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Haruka called them 'ominous dreams.' Every scene in them seemed surrounded by a black, foggy edge —a perfect fit for the darkness they always brought with them the day after— and he hated every second of them.
The first time he had one of those dreams, he woke up drenched in sweat and panting as if he had been running a marathon.
A feeling of unease that he could not explain made it impossible for him to go back to sleep.
In his dream, he saw a fishing boat sinking, battered by the big waves like a toy ship would be destroyed by the clumsy hands of a baby. He could hear dozens of people screaming even under the loud sound of thunder.
The memory of the dream wouldn't leave his mind for a long time, and the day he and Makoto came across a funeral procession, he immediately knew that it was related to that boat in his dream. When Makoto mentioned, some years later, that what they had witnessed was the fishermen's funeral procession, Haru wasn't even surprised.
Haru's fears about the prophetic nature of his nightmares were confirmed through the years in a variety of misfortunes.
He dreamed that Yuki, Makoto's beloved cat, had gone missing, and he had to pretend to be shocked when his crying friend knocked on his door the following morning to tell him Yuki was gone.
How could he tell Makoto, or anyone else, that he had dreamed about it, and about other bad things before they happened?
Besides, it was not as if knowing what was going to happen meant that he could actually stop it.
He had learned it the hardest way possible when he dreamed about his grandma's heart attack. He had woken up with a start and run to her bedroom, but she was already up and preparing breakfast.
Haru had watched her attentively all day, he had insisted on calling the doctor to get an appointment for her even though she seemed fine —she had refused, of course— and he had told her about his dream, but she had just smiled and said it had been 'only a nightmare', no matter how hard Haru had tried to explain that it wasn't, that he had had that kind of dreams before.
He had even tried to stop her from sitting on the armchair where she had passed away in his dream.
In the end, it was all for nothing. Haru had taken his eyes from her for just two minutes to answer the door, and when he came back to the living room, it was too late.
Even though those hellish dreams were scarce and not always announced death, they always told a story of suffering or loss. Haru had grown up dreading them, and there was a period in his life when he had tried all kinds of things to avoid falling asleep, from secretly drinking as many cups of coffee as he could to watching horror movies just before going to bed to make sure he was unable to relax.
Of course, that couldn't last forever, and soon he found himself having normal sleeping patterns again, probably because his pre-teen body insisted on replenishing its energy as a condition to grow up healthily.
Surprisingly, and to Haru's relief, the dreams stopped when he turned sixteen, as abruptly as they had started. And, for the first time in a very long time, Haru spent years free from the suffocating knowledge that he could predict tragedy, but not stop it from happening once he was awake.
That was why he was shocked —and utterly horrified— when his curse came back, hitting him full force the night before the qualifying race in which Rin and he would swim to land a place on the Olympic team.
In the scene developing before his eyes, he was swimming in a big pool, and because of that magical omniscience of dreams, he knew that it was the last freestyle heat, their final chance to make it to the Olympics together after Rin had failed to qualify for butterfly the day before.
Haru felt he was swimming fast, he had found the right pace. Everything was going fine.
Except for one thing.
One detail that made all the good sensations feel irrelevant, as if they were not enough to stop him from noticing that something was wrong.
He knew he was in the same heat as Rin; they would be swimming in adjacent lanes, so Haru had expected him to be right next to him, but Rin was not even close. When Haru hit the wall, he immediately searched for Rin on the lane next to his, only to find that Rin was just getting there.
The yellow numbers on the big screen did not lie.
Haru was in, but Rin had been too slow.
After all the effort, all the heartache, all the hopes, Rin hadn't made it. And to add insult to injury, the difference in their times had been… very noticeable.
Haru looked for Rin's eyes, which appeared darkened by the swirling storm inside him. He was trying to grin at Haru, but it felt forced. Broken smiles didn't suit Rin, and Haru wanted nothing more than to stop the pain he was feeling.
However, before he had the chance to speak, everything started to fade to black.
"Rin!" Haru woke up with his friend's name burning in his throat, his hand reaching out for him.
