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Benedict Bridgerton had never thought himself a jealous man, but over the last few days, he was starting to think that perhaps he was wrong.
Before the last few days, he had felt jealousy only once before in his life. It had been the day he had met her … he had seen the way men flocked to her, the happiness on her face and he had wanted that for himself. He coveted it. But then she had left… and he had been left alone and that feeling of jealousy never came back…
As a child he had never been jealous of his brother’s title, he had never wanted it. He had never wanted anything other than to be his own person. He had never been jealous of his siblings, of his friends… and even at the Royal Academy, for a period hadn’t felt jealous but even when he had found out that his seat at the table had been bought, he hadn’t felt jealousy of the people that belonged. He had felt despondent, a fraud… and it was why he left.
But now, as he leaned on the doorframe of his mother’s drawing-room at Number 5 and he watched Sophie smiling and talking with one of the footmen, he felt a strange bubble of something simmering away inside him and he wanted to go over to Sophie, drag her away from the man she was talking to.
It hadn't been the first time he had felt this way since he had brought Sophie to his mother’s. The day after they arrived, he had seen Sophie later after breakfast with the same footman, he was tall, shorter than Benedict but he was still tall, and youngish. A bit younger than he was himself. They had been laughing as the man had leaned down and whispered something to Sophie which had made her burst out laughing. Rage and a simmering tension seemed to boil up inside him and how he had not strangled the wretched man he would never know… though he had assumed it was just because Sophie was new…
But now a week later… They were still standing together, talking and laughing and it hurt Benedict more than he wanted to admit. Sophie was his. He knew it in his soul that they belonged together, that she should be his… but she was being so stubborn about accepting that fact.
The footman said something to Sophie and she giggled. Giggled… and something snapped, Benedict coughed clearing his throat and the pair jumped. “Mr Bridgerton” the footman stammered as he bowed his head and Sophie just looked at him, she did bob a curtsey as was custom but Benedict had a feeling she was seeing straight through him and judging him for it. “My mother and sister are making their way to the carriage,” he said to the footman.
The footman bopped his head “I shall head straight off” he said
Sophie placed a hand on his arm, something that made Benedict’s jaw twitch, something Sophie did notice and she narrowed her eyes momentarily before turning to the footman “we can continue this when you return later John. The girls are out tonight and I know the cook is making them shortbreads today, I will ask her to keep the bits off for you” she said sweetly.
Benedict wanted to strangle them both when John smiled brightly at her and ran from the room with a stupid grin on his face and Sophie turned to look at him “what is your problem?” she said to him, her tone totally not acceptable for that of a servant but something rattled at her about his presence, about the way he had interrupted them.
“Nothing, I know Eloise and my mother are getting ready to leave is all and as the footman, he needs to have the carriage ready,” Benedict said innocently, trying to give her his best-lopsided smirk feeling very pleased with himself.
“Mr Bridgerton…” Sophie sighed
“Benedict…” he corrected her
She sighed, ignoring him “I know for a fact Eloise is already out… so you just… you need to stop,” she said, shaking her head “this is not going to happen… I will not. I cannot…” she said in a hushed voice.
Benedict went to reply but they heard Mrs Wilson calling for Sophie and Sophie just turned her back on Benedict and ran off up the stairs.
~*~
The next time Benedict saw Sophie with John, it was after their kiss in the garden. He knew she wanted him, it was only a matter of time but he saw Sophie standing at the back door, near the carriage entrance once again engaged in a conversation with the footman. He had shown her something and she was gushing over and beaming at him.
“Oh John it’s beautiful” Benedict heard Sophie saying and he missed the next part of her sentence with the way his brain was spitting and hissing and demanding that he go over and punch the footman.
John seemed to sense someone was watching and turned and froze when he saw Benedict there “Mr Bridgerton, begging your pardon. I did not see you there,” he said bowing his head respectfully.
