOORING)
You know you wanna some of this [momma/dadda], Skirt Boy.
*Vulpes Inculta regards you suspiciously*
“I beg your pardon?”
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] Ah, my bad, guess not. If we had met before, I’ll definitely remember you. 😉 •
*Vulpes Inculta raises a brow to snap his head immediately around as stifled giggling comes for the rest of his rando men behind him. The men instantaneously shut up and he turns his head back at you, narrowing his eyes in a menacing way.*
Too bad he’s wearing goggles.
*The implicit threat totally flies right over your head and you two look at each other in tense, awkward silence.*
Okay, he didn’t like that.
+ What “lessons” did you teach here? (Not so direct, but hope he gets the innuendo) •
*Vulpes Inculta’s expression relaxes.*
Horray?
“Where to begin? That they are weak, and we are strong? This much was known already.” – okay, guess not – “But the depths of their moral sickness, their… dissolution? Nipton serves as the perfect object lesson.”
Alright, guess he wants to boast about his… raid? Hopefully, he’ll want to “seize a prize” out of you like he did with the townsfolk… Kind of?
Scratch that. You don’t wanna end up decorating a telephone pole.
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] Are you going to tell me what happened here, or are we playing guessing games, handsome? *wink* (Eh, better than the boring, curt alternative) •
*Vulpes Inculta’s nostrils flare minimally. A tick under his right eye gives you the wrong impression that he’s returning the wink.*
Okay, maybe this isn’t that bad. – you think as you smile warmly at him.
*Vulpes Inculta harrumphs uncomfortably before answering your previous question.*
“Nipton was a wicked place, debased and corrupt. It served all comers, so long as they paid.” – uh-huh – “Profligate troops, Powder Gangers, men of the Legion such as myself… the people here didn’t care. It was a town of whores.”
O… kay…
“For a pittance, the town agreed to lead those it had sheltered into a trap. Only when I sprang it did they realize they were caught inside it, too.”
The way… he has pronounced that “too” so softly… why he has to be so damn cute?!
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] Awww, you punished those people because they were being naughty in front of you, didn’cha? •
*Vulpes Inculta blinks twice, disoriented by your line of questioning and your baby talking.*
“… Yes.”
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] That makes you naughty too, you know. *conspiratorial smile* •
*Vulpes Inculta’s cheeks adopt a light pink tint.*
“I… what?”
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] But don’t you worry, Sweet Cheeks. I’ll make sure that the NCR gets the message… if that makes you happy, that is. •
*Vulpes squirms under your gaze, remaining silent. His blush has spread angrily down his neck, not sure if out of indignation or embarrassment.*
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] (Pressing) That makes you happy, then? •
“I-I… suppose.”
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] Okidoki. I’ll inform those Teddy Bears that the Big Bad Bull has come to town. •
“M-much appreciated…”
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] Who I should point to be the brains behind such a Machiavellian move, precious? (Meh, don’t care that I already know your name, it’s just polite to ask) •
*Recovering slightly from his flustered state, Vulpes Inculta raises his chin proudly.*
“Tell them that Vulpes Inculta, of Caesar’s Legion, has laid Nipton’s degeneracy to waste.”
Ain’t he cuter than a button?
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] I’ll be sure to do it. However… it’ll be a shame if this is the last thing you get to “lay to waste”, you know. *wink* •
*Vulpes Inculta flinches.*
“I… think your eyes will see more than I could ever tell you. Take your time… Enjoy the sights.”
+ [Black Widow/Confirmed Bachelor] Oh, I am enjoying the sights alright. Thoroughly. •
*Vulpes Inculta delivers a curt salutation, turning heel so you cannot see him blushing again.*
“Then, as there's nothing more for us to discuss, I bid you “Vale”… until we meet again.”
*He clicks his tongue twice to signal the men and the mongrels (yes, there are dogs following Hot Stuff and the rest of these kilted weirdos. Blame the brain damage for not noticing them earlier) to follow him as he marches rigidly down East followed by a trail of snorts and giggling coming from the other guys in red that even dare to cast you admiring glances before disappearing in the distance.*
So there will be more encounters… Interesting.