He looked at the clock on his bedside table. It was almost time to get up. He sighed with resignation. He wouldn't have been able to fall asleep again, anyway.
He sat on the bed and prayed that it had been just a regular nightmare caused by his nervousness, even though deep down he knew very well what the dream was and, even worse, what it meant.
He pushed back the blanket and ran away to the bathroom, hoping against hope that a hot bath could ease his anguished mind.
***
Haru had decided to keep quiet about his ominous dream, but that didn't mean he had forgotten it. It was replaying in the back of his head time and time again, and it was impossible for him to relax.
Truth be told, the atmosphere in the stadium was pretty tense anyway, which was not surprising considering what was at stake. All the conversations in the locker room sounded like a nervous buzz, like an angry wasp swarm ready to attack.
The situation was unnerving already, and Haru could feel the added pressure of the fear caused by his nightmare in the stiffness in his muscles.
Considering how bad he was feeling, almost as if he was physically ill, he wondered how in hell he would be able to swim as fast as he had swum in the dream.
Or perhaps the issue wasn't going to be him swimming very fast, but Rin not swimming fast enough. What if Rin was the one being ill?
Haru watched him carefully as Rin unzipped his bag. He seemed to be doing alright, and, in fact, he looked quite chill and joyful, as if the pressure wasn't affecting him in the slightest.
Haru supposed that he was just extra motivated and pumped up, but he doubted that had anything to do with what would happen in the race later.
He didn't think that Rin would let something like overconfidence ruin his chances to make it to the Olympics. On the contrary, he usually berated himself after every race or training session thinking that he should do better.
Haru had never meant anyone as self-demanding as Rin.
So far, haru couldn't find any special reason for Rin's —future— low performance. Perhaps there wasn't any. Sometimes you just had a bad race, and that was it.
That only made it harder to try to figure out a way to prevent the dream from becoming a reality. Not that Haru actually thought it was possible to stop it from happening, of course, but a tiny voice in the back of his head kept telling him that he shouldn't give up, that it was worth trying.
Worried that Rin would end up finding his restless behaviour suspicious, Haru tried to speak to him normally all the time, pretending that everything was fine. He figured that, if he could fill Rin's mind with harmless information, his friend wouldn't notice how lost Haru felt.
But, of course, it didn't work the way he expected. Because with Rin things never went according to plan.
"What's wrong, Haru?" he asked with a frown after yet another too-long silence.
"Nothing. I'm just a bit nervous," Haru lied. He even added a slight shrug to downplay the suffocating anxiety bubbling in his chest.
"Yeah, sorry but I'm going to call bullshit," Rin said, staring into Haru's eyes with a look that screamed 'I'm not going to back down, so don't even try.'
"I'm not bullshitting you…" he said almost in a whisper, fearing that, if he spoke too loud, Rin would notice the obvious lack of conviction in his voice.
"Ha! I've seen you when you're nervous, Haru. And this is not it," Rin replied, rolling his eyes.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Haru countered as he fidgeted on the bench, unable to stay still even though he knew Rin would notice him moving since they were pressed against each other.
"When you are nervous you act even more stoic than usual. You act as if you didn't want to pass on your anxiety to those around you and you put on a calm face. That's the exact opposite of what you're doing now. You keep blabbering about irrelevant things and laughing at my bad jokes," Rin explained, his voice starting to show some signs of exasperation as if he couldn't believe Haru didn't realise how obvious it was that he was lying. "Honestly, it's almost as if you were trying to distract me from… something," Rin added then with a slight frown.
Haru thought that in any other circumstances, he would have been happy that Rin knew him so well, but now, it was the worst timing ever.
He sighed. Despite his efforts, Rin had seen through him and had noticed Haru was worried. And he had known immediately that Haru was lying about his reasons to be down.
Not only that, but he had the audacity of confronting Haru about it.
Haru supposed that if there had ever been a time in his life that deserved to be acknowledged as 'The Moment of Truth,' it probably was then and there.
