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The roar of hands clapping is loud in his ears.
But, folding his whip and putting it back into his belt, Jack smiles proudly for the crowd, taking off his hat and bowing to them. He watches as Ken pulls the animals back into their pens, and makes a mental note to reward them later for a job well done.
Felix comes back out and slaps him heartily on the back, grinning at him with his sly grin and staring at him favorably with the deceptive, icy blue eyes that had tricked him all those years ago.
His lips twist into a grimace at seeing them, but Felix's smile never falters as Jack walks out of the ring, Felix's voice rising as he announces the next act: the Minx. Jack never talks to her but has seen her act—she is talented acrobat. She will garner much attention.
He sighs. Anything to keep the attention away from him a little while longer.
Jack exits the main tent where the show is being held, and the light from inside guides his way to his trailer where he can get some peace and quiet.
The floor creaks under his boots as he takes off his hat, putting it on his desk. He pulls the whip from his belt and lays it down too, before collapsing onto the small couch. Without even taking off his shoes, he props his feet up and covers his eyes with his arm, taking a moment to breathe.
He is tired. So tired. But not the sort of tired sleep will be able to fix.
Jack doesn't know how long he lays there before he hears a knock on his door. It opens swiftly and from the sound of dapper shoes on the floor, he knows it's Felix. He removes his arm and looks up at him, squinting. If Felix is here, the show must be over—which means he must have been in a weird limbo state for over half an hour. Unbelievable.
“Good job today, Jack,” Felix says smoothly, the delicate accent in his voice deceiving, as always. “One of your best performances yet.”
Jack remembers when he couldn't detect that thinly veiled manipulation in his voice, when all he heard was someone being proud of him. But now he can hear it, feel it, and know that Felix will say this to him nearly every time just to keep him working at optimum pace.
It brings in the money, after all.
“Thank you,” Jack says, and he knows that Felix knows he's being sarcastic. But he doesn't address it.
The ringleader is quiet for a moment, and Jack waits for the request he knows is coming. Felix never comes to visit him unless he has a request for him—one he knows he can't refuse. Jack isn't in a position to refuse him.
He says, “I was wondering. How close are you to our new recruit, Mark?”
The boy swallows. Mark has been with them for about two weeks now. He's the new strongman after the last one “left,” aka, died. Mark is bubbly, energetic, and just the kind of person Felix takes pleasure in reaping the life and happiness out of. Sort of like Jack himself, years ago.
He and Mark are friends—his only one, practically. Even though he tried not to be. They're closer than Jack's been to anyone in a long time. But he doesn't tell his keeper that as he says, “Sort of close. Not really. Why?”
“Well,” Felix goes on. “If you see him, tell him to pay me a visit, yeah?”
Which means, send him to me pronto. Jack nods and Felix tips his hat, and with his cane in hand, he struts out as if he owns the place.
And he does. He owns Jack, too. He owns everyone in the forsaken circus.
Except for Mark. Mark is free.
But not for long.
~~
He is afraid and breathless as he approaches the lights, the music drawing him in. He stumbles blindly, unaware of the people staring at him, confused, as he tries to find someone, anyone that can help him.
“Are you alright?” a voice asks, and he turns, trembling.
He feels so small as the man stares at him with blue eyes. They remind him of ice. But they are friendly, somehow, inviting too. He whispers, “I need help.”
There's something about the way the man looks him up and down that scares him. He feels naked in front of him. Like he's looking into his very being and sizing him up, judging him, like everyone else in his life. But he's also afraid that he'll be turned away, no value or worth in him like everyone else seems to think.
But he doesn't say any of those things.
“You look it,” the man smiles. “Come with me, don't be shy. What's your name?”
“It's Jack,” he replies, as the man puts an arm around him, leading him to a trailer. “My name's Jack.”
~~
Jack gets up and moves out of his trailer and down the stairs, across the lot. Mark's trailer is across from his, a short walk, and he knocks on the door once, waiting for him to answer.
“Come in!” a voice calls, and Jack enters, looking at the disarray that greets him.
Mark is sitting in front of his mirror, but not staring into it, instead looking at a photo album on the desk. Jack recognizes it as the one he showed up at the circus with, worn and torn at the edges with various stains on the cover. It looks well loved, however.
He would give anything to be so loved.
