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Jon hadn’t meant to fall asleep. He really, truly, hadn’t.
He was supposed to be watching Shawn, who was supposedly asleep on the couch. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. But he did anyway. His eyes needed the rest and the weights on his eyelids were getting too much to hold up. He blinked and suddenly he was dreaming.
He woke up, though, when a scream ripped through the silence. He jolted awake and nearly fell out of his chair with shock. It took him a second to register what was happening and he focused on the boy on his couch.
His mouth was still agape and tears welled up in his eyes. He began to sob hysterically. In all honesty, Jon had no fucking clue what to do. He’d never had to deal with this even when Shawn had first lived with him.
Jon reaches towards Shawn in the dark. His hand lands on Shawn’s knee. Shawn tenses more before relaxing. Jon sits on the couch and pulls Shawn to his side, wrapping an arm around Shawn’s shoulders and covering one of his ears with his hand and the other with his side. Shawn’s sobs die down.
“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, you’re okay,” Jon coos into Shawn’s hair. Shawn nods and wipes at his eyes. He moves away from Jon once more and sniffles. Jon leans forward in the couch, resting his elbows on his knees. “Can you tell me what happened.” Shawn wipes his eyes again and turns to Jon.
“Just a nightmare,” he explains vaguely with a forced smile. Jon looks at him sternly. Although Shawn sighs, he says nothing more on the matter. He simply glances at the clock on the wall. Jon follows his gaze. The clock reads 5:28 A.M.
Jon sighs. He has to be at the school by seven, so he can’t afford going back to sleep. Shawn knows that. He has to come as well. That’s another thing he also knows.
Jon stands up and stretches with a groan. He knows he should probably stay home with Shawn, but he has work. And Shawn needs an education. Jon bites the inside of his lip in thought.
Maybe, he thinks, I can bring him to an ice cream parlour with me after school. Maybe, he thinks, that’ll make up for this. He turns to Shawn and opens his mouth, but Shawn cuts him off with,
“I’m going to go take a shower.”
And with that, Shawn stands up. Jon nods. He sinks back down onto the couch, solemn expression on his face as he realizes exactly what situation he’s in.
He’s taking care of a kid with an (from what he can assume) abusive father. One that hadn’t eaten since the day prior. One that’s becoming borderline self-destructive in the way he won’t let anyone help.
One that’s in the bathroom with Jon’s razor in it.
It’s that last thought that gets Jon to his feet. The water’s running in the bathroom as Jon approaches it. He knocks on the door vigorously, chastising himself for even thinking that Shawn wouldn’t pull something. Because he knows Shawn. He knows the kid will do whatever it takes to get his way. He’s stubborn and headstrong and-
“What do you want, Jonathan?”
-alive. Jon lets out a breath of relief. Of course he’s alive. Why wouldn’t he be? Of course he wouldn’t pull something like that. Jon hates himself for ever thinking otherwise. He let his own worrying cloud his judgement and let it paint a false narrative. Of course Shawn’s okay. Jon would never be able to live with himself otherwise.
“Just hurry up in there, would ya? Ya got like, forty minutes kid and I need a shower too.” Jon hopes he covered up his anxieties. Shawn chuckles quietly, and Jon can practically see the kid roll his eyes.
“Yeah, okay, I’ll go quick, old man.”
Jon nods to himself, not fully aware that Shawn can’t see him, and goes to sit back on the couch. His leg bounces impatiently as he waits for Shawn to finish.
He turns on the television in the meantime. It might be a good distractions for Shawn later when the two of the inevitably talk, or a distraction for Jon now to keep his mind from racing to the darkest places.
Shawn is safe here. Jon knows that Shawn’s safe with him, because Jon knows himself well enough to know that he won’t allow any harm come to Shawn, but he doesn’t know if Shawn feels safe with Jon. Either way, though, he seems to be enjoying himself in Jon’s company.
It takes five minutes for Shawn to finish showering. He comes out with pajamas on and a red and blue robe. Hesitantly, he sits down on the couch next to Jon, looking at him with wide - almost scared - eyes. Jon sighs and looks down.
“It’s okay, Shawn. I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to talk.”
"I-I know that," Shawn adds defensively. Jon nods, the 'I know' goes unsaid between the two. They lapse into another brief silence before Jon clears his throat.
"You wanna tell me about that nightmare?"
And Shawn sighs. Jon can see the way his features scrunch in contemplation before he finally lets out a harsh breath and nods solemnly.
"I was in the trailer park,” he starts hesitantly, “with- it was, uhm, you remember my half brother, Eddie? Well, it was, it was his gang and they were chasing me, and... They caught me and..."
Shawn trails off as tears pool in his eyes. His hands are shaking a lot more than they used to. Jon pulls him close and holds him.
"Shh," Jon soothes, his fingers running through Shawn’s hair and smoothing out the tangles. "It’s okay, Shawn. I won’t let them hurt you."
Shawn sobs into Jon's shoulder, and Jon holds him tighter. Shawn looks up at him, tears running down his face, and nods again.
“I’m- I’m sorry.”
“Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
Shawn hiccups and burrows his face further into Jon’s chest. His tears don’t let up, and he’s holding onto Jon like he’s the last thing keeping him on the planet. Jon pets Shawn’s hair, trying to calm him even a little bit.
“Don’t leave me,” Shawn begs in a quiet voice, though his voice is thick and tears actively stream down his cheeks. Jon presses Shawn’s head further into Jon’s sweater.
“I won’t. I promise you I won’t leave you, kid.”