The problem was that he couldn't just tell Rin that he had premonitory dreams and he knew Rin wasn't going to make it to the team just before their race, could he? Especially because he couldn't change what he had seen the night before, so what was the point?
Rin looked him in the eye and squeezed his shoulder, just a sign of support, telling him without words that Haru could trust him, and that he was there for him.
And of course, he was! Because, in spite of their past issues and misunderstandings, Rin had supported Haru when it mattered the most, when Haru couldn't even support himself.
He had helped him find his dream and he had been an endless source of motivation through the years, even when they were apart.
And now, Haru couldn't do anything to pay him back for all that unconditional backing.
He couldn't do anything to avoid what he perceived as some kind of twisted backstabbing —becoming a part of the team while Rin was discarded— even though he understood he didn't have any control over it.
He couldn't just tell Rin: 'Hey, make sure you swim fast today, ok?'
He couldn't do anything to help Rin fulfil his dream.
Unless… he could?
The tiny voice that had been begging him not to give up was now screaming at him, and a game-changing epiphany started to form in the back of his head, fed by the tingling feeling of Rin's hand on his skin.
The answer was just there.
For once, Haru knew what he had to do to stop this dream from becoming a reality.
"I'm not going to swim," he said, realising two seconds too late that he should have made up an explanation before speaking.
Rin let out a gasp. "WHAT THE FUCK, HARUKA?!"
Haru flinched. He knew Rin would have a visceral reaction, but he didn't expect him to shout like that in the middle of the locker room.
Several heads —too many for Haru's liking— turned to them with disapproving looks.
"Lower your voice," he chastised Rin, knowing well that his feeble reply wouldn't be enough for him, and trying to gain some extra time to think of a good-enough lie. "I… I'm sorry, I can't do it," he whispered, making his best to avert Rin's shocked stare.
"Haru, what the hell are you talking about? This is it! You can't just… decide that you're not swimming!" Rin said in a voice still too loud, and the way he clenched his fists made Haru think that he was probably using all his self-restraint to stop himself from grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. "What is happening? You've been off all day. Please, tell me the truth," he pleaded, trying to get an explanation that Haru couldn't offer.
What could Haru say? He couldn't explain that he was choosing to sacrifice his dream so that Rin would have a better chance at achieving his.
"Stage fright," he lied. It was the first half-decent excuse that he could come up with.
Rin, of course, didn't buy it.
"Haru… The truth, please," he demanded, and the desperation in his voice broke Haru's resolve.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Haru replied, shoulders slouched, resigned to be taken for a fool by his friend.
"Try me," Rin said, crossing his arms over his chest, unfazed by Haru's pitiful demeanour.
"I have premonitory dreams. Ominous dreams," he started, sure that it was the kind of explanation that Rin wouldn't let him finish. However, Rin just arched an eyebrow but didn't interrupt. "I know it sounds crazy, but, for years I've dreamed of things that happened the next day, exactly in the same way I had seen them in my head," he continued.
To his surprise, he realised that he felt relieved to say it out loud after so long. Deciding to leave his dream about the shipwreck where Toraichi Matsouka had died out of his explanations for the moment, Haru told Rin about the dreams he had had through the years, about how he had never been able to stop things from happening, and about how he had spent a big part of his childhood trying not to sleep.
Rin's expression morphed from sceptic to worried to distraught as Haru described his experience with his nightmares. "Oh, Haru… I'm so sorry that you have gone through all that," he murmured eventually. "And you have carried that burden on your own all this time…"
Haru felt a lump in his throat. Not only did Rin believe him, but he also was worried about Haru suffering alone. 'Typical Rin', he thought.
At least now it would be easier to make him understand why they just couldn't swim that race together.
"Last night, I dreamed about the race. Your time was bad, so you didn't make it to the team," Haru said, and immediately felt that perhaps he shouldn't have said it so bluntly. Rin, however, didn't seem that affected yet. He seemed to be waiting for Haru to add something else. Haru swallowed before continuing his explanation. "You didn't make it… But I did," he finished, hoping that Rin would understand what he was trying to imply.
