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When Tooru opens the door at nine o’clock at night to see his ex-boyfriend of almost a year holding a baby, he thinks he must be hallucinating.
He goes ahead and shuts the door in Wakatoshi’s face.
Of course, he’s not so lucky for this entire thing to be a figment of his imagination. Another knock sounds on his door, firmer this time. Tooru sighs, pressing his head against the door for a few seconds before reopening it.
“What?” he snaps.
“Hello, Tooru,” Wakatoshi says. “I’m sorry to bother you so late, but I need some help.”
Tooru almost shuts the door in his face again. He would have, except a small wailing cry starts in his arms, and Tooru remembers that Wakatoshi had, in fact, had a bundle of baby in his arms. He tells himself it’s not his problem, that Wakatoshi could literally go to anyone else besides him. He tells himself he’s making the biggest mistake of his life.
It doesn’t matter. He still opens the door wider, still gestures Wakatoshi in, still scoffs when Wakatoshi says thank you, because he’s the politest person Tooru has ever met.
The baby continues to cry in his arms.
“Do you want a drink?” Tooru asks, keeping careful distance as Wakatoshi walks into the apartment, settling himself on the couch in his usual spot. Tooru presses his lips together and looks away.
“Please,” Wakatoshi answers. He sounds tired, down to his bones, and Tooru wonders what must have happened in the last few hours to make him such.
Tooru decides on tea. He still has Wakatoshi’s favorite blend—a surprisingly fruity thing that Tooru would never have guessed he’d like unless he’d seen him drink it so many times over the course of their relationship. It gives him a few precious minutes to pull himself together, to come to terms with the fact that his ex is sitting in the living room with a baby.
Tooru has always been weak when it comes to Wakatoshi. He doesn’t know how Wakatoshi doesn’t see it.
Eventually, he has to return to the real world. He picks up the two steaming mugs, returning to the living room where Wakatoshi is gently bouncing the child. “Shh,” he says. Tooru can hear the hopelessness in the plea. He wonders how long he’s been trying to stop the crying.
“Poor thing,” Tooru coos. He sets the mugs down on the coffee table and without asking for permission, he scoops the baby up in his arms.
He’s pale. That’s the first thing Tooru notices. He’s maybe five or so months old, still little enough that he fits comfortably in the crook of Tooru’s arm, with the finest pale blond hair and the iciest blue eyes Tooru has ever seen. Tooru automatically starts bouncing him, which seems to distract the baby enough for him to realize that he’s been passed to someone else. “Hi there,” Tooru says, lifting a hand to touch his cheek. “What’s your name, little one?”
Of course he doesn’t answer, but Tooru turns to Wakatoshi. Wakatoshi shrugs. “I found him on the doorstep of the shelter office that I volunteer at when I realized I forgot my wallet.”
“Then why didn’t you take him to the shelter?” Tooru asks, his voice still high-pitched to try and calm the baby down. “You didn’t have to bring him here.”
Wakatoshi doesn’t answer right away. He picks up the drink that Tooru brought him, sniffing at it carefully before taking a sip. “I haven’t had this in a long time,” he says.
Tooru doesn’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t want to think of the implications—you’re the reason I drank it in the first place—so he turns his attention back to the baby instead. He’s still fussy, but at least he’s not wailing at the top of his lungs like before. He seems fascinated with Tooru’s fingers, his own small, chubby ones trying to latch onto them. Tooru laughs softly, holding still so he can grab onto his index finger.
Wakatoshi clears his throat. Tooru turns partial attention back to him, his smile slipping slightly. Wakatoshi has something in his hand, outstretched for Tooru to take. “There was a letter with him.”
Tooru carefully takes the letter from Wakatoshi, opening the folded piece of paper between his fingers. It’s heavy and more yellow instead of white—it reminds Tooru of a page out of an old book. Parchment, Tooru realizes. Suddenly, he has a sinking suspicion as to why, exactly, Wakatoshi has come to him.
The note is simple. It reads: It’s time for him to come home and underneath the kanji there is a line of other symbols. Fae symbols. Tooru isn’t completely fluent, but he can see symbols for the winter fae, royalty, and safe passage.
“Fuck,” Tooru whispers.
“I figured I should not leave him at the door all night to be found in the morning. He was already crying,” Wakatoshi says. “The shelter didn’t seem an appropriate place for him either.”
“Too much paperwork,” Tooru agrees. He turns his attention back to the child in his arms. He has Tooru’s finger in his mouth now, gnawing at it. “He’s probably hungry and tired. I’m sure it’s been a long day for him. Did he come with anything else?”
“No,” Wakatoshi says. “Just the blanket with the note inside. There wasn’t even a carrier. Do you know what that means?”
Wakatoshi gestures to the note still clasped between two of Tooru’s fingers. Tooru looks back down at it, frowning when he remembers what it says. “It means,” he says with a sigh, “that we’re stuck with each other for the foreseeable future. Tell me, Toshi-chan. Have you ever been to Faery?”
So that’s how they find themselves at the only open department store in their vicinity at ten o’clock at night, staring at the baby food. Tooru has officially taken over the baby handling—Wakatoshi looks so scared every time he has to take him that Tooru worries he’s going to pass out, and he’s definitely not in the mood to deal with that on top of everything else. The baby is now asleep, lulled by the movement of the bus, his face still pale as pale. Now, Tooru knows why. He reaches up, running his finger down his soft, soft cheek before turning his attention back to the food. He grabs enough formula to last them at least three weeks, then moves down to scoop a bunch of bottles into the basket Wakatoshi is carrying.
To his credit, Wakatoshi is silent, watching Tooru’s quick, efficient work without question. Tooru grabs pacifiers as well, continuing to push things into the basket down the whole aisle. After he’s satisfied with their selection of baby supplies, he wanders down the next aisle to see if he can find a better way to carry the child. He doesn’t think a stroller is the best choice to meander through a snowy tundra.
“Thank god,” Tooru mutters, picking up the last baby sling on the shelf. He shoves it into Wakatoshi’s arms. “We’ll have to take turns using it, but whatever.”
Wakatoshi studies the box, brow furrowed. “You put it on your chest,” Tooru explains. “It’ll be good to have, I promise. You might have big strong arms but even you would get tired carrying fifteen pounds 24/7.”
Wakatoshi nods in agreement, putting it carefully in the basket with all the other stuff Tooru had thrown his way. Tooru turns away, trying not to think of all the other times they’d gone shopping, Wakatoshi diligently pushing the shopping cart or holding their basket or bag.
Always so dependable.
Then, Tooru ushers Wakatoshi to the diaper bags. He takes his time looking into each, verifying they have enough room for the baby’s supplies as well as making sure they match the baby sling he’d just found. He wasn’t about to go traipsing through Faery looking anything less than perfect.
“Unfortunately, I think we’re going to have to invest in cloth diapers,” Tooru says, wrinkling his nose. “There won’t be convenient places to dispose of the others, not to mention the fact that we probably couldn’t carry a week’s supply of diapers with everything else, even if we wanted to.”
Wakatoshi nods. He’s always been stoic, speaking minimal words and content to observe. But he’s never this compliant, leaving Tooru free reign to do as he pleases. Tooru sets his jaw, opening his mouth to say something that will most likely be mean. Wakatoshi must read the expression on Tooru’s face, because he stiffens, mouth set in a hard line, ready to weather the storm that is Tooru’s wrath.
The baby shifts in Tooru’s arms, letting out a small whimper. All thoughts of telling Wakatoshi off fade as Tooru turns his attention back to the baby. Tooru moves him so he’s laying against his shoulder, and the baby falls back asleep. Tooru sighs, crisis averted. When he looks back at Wakatoshi, he’s still braced for impact.
“Let’s hurry,” Tooru says, no longer sure what, exactly, he had gotten so angry over.
They find the cloth diapers, and Tooru shoves a few new baby blankets into the basket as well before they make their way over to the clothes. “We’ll need to get him something warm,” Tooru says, passing the displays to go to the clearance rack.
