Archive of Our Own ^beta

The convenience store is mostly empty at this hour. Some drunk men are outside eating ramen and others play games while laughing loudly. Beomgyu likes it inside because it’s warm and the crystal windows muffle people’s voices. There is only the tilting yellow lighting that people often find bothersome, but Beomgyu finds it rather nostalgic. Romantic, even.

It makes him feel like he could confess right here right now instead of being annoying about it. But where’s the fun in that?

“Guess what,” Beomgyu says with a smirk.

Kai stares back lazily, lifting his face from his phone. His eyes look tired, with soft dark spots sitting under them, but he looks pretty anyway. His hair is a mess under the hood and Beomgyu wants to fix it so badly he has to hold his hands together. It’s a funny feeling, the one that builds up in Beomgyu’s stomach whenever this happens. He isn’t sure what to say next, or if he should push Kai’s hair aside so it stops covering his eyes.

“What is it now, hyung?” Kai exhales deeply. Whatever it is that he lets out, expectancy or exasperation (this last one is the least likely) Beomgyu likes it.

It isn't new for Beomgyu to see people go insane around him, and it feels rewarding a lot of the time. But Kai? He isn’t sure when he is getting there with him. Is there such a limit for someone like Kai? He’ll probably reply something like ‘ha, cute’ after Beomgyu comes up with the stupidest reply to the guess what game he’s been playing.

Cute this, cute that. That’s all he ever gets. But it’s fine as long as Kai means it the same way he does, this way Beomgyu can ruminate on it the whole night.

Kai maintains a faint smile, mouth ajar. Beomgyu simply giggles, “I want some chips.”

“Hyung...” Kai says with a sigh. He stops his eyes from rolling back by closing them.

The gesture makes Beomgyu’s heart a bit insane—it’s the good insane, the one that makes him suck in his lips to contain the smile. And it’s probably stupid how much he wants to say I like you right now.

Beomgyu supposes it’s stupid for him to say, but Kai is the cutest when he holds back those bits of desperation. When he’s too tired but he still walks out of his apartment to say hi to Beomgyu, when he has a bunch of math sheets to finish but he still accompanies Beomgyu to the grocery store at ass o’clock because Beomgyu doesn’t like eating alone. When he holds back from calling Beomgyu out even if Beomgyu has tested his patience the entire day with dumb jokes. Kai is cute when he looks like he wants Beomgyu to stop but still, somehow, indulges him.

Kai is cute when he’s taking care of Beomgyu like that.

“Can you get some for hyung? And some gummies too, please? You know the ones I like, round, small, and—”

“I know them,” Kai... oh, sweet Kai, he stands up to get what he’s asked for without a question. Beomgyu sees the younger man go around the store, his head towering the shelves and giving him a lopsided smile when they meet eyes. Beomgyu’s heart sinks a little deeper into what he calls The Sea of being-terribly-in-love.

It’s embarrassing.

And he likes it.

“Here,” Kai mumbles softly as he sits in front of Beomgyu, leaving the snacks on the table. His hood covers half his face and some strands of hair fall over his eyes. Kai does this thing where he shakes his head in hopes for it to find a place that isn’t in front of his eyes, and even if he’s squinting because it’s bothering him, he refuses to touch it, “I don't understand why you always go 'guess what?' for something you can just say, hyung.”

Beomgyu keeps on fighting the urge to extend his hand and place the younger’s hair away. It’s something he never knows how to deal with. Part of him believes it’ll give him away, and the other part believes it doesn’t matter because Kai likes him too. But there’s that adrenaline Beomgyu enjoys a bit too much, of knowing you both like each other, yet neither has explicitly stated it. “Guess what!” he says urgently.

Kai sighs, “what?”

Beomgyu smiles. He gives in—his hand travels to Kai’s bangs and, delicately, he makes space for the younger’s eyes to see.

There's something about Kai (Beomgyu thinks about it often, but right now, he feels stronger about it) with that terrible yellow light falling on his awfully yellow hoodie, the way his hair falls back over his eyes again, the way he lazily pulls out his phone from his black sweatpants and how he stares at Beomgyu right after. The way his mouth remains slightly open. He looks gorgeous in the most laid-back way anyone ever could.