“Hiya, Jack,” Mark says to him, a wide grin spreading on his face as he sees him. “What's up?”
Mark is so innocent, Jack thinks. He is untainted by the world despite his hardships, and untouched by Felix's poisonous hand. For now, at least. Jack knows this innocence will end very soon.
The thought saddens him.
“Felix,” he says coolly, trying to smile at him. “Wanted me to ask if you'd drop by for a bit. I guess there's something he wants to know.”
Mark frowns. He closes the photo album. “I hope nothing's wrong. I...I've been doing everything he's asked of me.”
“I'm sure it's nothing,” Jack soothes, even though he very well knows what will happen. The same happened to him all those years ago. “He probably just wants to congratulate you on something. Your performance tonight. He does that a lot.”
The strongman sighs at this. “I hope so. Well, thanks, Jack. I guess I'll go see him now.”
He stands, and Jack tries to fight off the urge to tell him to run, while he can, while he can still leave the circus and find work elsewhere. While he can still be free. Not like him. He begins to walk by him and Jack strikes out, grabbing his wrist forcefully.
“Jack!” Mark exclaims, and instantly Jack releases him.
He swallows. “Be careful, Mark, alright? Just...trust your gut.”
This information won't help him. Felix never feels like a threat. The ringleader has spent years making his aura comforting and gentle. The most cautious of people wouldn't feel endangered.
But he hopes. He hopes Mark will be smart.
“I...will?” Mark replies, uneasiness in his voice. “Thanks, Jack.”
He leaves, and Jack watches him cross the lot.
~~
Jack sips the steaming hot tea, careful not to burn his tongue. The man is eyeing him strangely again, tapping his gloved fingers on his desk as he props his feet up onto it, reclining. Jack stares into his cup and tries not to meet his gaze.
“So, Jack,” he starts slowly. “What brings you to my circus?”
“Your circus?” Jack prompts.
The man grins, nodding. “Welcome to Bloody Trapland. I'm Felix Kjellberg. I run this circus with my wife, Marzia. And you, my dear Jack, have stepped right into my parlor.”
“I'm sorry to have intruded,” Jack blurts out. “I just...I saw the lights and...I'm just...so tired and I...I don't know where to go and...”
Felix drops his feet back down to the floor with a loud clutter, and he reaches across his desk to touch his wrist gently. “It's alright. This circus is built on castaways. All of us here were unwanted, unloved, lost, and afraid. You're not the first to stumble upon me this way.”
Jack raises his eyes and their gaze locks. Felix smiles, softer this time. “I have a show in about ten minutes. Why don't you come by and see for yourself the odd family I've created here?”
His kindness cannot be repaid, Jack thinks. So he agrees to come by, and Felix's smile only widens.
~~
Jack's knee bounces up and down as he waits for Mark to return. He waits for Mark to come back with the sad look in his eyes, knowing his fate is sealed for the rest of his life. He waits for the resigned sadness in him, waits for the eccentric energy to be gone forever, but when Mark comes back, he looks the same.
“Oh, you're still here?” Mark says, but he doesn't seem to mind. “I figured you'd be going back to your own place by now.”
He stares, confused. Mark frowns. “What?”
“You're still...” Jack cuts himself off. “What did Felix want?”
Mark's eyes brighten at this. Jack remains confused. “Oh, you were right. He just talked to me about how happy he was. About how I fit in and all. That he feels closer and closer to me everyday, like the rest of you guys. Talked to me about you, too. Said he was pleased that you were finally getting along with someone.”
Jack swears his eyes are deceiving him when he blushes a bit. Perhaps it is the light. “But yeah. He just wanted to tell me that I was doing really good so far in the shows.”
“Did he offer you that candy?” Jack asks, not bothering to hide his bluntness.
It is Mark's turn to be confused. “That blue stuff? Yeah. But I'm not a major sweets person, to be fair. I turned him down. Why are you asking?”
His heart races in his chest. Mark is still free. Jack envies him but at the same time he cannot help but he so happy to hear it.
“No reason,” he lies, closing his eyes. “It's just...good, is all.”
~~
Jack is in awe of the show.
The way that the acrobat moves, the way that the magician produces doves, the way that the unicyclist keeps his balance. He is enamored by the fluidness of it, and the talent. By the time it is over he is shaking with excitement, unable to keep himself from running to Felix as the show closes and the audience files out.
