Work Text:
My Dearest Edward,
Today I begin my journey back to the home I left behind, to the family I abandoned. To say that I am sorry I cannot join you on the next adventure is an egregious understatement. I long to follow you to every ocean on the globe, to watch the sun rise and set on a hundred hundred horizons. It is with a dreadfully heavy heart that I leave that world, your world, behind. I am certain that wherever you go, you will bring new exciting life with you.
I encountered the Admiral Badminton unexpectedly, which was the root of my truancy for our rendezvous. He led me at gunpoint, most deliriously, into the forest surrounding the encampment. Sweat glistened on his brow and his pistol trembled in uneasy hands. But what struck me most were his words.
I have been a monster, my Edward. I have been the cause of death, of strife and ruin. “You defile beautiful things,” he said to me, and I have to say I am inclined to concur. I abandoned my family, my wife and children. I didn’t even say goodbye, I was far too cowardly. I left a letter, much like I am now. Perhaps I shall never learn, but I aspire to, Edward. And look what I've done to you. Blackbeard was the greatest pirate in history, and I ruined him, ruined you.
You belong to the Sea, Edward, not trapped in the narrow confines of my trepidacious world. It was wrong of me to cloister you away, to hold you too close. I was blinded by my selfish desires, lost in childish fantasy.
I am not sure where I belong. I hope to find answers, though I know not how long it will take. I do not feel like I quite fit in the quaint, quiet lifestyle of my inherited estate, and yet with all the precarious events that occurred that put myself and my crew in danger, I wonder if I am fit for the dangerous lifestyle of a pirate. I am not quite a gentleman, not quite a pirate.
But before I can find the answers to who I am, who Stede Bonnet can truly be, I must make amends. And so I depart, to return to Mary and my children, to apologize, though forgiveness I do not deserve. I am indebted to them, I can only hope my absence has not completely ruined them.
Perhaps one day, when I can ensure their happiness and future, I can return to the sea. But, my dear Edward, do not wait for me. I am not worthy of such reverent loyalty. The world would be a dark place if your love were shuttered and reserved for a return I cannot promise. I pray that whoever you find next will be worthy of your companionship.
You will always be the wind in my sails, the stars that light my night skies, the warmth that soothes these aging bones.
May the ocean currents favor you, my darling.
Yours with love unending,
Stede Bonnet