Chapter Text
“I’m nev’r gonna be a father,” Anthony Stark slurred, his hand clutching the neck of a bottle of expensive Serbian vodka.
“Oh yeah?” James Rhodes didn’t sound like he cared that much, not when his sixteen year old friend had fallen into their dorm room already drunk, and bleeding.
“Tones, give me your hand, I’m not gonna take the drink, but I need to clean it up.” he waited a minute for Tony to trust him and place it near him, Rhodey worked on cleaning up the cuts on the knuckles, it was a little swollen, but not damaged.
“Thanks for… y’know.”
“Cleaning you up? I mean I’d rather not but-”
“Teachin’ me how to punch,” Tony sighed and placed the bottle down on the floor beside him, “I’m serious, Platypus, I’m never gonna be like him .”
Rhodey’s view of Howard Stark had changed since he joined MIT, before he had seen him as a genius, helping fight evils, a war hero, but then he got paired to room with Tony. He had seen Howard, Tony, and Maria taking photos for the press the day that Tony had been dropped off, then caught sight of Howard belittling him, and slapping him, for daring to wear an AC-DC tee to drop off day. Rhodey hadn’t been able to stop him then, but he had decided to take his role of roommate seriously, especially as Tony was so young.
He stood up for him when Tony’s smart mouth got him in trouble with people, he taught him how to throw a punch, he always offered a place in his mother’s home during the breaks, and he tried his hardest to keep him away from drinking.
Tony and Howard had argued over something, god knows what, and had gotten into a fight, that was all Rhodey had managed to get out of Tony, but this didn’t look like a fight, Tony had been beaten up by his own father.
“Nev’r,” Tony slurred again. He meant it.
Tony stayed true to his drunken promise for years. He was vigilant about using protection, even when he was drunk out of his mind, he always made sure to have condoms, which he went through a lot of he had to admit, and he had a team of lawyers and P.Is who made sure that the people he slept with were not pregnant after sleeping with him.
There had been false claims, of course there had, he was the young successful billionaire, and statistically he had slept with so many women that there had to be claims; his team of lawyers and PIs checked out every claim, none had been true. Tony knew that these investigations were never meant to reach him, not unless there were positive tests of his DNA in a foetus, but Tony always made sure to keep up with the claims, his fear was too strong not to.
He was safe from being a father, always.
But nothing was entirely effective, Tony knew that both as a scientist and as someone who had read the small print of various brands of condoms. There was always that small chance that a pregnancy would occur.
Mary Parker was a biologist working in Stark Industries, they had met at a party, both drunk, both more than happy to spend the Christmas office party in a bedroom, Mary for whatever reason, and Tony because Pepper had looked really really good in that green dress and he wasn’t allowed to think of her that way.
Mary had passed the tests, she had insisted that she would have the baby, Tony had been told by Pepper, but that she was not after anything from Tony.
Tony had handled the news well.
Or so he had claimed, though not even he believed that. He had told Pepper that Mary was right, that he shouldn’t have anything to do with any kid, and he got on with his life of getting drunk and behaving recklessly.
He ended up at Rhodey’s again, on his floor, drunk having driven too fast, but not hurt like he had been in college.
Rhodey had forced him into a cold shower, and soon Tony was crying, a sight that Rhodey hadn’t seen in years.
“I can’t do it, Rhodey, I can’t have a kid.”
“I know Tones.”
“No-” Tony insisted loudly, looking like a drowned rat on the floor of Rhodey’s shower, “I can’t have a kid, and not…”
Rhodey held his breath, hoping that Tony would say what Rhodey wanted him to say, “What Tony?”
“I can’t just blank it. I can’t be like him .”
Rhodey pulled his best friend into a hug, not caring that he was getting wet now too. “You don’t have to be like your father, Tones, you never have to be a father like him, you could just be a dad.”
“Yeah?”
Rhodey heard how hopeful Tony sounded, he couldn’t look at him right then, one of them had to be strong, “Yeah. Tony you can do this, you can learn to be a good dad, you can be there for all the things your father never was, but you’ve gotta cut this out: the drinking, the drugs, the girls, all of it. Or you’re gonna end up dead, and it’ll be on you.” It was tough love, Rhodey knew that, but he wasn’t wrong, he always knew that Tony would be his own destruction. He just hoped that he would be wrong.