“That was incredible!” he shouts, above the roar of voices. “Amazing, Felix!”
The ringleader chuckles at his enthusiasm. “We all have our talents, very different from each other. But we work together very well, like one giant puzzle. We're a family because we've got no one else.”
He looks over at his assistant. She is small and pretty with soft eyes and soft lips. Jack smiles at her. She smiles tightly back. Felix says, “Marzia here is to thank for the circus. It was her idea to embrace our strangeness instead of hide it.”
Jack's heart swells at the idea. A whole place full of misfits. The unwanted. The people on the outskirts of society. It sounds like just the place for him.
But he had no talents. He isn't special. There is no way he could stay in this place, with these people. He has to have a level of strangeness, but he doesn't. He is average. Boring, alone, and average.
“Damn it!”
Marzia, Felix, and Jack all look over at the magician, a snarl of irritation escaping him as he snapped his fingers, beckoning something. Jack recognizes him as the magician, Cry, he thinks Felix called him. He is looking up at a bird, one of the doves, it appears, high in the beams of the circus tent. Felix clicks his tongue.
“Can't keep your birds in check, Cry?” he asks, but there is a soft tease in his voice.
“Fuck if I know,” Cry comments. “He's just being a big dick. Come on, buddy. Come on.”
Jack watches him summon the bird, but it doesn't appear to want to move. It bobs its head and looks down at him, and he stares at it for a long moment.
He reaches his hand out, not sure why. Jack coos, “Come here, birdie. Come here.”
He licks his lips as the bird pays him no mind. He steps a little closer, to where he is just about underneath of it. Probably a bad place to be, but he goes on, “It's okay. You can come down.”
Jack feels the confused gazes of Cry and the others on him, but he doesn't waver. He shakes his hand a little, calling it down, and miraculously, after a moment, it swoops down, gripping his hand with soft toes. He pets it gently, and the bird coos in pleasure.
The boy looks at Cry and smiles. The mask hides his face but he can feel the shock and surprise. He takes the bird and he feels Cry gaze at him, and Felix whistles.
“You know, Jack,” he begins. “That was pretty impressive.”
~~
“Is it?” Mark asks. “That's cool. Maybe I'll try it sometime.”
Jack wants to advise him against it, but he's afraid that trying to convince him will only make him want it more. So he just shrugs, and rises to his feet, ready to go. He'd stuck around thinking Mark would need to be comforted after his freedom was ripped away from him. But apparently he doesn't need it.
He still has it. Freedom. No reason for Jack to keep taking up the limited space Mark has in the trailer.
“You don't have to go,” Mark stops him. “You can stay for a while. We can talk, or something...”
Jack really should say no. He should go back to his trailer and sit there in silence and sleep and get ready for the next day. He should go to the animals and lay with them, petting the lion's fluffy mane and rubbing the bird's neck. He should be scooping up the ducklings and stroking the ram's horns. Like the beast tamer he is. Like his job entails.
He should stay away from Mark to preserve his happiness for a while longer. Any excuse Felix has to crush him, he will take. But Jack is selfish. He wants to be with Mark. He says, “Okay.”
~~
“The beast tamer?” Jack says quietly. “I'm not...I don't think I could...”
“Cry's doves don't come to just anyone,” Felix cuts him off. “You seem to have a gift for it. And we have no beast tamer—we've been lacking in that department. No one ever quite fit. But you do. You don't have anywhere else to go, do you?”
Jack shrugs halfheartedly, because he doesn't. He's long gone from home and no one wants him. He'd been planning on going to his estranged aunt, but who knows what she would say or do...
But really, life at the circus? Is that any life to live? But he feels the ringleader's gaze boring into him and does he really have any other option? This act of kindness is too good to pass up. Here, he has a home. A certain one. One where he won't get into too much trouble.
“Will I really have a home here?” he can't help but ask.
“Once a family member,” Felix says. “Always a family member. That's our motto here. Welcome to the circus, Jack.”
He'd never agreed, but he isn't going to say no, now.
~~
“How did you end up here?” Mark tilts his head.
They had talked about trivial things, for a time. Side by side they sat on the couch, Mark's knee bumping into his as he shook it. But here they are now, hitting the root of all Jack's problems.