“Guess what,” Beomgyu says again, eyes never leaving Kai’s face. Pretty.

“Hm?”

I like you, Beomgyu says in his mind. I like you, he repeats almost like a prayer. That is actually what he’s supposed to say, that is the reason all of this started. “It's late. I'll drop you at your building,” Beomgyu throws everything in his backpack and quickly stands up.

“You haven't eaten,” Kai stops him by the wrist. And fuck. Dramas have nothing on Jung Kai. Beomgyu’s heart stops along his body, but he can get out of it fast enough.

“It's too late for chips and gummies anyway, right?” Beomgyu smiles, and he gets a hold of Kai’s wrist too, pulling him up to help him stand.

Beomgyu has one too many issues going on and the first one is liking Kai. He has been playing that silly guess what game since that one time his mouth almost slips out an 'I like you'. It happened in the convenience store too then, but Beomgyu couldn't say it.

No, no, no. He isn't a coward, don't get him wrong. He is a romantic.

How could he confess his love in a convenience store with drunk people cursing outside? It's not it. He couldn't do it here, and he couldn't do it the time they went to the movies either because the movie was extremely violent. And let's not talk about the time Beomgyu asked Kai out (platonically, he specified) to a fancy dinner and the AC was too loud. The timing and place weren’t perfect, that's all. “You are a coward” Beomgyu can hear Soobin saying in his ear every time he avoids saying those three words.

It’s hard.

But Kai won’t do it, so Beomgyu tries.

“Thank you,” Beomgyu starts once they are outside the store, they walk side by side, hands loosely hidden inside their pockets, “for accompanying me tonight as well. Studying has been… not fun. I felt like dropping out three times today while reading. And getting used to the new apartment is tiring,” Beomgyu beams, his eyes shooting up every time he talks to Kai—Beomgyu knows more than three centimeters make a difference since he met Soobin, but he didn’t expect to feel this small walking next to Kai.

Kai smiles first, then he makes the thinking face before talking: pursed lips to the side and eyebrows furrowed, “is there no food a—”

“We have! We have noodles. A lot actually,” Beomgyu shoots as fast as possible. Is this how he comes off to Kai? A foodless man who eats out every night? He surely is but that isn’t the point. “Yeonjun hyung eats noodles all the time. Taehyun cooks for him whenever he comes over though, and Soobin is too lazy to get something else so we—”

“What about you, hyung?”

It’s concerning how much Beomgyu likes Kai. But how could he not when Kai looks at him like Beomgyu’s at the brink of death from missing some meals.

“I go out to eat with you,” Beomgyu smiles pleased, “so I’m fine.”

Kai laughs under his breath, relieved, “I’ll bring food next time. Proper food. You can’t keep living off of snacks.”

“You can cook?” Beomgyu turns to him shocked, hand covering his open mouth.

Kai nods and puts a fist in the air, “absolutely not!”

Beomgyu bursts into laughter, closing his eyes. It isn’t only Kai’s boldness and confidence that he finds endearingly funny, but also his face trying to keep composure. Kai purses his lips because he can’t hide a smile. “Dummy,” Beomgyu heaves while stopping his laughter.

They walk quietly after that. It’s dark, the moon isn’t out tonight but it’s alright cause the city provides enough light for them not to get lost. Beomgyu remembers taking Kai home once while the streets were fully dark, they didn’t mention how scared they were but Beomgyu could hear Kai trying to fill the void with words, like chatting could light up their way. It was relieving, and Kai gave Beomgyu a lightstick for his way back just in case.

“Aglio e Olio?” Kai spurs out while opening the gate of his building, showing his back to Beomgyu.

“Hm?” It genuinely takes Beomgyu out for a second, because what he’s been thinking while walking is more about how he is going to tell Kai what he feels rather than what he is going to eat tomorrow. “Wait. Is that what you’ve been thinking about on our way here? What you’re going to cook for me?” Beomgyu smiles widely in surprise.

Kai simply nods with a half-smile on his face, and some sort of shame washes it over. “Is it good? I can think of something else if you don’t like it…”

“You don’t have to do it really,” Beomgyu pushes Kai’s arm playfully.

“Let me try it once.”

