Chapter Text
Under closed eyes, a series of disorganized memories flowed through his mind. Each one was a tragedy in itself, yet as they played back to back, somehow, the pain didn’t stand out. Suffering was never out of place for him—tragedy was the essence of his life.
His days had been so erratic; he’d lived on every part of the solar system accessible to humans: on earth, on mars, and in landing castles. During which time he’d served as a slave, fought as a soldier and emerged as a count, fighting his way up the social hierarchy. Perhaps through someone else’s eyes, he was a highly achieved individual who’d had the chance to experience almost everything. But in reality his life was a mess; it was a viscous cycle of mistake after mistake after mistake, and in the end, the consequences had cost him everything.
Maybe in another life the chance to live as a civilian would be granted, but that was in another life; he had to put an end to this one first. Exhausted beyond belief, it was time to take a break—time to eternally let his soul rest.
Under closed eyes, the last of Slaine’s memories glided across his conscience, inky blackness swallowed up the final images and then a moment of nothing ensued.
“hey, don’t go to sleep yet!”
A breathless voiced ripped through the silence of his mind and an illusionary hand tugged at his collar, forcefully dragging him out of the murky waters.
No! I can’t do this anymore! Please… let me go…
“Wake up! ”
No! Slaine tugged at the roughly woven fabric which still covered his entire backside while visibly hugging in to himself. Go away!
Above him, Yuki watched as the body beneath the blanket curled into a protective cocoon. She exhaled, releasing a breath of air that she’d unconsciously been keeping—perfect, he’s still awake. Obviously her company was unwanted, the prisoner had clearly just ignored her and she was confident that it wasn’t because he was deaf. His blatant refusal to listen to her drew upon a deep-seated stubbornness that she’d initially developed as a means to counter her brother’s outrageous ideas. She knew full well that Inaho had never intentionally tried to aggravate her, but regardless, she swore that his actions and decisions kept her at a high risk of heart disease. Sometimes, she just wished that he would listen to her— wished that she had the chance to play the role of the sister that she was. Unfortunately, living in a time of war had refused her of that privilege.
She could never persuade Inaho to listen when it mattered, but with this inmate she pledged that she would at least get him to eat something. It was just food; it shouldn’t be too challenging to have him accept it. He was dangerously thin, and the possibility of a lifeless carcass standing in his place the next time she returned freaked her out. She would not have that, life was too precious, the war had taught her time and time again.
Aware that she wasn’t going to catch his attention by simply telling him to wake, Yuki tried a more daring approach.
“If you don’t rise now, I’m going to call the guards.”
It was lie of course, but this was the only card she could play. Intuition had given her the inkling that he wasn’t too fond of the guards. Obviously, people didn’t just decide to cram themselves under a bed; he definitely hadn’t done it to entertain himself.
Confident in her deductions, Yuki waited for a reaction from the other side. However, the figure beneath the bars lay unresponsive to her threat. Had he completely closed her off?
Unbeknownst to her, the prisoner was listening intently, and her threat had almost worked.
Slaine’s shallow breaths grew heavy at the mentioning of the guards. He was only a hair’s width away from panic when his reasoning settled in; reminding him that there weren’t any guards to alert. Considering that the woman herself was most likely not a new member of the prison staff, Slaine surmised that her threat was indeed a bluff. He therefore chose not to acknowledge her attempted blackmail.
Outside, Yuki’s patience was growing thin. For a short while she even contemplated calling Inaho, but soon enough decided against it. Inaho was busy at the moment, she didn’t know what the crisis was, but the face he had worn as he stepped out of the house this morning betrayed his attempt to hide the trouble. Plus, she wasn’t even supposed to know that someone was in this building, Inaho had deliberately kept it from her.
Instead, Yuki reached into her backpack and produced a phone from its depths. The late hours had painted the interior of the chamber almost completely black. Her only means of seeing inside involved the usage of her phone’s blinding camera lights. A flashlight would have also been sufficient, had the batteries not been previously exhausted.
Passing her finger over the flashlight icon of her phone, Yuki shined a steady beam of light through the bars of the window. She felt rude for interrupting the man’s sleep, but she had no ill intentions. Bringing her phone up to the bars, she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear before leaning in closer to get a better look. Yuki was slightly disappointed when she saw that the man remained under cover; she had thought he would remove the disguise.
Shifting her line of sight away from the bed Yuki examined the rest of the cell. Just then, her balanced faltered sending her face first into the wall and poles and a heavy ‘clatter’ echoed through the silence. Apparently, choosing to crouch with energy drained legs was not the best of choices. One second later, she watched, wide eyed, as her phone crossed the gap between the metal making its way down the interior of the chamber.
Slaine felt an unidentified blunt pressure beat his hip bone when the phone hit him above the blanket, it skipped off his body, catching on the ruffles, and slid to a rest at his side. What was that!? The uncertainty of not knowing what it was or what it entailed elicited a fear to well up inside him.