“But it’s summer,” Wakatoshi says, the first opinion he’s voiced through this whole process.
Tooru rolls his eyes. “First of all, time in Faery is completely different. Just because it’s summer here doesn’t mean it is there. Secondly, we’re passing into the winter fae’s domain, which means it’s going to be fucking freezing no matter what time of year it is.”
Tooru finds a few thick onesies left from the winter and spring season that should fit the baby. When he glances back at Wakatoshi, he’s still watching Tooru as if he’s someone he’s never met before. “You don’t like the cold,” Wakatoshi says when he realizes Tooru’s looking at him.
“Nope,” Tooru says. For some reason, his face is starting to get warm. Of all the things that had happened that night this is what makes him blush? “I’m descended from the summer fae. The total opposite of winter fae.”
Wakatoshi nods. “Do you need a jacket as well? Or a sweater?”
“I should be fine,” Tooru answers. “After this, we’ll stop by your place and pick up what you’ll need. Unless you want to meet back up tomorrow morning?”
“No,” Wakatoshi says, his voice rushed. “I’ll stay with you tonight. For the baby.”
As if on cue, the baby makes a noise, flailing his arms before settling back down. Both Wakatoshi and Tooru are suddenly riveted on him. “I think we’re done,” Tooru says. “He’s not going to sleep for much longer, and he’s probably so hungry.”
Tooru strokes the small hand that had escaped its blanket, then tucks it away, readjusting the blanket. It’s thin and ragged. Tooru wonders where this poor child had been, why he’d been exiled to the human world for such a short amount of time.
“Let’s go,” Wakatoshi says. He leads the way to the front of the store. He refuses to let Tooru pay for anything, which also isn’t a new experience. I have the money, Wakatoshi had always said whenever Tooru tried to pay for something while they were out. I do too, Tooru had always sniped back, to no avail. In the year and change that Tooru had lived with Wakatoshi, he’s learned that this is the way Wakatoshi shows his affection—taking care of the needs of his partner. Tooru knows Wakatoshi is very aware of his limitations when it comes to emotional connections, and being able to provide for him had always made Wakatoshi feel as if he were contributing to their relationship.
Tooru hadn’t ever been able to express how much he appreciated this side of Wakatoshi, and it’s not like that has changed in the year since they’ve been apart.
After they pay, they go to Wakatoshi’s apartment. Tooru hasn’t been—he hasn’t seen Wakatoshi since he walked out the door, has hardly heard anything about him, in fact. He’s surprised to find that it’s not far from his own apartment. The apartment they previously shared.
“How long do you think this trip will be?” Wakatoshi asks as he unlocks his door.
Tooru considers. “It’ll probably take two or three days to get there, depending on how fast we can move with this one. We’ll have to walk—I’m not about to try and ride a horse and balance a baby at the same time. Maybe on the way home.”
“I have never ridden a horse,” Wakatoshi says.
“Exactly.” Tooru walks into Wakatoshi’s apartment when he gestures him in. It’s a spacious one bedroom affair with an open floor plan. The kitchen is sleek, appliances shiny and new, nothing cluttering the countertops. A modern-looking couch and coffee table sit in the middle of the living room facing a television. Tooru can hear the hum of the city floors below them.
“This is nice,” Tooru says, not sure that’s the word he wants. Minimal, maybe. Bare, if he were feeling mean. Certainly not warm or homey or any of the other words that people want a house to feel like.
“I’m not here often,” Wakatoshi says as if reading his mind. “I’m usually at the gym or the school.”
Ah, right. Wakatoshi, like Tooru, coaches volleyball. Unlike Tooru, Wakatoshi coaches professionally where Tooru found his calling teaching and coaching younger students.
Suddenly, Tooru doesn’t feel nearly as bad as he did when Wakatoshi paid for all the baby supplies.
“I’ll be just a moment,” Wakatoshi says, walking to the bedroom. “Please, make yourself comfortable.”
“Remember to bring warm clothes!” Tooru calls in a stage whisper. Wakatoshi turns around, nodding seriously before disappearing behind the door. Tooru tries to peer past him into the room, but Wakatoshi is quick to shut the door behind him. Tooru sighs, sitting gingerly down on the couch. It’s maybe the most uncomfortable thing he’s ever had the displeasure of sitting on.
As if he knows there’s been a lull in their night-time errands, the baby in Tooru’s arms wakes up. “Hi bud,” Tooru says softly, shifting him into a more comfortable position. “We’re almost done, promise. Do you need a diaper change before we go?”
Tooru lays him down on the couch, unwrapping the blanket. The onesie the baby is in is light blue, almost as tattered as the blanket, but at least it looks clean. His diaper is heavy. Tooru sighs, then leans down to rummage through the bags Wakatoshi had conveniently left at his feet to find the small pack of diapers they’d bought along with the cloth ones.
He changes him quickly, then takes one of their newly bought pacifiers and slips it into his mouth as he starts fussing. “I know, you’re probably hungry. We’re going to go home and get you food, okay? Just hold on for another ten minutes.”
The baby’s pale blue eyes stare up at him in fascination. His arms reach up toward Tooru’s face, and that’s when Tooru realizes he’s wearing his glasses. “You like them?” he asks, not entirely sure why he’s still talking since the baby can’t very well answer back. “Sorry, you can’t have them. They help me see.”
Tooru keeps up his string of dialogue, letting the baby play with his fingers as he waits for Wakatoshi to come out of the bedroom. It doesn’t take him long—he even has a sturdy backpack on his back when he comes into the room. “Do we need any other supplies?” Wakatoshi asks as he walks into the kitchen. “I have protein bars?”
“Yeah, and grab a water bottle. It’s not like we’ll be in the middle of nowhere—tourists are all over this part of Faery, so we’ll be able to stay at an inn every night, and there should be places to stop for food.” The thought of littering through Faery makes a shiver of horror run down Tooru’s spine, but it’s not like he has had time to plan this trip to this non-human world. He just resolves to make sure they leave everything cleaner than they found it.
Wakatoshi nods, doing as Tooru asks without question. He’s still being very quiet, which is a little unnerving for Tooru. Tooru wishes he would ask questions, demand to be included in the planning, tell him they should stay here for the night. Anything, really, besides this deference to Tooru’s whims.
But he doesn’t, just turns back to Tooru when he’s done as asked, waiting for his next order. Tooru sighs. “He needs a bottle and to get to sleep.”
“I can take him,” Wakatoshi says. “Your arms must be getting tired.”
Tooru can’t lie, his arms are a little tired. He passes the baby over to Wakatoshi without protest. He can’t help but hover, just a little, as Wakatoshi adjusts his grip, still so unsure. “You got your passport?”
“Yes,” Wakatoshi says.
Tooru nods. “You’ll have to fill out a form. I can print it out at my house. Because I’m part fae, you don’t need any other approval. It’s all stupid official stuff, but it shouldn’t be a big deal. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Wakatoshi nods, grimacing when the baby whimpers. “Okay,” Tooru says slowly. “Just make sure he doesn’t lose the pacifier.”
They decide to walk to Tooru’s house. It’s only ten minutes, but it’s probably the longest ten minutes of Tooru’s life, including everything that had happened in the past hour. Wakatoshi still doesn’t speak—this time, instead of the weird tension between him and Tooru, it’s because the baby is definitely more fussy with him than he was with Tooru. There’s a lot of factors there—first and foremost, he’s awake. Wakatoshi shifts him to another position, trying to get him to settle, but he grows more and more discontent.
“I can…”
“No,” Wakatoshi snaps. Tooru’s eyes widen at Wakatoshi’s insistence. “We’re almost there.”
If Tooru picks up his pace he doesn’t mention it.
By the time they get to Tooru’s apartment, the baby is having nothing to do with the pacifier and instead has started screaming.