“There’s no need—”

“Guess what!” Kai says adorably, even if he hides his hands in his hoodie’s pockets, and raises an eyebrow trying to play it cool, even so, he’s the cutest human being. There’s a proud light in his eyes, and his smile pops up unpromptedly, cockily, like he’s finally the one to play the game.

Beomgyu wants to hug him, wrap him whole and never let him go, but he simply laughs breathly. His heart is melting or whatever those romance novels say, “what?”

“You look pretty today, hyung,” Kai’s lips turn into a big smile, he raises his hand to wave Beomgyu goodbye as he rushes to enter and shut the door behind him.

It happens so quickly that Beomgyu’s world stops.

You look pretty today, hyung.

Kai, smiling from ear to ear after saying it.

The sound of the door closing.

It all replays in his head like a clip in a loop.

The lockdown starts in his stomach, a little pinch that builds up to his throat and then his head. Explosions are happening everywhere at the same time, like his hands don’t know what to do because his mind isn’t sure either, because there’s no logical command, but he looks sideways to see if anyone can notice how stunned he is.

Nobody would know what he’s going through right now, the dark covers his burning ears (he can feel them so clearly, he doesn’t want to think about how red they are right now), and in his pockets his hands hide, clenched, trying to hold himself together.

Kai is everything but easy to deal with.

It started in his second year of college when Yeonjun’s boyfriend, Taehyun, introduced them. Kai wasn’t small, not even back in the day, but he looked dainty, fragile somehow. Like he should be protected despite being perfectly capable of protecting himself (Beomgyu knew this much later).

Initially, Beomgyu thought the care and attention he poured onto Kai came from that, a natural instinct people got when they saw the boy. But rather late he realized that it was something deeper in him that pulled his hands to fix Kai’s hair and clothes whenever it was needed. Something that made his mouth talk without thinking, ask if he’s eaten, help him write his essays, join him for lunch and end up on the other side of the city, let him know there’s no pressure in doing things he doesn’t want to do—reassuring him.

Yes, Beomgyu is like that with a lot of people. He likes caring and teasing, and he loves to love people, but Kai has… something. Maybe Beomgyu feels cared for as well. And Beomgyu refuses to call it love, but he isn’t able to find a better word.

“You’re a coward,” Soobin blurts out the moment Beomgyu places a foot inside their apartment.

“Good night, I guess.”

Beomgyu has to move the boxes out of his way to properly get inside, take off his shoes and place them on the rack—more like a pile of shoes where he can only identify his, as the ones with the straightest lining. They’ve been meaning to finish unpacking and cleaning but adulthood has gotten the best of them, and also, maybe they are lazy. He isn’t bothered by their clothes scattered on every corner, but he hopes they can fix this mess soon.

Soobin takes his eyes away from the screen, checks Beomgyu out, eyes scanning him up and down like a robot, and he quickly goes back to his controller. “So you didn’t tell him today either,” he says, eyebrows furrowed at the screen.

Crap. Soobin always knows.

“Is Yeonjun hyung sleeping?” Beomgyu opens a box and pulls out a cup. Yeonjun is often their escape. Either they see him all day or he’s on his computer losing his shit or (and this is a given when they don’t see him around for more than eight hours) he’s at Taehyun’s. Cooking, kissing, working.

“He’s cramming… Got some files to edit for his job. Adulthood is kind of shit, y’know?”

The cup goes back inside the box as Beomgyu doesn’t know what to do with it. He often does this thing where he mindlessly yet mindfully takes something and uses it as a quick distraction. It makes him feel like he has a plan even if he comes up with it after the fact. And it helps him to avoid conversations naturally. “So when are you getting a job?”

With Soobin he can’t escape though.

Soobin chuckles, “before you confess to Kai, that’s for sure.”

Beomgyu laughs at Soobin for not retaliating by saying he has a job. Streaming has helped them pay many rents in the past, but the goal is always to bother each other, not to prove themselves and that’s nice enough for both. Friendship.

Friendship for them also comes with Beomgyu dropping his backpack on the ground and throwing himself on the couch, beside Soobin. Thud it sounds when his cheek meets the cushion, “I like him a lot,” he mumbles.

“It’s actually crazy how bad he got you.”