He poured away his alcohol the next morning, Pepper watched him in concern, it was nice to have that, to have her near.
“I’m going to be a dad, Pep, I want to be a dad.”
Pepper hesitated, “Do you think that you can be one?”
Tony’s heart fell.
Pepper quickly spoke again, “Because I think you can. But you’ve got to believe it yourself.”
Tony nodded, and swallowed, “I’m about eighty percent sure I can do this… and you’re gonna be in this with me, right?”
Pepper sent him a small smile, her hand brushing his as she took the empty bottle from him, she placed it into the recycling trash can, “Of course. I’m sure you can keep the baby alive, but I’m not so sure that you can keep yourself alive.”
Tony snorted a laugh, then smiled.
The next few months seemed to fly by, Tony barely having a day where he wasn’t actively trying to do things.
He was no longer the Tony Stark the media loved to report on, he had stopped drinking, doing drugs, hell he hadn’t slept with a stranger since he had talked to Rhodey and Pepper.
Mary had been hesitant, but he had spoken to her honestly, seriously, and he had seemed to win her over; with all of his plans of buying a place in Malibu, a place small enough to be a home instead of a mansion, his research into classes for baby first aid, and baby karate, and baby proofing.
He had moved out any weapons out of any building where he had a residence, Obie had objected, but Tony had stood his ground, he had even threatened Obie.
Mary spent more time around him, they went to classes, and scans, and then they just seemed to spend more time together after those, mostly with Pepper around.
“Come to Malibu,” Tony asked not for the first time, “I’ll pay for anything you need, bring anyone you want. That way we can split childcare… maybe fifty fifty…?”
Mary hesitated, she glanced at Pepper who quickly busied herself with making tea.
“I was actually thinking,” she said quietly, she twisted a strand of her auburn hair between her fingers, “maybe you’d like more than fifty percent custody,” her hand went to her stomach and she looked a little sad, “I’ll be working a lot, I want to work a lot,” she insisted before he could say anything, “my research is coming along, and I know that he’ll want to spend time with you.”
“ He ?”
She shrugged, “Just a feeling.”
“Peter,” Tony said softly, the name they had picked for a boy.
“Peter Benjamin Anthony Stark.”
Tony beamed but shook his head, “Parker Stark.”
She shook her head, “I’ve got Benjamin in there for my brother, I don’t need Parker too.”
“It’s only fair that you get two names like I do,” he protested, “plus my father would have hated it,” he sent her a mischievous smile, “which is definitely a win.”
Mary went into labor while she was in work, over a month before she was due to give birth. For the first time in months Tony drove his car way too fast, but not because he was self destructive, this was out of fear, not for himself, but for his baby. And for Mary.
Pepper was by his side, looking as worried as he did, he sat in the waiting room, his hands shaking, his leg bouncing, until Pepper took hold of his hand.
She kept hold of it for hours, even as Mary was rushed into surgery, even as a doctor ushered them into a room to talk to them, to him.
“The baby?” Tony’s voice was hoarse, he hadn’t spoken in hours, he tried to to take steadying breaths, if only so he would be able to hear the doctors words.
“He’s in the NICU at the moment, he is going to be okay, we’re keeping an eye on him as he was born early but he’s a fighter.”
“ He ,” Tony breathed out, a smile on his face despite the worry he still felt, he felt Pepper squeeze his hand, he didn’t have to look at her to know that she was crying, she always did when she was happy, “he’s a he?”
“He is.”
“Can I, I mean, I’m allowed to go see him, right? There’s no risk of infection or anything with him being so young?”
“That’ll be fine, Mr Stark.”
Tony almost fell over getting to his feet so fast.
“Mr Stark,” the doctor’s voice stopped him from leaving, “Mary Parker is dead.”
Tony didn’t hear anything after that, but Pepper told him as they walked to the NICU; Mary had also been a fighter, but there had been a clot, a massive clot, she had been rushed to surgery, she hadn’t survived.
