Work Text:
PROMPT:
The System is not merciful with Shen Qingqiu, and forces him to crossdress with Luo Binghe’s help to get some information on a special mission. Things go well at first and no one suspects that “the woman” that Shen Qingqiu has become is actually the Qing Jing Peak Lord. However, when Liu Qingge shows up, things start to get worse as Luo Binghe’s jealousy grows. On top of it, Shen Qingqiu has to dance with Liu Qingge! In a way, Luo Binghe ruins the mission a bit because of jealousy, causing Liu Qingge to discover that the beautiful woman he was dancing with is actually his shixiong dressed as one. It almost causes the plan to go to waste, and Shen Qingqiu with his thin face, cannot help but feel ashamed. (xSoulDespair)
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It’s been a few years since they have gotten married and started their happy ending.
Shen Qingqiu falls into the routine of juggling his duties as the Qing Jing peak lord, the protagonist’s royal consort, and getting into trouble with Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky.
He has to admit, it’s been fun and he’s happy. Luo Binghe is an incredibly doting husband, always willing to spoil him with attention and provide him everything he needs. He’s on good terms and even made friendships with the other peak lords at the sect. His disciples’ education is going well, and Ning Yingying and Ming Fan have both done a great job looking after the peak in his absence. So, yes, Shen Qingqiu is incredibly happy and living out his happily ever after with his friends and husband.
He’s presently in the demon realm helping his husband with some paperwork. Luo Binghe is always happy when his husband is in the Underground Palace with him. He uses this opportunity to dress his shizun in his colors of red and black with silver accents. The image of his shizun in green and white is divine, but there’s something to be said to see the immortal master in the colors of the demon emperor. Luo Binghe can’t seem to keep his hands off of the other man.
Shen Qingqiu is in the middle of responding to a correspondence and enjoying tea with his husband when the dreaded ding! of the System chimes out of nowhere. (luobingbao)
【The System would like to thank you for your continued patronage! The System would like to offer you a new deluxe extra story: The Sweet and Spicy Allure of a Mysterious Disguise! You will earn a base 100 B point reward for completing this mission, with the chance for bonus points! Take this mission: Yes/No?】
“You again?! Wasn’t I supposed to be done with missions years ago?!,” Shen Qingqiu berates the System internally, “And what is with that dumbass title - 'Sweet and Spicy'? The only thing I want described like that is Binghe's cooking! Refuse, absolutely refuse! No more missions!”
【Warning: 500 B Point Penalty will be applied for refusing this mission.】
“What the hell kind of bullshit is that?!” Shen Qingqiu mentally screams. “Again with the punishment being much more heavy than the reward! Don't even try blackmailing me like this - I've got enough B points to afford to turn down something stupid like this!”
The System pops up an additional window in response:【To answer your concerns regarding rewards, you can earn bonus points on this mission through- 】
Shen Qingqiu doesn’t even bother listening to the rest of the System’s explanation, mentally slamming the ‘close’ button with a righteous fury not unlike how he used to feel when posting his rants on PIDW’s latest chapters.
Or, at least he pressed what he thought was the ‘close’ button.
【Thank you for accepting this mission! Please wait as we prepare the ideal scenario for maximum user satisfaction!】
“You cheater!” Shen Qingqiu fumes internally. Taking advantage of quickly changing screens is a new low for the damned thing! (Ozihel)
Shen Qingqiu doesn’t have any choice anymore. No matter how pissed he is, he should get on with it and wait for further instructions. Stupid system, stupid missions, stupid novel! Happily ever after his ass!
Rightfully upset, Shen Qingqiu angrily drinks the delicious tea his husband perfectly brewed for them both. Luo Binghe, always carefully observing Shen Qingqiu - even when he has work to do, they came here for a reason, Binghe!
He obviously notices the subtle change in his husband’s mood. Quick to adapt, he doesn’t hesitate to abandon the paperwork to hug Shen Qingqiu from behind, not taking any of his Shizun’s weak and insincere protests seriously, clinging like he’s the one being unreasonable here.
