Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Kaoru!”

Kojiro couldn't focus, how could he when he just witnessed his whole world shatter in front of him. Everything around him was moving too fast, reality no longer made sense.

All he could hear was the heavy beating of his heart. His vision was blurred from the unshed tears pooling in his eyes. He couldn’t fucking breathe. The world around him was fuzzy, his mind was cloudy. None of that mattered.

All Kojiro had to do was keep running, he couldn’t stop. He had to get to him. That's the only thing that mattered to him at this moment. He needed to see Kaoru.

There was a crowd forming around Cherry’s sprawled out body on the floor, but Joe harshly pushed everyone out of the way, fighting to reach the center. He was vaguely aware people were yelling at him, but it all turned to background noise, drowned out by his thoughts.

The reality of the situation was slowly sinking in when Kojiro finally saw the state Kaoru was in. It took all his willpower to keep his tears from spilling over. Kojiro’s breath hitched in his throat. For a second, he felt glued to the ground, unable to move, forced to take in all the damage Adam inflicted onto Cherry. Cherry’s mask was torn to shreds and his outfit wasn't much better. There were dark bruises visibly forming on his arms and legs, multiple gashes spread across his body, but worst of all was all the blood. There was a pool of blood steadily growing by Kaoru’s head.

Kojiro practically threw himself to Kaoru’s side, “Hey, come on Kaoru, get up. Come on, you have to stay awake.”

Nothing, no response.

Kojiro was desperate, “Yell at me for not calling you Cherry Blossom. Kaoru… please stay.” he pleaded, his voice cracking.

“I thought that would be more fun. That race against Cherry turned out to be a real bomb.” Adam taunted, trying to get a rise out of Joe.

Joe knew he was being baited. He knew Adam thrived off inflicting pain on others and loved it, even more, when they showed how much it affected them. Joe knew this, so he was trying his best to ignore him. Adam wasn't worth it, Kaoru was more important.

Rationally, Joe knew he needed to do something fast, but his mind went blank. All he could do was stare down at Kaoru. He didn't know what to do. Kaoru was lying, bleeding on the floor and all he could do was stare.

Adam stepped closer, visibly irritated at Joe’s refusal to acknowledge him, “Why waste your time on someone as boring and useless as him?”

That was the final straw for Kojiro. His entire body started uncontrollably shaking. His blood was boiling. Red took over his vision. Kojiro was done.

Kojiro remembered everything Adam has done to Cherry over the years. He saw the bruise littered all over Kaoru's pale skin. Kaoru zoning out more often, a vacant look overtaking his eyes. The way Kaoru still slightly flinches whenever someone touches him from behind. And now Adam lifting his skateboard and slamming it into Kaoru. The scene replayed in his head over and over, never getting any less painful.

History was repeating itself. Adam stringing Kaoru along until he eventually got bored, hurting Kaoru in the process, while Kojiro was forced to watch, unable to do something to help his best friend.

Joe was past angry, he was livid. He was going to kill Adam, “You son of a bitch! I swear…”

“Joe, don't!” Shadow interrupted. He was in that stupid-looking pink car. Joe never realized how similar the color was to Kaoru’s soft, pink hair. “He's not worth it, we need to get Cherry to a hospital as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, okay.” Joe sighed, knowing Shadow was right.

As Kojiro began to get up a thought crossed his mind.

Carla

“Carla. Where's Carla?” Joe frantically searched. He felt himself get whiplash from how quickly turned his head in search of Cherry’s lost board. “We can't leave without her! Kaoru, he would… he wouldn’t forgive us if we left her behind.”

Kojiro didn't know why he was so distressed over losing some stupid AI skateboard, hell he didn’t even like the damn thing. Still, the thought of leaving her behind stirred something deep within Kojiro. Kaoru would want us to bring her, he loved that damn robot.

Miya came rushing over to the two skaters, with Carla gently tucked under his arm, “I got her. We need to go.” the little boy begged as he lightly tugged on Joe’s jacket.

“I'm coming.” Joe conceded, guilt washing over him. He saw the way Miya was subtly shaking with tears trickling down his red cheeks.

Kojiro carefully picked up Kaoru, not wanting to cause more damage to the already broken body. He raced to the car gently placing Kaoru in the backseat, laying Kaoru’s head in his lap. Shadow and Langa were in the front seats. Langa was worriedly looking back at Cherry, while Shadow kept his eyes fixed on Joe through his back view mirror.

Miya had climbed into Langa’s lap, curling himself into a small ball around Carla, trying to muffle the whimpers escaping his lips. Langa turned back around, his usual neutral expression was contorted with fear as a single tear rolled down his face when he started to play with Miya’s hair.

Shadow looked back in concern, but Kojiro didn't care at the moment. Shadow was supposed to take them to the fucking hospital. Why wasn't he driving?

“Drive damnit, just drive,” Kojiro screamed, losing his last bit of patience.

The car immediately sped off. The hospital was a half-hour away, but if they kept driving at this pace, they should reach it in twenty minutes tops.

Everything felt wrong. The atmosphere of the car ride was tense. There were none of the usual bickerings between anyone. Reki wasn't there to ramble on about whatever topic he was interested in at the moment. Even the radio, which the kids constantly fought over, was turned off. The only noise that could be heard was Miya’s quiet sniffling along with Kaoru’s chattering teeth.

Kojiro quickly flung off his jacket to wrap it around Kaoru’s shivering form.

The ride continued on in silence, everyone still wrapped up in their own thoughts.

“Is he awake?” Shadow asked, breaking the long silence.

Kojiro was combing his fingers through the long, cherry pink hair, remembering how it always calmed Kaoru down whenever he was having an anxiety attack, “Barely.”

Kojiro was looking down. Kaoru’s eyes were glazed over, not acknowledging the world around him. Now that he was closer, he could see the true extent of all the injuries. More bruises appeared on Kaoru’s skin, the most prominent being the one on his face. The shallower cuts had stopped bleeding, but the longer, deeper wounds, caused by Adam’s board showed no signs of slowing down. Kojiro could even see the faint scar on Cherry’s bottom lip.

He remembered how easy Kaoru made it look as he pierced the needle right through his skin. Kaoru loved his lip ring until Adam had ripped it straight out of his lip, taking a piece of skin with it. Kaoru had always been self-conscious about his appearance, Adam made sure of that, and the scar he left just added fuel to the fire. That was the real reason his Cherry Blossom persona started to wear a mask.

Kojiro unconsciously started to rub his thumb over the scarred flesh.

“Koji… Kojiro” a weak voice slowly stuttered out.

Kojiro couldn't stop the smile from spreading on his face, “Hey, Sleeping Beauty. You gave us a good scare earlier.” he teased.

“It hurts. I can’t… It hurts.” Kaoru was stumbling over his words.

“I know. I know.” Kojiro hushed as his thumb wiped away the tears escaping from Kaoru's eyes. “We're heading to the hospital right now.”

Kaoru was panicking. He was breathing too fast, nothing he said was coherent enough to piece together. “Kojiro, Adam, he… I'm sorry. I wanted… you need to know…”

He intertwined his finger with Kaoru’s, and gave it a soft squeeze, reassuring the other that everything will be okay, “Hey, hey calm down, princess, I’ve got everything under control.” Kojiro smirked, presenting a false confidence.

Kaoru lowly chuckled, “I'm doomed.” he responded.

Kojiro looked outside the window to confirm their location, the car was only five minutes from the hospital, “I need you to stay awake.” he encouraged. They were so close. “Just a few more minutes, can you do that for me?”

Kaoru looked like he wanted to respond, but he was nodding off as his eyes were fluttering shut.

“Kaoru… Kaoru!”

The panic in his chest started to rise again. No, no no no…

Kaoru’s eyes were completely shut now. He wasn't responding or waking up.