Peter was in a hospital crib, one of the covered ones, with the machines monitoring him. Tony felt useless, he didn’t know how to do this, he wasn’t meant to be doing it alone.
He heard Pepper’s voice asking a nurse a question, then she nudged him closer to the crib.
“You can touch him through the little holes,” she told him quietly, “Someone will be over to help you hold him and feed him soon.”
Tony nodded slowly, “You’re stayin’, right Pep?”
“Of course.”
Tony closed the gap between them and the baby, he was so small, and red, and alert. He was only a couple of hours old and was already down to one parent. Tony was going to make sure he never went without anything else.
Tony placed a finger through the hole, the baby’s hand wrapped around it, Tony crouched down so he was on eye level.
“Hey there Petey-Pie, I don’t wanna scare you, but I’m your daddy.” He smiled at him despite everything. “I’m not sure how to be a dad, but you probably don’t know how to be a human either, like you’re gonna be pooping yourself for a few years at least, so you work at that, and I’ll work at being a dad.”
The first six months were the hardest, fatherhood was hard, Tony was starting to think that all the books about how hard parenting was were right. Tony wasn’t ever sure that he was doing a good job, not when Peter struggled to grow, or when he’d cry unless Tony or Pepper were holding him.
But he was also so beautiful, and smiley, and he was so, so clever.
Obie told Tony to either start coming to board meetings or to sign over control of the company, so Tony went to the meetings, with Peter in a sling strapped to his chest. Tony said it was only testament to how clever Peter was that he would cry when Tony was bored enough that he was about to have a go at some idiot.
Peter would lie babbling at him when Tony was trying to get him to sleep, but Tony had figured out that he would fall asleep when Tony would sing, or when he’d play Pepper’s cheesy eight’s hits CD.
As Peter got older he stayed just as clingy to Tony and Pepper, but neither of them minded. He was also a little angel, he talked a mile a minute every minute of the day, he was kind and incapable of lying, to the point that Pepper joked that he should have a DNA test done to make sure that he hadn’t been switched. Tony proudly told everyone how clever Peter was, he built a circuit board when he was four, just like Tony had, Tony was sure that Peter would become the smartest Stark ever, and that he’d invent amazing things.
Tony would set him up with toys in his office, and helped him tinker with age appropriate things when they hung out in Tony’s lab. He’d cuddle with Pepper and him for movies every night, and they’d go to the beach in Malibu whenever they could escape the city, when they couldn’t they would go to museums, and mind numbingly boring kids musicals.
Tony tried his hardest to keep Peter out of the media, he would release press statements every so often, but only so they wouldn’t be harassed as much.
Tony’s birthdays stopped being huge blowouts full of drinking and drugs and orgies- now they were getting handmade gifts from Peter, and eating takeaway pizza with Pepper, Peter, Rhodey, and Happy. And when Rhodey and Happy left he’d settle down on the couch with Peter and Pepper and watch movies, and when Peter went to bed Pepper would stay…
They celebrated every holiday together, the three of them, Tony had never been so happy.
The more he grew the more Tony saw himself in Peter, and he was determined to make sure that would be a good thing.
He saw Mary in Peter too, but the longer time passed the more he realised he didn’t know as much about Mary as he thought. She hadn’t talked much about herself, she had always brought it back to the baby. So he read biology to Peter until the toddler would fall asleep on his chest.
Tony wasn’t always sure of himself, but he was certain that he’d become the best Stark father in a century.
Peter made their family a family; Happy would pretend to lose at boxing with Peter, and Rhodey would wear the sparkly stickers Peter would give him when Peter and Tony would go visit him at work. Pepper was always there, or ‘Mommy Pep’ as Peter would call her, and when Tony and Pepper finally started to date Peter dropped the ‘Pep’ part of that.
Peter was Tony’s best man, in a miniature matching suit, when Tony and Pepper tied the knot in a small ceremony.
They were a happy family, they struggled, they argued, and annoyed each other. Peter had tantrums and got sick, but they were so happy.
It happened when Peter was sick, which wasn’t a huge surprise, he got sick fairly often, especially now that he was in Pre-K.