“Here, you do the bottle,” Tooru says as soon as they pass through the door, taking the baby back from Wakatoshi before he can argue. He refuses the pacifier once again, screaming louder than before, if that’s even possible.
Wakatoshi digs the formula and a bottle out of the bag. Tooru can tell by the way his movements slow that he doesn’t know what to do, so Tooru gives instruction, raising his voice to compete with their little friend. “Rinse it out then fill it up with however much water it says to. It should be warm, but not hot.”
Watching Wakatoshi prepare the bottle is fascinating. He’s a perfectionist, that much Tooru knows from hours and hours of watching him perfect everything from a simple meal in the kitchen to spikes in the gym. To see his attention riveted on the simple act of finding the best temperature for water, measuring the formula to precision, and sealing the bottle to make sure there are no leaks, once again throws Tooru back to a time when they were together and he would tease Wakatoshi about his crawling pace. It’s a good thing I’m here to help you along, Tooru would have said in their previous life, and Wakatoshi would have leaned down to kiss him, asking for said help even if he didn’t need it.
“Honestly, have you never taken care of a baby?” Tooru asks, harsher than necessary because all these thoughts are pressing down on him, warring with the wailing of the baby to take up room in his brain. He takes the now-finished bottle from Wakatoshi’s hands, purposefully avoiding eye contact because he knows he’ll see hurt in Wakatoshi’s expression at his cruel tone. He shifts the baby so he has access to his wrist, pressing a drop of the milk on his skin. The temperature is perfect, of course. Tooru turns to the wailing child. “Shh, shh, shh, shh. Here you go, baby. There you go, you’re so hungry, aren’t you?”
Tooru turns his attention back to Wakatoshi once he gets the baby to latch onto the bottle and is surprised to see Wakatoshi staring at him. “When would I have taken care of a child this young?” Wakatoshi asks.
It takes Tooru a minute to put together that Wakatoshi is answering the previous question Tooru had asked in his moment of meanness. Tooru shrugs. “I don’t know. Teammates? Siblings? Cousins?”
Wakatoshi shakes his head. He’s still staring at the baby feeding in Tooru’s arms, a look of genuine fascination on his face. “I have a very small family and am an only child. My teammates are mostly single or have no children. They are waiting for retirement.”
Tooru nods. Sometimes he forgets that he’s the odd one out. He’s old enough to remember almost all of Takeru’s upbringing (“You’re ruining my life, Mina!” “Oh don’t be so dramatic Tooru, you’re twelve, what kind of life do you even have?”), and even when he’d played volleyball abroad he’d somehow been roped into helping teammates with their children at some point or another. “Well, you’re lucky to have me then,” Tooru finally says, and once again silence stretches around them, the only sound the ticking of Tooru’s oversized clock in the living room and the baby eating ravenously out of his bottle.
Tooru is glad to see that he looks sleepy once he’s done eating. He’d worried that his nap through the store would mess up his sleep schedule, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. “Is baby ready for bed?” Tooru asks, resting him on his chest.
“We can’t just keep calling him baby,” Wakatoshi says. “He needs a name.”
“Of course he has a name,” Tooru scoffs, patting the baby on his back. “Don’t you, little princeling?”
“Princeling?” Wakatoshi asks, and that’s when Tooru realizes he hasn’t actually told Wakatoshi anything about the letter. It makes him even more irrationally angry. He wonders if he told Wakatoshi to jump off the balcony if he would do it.
“Yes,” Tooru says tiredly. “I need to translate the letter more fully, but the seal is unmistakably the Winter Court’s. Fae royalty is still into all that stuffy etiquette nonsense. I knew there’d been a little bit of unrest, but there’s always someone trying to overthrow the monarchy so I figured it wasn’t a big deal. Who knew you’d cause so much trouble, little guy?”
Wakatoshi looks completely overwhelmed by Tooru’s explanation. Tooru decides not to elaborate further—fae politics were convoluted at best, and the less humans knew about them, the better. Even he developed a headache when his parents talked Court politics over the dinner table.
“It’s fine,” Tooru says. “All you need to know is that there’s a faery ring that will take us into the winter domain and it’ll take about three days to get him home.”
Wakatoshi continues watching Tooru, making him feel even more self-conscious. “I think we can call him Princeling.”
Tooru ducks his head into the child’s shoulder, hiding his smile. Of course that’s what Wakatoshi got out of that conversation. “Call him what you want, I’m sure he’ll be fine. Now, he’s on the brink of sleep. I’m going to see if I can get him down. I printed the paperwork that you need to do. It’s over there.”
With that, Tooru slips into his bedroom, letting out a long sigh. He’s exhausted—physically, mentally, and emotionally. The baby raises his head, his blue eyes open and curious as they stare at Tooru.
“It’s bedtime,” Tooru tells him, a little helplessly, dodging the hand that comes up for his glasses.
After almost an hour of playing and one-sided bargaining, Tooru gets the baby to sleep. He lets out a huge breath once he closes his bedroom door, leaning against it for a quick moment of relaxation before walking over to where Wakatoshi sits at the table, a different type of obstacle than the surprise baby in the other room. A much worse obstacle in some regards, Tooru thinks.
“I believe I filled these out correctly,” Wakatoshi says, offering the papers to Tooru as he sits at the table with him. He barely skims them because Wakatoshi’s probably perfect paperwork is the least of his worries. “Do we need to do anything for Princeling?”
Tooru presses his lips together to stop the grin threatening to take over his face. “No, I’ll figure something out. The letter mentioned safe passage, which probably means it’s glamoured.” Tooru pulls it out of his pocket, smoothing it down on the table. The words sit in heavy ink on the parchment, and they feel more official than the forms Wakatoshi had spent the last hour agonizing over. Tooru pulls out his phone and begins translating the message at the bottom of the letter. He’s glad it’s not very long—he hasn’t had to translate fae lettering in a long time, and he’s appalled at how rusty he is. Maybe when this is all over I’ll take a class, Tooru muses, writing down the first section of the newly translated letter on the back of one of Wakatoshi’s forms.
“I’m sorry,” Wakatoshi says suddenly.
Tooru glances up from his translation. “Hmm?”
Wakatoshi presses his lips together before he starts speaking again. “I’m sorry. For getting you into this mess. You didn’t have to help me, and I really appreciate it. You have always been much better with children than I, but I didn’t not realize it extended to infants as well.”
“It’s because I’m fae,” Tooru admits. Wakatoshi creases his eyebrows. Tooru rushes to clarify. “Being fae doesn’t help me with kids in general. At least, I don’t think. I mean the baby responds better to me because I have fae heritage. Like attracts like and all that. It’s why changelings have such a hard time adjusting. Imagine being in an inherently strange world, with people who don’t understand your needs even if they aren’t really any different than their own. If he were with human parents, I’m sure they were waiting for the first sign of an okay to give him away.”
Wakatoshi nods. “I understand.”
“Also, he likes my glasses. They’re shiny.”
Wakatoshi’s lips lift in the smallest smile. “I wanted to tell you they looked very nice, but we’ve been distracted. They’re new, aren’t they?”
Tooru nods, fiddling with said glasses in embarrassment as a warm flush starts in chest. He looks back down at his rough translation, clearing his throat.
“It says The throne of the winter fae is secure, and royalty has prevailed. Whoever is in possession of this letter will be granted safe passage and a reward most precious upon the return of the next heir to the throne. Precious reward, my ass. They’ll probably want to make us servants in the castle or some such nonsense.” Tooru scoffs, folding the letter and placing it inside of his own passport. “We should leave early tomorrow. The border crossing is always tedious, and the faster we can get through, the faster we can get to the winter palace.”
“Have you been there before?” Wakatoshi asks, tilting his head to the side curiously.
Tooru shakes his head. “I mean, all the Court lands spill into each other—that’s part of the reason why there’s always so much conflict, so I’ve been in the Winter Realm before. But usually we stick to the Summer Realm. I printed a map, but it’s really just follow the path until you run into the castle.”