It really is. Beomgyu doesn’t want to do anything against it though. “Maybe he cast a spell on me.”

“Well… It was surprisingly long the time it took you to realize you liked him that way. I thought–wait this fucker wants to kill me–alright, I thought you were just embarrassed and didn’t want to tell us about your little crush.”

“I didn’t think about it thoroughly, and maybe because he’s younger than all of us I…” Beomgyu sighs, he closes his eyes and strongly tries to keep the memories in. He thinks about Kai, cute, tall, staring at him while he ties the drawstrings of the younger’s hoodie and sends him off to class, “Y’know he said he’d bring me some food tomorrow, maybe we should start cleaning up.”

Soobin gasps, “Kai? The Jung Kai? Cook? He cooks?”

Beomgyu giggles. His hand reaches for his face in an attempt to hide the fact that he’s dying of happiness because of it. He thinks about Kai—it’s the thousandth time tonight—filling a pot with water and staring at it intently, waiting for it to boil. He thinks about Kai checking the recipe on his phone every so often so he isn’t missing anything at all. The younger follows instructions pretty thoroughly which is very endearing. And it isn’t funny, not at all, yet he can’t help but laugh. “He doesn’t really cook.”

Beomgyu’s phone vibrates in his back pocket. His first thought is Kai, of course, because he always asks if the way home was alright, if he’s going to sleep soon, or to tell him to eat something before falling victim to Morpheus. And he confirms it when he checks the screen.

Fucking hell.

“What are you smiling at?” Soobin mumbles.

Beomgyu can imagine him side-eyeing while keeping up with his game, but he doesn't turn to confirm. “Kai texted me,” he giggles.

Messages don’t matter much, he can hear teen Beomgyu saying, but the Beomgyu of the present will think about those messages all night anyway.

Soobin laughs mockingly, but sweetly he says, “whipped.”

Beomgyu cleans everything in the morning. He pushes the boxes to the sides and throws clothes inside their respective rooms like a sorting machine. He does it on his own because Soobin said he got himself a date (one of those that lasts all day), and Yeonjun went to work early.

It’s not like Kai and Beomgyu never spent a night together, but Beomgyu can’t help the mess in his heart anyway. Cleaning helps sort things out sometimes. He has a plan: they eat, Beomgyu compliments Kai’s efforts, and he confesses. Easy.

Fucking nerve-wracking too, so he keeps cleaning.

The younger has seen their past apartment destroyed by laziness and tiredness, with socks thrown all around. He’s also seen Beomgyu wake up in the morning with puffy eyes and a dry mouth, and still, Beomgyu can’t hold back from fixing his hair and showering in perfume. He tries to look comfortable in a cool way, with gray sweatpants and a black sweater. The usual combo.

It’s funny how even if Kai has seen the mess that Beomgyu is, Beomgyu still tries to show the best of his mess. He thinks that’s what relationships are all about—sort of, at least for people who are comfortable around each other.

Once the doorbell rings, Beomgyu opens it with fuzzy hands as quickly as he can. It’s not that Kai makes him nervous, not at all (maybe a little) but that he’s set on confessing today.

And there he is, blue hoodie, blue sweatpants, blue sneakers, and his usual bangs falling over his eyes, carelessly.

Kai holds out a small yellow container with both hands and a lopsided smile. “It burnt a little,” he pouts lightly and, once Beomgyu receives the container, his hands are everywhere trying to explain. “But I promise you can’t taste it! I removed the ones that got burnt. It’s a funny story,” his ears are burning, “but I was playing a Cookie Run match and I was carrying the team. I didn’t think I was gonna last long enough so I thought it was fine to play one. We won though.”

Beomgyu would like to focus on the fact that Kai is nervously telling his Cookie Run success story. But Beomgyu is nervous as well, and hand holding isn’t the move, right? What if he’s sweaty? He lets out a huff out of his nose after that thought. He sounds like a fucking teen. But the point is Kai is the cutest right now, with his reddened cheeks and his messy hair, and his pretty puppy eyes.

“It’s fine! I like well-cooked food, Kai-yah,” Beomgyu smiles, moon-eyed, and Kai makes his way inside the apartment with his head low. “You!” Beomgyu points in a rather accusatory way, dramatically to lighten the mood, “sit on the couch! I’ll serve the food.”