“Aaah, again?! Does your cell often have the tendency to rob electronics?”
The woman’s words dissipated his anxiety, and along with it a nervous chuckle flowed out of his lips, more for relief then humor. He subsequently became aware of the fact that he'd just made a noise.That was bad, had she heard that?
The night was too hushed for Yuki to have missed it with her ears next to the window. A grin graced her features; she hadn’t been blocked out.
“Um, sorry but could you help me get my phone?”
There was no use ignoring her now, the woman knew he was listening to her, and that probably meant that she wasn’t going to give up. Unlike a moment ago, the unyielding force which beckoned him to end his life subsided. It didn’t matter when, he would die regardless of whether he returned her phone or not. Carelessly, Slaine started prodding around at his side, when his hand landed on the solid frame of the phone he mentally took note of the spot and slipped an arm out from under the blanket; retracting it once his hand grasped the rectangular object. At the same time, he placed both elbows on the bed and hugged his knees in to his chest.
Letting the prisoner take his time, Yuki felt a mild sense of déjà vu as she watched him struggle to move for the third time in one night. He stood up with the same, If not more, amount of effort that he had exerted just half an hour ago. Patiently, she waited as the same slim fingers hooked around the metal bar and moments later he sent her phone across the space in between. Rapidly, before he had to time to loosen his grip and pull away, Yuki thrust her hand through the gap with precision closing a fist around his wrist, it was cold and thin... far too thin.
The sudden contact took Slaine by surprise and he hardly had the time to react before he was locked in place. Immediately releasing the pole by reflex he jerked his arm away from the hold, but it was too late, she’d already established a firm grasp around his wrist.
“what is the meaning of this?”
The tone in his voice held vehemence; living in Verse had trained his mind to always assume that the worst case scenario was a reality.
“Please don’t worry; I’m not going to hurt you.”
With a stable voice Yuki tried to calm the man down, She then proceeded to explain her intentions.
“You weren’t listening to me before so I was kind of worried you’d return to ignoring my presence once I had my phone back. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Slaine silently exhaled, her explanation made sense, but he refused to let all of his defences down. There was a slim chance that she could be lying and he would not risk it.
“Is that so? I’m listening now, so could you kindly let go of me?”
Had he not been suspicious of her goal, his words would not have been so rudely—by his own standards—pieced together. However, even when he was weary he made sure to not sound demanding in any way. A certain fear had been engrained into him during his time on Verse; he knew far too well the consequences that thoughtless words could provoke.
“…Unfortunately I cannot.”
Yuki still wanted to keep the upper hand. She would not release him until he accepted her gifts.
“Why?”
Slaine’s furrowed his eyebrows; had he been correct? Was she aiming for something else? As long as that something had nothing to do with his death however, it did not matter.
“I’m not a hundred percent confident that you won’t disappear on me the moment I do so.”
Slaine sighed, he wasn’t intending to ignore her again but it appeared that this Woman was equally weary of his behavior. Finally, he decided to give in to her, the conversation would end faster. Already, His legs were starting to tire from standing.
“Then what do you want from me?”
Yuki felt somewhat annoyed at his reply. She could sense his eagerness to get rid of her; did he hate her that much?
“Nothing, I don’t want anything from you. In fact I want to give you something”
It took Slaine a moment to process her comment.Had he heard that right?
“What? I don’t think I know who you are…” He couldn’t check since looking up also meant letting her see him.
“Actually, I’m pretty sure you don’t know me, but that doesn’t matter. I wanted to give you this as a thanks for returning my tablet just now.”
When she finished speaking, Yuki awkwardly reached for her backpack pulling out the jacket and a Yakisoba pan (bread) that she had bought earlier. She put the jacket on her lap, now kneeling on the grass, and offered the bread to him. She then noticed that he couldn’t see what it was so she voiced out her offerings.
“Here, I brought you a jacket and Yakisoba pan”
Yakisoba pan? Slaine had never heard of it before, but he could tell it was a bread of some kind. Now he felt conflicted, accepting her gifts meant that he would have to make use of them, but he did not want to, food and warmth meant life and he did not want life. However, there was also a high possibility that she would not leave until he took them from her, she was stubborn, he could tell. With nothing to lose Slaine attempted to refuse anyways.
“I’m sorry but as much as I’d like to accept them, I cannot. As you can see I am in prison, accepting your gifts could potentially lengthen my sentence.”
What he said was presumably true except Yuki knew that there weren’t any personal around at the moment. In fact, she had been surprised that the man hadn’t already been moved to different location. Something fishy was definitely going on here. She would have to do some research when she got home.
“It’s alright, no one’s around to discover our illegal act right now, they should all have evacuated. As long as we keep it a secret, no one will find out.”