Reality seemed to move in slow motion. The car, Kaoru’s breathing…nothing was moving fast enough for Joe, everything was too slow. The moment felt like deja vu, he couldn't hear, he couldn't see, he couldn't breathe. The world around him was becoming blurry again, while his mind became fuzzy.

Kojiro leaned down, so no one would hear his plea, “Please, stay with me, don't leave.” he whispered into the other’s ear, praying that they would make it in time.

Only then did Kojio let the unshed tears, pooling in his eye, finally fall. He couldn’t keep the facade up anymore. He was scared. His heart hurt. A broken sob ripped through him as he pulled the small figure closer into him.

He absentmindedly started to hum that annoyingly catchy lullaby Kaoru programmed Carla to sing to him every night. It always soothed Kaoru down whenever he woke up from a nightmare or needed calming music to keep himself from going into a panic.

Maybe Kojiro was delirious from the stressfulness of the situation and he may have just imagined it, but he could have sworn he felt some of the tension release from Kaoru’s shoulders.

The last minutes of the car ride were driven in silence, minus Kojiro’s hushed humming, he refused to stop. Call him crazy, but Kojiro knows that Kaoru can hear him. He wanted Kaoru to know that he was by his side.

The two had made a promise, back in middle school, that they would always be there for each other, never leaving each other’s side no matter what. That promise has been tested numerous times throughout the course of their friendship. Petty fights, Kojiro's years in Italy, Kaoru’s parents, Adam, none of it could keep the two from each other. After all they've been through, Kojiro has no plans of breaking his promise now.

The car came to a screeching halt, right in front of the emergency room entrance.

“We’re here,” Shadow announced.

Joe looked up, letting out a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding.

They’re here, they made it to the hospital. The doctors can help Kaoru. Everything will be fine now. Kojiro replayed the words in his head like a mantra. It helped ease his mind and keep him from breaking down.

Langa immediately jumped out of the car and went to open Joe’s door, “I'll help.” he said as he reached out to take Cherry’s unconscious body.

A protective instinct swept over Kojiro as Langa went to grab Kaoru out of his arms. It's not that he didn't trust the kid, it's just that the situation was clearly affecting Langa. It would be hard for Langa to carry Cherry on any regular day, Joe rationalized. Still, a part of him knew the only reason he refused Langa’s help was because he couldn't stand the thought of not being the one to hold Kaoru, not be able to feel the subtle rise and fall of Kaoru's chest.

Kojiro tightened his grip, “No, I got him.” he assured, pulling Kaoru closer into his chest.

As he exited the car, Kojiro could see out of the corner of his eye Miya, still firmly holding onto Carla. He was awkwardly standing to the side, seemingly unsure of what he was supposed to do. The small boy had finally stopped crying, but it was obvious to the group how terrified he still was.

Shadow approached Miya and ushered him to the back of the small car. His tears resurfaced as he shakily placed Carla into the trunk.

Kojiro couldn’t wait any longer, he dashed into the building in search of someone, anyone who could help. He instantly gained the attention of two nurses who came racing towards the two men. The nurses immediately bombarded Kojiro with questions, as they led him to an empty bed.

“I need help. He was in an accident. He needs a doctor.” Kojiro quickly explained to the concerned nurses.

The moment Kaoru was taken from Kojiro’s hold, his mind shut down.

He could no longer feel Kaoru. He wasn't able to see him. Kaoru was gone and Kojiro didn't know if he was going to be okay. The world around him ceased to exist.

Sir, you can't go any further.

He’s going to need surgery.

We need to ask you a couple of questions.

The words were going in one ear and out the other. Nothing was real, he felt numb.

He could barely recite the fake story he and Kaoru had made up years ago, in the emergency case one of them ended up badly injured at S and landed themself in the hospital.

Kojiro felt a strong hand grasp his shoulder from behind; it was probably Shadow, his mind supplied. Kojiro felt himself being assisted to one of the empty seats in the waiting room. Langa was sitting across from Joe, while Shadow sat to his right with Miya leaning on his side.

The chaos was over. They were no longer at S, they were no longer in the car racing to the hospital, they had made it. They have done everything they could have done. All they can do now is wait and pray.

Kojiro did not consider himself much of a religious person, but in this moment he prayed that any god out there would hear him and protect Kaoru.

Time moves differently in the waiting room. Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, yet the constant ticking of the clock moved a mile a minute. The only occupants of the room were the four skaters, the silence was deafening. The air was thick and suffocating, it was hard to breathe properly.

The floor suddenly became very interesting to Kojiro. It was nothing special, just the normal off-white square tiles lined up in rows. Someone must have mopped recently since he could make out faint streaks lines on the tiles.

“Joe,” Miya asked, getting Kojiro out of his trance. “Is Cherry going to be okay?”

Nothing was okay. Adam hurt Kaoru, again. Kojiro was helpless to stop him, again.

Kojiro was tired of pretending Kaoru is okay because he's clearly not. He was tired of pretending that he was fine when he's obviously not. Kojiro was just tired, “I really don't know.” he answered, not even looking up from the floor.

“Hey, Joe, not in front of the kid.” Shadow scolded, elbowing Joe’s side. Shadow redirected his attention to Miya, “Cherry’s a stubborn ass, he's not going to let something like this keep him down.”

Miya pressed himself closer into Shadow’s side, as Shadow tenderly ruffled the younger boy’s hair. The kid looked exhausted, but what could Kojiro expect? It was already a quarter past two, way past Miya’s bedtime.

“I'm sorry,” Langa spoke, barely above a whisper.

Kojiro instantly tore his gaze away from the floor, “What are you apologizing for?” he asked, genuinely confused about why Langa felt the need to apologize.

The teens' eyes looked lifeless, missing their usual spark. He looked so much like Kaoru, whenever he was having a bad day or got caught in an unwanted memory. Seeing Langa in this state was a stab to Kojiro’s heart.

“Adam… he said that Cherry was boring, that's why he did it. He wanted to go against me. It was my fault…” Langa stammered.

“Langa. None of this is your fault.” Kojiro assured. “We have our own history with Adam… especially Kaoru.”

“You two helped found S alongside Adam?” Miya commented, as a way to ask the unspoken question lingering in the air.

The three turned their full attention to Kojiro. Kojiro knew that the others would eventually ask questions about Adam and S, it wasn't exactly a secret that he and Cherry had founded S alongside Adam. Still, he didn't expect it to come so soon and thought Kaoru would be with him.

“Yeah. For a time we considered him our friend.” Kojiro revealed, the disdain clear in his voice.

He remembered back to a time when they were all so carefree. The night was young and life was a festival. The three of them skating around town, outmaneuvering cops and challenging fellow skaters to beefs. They didn't have a care in the world, it was fun.

However, things changed, Adam changed. He was not the same Adam they had met that night under the bridge, who called them friends and claimed to trust them as he took off his hood to reveal his face.

He turned colder, angrier, more closed off, and became reckless with how he skated, not caring who he hurt in the process. Kojiro had gotten fed up with Adam and his antics, and called him out on all his shit. Most nights would end with a fight or screaming match, which led to Kaoru having an increasing amount of anxiety attacks and depressive episodes.

Nothing was the same. Kojiro could hardly stand being in the same room as Adam and Kaoru looked more miserable as the day went on. On the off occasion the three did end up skating together, everything felt off. It was no longer fun, the mood felt sour. As harsh as it sounds, the best thing Adam ever did was leave for America. Kojiro knows how much it hurt Kaoru, but in the end, he needed to get away from Adam.

“But he changed, or finally showed his true colors. Either or I don't really know, nor do I care. I hate the creep and want nothing to do with him anymore. If I ever see him again… Let's just say you guys better find a good place to hide the body.” A dark look overtook Joe’s usual carefree expression.

