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Richard hadn’t wanted a stag night, but the Brigadier had insisted that as best man it was his duty, even if it was just a drink in the pub.
After her hen night, Audrey didn’t want Richard coming home in the state she had been, so she made a plan.
Standing in the manor's hallway, Audrey stood in front of Richard and adjusted his tie.
“Now darling,” she said firmly, “I know what the Brigadier is like, so I have enlisted Brabinger to look after you tonight.”
“Audrey, I don’t need a bodyguard.”
“Of course you don’t, darling. I just want you to be safe. I won’t have the Brigadier leaving you tied to a lamppost in your underwear for all the locals to see.”
Richard’s eyebrows rose high into his forehead. “He wouldn’t do that, would he?”
Audrey shrugged her shoulders. “Who knows? But I’m not taking any chances.”
She put on a big smile. “I should let you go now, darling.” She gave him a peck on the lips.
He grinned at her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her close, and kissed her deeply. Audrey moaned as his tongue darted into her mouth and his hands gripped her hips.
Pulling away from him, she smiled, “Go, before I change my mind about you going out tonight.” She said, pushing towards the door where Brabinger was waiting.
At one o’clock in the morning, Audrey was in bed, but not asleep. She couldn’t relax until Richard returned home safe and sound, so she had been going through her checklist for the wedding. The sound of the front door opening and shutting had her leaving her papers on the bedside table and getting out of bed. She put on her dressing gown and slippers and made her way downstairs.
Meanwhile, Brabinger was having a tough time trying to get a drunk Richard through the door without letting him fall flat on his face. The problem was, Brabinger himself was tipsy to the point of being quite unsteady on his feet. Richard’s arm was around Brabinger’s shoulder for support. They were nearly at the bottom of the stairs when Richard lost his footing and fell forward, taking Brabinger with him. They landed on the bottom step, right next to Audrey, who glared down at them both.
She was going to give them both a dressing down about the state they were in when she remembered how she herself had been in a similar state a few days earlier. Instead, she rushed down the steps and lifted a drunken Richard up by his armpits until he was sitting on the step.
“Are you alright?” She asked, looking at his face. There was blood trickling out of his nose.
“Audrey! Brabinger, look it’s my beautiful wife to be. Isn’t she gorgeous?” He said in between hiccups.
Audrey shook her head at her fiancé and pulled his handkerchief from his top pocket, gently dabbing the blood trickling from his nose.
“Flattery will get you nowhere, Richard. Look at the state of you!”
Brabinger coughed and straightened himself up. “I’m sorry, madam. I tried to protect Mr DeVere, but the Brigadier kept on buying us both drink after drink.”
Audrey shook her head. “It’s alright Brabinger, you did your best. You’d better get yourself off to bed.”
“Will you be alright madam? Do you need any help with Mr DeVere?”
“Oh, I can manage.” She assured Brabinger while carefully propping up Richard against the spindles of the staircase.
Brabinger retreated to his room, leaving Audrey to deal with Richard. His nose had stopped bleeding, and it didn’t look like it was broken, which she was relieved about.
Richard looked at Audrey with half-lidded eyes. “You’re not angry with me, are you, darling?”
“No, not really.” She said, stroking his cheek.
He kissed her fingers as they brushed over his jaw. “I didn’t mean to drink so much.” He mumbled, almost sleepily.
“I know, darling.” Audrey said soothingly, brushing his hair back, “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
They made it up the stairs and into their bedroom without incident.
As soon as Richard’s weight hit the mattress, Audrey undressed him, starting with his jacket. She got his tie, waistcoat, and shirt off before he flopped back onto the bed.
Audrey took his shoes off before reaching for the button on his trousers. Richard groaned as her hand brushed over his groin, causing an involuntary twitch of his cock which made Audrey grin.
“If I wasn’t in this state, I’d make love to you.” Richard said.
Audrey chuckled as she pulled his trousers off. “Of course you would, darling. You can make it up to me tomorrow.”
Deciding it would be too difficult to get him into his pyjamas, she left him in his boxer shorts and helped him settle beneath the covers before climbing in behind him.
She snuggled up to his back and wrapped her arms around him, feeling the warmth radiating from his flesh. She breathed in his scent and ran her fingers through the hair on his chest. As she felt his muscles rippling under her fingertips, she kissed his neck and closed her eyes.
When Richard awoke the next morning, he felt as though there was a marching band trampling through his head and a storm in his stomach. He moaned into his pillow and turned over to find Audrey sitting on the side of the bed, watching him.
“Good morning, darling. How are you feeling?”
“Awful.” He answered, rubbing his eyes.
“Hmm. Yes, I expect you do. But don’t worry, I have a remedy that will perk you right up.”
With that, she patted his bare stomach and picked up a glass from the bedside table and held it out to him.
“What is it?” he asked, taking the glass from her and inspecting the contents.
“It’s a hangover cure of Uncle Greville’s. Guaranteed to make you feel better.”
Taking a tentative smell of the concoction, he raised an eyebrow at Audrey. “It smells disgusting.”
“Yes darling. But once it gets into your system, it will kill the effects of the booze and leave you feeling much better.”
Unsure whether to believe her, Richard sniffed the glass again. It really did smell revolting, but in his current state, he figured it couldn’t do much harm.
He drank it all down in one go. He choked a bit with the aftertaste and scrunched his nose, but quickly recovered. The blurring edges of the pain in his head gradually reduced and his stomach settled.
“Wow, that is amazing. We should sell it in my supermarkets. Mrs fForbes-Hamilton’s Hangover Cure.”
Audrey took the glass from him and put it back on the bedside table.
“That won’t be my name for much longer and besides, it’s uncle Greville’s recipe. And Hartley’s Herbal Restorative has a nice ring to it.”
Richard grinned and pulled the duvet back. “Come back to bed, darling. I did promise to make up for last night, didn’t I?”
Audrey chuckled and slipped back into bed and into the crook of his arm, nuzzling in closer to his torso and kissing his neck.
“Indeed you did.”