“No, no… we can… have it later,” Kai shakes both hands in front of his chest. He talks just like every time Beomgyu catches him onto something, a sort of I am innocent, please stop kind of plea but cuter of course.

The thing is Beomgyu loves pushing people’s buttons, and innocent Kai makes it easy every time. Beomgyu starts to take out two plates from the countertops, while teasingly staring at Kai with a playful smirk, “are you sure? I reeeeally wanted to taste it. I couldn’t even sleep thinking about this moment. I think my whole life and everything I have done was just to get here, with you and your spaghetti,” he does a little dance while talking.

Kai cracks a smile and closes his eyes momentarily. He tends to do that whenever Beomgyu acts in an annoying way, enough to fluster Kai but not enough to break him. And Kai plays along every time, “Beomgyu hyuuuung!” he cries out theatrically, “isn’t it quite early for dinner? It’s 7, you must still have so much to do,” he pouts, voice high pitched like that of a kid, while letting out the puppy eyes. Great use of those, Beomgyu thinks, “don’t you… hm… have homework to do or something?”

They are embarrassing.

Initially, Beomgyu knew he liked Kai because being around him feels safe like this. He can be embarrassing with someone. There’s no room to feel judged for being endlessly extra or wanting to play a bit more than others could endure.

Beomgyu nods, “hmmm… I do have some papers I need to finish, wanna watch something while I write them?”

“That’ll do,” Kai nods heavily, pursing his lips.

•

It’s not a bad plan, maybe a little boring but not bad if Kai is by his side giggling at the screen. They do this often because Beomgyu enjoys having someone around while he works on stuff—someone who isn’t constantly trying to make him stand or engage in the media they watch, but simply stays there comfortably. Kai is a master at that, and his laughter tickles Beomgyu’s serotonin levels, so he works best when Kai is just there.

That’s the thing with Kai. He’s there, quiet, not exactly waiting for Beomgyu but making him company. He chuckles sometimes and he gasps and he screams like he’s the character on screen. He laughs like a kind and goes quiet quickly because he’s afraid of bothering Beomgyu. And Beomgyu is there, huffing at his laptop, chugging in the grape juice he keeps inside the fridge for Kai. He looks at Kai dumbfoundedly because he doesn’t quite understand what Kai likes about what he’s watching but it’s fine because he likes seeing Kai laughing.

And they are there. Both of them just are. Beomgyu, forever trying to name the way he feels about things, can’t name this, but it feels right.

Whatever.

The point of the night is not how much he likes Kai or how those anime characters are all throwing fireballs at each other. The point is that Beomgyu should be confessing instead of writing stupid essays about Korean literature. How is he supposed to confess to Kai in this situation? At home, both in the lamest clothing, sitting beside each other, one watching anime and the other writing an overdue essay?

There must be a way to turn this into a romantic dinner if Beomgyu pulls out the scented candle he uses to sleep. “Shall we eat now?” Beomgyu closes his laptop and leaves it on the side.

“Hmmm,” Kai hums. He fixes himself closer to Beomgyu, holding himself up on his elbows, with his chin on one of his palms, and a smirk on his mouth. Eyes on Beomgyu. Then, with a feeling akin to expectancy, he says, “guess what!”

Kai’s so pretty under every light in every room in the entire world. Beomgyu thinks about this mostly because he can’t stop looking at the way the screen’s blue light caresses the younger’s cheeks, or how the light that enters from the dining room is so soft and warm that Kai’s eyes shine like tiny stars. Beomgyu looks at Kai from above and it feels like the world stops, but he can’t stop himself. Beomgyu lets it out, softly, sweetly, because he means it, “I like you.”

Kai’s eyes open wide, his eyebrows furrow and his mouth morphs into a big o like he’s been wronged somehow. “Hyung! That was my line!”

They laugh. They look at each other and they can’t stop smiling—It’s one of those moments where it seems like an eternity has passed in front of them. And if that’s the way eternity feels, Beomgyu wants it.

Kai sits straight and holds Beomgyu’s face in his hands, he squeezes it affectionately, “you stole my moment to shine.”