Shen Qingqiu won’t admit just how great it feels when he doesn’t need to say a single word for Luo Binghe to take action. Because he’s definitely not the unreasonable one here, absolutely not! And Luo Binghe is his husband, of course Shen Qingqiu can only melt into this warm hug!
Anyway,
The day passes by more peacefully, Luo Binghe deciding not to leave Shen Qingqiu for even one second since the unwanted apparition of the system earlier. His careful care and attention almost manages to make Shen Qingqiu forget about any of this, when, a little bit before dinner, it shows up again.
【Ideal scenario ready! Would you like to see the details of the mission?】
Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes. Do I even have a choice? The answer is no. So, while Luo Binghe is cooking, Shen Qingqiu clicks to open the window of information available to him.
【Mission details: Infiltration alongside the protagonist. Dress as a wife to—】
Shen Qingqiu closes the window. (Bausse)
Luo Binghe seems to pick up on Shen Qingqiu’s dimming mood, because he once again asks after him, and it takes a bit before he’s able to convince the Demon Lord that nothing is truly wrong. And in some ways, he does feel better, being asked after like this, and he smiles at Luo Binghe—sincerely this time—causing his disciple to beam like the little puppy he is. So yeah, Shen Qingqiu really does feel better. At least until the System dings beside him again.
【User still needs to read the instructions.】
You’re not going to leave me alone until I do, are you? he thinks grumpily, eyes narrowed.
【Nope!】
So, with a sigh, Shen Qingqiu reads the instructions. And…well, they are horribly humiliating. But what exactly was he expecting?
It takes him a while before he manages to work up the courage to inform Luo Binghe of their new mission, barely specifying where the mission itself came from. To his surprise—and partly to his mortification—Luo Binghe actually seems excited by the mission, and it’s not long until Shen Qingqiu is staring down at a beautiful red and black ruqun embroidered with swallows (once again, Luo Binghe eagerly chooses to dress his husband in his own signature colors).
Shen Qingqiu can feel his eyebrow twitch. “Binghe…”
But when he looks up and sees those gentle, familiar puppy dog eyes, all protests die on his tongue, and he relents without even thinking—much to his later chagrin.
That is why he is currently standing here amongst countless other cultivators, the silk fabric of the ruqun bundled in his fists as his cheeks flare scarlet under his weimao. He’s lucky he got the veiled hat, even if he’s sure that steam is coming off his head, but if nothing else, Luo Binghe keeps him close, with a protective arm wrapped around his shoulder as they mingle. He’s relieved—it’s nice, being able to duck into the broad chest of his husband, and dressed as a woman, he feels less embarrassed about ducking at all.
Hell, as the night wears on and no one seems to suspect a thing, some of the tension actually slips from his shoulders. At the very least, he tells himself, we’re getting closer to this meeting of dodgy cultivators ending, and we’re getting good information on that one major sect, so I can finally take this outfit off soon. Everything’s going to be—
“Excuse me, xiaojie,” a cold voice suddenly sounds. “That man you’re with…is that Luo Binghe?”
—Fine. Shen Qingqiu turns around, his stomach sinking. Seeing who it is in front of him, he doesn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. Liu-juju, what the fuck are you doing here!? (kuku88)
He can't help the way he stutters as he grasps for something—anything to say. Of course Liu Qingge would show up unexpectedly on this mission. Just his luck.
He shoots a glance over to where Luo Binghe currently stands, and as expected, Luo Binghe immediately looks positively murderous as he watches them from afar.
Shen Qingqiu looks back at the man standing in front of him before finally finding his voice again. "That is indeed Luo Binghe, but we're not here together. He's simply accompanying me as a favor with permission from his husband!" He says in the most honied voice he can muster, carefully avoiding giving away any details of the mission. "Why does this one ask?" He continues as he extends his hand in a questioning manner, hoping to get to the point quickly so he can escape this awkward conversation and finish the task at hand.
