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Natsuo had never felt truly happy.
Before meeting Tenko, Natsuo couldn’t recount a moment when he was truly happy. Sure, he had friends, but nothing compared to when he glanced at Tenko and he stared back with the most adoring look in the world. The giddy feeling that Tenko gave him made him feel like a lovesick teenager, and Natsuo fully accepted that title. Before meeting Tenko, Natsuo saw relationships as something that was more of a hinderance than a mutually beneficial phenomenon. With his parents being one of the only examples he had, Natsuo was never able to gain an understanding of a healthy relationship anyways. However, after experiencing all the love that Tenko offered- even though he had been given so little in the past- Natsuo realized how much he had unconsciously wanted love.
Living with his asshole of a father, Natsuo never got to experience a lot of things. One being the most evident, love, but also the feeling of being wanted. He had Fuyumi, and she was great, but as she got older and started to apologize for their father, their relationship practically ended. It was sad, in a way, that she had turned into the replica of their mother, but Natsuo understood that she had the same wants as him. She, however, tried to get them in all the wrong ways.
Either way, their relationship had always been strained. Living in an abusive household will do that to people. Although they were each other’s only comfort, the feeling that they needed to stay together to survive caused him to unfairly resent Fuyumi. He hated that his own father’s mistakes had caused his relationship with his sister to deteriorate, but accepted that people can’t always change or fix their ways. If only Fuyumi could realized that too.
Nonetheless, Natsuo was out and away from that asshole for good. It was best not to think about the past, he supposed. Why be angered by people who gave him nothing when he has someone who would give him everything?
Looking down at Tenko, Natsuo smiled. He looked so soft and untouched in this lighting. Surrounded by flowers, Natsuo and Tenko sat beneath the sun as a willow tree blew above them. It was uncharacteristically sweet, and Natsuo wouldn’t dare wish for more. Peppering small kisses over Tenko’s face, Natsuo watched Tenko open his eyes to look at his lover. It made Natsuo feel an indescribable amount of pride when Tenko first allowed himself to relax in his lap. The knowledge that he felt comfortable and trusted his lover enough to let his guard down was all Natsuo ever needed to know.
It was April, but the weather was too perfect to waste the day hidden beneath their bedroom covers. The cherry blossom season had just ended, and Natsuo and Tenko had driven as far from the city as they could until they found the perfect field to relax in. Located on top of a huge hill, the scene before Natsuo was something that seemed picturesque. From all the hypothetical dates that Fuyumi daydreamed about to Natsuo, this seemed to be one of the most romantic. As the kaleidoscope of colors swayed through the flowers, both lovers locked eyes in the peaceful moment.
“Thank you for bringing me out here, Natsuo.” A soft whispered gratitude that was almost unheard floated between the two, as if he was afraid of expressing his appreciation.
“Of course,” Came a reassuring answer.
“I’m glad we can spend a day here together.”
A noncommittal hum urged Tenko to continue.
“I’ll be away for a while. With the league, I mean.”
They both shared a look of understanding and pity.
“And I just want you to know that, no matter what, I love you,” Natsuo’s world zeroed in on him. Sure, they did things a lot of couples would do, but they had never actually said that they loved each other. It seemed too official- too fake. That and their added awkwardness and overall inexperience with love caused them to declare their fondness for each other in different ways. Nonverbal ways that didn’t finalize anything or make it seem as if there was a deadline. Both men liked it better that way anyways, but once he had heard the pure love in Tenko’s voice, the promise that was unspoken but conveyed in a million ways made Natsuo wonder why they had ever avoided such a powerful and meaningful part of their relationship.
Tenko continued, “I know I say this a lot- but I mean it this time- I’d destroy the world for you, Natsuo. Name it and I’ll do it. I want you to be happy, really happy, without having to worry about shit all the time.”
“I am happy, Tenko. Whenever I’m with you, I’m always happy. As long as you come back to me alive, I don’t care how many heroes you kill or destroy. Fuck the commission, fuck the hero society, fuck everyone but you. I love you, and that is all that’s needed need to make up for anything you do.”