“Yes, I saw,” Wakatoshi says, gesturing to the neat pile of other papers Tooru had printed along with Wakatoshi’s forms. “If we are leaving early, we should go to bed. You look tired.”
Now that Wakatoshi mentioned it, Tooru does feel tired. He rubs at his eyes. “You don’t look so great yourself. Does eight sound like a good time to leave?”
“Yes,” Wakatoshi says, standing up from the table. Tooru follows suit. He thinks about packing up the baby supplies so he doesn’t have to worry about it in the morning, but now that Wakatoshi mentioned sleep, it’s like his body has already taken his advice. “I’ll… sleep out here.” Tooru doesn’t miss the way his voice catches ever so slightly as he glances at the couch.
Tooru nods. The atmosphere, once light, suddenly presses down around them, stifling with all their past arguments, of the two weeks leading up to their split where Wakatoshi spent more time sleeping on the couch than in their bed. Tooru has had a lot of time getting used to the empty side of his bed, but Wakatoshi hasn’t had to sleep on this couch since he left.
The thought almost makes Tooru invite him into the room, but he knows that’ll just make everything worse than it already is. “I’ll get you a pillow and some blankets.”
Without waiting for him to respond, Tooru escapes into his room. He grabs the two spare blankets he’s bought since Wakatoshi left and a pillow he has in the closet, lugging them all back into the front room. Wakatoshi is looking at his phone, but as soon as Tooru walks into the room he puts it away. Tooru doesn’t comment.
“If you need anything…” Tooru starts, but he can’t come up with a way to end the sentence.
Wakatoshi nods. “There are blankets in the corner and your room is on the right. Sleep well, Tooru.”
Tooru opens his mouth to say something, but he can feel his throat close up as tears press against his eyes. I’m tired, he thinks. That’s all.
“Goodnight,” he finally grits out, and before he can see Wakatoshi’s reaction to the strange wobbling in his voice he turns away, escaping back to his room.
The baby is where Tooru left him, far enough on the bed so Tooru isn’t worried about him falling off but leaving him enough room to sleep without fear of accidentally hurting the baby. It’s one time that Tooru is happy to have such a massive bed.
“Well, for such a little thing, you sure have shaken up my life,” Tooru says to the sleeping baby, reaching over to stroke a finger down his cheek. He thinks about Wakatoshi standing at the door with such a look of relief when he’d invited him inside. Wakatoshi doesn’t like to show his vulnerability to people. Tooru has always been an exception.
“This is probably going to be a disaster,” he whispers. As soon as he closes his eyes, he falls asleep, just as he knew he would.
Of course, Tooru wakes up to the baby crying. He groans, sitting up and glancing at the clock. Six thirty. His head is already pounding with his less than stellar sleep. “What a way to start,” Tooru mutters, pressing the heel of his palm to his forehead for a few seconds before turning his attention to the little problem that had thrown them into this whole situation. At least he’d slept through the night, Tooru thinks. Small miracles.
He coos nonsense to the baby as he scoops him up. His arms are sore—probably from all the baby carrying the night before. “You’re going right into your sling as soon as you eat and get dressed, yes you are.”
When he enters the living room, Wakatoshi is already up. From what Tooru can see, he has packed up most of their supplies. He wonders how long he’s been awake, if he had just as hard of a time sleeping as Tooru. “Good morning,” Wakatoshi says, zipping up the diaper bag. “I think I made the bottle okay. Would you check it?”
Tooru follows Wakatoshi’s gesture to where a bottle sits on the counter. He tests it—Wakatoshi must have just made it. “Perfect.”
For the first time since he has seen him, Wakatoshi smiles. It’s a small, hesitant thing, and it makes Tooru’s heart flutter. “I can feed him while you get ready, if you would like.”
“That would actually be great.” Tooru passes him over to Wakatoshi.
“I hope you don’t mind, I used the guest bathroom,” Wakatoshi says.
“Of course not,” Tooru says, more surprised that he hadn’t heard the shower than anything else. “I should have gotten it ready for you last night. Anyway, I shouldn’t be long.”
A half hour later Tooru is showered, dressed, and packed as efficiently as he could be in the only backpack he owns. He knows for a fact that there wasn’t room to pack enough layers for him to be truly warm, so all he can hope is that he survives the cold without losing any body parts. He opts to keep wearing his glasses because 1) they’re a very efficient distraction for the baby and 2) they’re way less maintenance than contacts because who knows what kind of human luxuries they will or won’t have on this impromptu journey.
Wakatoshi is having a stare off with the child when Tooru walks into the living room. At least he’s not crying, Tooru thinks, not sure if he meant the baby or Wakatoshi.
“Are we ready to head out?” Tooru asks, taking the sling and putting it on. Wakatoshi nods, the baby propped in one arm as he stands. Tooru doesn’t know if he just wasn’t paying attention last night or if he’d just been too concerned with other things happening, but he’s suddenly struck by how much bigger Wakatoshi is than the tiny life in his arms. He almost regrets saying, “I’ll have to start out with him. It’ll be easier for me to glamour him if I’m closer to him.”
Wakatoshi hesitates before passing the baby over. “You’ll get plenty more time with him,” Tooru reassures Wakatoshi, letting him fuss over the baby. After he’s situated, Tooru checks the diaper bag to make sure Wakatoshi got everything they needed. Of course he had.
“We can take turns with it,” Wakatoshi says, taking it out of Tooru’s hands and slinging it over his shoulder. “I have a suspicious feeling that our backs aren’t going to like us by the end of this.”
“Just our backs?” Tooru jokes. “I think my knee will be a strong contender.” The morning air nips at his cheeks and nose as they leave his apartment. His chest is tight with something—anticipation, excitement, happiness. It’s an odd feeling, definitely not what he thought he would feel when this moment arrived.
When they get to the train station, they get a few subtle glances, but no one is impolite enough to outright stare. Tooru gets a glimpse of them in the metallic shine of a wall and stifles a laugh. They look like those fancy tourist hikers that never prepare for the right situations. Tooru hates that that’s kind of what they are.
“Next time,” Tooru tells Wakatoshi as they get on the train, “give me, like, a seventy-two hour notice that we’re going into another world and I’ll make sure we don’t look like we’re begging to be eaten.”
Wakatoshi raises his eyebrows. “Do you think we have a chance of being eaten? I have heard that things are a little unorthodox in Faery, but I wasn’t expecting to fight for my life.”
Tooru lets out an unexpected shout of laughter before covering his mouth. He hasn’t laughed this much in months, and he wonders if it’s hysteria finally setting in or if it’s just the effect Wakatoshi has on him. After he gets control of himself, he says, “I mean, there might be some creatures that want to eat you, but I’ll make sure you get home safely. I think I’d actually be sad if you were eaten.”
“That is nice to know,” Wakatoshi says, voice neutral, and Tooru can’t tell if he’s kidding or not.
The train ride is only twenty minutes, but the baby does not like it. It’s loud and crowded, not to mention all the iron that surrounds them. Wakatoshi distracts him by playing peek-a-boo, and Tooru’s grateful that they’re off the train by the time the little prince really gets into his throwing-his-pacifier-so-Wakatoshi-will-catch-it game.
The faery ring is located at the edge of a forest in a clearing in the middle of nowhere. It’s a pretty underwhelming scene, as are most faery rings, and every time Tooru visits a crossing point into Faery, he’s always surprised by how many people there are. Sure, some of them are fae who, for whatever reason, are using human methods to enter their home realm. But most of them are tourists or philanthropists or some other such nonsense.
“It’s not as if it’s appealing or welcoming,” Tooru mutters as they get in line. “The fae hate humans as much as they always have. If you want a nice family vacation, go to Disneyland. Or Hawaii. At least it’s warm.”
“But isn’t it human nature to seek things that are dangerous?” Wakatoshi asks. “Things that seem unattainable are what humans long for. Faery is no different, I suppose. And being so close, some people probably can’t resist the siren song of adventure.”
