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At the last minute, James thought to grab his wand as he went to check the door. It was the only thing that saved his life. He didn't have time to speak when he saw the flash of light, just a wordless instinct for self preservation. His body hit the wall with a loud crack that was maybe the wood, maybe his bones, James didn't know. It was the last thing he remembered.
Besides a scream.
Then, he heard a voice. It sounded distraught as it came into focus. James could feel the warmth of another body against his, initially and maybe naively hoping it was Lily. But whoever it was was crying, sobbing really.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." It was a woman's voice, and sounded familiar at that. Not a voice he'd heard in a long time.
"I tried to warn them, I tried to get here in time.. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Lily...I couldn't...I couldn't save Lily. She's.... I'm sorry."
James tried to move, to react. He needed to go to Lily, to find her. But he couldn't so much as open his eyes; he couldn't move a pinky. It was like he was frozen here, in the dark. Alone.
A weight fell onto his chest, he could feel that much - a head, maybe? The person was shaking as she cried, barely getting words out.
"Please wake up, please. I can feel your heartbeat. Please, Potter... Harry is alive, he needs you. Please open your eyes...I can't lose you both."
"Severus." The pressure lifted off his chest, a head lifted to look at whoever had spoken.
Severus? Severus Snape? There was no way. She'd not cast one tear over him. Was this actually a dream?
"Dumbledore..."
"You can't be here, Severus. As much as it hurts, there's more to lose if they discover your true loyalties-"
"My loyalties are here! Dead and dying!" The woman snapped, voice broken and cracked with sorrow. "What good is it that I live if I'm dooming them to die?!" Her fingers tightened in on James sweater, not about the let go.
"By staying here, you're putting James and Harry at more risk. I'll take care of them, I promise you that."
After that, the world around James became a jumble of sounds, noises, yelling, silence, shuffling, and the smell of pungent medicine. He could hear the murmuring of healers around him, in and out of consciousness. It wasn't really sleep, it didn't feel like it, it felt like gaps in his memory. People would be mid sentence around him, then vanish.
"If you can hear me, Mister Potter, I am very sorry for the choices I've had to make. I can only hope you wake soon, for your sake. And theirs." The regretful but steadfast voice was unmistakably Dumbledore once more. James wanted to sit up, to tell him that he was awake. But, still, he couldn't move.
The only thing that felt similar was sleep paralysis. He'd had it a few times as a boy and teen, but not in years. This unending nothingness was something else entirely worse.
Time passed, he thought, though it was hard to gauge from inside the recesses of his own mind.
"Potter? It's me." There was a quiet pause. "Snape. Severus... Snivellus."
Her tone was tired, that was the only thing James could think. She sounded exhausted. There was no expression he could think to match it to, he'd never heard her like this before.
"No one knows I'm here, I suppose no one really knows you're here, after the strings Dumbledore pulled... but... Sirius Black is being blamed for Pettigrew's betrayal, for his murders. He's been taken in for trial, but there's too much evidence against him... He's going to go to Azkaban, Potter."
James felt sickness coil through him, but there was nothing he could do, which just made it profoundly worse. But, why was she telling him this? To rub it in? Wasn't it bad enough that Lily was dead, but she had to get this victory too?
"I wanted to testify, that I knew who your secret keeper was. That I knew it was Pettigrew, because I was a Death Eater, because I saw him, I heard him. Dumbledore doesn't believe it wise. He's probably right - it's more likely to end in them sending both of us off to the dementors..." She let out a shaky sigh beside him.
"I need you to wake up. Please."
She was the one from that night, wasn't she? James thought to himself, stunned.
He wanted to wake up. He truly did. Reality was finding itself odder than any dream he'd had, and more unpleasant than any nightmare.
"They're awful, Potter." Snape was back at his bedside. She was here more regularly than anyone else besides the healers that came in and out, checking to make sure he was still breathing. There was nothing much more they could do.
"Vernon and Petunia. Absolutely atrocious muggles." Snape complained, and James found himself agreeing with her fully this time. He'd always hated his sister in law, and honestly had the feeling Lily wasn't particularly fond of her either.
"I don't know why Dumbledore thought it was a good idea to entrust Harry to them." Snape spit with so much venom, James wanted to laugh. It was a hopeless sort of humor, unable to do anything else besides find sick amusement in his situation.
"I would have taken him in, for Lily. Though, I can't imagine how angry you'd be upon waking up and finding your son calling me, of all people, mum."
James thought that would be fine, as long as he did actually wake up. He thought maybe his small toe twitched a bit the other day.
She wasn't the only visitor, but just nearly. One other person came in on the very rare occasion. Remus, a voice James initially was happy to hear, but now it was just painful.
"He's in prison, you know." Remus said quietly, voice rough like it had just been a full moon recently. "Sirius is. I don't know how to feel. If he actually betrayed you, James... Merlin, I just don't know what to do. I don't want to see you like this. The waiting to hear if you're dead or awake, and either one is a new wound I don't know how to heal from. I'm alone and I can't do anything to help anyone."
The worst of it was that Remus was alone, even alive, James couldn't truly be there for him. He couldn't try to reassure him. After so many years, after becoming an Animagus, after making the Marauders map - this was the first time James felt like he truly couldn't help his friends.
It killed him.
But not as much as he hoped Sirius truly had killed Peter.
A finger moved, just barely.
"I loved you, you know." Severus hadn't spoken for many minutes, though James had learned to tell it was her just by the pattern of her footsteps. "Merlin knows why, you were awful to me. Maybe I was just as bad. But I loved you. Your hair was messy, which I'm sure you think is very endearing, you're a frankly terrible singer, and a bit gangly."
James wouldn't have known what to say even if he could speak.
"But," She started, almost wistfully. "Never the less, my patronus remains a doe..."