All of them knew Joe was dead serious about his statement. The intensity sent a chill running down each of their spines, but they were all in agreement. Adam had hurt Cherry, he needed to pay.

Three o’clock rolled around faster than Kojiro expected, yet there was still no word on Kaoru’s condition.

Kojiro was becoming more impatient as the seconds ticked by. Were the injuries worse than he previously thought? Is that why it was taking so long? His mind was going a mile a minute, the swirling thoughts only caused him to panic more.

He just wanted to know something, anything relating to how Kaoru was doing, to ease his worries.

Kojiro needed to find some way to distract himself, otherwise, he was going to go crazy.

Kojiro wondered how the situation looked from an outside perspective, it was probably hilarious. Imagine some 6”2 muscular guy running into the emergency room, without a shirt, carrying a man dressed like he was attending a cosplay convention followed by a grown man painted in clown makeup, a boy dressed like a cat, and a teenager.

Kojiro couldn't keep the small smile from spreading to his face. This was good. He just needed to keep his mind occupied for a little while longer.

He looked around the room in search of anything that could get his mind off of Kaoru, his eyes landing on Langa.

The teen was zoned out, again. The look was all too familiar for Kojiro; dull eyes, emotionless face, losing all connection to the real world. It scared Kojiro how much Langa looked like Kaoru.

Kojiro steadily got up from his chair and sat beside Langa.

Kojiro recalled his worst experience when Kaoru zoned out to the point where his body just shut down. A week after Adam’s departure for America, Kaoru had finally responded to his text and asked if he could come over. Kojiro was ecstatic that Kaoru was speaking to him again after a week of radio silence and obviously agreed to the meet-up.

Adam’s leaving had hit Kaoru hard and was affecting him more than he cared to admit, but when Kojiro climbed through the window and saw the state Kaoru was in, his heart broke in half. They didn't talk much, just a few words here and there, but the two sat in almost complete silence. Kojiro hadn't even noticed Kaoru had zoned out until he eventually turned to look at him.

Kojiro had been witness to this on a couple of other occasions and made sure to do thorough research on exactly what Kaoru was experiencing and how to properly help. He started to go through the basic motions to reel Kaoru back, but this time was different.

Kaoru's whole expression looked dead, it honestly sent a chill of fear down Kojiro's spine. He was shaking violently, and for the first time in years, Kojiro saw Kaoru start to cry. At this point, Kojiro was starting to panic.

Kaoru was unresponsive and Kojiro was scared he was going to have to drive them to the hospital if this kept up. It took a lot longer but Kojiro was finally able to coax Kaoru into coming back to reality.

Kojiro wanted to ask about what had just happened, but Kaoru’s face screamed ‘I don't want to talk about it’. He let the subject drop and slept over for the night.

He hasn’t had to do this in a while, but there are some things you never truly forget how to do.

“Langa… Langa. You with me kid?” Joe coaxed.

A hint of recognition passed the boy’s eyes. That’s a good sign, the boy’s not too far gone.

“That’s it, buddy. Can you hear me?”

Langa gave Kojiro a slow nod.

“Good, good. You think you can say something for me?”

It took a minute, but Langa was able to open his mouth, “Yeah.” he croaked, eyes downcast.

“You should call Reki,” Kojiro advised, placing a strong arm around Langa.

Reki and Langa’s relationship reminded Kojiro so much of his friendship with Kaoru. Two opposites with an instant connection, both finding their passion for skating. Even this fight was similar to the biggest argument Kojiro and Kaoru ever had. Kojiro didn't want these two to lose something so obviously important to them, especially over Adam.

Langa frowned, “He’s mad at me. I don't know if I should.”

“You care about Reki, yes?” Kojiro asked, looking Langa directly in the eye. He received another nod. “In your heart, you know what matters more. Don’t let a stupid fight about Adam get in the way of your friendship.”

Don't make the same mistakes as I did when I was your age.

A distraught look passed through Langa’s eyes, at the mention of Adam, but quickly disappeared. Kojiro thought he must have imagined it because Langa was now smiling to himself, seemingly lost in a memory.

Langa graciously smiled, “Your right, Reki’s more important to me than a stupid race against Adam.” A small spark resurfaced in the boy’s eyes. “Thank you, Joe.”

“No problem, kid.”

Langa pulled out his phone and swiftly got up from his chair. He sprinted out the automatic doors to find a more secluded area, already scrolling through his contacts to call Reki.

Kojiro leaned back in his chair, turning his attention over to a passed-out Miya curled up in Shadow’s lap. The image would be cuter if Shadow wasn’t staring directly at him with a shit-eating grin, giving him a knowing look.

Joe lowered his eyebrow, “What’s with that look?”

“I know it's none of my business but when Cherry pulls through you should really tell him.” Shadow shrugged.

Joe’s eyes widened in an instant. Did Shadow know? No, he couldn't, right?

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Joe defensively countered.

Shadow was still running his fingers through Miya’s hair. For as much as he complains about the kids, he's really embraced an older brother role in the kids' lives.

“I see the way you look at him. Even though you two are constantly bickering, there’s no real heat behind it. And the way you looked when Adam hit Cherry, it looked like your whole world had shattered.”

Was he really that obvious?

A heavy silence fell over the room as Joe thought over Shadow’s words. It's not like anything Shadow had said was false.

People at S think that Joe and Cherry Blossom couldn't be in a 50-mile vicinity without a fight breaking out, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Sure, he and Kaoru were always arguing, but it was always over the most juvenile things. After being friends for so long it was honestly just how the two communicated at this point.

Still, the moment the board made contact with Kaoru, Kojiro felt his entire world stop in an instant. They’ve been best friends since kindergarten. Through thick and thin, Kojiro and Kaoru had always stuck together.

Kojiro couldn’t even deny it, Shadow figured him out. He was so deeply in love with Kaoru it almost hurt.

“If it’s any constellation, he feels the same way,” Shadow added quickly.

Kojiro rolled his eyes, “How would you know?” he angrily scoffed.

“He looks at you the exact same way.”

Kojiro didn’t know what to say to that, so he settled for silence as his response.

After Langa’s call, Reki soon arrived at the hospital. Kojiro was honestly impressed with how fast Reki got to the hospital but remembered how quickly would skate over to Kaoru’s house the moment he asked if he could come over. When Reki saw Langa, he instantly jumped into the other boy's arms, knocking both of them to the ground in the process. The two stayed on the floor, bodies intertwined, laughing with each other.

Joe let the two have some privacy, they had an intense conversation ahead of them.

The clock was ticking by and the sun was starting to rise. The kids needed to return home soon before their parents noticed their absence, so Shadow offered to drive them, leaving Joe alone in the waiting room.

Shortly after the other left, one of the nurses that took Kaoru approached Kojiro. She was smiling, so that had to be a good sign.

It's been hours since he last saw Kaoru. The buzzing feeling hasn't left his chest since they reached the hospital. He needed to know that his best friend was okay.

“How is he?” Kojiro held his breath.

“Mr. Sakurayashiki is in stable condition, but I cannot disclose any more information unless they are family.”

“I'm his boyfriend.” Kojiro immediately said, without thinking. He let out an unsteady breath. “Can I see just him, please?” He must have looked desperate because the nurse gave him a sympathetic look.

“Right this way.” she motioned.

The walk to the room felt like an eternity. As they got closer to the room the air became thinner, Kojiro was struggling to breathe.

He's fine. He's fine. The words rang through Kojiro’s head in an attempt to calm his nerves.

When they finally reached the room, Kojiro was stuck in place. He wanted to move, but his fear kept him in place.