Although she knew he couldn’t see it; Yuki pressed a finger to her lips, forming the universal quiet sign, as she finished the last sentence.
Slaine was dumfounded, was this woman willing to break the law just to provide him with food and warmth? Was she incredibly kind hearted or just naïve? He could not tell. He also mentally noted her mentioning of an evacuation. So everyone had evacuated, why? Certainly something was going on.
“You… are you aware of what you’re trying to do right now? You’re attempting to break the law; that could easily put you in the same position as I’m in right now.”
Yuki appreciated his inquiry it suggested that he cared for her wellbeing, she was starting to like this man.
“I work in the military so I’m conscious of the rules but I can’t just watch you die, that would be too cruel. Accept the bread and jacket. I’ll take responsibility if anyone finds out.”
This Woman was just way too kind, and Slaine felt that her kindness was wasted on a dead man. She couldn’t save him, not from himself at least and he questioned if she would even try to help him if she knew who he was, probably not. A clenching ache squeezed his heart the more he thought about it. No one would willingly risk anything to save a mass murderer like himself. He deserved to wither away trapped in prison.
“Why do you go that far, for a criminal like me?” He had to stop his voice from cracking.
“I deceived, I stole, I killed… I’m not worth the risk.”
The man’s words tugged at her heart strings, It was evident that his crimes had never stopped torturing him, even now. Hesitantly Yuki spoke with a soothing tone.
“A year ago, in the war, my younger brother lost his eye. I honestly thought it was over when I found him, drenched in a pool of his own blood. We rushed him to the hospital as fast as we could, but the best we could do was remove the bullet and stench the flow of blood. The next half a year was a waiting game. During that time, I thought a lot about our lives: in the past, and in the future. It occurred to me that he’d lost the chance to do so many things. It’s the same with you, you can’t atone for your sins if you die right now, it’d only be a painful death. I didn’t want to see him lose those chances, and I don’t want to see you losing them either, Life is precious, you can’t just go throwing it away.”
Slaine swallowed the lump in his throat, he had indirectly, through the war, caused so much sorrow to befall this woman, yet she was helping him right now because she didn’t know who he was. Her selflessness was shredding his heart to pieces.
“I’m sorry… to hear that” His words held a double meaning to which Yuki only understood one of them, and it wasn’t the one he truly wanted her to hear. He wished that he could give her a true sincere apology, but if he unveiled his disguise she’d probably be too enraged to accept it. That was how much he deserved to be hated by her.
“If it’s alright, may I ask for your names?” He would at least remember their names.
Yuki thought his inquiry was kind of unusual for the current situation, but regardless she gave them to him. It was good that he was taking the initiative to talk.
“I’m Yuki, Kaizuka Yuki, and my brother’s name is Kaizuka Inaho…”
The rest of her sentence was lost to him. Inaho, Kaizuka Inaho. his eyes were wide open ,never mind indirectly causing her pain. He was the one that sent the bullet straight through Inaho’s head, aiming for a kill. His knees buckled, He couldn’t do this anymore. He wanted to perish. The world was so big, yet no matter where he was or who he met; he had no right to live among them. He had caused too much anguish for too many people.
Yuki didn’t have the chance to ask for his name in return because suddenly she felt as though she was lifting a sand bag; the man’s entire weight was on her arm.
“Wha…! Hey… are you ok? What’s wrong?”
Although he wasn’t heavy—quite the opposite in fact—she was glad that she hadn’t slacked off during military training and weight lifting. Otherwise she would have lost her grasp on him.
“Hey! Seriously! What’s wrong!?” Yuki’s voice was laced with alarm, he wasn’t answering, and since she’d met him he’d been in a bad shape. What if he was chronically ill? She can’t help him from outside, and there wasn’t anyone else around at the moment. What was she going to do?
“Please let go of me” Slaine only marginally heard the woman’s frantic voice, he didn’t care, he just wanted her to let him go.
“What’s wrong? All of a sudden,” Briefly Yuki’s concern was washed out by relief, but then confusion filled in the spot. What was going on—what had gotten into him?
“let go… please… I’m begging you,” Slaine’s voiced started to quiver, He couldn’t stop the burning sensation of tears in his eyes.
“I’m not letting go until you tell me what’s going on,” In a stern tone Yuki demanded an answer from the man. She then reverted back to using her soothing voice, “And you have yet to accept the bread and jacket, I’m not giving up, just so you know.”
“You don’t understand, I’m not a someone you should be helping.”
He wasn’t a person anyone should be helping for that matter, but in particular Yuki—Kaizuka Yuki—should not be helping him—the person who’d shot her brother at point blank.
His word choice was not lost on Yuki. This man was in some way connected to her, or more likely, her brother.
“Have you done something to Naoh-kun?” She decided to ask him directly “,if that’s what it is, he’s fine right now, and that boys strong, he’s probably forgiven you already.”
