Chapter Text
Yuuta turned the ring in his finger lifelessly. It had been a promise once, a sign of his devotion. He couldn’t think about the last time he felt this way about anyone, or anything. He had a personal virtue to always be kind in life despite what happened to him, and what it afforded him was an opportunity on the chopping block. A part of him wondered if it was worth being kind at all, if he should have just played his card in the most vile way possible. Maybe he would live his impure life in place as so many others in his village had. Almost everyone, save the children, committed a sin to protect themselves and avoid falling in the spotlight of the divine.
Almost everyone, save the children. Save him.
Yuuta tightened his fingers around the ring and let out a steady breath. No, he didn’t regret the way he lived, even if it spelled his death. He wanted to be kind, so he was. He wanted to protect others, so he had. He did for them what he couldn’t do for Rika all those years ago. He didn’t regret it. Not … entirely anyway.
When a knock came at his door, Yuuta was hesitant to say anything. He stayed silent and instead slipped the thin chain through his ring, which he then slipped around his neck.
“Okkotsu?” was the muffled voice from behind.
The door soon opened, and he could feel the heat of the world behind him. Someone had been cooking; he hadn’t eaten in hours. He truthfully didn’t feel hungry, not that it would matter very soon. Even those who knew him, now treated him reverently; they treated him reverently and frightfully in equal measure. In the past few days, he watched as childhood friends became distant. They felt for him; their hearts broke even through their polite facade, but there were others, he noted, that seemed almost gleefully dismissive of him. They thanked him for his service, for his faithfulness to tradition. They were delighted that the village would be allowed to live in peace for another ten years. They were just happy that they weren’t him.
Yuuta tucked the ring under his shirt and then stood up. He put on a smile, a skill he had learned over time. He smiled for others who could, even when he himself didn’t have the strength to. It came to him so easily now. So much so that his neighbour, who had already come to lay claim on his home, flinched seeing him.
“Sorry. Is it time? I was just thinking.”
“Oh?” the gangly man asked as he pushed the door open further and stepped inside. “About what?”
Yuuta hummed as he rounded his bed. The bed… It was his no longer. “Just how well everyone else is going to be. When I’m gone, after everything, will you prepare a Summer Field Hotpot? It’s a pretty popular dish, but the kids love it especially.”
The man softened a bit, and for a second, he looked guilty, almost as if he wanted to call the entire thing off. But he couldn’t—he wouldn’t, and Yuuta wouldn’t expect him to. They left the cottage together with Yuuta first leading the way. Most of the village was already out. Somewhere in the distance, Yuuta could hear the children playing in the fields. He knew all of their names by heart; he knew the routine of caretakers who would eventually go to collect them. He could picture each scenario clear in his mind, but it didn’t matter. Those would be someone else’s memories eventually.
Hands reached out for him, thanking him and wishing his soul well in the afterlife. Occasionally, he was paused by a maiden or lad who cupped his face. An admirer that Yuuta had looked into his eyes longingly, it it seemed as if the young man was debating on whether or not to take the plunge with him. Maybe he was the only one, of everyone here, Yuuta felt some remorse for in the end. Yuuta reached up to cup the lad’s wrist and just smiled at him.
“Live for me, okay?”
Denial came with a headshake and was followed with a sob. The young man threw himself against Yuuta’s chest and crushed him close. Maybe if he intercepted death like this, there would be a chance. If only it worked that way. But Yuuta held him and rubbed his back idly, waiting until the worst of his tremors subsided, and then he pressed a kiss to the lad’s forehead.
He met the other man’s eyes and said it again softly. “Live.”
This time, there was a hesitant nod. “Okay.” The word was singular and broken.
Behind him, Yuuta felt a hand on his shoulder, pushing him forward. It was time to go. He would have idled a bit longer, but the faces he passed lessened in genuine sentiment. He could easily point out who was here for lip service and those who had seen it all before and were no longer moved by the proceedings. Something bitter lodged in Yuuta’s throat as he passed them; he kept his eyes forward on the wooden ledge stretched over the ocean.
The villagers crowded behind him, and each of them stopped several feet away from him as his foot came in contact with the stairs. Yuuta began his lonely climb. As he walked forward, he saw the rocky cliffsides a mile out; he saw the choppy, blue-grey waters breaking against the rocks, and he felt…
Nothing.