This time, Tenko was able to feel overwhelmed with affection. Gazing up into his lover eyes, his promising and vengeful expression softened as he allowed himself to appreciate the blessing he had been given. He had been stolen from so many different times in so many different ways, but when he was with Natsuo, all he could focus on was the good in his life. The small things that Natsuo brought with him into his life was enough of a reason to keep going, to keep fighting. He would singlehandedly be the end of all heroes if it meant that Natsuo’s life and the love he gave was protected. Perhaps it was selfish. Perhaps he was taking Natsuo and the affection he was undeserving of for granted, but as he stared into eyes that resembled the delicate moon on a clear night or the shining stars that burned with passion in the sky, he couldn’t find it within himself to care. As long as Natsuo continued to love him, everything would be alright.
And it was. As the two continued on with more lighthearted discussions, they laughed until sunset bid them goodnight. In that moment, that pause in time that only the two lovers experienced, both knew that their love was all they needed to survive.
________
Tenko was hurt. Natsuo knew that much. He hated these missions. Where Tenko was worked to the verge of death and Natsuo had no clue about it until he was healthy enough to meet up and tell him about it. Without a simple text or signal to let Natsuo know that he was alive, Natsuo was left to his own accord to worry about the wellbeing of his boyfriend. Although it felt almost childish to depend on Tenko, he was the only reason that helped Natsuo stay on the path of sanity. Despite his unwillingness to admit that, Natsuo’s dependency on Tenko hurt him exclusively on these missions.
While Natsuo knew he had no reason to worry, he couldn’t shake the unyielding fear in his gut and heart that Tenko was hurt. Badly. This happened every time Tenko went absent for a long period of time, and while he always returned alive, Natsuo’s anxieties progressively got worse every time. There was reports of a fight. A huge one. Although no official or large media outlet had reported out on it yet, they were all tied in with the commission and other hero agencies, and the instruction to not report on fights that could damage heroes reputation meant that worried citizens would turn to other networks to get a report on the fight. Albeit unreliable, when someone is concerned for their safety, they will ultimately trust anything.
Natsuo knew that this fight must be important. He had been feeling the ground rumble and shake along with explosions long into the night. Despite the obvious signs of a fight, no major news channel had reported on it, so he concluded that the fight was in the villain’s favor. Mentally cheering on the villain, Natsuo flicked through different news articles that were streaming out by the second. Scanning the reports and anxiously hoping to not see Tenko in one, his heart stopped as he read the first line of a newly posted article. Of-fucking-course. Natsuo knew it, whether he wanted to admit it or not. All the signs pointed to Tenko, he’s a strong fighter. Whenever he and the league fought a hero, they would always damage their reputation. Through comments throughout the fight or defeating them, they were usually successful in destroying the integrity of heroes.
As he faced the truth, Natsuo stopped denying the obvious and accepted that Tenko was fighting a hero. A powerful one, at that. The fight had lasted for hours, and while he hadn’t particularly cared for the villian before, he became very concerned for Tenko.
As he was unsuccessfully trying to calm his nerves, Natsuo’s phone began to ring. Annoyed at the disruption of his meditation, Natsuo picked it up before scrambling to answer it once he read the phone number. Whenever Tenko called him during his LOV missions, it was always on a burner phone as to not be traced. The no caller id flashed across his face and he slammed his hand against his phone as he tried to accept the call, hoping for Tenko’s safety and victory. Once hearing Tenko’s ragged breathing, however, he prepared himself for the worst.
“Natsuo?” A delirious and gravely voice asked.
Through the difference of his voice, Natsuo still recognized the small and seemingly vulnerable state that Tenko was in. He never spoke so softly with such voice cracks unless he was seriously upset or hurt. Natsuo had been with him through enough panic attacks to know that much.
“Yes, Tenko, it’s me. How are you? Where are you? Are you hurt? Do you need me to come get you? Did you win? Please tell me!” He whimpered, bombarding Tenko with questions that he was afraid would be left unanswered.
“Natsuo- I-I’m so cold. I lost so much blood, m’ so tired…” He slurred.
“Tenko, where are you? I’ll come and help you!” He pleaded.
“I.. wanna go to the willow tree again. To that field…” he trailed off, leaving Natsuo to desperately clutch the phone and shove it against his ear in an attempt to catch any uttered word. “…never felt that safe before… or loved. I wanna go back, Natsu! Take me back there!” He sobbed.
Attempting to console his partner in hushed whispers, Natsuo grew angry once the phone was taken from Tenko and and unknown voice began to speak to him.
“Don’t listen to him, he’s hysterical. He has lost a lot of blood though, and he mentioned that you’d be able to help. So, speak up lover boy, what do we have to do?”
Natsuo stuttered, attempting to understand how cold hearted the man could be. Calming himself, Natsuo continued. “How injured is he? Where is his wounds?”