Liu Qingge however, is blissfully unaware of the situation, and his next words take Shen Qingqiu by surprise. "Oh. That's good… in that case, xiaojie, do you care for a dance?"
Shen Qingqiu's mouth falls open in honest to God shock at the question. He can't control the reaction, and he can't help but secretly feel relieved that he's currently hiding behind a veil. "Oh? I…I'm..." He stutters out stupidly, but it comes off as flirtily curious and only seems to serve as further encouragement to Liu Qingge.
"What I mean," Liu Qingge starts again with renewed fervor, and Shen Qingqiu cringes internally as he watches a pink flush creep across Liu Qingge's face. "Is that it would be an honor to be graced with your hand for this dance."
He doesn't wait for an answer, taking Shen Qingqiu’s awkwardly positioned hand as a yes, and before Shen Qingqiu knows it, he's being pulled into Liu Qingge's broad, firm, chest.
Who would have thought that Liu Qingge would ever be so bold? He thinks to himself as he's tugged towards Liu Qingge fast enough that his hands fly towards that firm chest in an attempt to catch himself from tripping.
After quickly regaining his balance, he glances back towards his husband in a daze, and is unsurprised to find that Luo Binghe is radiating killing intent as he watches his husb—no, his wife, be unceremoniously manhandled by Bai Zhan Peak's most prominent name.
The killing intent flows in waves off his body, and in no time at all, everyone in Luo Binghe’s vicinity flees to other, safer parts of the of the venue.
Not ones to miss a potential lover's quarrel though, all the guest's eyes quickly lock onto Luo Binghe and the way he shoots daggers at the seemingly unsuspecting dancing couple.
"Isn't that Luo Binghe?" A man asks, in a hushed tone.
"I thought he was married to immortal Master Shen Qingqiu?"
"I knew it wouldn't last." Another voice snickers. "Shizun and disciple relationships of that type are unnatural. This was bound to happen." The man continues as the whispers all around him grow louder. (Shizunthirst)
Across the courtyard, Liu Qingge holds Shen Qingqiu’s fingertips with gentle hands, drawing him close and spinning both of them in elegant circles. Why is there regency-style ballroom dancing in xianxia China, ah?! Shen Qingqiu is convinced that the hack of an author Airplane must have been watching some kind of old British movie or perhaps Dancing with the Stars as he sees a couple in the periphery doing some kind of ridiculous ballroom twirl.
Liu Qingge is unexpectedly limber as he demonstrated some very fancy footwork, to Shen Qingqiu’s surprise. It’s times like these that Shen Qingqiu couldn’t be happier to be dressed in a ruqun, with its long embroidered hem hiding his feet as he pretended to do an awkward side-to-side shuffle. He was a shut in NEET in a past life, ok?! He has no idea how to dance, nor does he have the apparent skills possessed by the one peak lord currently doing (very manly!) hops around him like a crane trying to attract a mate.
Liu Qingge decides at this point in time to dip Shen Qingqiu, his right arm cradling the small of his back. The translucent silk of Shen Qingqiu’s weimao flutters a little past his collarbone, revealing a patch of ivory skin just below his ears. Liu Qingge notices this and quickly clears his throat, schooling his face back to his usual stern expression. A light dusting of pink remains on his high cheekbones.
“So… How do you know Luo Binghe?” Liu Qingge asks, trying to sound casual but instead sounding stilted. Is Liu Qingge trying to make small talk? Shen Qingqiu is thrilled to see this other side of his martial sibling. Good job, Liu-shidi! This shixiong encourages your attempts at socializing! Liu Qingge’s facial expressions usually only has two modes: unbearably irritated or emotionally constipated. Shen Qingqiu always thought that if Liu Qingge were more open with his feelings, he could find himself a pretty sister to settle down with!