She didn't say anything after that, but she was crying. She did that a lot.
"Your son is quite bright, from what I've seen." Severus told him, and he could feel her rearranging his blankets, tucking his feet back in under them. He couldn't move much, but what he had begun to move was incredibly inconvenient. His toes had been cold for what felt like hours.
"I'm not supposed to be watching him the way I am, but there's no way I'm entrusting his entire care to Petunia. Dreadful girl, even when we were children... But Harry, Harry is clever for his age...kind. He gets that from Lily, of course. Neither of us ever deserved her, not truly."
James could feel a tickle of hair on his cheek as she leaned over to fluff his pillow.
"He just turned 4, James. I...I know you'll wake up one day, but I wish it was soon. He needs you."
The days no one was with him, James spent trying to move. As hopeless as he felt, he still wasn't one to fully give up. He was a Gryffindor, after all. And, he'd already lost too much. Lily, his parents, his friends, his freedom. He needed to do something with his time.
He practiced tensing muscles in his toes, fingers, feet and hands. James knew he was improving, whatever barrier in his body that was keeping him down was getting chipped away. It just took a very long time. A man with a pocket knife, up against a mountain.
"Happy 26th birthday, Prongs." Remus had muttered on one of his rare visits, smelling of alcohol. He'd not stayed long.
"Happy birthday." Severus had placed a very chaste kiss on his forehead, before pulling away. "You'd have tossed me in the lake for that ten years ago... Well, I suppose you'd do the same now if you knew."
No, James thought to himself, he didn't think he would.
She'd already left by the time he'd managed to move his arm. He'd tried to grab for her robes, but he moved too uneasy, too slowly to manage.
But he had moved his entire arm.
Speaking was another issue entirely. Eventually, he'd managed to move some of the muscles in his neck and face, including his lips. While the healers were away, James would practice opening and closing his mouth - furrowing his brows, moving his jaw. It was miniscule movements at first, but he was getting stronger.
The first noises out of him were wheezes, soft whistling sounds, followed by lower groans. Words took everything out of him, it was harder to get his body to cooperate and speak than it was to move his legs now.
"A...ry" It wasn't much of a first word, but James thought it fitting that his first word should be his son's name.
"Harry is a wizard, no doubt." Severus said, sitting on the bed beside him. "I've seen the evidence of his magic myself, just as I first saw it in Lily... His magic is strong for his age. He's going to do amazing things once he reaches Hogwarts."
She brushed his hair, though she'd not been particularly good at it in all these years, a bit too rough - though James certainly didn't blame her for that. His hair was unruly to say it lightly, and probably worse now that it was only getting irregular trims in his hospital bed.
"I teach there, you know. Potions. I'll keep him safe, as long as I live. I promise you that, James... Now, how do your blankets keep getting so disrupted... I'll have a word with the healers."
He wasn't sure why he kept it from the healers, but they'd clearly not noticed or caught on to the fact he wasn't in a coma. He wasn't in some sort of curse produced deep slumber. Not the slumber part, anyway. Curse related was still highly likely.
So, James kept his progress to himself. He'd gotten through the entire alphabet now, and managed to croak out his own name, Harry's name, Lily too. Severus Snape had been a difficult one, it truly was an annoying assortment of consonants. Why hadn't the woman been named something easier, like Selene?
He'd still felt proud of himself when he'd gotten out, 'Snivellus' accurately, not that he'd say it to her anymore. Maybe it was a bit of a swan song for the not so affectionate nickname, he didn't want to say it again.
James was fairly certain he could open his eyes, he'd just not tried yet. He'd practiced making facial expressions to some degree, but his eyes felt ... They felt more final. He'd finally have to look at the world around him, how it had changed in all these years. He'd have to see himself, much older than he'd last seen his own face.
But he had to. He wanted to see his son, his friends, the people who still remained.
He wanted to see...
Severus brushed hair off of his forehead gently.
"Harry's going to be coming to Hogwarts soon. I've seen him with Hagrid. He seems enthusiastic, happy to get away from the Dursleys... He's going to do so well, but...something is wrong, James. I don't think the Dark Lord is truly gone yet. I'm scared. I don't want to get pulled away from you again. I lost Lily, I nearly lost you...I..."
He felt a drip on his cheek, and then a press of a kiss on his lips.
His eyes flickered open, feeling like they were lead weights on his face. Scratchy, strange - but open. The world around his was stunningly bright after being in darkness for so long.
Her eyes were closed as she pulled back, brows furrowed. She looked older, but not so different. Maybe not beautiful, she never was, but in that moment James thought she was perfect.
"Hi." He whispered and watched her eyes snap open. Black, her eyes were so very black. Sad, scared, tired, like fresh ink writing a painful song.
Severus pushed back, mouth open slightly, not knowing what to say. She was looking him over, maybe not knowing if he was truly real or not.
"Potter..." She said it as though it was ripped out of her.
"You.... haven't called me.... that... in years." Speaking was slow going, his voice barely sounded like his own anymore. Deeper, rougher.
Her eyes were watering, but she was clearly confused, not sure what to do. James took some pleasure in having shocked her quiet.
"I heard you." He lifted his hand up as best as he could, but he could see how it shook still now. His arms and hands looked thin, the muscle mass having faded.
Still, he touched her cheek. He touched her.
If it hadn't been for her here, he didn't know what he would have done. All this time, she came back to him. Every few days, just to be with him, to talk to him. He'd thought he hated her in school, thought she hated him. But it was Severus who had been here while he mourned his life, mourned losing Lily, unable to do anything. She'd been here for him, mourned with him, even if she didn't know it.
He'd not really thought about it in so many words until now.
"All this time?" Severus asked tentatively.
He loved her.
"Always."