“You seem to keep a level head on your shoulders,” Tooru says. “No pining after things that you can’t win.”
Wakatoshi doesn’t answer. Tooru glances up at him, surprised to see that he’s already looking at Tooru with a complicated expression. “It’s true that I’ve attained a lot of things in my life, but I have one thing that I still long for. I think I would trade almost all my accomplishments to be able to attain it.”
Tooru’s eyes widen. Before he can say anything, they’ve made it to the front of the line.
“State your business,” the border guard says, his voice bored.
“Ah, sightseeing,” Tooru says mustering his most cheerful tone. When the border guard looks up at him, his eyes snag on Tooru’s charming smile. Tooru had chosen him specifically for his susceptibility. He ramps up his charm, leaning in a little closer. “I haven’t been home in so long, and I wanted to show my boyfriend where I grew up! It’s our anniversary, you know, and my parents have been begging me to introduce him to them.”
Tooru feels Wakatoshi stiffen beside him. He reaches down, grasping Wakatoshi’s hand with his. To anyone else, it would appear a loving gesture, but Tooru’s grip is strangling.
As someone with fae heritage, it’s very hard for Tooru to lie. It’s not impossible, like it is with full fae, but it does leave side effects like fatigue, brain fog, and a sore throat depending on the severity of the lie. That doesn’t mean he can’t stretch the truth—fae are notorious for that. So everything Tooru had said in those two sentences to the border guard is technically true, in some fashion. When Tooru and Wakatoshi were dating, there was nothing more that Tooru had wanted than to bring him to Faery to show him the summer home his parents had. He had also never introduced Wakatoshi to his parents, much to his mother’s chagrin. And if he hadn’t mentioned that they’d broken up, well. What they don’t know doesn’t hurt them.
It also, Tooru remembered in the middle of the night, was in fact their anniversary. Just because he hadn’t tied the two halves of his story together didn't mean they weren’t still true. It was the guard’s fault for not picking up on it. The trick to glamour, Tooru has learned, is to make the story as plausible as possible and keep everything closer to the truth than not. The fact that it’s his and Wakatoshi’s anniversary (or would be, if they were still together) had been icing on the cake to his spun story of their love for each other.
“Sounds like a fun trip,” the man says, his attention still riveted on Tooru. “Paperwork?”
Tooru hands over the neat pile of his and Wakatoshi’s papers and passports. The guard breezes through his, barely looking, then pulls Wakatoshi’s toward him.
“Hey, don’t you play volleyball?” the border guard asks, finally breaking away from Tooru’s charm to look at his companion. “I think I saw you in the Olympics!”
Wakatoshi nods. “I have retired, but yes, I played volleyball for quite some time. I am on the coaching staff now.”
Tooru tries not to be too offended when the border guard doesn’t realize that he had played volleyball as well. And he’d won more medals than Wakatoshi! He listens sullenly to their small talk as the border guard scans Wakatoshi’s passport and paperwork. He sets it down and Tooru lets out a long, controlled breath. He had hoped it would go this smooth, he just hadn’t really expected it to.
And now, they only had one hurdle left. The trickiest, but Tooru thinks it’ll be okay. The guard has taken very well to his glamour so far.
“And the little one? Does he have paperwork?”
“Of course! Here you go,” Tooru says, handing over the letter with a steady hand. He can feel Wakatoshi’s burning gaze but refuses to look over at him. He needs all the concentration he can muster, and any doubt would ruin the glamour completely.
The border guard barely skims the parchment as if it truly looks like a passport, then folds it and hands it back. “Enjoy your stay. Remember. You’ll have about ten days before there’s a time lapse, and I’ve heard it’s going to be a big one.”
They’re going to be out of here in less than a week, but Tooru’s not about to tell him that. “Thank you so much for all your help!” Tooru chirps, his relief palpable. Before the border guard can pick up on anything suspicious, Tooru scoops up their passports and paperwork, shoving them toward Wakatoshi and waving farewell as they pass through the faery ring and into the treeline.
The only noticeable difference is the chill in the air. Tooru shivers, wrapping his arms around himself as best he can with the child attached to his chest. “That was… amazing,” Wakatoshi says once Tooru deems them far enough away from the border to stop to readjust.
He pulls his jacket on over the baby sling, waving Wakatoshi away when he tries to help. “It’s not too bad yet,” he says. “When we switch, I’ll zip it up.”
Wakatoshi hesitates, hands still hovering around Tooru, but eventually he retreats. “Let me know if you get too cold,” he says, and with that, they start walking.
It’s boring. For the first half of the day, all they see are trees and the occasional horse. Every once in a while, they’ll see a cartload of people, but Tooru tells Wakatoshi that it’s probably exorbitantly expensive, and not money-wise. “Fae don’t much care for money,” Tooru explains. “Sure, there are gold and silver currencies. Not everyone’s stupid enough to pay for lodging or a new dress with a lock of hair. but usually with something like that, they have a specific thing in mind that they want from you. Your firstborn child, or a vat of your tears, or years of your life. Don’t ever try and bargain with a fae. Chances are, you’re going to lose. It’s best if we get where we’re going of our own power and volition."
Wakatoshi nods seriously.
They stop for lunch in the late afternoon. Tooru had prepped Wakatoshi for the fact that their technology would fail as soon as they stepped into Faery. Even their watches seemed to have started to stutter and stall. The first signs of unease cross Wakatoshi’s face when he realizes that their watches, once synced, now show completely different times. “You get used to it,” Tooru says, taking his off and throwing it in the side pocket of his backpack. “It’s kind of relieving, not having to worry about time so strictly.”
Wakatoshi nods, glancing down at his watch one more time with a frown.
As the sun goes down, Tooru definitely starts feeling the chill in the air. He shivers, zipping up his jacket. “You’re good to finish the night with him?” Tooru says, groaning as he stands up. As a retired athlete who’s stayed in pretty good shape, he hadn’t expected to be this affected so early on in their trip. Three days of this was going to suck.
“Of course,” Wakatoshi says. “You’ve had him for longer than half the day.”
“It’s nap time anyway,” Tooru says, snuggling up to the baby and kissing him on the cheek. “You’ll be good for Toshi-chan, won’t you?”
The baby coos his approval as he settles in on Wakatoshi’s chest. He’s seemed to warm up to his new situation, much to Tooru’s relief. And as they begin the last stretch of the day’s journey, the baby falls asleep, as anticipated.
Of course, not everything could go as planned.
The baby wakes up from his nap screaming. That, in and of itself, is nothing new. He seems to wake up that way more often than not. But this time, they can’t get him to stop.
“Sometimes, babies just need to cry,” Tooru says helplessly as Wakatoshi bounces him. He doesn’t need a diaper change, won’t take a bottle or a pacifier. Tooru had tried playing with him, with rattles and whatever other toys they’d purchased at the store the night before. He even tried taking him out of the sling, wondering if it’s pressing into him uncomfortably, but that seems to make him even madder.
“Maybe we should stop for the night,” Wakatoshi suggests. It’s definitely not what Tooru wants, but they had made good time so far, so he acquiesces.
As Tooru predicted, it’s not hard to find an inn that has an empty room and food at a reasonable price. They must look haggard, because the girl running the counter gives them a discount on their food. Everyone else in the inn gives them subtle glares, since the baby is still screaming at the top of his lungs.
“Would we be able to get the food in our room?” Tooru asks.
“Of course,” the woman says in that way that means I thought you’d never ask. “I’ll have it delivered shortly, along with a bassinet for the little guy.”
Wakatoshi and Tooru troop up the stairs, Wakatoshi still trying to placate the wailing child. “I don’t know what you want,” he says. “Maybe you want to be on the ground. You’ve been carried for so long.”
There’s nothing better to try, so Wakatoshi sets him down on the first bed he sees. His little arms and legs flail as he continues his protest for a few more seconds. “I give up,” Tooru moans, dropping his head into his hands.