Before Shen Qingqiu can respond, the system chimes in, 【Mission progress at 60%! Ballroom brute: +30 points! Protagonist satisfaction points: -50! 】
“System!” Shen Qingqiu screeches internally, “What is with this contradictory scoring algorithm?! What do you mean by -50 protagonist satisfaction points?” He cranes his head to try to get a glimpse of his husband, but is blocked by surrounding dancing couples.
The system, ignoring Shen QingQiu, continues with its mechanical monologue,【...new mission parameters set! Eavesdrop on Suspicious Cultivator A for the location of a very special object! Keep up the good work, host! ✺◟(＾∇＾)◞✺】
Shen Qingqiu scowls, grateful for the weimao covering his face, “Who the fuck is Suspicious Cultivator A?!” Immediately, a mechanical ‘ding’ sounds, drawing Shen Qingqiu’s attention to what seems to be a glowing exclamation point floating on top of a nearby person’s head, not unlike those seen on NPCs in video games. Said suspicious cultivator is sticking out like a sore thumb wearing black robes, his eyes shifting warily, while speaking quietly to a nondescript NPC. Shen Qingqiu cannot help but frown.
In the best falsetto voice he can muster despite his simmering rage at the system, “Liu-shi… I mean Lord Liu, you are such an accomplished dancer!” Shen Qingqiu rambles, hoping to distract Liu Qingge enough to gently guide him towards his target. (Nedrea)
Liu Qingge’s attention is difficult to keep fixed on him as the man keeps glancing back towards Binghe. Shidi! Pay attention to your dance partner! Shen Qingqiu steps out of the dance and catches Liu Qingge’s chin with a long finger. Liu Qingge’s breath hitches, but he follows Shen Qingqiu as he crooks his finger like a fish on the line as they walk backwards towards the suspicious cultivator.
“Perhaps Lord Liu could help this humble one a small favor,” Shen Qingqiu says, a smile evident in his voice. Just a little bit further and they would be close enough to listen in!
The flirtatious tone snaps Liu Qingge out of his trance, “You–” he snaps, flushing red down to his roots. Shen Qingqiu sighs to himself. It was too much to hope Liu Qingge would have helpfully played along. “Shameless!” He hisses and turns to glare where Binghe is standing. Binghe is staring back at Liu Qingge looking no less murderous than before.
Shen Qingqiu has no time to worry about whatever has angered his husband because the floating exclamation point begins moving as the suspicious cultivator heads out the side door. When he looks back, Liu Qingge has already stalked over to Binghe and the two are in a heated argument. Binghe! Shidi! This is not the time. Before he can take a step, an enormous pop-up window jumps out in front of him.
System【Please choose a mission option:
Option A: Stay on target! Follow Suspicious Cultivator and discover what he’s hiding. |*▼皿▼)
Option B: Ballroom Brawl! Follow the Protagonist and Bai Zhan Peak Lord as they take it outside (ง •̀_•́)ง 】
Get fucked, System-dada! What sort of choice is this?
To Shen Qingqiu’s left, the outline of the floating exclamation point is still visible through the walls but grows smaller as the cultivator moves further away. To his right, the empty space where Liu Qingge and Binghe had stood. Faintly, Shen Qingqiu can hear the distinct sound of swords being drawn and feel the swelling demonic qi prickle his skin. (todesesser)
The thing, you see, is this: Shen Qingqiu has never liked stealth missions in RPGs! And he has no intention of starting now! But it would be a fine excuse not to have to witness his shidi's humiliation as all his martial arts skills are bested, once again, by the ever broken protagonist halo. To a millennial, few things are more familiar, more dreaded, more intimate, than the emotion of second-hand embarrassment!
But then again, maybe watching two men duel over him like a maiden in one of those romantic Western period dramas wouldn't be so bad?
What is he thinking!! Of course it would be bad!! Extremely so!!! In fact― Shen Qingqiu turns to his right just in time to catch that Binghe and Luo Qingge have both their swords out and both of them are taking their stances, pure malice radiating off the two, with the ball's other attendants swirling around them, gossiping and whispering amongst themselves― in fact, this is already bad!!!