He didn't think he was able to voice his plan without choking with emotion. After all, it was hard for him to say goodbye to his dream willingly, no matter how good his reason was.
Rin just stared at him with an unreadable expression for several seconds, probably processing Haru's words.
"So what, you're not swimming because in your dream you were swimming?" he finally asked, narrowing his eyes. "Haru, that doesn't make any sense. First of all, even if you don't swim, my time could still be bad, right? Second, and most importantly… DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT I WOULD ALLOW YOU TO SACRIFICE YOUR DREAM FOR MINE?!" he yelled with an incredulous —and pretty annoyed— expression on his face.
"Don't shout, please," Haru pleaded, trying to cover Rin's mouth. The last thing they needed was to have an audience again now that the other swimmers had finally gone back to their own business.
"Why not? I'm… very angry right now, Haru," Rin countered, although he lowered his voice. "The fact that you think I'd be ok with you quitting so that I can make it is just... Do you really think I'm that selfish?" he asked, and to Haru's horror, he sounded hurt.
"No! I don't think you're selfish at all!" Haru replied. When Rin put it like that, it actually sounded as if Haru thought that poorly of him.
"Well, then?" Rin asked, and Haru was happy that he was at least given the chance to explain.
"You were the one who helped me find my dream, you have always supported me and motivated me, and you not making it to the team while I do is just… not fair, even if it's fate. And not swimming is… well, it's my way of defying that fate," he said, shrugging in a desperate attempt to convey his helplessness, to make Rin understand that he had no choice.
Rin remained silent for what felt like an eternity, his eyes fixed on Haru's.
"No." He finally shook his head, and placed a warm hand on Haru's shoulder, just at the spot where it joined his neck. "I see what you mean, and I appreciate it, but I'm not going to accept it. Do you want to defy fate? Then let's do it together!" he said, sounding more confident and encouraging than ever.
"But… how? If I dive into that pool with you, it will be like my dream," Haru insisted.
"We will swim as one! We are… connected, you and I," Rin said, squeezing Haru's flesh. "We have built something together, Haru, something powerful. And there's no way in hell that we are letting it fade away," he stated, and the fire in his eyes burned with an intensity that Haru had never seen before.
"Rin, you don't get it. If I get into the pool, it will be over for you. It can't be helped. I've never been able to stop a single dream from becoming a reality," he tried to reason with Rin, his voice trembling.
"Perhaps because you were trying to fight them on your own all this time. But I'm with you now," Rin said, soft voice and soft smile feeling like a balm to Haru's anxiety. "'For the team', remember? Being part of a team is much more than swimming a relay together. We're in this together, against all odds. Until the end."
Haru wanted to believe him, he really did, but his dreams just didn't work like that. Rin meant well, but the risk was too high. The idea that a part of Rin, no matter how tiny, could hate him for making it to the team without him, was what terrified Haru the most.
"But what if…?" Haru started to ask because he needed to know that even if he swam and Rin didn't make it, things wouldn't change between them.
"No. No 'what ifs'. No doubts. Believe in me, Haru. Our shared dream will thrash your ominous dream!" Rin said, placing his hands on both sides of Haru's face to stop him from talking. "This. Is. It."
Then, when Haru nodded in agreement, Rin threw his arm over his shoulder, a gesture so natural and familiar that Haru felt instantly comforted.
Of course, he believed in Rin. If he didn't, how would he be able to love him so much?
For the first time that day, he smiled sincerely.
***
Rin grinned at him as they climbed onto the starting blocks. He didn't seem worried at all about Haru's dream being the sword of Damocles hanging over their head
"Ready, Haru?" he asked in a joyful tone, exuding self-confidence.
Haru tried to smile, but he couldn't find his voice to reply. His mouth was too dry, and nervousness was clutching at his stomach.
Rin must have noticed his inner turmoil, because he fully turned to Haru as if he wanted to make sure that his message came across.
"I promise you, it will be fine," he spoke again. This time, there was no trace of amusement in his voice.