Loud shuffling was all he could hear until an eventual answer was given. Upon hearing where Tenko’s injuries where, Natsuo pleaded to get their location so he could help him. Once again, the man was unhelpful and refused, being annoyingly paranoid.
“Fine! I- just follow the directions I gave you, okay?” Before Natsuo could finish, the man cut him off, claiming that his directions was all they needed before hanging up. The last thing Natsuo heard before the line went dead was a distant wail of his name, and he coudn’t help but feel angered by the separation of him and Tenko. The stupid man, the stupid heroes, everything was tearing the two apart. Natsuo desperately hoped for Tenko’s safety, staying up all night with dried tear tracks drawn upon his face. It wasn’t until an eerie silence fell over Japan and sunlight filtered through his window that he eventually fell asleep.
When Natsuo awoke, the first thing he noticed was the odd atmosphere. It was almost peaceful, dreadfully so. A forced quietness that usually followed a tragic event. A shocked silence- a frightened one.
Pushing down all negative thoughts, Natsuo continued his morning. A repeated routine that he mundanely followed as he pretended that everything was normal despite learning about disturbing news about Tenko. It was the dystopia that he had learned to live in a long time ago, ever since the death of Touya was erased and he continued with life as if nothing was wrong. Something that he was tired of, but could never break out of.
‘Ceaseless’, he mused. That was his life. That was the loop he followed blindly. No matter if he was angry or exhausted of the infinite routine, he was forced to follow it. In a way, his father and the hero society was ruining his life even after he cut it all out of it.
Pulling his phone off of it’s charger, Natsuo checked the news of last night’s fight. The same old news that underplayed the hero’s injuries and spread pure propaganda. As always, the smaller news sources had all of their articles deleted due to larger companies threatening them for ‘misinformation’. It was as if public panic had never existed, as if the hero was truly the strong and capable one in the fight.
A loud knock snapped Natsuo out of his hateful musing, glancing at the door with uneasiness. It was frantic and hurried, so it obviously wasn’t a delivery or neighbor. Hesitantly approaching the door, Natsuo looked through the peephole of his door. What stared back was..disturbing, to say the least. A young girl, who couldn’t be older than 17, was covered with blood and very obviously distressed. Next to her, a man in a full body suit who was animatedly moving his hands, expressing something to the girl. The man was also covered in blood, and although Natsuo couldn’t see his expression due to the suit covering his face as well, his body language spoke for him.
Now, Natsuo was cautious when it came to people near him. Maybe it was trauma, or just plain self preservation, but he was very skeptical of the situation before him. He was a medical student, which meant he was broke. Which meant he lived in a shitty apartment in the bad part of town. Which meant he should not trust two blood covered people in the early morning. However, when he saw the person the girl was carrying, he quickly slammed the door open.
Tenko, his lover, his will to live, was ghostly pale and seemingly bleeding out in this girl’s arms. He grabbed Tenko and delicately laid him on his couch, uncaring of the future stains as he rushed into his bathroom to grab medical supplies. The two people walked into his apartment, leaning over the couch to watch Natsuo fret over Tenko.
“I’m so sorry, Natsu. Dabi told us that we didn’t need your help, but when we saw him this morning, we knew he would die if he didn’t get proper assistance.” The girl said. Briefly correcting her on his name, he quickly glanced at her appearance and realized who she was. The short description that Tenko gave about the League allowed him to understand who the both of them were.
Toga Himiko and Twice stood before him, covered in his boyfriend’s blood as he rushed to stabilize it. A fleeting thought crossed his mind as he offhandedly appreciated Toga’s ability to hold back with all of the blood around her. The two villains watched worriedly as Natsuo grew frustrated and blood-stained.
Once Natsuo had stopped all of his external bleeding, he sat back for a second to watch Tenko. He was still beautiful, even in pain. His light blue had morphed into white, and had grew drastically in his time away. He traced his arm absentmindedly before getting water and soft food, motioning for the two conscious villains to follow him.
Walking into his quaint kitchen attached to his living room, the two sat down at the small table before beginning to talk simultaneously.
A mixture of apologies and explanations filled the room before Natsuo directly asked Toga for the whole story. From the start of their plan to challenge Endeavor and the end of their fight, Natsuo stayed quiet. Listening to them talk about Dabi-the asshole who separated Tenko and him on the phone and incorrectly followed his instructions angered him, knowing that he could’ve helped immensely if he had just allowed him to go to their location.