Sophie flushed furiously, it was the first time she had seen Benedict since their kiss in the garden and Benedict felt pride as he seemed to discombobulate her and he wasn’t even that close. “It is, no matter, I was looking for erm… Miss Beckett. My sister requires your attention” he said.
Sophie looked immediately suspicious and narrowed her eyes “ which sister?” she asked. John looked at her with a confused expression, wondering why she was speaking to their employer's son so frankly.
Benedict had to think fast. He knew Eloise was out and he had no idea about Francesca, which left “Hyacinth”
“Funny, she was with her governess this morning,” Sophie said amused.
“She was, that is to say, she is but she requires your assistance with her French,” he said feeling himself flush furiously at the lie, he should have not tried to lure Sophie away with his sister… this was going to bite him…
Sophie pursed her lips and turned to John “to be continued” she said and stalked past Benedict and hissed “I am on to you”
The footman just looked bemused.
~*~
This was getting ridiculous, Benedict thought to himself. He knew that Sophie was a beautiful woman. That the odds of him being the only man to notice how beautiful she was were not in his favour but he hated, hated the way the male servants all seemed to ogle at her.
It only seemed to be worse when Kate or Anthony were visiting and they had Edmund and Miles with her. Sophie with a child, watching her with his nephews… well he was powerless to resist but he had a feeling he was not the only one.
When Kate and her nurse arrived, Benedict was sure there were more male staff here, watching as Sophie held Edmund and his brother’s nurse held Miles. He frowned as he looked at the way the men were practically panting as they looked at the two women. It was disgusting, and yes he was willing to ignore the fact that he was practically staring at Sophie as well, in much the same way but given he knew the depth of his feelings for the woman, he didn’t think it was as creepy.
He watched Sophie with his nephew, chattering away to him as they stood in the hallway, Edmund babbling excitedly back about something and nothing. Benedict could pick out words that his nephew was saying but he was just so happy watching and wondering what Sophie would be like as a mother that he didn’t realise that John the footman had returned and he was watching the two women with much the same expression as he was looking at Sophie and he once again felt his blood boil. He was the only one who could look at Sophie that way.
He bristled, Kate was still not in from the carriage as she was bringing some of his mother’s favourite books and she was giving directions for the trunks to be brought in whilst her children were in safe hands and Benedict decided he needed to clear the way, otherwise one of these days he was going to snap and honestly, he wasn’t sure what he would do.
The jealous monster that reared its head around Sophie was screaming for justice, for blood and heads… he wanted to pick her up and carry her off somewhere and lock her away, preferably in his bedroom and not let any other man ever look at her.
He wanted her to himself.
It did not occur to him at this point, that it was part of the reason she did not want to be his mistress. He didn’t want to share her… but he was willing to share himself with her and another… when he looked back at his moment in years to come, he would kick himself. He could have saved them both a world of pain and misunderstanding by doing so.
“Miss Beckett, Miss Lily, allow me to lead you both into the drawing-room, I believe Lady Bridgerton will be in soon and we do not want Master Edmund and Miles to get sick in the cold,” he said as he noticed John the Footman about to approach the two women.
Sophie glared at Benedict but as Edmund made an excited noise about seeing his Uncle, it was drowned out and as Benedict placed his hand on the lower part of Sophie’s back, and steered the two women into the drawing-room, he shot a glare at the men and bark of “do you not have jobs to be doing!” and he felt strangely satisfied when he saw the dejected look of John’s face as Sophie and Lily disappeared.
~*~
Benedict knew coming back here was a mistake. He had not been given much choice by his mother when he was summoned but after finally thinking he was going to get Sophie, that she was going to be his, she had broken his heart and ran out of the house.
He didn’t want to see her, he didn’t want to see anything or anyone that would remind him of her.
It had been a week and he knew his mother would be wondering why he stopped coming when he had been there every day for almost three weeks before it. He had been there to see Sophie, to try and convince her to come home with him.
He knew she was hiding something from him and he knew he was an ass for making the assumptions he had made… but it had been reasonable, they had made love there on his sofa. The one thing she had said she would never do, but apparently it was a one-time thing.