The nurse opened the door to reveal a small white room. There was a bed in the corner of the room, with an unconscious Kaoru occupying the bed.

It took all his willpower at that moment to not break down crying. Kojiro kept his composure and steadied his breathing. He had to keep himself together, for Kaoru.

The nurse gave Kojiro a consoling look, “I'll give you two some space.” she said as she exited the room.

The room was quiet, too quiet, it was almost suffocating.

“Kaoru…”

He slowly walked to his best friend’s side. Kaoru’s skin was paler than normal, he was covered in bandages, his right arm was placed in a sling, with wires tangled all around him. Kaoru had never looked so small in his life. Kojiro thought seeing Kaoru would lessen his worry and comfort him, but seeing him like this was worse than not knowing.

Kojiro gingerly clasped his hands around Kaoru’s uninjured hand, “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” he quietly repeated, as he laid his head down beside Kaoru’s chest.

“I should have never let you go up against him. He’s hurt you so much already and you didn't…” he cut himself off, choking on a sob.

“Fuck!” Kojiro yelled, as his grip on Kaoru got tighter.

A single tear turned to two, two turned to three, and soon enough the trickle of tears turned into a stream. The emotions from today were hitting him all at once, and he didn't know how to make it stop, “I don't even know if you can hear me, but I promise that man will never hurt you again.”

Kojiro didn't know how to feel. Relieved? Sad? His mind landed on anger.

“Damnit Kaoru,” Kojiro growled. “You always get so reckless trying to prove yourself to Adam. You have nothing to prove! You’re the farthest thing from boring and the best skater I know. I’d never say this to you when you're awake, cause I don't want to inflame that ego of yours, but you're perfect.” he chuckled to himself, his anger simmering down immensely. Kojiro could already imagine the smug look Kaoru would be giving him if he was awake.

Kojiro looked back up at Kaoru, his expression softened. Even in this state, Kaoru was still the most beautiful person Kojiro had ever laid his eyes on.

“Please, I'm begging you, get better soon.” his voice sounded broken.

He moved a couple of strands of hair to expose the other’s forehead, placing a chaste kiss on Kaoru’s forehead “I love you.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Beep Beep Beep

His head was pounding. The constant beeping felt like a needle being stabbed into his brain.

Kaoru slowly fluttered his eyes open. It was bright, too bright. Everything around him was white.

His mind was in a haze as he glanced around the room. Everything sounded like it was underwater. His vision was fuzzy and his memory was blurry.

It was obvious he was in a hospital, but why? What had happened?

The memories came rushing back. The beef, he was skating against Adam, and Adam had struck him with his ‘love board’. He was then in a car with Kojiro… Kojiro was singing to him. Kaoru said something to him, but he couldn’t remember what.

Kaoru groaned to himself, he wished he could go back to being unconscious.

“Sleeping Beauty finally decided to wake up.” came a voice from the opposite side of the hospital room.

Kojiro.

“Great, the first thing I have to wake up to is a damn gorilla.” Kaoru sighed, making his annoyance with Kojiro known, but Kaoru felt truly relieved his best friend was by his side. Kaoru would never admit that out loud, Kojiro would never let him hear the end of it.

“How are you feeling?” Kojiro questioned.

Kaoru brought his palm to his head while closing his eyes, “Like I had my head bashed by a skateboard going 50mph.”

Kaoru still couldn't believe Adam actually had done it. Logically speaking, he shouldn't be too surprised. This was nothing compared to other things Adam had forced Kaoru to endure. Still, it hurt much more than Kaoru would care to admit.

He wanted to scream at how stupid he had been. What was he thinking? What did he think was going to happen?

Deep down he knew Kaoru knew how important this race was. He wanted to see for himself if Adam was truly gone, that maybe somewhere deep inside was the man he had once fallen in love with. Kaoru was self-aware enough to know that he had also wanted to win to prove to Adam that he wasn’t worthless, but that was a can of worms he didn't want to open.

He sighed, there was nothing he could do now, it was over.

Kojiro moved the chair closer to the bed. He looked sad but gave Kaoru a weak smile, “I'm glad you're okay.”

Returning a small smile, Kaoru breathed, “Me too.”

Kaoru laid back down, closing his eyes in an attempt to get his migraine to subside, but the nagging feeling he had in his chest wouldn't go away. What did he say to Kojiro during the car ride? He was starting to remember why he had a disdain for hospitals.

Everything about hospitals put him on edge. Everything was too clean, too perfect. The worst part was the eerie silence that hospitals created. It was the type of quiet that got your mind to wander into the darkest depth of someone's mind and once Kaoru got there it was hard to reel him back in.

“Kojiro,” Kaoru broke the silence, giving him a serious look. “I don't remember much after we left S, but what I said in the car, could you just forget it?”

Kojiro gave Kaoru that infuriating sympathetic look. It was the same look Kojiro gave him when he found Kaoru curled up in his bed the week after Adam left. Kaoru loathed that look and knew damn well that Kojiro was not going to let this go, not again.

“I don't think I can ignore this.” Kojiro paused like he was deciding how to word what he was about to say next. “You kept apologizing and mentioned Adam. At first, I assumed you were referring to the beef, but you were talking about a time before he left for America, weren't you?”

Kaoru kept his eyes glued to his hands, he didn't want to talk about this. Not here, not not, and especially not with Kojiro.

Kaoru balled his fist, “It doesn't matter. I'm fine.” he spoke through gritted teeth.

“You know, those are the exact words you said to me nine years ago when I originally confronted you about this.”

Kaoru looked up to glare at the man, but it proved hard to do when the worry was so clearly written on Kojiro’s face.

Kojiro sighed as he took a seat on an open spot of the bed, “I'm not going to force you to talk,” Kaoru knew he was telling the truth, in all their years of friendship Kojiro had never once pressured him into doing anything he didn't want to, unlike Adam. “I just want to help. Maybe talking about it will lift some pressure off your chest and make you feel slightly better.”

Kaoru pressed his lips together, “What's there to talk about, you know the nature of mine and Adam’s relationship.”

“All I know is anytime I would ask you about my concerns you would immediately shut me down.”

Kojiro obviously knew the general situation, the bruises left on Kaoru anytime he was alone with Adam were hard to miss, especially with the amount of time Kojiro spent with Kaoru.

“I was too scared to push the issue back then because I thought you would hate me.” Kojiro continued. “Then when Adam left, I foolishly assumed things would get better. But things aren't better, you're still hurt. I just want to help, what did Adam do to hurt you so badly?”

That made Kaoru feel guilty. Kojiro had always offered a helping hand out to Kaoru and only ever wanted for him to be happy. He had offered so many times to help Kaoru out of whatever situation he was stuck in. Yet, Kaoru ignored it all, blinded by false love.

“Stop.” Kaoru forcefully spat. “It's embarrassing enough that you already know what happened.”

He hoped that would make Kojiro drop the subject, but all it did was make him look even more concerned.

“Kaoru…”

“Everything started out nice, we were okay. I was okay. But as time went on he got rougher, more possessive.” Kaoru didn't know why he was telling Kojiro this. His mind told him to stop but his heart was taking the lead. “I knew it was wrong and needed to get out, but we had just got into our huge fight about Adam and the bruises…”

It hurt. It hurt so much.

“I didn't know what to do. I loved him and still wanted to believe he loved me.”

Kaoru remembers being a naive teenager so blinded by love. The sweet touches Adam would give Kaoru along with the hundreds of faltering pet names. He was young, he didn't know that love was not meant to hurt.

“I'm sorry I wasn't there.” Kojiro whispered as he wrapped his arm around Kaoru, letting him rest his head on his shoulder.

Kaoru's shoulders were shaking, his eyes were glassy and his breathing became jagged.

“He beat me to the point where I could barely even walk. He forced himself onto me.” Kaoru blurted.