Jack closes his eyes. “I found my way here. Not unlike you.”
He remembers the day Mark stumbled into the circus. It had been the day before they'd left for another location. After all the circus never stays in one place for long. But Mark had come in, dirty and afraid, begging for help, for directions to someplace safe, for somewhere to go.
Jack hadn't been smart then. If he had been smart, he would've shoved some money into his hand and hurried him away, before Felix ever laid his icy eyes on him.
Yet here he is, now. Working in the circus alongside him. Everyone loves Mark—it's nearly impossible not to like him. He radiates such an energy that all the sad souls here desperately crave. It's the reason Jack is drawn to him.
Mark seems to like Jack, too. And Jack still hasn't figured out why. He tried so hard in the beginning not to get close to him. But here he is. Talking to him and making idle conversation as if he isn't a poor sap with nowhere to go.
As if he isn't an unwanted wretch, as if he is important.
Jack opens his eyes. Mark looks him dead in the eye and smiles. A strange feeling stirs in his stomach. He feels important, then, like Mark isn't concerned with anything else but him.
“What was that like?” Mark continues. “You know, with Felix. Did he take you under his wing, too?”
“In a sense,” Jack says.
But it's more like he trapped him.
~~
He loves the animals.
Jack is cooing over the lion, rubbing his mane as the beast purrs. He's always had this connection with the animals. All animals. He always feels them somehow, feels their fear or anxiety or uncertainty—and can soothe them. Jack always thought he was strange for it, but he feels so normal, here.
So far, he's been in two shows, and from those two shows, he's been here for three weeks. Each time he's been in a show has been nerve wracking but exhilarating at the same time.
The door opens behind him and Jack turns. The lion growls, low in his throat, and he pets his nose, calming him. Marzia is standing there, her dainty hands folded neatly in front of her.
“Felix wants to see you,” she says, the soft Italian accent in her voice lulling him.
Jack feels his stomach sink, though. Is he in trouble? Has he not done a good job? Is Felix going to kick him out?
He hopes not. He loves it here, now.
Jack follows Marzia to Felix's office, his nice little setup on the outskirts of the circus grounds. She knocks on his door once and opens it, indicating that Jack go inside. He does so. She closes the door behind him, and Felix is sewing something in his hands. It appears to be a doll.
He looks up, a grin curling onto his lips. “Jack. Come in, sit down. Make yourself comfy.”
Nervously, he sits down, lacing his fingers together. He twiddles his thumbs. “You...wanted to see me?”
Felix returns to his sewing. “Mm, yes. Don't look so scared, Jack. All is well! I just wanted to tell you that I'm so proud of you and your work, lately. The crowds love you. The animals take to you very well. I couldn't have made a better choice.”
As he talks, Jack looks at the shelves lining his office. They are filled with dolls. As he trails his eyes along them, they begin to look familiar, somehow, like...
He sees a doll that looks like Cry. And Ken. And...is that Dan? Phil? Minx? He feels confused.
“As I've said,” Felix says, distracting him. “The circus is like my family. Before running the circus, I made toys. I see that you've noticed my dolls. I like to make the dolls of all the people who come and go, just so I may remember them in the years to come.”
He holds up the doll in his hands. It looks impeccably like him. “I'm making you, currently. I hope that's okay. You've been such a grand addition to us, Jack.”
Jack rubs the back of his neck, unable to stop the smile that comes from the compliment. He'd never felt so...loved, before. “I'm just glad that I'm not a burden to you, Felix.”
“Burden? Ha!” Felix laughs. “That's the last thing you are, Jack. Everyone adores you, myself included.”
He sets the doll down on the desk. From one of the drawers, he pulls out a tin. Opening it, he extends it to him. It is filled with electric blue ovals, a sweet aroma filling the air. Candy?
“Here, take one,” Felix offers. “Marzia made them. They're some of the best candies I've ever had.”
Jack swallows. How long has it been since he ate something like this? He reaches out for one.
~~
“Do you wanna go see the animals?” Jack prompts him, changing the subject.
Mark brightens at this. “I'd love to. It'll be nice to get a glimpse of what you do outside of the show.”