She had told him to find someone to marry, to leave her alone but even his mystery lady in silver didn’t mean that much to him anymore. All he wanted was Sophie, she was his sun, his moon and his stars. She was the air he breathed and lately, it felt like it was running out.
As he made his way to his mother’s, he wanted to avoid as many people as he could and decided to make his way through the back of the house as he got there and heard voices, he really wished he had not come this way into the house.
Sophie…
But she wasn’t alone, she was with him…Benedict knew he should leave but he felt rooted to the spot, that green-eyed monster rearing its head again. Benedict would have laughed at the irony of it being a green-eyed monster when it was a green-eyed goddess that was turning him into this monster…
“Sophie, it is not right, I do not like seeing you so sad like this… please. Let me help you” John said as he took a seat next to Sophie.
Sophie shook her head and patted John’s hand… his hand . Benedict nearly threw up. “I am fine John, you need not worry about me,” she said with a smile
“I can’t help but worry about you, Sophie. I care for you and after what happened… I want to be here for you” he said softly and Benedict honestly thought his head or his heart was going to explode. He didn’t know which but honestly, the thought of Sophie with another man, knowing what he knew, knowing how she felt, how she tasted when their lips met…
She had said she loved him… she had… he remembered that much. Would she throw over her love for him to marry, to marry this man… honestly, Benedict had to get away.
“John I know you do but you need not. Honestly, I am fine, I will be okay… I just… I need a few days and it will be fine, like nothing had ever happened, like nothing passed between us” she said sadly.
Benedict by some miracle managed to get away before he heard any more of the conversation, it was heartbreaking as his mind went through a million and one different scenarios, each one making him feel sicker and sicker. He reached for the bottle of Brandy in his office and drank himself into a stupor until he could remember nothing… not the taste of her lips, not the feel of her beneath him, not even his own name.
~*~
This time he had no choice but to go to his mother’s, she had sent a scathing letter to him telling him under no uncertain terms that he was to attend the family meeting that afternoon. It was important and urgent.
It had taken him three days to drink himself into oblivion and he was not feeling wonderful as he pulled on his clothes, he had bathed, shaved and sorted himself out on the outside but on the inside, he was a mess.
He was jealous of the man that could be with Sophie, that was the right class for Sophie and that he had brought them together. He had no idea what had been shared between Sophie and the footman and he knew he shouldn’t care but as he had shared something passionate, something sensual and spiritual with Sophie… it was killing him.
He loved her. He knew that now, he loved her and there was not another woman, not even his mystery lady in silver, that would ever have his heart like Sophie did and it was killing him. He just wanted her.
He didn’t really care about anything else anymore.
After Colin had walked away and Anthony had taken Miss Featherington home, Benedict made his way up the steps into Number 5 and felt his heart sink as he went in.
Sophie was standing with John, his hands on her arms “Sophie, please, you need to look after yourself, you look much too pale, are you even sleeping?” he asked her.
Benedict pressed himself against the wall trying not to overhear or intervene. Sophie shook her head and Benedict felt his own heartbreak for her. “Sophie, you can’t do this anymore. You have to stop beating yourself up over it… it was just one night. Everyone is entitled to it. We are outside of society, no one judges us” John said and Sophie went to open her mouth but she saw Benedict.
His hat had fallen and landed on the floor and as he stooped to pick it up she spotted him, went white and ran off, not bothering to answer and Benedict was seeing red, his own anger raging as the jealous monster was now screaming that he should demand satisfaction, to defend Sophie’s honour “I do not think you should be talking as such where my sisters can hear you Mr Moore,” he snapped “especially of such topics!” the monster inside of him screaming and desperate to strangle the man.
“I am sorry Mr Bridgerton, I meant no offence but Miss Beckett is like a sister to me and I can’t bear to see her in such pain!” the footman said, all apologies as he looked contrite and sheepish.