Fuck this, he thinks to himself as slams down on Option B, wondering at the back of his mind if to the outsiders it looks like he's instead slamming his hand down on thin air like some weird pantomime. System! Don't blame me for abandoning the plot! You gave me this option!
Given that the System said take it outside, he fully expects them to stalk off into the courtyard, but instead the button press seems to be the trigger for the battle, as if it had ended a countdown on a fighting game match. Within an instant, their swords clash together, meeting in sharp stinging strikes and bursts of light and clangs. Binghe's attacks are a ruthless barrage that Liu Qingge counters and returns in equal favor. It's generally very impressive and cool, to be honest, and Liu-shidi is really holding his own!
Wait, why is he so impressed? Why are these two still fighting inside the ballroom? Seriously? I know the System said 'Ballroom Brawl', but do you two have to do it here, in front of everyone? Show-offs! Drama queens!
Actually, not only is Liu Qingge holding his own really well, he seems to be... um? Um?? Wait, will he jinx it if he allows that thought? But no, Liu Qingge is rapidly gaining advantage, advancing on Binghe with a henceforth unseen ferocity, driving him backwards as the attendants ooh and awe in admiration that someone seems to be gaining advantage over the powerful, undefeated demon lord. Honestly, Shen Qingqiu's feelings are rather mixed on this development! He doesn't want to see his husband losing to anyone, but surely his shidi deserves to have the universe take pity on him at least once?
"Shishu's skill in dancing has truly impressed this one." Binghe says smoothly as he blocks another strike, a lot less bothered by his impending loss than he should be, his tone venomously sweet. "He's made quite the display of himself."
Liu Qingge stops in place, his expression wild with rage and... confusion? Actually, Binghe, your shishu has just given you a clear opening to strike back, in fact, he's fallen for your bait really easily! How come you aren't taking it?
"Is there a reason Shishu insisted on inviting my partner to a dance tonight? Does he know to do nothing but attempt to take what's mine?" Binghe's eyes glint menacingly. "Or is it possible, perhaps, that no other was willing to take pity on him?"
Ah! Shen Qingqiu sighs in relief and understanding. Now it's all clear! This is something he recognizes! Yes, this was a familiar scene in "Proud Immortal Demon Way": and, in fact, among the only mildly entertaining elements of the original Binghe's wife collecting antics: harem intrigue! Watching the many wives snipe at each other in passive-aggressive cattiness! In other words, this is no longer a battle of swords, but a battle of wits!
―No, actually, what the fuck!!!!!! This is much worse!!!!! At least Liu Qingge could hold his own against Binghe in sword fights, and lose only to the rules of the story and not by any fault or lack of ability of his own. But this is the type of competition where, to be perfectly blunt, shidi, you wouldn't last for a second! No, forget lasting, you wouldn't even be considered eligible to compete!! (wingless)
As much as Shen Qingqiu wants to step in to deescalate the situation and save Liu Qingge some face, he’s even more reluctant to play his hand, especially after the way he behaved himself in public tonight. Edging away from the crowd, Shen Qingqiu tries to make himself scarce as the sudden shift from physical to verbal sparring means that the crowd is no longer jostling to make space for the fight.
Unfortunately for him, Binghe's sudden statement caused an uproar in the crowd, more and more eyes turned speculatively towards the person hidden behind the weimao.
"Lord Luo just declared that the guniang is his partner!" someone whispers in the crowd.
"Does that mean he's open to others as well? I have sons and daughters I can introduce him to!"
Before he can get much further, the sound of a system alert stops Shen Qingqiu in his tracks.【 Warning: Suspicious Cultivator A is getting away Σ(°ロ°)! Failure to locate Suspicious Cultivator A and/or to progress in the task will reset this mission! Please Act Wisely!】
Hey, wait a second - you were the one who gave me the option to take part in the 'Ballroom Brawl' Shen Qingqiu glares at the flashing alert. And what do you mean by resetting the mission?!