Jack cracks a smile at this. He stands, and Mark follows him out of the door, across the field towards the pen, where the animals are kept. He goes in and meets the gaze of the lion, holding his hand out. He growls sharply at the sign of Mark. The strongman takes a step back.
“Hey, buddy,” he whispers, and when the lion relaxes, he pets him gently. “This is my friend, Mark. You don't have to be scared of him.”
He beckons Mark over and he approaches, Jack gesturing for him to lay a hand on him. Mark tentatively reaches up and touches the soft fur, and breathes out, amazement taking over his face.
“This is the first time I've been this close to a lion before,” he chuckles. “Wow.”
“He's a gentle thing, Leo is,” Jack replies, stroking his nose. “Short from Leopold. He's not so scary.”
Mark laughs, soft in his throat. “This is amazing.”
He meets his eyes again. “You're amazing.”
Jack flushes. He looks away and the lion noses at his hand, obviously feeling his distress. Mark backs away a bit, and Jack shrugs, whispering, “Not really.”
“But you are!” Mark retorted. “This is an amazing gift. All I'm good for is making myself look good. This is...this is really a talent.”
It isn't a talent, not really. It's a attribute born out of necessity. He is a caged bird, unable to flap his wings freely and unable to fly away.
He is unable to stop himself from whispering this, “No. I'm an animal caught in a cage, just like Leo here.”
Mark stares, confused. Jack presses his face into Leo's mane.
~~
He puts the candy into his mouth. It bursts with flavor, and he is awe of how sweet it tastes. Jack sighs contently, preserving the taste of it on his tongue.
But then, a pain strikes him in his chest. He curls over and claws at his chest, pulling at the fabric of his shirt. Suddenly, he can't breathe. He's trying to breathe, but he can't. His throat feels like it's closing. Felix's eyes are on him. Why isn't he helping?
“Say, pal, you don't look so good,” Felix coos. “That candy go down wrong?”
Jack squeezes his throat, trying to force the confection out of him. But it seems lodged there, like its grown larger, blocking off all the air.
His vision grows darker. He feels like his chest is collapsing in on itself. He feels like something is being ripped out, pulling at taut flesh, demanding exit. Felix says, “You know, Jack. Here at Bloody Trapland, we love our members to death. Literally, to death. We don't like to see them leave. And I know that you aren't planning on leaving anytime soon, but...”
Jack falls out of the chair. The last thing he sees is Felix looking down on him, a doll in hand, twirling it by its arm. It's his doll.
“But I like to be sure,” he whispers. “See you soon.”
His vision fades to black.
~~
“What do you mean?”
Jack grips onto Leo's mane tighter. The beast growls a bit, to warn him. Jack lets go. “You're so free, Mark. You're free to leave. You don't even know how lucky you are.”
“I don't...” Mark whispers. “Understand. What do you...”
“Do you think for one second,” Jack hisses. “That I'd still be here if I wasn't forced to be? That I'd still be here after three years if I could turn my back and never return?”
He turns his back on the lion, and Mark, and begins to walk out of the pen. Mark jogs after him. “Jack, I don't get it. What do you mean you're forced to be here?”
“So innocent,” Jack mumbles, whirling on him. “Felix is a madman. He coerces all the lost children to this place. And then he traps them. They...we can't leave the circus grounds. Not if we want to remain alive.”
He puts a hand over his chest. “If we even are alive anymore.”
“Jack,” Mark murmurs. “You're really freaking me out here. It's like you're suggesting you're dead.”
“More like,” Jack explains. “We have no souls anymore. They don't live in us anymore.”
~~
He wakes to a flickering light. His body aches. He's lying on the ground.
Jack tilts his head. He rolls onto his side and props himself up onto his hands and knees. He immediately regrets this. A wave of nausea washes over him and he vomits, right then and there, spews of yellow and orange speckling his clothes.
He shivers. Where is he?
“Welcome back. I was beginning to wonder if you were actually going to live.”
Jack looks up, and Felix is watching him. His grin is dark with his sharp teeth showing. Jack trembles in anger and fear as he hisses, “What did you do to me?”
“You should be happy,” Felix sings, his eyes fixated on him. “You are now among the elite few who are privileged to be a permanent member of my circus. It's quite an honor.”
“What did you do to me!” Jack yells, covering his mouth as he feels another roll of nausea coming through. He swallows it down this time. “What did you do to me...”