But Wakatoshi digs into the bag, finding a little stuffed elephant that has crinkly ears and a few other knickknacks on it. He shakes it, making the bells jingle. The crying stalls, just a little, as his attention is drawn to the toy in Wakatoshi’s hand. He shakes it again before tilting it down so the baby could take it. The baby still lets out a little wail of protest every once in a while, but so far he seems to be quite content with his little toy.
“Wow,” Tooru says. “Good job.”
“Thank you,” Wakatoshi says, letting out a sigh as if he’s just finished up a long day in the office. “I’m surprised that worked.”
“It must be hard, being so off your schedule. Huh, little princeling?” Tooru says, laying down on his stomach on the bed next to the baby. The baby makes a few sounds, still fascinated with the little toy Wakatoshi had given him.
Now that everything has settled down a little, Tooru takes stock of the room. It’s big, with two beds as far apart from each other as they can be. A door sits ajar between them—a washroom, from what Tooru can tell. There’s a table underneath a window, a bowl of fresh fruit sitting unassuming in the middle.
“Wow, she really did feel sorry for us,” Tooru says. “But don’t eat the fruit.”
Wakatoshi nods. “How do I know which food to eat?” he asks.
Tooru shrugs. “You just kind of… know?” he answers. “Stay away from fruit in general. Prepared food is less of an issue, unless it’s poisoned, I guess. But I’m pretty sure no one’s out to poison us.”
As if on cue, a knock sounds at the door. Wakatoshi stands before Tooru can muster up the willpower. He thanks the worker who brought them the food, sets it on the table, then pushes the baby bassinet into the room as well.
Both of them seem to be walking on eggshells around the baby after his little temper tantrum, but he seems to have settled down. It’s past dark by the time they and the little prince finish dinner.
“It’s okay if we turn in early,” Wakatoshi says.
“Hmm?” Tooru asks, opening his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d closed them.
“We should sleep,” Wakatoshi reiterates. “I can put the baby down. Does he sleep in anything in particular?”
“Something warm,” Tooru murmurs, taking his glasses off to rub at his eyes. He watches as Wakatoshi stands up, rocking the baby gently as he whispers in his ear. His eyes grow heavy within minutes. It seems like the day has been long for all of them.
Wakatoshi places the baby in the bassinet, making sure to cover him with his blanket before rejoining Tooru at the table. “You’re getting really handy with him,” Tooru says, nodding with his head toward the baby, as if there was anyone else that he meant.
“I’ve been watching you,” Wakatoshi says, his cheeks tinted pink. “You handle him very well.”
Silence descends, the same as it has every time the baby isn’t there to act as a buffer between them. Tooru is just about to turn in for the night when Wakatoshi begins rustling through his backpack.
“I got you something,” he says, sitting back up. He looks nervous as he hands it over. “I… I didn’t know if you’d remember our anniversary, but I still… I saw it at the store and thought I should get it as a thank you, if nothing else.”
It’s one of Tooru’s favorite chocolate bars. He reaches out and takes it, a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Oh,” he says. He runs his fingers down the smooth sleeve on the chocolate bar.
“I know it’s not much,” Wakatoshi says, his voice painfully reticent. “I… I had a different present but, with everything and, you know…”
Tooru has never seen Wakatoshi so flustered. Wakatoshi runs his hands down his thighs, then clenches and flexes his hands a few times before sitting very still. “I didn’t get you anything,” Tooru says, turning his attention back to the chocolate bar. He starts unwrapping it, the foil the only sound for a few seconds.
“You didn’t need to,” Wakatoshi points out quickly. “We’re… We’re not together. So you have no obligation to get me anything. Tendou told me not to do it, but I couldn’t help but think of you when I saw it. Anyway, I am going to go to sleep. Goodnight, Tooru.”
Without another word, Wakatoshi stands, stacking their dishes very efficiently before escaping to the washroom, leaving Tooru to stare at the golden wrapper in his hands. He breaks a piece of the chocolate off, putting it in his mouth. It’s a little sweet and a little bitter, just like most of his life has become.
The next morning, there’s no mention of the strange night. There’s really no mention of anything, just the two of them gathering what little belongings they had and making their way down the stairs for a quick breakfast. Tooru is sore all over the place, the sore of muscles being worked long and hard where they haven’t been previously. He hopes he’s not hobbling as he walks.
“He seems like he’s in a much better mood,” the woman who helped them last night says, gesturing to the baby.
“Yes,” Tooru answers. “We’re getting better at this whole parenting thing, aren’t we, Toshi-chan?”
The little ache in Tooru’s throat is well worth it when he sees the fiery blush on Wakatoshi’s cheeks.
Their day is much the same as the previous one, except this time, there’s snow on the ground.
Tooru shivers, tucking his nose into his scarf. “There’s snow year round,” he explains. “The closer we get to the heart of the Winter Realm, the colder it will get.”
“It’s very pretty,” Wakatoshi says as they approach a village made of glass and ice, glaringly bright in the midday sun.
Tooru smiles. “In the Summer Realm, some of the villages are built into the trees. There are amazing bridges that span miles. And in the Spring Realm, I once stayed in an inn made entirely of flowers. It smelled so good…”
Tooru regales Wakatoshi with stories of his childhood as they continue walking. He’d never told anyone besides Hajime about this part of him, not so openly. It feels kind of nice, as if a part of himself is unraveling from its tight knot.
The baby seems much happier the farther they go as well. It’s almost as if he recognizes where he is, which is ridiculous, but who knows with the fae. When Wakatoshi takes his turn to carry him, he lets him play with snow and icicles, even if half of it ends up in his face.
“He’s having fun,” Wakatoshi says with a laugh when Tooru asks him why he’s subjecting himself to such torture. “I will remember not to include you in any snowball fights.”
“Damn straight you won’t if you know what’s good for you,” Tooru sniffs.
“Thank you for telling me about this part of yourself,” Wakatoshi says suddenly. “I apologize for never asking before.”
Tooru smiles. “It’s not your fault. It’s a part of myself that I’ve never really acknowledged until recently. Kids are cruel sometimes, and it was just easier to pretend I was normal. It’s not that I’m ashamed of where I come from. It’s just that I’ve lived so long making this part of myself smaller.”
“I think it makes you uniquely you,” Wakatoshi says. Tooru has a very intense urge to reach out and grab his hand, but he restrains himself at the last second.
“Maybe when this is all over, I can bring you back here. Well, not here, exactly, but to my parents’ house. It’s one of my favorite places.”
“I would like that very much,” Wakatoshi says.
They travel until nightfall. Tooru’s legs are aching, but Wakatoshi hasn’t said anything so he doesn’t either. He’s also in three layers and knows it’s just going to get colder. “I think we’ll make it to the castle by tomorrow night,” Tooru says when they get the baby to sleep. They’re at another inn, but this one has much smaller lodgings and the baby is once again sleeping on Tooru’s bed.
“Oh,” Wakatoshi says. He looks a little crestfallen, but before Tooru can get a good look at his expression, he turns his face away. “That’s good. Princeling needs to get to his home.”
Tooru doesn’t tell Wakatoshi that, from what he knows of fae upbringing, their little prince friend probably isn’t going to have a great childhood. That he’ll be seen as more of a pawn than a person, that his parents won’t really care much about him besides whether or not he’s turning into the ruler that they want him to become. “It’s good for him to be back here,” is finally what Tooru settles on.
That night, his dreams are plagued by snowstorms.
Tooru comes back into the world slowly. Once again, his whole body aches. He thinks if he could become one with the bed, he’d do so in a heartbeat.
“Tooru needs his sleep,” he hears Wakatoshi murmur to the baby. His eyes snap open. His two travel companions are at the table, Wakatoshi changing the baby into new clothes. “He doesn’t always sleep well, and this trip has been very hard on him. We can figure this out, can’t we?”