【Sorry! This system does not make the rules (◕▿◕✿)】
OH I'M PRETTY SURE YOU MAKE THE RULES. The system doesn't respond to his rude hand gestures but continues to flash the warning message.
As if trying to assuage his anger, a bright quest marker illuminates onto a set of fancy double doors leading out into the courtyard. Jaws clenched, Shen Qingqiu stalks over to the indicated space. Nevermind witnessing the extremely dramatic fight that is going down, he has a system assigned manhunt to complete.
It’s at this point that Luo Binghe notices his husband is no longer in his line of sight and turns to look for the familiar blue-green robes, before remembering that his husband is dressed quite spectacularly in a ruqun of his own design today. Maybe too spectacular. He was attracting the attention of the local pests.
What he notices is this: Shen QingQiu zig zagging through the crowd towards a set of open doors. Had he displeased his husband in some way? Was he leaving the party without him??
He had been taking it easy on Liu Qingge to not cause too much drama but this won't do. The next time his sword meets Cheng Luan face on, he uses the force of Liu Qingge's swing to propel himself towards his escaping husband. (daantat)
“Hu-” Luo Binghe is barely able to stop himself from calling out to Shen Qingqiu in a way that reveals his identity, opting to follow him outside where no one will be able to listen in on them instead.
None of the onlookers dare to step in their way now that Luo Binghe is accompanying his beautiful young lady outside, but that doesn’t stop the whispers that follow them as Binghe keeps pace with Shen Qingqiu.
“Is something wro-” Luo Binghe attempts to ask once the doors have fallen shut behind them, but his voice is muffled by Shen Qingqiu slapping his hand over his mouth as he drags him behind some nearby foliage.
“Shush and listen,” Shen Qingqiu hisses, vaguely gesturing towards a cultivator dressed in black who is a decent distance away. They don’t look particularly … suspicious–pretty unassuming in Binghe’s opinion, really–but Binghe does as he is told anyway. Or at least he tries.
The cultivator is talking to another person who is just out of Binghe’s line of sight thanks to the foliage they’re hiding behind, when their whole cover gets blown.
Quite loudly.
Thanks to Liu Qingge making a spectacularly flashy entrance into the courtyard and going into immediate attack mode when he sees Luo Binghe all cozied up to the beautiful strange woman behind some bushes–even though she had claimed that she was not involved with him. (raplinsbabe)
“You filthy scum, we aren’t finished!” Liu Qingge shouts as he lunges another attack towards Luo Binghe, separating him from his beautifully disguised husband behind his back. At his words, Shen Qingqiu turns his head, forgetting for a moment that he is not the scum being called out here.
Hold on? Scum? His precious husband? This cute man? What did Luo Binghe do wrong in his shidi’s eyes this time–oh no. This position they were seen in…Shen Qingqiu swears he can explain! He’s not having an affair! Wait, no, there is no affair at all, because he is married to this man.
‘Innocent! Everyone here is…somewhat innocent, except for that Cultivator A and their partner over there! Why are they just watching this go down? Are they here for the drama? Shoo! Shoo!’
Luo Binghe tightens his grip on his sword, sizing up Liu Qingge with a dark gaze, stifling a laugh rising out of him. “Shishu, why are you being so bothersome tonight? Can’t you see I’m busy with sh-er…Shuchun.”
‘Ha?? Excuse me? Luo Binghe. You dare give your husband a fake name so embarrassing and on the spot? Look at me, I know you’re avoiding my eyes right now!’
“...So, the name of your mistress is Shuchun, huh? How obvious it is that you have a type to the pure and elegant sorts, you beast.”
‘I am not Shuchun I am Shizun! Fuck!-No, I am his husband!!’
“I will not allow this,” Before Shen Qingqiu can put up a reason or explanation as to why they were seen in such a way, Liu Qingge places himself in between the two lovers, “You are undeserving of having Shen Qingqiu as your lover already, and yet you have his heart, and still that is not enough for you?! Vile beast, I will not stand for my shixiong to weep tears at your betrayal!”