Yuuta kept his gaze down as he turned to face everyone. These were the same waters that had swallowed Rika once upon a time, but it was different then. Those times were far more desperate; the village had said it was for a reason. They had no choice; otherwise, everyone would have died. The gods, they said, were incredibly displeased. They sacrificed as many people as they could, but Rika had only been a child. Her and many others. Yuuta took in a deep breath and then set his right foot behind him.
“Good-bye, everyone,” he said with some lingering sense of mirth. He reached up to feel his ring underneath his shirt. “I’ll see you all in the end.”
He pushed with his right foot and let his body fall backwards. The world hurtled past him, and Yuuta’s heart raced during the descent. Something primal inside of him was afraid of the fall. Everything inside of him was raising an alarm, screaming that he was in danger. He was going to die—it was too late; he wasn’t safe; he was going to die!
But he didn’t care. Outside of the instinctual fear, he didn’t feel anything at all anymore.
…But maybe he should have cursed them…
“It would have only been fair.”
His body breached the water as if it was breaking through class. The pain spread out across his back and all the way through his limbs; the shock of it all sent all of the air out of his lungs, and his hands flew up to his mouth to try and protect what little air he had left. As his body sank lower, he felt something against his hands. He parted his hands and looked down, seeing the ring drifting up into his palms. He cupped the precious treasure and closed his eyes as if repenting.
If there was a highlight to this all, he would at least see her again, and they would be away from all of this. He opened his eyes shortly after and leaned his head back to stare into the depths. It was better that he saw his end coming, he felt. His body was still screaming at him to do something and save himself. He had to try something—!
Something was swimming at him from the darkness. It was speeding through the turbulent waters, but Yuuta’s focus was starting to waver. He heaved outward, his body finally giving up in the face of both inaction and his fate. Was this one of the gods coming to feast upon him? Truthfully, he had heard the rumours, but a part of him still disbelieved. Arms hooked around him and yanked him through the water.
By this point, Yuuta could barely see. Sharp nails dug into his clothes, down into his skin as the god creature hauled him off. The water rushing past Yuuta’s ears was deafening, and it was the only thing he could probably hear as he was dragged into the darkness.
Yuuta wasn’t supposed to wake up. No matter how painfully he coughed and no matter how deeply his lungs ached, he wasn’t supposed to be awake in the first place to even notice that. He rolled onto his side and coughed up seawater. His fingers scratched against the rock underneath him, and his vision swam when he could finally open his eyes. He had been abandoned and was facing stormy waters. His village was… Gods, he wasn’t sure at all. He could only see landmarks, but he couldn’t make out anything definitive from here.
Water lapped all around him, so he didn’t turn when there was a particular surge. But then there were footsteps, and Yuuta scrambled to look behind him. There was a young man behind him in waterlogged clothes; his platinum hair was flat against his skull, and water dripped down in rivulets down his face. He had interesting marks on his cheeks, and Yuuta couldn’t help but wonder if he was one of the gods himself.
The young man stopped and shook his head. “No.”
The word came through Yuuta’s mind, and the realisation was shocking. “N… no?”
“I am not a god.”
“...Oh.” But Yuuta was experiencing the contrary. “How am I…?”
“I brought you here.”
“Why?”
The young man turned his head down, and he brought up something in his hand. He held a ring between his index finger and thumb, and he realised it up until the wet metal caught in the sunlight breaking through the clouds.
“Why indeed?”
Yuuta was on his feet with incredible speed. Whatever he was feeling was washed away by something cold and near hateful; he reached out to snatch the ring, and the young man-creature-godling let him take it. In fact, the telepath backed up slightly when Yuuta turned his fierce stare onto him.
“This isn’t yours.”
“It would be if I killed you.”
The reply was so simple and undoubtedly true. “But you didn’t. I’m alive.” Yuuta stared back at the ring and was glad that the chain was still there, still in tact. He hastily affixed the jewelry back around his neck. “Now, why? Answer me!”
Yuuta… genuinely couldn’t remember a time he had felt this angry. Rika, of course, but between then and now, it was hard to say. This level of blinding indignation, this kind of bone chilling anger, didn’t feel like him. But it was refreshing. Cleansing almost.
The not-human-being stared up at him with deceptively innocent eyes; he was pretty in a way that wasn’t unnerving, but that’s probably what made it worse in Yuuta’s eyes. If he saw something horrible, he would at least be ready for the end. If he was facing unknowable divinity, he could accept that this cruel tradition maybe did have a purpose. His ire would slingshot, then, to the being in front of him, and all of his hatred would funnel into the ones that demanded these sacrifices.