“The worst was the day he had told us he was leaving for America. I followed after him because I was so angry. It was my fault really, I knew what he was capable of and still got in his face demanding to know why he was leaving me. Why did he put me through so much, just for him to toss me away like a broken toy.”

Kojiro held Kaoru in a death grip. Kaoru knew that he blamed himself. He knew that Kojiro would feel responsible for not pushing the issue and letting it get to the point that it did.

“Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped, I would have…” Kojiro stuttered over his words. This was all too much.

“You would have killed him.”Kaoru interjected. Even though the idea was becoming more and more appealing. “I was afraid to tell you because I know how you are. I could practically hear the news station reporting about a deranged psycho killing the son of one of the wealthiest men in all of Japan.” The thought amused Kaoru, gaining a quick laugh out of him.

Kaoru quickly became sullen once more, “I was also scared you would look at me differently.”

Kaoru hated the way Kojiro looked at him. It looked like his entire world shattered into a million pieces, unable to be fixed.

“Kaoru, I would never judge you, especially about something like this.” The hurt is clear in his voice.

“Rationally, I knew that, I just didn't want to lose the only good thing in my life.”

It was weird, the silence of the hospital became less tense, more comfortable. Maybe Kojiro was right, Kaoru did feel lighter.

“I'm sorry for pushing the topic.” Kojiro spoke up.

Kaoru gave him a small smile, “It's fine, it's kinda nice having someone else know.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Kojiro couldn't believe what he was seeing, the stress of the last twenty-four hours must be causing him to hallucinate. Kaoru has never been the biggest fan of hospitals and did everything in his power to avoid them, but this was pushing it.

Kojiro had been closing up the restaurant when Kaoru all of a sudden came rolling through the front door. He was stunned for a couple of seconds, unable to process what he was seeing. Kaoru was covered head to toe in bandages, sitting in what looked to be a Carla wheelchair, still wearing his hospital clothes.

“What… What are you doing?” Kojiro exclaimed, exacerbated.

Kaoru dismissively waved his uninjured hand, “My injuries aren’t fatal and I hate hospitals.” he answered matter of factly as he wheeled over to the bar.

“So they let you leave?” Kojiro crossed his arms, raising his eyebrow.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, “No, they wouldn't let me.” he fumed. His mood quickly changes as a mischievous smirk graces his lips. “So I just snuck out the window."

Kojiro choked on his water. The man had an IQ of 200, yet lacked all common sense. Why did Kaoru make such a stupid decision?

As much as Kojiro wanted to yell at Kaoru’s recklessness, he couldn't help from being impressed. The fact that Kaoru was able to get out the window even though he needs a wheelchair to move, and did this without alerting any of the staff or causing any more injuries to his body. It was physically impossible, how the hell had Kaoru done that?

Kojiro huffed, “You're impossible.”

“At least I wasn't caught, unlike someone, I know.” Kaoru snorted.

Kojiro felt his cheeks heat up. Kaoru knew how embarrassing the experience was for him, so naturally, he brought it up every chance he got.

He had been trying to sneak out his window to meet up with Kaoru and Adam to go skating. However, his room was on the second floor which made it trickier to land on the ground without making noise or breaking a bone. Needless to say, Kojiro’s mother found him halfway through the window, skateboard in hand, and 10 minutes later gave him the beating of his lifetime. It took a month for him to gain the courage to attempt to sneak out again.

Kojiro pouted, “That was a long time ago.”

“Where’s the wine?” Kaoru quickly changed the subject.

“You know it's considered rude to barge into someone’s apartment and demand food, at least bring something.” Kojiro said, even though he was making his way to his wine cupboard. Should he be nice and pick red wine or piss princess off and get the white?

Kaoru laughed to himself, “Is that one of the rules your fangirls have to follow if they wish to stay the night?”

“At least I'm able to get chicks. I've always wondered how well you and that robot get along.” Kojiro mocked as he poured red wine into his glass.

Before Kojiro could pour Kaoru’s glass, the wine bottle was snatched from his hand, “Her name is Carla, meathead, and unlike your usual one-night stand, she actually has a rational thought process.” Kaoru took a long swing from the bottle.

The night slowly started to spin out of control after that. Kaoru didn't seem like he would be sharing his bottle so Kojiro went to grab a second one. Time passed on, and two bottles shortly became three.

The alcohol was causing Kojiro’s mind to wander. He remembered what Kaoru had confessed to him at the hospital earlier today.

He forced himself onto me.

Kojiro was still speechless. He knew that Adam was a piece of shit, but he never even considered Adam would do something that heinous. Kojiro couldn't believe it. He didn't know what to say or where to even begin to try and help Kaoru with something this serious. All these years, how could he have never pieced it together.

“We should probably stop.” Kojiro warned, eyeing the two empty bottles on the floor.

“It’s not like we work in the morning.” Kaoru slurred, as he went to pour himself more wine, but found the bottle to be empty.

Kaoru was laying his head down, his hair sprawled out all over the counter. He was paler than usual, the alcohol causing a rosy tint to appear on his cheeks. He was pouting like a goddamn child who was told they couldn't get McDonalds for dinner.

Even then Kaoru was still so beautiful. For as long as Kojiro could remember people had always been fawning over Kaoru’s looks. Kaoru was blessed with silky long hair, a sharp jaw, and beautiful golden eyes.

As Kojiro studied Kaoru’s features he felt himself becoming overwhelmed with emotions. Seeing all the physical damage that Adan caused and the lasting effects it had on Kaoru’s body was too much for Kojiro’s heart.

“I was so scared when I saw Adam hit you on the screen.” Kojiro's mouth was moving without thinking. His mind was shut off and all that was left was his raw emotions. “I felt my world stop, everything around me became fuzzy and all I could think about was you.”

Kaoru lifted his head, staring at him. His mouth agape, too stunned to speak.

Kojiro swallowed the lump in his throat, “And when I saw you lying there, on the ground, I couldn't see you breathing. I thought you died! I thought you died before I even got the chance…” he cut himself off, no this was not the time.

That seemed to sober Kaoru up immediately. He kept his eyes glued to the floor, refusing to even glance in Kojiro’s direction. He was tugging on the hem of his sleeves, letting the long hair cover his face.

“All I could think about were the places we haven't visited yet, or never get to be able to skate with you again. I saw a world where you weren't by my side.”

Kojiro’s palms were sweating, talking about it made him feel like he was reliving that night at S. The temperature of the room dropped 20 degrees, the air became thick, suffocating. Is that how Kaoru felt whenever he recounted what Adam did to him? The thought made Kojiro nauseous and wasn’t helping his panicky thoughts.

Kaoru chewed his lip, “I'm sorry.” he apologized, snapping Kojiro out of his train of thought.

“Why are you apologizing? You didn't ask for that psycho to bash your head against a skateboard.”

“Still, I put myself in the situation even after you begged me not to go through with it.” Kaoru explained, still refusing to make eye contact. “I know I get impulsive whenever Adam’s around, but I feel this urge to… I want to prove that I'm not boring. I want to prove to myself that there was a reason he put me through hell.” he spoke the last sentence barely above a whisper.

Kaoru's voice was quiet, broken, Kojiro hated how wrong it sounded.

“You would never need to prove yourself to me.” Kojiro spoke without thinking.

Kaoru unconsciously leaned back in his wheelchair, somehow looking paler than he did before. His eyes widened as he wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. Kaoru's chest was heaving with his teeth clatter uncontrollably.

“Kaoru. Kaoru!” Kojiro screamed, hysterically.

Kojiro ran over to Kaoru’s slumped-over body, thankfully catching him before he could reach the ground. He was unconscious but still breathing. The dreadful feeling of deja vu swept over Kojiro’s body, causing a chill to run down his spine.