Forgiven? There was no way Inaho had forgiven him; no sane person would, after losing half of their vision.
“It’s not that simple, I... I don’t deserve to be forgiven,” he slowly shifted his weight back onto his own feet. The pain in his left shoulder, the one that he’d essentially been dangling from, was becoming intolerable.
“Well then that’s something between you and him, it doesn’t concern me and he won’t get angry at you for listening to me. It’s okay you know”
What was okay!? Nothing about this was okay! Slaine wanted to rip off his disguise to prove his point, but at the same time he couldn’t do it. He found that he craved the care that Yuki was giving him; it’d been so long since anyone treated him like a human. He was utterly disgusted with himself. When had he become so selfish that leaching off someone’s kindness was alright. Maybe his true form was the evil dictator, and he just hadn’t known it.
Yuki pushed the Yakisoba pan through the window.
“Take it, I won’t accept no as an answer.” At this point she wasn’t even sure why she still insisted on giving him the bread. Perhaps it was because she had promised herself earlier to not stop until he took a bite out of it. She mentally sorted out her facts to form a better argument.
”If you still feel sorry, I’ll consider it an apology if you eat the bread…” Yuki paused for a moment wondering if she should make him wear the jacket too. Might as well get him to wear it as well since his wrist felt like a bar of ice “…and wear the jacket.”
Slaine was emotionally spent, there was no winning her. He let himself pretend that what she said was true, and that he’d be evened with her by accepting and making use of what she offered. It wasn’t that easy of course but he wanted to fake that it was. He wanted to lift the burden off his shoulders, even if it was only for a short while. Single handedly pulling his blanket completely over his head, Slaine made sure that it wouldn’t slide off of him. He then reached up feeling for the window. Yuki recognized his movements and she quickly guided the bread into his hand, not wanting him to second guess himself.
Tenderly, Slaine held on to the cling wrapped object and brought it down to his level. He could hear the jarring vibration of a zipper running along the metal pole as Yuki shoved the jacket through the window. Luckily, the one she had brought was a made of a thin Gor-Tex and fit through the slot easily enough. Having nowhere to place the bread Slaine dropped it on to his bed and returned his hand to the opening above. When he took hold of the jacket Yuki let go of it enabling him to receive the folded material.
He then paused, “Yuki... san? can you let go of my arm now? It’s starting to feel numb.”
“your arm? Oh! Um, sorry,” Yuki had completely forgotten that she'd been holding his arm. She noticed, the position she was holding it in effectively drained his blood. She let go at once.
Slaine slowly retracted his limb allowing his shoulder to adjust to the movement, minimizing the pain. He massaged his wrist and flicked it a few times before setting his arm at his side.
“Sorry, does it hurt?” Yuki felt a twinge of remorse as she knew she’d been squeezing the heck out of his wrist at one point.
“It’s ok, I think it’s bruised but it will heal,” He didn’t particularly mind it.
Bruises on his body were as common as bats were in a cave back when he lived with Count Cruhteo on his landing castle. Basically they were everywhere that didn’t show on the surface.
“Sorry, I’ll bring you something to put on it tomorrow.”
Slaine felt a sense of dread wash through him “, you’re coming back tomorrow!?”
“I’m going to be around here for the next week or so, so yeah I’ll be back tomorrow” Yuki turned her phone on to check her schedule to be sure she was alone tomorrow. Visiting him would be too risky otherwise.
Slaine didn’t care anymore, he could wait for one more week, there was no deadline for suicide.
“Oh... I see”
“AH! It’s already ten! I need to head home, Naoh-kuns waiting,” She was supposed to be home by nine o’clock today. Inaho had said he would explain himself when he got home tonight. She'd asked him what was troubling him this morning.
“But before that, I need to see you put on the jacket and eat the Yakisoba pan.”
Slaine sighed, with nimble fingers he unraveled the jacket fitting himself in to it and zipping it up to his neck. He pulled the hood over his head and and tugged at the string in the front tightening the rim of the hood around his face so it wouldn’t come off. He slipped a few pieces of hair back inside the hood and finally flung the blanket off of his body.
Yuki was again let down as she noted that he was still in disguise. The only difference was that now she could clearly see how thin his frame was. It looked as if one could just snap his limbs in half.
Slaine continued to follow her orders picking the bread up off the bed he removed the cling film on one side. He stopped for a second to observe the bizarre creation; it resembled a sandwich of sort except the middle was filled with noodles. How was he supposed to eat this? Do you eat the noodles first and then the bread? Or do you eat it together? He didn’t know.
Yuki caught his hesitation and urged him on “, Just try it, it tastes pretty good.”
After a long moment of contemplation with no answer, Slain went with intuition and bit into the bread and noodles together. She wasn’t lying; Cold as it was, it still tasted fantastic.