“Wait… she’s… what?” Benedict said looking at the footman with palpable disbelief “I thought… You…”
“Gad no. She's a beautiful woman but no… and besides, I know how much she is in love with you…” John said with a blush “I beg your pardon for speaking in such a manner but Sophie has told me what transpired, I found her crying at the door the following morning, I had been out all night looking for her…” he said.
“But I thought… i… you and her?” Benedict said, flummoxed by the entire thing.
“Me and Sophie? No she’s been helping me with Lily… Lady Bridgerton’s nurse… I have been attempting to court her…” John said with a flush and suddenly it made sense… most of the men had been panting over Sophie, John hadn’t arrived until after Lily had… and it was her…
“Oh jesus…” Benedict groaned, his jealous monster had been jealous over nothing…
He knew he had to apologise to Sophie, to apologise to her for everything but then his mother called out… and the world seemed to shift…
Sophie wasn’t just Sophie… she was his Lady in Silver and a different set of emotions drove him from the house this time…
~*~
It was stupidly early when Benedict had re-woken that morning, Sophie tucked in his arms, beautiful and naked as she slumbered and as Benedict looked at the clock on his mantle he saw it was nearly 6am, and if he had any chance of saving his hide from his mother, he was going to have to have Sophie back at Number 5 by 7am.
He should have taken her back last night, he knew that, but he was too damned happy to have her, to know that she was his, that she was always going to be his.
It had been the conversation with his mother, and with John beforehand for Benedict to realise how much of an ass he had been. He had meant what he had said the night before, he would die before sharing Sophie, it was what had driven him to act like a madman over the last few weeks and he knew he probably owed her a thousand apologises but there was someone else.
Someone else that had been there for Sophie and been a friend to her when she needed one the most and Benedict had had a lot of unkind thoughts towards him.
He would make it up to Sophie in time, she was going to be his wife but right now, he needed to get her some clothes and he had forgotten to send some of his staff over the night before to get her a new dress. She could not put the one back on when she had arrived, it smelt like sewers and he did vaguely remember giving the staff orders to burn it.
He donned his clothing quickly, he figured he could sneak over to his mother's to grab a dress for Sophie and sneak back before Sophie woke up. They had been rather energetic the second and third time around that night so she would sleep a little longer, as he made his way through the house and out of his front door, he saw someone walking towards him, or at least his home and froze.
They were too tall to be his mother and the gait was distinctly male… and as they got closer through the morning fog he saw who it was…
“Mr Bridgerton, i didn’t expect you to be up and about” John said with a bop of his head and a small smile.
“I was erm… just on my way to my mothers for erm…” Benedict stammered, wondering what the hell to say.
“Get clothes for Sophie?” John said with a chuckle he knew should have gotten him in trouble but given the situation.
“How?” he blinked.
“Well Lady Bridgerton came back with a Miss Reiling, didn’t explain much but within about 20 minutes the maids knew, one of them had heard Lady Penwood screaming to pack the house up and one had heard about Sophie being in Jail… and given that Lady Bridgerton and Miss Reiling both had baths last night after just a few hours… I assumed…” John said, holding up the dress.
“AH right thank you” Benedict said, taking the bundle of fabric from the man. “I erm.. I owe you an apology” Benedict said
John shook his head “it’s fine Mr Bridgerton, just… take care of Sophie, she is precious gem, she’s got a good heart and deserves a good man and anyone who gets that jealous over a friend and rushes off to jail to save her like that… is a good man” John said.
Benedict wanted to deny his jealous but he felt his cheeks go red and he just smiled “you are very observant” he said
“No Mr Bridgerton, just the maids know everything” John said with a laugh as he walked off back to Number 5 and Benedict with a shake of his head made his way back.
He wondered if any of his siblings had realised this… or if it was just the staff. The staff wouldn’t say anything but his siblings… well he would never life that down.
But as it turned out, it didn’t matter that he had been a jealous monster over Sophie, the fact he had been blind to her true identity meant he had to endure a full family dinner with all that teasing instead and that was far far worse than being a jealous monster.