‘...Shidi, this isn’t an affair. I am not a whore woman, I’m not even a woman. Look at my chest! It’s stuffed! Ah, I’m touched you care about me so much, but I’m going to cry. Cultivator A over there is practically eating popcorn while enjoying my misery over here.’
【Update on the mission! Side Quest Available for extra B points!】
【Threeway Teamup! Everything’s better in pairs of three! Clear up the sticky situation with the help of your companion! +25 Additional B Points Available if cleared!】
‘Are you kidding me? What the fuck is up with that wording? System? Hello?!’ (Empress)
Poor Liu shidi looks like he's one frayed nerve away from launching himself at his husband teeth first, so Shen Qingqiu decides to do some quick mental math. While the title of the mission is iffy, it's also a life line if he doesn't want to watch these two handsome, well trained men tear each other apart for his sake.
Which is a totally unappealling idea! He may be dressed like one, but he's not one of those silly sisters with all kinds of unrealistic daydreams about harems full of supernaturally good looking guys fighting for his hand in marriage!
Her hand.
Whatever. He's wasted enough time on this already!
Shen Qingqiu looks between Liu Qingge, Luo Binghe, and Suspicious Cultivator A, and sends off a short prayer to whatever god is listening that he might be forgiven for the next sentence out of his mouth. He coughs once, delicately, before pointing at the shady stranger.
"Excuse me," he says, instantly cutting through the argument, and points at Cultivator A. "That man tried to look up my skirt."
【...】
Cultivator A: "..."
Is it a lie? Absolutely. But if pressure made diamonds out of coal, then it also made a stupid, stupid man out of Shen Qingqiu. While the mysterious stranger is indeed mysterious, he didn't do anything of the sort - and wouldn't it have been a little conspicuous if he did?!? This skirt was long as hell!! What was this guy doing, crawling on the floor like a worm trying to get a peep???
In his own defense, Shen Qingqiu only meant it as a distraction. He hoped that it would make the two meatheads at his side stop gnawing at each other and start solving the problem instead. Really, he should have expected that they wouldn't be normal about it.
Liu Qingge and Luo Binghe, in a rare moment of perfect synergy, raise their heads and stare at Cultivator A like bloodhounds who just scented prey.
Rest in peace, poor man, but a B point is a B point. They don't come easy! Just run, okay?
Shen Qingqiu primly sits back and watches the carnage as his two companions make a terrible mess out of the surrounding 12 foot radius. Ah, that cultivator was holding up for a long time, wasn't he? Not bad, not bad, though his footwork when dodging was a little sloppy...
It's only when, through some kind of complicated pincer maneuver, Liu Qingge and Luo Binghe have the cultivator pinned on the ground between them with a sword to his neck, that Shen Qingqiu finally saunters over to grab that "very special object" the system teased earlier. Eavesdropping? Isn't it better to ask the source directly?
He wants to get out of this disguise as soon as possible!
"Stay back," Liu Qingge growls at him. "I don't want to get blood on your robes."
Gasp! Liu shidi, how chivalrous! Shen Qingqiu promptly ignores him, before crouching down by the cultivator in a very unladylike manner and taking a good look at his face. What a bushy mustache! Do they really let people in looking so unkempt?
As if on cue, the mustache peels off the cultivator's face.
It's a decidedly smooth, feminine face.
Shen Qingqiu stares at her for a long moment, trying to remember why her face is so familiar – before it hits him all at once. Eh? What is one of the triplet nuns from Luo Binghe's former harem doing here in disguise as a man?
The Daoist nun is looking directly at him through his veil, a coquettish kind of awe on her face.
"Oh," she says. "Lord Luo truly does have some unusual tastes."
Shen Qingqiu stiffens, unsure whether to be offended or worried. Hey, lady, is that an insult? He's not that ugly, is he?