“Shit,” Kojiro hissed. “I'm calling an ambulance.”

He went to grab his phone from his back pocket, frantically dialing for an ambulance

I'm sorry Kaoru. Just hang on.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

He couldn't feel, all his senses were gone. He was simply floating in a state of numbness. This was nice. He could live like this, but he felt himself being pulled from the comforting darkness.

He woke up to the image of a hospital room, again.

Kaoru internally screamed. Not again. I thought I escaped this place.

Kojiro was sitting next to him, appearing less stressed than the previous day.

Kojiro looked up from his phone, “And the award for the stupidest decision-maker goes to Mr. Sakurayashiki.” he started clapping.

Kaoru winced at the noise, his head was throbbing, “Will you keep your voice down, my head is pounding.”

“Regretting that third bottle of wine, yet?” Kojiro mocked, his tone not amusing Kaoru in the slightest.

Kaoru rolled his eyes at the comment, “What happened? Why am I back in the hospital?”

“What do you remember?” Kojiro asked, looking slightly alarmed.

“We were drinking, got a little too emotional than you…” The night came flashing back, The drinking, Kojiro’s comment. Kaoru felt embarrassed at his reaction. “You told me I would never have to prove myself to you, then I had a panic attack.”

“What I meant by that was that you don't have to do reckless things to impress me. I just wanted you to know I would never hurt you like he has. You're not some toy I'm going to throw away because I get bored.” Kojiro frantically explained.

Kaoru dismissed Kojiro’s worries, he knew Kojiro was nothing like Adam, “It's fine. I knew how Adam was and continued to pursue him. I'm still in one piece, that's more than I can say for the others.”

“I'm tired of you making excuses for him.”

Kaoru glared at Kojiro. How dare he, “He was my friend. I loved him.” Kaoru seethed.

“He WAS my friend too. Emphasis on the was part.” Kojiro grumbled under his breath.

Kaoru sighed, exacerbated by the whole conversation, “Why do you care so much?

“Why do I care?” Kojiro repeated. Out of all the things Kaoru has told Kojiro in the past forty-eight hours, that question struck the deepest. “Kaoru, you've been my best friend since Kindergarten and he hurt you. You're the most important person to me. I hate what he did to you. He not only beat you down physically but mentally as well. He convinced you that you are worthless when that couldn't be farther from the truth.”

A single tear rolled down Kojiro’s cheek, “He took my Cherry Blossom away.”

Something in that sentence resonated within Kaoru because for the first time since he woke up, the spark returned to his eyes.

There was a sudden knock at the door, interrupting the tense conversation between Kaoru and Kojiro. The door slammed open revealing an energetic Reki, with Langa right behind him.

“Hey, Cherry, you're awake!” Reki screamed running into the hospital room.

Kaoru gripped his throbbing head, “You're almost as loud as muscle-head, over here.” he groaned.

Reiki smacked both hands over his mouth, “Sorry,” he whispered. “Guys Cherry’s back to the world of the living.”

Miya, with a flower pot in his hand, along with Shadow soon shuffled silently into the room.

“Hey, Cherry,” Shadow said. “How are you holding up?”

“I'm good, nothing I can't handle. Just a couple of scratches.”

“Yeah, tiger scratches.” Kaojiro muttered under his breath.

Kaoru backhanded Kojiro in the stomach, “Ow,” Kojiro complained, with a smirk on his face.

“Good to see you're well enough to still bicker with Joe.” Shadow noted.

“Cherry?” Miya quietly spoke up.

“Miya.” Kaoru acknowledged.

Miya was refusing to make eye contact, “Are you really okay?” he asked.

“Yes, I'll be fine.” Kaoru smiled at Miya, running his hand through the boy's unruly hair. “It takes a lot more to keep me down.”

In the corner of the hospital room, Reki and Langa stood right next to each other, refusing to leave each other's side. The image caused a grin to form on Kojiro’s face. He was glad the two were able to patch things up.

“I see you two have patched things up.” Kojiro mentioned.

“Yeah, Reki is more important to me than some stupid race.” Langa smiled, looking Reki directly into the eyes.

“And I realized how much I missed Langa and wanted to make things right with him.” Reki acknowledged as he took Langa’s hand into his.
“Uh here. Shadow helped me pick them out.” Miya interrupted, holding the pot of flowers in Cherry’s direction.

“Awwww. Is Miya blushing?” Reki teased.

“Shut it, you slime!” Miya screeched. “Better keep quiet otherwise I'll tell Cherry and Joe you're failing English.”

“Miya! You said you would keep that a secret.” Reki said, looking betrayed.

“Langa’s also failing math.” Miya smirked, loving the chaos he had created.

“Please I failed a couple of high school classes and I turned out fine.” Shadow off-handedly commented.

Miya laughed at the statement, “Every night you paint your face in clown makeup and make yourself look like a discount It.”

“Also you're only friends seem to be two grown adults that created an illegal, underground skating race, two depressed sixteen-year-olds, and a pretentious thirteen-year-old who acts like a cat.” Reki pointed out.

“Plus you're too scared to ask your manager out.” Langa also commented.

“Oh yeah, well I'd like to see you ask out your crush.” Shadow retorted in Langa’s direction.

“Well, it's kinda too late for that since Reki already asked me out.” Langa nonchalantly revealed.

“Wait, does this mean you are finally dating?”

“Well this isn't how we planned to tell all of you, but yes, Langa and I are dating?” Reki stated with the biggest smile anyone in the group had ever seen.

The whole room burst into cheers and congratulations. For a short moment, the world felt right and everything was normal.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

After days of being forced to stay in that stuffy hospital, Kaoru was finally allowed to be discharged. The doctors advised against him staying in his house alone, and that's how Kaoru found himself staying at Kojiro’s apartment for the week.

Kaoru felt disgusting. He hasn't been able to take a proper shower since he was admitted to the hospital and that's all his mind could focus on.

“Kojiro, could you help me.” Kaoru whined, embarrassed he was unable to complete a simple human function.

Kojiro popped his head into the bathroom, “Princess needs her bubble bath.” he teased.

Kaoru did his best to muster up his best ‘shut up dumb gorilla’ glare, but it must have looked pretty pathetic since Kojiro’s triumphant smirk morphed into a sad smile.

Kojiro went to draw the bathwater while Kaoru awkwardly leaned against the bathroom counter. Kojiro gently got up from his knees to remove Kaoru’s clothes but hesitated. Kojiro looked into Kaoru’s eyes, searching for an answer. Kaoru nodded his head, silently giving consent.

“You know I've always wondered what you looked like under all those clothes.” Kojiro quickly added, in an attempt to break the heavy tension.

Kaoru scoffed at the comment, “I'm sorry I don't go around everywhere with my shirt half off, thirsty gorilla.”

“Are you ready?”Kojiro sheepishly questioned. “Is this okay?”

Kaoru wanted to be angry at how Kojiro was treating him like glass, like one tiny mistake would shatter him into a million pieces. His pride told him that it wasn't necessary and that he could handle himself, but he knew that wasn't true. He secretly enjoyed not having to constantly worry about himself and letting someone take care of him.

“Yes.”

“This might sting a little bit.” Kojiro warned, afraid to hurt Kaoru.

The silence came back. It wasn't as tense as before but there was still the lingering feeling of guilt in the air. Kaoru really didn't mind it, but a quick glance over his shoulder pulled on his heartstrings. Kojiro looked devastated. The guilt in his eyes was obvious as he gently scrubbed over the bruises and cuts.

“The kids have been hanging out in the restaurant a lot recently.” Kojiri again broke the silence. “They told me about your conversations with them.”

Kaoru swallowed the lump in his throat, “I've had a lot of time to think.”