The baby coos. Sounds like he’s in a good mood. Tooru closes his eyes, listening to the soft sounds of Wakatoshi making a bottle. He’d grown so much more confident in the few days they’d been together. He feels… proud, of Wakatoshi’s accomplishments.
He dozes for a few more minutes until he knows he has to get up or stall them for another day. He groans, stretching dramatically before drooping back onto the bed. “Good morning,” Wakatoshi says.
“How do you get up so early?” Tooru groans, rolling off of his bed. He thinks probably 99% of his body is numb, which is fine. It’s only, like, fifteen more miles to the castle. In his peak volleyball days, he was running at least that much every day.
“I have always been a morning person,” Wakatoshi answers as if Tooru doesn’t know that.
This morning is slower going than the previous two. Tooru notices that Wakatoshi is also hobbling slightly, which makes him feel a bit better about the way his knee is locking up in the cold.
“Do you have enough layers?” Wakatoshi asks as they start off. Tooru is in a long sleeved shirt, a sweater, and a jacket. He has thick gloves on and a woefully thin scarf.
“I didn’t have room for any more,” he mumbles into his scarf, shivering as a gust of icy wind blows directly into his face.
“Here.” Before Tooru can react, Wakatoshi has wrapped his own scarf around Tooru’s neck. “I also have an extra jacket.”
“No, no, that’s okay,” Tooru says. He’s suddenly very overwhelmed by the scent of Wakatoshi. He’d never considered stealing his (ex)boyfriend’s scarves before, but now he’s thinking that was definitely a missed opportunity. Wakatoshi backs away, nodding solemnly at what Tooru thinks must be the most ridiculous sight he's ever seen.
“Thanks,” Tooru says as they start off.
Wakatoshi shrugs. He’s starting with the baby (and Tooru has a sneaking suspicion he has it in his mind that he’s going to have him all day, the self-sacrificing idiot). “I am not too cold yet. I’ve always liked the snow.”
“Ah, opposites in everything, it appears,” Tooru says, nudging Wakatoshi with his elbow. He doesn’t know when he decided to cross the proximity barrier they’d both constructed for each other, but Wakatoshi doesn’t seem to mind. If anything, he leans into the touch.
Tooru refuses to think that the color on his cheeks isn’t because of the cold.
They only stop to change the baby. They even eat on the move. There’s a tension between wanting to see the end of this tiring journey but not wanting to separate from each other or the baby.
That’s the most surprising part of all of this. Tooru hadn’t expected to get so attached to the little stranger he’s only known for three days.
They see the castle much sooner than they reach it. It stands by itself, white and crystal bright against the gray, cloudy sky. There’s a lot more traffic around them as well, fae and humans alike coming and going from the castle. It’s the strangest mix of tourism and day-to-day life Tooru has ever seen.
When they reach the castle, everything is surprisingly underwhelming. They don’t even have to say anything to the guards at the gate. As soon as they see the baby on Wakatosh’s chest, a flurry of activity begins. Tooru and Wakatoshi are ushered into the receiving hall, where the queen sits on a throne made of ice. None of the courtiers are present—because of Wakatoshi, Tooru assumes. No one wants a human for a hero. It could also be because of him and his summer heritage, but he doesn’t want to acknowledge that.
The queen takes the baby, looking more uncomfortable than Wakatoshi ever did. Fae parents aren’t really known for their nurturing skills, and after spending three days with this kid, Tooru’s a little sad to see him go.
“You’ve done us a great service,” the queen says, turning her icy gaze to Tooru and Wakatoshi. He shivers, burying his face further into the scarves around his neck. He gets the faintest whiff of Wakatoshi’s cologne. “It seems I owe you a small debt.”
“Just let us sleep here overnight and we’ll call it even,” Tooru says. “Oh! And we get to come visit the little prince whenever we want.”
The queen’s expression looks pained as she says, “These seem like reasonable demands. I will acquiesce. You will want for nothing while you are the guests of the Winter Court. Let it be known that our hospitality is gracious.”
“Of course,” Tooru says with his most winning smile, even though he kind of wants to punch her. “We’ve had a very warm welcome.”
“Can we please know what to call him?” Wakatoshi asks, surprising both Tooru and the queen.
She looks down at the baby, bemused, as if she’s never considered his name. “Frost,” she finally says.
“Oh Frost, of course,” Tooru says, because he has little self control, even in the best of times. “The only thing more obvious would have been Winter. Or Ice.”
The queen’s gaze is sharp as she says, “The guard at the door will show you to your lodgings.”
Tooru knows better than to expect a thank you from the queen, but he’s still a little miffed by the blatant dismissal after the disaster that the past half-week has been. He doesn’t know what face he must have made, but Wakatoshi grasps his elbow, squeezing lightly. “It was a pleasure to meet you and young Frost. We hope he has a safe and happy childhood.”
With that, he turns, forcing Tooru to turn as well.
The guard doesn’t speak, just leads them to the guest wing. “They’re very much the strong and silent type,” Tooru comments, nudging Wakatoshi, “just like you!”
This is Tooru’s favorite new game: seeing how he can make Wakatoshi blush.
“Here are your rooms,” the guard finally says, the first time he’s even acknowledged there was anyone following him. “There will be someone waiting out here to tend to your every need. Please let them know when you’re ready for food, or if you have any other concerns.”
With that, Tooru and Wakatoshi are ushered into their suite of rooms for the night. “More like prison,” Tooru says cheerfully as he looks around. “They don’t want us roaming around causing havoc. This is nice.”
And it is. There’s a blazing fireplace and a tall four poster bed that looks as if it’s made of icicles (it’s not—Tooru touches it to make sure). There are two other rooms attached—one a large sitting room and the other a washroom with a very nice bathtub that Tooru can’t wait to try out. Maybe. After a nap—a thirteen hour one, probably.
“There is only one bed,” Wakatoshi says.
Tooru shrugs, flopping down on said bed. “At this point, we might as well share. It’s not like we haven’t done it before. Or we can go complain. I’m all for inconveniencing obnoxious monarchs…”
“No, it’s fine,” Wakatoshi says quickly. He sits on the bed, a little hesitant, as if Tooru is going to lash out. When he doesn’t, he sinks down further, relaxing for the first time since they’ve started this impromptu journey.
It’s silent for a few minutes between them. Tooru stares at the ceiling. Now that they don’t have Frost to act as a buffer, there’s so much between them that should be said.
Wakatoshi must think so as well, because he clears his throat in the way Tooru knows means he has something important to get off of his chest. “I think, maybe, we have some unresolved feelings. At least, I do. I know I cannot speak for you.”
Tooru has tried so hard, for so long, to not think about his feelings. It was much easier to be angry, to rage at the world and at Wakatoshi instead of admitting that he messed up.
“Why didn’t you come back?” Tooru asks.
Wakatoshi shrugs. “You told me not to.”
It’s said so simply, so matter-of-fact. Tooru has always had to fight and claw to get anything he wanted out of life. To have someone so willing to listen to him is still something he struggles to get his mind around. “I’ve said things like that before.”
“You didn’t mean it before,” Wakatoshi answers.
Tooru opens his mouth to argue that he hadn’t that time either, not really, but pauses. He doesn’t know what had been different, but something had. He’d seen it in Wakatoshi too—so many fights in such a short amount of time had worn both of them down. Tooru knew if he pushed one more time, Wakatoshi would break.
He’d done it anyway.
“You didn’t even come to get your stuff,” Tooru says, refusing to look at Wakatoshi. “I couldn’t even explain myself, or tell you I’d done something stupid. You sent fucking Hinata and Kageyama to pick up your shit…”
“I wanted to send a friend,” Wakatoshi says. “To both you and I, because you clearly didn’t want to see me. I think…” Wakatoshi swallows, blinks his eyes. Tooru doesn’t know if he’s ever seen Wakatoshi cry. He’s seen the aftermath, sure, but Tooru is definitely the one to show his emotions without fear. So, with unshed tears dewed on his lashes, Wakatoshi continues. “I think I thought that if you saw how well I listened to you, how much I wanted to please you, how much I just wanted to stop disappointing you, you would take me back. I think maybe I’ve thought that this whole time, even though everyone tells me not to. But you never reached out.”