“Let's just say,” the ringleader continues. “You're in no position to be making demands of me, now. Go on, get up. Clean yourself up, while you're at it. You're filthy, Jack.”
Jack pulls himself up and supports himself on Felix's desk. He wipes at his mouth and glares, demanding, “Tell me what you did!”
Felix rolls his eyes and tenderly picks up the doll of him on his desk. He looks him directly in the eye as he squeezes the little toy with a gentle pressure. Pain shoots through him, and he drops, letting out a cry of anguish.
“Let's get something straight,” there is ice in Felix's voice, now. “I own you. You see this doll? Your very soul resides in it. As long as I have this, you can't leave. If you step even one toe outside of the boundaries of this circus, you'll drop dead. I'm holding your existence in my hand, Jack. Don't test me. Now do as you're told.”
When the pain subsides, Jack rises to his feet. He's shaking and he doesn't look at Felix again, leaving the place with the ringleader's eyes burning into his back the entire way.
~~
He's not looking at Mark but he feels Mark's disbelieving gaze. “That's...not possible. Your soul's not in your body?”
“No,” Jack says. “Surely when you went into Felix's office you saw the dolls, lining the shelves? Ones that looked like your friends, way too similar to be a coincidence?”
“He said that he used to be a toymaker,” Mark murmurs. “And that he made dolls of us because we're like his family. He was...making one of me, too.”
He hears the softness to his statement. Mark is honored by the creation, too. Just as Jack had been. But Felix is already plotting his downfall. He's shattered this much of Mark's beliefs now, might as well continue.
“He said that to me, too,” Jack proceeds. “It's a trick. He makes the dolls to house your soul, then he uses it against you. You're trapped with no way out. Can't leave, but you don't want to stay. What a miserable existence it is.”
Mark is silent. Jack looks over his shoulder at him and he looks so crestfallen. But not as crestfallen as he would look if Felix takes his soul sometime soon.
“You need to leave,” Jack tells him, turning his back on him again. “Leave the circus while you're still able. I shouldn't have even told you all of this, and just...left you to your fate. But...I wanted to save someone if I could. I want to save you. Please, Mark, don't let yourself get trapped here. You don't deserve it.”
His voice cracks. But he sighs. He walks out. He leaves Mark with Leo and the other animals, making a beeline for his trailer. The minute he gets inside he slams the door and jams it with a chair, so no one can get in, and sits on the couch. Jack presses his face into his hands, both hating himself and praising himself for what he'd told Mark.
Jack doesn't want to lose Mark. He is a beacon of light in the dreary circus. He reminds Jack of what it's like to live again, to enjoy the presence of someone else. But he also couldn't bear to see the shine fade from Mark's eyes, trapped like the rest of them.
He deserves to be free.
There is a loud knock on his door, a bit later. Jack ignores it. It grows louder. He ignores it still. The door bursts open, sending the chair flying across his trailer.
He looks up, startled. Mark is standing there, and Jack doesn't get in a word before Mark blurts out, “Come with me!”
“What are you talking about?” Jack demands.
Mark scurries over, sitting down next to him on the couch, their legs touching, considering Jack never gave him room. He grabs his shoulders. “Come with me. We'll leave the circus together.”
Jack scowls at him. “Did you not hear what I said to you? I can't leave! I'm stuck here! As long as Felix has my doll--!”
“Then I'll get your doll!”
Jack lets out an incredulous laugh, gawking at him. “Are you really so stupid? Do you really think any of us would still be here if we could just take our dolls and leave?”
Mark lets out a soft groan of frustration and Jack hisses, “Get out. Just fucking leave and don't come back. Don't turn around. Leave me and just go.”
He wishes that Mark were telling the truth. That Mark could get his doll and they could leave together. Despite knowing that he shouldn't, he wants Mark to tell him he's got a plan, that he can get him out. His heart is racing.
“I won't leave you here,” Mark says. “It's not fair to you.”
“It's not fair to any of us,” Jack replies, bitterness in his voice. Mark can do nothing. He knows this. “But it doesn't matter. None of us can go with you. You can't wrench those dolls from Felix, you can't save us, but we can save you. Now get out.”
Jack turns away from him, bowing his head, and Mark sighs quietly. He leaves, closing the door behind him.