Sighing, he thanked Toga and Twice for their charitable and caring actions before returning to Tenko’s side. Blocking out the bickering and worried remarks, Natsuo sat next to Tenko for the next four hours and held his hand. Rubbing his thumb against his concerningly cold hand, Natsuo smiled at the thought of Tenko’s reaction to his affection if he were awake.
Staring at his frail body, Natsuo wouldn’t have realized that he had woken up if he didn’t feel Tenko’s eyelashes brush against his arm. Glancing down at him, he saw how pitiful and weak Tenko really was.
“..Nat-su?” He croaked.
Natsuo smiled, kissing his knuckles as he stared into Tenko’s eyes. “Yes, it’s me. I’m here, love.”
Worried about overwhelming him Natsuo stayed relatively quiet, shooting a look at Toga and Twice to do the same. As Tenko came to consciousness, he began to speak. “Are you alright?” He asked worriedly.
Natsuo smiled and let out a dry laugh. “Me? Tenko, you almost died! Please don’t worry about me.”
Smiling against Natsuo’s hand, Tenko propped himself and stared at his surroundings. “Oh, um, what are you two doing here?”
“We saved you boss! No we didn’t, you suck!” Twice exclaimed.
Turning back to Natsuo, Tenko grinned. “We killed him, Natsu. All for you. We killed that flaming bastard!”
In awe, Natsuo stared at Tenko, “…what?”
“We killed him, Natsu. Endeavor is dead. In critical condition, for now, but dead in a couple hours.”
Natsuo sobbed, hugging Tenko tightly, carefully avoiding his bandages. “Oh my god, Tenko, thank you! I love you so much, thank you.” He repeated continuously before kissing all of his face.
Tenko smiled up at him, the promising glint ever so present in his bloodshot eyes. “Anything for you, Natsu.”
His whisper echoed throughout Natsuo’s mind as he promptly fell asleep again. A pool of worry gathered in his head as he tried to be rational, his anxieties and gut-feeling causing him to feel nauseous. He always felt this way whenever something happened unexpectedly. He was used to it. But whenever it involved Tenko, Natsuo began to listen to his doubtful thoughts. Usually, Tenko was present and able to console him and his mind. It was in times like this when Natsuo was left to suffer alone.
It might be selfish, but the League, heroes, they made him jealous. His boyfriend dedicated his life to the downfall of heroes, and with all the time he spent with the League instead of him, he felt as if he was an afterthought. Natsuo’s mind drifted back to how he felt when he still lived under the same roof as his father. He felt small, useless. He felt like something that was only given attention once the main problem was solved. Be it training with Touya or Shouto, he and Fuyumi were always the afterthought.
Maybe it was destiny, or the God’s cruel decision of fate, but in that moment, Natsuo felt that he would forever be destined to feel that way. Frowning, Natsuo thought back to the old man. He was dead, and Natsuo hoped that the League had made him feel all the pain he and his sibling suffered through. The neglect, the burning, the loss. The trauma he endured, the broken family he had. The world would never know it was because of him.
Natsuo wishes that he could break his facade, to scream to the world that Enji Todoroki is the reason for his terrible life. That his own actions had lead to his downfall. But he stayed silent. As always, Natsuo pushed his own feelings down and prioritized someone else. This time, however, Natsuo didn’t mind sacrificing his own emotions for Tenko.
If Tenko was conscious, he would be able to clear the critical thoughts that Natsuo had, with softly peppered kisses and comments, but he wasn’t. Even though he had only passed out because of his condition, Natsuo’s medical mindset urged him to check on him. Mentally listing every invisible condition that Tenko could have, Natsuo sighed. The once blinding sunlight that both lovers appreciated had turned to a dim dusk as dark blue and purple whisps began to paint the sky.
Bidding Toga and Twice goodbye with the permission to stop by his apartment to check up on Tenko, Natsuo closed the door and slid his back against it. Sitting against the door, he buried his head in his hands. Tenko was safe. He was in his house and under his care. It was as safe as he could be without getting professional help from a doctor with a license, anyways. But he couldn’t help feeling worried. As if a premonition that he didn’t have would occur, and it would be terrible.