The young man walked closer and placed a hand over Yuuta’s heart. Yuuta flinched backwards, but those thin fingers tightened in his clothes and tugged him forward. The strength was deceptive; Yuuta was locked in place.
“This is why.” The shorter male stepped closer, his wide eyes locked on Yuuta’s. “Your anger.”
Yuuta wasn’t sure what to say to that.
“Hatred like this usually spoils the marrow. Your meat is still palatable but just barely. But yours is… interesting.” The fingers released him, and Yuuta had to catch himself with a back foot to keep from stumbling into the waters. “I want to know why.”
The hand surged out again, and this time, it knocked Yuuta right in the solar plexus. He went flying back into the water. Even this close to a land mass, it was terribly deep. He started to swim, and he saw the godling dive into the water after him.Yuuta turned his head to watch as the clothing gave way to skin, as the legs bonded together to create a long, knife-like tail. The creature stretched out its hands, revealing long nails and scaled skin. Thin cracks broke through the pale skin, and Yuuta’s eyes widened.
He knew what this was. Not a god, at least not in a typical sense. This was merfolk, a close and equally cursed relative of the siren. Together, they plagued the seas and the skies, and the only reason Yuuta knew anything about them were from stories told by the fishers in the village. He was snagged by the arm and dragged further down. The panic of his hindbrain wasn’t as sharp anymore, but he could still feel his body reacting to the stimulus of an ancient fear.
Would his village even accept him if he managed to make it back? Would he be cursed? Would they let him say his piece after what he had witnessed? Could he convince them that they weren’t gods, but merfolk that they were throwing sacraments to? Would they listen? Would they care? Would the value of tradition be weighed against his words?
The pressure of the water increased around him, and he brought his free hand up to cover his mouth as they plunged into black water. There was so much he still wished to do, but his entire life had been derailed for… for this. Were the others so lucky as to learn the truth before their end, or were they devoured by a pod of merfolk? Maybe it was better if they had been. In the water and out of this life, just as it should have been.
Another touch against his chest and Yuuta’s eyes flew open as he stared at the merman across from him.
“Your people gave you to us?”
Yuuta wasn’t sure how to respond, so he allowed himself to think: “…I’m not the first.”
The hum was physical; it echoed through the water dully, originating from a point Yuuta couldn’t immediately figure out. “I’ve always wondered where our food came from…”
Yuuta, unsure of what else to do, rolled his eyes. “There’s the truth.”
The merman smiled. “Is that why you called me a god? Are you meant to be my sacrifice?”
That’s how it was supposed to go. When Yuuta nodded, the merman reached out to grab his hand. Yuuta’s eyebrows shot up, and he tried to kick away and swim higher, but the merman pinned his arms at his sides. Those wide eyes watched him with great interest. Yuuta could ordinarily hold his breath, but the water here was dense. His lungs felt compressed.
Yuuta had made his peace with dying before, but like this… tortured and toyed with, doomed to be a cursed relict’s plaything. This wasn’t what he wanted; he would rather just be brutalised and eaten. He kicked out and tried to free himself. He felt vicious nails digging into his skin, but he was determined to get away.
His blood stained the water in lazy clouds, and eventually, the merman wrapped his tail around Yuuta’s legs at the knees. Yuuta was set on going down fighting, but the pressure he was under made this a short fight. His lungs protested. Yuuta met the merman’s eyes.
“I beg of you. Don’t do this.”
The merman blinked once, and then the corners of his mouth cracked, stretched out to the circles on his cheeks. Secondary tears formed above the emerging mouth slit, and the creature’s vicious teeth were bared in their glory as the merman spoke.
“Then beg.”
The words echoed from the fissures in the merman’s arms. They vibrated through the darkness, and Yuuta felt their influence reverberate inside his head. He grit his teeth against the command. But his heart and lungs began to squeeze. A hazy voice inside of his mind demanded he obey. His will and the merman’s clashed violently inside of him, but in the end, he was only human; he was fighting a losing battle. Yuuta did the only thing he could by throwing his head back and releasing the air he had left as he screamed beneath the waves.
Yuuta didn’t want to eat, but after everything he endured, he was feeling ravenous. The fish had been just barely cooked for him, but as soon as he felt it was right, he had snagged it from the fire to satiate his growling stomach. The merman watched from the shallow pool he was lounging in; his arms were crossed on the stone as he watched Yuuta tear through the meat.
"Fear is the best way to see truth in a man’s heart.”
