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Dick Grayson is a good person.
At least, he always thought so. Sure, there are the normal moments of doubts, and he knows he’s fucked up plenty in his life, but in general—he is a good person.
So why is this happening to him.
Waking up with Jason Todd naked in the sheets next to him… not a bad state of affairs. Waking up with Jason Todd wearing Dick’s ring when they’re not even dating, with a marriage certificate on their bedside table?
Yeah. That’s a shit show.
“It’s a fucking great ring,” Jason informs him through his giggles. “Dick Grayson knows how to treat a lady.”
“Duh, except you’re not a lady.” Dick is aware that he sounds a little hysterical, thank you very much. Can you blame him?
“Oh, thanks for noticing.” Jason makes a rather crass hip motion. As if Dick needs the help to notice his… package. His rather pretty cock, framed by really, really nice thighs. He’s been noticing for a while now, actually, but he’s not gonna bring that up now, is he?
“Jason, you’re dead.”
“Oh, fuck, I haven’t noticed; thanks for letting me know.”
“I just married my dead brother, and we used our Civilian names.”
That gets Jason to burst out laughing. “You did.”
At some point, his laughter goes from obnoxious to infectious, and Dick finds himself chuckling along. “I did… what the fuck even is my life?” That sets off Jason again, and soon, they’re both howling.
Not that this rather pleasant state of affairs lasts for long. There’s a knock on the door, and Tim’s voice calls out: “Hey guys, sorry to disturb you, just wanted to check in cause there’s a ton of paparazzi outside—are you decent?”
“No,” Dick says, and Jason adds, “never, but what do you care?”
“I take that as ‘nudity, but not full-on sex,’” Tim concludes and walks in. Dick is pretty sure the door was locked, but whatever. “Congrats. I knew this was gonna happen but didn’t think you’d go quite that public.”
“…public?” Jason asks. “Are you telling me we tweeted it?”
“Aww, Steph said this might happen—something about honeymoon hormones? I don’t know; I’m not a lady.” Tim shrugs, happily exposing that a) Steph totally knows what’s happening and b) he has no fucking idea how anything works. “Livestreamed it, actually. I got to be the cameraman. It was fucking lit, man.”
“Of course it was,” Jason says and doesn’t even sound sarcastic.
“So… a ceremony. In public. With the family there?” Dick asks.
“Yeah, course, and Roy was your best man—for both of you, it was adorable—and he seemed really happy for you.”
“That fuckhead,” Jason and Dick say at the same time.
Tim finally seems to sense that he maybe doesn’t fully grasp the situation. “Okay. What’s up.”
“Tim.” Dick tries really hard not to sound patronizing. There’s no child like Damian to teach you that people hate that. “We were under the influence of Ivy’s pollen. Neither of us remembers.”
To his credit, Tim now looks horrified. “Oh, no—Dick—I’m so sorry—“
“Hey, don’t I get an apology?” Jason pouts.
Dick just sighs. “It’s fine. Or not, but that’s not on you.” Was he gonna have a long talk with Roy? Yes. His friend mentioned before that he’s sick of listening to Dick moon about Jason, but this is totally uncalled for and way beyond the usual level of escalation, even by Titans standards.
Jason pulls out his phone. “I gotta watch this.”
Dick very much does not, thank you. He chooses to examine his ring instead. It’s not as flashy as Jason’s—well, the one Jason is wearing, which used to be Dick’s father’s, and whoa, does Dick not wanna know how much he cried when he slid it onto Jason’s finger—but it’s still nice. Fit perfectly, too. “Where did we even get these?”
“Bro, you’re a millionaire; we can afford a fast resizing,” Jason told him absently, staring at his screen.
“So are you now,” Tim helpfully informed him. “Well, you were before, what with the accounts in Switzerland and Dubai—“ “—that you’re not supposed to know about—“ “—but you married into money, and I don’t think there’s a prenup. Congrats.”
Tim’s remorse hasn’t lasted long, has it? Dick demonstrably turns away from him and takes out his own phone. There are WAY too many congratulatory messages on there and way too few that ask him what the hell he’s thinking. Dick needs friends that are better at critical thinking. Or maybe he needs to examine the choices he’s made in his life that led them to think he’d do this of his volition. One of the two.
Also, why does Kori think she’s owed details about their sex life? If there was anything to share, Dick sure wouldn’t.
“Dick.”
Jason’s voice is absolutely expressionless. Considering the other man’s earlier glee, that can’t mean anything good.
“Yes?”
“We’re trending on Twitter. Among other socials.”
“Okay, that was to be expected,” Dick says reasonably. “I’m a celebrity, and you’re my long-lost dead brother who I just married.”
“It doesn’t get better just by repeating the phrase,” Jason informed him. “But that’s not the only reason we’re trending.”
“…please tell me Dames didn’t make a video with death threats or something.”
“Nah,” Tim chirps in. Dick kinda forgot that he’s here. “The Brat has been taking this very well. Can’t be a surprise to him, right?”
“Right.” Dick will not deal with that right now. Or ever. “Jason. Why are we trending?”
“Because Bruce gave a heartfelt speech about how he supports our love and is sure we will make a decent go of it.”
“A decent go of it?” Dick snorts. “Wow, way to make it sound like we’re gonna divorce two weeks in.”
“I love that that’s what you focus on,” Tim says at the same time as Jason nods and goes: “Yeah, what the fuck does he think? We could totally make this work.”
“Exactly. We’re great at communication—well, I am—“
“—and we’re extremely stubborn,” Jason adds. “Committed, I mean.”
“And you love each other?” Tim asks.
There’s a moment of silence. Dick’s looking at his lap—huh, that sure is a blue garter, go figure—to avoid looking at Jason’s face.
Then Jason says: “Sure, I guess.”
Dick musters up the courage to add, “Yeah, same,” and that’s that.
“You are insane,” Tim informs them as he backs away, “and I wish you all the best. Byeee. Don’t call me on your honeymoon.”
“Oh, good question.” Jason looks around. “Do you think we had sex?”
“God, I hope not.”
“Hey! I’m not that bad.”
“Exactly, I’d like to remember it.” Dick doesn’t think they did, anyway, or he’d be more worried right now. He’s got a decent streak going with Ivy’s pollen, and while getting married won’t break it, black-out sex will.
“Hmmm. We could still do that.” Jason’s voice is supremely casual. Too bad Dick can see the blush on his cheeks. Aww. “Being married and all that.”
“True. It looks like Bruce and Tim got everything well in hand…” Dick grins and crawls over to Jason, well aware that the movement makes the bedsheet slide off his body. “We might as well take advantage.”
“I can see this is going to be a great marriage,” Jason says and kisses him.