Sitting in his hallway, the moon highlighting his face, Natsuo begrudgingly stood up to check on Tenko. It was oddly reminiscent of his previous night, his mind clouded with doubt and worry as he stayed unable to rest. Now, however, Natsuo had a reason to stay awake. While his worry for Tenko’s life had been resolved, new doubts formed about his abilities to safe Tenko and his safety. Shaking his head, Natsuo placed a thin blanket over his lover before gently kissing his forehead. Unable to sleep so far away from him, Natsuo resided to a chair next to Tenko, aimlessly scrolling on his phone as he awaited the declaration of Endeavor’s death before inevitably falling asleep. As exhaustion took over Natsuo, he felt the slightest hint of hope that Tenko would be okay. That he would be okay. That they would be okay.
Waking up, Natsuo felt refreshed. His mind was clear, his life seemed carefree, and his freedom had finally been handed to him. Groggily rubbing his eyes, Natsuo stared at the lump that was Tenko. Even unintentionally, Tenko always seemed to look like a cat. It was quite endearing. In the back of his mind, a whispered desire of a life with Tenko bounced around Natsuo’s head. A life where villainy was the afterthought, and Tenko was able to hold Natsuo in his arms for as long as he pleased. A life where they had two cats that they would name after some cheesy tv show that they watch every night during dinner and give little personalities to. A life where they put each other first and the world second.
A paradise.
A dream.
Reaching out to Tenko, Natsuo placed a kiss on his forehead again. A routine that he promised he would do until Tenko was able to kiss him back- fully safe and healthy. It was only after he had snapped out of his daydream about their future that he noticed that Tenko felt different. Cold. Tenko felt cold. The striking realization slowly set in as Natsuo scrambled to grab Tenko’s hand. It felt…lifeless. As if all the energy he once had was gone. It was if he had disappeared. He was right in front of Natsuo but felt like he was worlds away. It felt like he was in a different dimension- one of life and death.
Grasping his hand, clenching it and digging his nails into the cracked surface of Tenko’s skin, Natsuo fell to the floor. It might’ve been shock, it might’ve been grief. But he simply sat next to Tenko. Nothing was said, no revelation was uncovered. Natsuo simply knew. It was a simple conclusion that he came to, yet it tore him apart. A medical student knew how to handle death. It was a gruesome and continuous part of his future job. Professors and interns warned him, told him how to deal with it. But Natsuo was not a medical student at the moment. He was Natsuo Todoroki- and his lover had just died.
A loud wail was emitted from Natsuo, and it seemed as if the whole world had heard. A deafening silence filled Japan as they all seemed to mourn. The city mourned Endeavor, but Natsuo mourned Endeavor’s executioner. Natsuo had never been so grief-stricken before. Maybe because he was never allowed to be. But now, all alone, Natsuo was left to himself. No rules dictated how he could act anymore, and so he simply sobbed.
He grieved for Touya, a brother taken from him so young. He grieved for Fuyumi, and the person she had turned out to be. He grieved for Shouto, and the childhood he was robbed from. He grieved for his mother, who would remain blissfully unaware of her husband’s death. He grieved for himself, knowing that Tenko’s death was ultimately his own as well. His father, his abuser, the monster that ruined all aspects of what he called his family, had died. And Tenko had killed him. In the end, it was the worst mistake Tenko had ever made. He had killed the man who ruined Natsuo’s life, yes, but with the cost of his life being traded away for Natsuo’s happiness, there was no reward. Without Tenko, there was no semblance of happiness that Natsuo would be able to experience ever again.
Animalistic sounds that didn’t seem human were screamed, and Natsuo didn’t care if his neighbors would hear. He didn’t care if the entire city heard him. He didn’t care if the entire country heard him. His love, his comfort, his will to life- had all disappeared. It was in front of him, but so far away.
Never once letting go of Tenko, Natsuo held onto what used to be real. He held on to the memories that they both used to share, now only being remembered by one. Tears dissolved, and so did Natsuo. He sat against the couch, unmoving for the entire day. Forgetting hunger, work, or anything that he would’ve-should’ve- cared about, Natsuo knew that the Tenko would always be more important than it. In life or death.
The loss of what felt like his other half rivaled any prior pain he had ever experienced, any numbness that used to block out his emotions. It felt as if his heart and mind had been ripped out, torn to shreds, and dropped to the ground. He would never be able to put his heart back. He would never be able to fix it either. He would leave it on the floor with the dead, unbeating heart of Tenko that was hidden inside his slowly decaying flesh.