The boy feels alone, and he feels like this night has gone on for much too long.
He wants to break something. He wants to smash things and scream until his voice gives out. God, he's so angry.
Jack desperately wishes he could go with Mark. Nothing sounds better than starting over, leaving with that ball of sunshine. But he can't. It makes him so angry that he can't. And he's angry at Mark for even getting his hopes up about it.
He shakes with a blind fury. He hates his life. He hates what he's become. He hates how empty he feels without a soul in his body and hates Felix so much for making him this way.
Jack grabs the chair that had been tossed across the room and hurls it towards his mirror. It shatters, pieces shooting out all over the place. He screams, and collapses to the ground, gritting his teeth.
Outside, another scream follows. The animals roar to life.
He sits there, his anger boiling to a simmer. He doesn't know how long he remains planted in one spot, unmoving when the clack of heels arrive at his door. He doesn't look up but he recognizes her voice.
“Jack,” Minx breathes, a panic in her voice. “Jack, come quickly.”
When he doesn't move, Minx says, “The animals are out of control. They're on a rampage. You need to come calm them.”
Jack knows if he doesn't get up and calm them down, Felix will have them killed. His silent defiance shouldn't affect their lives. He yanks himself to his feet and storms past her, towards the animals' pen.
When he arrives, he shoves Felix out of the way, who is standing there in a frenzy, and calls out, “That's enough!”
The harshness of his tone is enough to still them. The smaller animals halt immediately, and he's forced to meet Leo's gaze in order for him to stand down. Mentally, he sends out a message, calm, calm, I'm alright now.
This seems to be enough. Jack carefully sets about guiding them back to their pens, locking them up tight. He rests his head against the cool metal before he turns back around, meeting Felix's furious glare.
“Unbelievable,” he snarls. “Your pests just killed two of our attendants. Look at this blood!”
The ringleader indicates the sprays of blood encircling the area. Jack can't help but let out a snide remark, “At least now we know why the place is called Bloody Trapland.”
This only fuels the fire in Felix as he sneers, “Get the fuck back into your hole while I work out what to do with you. I swear to God...”
Jack turns on his heel and goes back, listening to the ringleader curse in what he thinks may be Swedish as he starts barking out orders for things to be cleaned and wiped away.
He retakes his seat amongst the broken glass, and waits for pain to come. Felix is so angry with him he'll probably crush his life out with that stupid doll. Or burn him alive. Or put him through even more pain, somehow.
He rubs his eyes. This is the longest night of his life. He doesn't even know what time it is.
What feels like hours pass and Jack waits, idly pushing around pieces of the broken glass, careful not to cut his fingers. Every now and again he hears Felix yelling, but it soon subsides and all is silent around him.
He closes his eyes, pressing his face to his knees. Jack is still until a soft knocking at the back wall stirs him. He perks up, listens again—perhaps it is the wind—but no, he hears it again, a tad louder.
Despite knowing he should stay inside of his trailer, lest Felix come for him, he creeps out and opens the door, looking around the back.
Mark is there. He holds out one hand, the other holding something he can't see against his chest. “Come with me.”
Jack jumps off of the railing that connect the stairs to his trailer. He whispers, “What are you still doing here?”
“Come with me,” Mark repeats, almost desperate, now. “We don't have much time.”
“I'll fucking die,” Jack snarls, then lower, says, “Save yourself.”
Mark shakes his head. Jack's trailer is at the edge of the grounds. The markers around indicate this. The strongman takes a few steps backward, never breaking eye contact as just before he crosses over, he halts, revealing Jack's doll from his other hand.
“How...” Jack whispers. “How could you have that?”
~~
Mark hears Jack's screaming from inside the trailer and his heart aches. He wants to go back to him and soothe him, but he knows Jack won't take kindly to it. He's far too angry now.
But he can't just leave him. Mark stands by that. He won't leave without releasing Jack of his curse, somehow, someway. He has to get a hold of his doll, somehow. He has to save him.
Mark sucks in a deep breath. He doesn't know why he's so bent on saving Jack, but at the same time he does. Those sad eyes just melt his heart too easily, it seems.
Perhaps he can steal it. Perhaps he can go in, knock Felix out, grab the doll and run. Felix is tiny compared to him—he isn't the strongman for nothing—surely Mark would win that fight?