He was off school, he was overtired, and whiny, and Pepper was on the other side of the country at some board meeting or something; Tony had lost track of what, between not sleeping from being a worried ‘helicopter parent’, and not sleeping from Peter crying and clinging onto him.
“Daddy!”
“I know, buddy. I know, but c’mon Petey-Pie, just lie here while daddy gets your medicine, it’ll make you feel all better.” But Peter just held tighter to him.
“Don’ wanna.”
Tony sighed softly, he pressed a kiss to his forehead, he clearly had a fever still, if this held up Tony was talking him to a doctor. He pushed back Peter’s dark curls. “Bambi, I’m not going anywhere, I’m just grabbing that medicine bottle from there,” he pointed towards the kitchen, “I’ll be right there and back, you trust me, right buddy? I pinky promise, you just count to six and I’ll be right back.”
“Count to six?”
“Yup,” he sent his son a loving smile, “you can do that, right?..... Unless you can’t ….”
“I can! I can count really high!” Peter practically shouted, his enthusiasm overtaking his tears, “Go daddy!”
Tony let out a breath of relief, at least that worked so he wouldn’t have to carry him, even if he was small for his age Tony had been carrying him everyday for four years, and he was starting to feel those years. Tony pressed a kiss to Peter’s forehead one last time, then left him on the couch.
“One…”
Peter began to count.
“Two…”
Tony was in the kitchen.
“Three…”
Tony grabbed the bottle of medicine.
His cellphone rang. Tony frowned, it was one of the important ringtones, the one which JARVIS would call when Peter was there so the four year old wouldn’t hear things he wasn’t meant to. Tony turned his back to his son, he fished his cellphone out of his back pocket.
“Four.”
“JARVIS, what’s happening?”
“ Intru -”
The pain came hard and fast, something hit the back of his head hard, and Anthony Stark fell to the floor unconscious.
Peter Stark never got to number five.
Tony woke up in the hospital; he had a concussion, broken ribs, a broken nose, and a broken arm. He didn’t understand why someone even bothered to break his arm when he was already out, but that didn’t matter.
“Where’s Peter?”
The room went silent.
“ Where is my son ?” He tried to push himself out of the bed.
Pepper was suddenly there, he didn’t know how she got there so fast, but he did know that she had been crying. That she still was crying. “They’ve got him,” she choked out, “someone took him, Tony, someone took Peter.”
The years kept coming and they didn’t stop.
Tony was kidnapped, nearly died a few times, became a superhero, told the world that he was Iron Man, he nearly died from poisoning, he scienced the shit outta everything and saved himself, joined the ‘Avengers’, Pepper was taken, nearly died, he saved her, they worked on their marriage, he set loose a kill-bot on the world, mourned JARVIS, he helped Rogers snap Bucky out of his ‘funk’ after he and Rogers broke up in that Denny’s parking lot fight, they amended and rectified the accords.
Soon it had been ten years. Ten years of chasing every hint, every mention, every whisper of Peter Stark.
But there was nothing.
Tony knew that soon he would have to let him go, but he couldn’t… not yet.
Tony’s phone rang.
Rogers.
It was still so jarring that a guy who was like a hundred years old preferred to text rather than talk on the phone, unless it was important.
Tony nearly didn’t pick it up, he hated how they’d all handle him with kiddie gloves on Peter’s birthday, and on the anniversary of his disappearance: they wouldn’t let him get drunk out of his mind, they wouldn’t let him beat the shit out of human scum, they wouldn’t let him isolate himself, and they wouldn’t let him go on missions.
“Ya?” He stared at the bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue, he knew that he shouldn’t… His eyes flickered onto the framed photo on his desk; Peter’s fourth Christmas, him, Pepper, and Peter, all in pyjamas, Peter wearing a makeshift wrapping paper hat. He pushed the bottle away.
“No I heard you,” he told Steve, “New York mission, yeah four minutes… Cap, I’m fine, I can look after myself. Seriously, I’m used to it, so cut that shit out, and tell the others not to start or you can all deal with this on your own.” He hung up the phone, and stood up.
He stayed in his place for a second, staring at the photograph. “Happy birthday, Petey-Pie.”