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Jenna worriedly looked around. Lunch break was over and Peter still wasn't back. It wasn't his habit to not turn up for lunch, especially when catering included French fries and he had not mentioned having lunch somewhere else. Jenna knew he would tell her and she also knew that he would always be on time for filming or even ten minutes earlier, so she knew something was wrong. She decided to knock at his trailer, but no answer came. "Could you try to call him?" Steven [Moffat] asked her, looking at his watch. Jenna took out her phone and dialled his number. "Peter Capaldi speaking, I'm probably busy or I forgot my phone at home. Leave me a message and I promise I'll call you back." his voice sounded on the other end of the line. Jenna shook her head, "I think it's turned off or something, it immediately goes to voice mail." Nearly 45 minutes after break, Peter wandered onto the set as if he was just taking a stroll in the forest and suddenly walked into a cave dweller's home. He looked around in mild surprise, as if he had walked onto the set by accident. “We were dead worried!” Jenna shouted at him. A big smile appeared on Peter’s mouth, but Jenna noticed his nose didn’t wrinkle and the usual lines around his eyes which she loved so much didn’t appear. In fact, his eyes looked rather bloodshot, like he had been crying for a whole night. His trousers were also full of grass. Even though he was there, his presence didn’t make Jenna feel comfortable at all. "I'm so sorry," he announced, "lost track of time." Jenna eyed him suspiciously, she could smell from a hundred miles something was up. They might had only been working together for a month, living with him every day and night you get to know each other. "Why are you full of grass?" she asked, folding her arms. "Oh, found a lovely spot a bit further away, I'll take you there tomorrow, I'm sure you'll love it as well," his empty smile still on his face. "Steven, can I have a word with you after filming's done?" Peter's mouth twitched saying it, but he quickly fixed that horrible smile again. "Sure, w-" Steven started, but he got interrupted by Jenna's stern voice: "I want a word with you now, Peter." Peter's smile fell off immediately and he hung his shoulders as well. Although it's a horrible sight, seeing the always-cheery Peter Capaldi so down, it comforted her that he was honest and took off the mask, telling her that indeed, something was wrong. She looked at Steven, who scratched his chin, "but we're already behind..." Jenna 'inflated' her eyes, making her look like Bambi, and Steven couldn’t resist. He must know that something was up as well. "Okay, fine," he sighed.
Together she and Peter walked away from the set, that is built in the middle of a forest for occasion and now she was alone with Peter she dropped her stern behaviour. She just wanted to make clear that she didn't want anyone to contradict her because Peter was more important than the show. "Take me to your lovely place," she said softly, taking his arm. "Okay," his voice sounded weak and it broke Jenna's heart. They walked in silence until Peter stopped at a fence with a gate. He opened the gate and let Jenna in first. She gasped and looked at Peter, who was smiling a little. It was not much, but at least the cute lines around his eyes appeared a bit, which warmed her heart. They found themselves in a big field of unkempt grass, with in the middle a pond surrounded by hundreds of different flowers. It was beautiful. Peter sat himself in the grass again and Jenna sat next to him, admiring how his hands pulled out pieces of grass like a little child. "You don't have to tell me what's wrong if you don't want to, but please don't tell me you're fine because I know you're not. Just tell me if there's anything I can do." Peter looked her right in the eyes, sending shivers down her spine. He swallowed and spoke softly, almost in a whisper: "I'll just stop after the one." Jenna felt her mouth fell open. "But - you love being the Doctor, you can't just stop after one season!" Peter shrugged. "What happened?" she asked softly while taking his hand. He sighed and took his phone with his other. "The new costume was revealed yesterday," he replied, almost inaudible, and he showed her a Facebook post, "read the comments."
"Peter Capaldi is too old to be the Doctor"
"I want Matt back!"
"I'm going to stop watching the show"
"This is disgusting"
Jenna felt her heart break yet again. "This is horrible," she whispered looking at him, seeing that his lip was trembling. "Oh no, Peter, don't do that," she added, feeling a lump coming up in her throat. "These are just a bunch of horrible people, they're not Whovians, they're teenage girls who watched Doctor Who because of Matt Smith." Peter shrugged and Jenna saw his eyes filling with tears, causing her own to start prickling as well. "You're an amazing Doctor," she said in a small voice, squeezing his hand softly, "they haven't seen you perform yet, you'll see, they will grow on you," she tried to comfort him, drawing small circles on his hand with her thumb. She forced herself to look at him and to give him a smile, even though she felt like shit. His eyes were closed and he pursed his lips, but Jenna could see he was breathing heavier. She had no idea how to cheer him up or how to talk this stupid idea of stopping out of his head. She knew he would regret it later - it was his childhood dream to become the Doctor. She let go of his hand to place her arm around his shoulders. With her other hand she fiddled with his phone she was still holding. She knew there were people out there who were mad for Peter, but how would she find them? She checked Twitter, finding what she was looking for quite easily - there were more people who loved Peter Capaldi than hated him. Those were just a minority of dickheads. "Read these," she said, handing him the phone. "I don't want to," he answered stubbornly. She looked up to see him staring in the distance, his eyes still shining with tears. "Seriously," she spoke softly. Reluctantly he took the phone and looked at the little screen.
"Peter Capaldi will be amazing. #doctorwho"
"I can't wait for #doctorwho series 8"
"#doctorwho august needs to come soon"
"Peter Capaldi is cute, can't wait for his doctor #doctorwho."
Jenna looked at his face as he read the comments. As he blinked, a small tear fell from his eye. "Jenna, they just like me because I'm the doctor." As his voice broke on the word 'doctor' she couldn't hold it any longer - a few tears fell from her eyes and she rested her head on his arm. "Don't be so stupid," she sobbed. She hated herself for breaking now Peter needed her but she couldn't cope with him being sad. "I'm so sorry," he said and he stood up. "Where are you going?" she shouted. He walked around the pond for a bit, admiring the flowers and then sat down again - away from Jenna. She decided to leave him for a moment as she fell backwards into the grass. What could she say or do to make him feel better again? She looked at his back - which was now shaking softly. Jenna took a deep breath and stood up. She walked over to him and carefully placed her hand on his shoulder. She knew Peter was sensitive, but she hadn't expected some stupid trolls on the internet would hurt him so much. He didn't react on her touch, which she thought was a good thing so she sat next to him, moving the hand on his shoulder to his hand, grabbing it and giving it a short squeeze. "Isn't that the point," she asked, "that people like you as the Doctor?" Peter took a shuddering breath. "No, they love me because I'm the Doctor," he said faintly. "Now I'm sure that's not true," Jenna replied, "there are a bunch of people who have watched your career since Local Hero, I bet they even know the words to 'Bela Lugosi's Birthday' and who are now glad that you finally got the role you always wanted. There are people who are inspired by the work you do for charity, people who love you because you never gave up on your dreams, don't let some stupid trolls get you down again Peter, never." As she looked at him a thin smile was on his lips. "How do you know that?" he asked, a little unsure. "You have to look out for the right people on the internet," she simply responded with a shrug of her shoulders. "I've read horrible stuff as well, but it's no match for the wonderful stuff people write. But Peter, please promise me to never look on the internet again, okay?" Peter smiled the most fabulous smile Jenna had ever seen: his lips almost went from ear to ear, every tooth visible. His nose wrinkled and his laughing lines appeared, harder than ever. 'Too old to be the Doctor?' Jenna thought, admiring his smile, and how he literally looked like a five year old to whom Christmas had come early, 'Never.'