And so, Natsuo’s grief overtook him. Never once standing up or thinking, he held the lifeless hand of his lover and kissed it. Something that used to have meaning. Something that had a promise. Natsuo wondered where he went wrong. Was it the bandages? A wound he didn’t see? Was his death painless? In vain? Was Tenko able to die with the reassurance that he had defeated Natsuo’s enemy? Did that even matter? Perhaps it wasn’t his fault. Maybe it was an internal wound or brain injury that Natsuo couldn’t have possibly seen.
No matter the cause, Natsuo hoped that Tenko forgave him. He wished and prayed that Tenko still loved him, even after all his mistakes. Even after killing him. It was wishful thinking, but in the end, it didn’t matter. The dead don’t weep. But more importantly, the dead don’t forgive. And Natsuo knew that.
Touching Tenko, clutching him as he tried to find any semblance of life, of hope, Natsuo was reminded of a funeral he had attended as a child. One of his mother’s friends, or relatives, he couldn’t remember. It was an insignificant moment to him, as he didn’t have any connection to them. The only important part that he remembered was being taken out for ice cream afterwards. His mother had convinced Endeavor to bring all four of them to the funeral, and while it was a terrible memory, it was one of the only times he was with his entire family. Not that it mattered anyways. Or lasted.
Although, he did recall touching them. A simple touch of their hand as he tried to look upset to fit in the somber atmosphere. It felt fake. Their skin. Their hand. It felt as if it had been preserved in time, almost rubber-like. Feeling Tenko now, Natsuo made the connection. He was holding a dead man. And that man would never be able to hold him back.
It was many hours later that Toga and Twice returned. By that time, the promising rise of the sun and it’s bright light had long died, and the pink hues that streamed into the room marked the death of the Sun. In the morning, the Sun and Tenko were alive. The Sun would return. Tenko would not.
Natsuo didn’t move to greet them or allow them in. He didn’t quite know how they got in, anyway. He didn’t care enough to notice. He couldn’t find the strength to hear the gasp and sob that left the two once they noticed Tenko’s state. He wasn’t present when they shook his body frantically, babbling about the future without him. Natsuo, however, knew that there was no future for him without Tenko. He just hoped Tenko felt the same about him.
Natsuo was dazed when Toga called the rest of the League to his apartment. He didn’t hear them file in or feel the members softly touch Tenko’s body as they tried to accept his passing. Natsuo only stopped sulking when he heard a voice. The voice. That stupid, insufferable, ear-grating voice that stopped him from helping Tenko. The voice that carelessly killed Tenko.
Looking up, his eyes trailed up a man who was covered in purple skin. Scars? Burnt flesh? Rotting flesh? Natsuo didn’t have the energy to wonder or ask. He did have enough energy to feel anger towards what singlehandedly ruined Tenko’s chance of survival, though. Unleashing it was easy, he had always lashed out whenever he felt strong emotions. This was different. It was powered by love, loss, and grief. It was channeled with raw emotions and plagued with guilt. And it was so easy to express. Screaming at the man who he now knew was called Dabi, Natsuo sat on the floor and yelled louder than he ever had. Tears began to stream down his face again, but Natsuo couldn’t find himself to give a fuck.
“Are you fucking stupid?” He tried to keep his voice level, as to not show the cracks in his own self. Yet, he could hear the pure anger and despair within himself. “Who incorrectly follows a medical professionals instructions? They were so easy and you fucked it up!” Natsuo’s voice grew tired, tears covering his cheeks as he tried to gain his composure. So much for being civil. He felt everyone looking at him, as if he was the one in the wrong. Natsuo began to be glad that Tenko never properly introduced him to the League, because he was sure that he would’ve have Tenko fire all of them a while ago.
“Woah, calm down lover boy. I tried to follow your instructions but we don’t exactly have the supplies to help him…” He trailed off, smirking at Natsuo’s obvious pain and anger.
The audacity and insensitive attitude that he had pushed Natsuo to his breaking point. He didn’t scream, but spoke softly that he wasn’t even sure that the man heard it. “You could’ve let me help him. You should’ve let me help him! Your paranoia and inability to understand when you need to stop controlling a situation is the reason your boss is dead. You’re the reason my boyfriend is gone! I hate you, Dabi. You’ve ruined my life. You ruined everything,” Natsuo’s voice broke off, whimpering the last line before wiping his eyes and continuing, unaware of the way Dabi’s eyes widened when hearing about their relationship.
“Just fucking go! Go be an asshole somewhere else! You obviously don’t care about Tenko! Did you just come here to humor me? You’re a sick fuck, you know that? I wish Endeavor killed you in that stupid fight instead!”