Fierce determination shone in his eyes, and Haru wanted to trust him, and to trust his promise, so badly.
He nodded at Rin, hoping that he would be able to convey how much he believed him, and both focused their attention on the pool.
At the signal, they jumped in.
The water embraced Haru in a way that felt welcoming, but it was not enough to calm his nerves.
After swimming a few metres, Haru guessed he could say it was alright, but he knew that meant nothing. Things had also felt alright in his dream at first, too.
Soon, however, he started to experience a feeling of reassurance, as if a comforting warmth was spreading through the water from the adjacent lane, wrapping him up like a blanket and pumping new life through his veins.
Haru felt weightless, as if he was flying. He felt Rin's presence next to him, solid and heartening. It was completely different from what he had experienced in his dream. They were pushing each other, setting the pace for each other.
He remembered Rin's words from many years before.
I'll show you a sight you've never seen before.
They had swum together many times after that, and, in a way, Haru was used to that sight already, but now, he felt that a new one was appearing just ahead of him.
It was as if a thousand stars were swirling in the night sky, like a scene right out of a movie.
That beautiful picture was what comforted Haru the most, for it was not the first time that he saw that celestial spectacle.
He had seen a sky like that in the past when he had mistakenly believed that Rin was quitting swimming again and had confronted him in a heart-to-heart conversation —which could have very well ended in a love confession if Haru had mustered the courage to reveal his feelings.
It couldn't be a coincidence, then, that the sight appearing before Haru's eyes was the same one that had sealed their tacit promise of walking their path side by side.
What Haru was seeing now was something that they were building with each other, a new light guiding them, an unbreakable thread that bound them together for eternity.
The wall was so close, and Rin was still there with him.
Haru felt stronger than he had ever felt, and he knew that Rin was feeling the same, because he was sure that those twinkling stars wouldn't shine with such intensity if Rin was not by his side, experiencing the same excitement and passion that was pushing Haru forward.
There was no way Rin was going to fall behind in this race. Not this time. Not in the real world. Not when it mattered the most.
With one last stroke, Haru's fingers found the tiles. As he got his head out of the water, there was only one thing on his mind.
Rin .
The first thing he did, even before checking his time, was to search for him.
To his relief, his friend was panting right next to him. And he was smiling.
Haru heard the crowd cheer and he had to make an effort to take his eyes away from Rin and look at the screen.
He was first, Rin was second. The difference was minimal.
He couldn't believe his eyes. He had made it. And so had Rin.
Haru felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. His ominous dream hadn't become a reality, but the dream he shared with Rin, the most important dream he had had in his life, had come true.
Thinking about it, if there was someone who could free him from the curse of his nightmares, it was Rin.
It made sense, Haru thought, since Rin had been the one guiding all his dreams since they met, even if neither of them knew it back then.
It just had to be him.
Haru hadn't realise he was crying until Rin's thumb brushed against his cheek to wipe away a tear.
"We made it," Haru managed to mumble, searching for Rin's eyes in spite of the tears that blurred his vision.
"We made it," Rin repeated with a smile.
And then, without a care in the world, he leant forward and placed a gentle peck on Haru's lips.
And if Haru had seen a thousand stars before, the soft touch of Rin's lips was making him see a whole galaxy.
Before he could react —and push Rin against the pool wall and kiss him senselessly into the flowing week— Rin leaned slightly backwards.
"I bet you hadn't dreamed about this," he said, a huge grin plastered on his face that conveyed a strong will to tease. At least he had the decency to blush a little.
"I had," Haru replied, and he enjoyed the way Rin's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Just… not last night," he finished, the corner of his lips curling upwards.
Rin stared at him, mouth agape. It was clear he wasn't expecting such a comeback, and that seeing Haru's unusual smirk was making him as flabbergasted as if he had suddenly realised he had to question every single thing he had considered an indisputable truth in his life until that moment.
And then, after several seconds of stunned silence, his expressions softened.
"Well, now that is a dream of yours that I'll be more than happy to make come true," he said as he leant in again for a longer kiss.