The words are a blow to Tooru. He sits up, because suddenly everything is very, very real. “You never disappointed me,” Tooru says. “I’m sorry that you ever thought that. I know…” Tooru grasps for the words to convey what he’s tried so hard not to articulate about himself. “I know that my words are hurtful when I want them to be. Sometimes, I say things because I know what they’ll do to a person, not because I really mean them.”
“I understand,” Wakatoshi says. He looks back in control of his emotions now. “I mean, I knew that. But after so many fights, and all of them my fault, I just…”
“They weren’t,” Tooru says firmly. He reaches out, resting his hand over Wakatoshi’s. Surprised, Wakatoshi glances down. “I picked fights because I was mad. You had every right to accuse me of it, because it was true and I shouldn’t have done it.”
“I could have been nicer,” Wakatoshi says.
Tooru snorts. “Toshi, love, if you were any nicer you’d simply never have any input in anything.”
Wakatoshi’s eyes widen. Tooru didn’t think he’d said anything so outlandish, but when he thinks back to what he said, he also freezes. “Um, I mean…”
“It’s okay,” Wakatoshi says. He turns his hand, slipping his fingers in between Tooru’s. “So our relationship fell apart because we simply did not understand how to communicate with each other. Would there ever be a world in which it would have worked, between us?”
Tooru stays very still as he considers the best way to answer Wakatoshi’s question. “I think,” he says, “that our relationship could work in whatever world we want to create. It sucks that it took us until we were literally forced on a quest together to figure it out.”
Wakatoshi’s fingers tighten on Tooru’s at the answer. “Does that mean…”
Emotion overcomes Wakatoshi, enough that he has to stop speaking. Tooru shrugs. When he leans toward Wakatoshi, however, his arm comes up reflexively, pulling Tooru closer. Tooru sighs, resting his head on Wakatoshi’s shoulder. Ever since Wakatoshi showed up at his door a handful of days ago, this is the only thing he’s wanted. He breathes in Wakatoshi’s scent, achingly familiar. “It means whatever you want it to mean.”
Wakatoshi disentangles their hands, only to tilt Tooru’s chin up. It feels a lot like their first kiss—hesitant and exploratory and eager. Tooru’s hands find Wakatoshi’s neck before sliding up into his hair. This is a familiar cadence, a favorite song that hasn’t been played for so long. Wakatoshi pulls him closer. Tooru can taste the apologies and love in every brush of Wakatoshi’s lips.
“I missed you,” Tooru says when Wakatoshi pulls away. He strokes the planes of Wakatoshi’s face he memorized so long ago. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too,” Wakatoshi says. “Let’s talk about that when we get back to Japan. I would like to try again, but I think we will have to take things slow. And talk through a lot of things.”
Tooru laughs, tugging Wakatoshi over him. “I wholeheartedly agree, but now that we’re here, we’ve been given this very nice bed. It would be a shame not to use it.”
Wakatoshi, it seems, wholeheartedly agrees with that sentiment as well.
Afterward, Tooru lays wrapped in three blankets, shivering in Wakatoshi’s arms. “You really do get cold easily,” Wakatoshi says, frowning. “Would you like to ask for more blankets?”
Tooru shakes his head. “The fire should be fine. But, if we wanted to ask for food, I wouldn’t be opposed.”
Wakatoshi smiles, leaning down to place a quick kiss on Tooru’s forehead before getting out of bed to ask the servant at the door to bring them a meal. Tooru snuggles deeper into the blankets, smiling softly as he watches Wakatoshi politely converse with the faery at the door.
They catch up during their dinner in bed. Wakatoshi tells him about his volunteer work at the shelter. “I wanted to be busy,” Wakatoshi explains. “But I never expected something so unexpected to happen. Mostly it’s just filing paperwork.”
“This was definitely out of the ordinary,” Tooru laughs, putting his empty plate on the bedside table and diving back into Wakatoshi’s arms. “Literally unlike anything I’ve ever heard of. Our own little fairy tale if you will. But it was kind of fun, wasn’t it? And we get a second chance at happily ever after. Honestly, I’m finding very little downsides to this whole venture. I even got to call in sick from work!”
Wakatoshi chuckles. Tooru wishes he could bottle the sound to listen to whenever he wanted. But since he can't, he resolves to make it so Wakatoshi has ample reason to laugh from now on.
“Seeing you,” Wakatoshi whispers against Tooru’s lips before kissing him, “with Frost. It was so attractive. You’re going to be such a good father, Tooru.”
“You weren’t so bad yourself,” Tooru says. “The way you wanted him to like you, the care you took to make sure he was comfortable. But can we talk about that horrible name?”
Wakatoshi frowns. “It’s not so bad,” he tries to justify but his voice tapers off. “I mean. It could be worse, I’m sure.”
“Exactly,” Tooru says. “There’s nothing good about it. It’s like that winter character, Jack Frost. Maybe that’s what we’ll call him!”
“But Jack isn’t his name,” Wakatoshi points out.
Tooru rolls his eyes. “Frost isn’t either, you know. Faery names are hidden. It’s just a nickname.”
Wakatoshi doesn’t look convinced, but Tooru doesn’t care. He kisses Wakatoshi again. “I’m cold,” he complains. “Warm me up, please.”
And, as always, Wakatoshi obliges.
Five Years Later
“Tooru! Toshi!”
“Little Jack Frost!”
The five year old boy leaps into Tooru’s arms. His pale blond hair is long and braided away from his icy blue eyes. He’s all sharp joints and features, a little too perfect to be fully human. “That’s not my name,” he giggles, giving Tooru a kiss on the cheek. “It’s so hot here! You’re going to come home with me this year, aren’t you?”
“We plan on taking you back home after the holiday,” Wakatoshi says, opening his arms for his greeting. The boy obliges, hugging him tightly.
Every year since their quest to take the prince home, Tooru and Wakatoshi have visited Faery. And every year they make it a point to see him whenever they can. Truthfully, the queen looks relieved every time they show up, although she won’t admit it to them. When they’d asked if he could spend the summer with them at Tooru’s summer retreat the first year after their journey, she’d been more than eager to say yes. He’s been coming with them ever since.
“But that’s not very long,” Frost pouts. “There’s a new garden I wanted to show you.”
Tooru laughs. “I’m sure there’ll be plenty of time to see it. Now, come on, let’s get you all squared away in your room…”
Frost gasps, interrupting Tooru. He grabs his hand, the peers over at Wakatoshi to see his as well. “You have rings! I've been learning about this human tradition! Did you get married?”
Tooru grins. “Yes, a few months ago.”
“No fair! We need to celebrate here!” Frost cranes his neck as if he can see into the house from where they’re standing. “Is Nettlegreen here? I’m going to talk to her now! We’re going to get a big party ready and invite everyone we know!”
Tooru and Wakatoshi watch as Frost races into the summer house. “He was the best thing that ever happened to us,” Wakatoshi says. “He doesn’t even understand how integral of a part he is in bringing us back together. I love seeing him so happy.”
“Oh, just wait until he hears about the little girl we’re adopting,” Tooru says. “There’ll probably be a holiday in her name.”
“Come on, slowpokes!” Frost calls back to them from the house, and Tooru and Wakatoshi share a grin.
“We wouldn’t want to keep His Majesty waiting,” Tooru says.
“You know,” Wakatoshi says thoughtfully, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was growing up to be just like you.”
“Hey!” Tooru yells as Wakatoshi takes off at a jog with a grin. He chases after him, jumping onto his back when he catches up. After all these years of being together, Wakatoshi expects it and catches his legs in a piggy back. “There’s nothing wrong with that!”
“No,” Wakatoshi says, carrying Tooru into the house. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.”