Poking their heads around from behind a rather bushy tree are two more suspiciously lithe cultivators with extremely hairy mustaches. No way – the other two nuns?!? Why are they here?
After just a brief moment of explanation, some things are cleared up, while others are left even more confusing than before. The three nuns originally came to this ball to do the same as them – gather information on that one dodgy sect that was stirring up trouble again.
"But then I saw that Lord Luo had brought an unfamiliar consort with him," the nun on the floor explains, her voice as melodic as a nightingale, "and I wanted to figure out why. I didn't expect to get ambushed while I was explaining what I saw to my sisters…"
Liu Qingge scoffs, but he raises his sword and pulls away anyway. "So that's what it was. Nobody was peeking up skirts after all."
"But Lord Luo," one of the other nuns interjects, something even more coy about her features, "to appear with a previously unknown woman by your side… does this mean that the Inner Palace is opening up for applications?"
Eh?! There's an application process? Is there a form or something? If you'd like to apply for the position of Wife, please tick here…
But before Shen Qingqiu can start getting truly uncomfortable with the idea, Luo Binghe straightens up, his voice ringing loud and clear around the courtyard.
"I would never," he swears vehemently. "I would never take another partner. My heart is only with shizun – I'd die before I marry again."
There's a shocked silence. Liu Qingge's eye twitches as he looks between Luo Binghe and the mysterious guniang he brought along. His hand lands on his sword hilt again.
Hah… Binghe, please, don't your words seem a little incongruous with the situation? You're going to get asked to duel for my honor in a moment!
Luo Binghe surges forward and grabs Shen Qingqiu's hands, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
"Please, hu- sh- Shuchun. You have to believe me! My husband is the only one for me!"
Ah, what the hell? His heart leaps at that like he’s some kind of sentimental idiot. Why does Shen Qingqiu have to be in this stupid disguise anyway? So inconvenient! If he could just reach out and pet his little sheep's head…
"Oh," he says, doing his best to sound disappointed. "Then this Shuchun apologizes for… being so forward. Goodbye."
With a hasty bob at everyone, Shen Qingqiu prepares to make a hasty escape. The last thing he wants is to waste any more time here and risk someone recognizing him! Everyone already thinks he's got strange habits already, so imagine how much worse it would be if he got caught wearing women's clothing!
Just as he turns to leave, the nun on the floor makes one last attack. Her foot darts out, making Shen Qingqiu trip over it and get tangled in his own skirts.
As he falls, Liu Qingge darts forward to catch him.
The wind catches his weimao. With a flutter, his face is revealed, before slowly, too slowly, the fabric falls back into place.
There is another shocked silence, even heavier than before. Liu Qingge seems frozen in place. The nuns are watching with wide eyes, hiding smiles behind their hands.
Ah.
Goodbye dignity. It was nice knowing you.
🌟
Long afterwards, when they have both made their escape from the ball, Liu Qingge has disappeared back to his peak with a red face and an angry set to his shoulders, and Shen Qingqiu no longer feels quite so badly that he'd like to die on the spot, Luo Binghe helps to undress him again.
He's being… remarkably innocent about it. Perhaps it's because he can sense that his husband has reached his limit for how much his thin face can take before shattering completely.
Shen Qingqiu lets his guard down. That's his biggest mistake of the evening so far.
"Husband," Luo Binghe says halfway through the process, voice light and inquiring, as casual as it is suspicious, "when I was holding down that woman, something fell out of her pocket. At first I thought it might be dangerous, but then I realized."
He holds up a little pot, opening it to reveal red pigment.
"It seems to be some kind of makeup. Perhaps… if you wore this as well, then even if someone saw under the veil, they would think you were a woman… Maybe we should test it out now, in case we ever have to go undercover again?"
【Congratulations on completing the new deluxe extra story: The Sweet and Spicy Allure of a Mysterious Disguise! You have been awarded the super secret bonus item. Please enjoy with compliments from the system!】(cinnamonsnaps)