Dabi, despite his careless demeanor, seemed stricken from Natsuo’s last statement. Natsuo didn’t care or notice, holding his lover’s hand tighter as he listened to Dabi’s steps softly walk into the distance. Before the door slammed shut, a final anger-filled comment was made, “You are just like your father, Natsuo Todoroki. I saw the way he died, he never stopped fighting. He was angry until his death. You, however, have one striking difference. You’re too weak to fight the way he did.”
A tense atmosphere settled amongst the other members who were still present, as everyone began to realize who Natsuo was and who he had connections with. Natsuo was used to the stares and questions, having been bombarded by them all his life, but when having his relationship with Endeavor exposed to villains, it felt different. There was no star-struck eyes, but a feeling that he could only describe and feel as pity. Natsuo hated it. Not only did they think he was hysterical, but they also thought he was a helpless child of abuse. Unable to dwell on the League’s perception of himself, the tension began to quickly dissipate once Toga broke the silence to change the subject.
“We’re so sorry, Natsuo. We tried to save him, I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.” Toga apologized.
“It’s okay. This isn’t your fault,” Natsuo spat. “Thank you for caring enough to bring him here.”
“I just- I don’t know if this is rude, but…you were- uh, boyfriends? With Shigaraki?”
Sighing, Natsuo gently smiled, looking up at Toga. “Yeah. We were.”
Ignoring the inquiring stare of who he presumed to be Compress, Natsuo looked down into his lap. “I guess he never told you about me, huh?” He laughed humorously.
“Well, he…mentioned you. Once. When he called you. He was bleeding out and told us you would help. We just assumed that you were an acquaintance, but now we know better…” Toga hesitantly phrased her wording, as if she was worried that bringing up their newly deceased friend and lover would be too sensitive for Natsuo.
Natsuo once again became aware of how he looked. His position. They all saw him as a fragile man who couldn’t handle the death of his partner. He felt small and undermined. For the first time in his life, he didn’t feel anger like his father, he felt like his mother. Incapable to do anything without feeling threatened; helpless. Reminded of his mother’s reaction to Touya’s death, Natsuo realized that he was more similar to her than he thought. In more depressing ways than he’d like to admit. Although, he supposed, he did inevitably get the worst traits from both his parents.
“I don’t care. I mean- It doesn’t matter. He didn’t want me to meet you guys anyways. Something about being unsafe… I don’t really know. I’m thankful you were able to bring him here before he died. He was really important to me.” He admitted, slouching in on himself even further.
“It was the least we could do, Natsuo.” With that final statement, the League all walked out. Touching Tenko as if it were his funeral, something Natsuo was reminded of for the second time that day, they seemed to give their final goodbyes.
As Toga closed the door, she paused in her steps. “One last thing, Natsuo. Where will you bury him?”
__________
Natsuo had never been truly happy.
Well, more specifically, his happiness never lasted. He was happy. For a while. For every second during their relationship, Natsuo was the happiest he had ever been. All good things must come to an end, yes, but death was a cruel thing. It was a thief, a robber of love. Nobody deserved that ending. Alas, Tenko suffered that fate. Natsuo wonders why he was the one Death decided to take, but knowing that Death and Love are pure enemies, he concluded that their relationship was simply too strong. It balanced out the good and evil of both men, and so Death had to separate them. That’s how he reassured himself, and he didn’t care enough to decide whether it was actually true.
It was sunny. Too sunny. It wasn’t a comforting or warm presence, but a blinding light that hurt Natsuo. In a way, nothing could sum up Tenko more than that. He was the Sun. A blinding presence- a beacon of hope. While so many saw him as evil, Natsuo knew better. He knew that under all of the crimes and murders committed, there was a scared little kid. A kid who had been fucked over by society. A kid who Natsuo could relate to. A bit too much, he supposed.
Either way, Natsuo ignored the sun. He was about to be in the shade anyways, so he looked down to shield his eyes. It seemed that everything reminded him of Tenko these days. Perhaps that how his mother felt, all those years ago. When she was first locked up away from her family, left to mourn by herself, did she cry? Was she reminded of her children? Did she mourn the rest of them, the afterthought children, or just the two she was scared of?
Pushing away irrelevant thoughts, Natsuo finally reached the top of the hill, sitting down in front of the willow tree. The first place where Natsuo felt truly loved. The first place where his love had been expressed. The first and last place where he was hurt by such emotions. Their love was messy. Natsuo would admit, it was uncoordinated and inexperienced. But it was theirs. And it was taken away from him. Oh, how he would do anything to have it back.