“Sorry, I felt like I was going to throw up if I didn’t say it,” Beomgyu’s voice sounds funny because his mouth is being sort of contorted into many shapes (lovingly). They can’t stop laughing, out of nervousness, awkwardness, and affection.

Kai stops, his hands fall slowly on Beomgyu’s shoulders and fake worry covers his face, his eyebrows shoot up, and his eyes go big and round once again, “you’re not gonna throw up right now, right?”

Not really. Right now Beomgyu understands why he feels so light, he doesn’t have to think much about what to say next. His eyes become half moons while he looks at Kai because his smile is so big. He truly can’t keep it in. “you’re so cute right now.”

“Wanna kis—” Beomgyu kisses him.

When their lips meet, Beomgyu knows he’s been missing out—as foolishly and stupidly as it sounds. His body explodes. They kiss softly, loosely, at first, as their lips find their pace. “I like, you, so much,” Kai says between pecks.

Beomgyu places a hand on Kai’s nape, and the other one slowly finds its way to his chest, over the soft fabric. Like that, Beomgyu is the one to deepen the kiss, to ask for permission to make his way freely into him. He opens Kai’s mouth tenderly first and makes his way cautiously, just to lose his mind once Kai’s hands start to roam his body, they run from his waist to his neck, pressing him closer.

Beomgyu gets away first, he heaves a little and though he wishes to continue, this is good enough for now. He smiles at Kai, and it almost feels like they are looking at each other for the first time. It’s his Kai in a blue hoodie and disheveled hair.

“Sorry, you taste like grapes,” Kai beams. “I like grapes a lot.”

Beomgyu looks at him through his lashes, with a hand covering half his face, “shall we eat?”

“Whatever you want,” Kai says, pleased.

“Wait. Was this your plan? Is this why we didn’t eat first?” Beomgyu stares at Kai dumbfounded, but Kai simply stands up trying to hide a proud smirk. Little crazy dude. He’s smart after all.

And the spaghetti? It’s good, it’s much better than Beomgyu expected which means Kai is either gifted, he asked Taehyun for help or he put all the work into cooking it for him. Whatever the reason is, it makes Beomgyu fall deeper. So he eats while excitedly mumbling pleased ‘mhmm’s.

Or maybe he’s too happy he can’t feel anything else.

He doesn’t know, but for now, he’s alright thinking Kai is a great cook and maybe they can survive if they are ever left alone together.

It’s a picture of Kai at the convenience store, he’s smiling widely at the camera with sleepy eyes and messy hair. Yeonjun recognizes that he’s wearing one of the many grey hoodies Beomgyu owns. There isn’t much to the picture but Kai’s hand being lost from the frame, probably trying to stop Beomgyu from taking it. The caption is simply a bunch of red hearts. Yeonjun smiles at his screen. “They are dating now?”

“Who?” Taehyun leaves the kitchen so quickly, that he forgets to leave the knife behind. He does that often whenever he feels like missing out on something. Yeonjun turns the screen on him. “You didn’t know? He confessed two days ago.”

“I’ve been working, baby,” Yeonjun pouts, and he talks like life’s being sucked out of him (this is partly true), “but I heard Kai cooked pasta.”

Taehyung giggles, “he was freaking out that day. It was cute. He made me promise I wasn’t gonna help him cook anything at all cause he wanted to do it all himself. He even printed a recipe he found on the internet and read thoroughly through it every five minutes.”

Yeonjun’s hand reaches for Taehyun’s wrist, and he caresses it with his thumb while watching his boyfriend, “so you just watched like a proud teacher.”

“I didn’t have any option even if I wanted to help,” Taehyun pouts. He doesn’t do that often, so Yeonjun’s heart does a flip, “I sat on the couch cheering for him though.”

“You’re so lovely,” Yeonjun stands up, he pats Taehyun on the head and leaves a kiss on his forehead right after. Softly, he then says, “let’s cook together tonight.”

Taehyun smiles widely, and his eyes are full of endearment when he looks at Yeonjun putting on the apron. “Guess what, hyung,” he whispers as he wraps his arms around Yeonjun’s waist, helping him tie the straps. Yeonjun looks at him from above and he mumbles happily what is it? while carefully cradling Taehyun’s face in his hands. Then Taehyun whispers sweetly, “I love you.”