Yuuta didn’t respond. He simply kept eating. His body would protest later, but if he lived long enough, he would take that punishment. He pulled the seaweed he dried over the fire and ate that as well. It wasn’t nearly as tasty as what he was used to, but he was glad to work with what he had. The off-white tail lifted behind the merman and swayed lazily in the air. The tail itself looked more serpentine than anything Yuuta had seen in the water, but his experience with such things were woefully limited. Only the most skilled in his village had been permitted to go out into the waters in the first place, outside of the sacrifices, but the roles those two positions played couldn’t be more different.
“I learned a lot from you that I’ve never gotten to see with anyone else.”
Yuuta dropped the bones of the fish into the fire and sighed around his mouthful. “Well, I’m glad I could help you on that front,” he thought back. There was a positive to this entire exchange, at least; he could “talk” with his mouthful, and the creature wouldn’t take offense.
A wet slapping noise sounded when the merman’s tail went back into the water. “I’m called Toge.”
Yuuta froze then and stared at the merman. “Excuse me?”
“Toge. It’s my name—I feel it’s only appropriate for you to learn something from me as well.”
It was… a hard exchange to feel very good about, but Yuuta was at least glad that the merman had no interest in stringing him along for now.
“I’m not hungry.” Toge smiled when Yuuta looked at him again, almost as if forgetting they were connected in this way. “I had already eaten before I got to you. I was just going to take you back.”
“To your kin?” Yuuta asked out loud, and when Toge nodded, he tried to drum up some feeling of dread, but instead, he just… laughed. Yuuta rubbed the back of his neck and faced the fire this time. “Small mercies, I guess.” Now they were just waiting it out until Toge got hungry again. Who knew how long that would take.
In the corner of his eye, he saw Toge uncurl his arms and set his palms down flat on the stone. The merman pushed up and drew up a newly formed leg. His lower half was always covered by black, tattered shorts that fell down to his knees. He looked every part of a lowly boat hand. Though, his skin was too pale for seafaring. He would burn under normal circumstances, but his disguise was terribly perfect. Toge sat down beside Yuuta and curled his arms around his drawn up legs.
“Your conversational skills are good,” Yuuta said. Gentle levity filled his voice. Now that he was faced with the absurdity of his own mortality, he relied on the numbness to see him through to the end.
“We are fated to understand the tongue of that which we imitate, but we can never speak it. Not like you do.”
“Why is that, I wonder.”
Without facing Yuuta, Toge stuck his tongue out of his mouth. His mental voice blandly replied, “It’s the curse. The older ones lose the skill entirely.”
“Ah,” was the out loud thought. ‘I wouldn’t like to meet them,’ was the mental.
And then, there was a horrifying image of something massive, flashing through his mind. A spark of something immense with tendrils of flaking skin hanging from their fins. Something terrifying with blind eyes and unhinged jaws, with mouths too filled with jagged knives for teeth to stay closed. Bones littered the sands under a rough underbelly. The arms were no longer decorated in shallow scratches, but were instead deep holes exposing hollow, carved bones.
Yuuta stared at Toge as that unspeakable insight could have only come from him. There was that soft smile again, and Toge tilted his head to lean his cheek against his arms.
“No, you wouldn’t.”
“Is… there a way to keep you from reading my mind?”
“We need to stop touching,” was the faint instruction. “I’ve attuned with that trinket of yours, and the emotion from it has to fade away.”
“Ah…” Yuuta laughed again, ruefully almost but not apologetic for the only proof of his devotion. One of the very last bits of goodness he felt in the village. He stared blankly at the fire. “So, I guess we’re stuck like this then.”
Yuuta could feel Toge’s weighty gaze on him, but he didn’t turn to face the merman. He kept his gaze focused on the dancing flames, of the bones and scraps of meat crackling away inside. He wondered if this would have been the moment for him to damn everyone’s name. If he labeled their names and faces for the merman, would it…? He huffed a laugh. It wouldn’t matter.
That kind of meaningless retribution just didn’t suit him, after all. He reached up to toy with his ring as his mind drifted elsewhere. He had better memories; he had an admirer who mourned him, at least. He had done good things while he was there, and he hoped the children stayed strong before they came of age and had to choose a sin that would stain their souls.
If he could do something for them, he would find a way to spare them from the lie. But it was too late; he was too far to reach them.
“Just take care of this,” he thought as he thumbed at the ring.
Toge watched him for a few seconds longer, and then his attention drifted to the fire as well. “I will.”
If Yuuta didn’t know better, that almost sounded like a promise.