A grave stared back at him, and Natsuo wondered how long it would take to decay. He hoped it wouldn’t be soon. He hoped that nobody found the grave and discovered that it was Tenko. He hoped that Tenko’s body would be respected until all that is left are his bones.
Natsuo traced the letters delicately, softly echoing every word in a whisper. “Tenko Shimura, devoted friend, companion, and lover. May he rest in eternal peace.”
Underneath him, Tenko’s restful body lay. It was a bit unnerving to know that, but Natsuo supposed that it was the same way for all graves. He never thought it would be so personal. He reflected on his last moment with Tenko. Despite his hatred for the League, he was appreciative that Tenko was able to reunite with him in his last moments.
If Tenko was left to die in the base of the League, Natsuo would’ve felt incomplete. While he did still feel as if his other half was missing, Natsuo was glad that his last words with Tenko weren’t over the phone. He was glad he had closure. As ironic as it was, Tenko’s last words were one of the phrases that he cherished, even before his death.
‘Anything for you, Natsu.’
That sickenly sweet nickname. The loving gaze before he drifted off to sleep. His last sleep- or more so, his final sleep. His eternal rest. Natsuo liked to think that he died happy. That’s what he told himself to stay sane. In reality, Natsuo didn’t know. All he was sure of was that Tenko was completely truthful when he told him he would destroy the world for him. Natsuo never knew that it meant destroying himself too. He was Natsuo’s world, and while he completed his goal, he ruined what he wanted to perfect- Natsuo’s happiness.
Sighing, Natsuo lay under the willow tree. Nothing had changed. The foliage of colors, the flowers swaying in the breeze. The tender wave of the tree’s branches. Everything was as it was the first day Tenko and Natsuo first arrived. Perfect. The second time the couple visited the field, it was with Natsuo dragging a body. It ended with only one person leaving, the other left to forever rest under the willow tree. This final time, however, both lovers would be together. Forever. Resting his head for the final time, Natsuo knew that he would be at peace. Tenko was watching over him, and soon enough, they would watch over each other. Together. Forever reunited.
Natsuo wondered if the League would ever find them. Two peacefully sleeping lovers, torn apart by the cruelest fate of all- time. He wondered if Dabi felt remorse. He wondered if Shouto or Fuyumi would worry about where he went. He wondered if his mother even knew of his disappearance. He wondered how the world would continue on with one less person fighting against the corrupt hero society. Although, he supposed, the world always did continue. With or without him. This time, he just wouldn’t be able to see it.
And so, for the final time, Natsuo breathed in the pollinated air and smiled. He hadn’t smiled in a while. When he saw Tenko again, he knew he would smile, genuinely. He couldn’t wait.
Staring up at the willow tree, watching the gaps of sunlight filter through its leaves as it seemed to wave its last goodbye, Natsuo whispered his goodbyes as well. With his final breath, Natsuo returned the promise that was given to him.
“Till Death do us part, Tenko.”
Love was a fickle thing. It was forever fleeting, and absurdly unfair. Natsuo was lucky to catch but a glimpse of it. There was no winning in the game of love. That, in truth, is the real cruelty. Death simply provides an escape from the never ending chase for love. The timing of it’s provided escape is never perfect, and Natsuo knew that.
Unlike Love, however, Death was merciful. It was beautiful in its own way, and with an outstretched hand, it offered it’s mercy. Natsuo accepted it dutifully. This time, conveniently, Death’s timing was perfect. Walking hand in hand with Death, Natsuo closed his eyes with the reassurance that when he opened them, he would see what he had longed for all his life- his home.
Looking down upon the two, one buried and the other resting above, one might see the scene as pitiful. Love saw it as beautiful. In time, both bodies would decompose. Nature would run it’s course. It always did. In time, flowers would grow around Natsuo. And he would let them. Into his eyes, nose, and body, he would be encased. With nobody to leave flowers where Natsuo once did to Tenko, Nature respectfully gave him his own. Similar to ancient ruins, a once beautiful sight was returned to Nature’s beauty. It was changed, but still had a metaphorical beauty that was truly art. Unlike ruins, nobody would see such a scene. Such beauty was left untouched, able to flourish without disruptions. As Nature covered such a scene, he was able to feel truly at home in the place they once escaped to together, knowing that they would be together again soon, this time with no need to escape.