With no other plan in mind, he begins to head over to Felix's office, where he'd been only an hour or so before. But just as he's about to go in, he hears a shrill cry, one that isn't Jack.
He looks across the field and the pens for the animals are open, with the beasts nowhere to be seen. He can't quite see around one of the tents, but the minute blood sprays over it, he feels the color draining from his face.
Mark backs away. Felix bursts out of his office and demands, “What's going on?”
He doesn't appear to see Mark as he rushes over to the area. The door is left ajar and he sees Minx running towards Jack's trailer. Felix isn't paying attention.
Mark thinks for a moment, and then ducks inside of his office. Quickly he spots the dolls lining the shelves, and after a moment, picks out Jack's little doll. He holds it tenderly, then turns on his heel, ready to duck back out.
But he stops. Marzia is standing there, her expression blank as she asks, “What are you doing?”
“I...” Mark mumbles. He doesn't think he can lie his way out of this, so he tells her, honestly, “This isn't a life to be lived.”
Marzia frowns, her lips curling slightly. “Nevertheless, he gives you a home and work. Are you not grateful?”
“I am,” Mark amends. “It's just...it isn't...”
The ringleader's wife sighs, heavy and sad. “I know. I understand you want to get away, now, just as you wish to free Jack.”
“Felix is crazy,” Mark tells her. “Why are you still with him?”
“He wasn't always,” Marzia replies, her eyes closing, as if remembering something fondly. “He has just lost himself after all of these years. I will stand by him regardless.”
Mark's heart drops, but Marzia looks away. “I will give you ten minutes before I alert Felix of the doll's disappearance, and yours.”
She says no more, and Mark whispers thank you to her as he quickly exits the office, taking advantage of Felix's distraction.
~~
“It doesn't matter,” Mark says. “We can go together. You and me.”
“To where?” Jack murmurs. This life is all he knows now. He's suddenly afraid of this unknown world.
“Anywhere,” Mark replies. Clutching Jack's doll tenderly, he backs up over the circus boundary.
Jack expects pain, excruciating pain unlike anything he's ever felt before. But there isn't any. The doll disintegrates in Mark's hand, turning to ash and falling from his palm. It's scattered by the soft breeze.
But then, Jack feels it. A heavy weight on his chest. He clutches at it, pressing his palm flat against it, but it doesn't clear. The weight remains, bearing down on him, but it feels so...it feels so...
Jack stumbles and collapses forward, but instead of hitting the ground, Mark catches him. They both fall to their knees as Jack presses his face into the crook of Mark's neck.
“I feel...” he whispers. He can feel tears welling up in his eyes. “I feel alive.”
It has been so long since he felt this weight in his chest.
He realizes now he's outside of the boundaries. Mark holds him tighter, as if he won't let go. Jack wants to kiss him, suddenly, overwhelming him.
A sense of love fills him. Because now he can. He can love and not be terrified of it being used against him. But he also can be loved. He feels loved, in the weirdest sense. He doesn't know if he's ever felt like this. Never his parents, or siblings made him feel this way, not even Felix who was supposed to be family to him. He's never been close enough to anyone at the circus besides Mark, so they have not made him feel this either.
He's crying. Jack's crying, now.
But the sensation is lost as voices begin to rise nearby. Mark tugs him to his feet. “Come on, we gotta go, before they catch us.”
He offers his hand. Jack hesitates, but then takes it. Mark squeezes it, smiling that same, broad, happy smile, so innocent. There's so much more to say, though. But Jack thinks that they'll have time for everything later.
“Thank you,” he says, but it isn't enough. He knows it isn't enough. He will never be able to find words that will fully cover what this means to him.
But Mark just shakes his head.
“Let's go,” Mark pulls him by the arm, farther from the grounds. “You're free now.”
How strange that sound, Jack thinks. How strange it sounds to be free. But he nods his head and whispers his gratefulness under his breath again, and again, as Mark pulls him further and further away.
Freedom sound so scary. He is still afraid of this unknown. But he thinks he could go anywhere with Mark and be happy. He would never feel lonely again, more than likely. The thought is satisfying to him. He is so tired of being alone.
Away, away. The two dash into the night, covered by the shadows and led by the light of the moon, hand in hand, unbroken.