It was true. In the hospital, he had the chance to talk to the others and it really gave him the perspective he needed.

Kaoru opened his mouth to talk but quickly closed it. He didn't know what was wrong with him. Normally talking to Kojiro was the easiest thing in the world but now it felt impossible to express himself.

Kaoru took a deep breath, he could do this. Kojiro deserves to know, “You told me you thought I was going to die that night and all you could think about were things we had yet to experience. I could only see my regrets. I thought I was going to die and all I could think of was everything I regretted.” A single tear slipped from his eye.

“Kaoru, talk to me, please.” Kojiro practically begged. “You're not alone, I want to help.” Seeing Kaoru like this was honestly the most terrifying thing he could ever witness.

Kaoru bit his lip, he kept his head down. The once warm water turned freezing cold.

“I regret not trying harder to protect the kids.” Kaoru continued on. “I regret letting Adam go this far. He assaulted Reki and landed him in the hospital. He was practically grooming Miya for his weird skateboarding fantasy. He even… His harassment of Langa. I regret protecting him. I regret not telling anyone about his true nature!”

Kaoru felt all his anger from the past years boil over. He was practically screaming at this point, “I'm so tired! I’m tired of protecting him!”

Kaoru was heaving, trying to regain his breath. Kojiro was stunned. Time stopped, he felt trapped in a memory. He had only seen Kaoru this mad one other time.

It was the one and only time Adam had ever dared to put his hands on Kojiro. Kojiro had been fed up with Adam’s new attitude and wanted to know if the rumor that he actually sent a fellow skater to the hospital was true. Enough was enough and Kojiro was done with Adam’s bullshit.

He doesn't really remember what led up to the altercation but words were exchanged and Adam shoved Kojiro into the pavement. Kojiro went to tackle Adam but Kaoru got in the way. At first, Kojiro thought that Kaoru was going to defend Adam, but he was dead wrong.

Kaoru’s entire demeanor emitted unbridled rage. He swept Adam’s leg from under him and kicked him square in the jaw. The way he spat ‘You never touch Kojiro’ still sends a chill down his spine to this day.

The memories caused tears to well up in Kojiro’s eyes. Even though Kaoru was in a shitty situation he still stood up to Adam to defend Kojiro, “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For doing nothing to stop him. For not helping you. For letting him go so far.”

“Stop with your smothering, gorilla. I hid it from you. I chose to ignore the issue. We were just stupid kids, you didn't know any better.” He intertwined his fingers with Kojiro’s hand. “You tried your best.”

“Same goes for you.” Kojiro spoke, leaning his head in causing their foreheads to touch. “You didn't deserve that, you deserved better. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect and love. What Adam did and has done was not nor ever will be your fault.”

“I know, it's just hard.”

Kojiro went back to washing Kaoru’s back, soon moving on to his arms and chest.

“If I ever see that asshole again, I'm going to kill him.” Kojiro said with a dark expression.

Kaoru laughed at Kojiro’s statement, “I think you might have to wait in line, the others have already taken the first four spots.”

“Well, I've wanted to do it since high school. So I think I should automatically get first in line.” Kojiro stated matter of factly.

“Thank you. You didn't need to do all of this.” Kaoru uttered as he leaned his head back on Kojiro’s shoulder.

Kojiro tilted Kaoru’s head in his direction, “But I wanted to.”

Kojiro went to grab the comb and gently started brushing the bristles through the long, cherry-pink hair. The back and forth motion soothed Kaoru, giving him the warm sense of safety he had missed.

“Tell me if I tug too hard”

“Okay,” Kaoru whispered.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Kaoru was on his back, unable to move. His limbs felt like lead.

There was a figure looming over him.

Adam.

They were in Adam’s room, his face covered by his old hoodie.

He wore a sadistic smirk across his lips, glaring down at Kaoru.

He was dizzy, everything felt fuzzy.

He felt hands. One harshly grabbed his chin while the other violated his body.

Stop. Please, stop.

He didn't fight, he let it happen. Kaoru knew from experience it would hurt less.

He felt disgusting.

It hurt. Everything hurts.

Adam lit a cigarette and inhaled sharply.

He looked displeased, unsatisfied.

Kaoru whimpered. He wanted it just to end.

“Kaoru. Kaoru.”

A voice.

“I need you to wake up.”

Kojiro?

Kaoru's eyes snapped open, gasping for a breath. He can’t breathe. His breaths are shallow, his chest is heaving violently. Kaoru looked around the room trying to find something to ground himself. The room around him was spinning, making it hard to focus on his surroundings.

He feels someone's hand on his back. Kaoru’s breath hitched as he flinched away from the touch.

Kaoru looked up expecting the worst, expecting Adam but was relieved when he caught a glimpse of vibrant green hair. Kojiro is staring at him with soft, concerned eyes, the worry plainly written on his face. He looks like he wants to say something, yet is unsure of what to do.

“Kojiro,” Kaoru croaked, gripping his throat. It felt hoarse like he had been screaming for hours. “Did I wake you?”

Kojiro shook his head, reassuring Kaoru “No.” Kojiro held out his hand to offer a glass of water, which Kaoru gratuitously accepted. Only when he was gulping down his drink did Kaoru realize how thirsty he really was. “I've had trouble sleeping lately… with everything that has happened recently.” Kojiro mentioned as he took the glass of water back.

Kojiro placed the cup down, still standing in the same spot. It seemed like he was refusing to move until Kaoru told him it was okay. Kaoru exhaled, Kojiro has always been too kind for his own good. He motioned for Kojiro to sit next to him on the bed, which he gladly did.

The two were sitting awkwardly next to each other, the silence was heavy, uncomfortable. There was a question lingering in the air, and both refused to acknowledge it. Kaoru was looking off in the distance, he could feel Kojiro’s stare burning holes into the back of his head.

“Your hair is so long, it gets tangled too easily.” Kojiro offhandedly commented.

Kaoru knew he was being irrationally defensive, but he couldn't stop his lips twitching into a frown, “Are you suggesting I cut it?” he spat, rolling his eyes at Kojiro’s remark. Kaoru brushed his hair over his shoulder, combing his fingers through the long, tangled locks.

Kaoru knew he was being unreasonable, but he always got irritated when people would make snarky comments about his hair. For his entire life either too long or too girly, still, Kaoru couldn't care less about what people thought. His hair was special to him, he took great care of it and has always loved his hair. Adam knew this especially and used it to his advantage.

“Actually the opposite, I love your long hair.” Kojiro smiled, leaned over to push a few loose strands of hair over Kaoru’s shoulder. “ I hated that period where you cut it.”

“Adam did that.” Kaoru responded. “Told me it was my warning for disobeying him.” He let out a dry, humorless laugh. It wasn't funny, but saying it out loud made the situation sound so ridiculous.

Why did he never just leave Adam? No one was stopping him, hell on multiple occasions Kojiro had even asked Kaoru if Adam was hurting him and needed help. Deep down he knew the answer, Adam knew how desperate Kaoru wanted to feel loved and used that to his advantage.

No matter how bloody and bruised he left Kaoru’s body, the next day he would always present Kaoru with flowers and an apology. Kaoru knew what Adam did to him was wrong, but even through it all Adam made him feel loved, made him feel special.

“Can I ?” Kojiro gestured to Kaoru’s hair.

Kaoru nodded, he trusted Kojiro.

Kojiro has had the chance to brush Kaoru’s hair since elementary school, he knew exactly what to do. He grabbed a comb off of his bedside dresser and went to comb through the tangled, cherry-pink hair. Kojiro was gentle, tender in the way his hands moved, never tugging on knots. He would start at the bottom working his way up, combing through the hair in one swift motion.

“I don't remember why he beat me the first time,” Kaoru started.

Kaoru was biting his lip, he was nervous. Terrified was probably a better word, Kaoru hated being vulnerable in front of others, but this was Kojiro he reminded himself.

“I'd probably done something to piss him off and ‘needed to be put in my place’.” Kaoru rolled his eyes. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but it was hard when Kojiro kept giving him that infuriating sympathetic look. He took a deep breath, he needed to compose himself. “It became more common as the months went on. That and… and forcing me to sleep with him. I was either not in the mood, too tired, or something and said no. He didn't like that very much and took what he wanted.”

Kaoru’s breathing was becoming uneven, a single tear rolling down his cheek, “I would always protest at first, hoping he might stop, but when he showed no signs of slowing stopping… I just let him do whatever he wanted, it would probably hurt less.”

The feeling of anxiety was building up in his chest, everything was too overwhelming. Kaoru had always known what had happened, but talking about it out loud made the experience all too real. It felt like he was experiencing it all over again.

He remembered how terrified he had been the first time it happened, he was tired and said no but Adam never listened. It hurt, there was blood dripping down his legs. He felt nauseous, he needed a shower to scrub off his skin. Kaoru just wanted it to stop.

“Hey, look at me.” Kojiro softly shook Kaoru’s shoulder. Kaoru turned around to be greeted by Kojiro’s kind smile. He leaned into the touch, wanting to feel more of Kojiro’s warmth. “ You're safe, you're not there anymore, you're safe.”

With that one sentence Kaoru broke, he turned into a sobbing mess. Kojiro brought him into a tight embrace, rubbing small circles on his back with his thumbs.

Seconds, minutes, hours could have passed but Kaoru couldn't tell, time became irrelevant. All he could feel was Kojiro's arms wrapped tightly around him and the subtle rise and fall of his chest. He pressed himself closer into Kojiro’s chest, tears streaming down his face showing no signs of stopping.

“The day he told us he was leaving for America, I followed.” Kaoru hiccuped, positioning himself to be laying his head on Kojiro’s lap as Kojiro tenderly ran his fingers through his hair. “I zoned out for most of it, so I was vaguely aware that he was punching and kicking me. But then he started to tear off my uniform, and when I heard his belt click, I knew what he was about to do.”

Kaoru felt something drop on his face. He looked up to see Kojiro's tears sliding down his face with his unoccupied hand covering his mouth in an attempt to muffle his crying. He looked so heartbroken at the words leaving Kaoru’s mouth, the big oaf was probably blaming himself. He was always too kind for his own good, it made him feel guilty.

Kaoru’s mind told him to stop talking, but he felt this nagging feeling to keep going. He knew if he stopped talking now, he would never finish.

“I thought I would be able to handle it one last time, but this was different.” Kaoru continued, fiddling with the hem of his sleeve. It was a nice distraction from what he was about to say. “Before he would let it be somewhat pleasurable, but he wanted to send a message, he wanted this to hurt. It was the only time I screamed and tried to fight back.”

Kojiro was full-out sobbing at this point.

That's where he and Kojiro differed. Kaoru preferred to keep his emotions in check, creating a barrier that only a certain few were allowed to enter. Kojiro wore his heart on his sleeve, he was not ashamed of his emotions and did not see them as a weakness he had to hide away.

Kaoru could feel tears prick his eyes, “I loved him and he raped me.” he shakily got out.

He had always been afraid to say the word, to admit what Adam had put him through, but now it was all out in the open. He felt lighter, relieved that he was not carrying the pain alone anymore.

“Did you ignore me afterward because you were embarrassed?” Kojiro asked, horrified. “ I would have never judged, I know we were just teenagers and I was pretty stupid but…”

“No, that's not why I ignored you that week.” Kaoru cut off Kojiro’s rambling. It took all his willpower not to roll his eyes at the buffoon. “I didn't want you to see the state I was in. I didn't want you to look at me differently.”

Kojiro gently pulled Kaoru up so they were now looking each other straight in the eyes. “Kaoru, you still don't believe I would look at you differently?”

“No, I've learned that I'm going to be stuck with you, damn meathead, for the rest of my life.”

“I'm glad you know it.” Kojiro laughed, bringing Kaoru in for another bone-crushing hug.

Kaoru was in awe of Kojiro's natural ability to calm him down in any situation. Kaoru was a calculating person, constantly in control of himself and the things around him, but when his control slipped and the spiral started Kojiro was always there. Just his presence alone was enough to get Kaoru to relax. Kojiro made him feel safe.

“I never told you what my last regret was.” Kaoru’s mouth was moving without him thinking. He was going to do it, no more secrets were holding him back. “I never told you my feelings for you Kojiro.”

“Before you finish, I want to say something.” Kojiro blurted out. He felt his heart rate triple. He couldn't believe he was actually about to do this. “Kaoru, I've been in love with you since middle school. I never said anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Then Adam came along and I saw the way you looked at him, I knew I couldn't compete. I kept pushing off telling you because you were getting over Adam, then I moved to Italy, and I didn't want to ruin the friendship we had.”

Kojiro was rambling at this point, his thoughts wouldn’t form into coherent sentences, but still, Kaoru understood everything he was saying.

Kojiro had to take a deep breath, taking a minute to gather his thoughts, “Kaoru, I love you, I always have. I would never hurt you like he did. Never treat you like a toy and throw you away like you're nothing, cause the truth is your everything to me.” He placed his hand on top of Kaoru’s, giving it a soft squeeze. “I might mess up along the way, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Kojiro was embarrassed, he tried to turn his face away but Kaoru was having none of that. Kaoru gently cupped Kojiro's cheek and guided it so they were looking each other in the eyes again.

“Kojiro, it's always been you.” Kaoru smiled. He honestly couldn't remember a time when he had ever felt this ecstatic. “Even when I was with him, I could only confide and trust in you. You were my safety and still are. I used to think I knew what love was, but now I know. I love you.”

Kaoru leaned in closer so that their foreheads were touching, their lips were inches apart. A cloudy haze swept over the two men. The temperature raised ten degrees, the room faded into oblivion, it was just the two of them together.

“Can I kiss you?” Koijro breathed.

“Stupid gorilla.” Kaoru mumbled, pressing his lips against Kojiro’s.

The kiss was nice. It was neither forceful nor demanding, it was soft, gentle. Kojiro was used to hot, fast, sloppy sessions with some random chick whose name he could barely remember in the morning, while Kaoru was used to Adam’s harsh, painful way of expressing ‘love’.

This was different though. There was a passion the two had never felt with anyone else. The kiss felt right, it felt like what love was supposed to be.

As much as Kojio was enjoying the kiss, he knew that they should stop. Kaoru had just shared a very traumatic event for him and it didn't feel right to Kojiro if they went any farther, “Do you want me to keep going?”

“Can we stop?” Kaoru quietly responded.

Kojiro pulled back immediately, “Of course.” he smiled, tucking the loose strand of pink hair behind Kaoru's ear. Kojiro was satisfied with the faint blush that appeared on Kaoru’s cheeks.“I'll never force you to do anything you don't want.”

“I'm sorry.” Kaoru apologized, his eyes downcast in embarrassment. “I just… not yet.”

“Hey,” Kojiro lifted his chin, wearing the brightest smile Kaoru had ever seen. “Take your time. We’ll go at your pace.”

Kojiro rolled on his back and brought Kaoru down with him. Kaoru was laying on Kojiro’s chest with the man's arms wrapped tightly around him.

For the first time in a long time, Kaoru felt warm. It all still felt like a dream, like it was all too good to be true, but as long as he had Kojiro by his side he was safe.

“I love you.” Kaoru uttered, barely above a whisper.

Kojiro placed a soft kiss on Kaoru’s forehead, “I love you too.”