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Remus settled himself down on the foot of Sirius’ bed. It was a Saturday afternoon, and the dormitory was silent. Most of Gryffindor house was out on the grounds basking in the warm spring sunshine, mingling with other houses and swimming in the lake with the giant squid. James was showing off a new flying skill he’d learned to an awestruck Peter on the Quidditch pitch, and was desperately trying to catch Lily Evans’ attention in the process. Eventually Lily had come over and scolded James for being a showoff, in which Remus and Sirius snuck off in the midst of the bickering.
“What’s up?” Sirius asked, sprawling out on the bed and balancing his head on his hand.
Remus had been trying to get Sirius alone for at least a week, and now that he finally had him he struggled to find the ability to speak. He desperately needed his advice on a rather personal predicament of his that he was sure James would tease him about relentlessly. The burden of his little problem had been weighing on him heavily for the past year, and not even Lily had had the proper answer for it. She constantly urged him to go to Sirius, who had a wide range of experiences in this particular department, and insisted that it was the only way. Remus finally agreed after many sleepless nights, and as many times as he’d rehearsed exactly what he’d wanted to say in the mirror, his mind was blank as Sirius’ dark eyes stared him down.
“Uh - yes…. well….” Remus stumbled over his words, wringing his hands as his palms began to sweat furiously.
“Well…?” Sirius cocked an eyebrow, and Remus’ mouth went dry.
“You see, I - um….” Remus was beginning to feel as if he were speaking an entirely different language than Sirius.
“Moony, come on. Just say it.”
“I… I think you might laugh at me.” Remus choked out what he knew was a lame excuse, but was still enough for him to stall for a few seconds more.
“Moony, you can trust me. You know that. Now spit it out.” Sirius responded smoothly, but Remus knew that his already short attention span was wearing thin.
“W-well, you know I like b-blokes and all.” Remus stuttered, his usual together demeanor crumbling even more.
“I’ve known that for ages, Moony. Is that seriously what you dragged me up here for?” Sirius went to sit up, now clearly uninterested in what Remus had earlier claimed was a huge secret.
Remus shot across the bed and grabbed the front of Sirius’ robes, pulling him back down. “No, no! That’s- that’s not it at all. There’s…. someone….” His voice wavered and died as he trailed off.
Sirius’ eyes lit up the second the words escaped Remus’ mouth, and he grinned so widely he looked manic. Now thoroughly interested in what Remus had to say, he settled himself back down on the bed, his eyes glued to Remus and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
“Who is it? Do I know him? I bet I know him. Well, who is it? Tell me!” Sirius spoke so quickly, Remus could barely understand what he was saying. It was clear that his mind was reeling at the idea of his best mate liking someone at this point, because Remus had never liked anyone before, and Sirius was more than ready to guide him in what might be his first love.
“B-but… there’s a little bit of a problem, so to speak.” Remus purposely ignored Sirius’ question outright, not wanting to deal with that aspect of the whole ordeal just yet. However, this got Sirius even more excited and he practically bounced off the bed.
“Problem? What problem?”
Remus bit his tongue for a moment, thinking hard. He wasn’t sure how he wanted to answer this question exactly. He wasn’t sure if he was really ready to do what he was about to do, and answer the question at all. He wished more than anything that Lily was here and could talk for him like she’d done so many times before, but it was her that had pushed him here in the first place. Remembering her words and the eagerness in her voice when she urged him to Sirius, he drew a great breath and continued on.
“There’s a lot. Like the fact that I don’t even know if h-he likes b-blokes, or if he’d ever even go for me. Y-you know, with the whole werewolf thing and….” Remus trailed off again and sighed heavily. There was far too much wrong with the situation, and he felt awfully silly for having worried about it for so long when it sounded so trivial aloud.
Sirius’ excitement faded at the sound of his friend being so doubtful. He could not understand why Remus thought someone could overlook how wonderful he was. No matter who the bloke was, or which team he played for; surely he would see that Remus was incredible in so many, many ways. Sirius sat back on his hands with his tongue in his cheek, deep in thought. He’d help Remus in anyway he could. He was ecstatic at thought of Remus even having a small fling.
“How long has this been going on?” Sirius suddenly sounded very serious, and Remus was growing steadily more nervous at the direction in which the conversation was going.
“About a year.” Remus said quietly, barely a whisper.
Sirius raised his eyebrows, “This is really serious, isn’t it? Moony, why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I… I don’t know. Like I said, I was afraid you’d laugh at me.” Remus’ voice shook.
“Who on earth could this bloke be that you’d keep this from me for a year, just because you thought I’d laugh at you? You’d think you were in love with Snivellus, for Merlin’s sake.” Sirius exclaimed incredulously, the sound of his voice making the boy in front of him wince.
Remus didn’t say a word, but stared at Sirius sheepishly as his cheeks flushed.
“My god, is it Snape?” Sirius whispered, his eyes wide in horror and mouth agape, looking as if he’d just seen the most disgusting thing he’d ever seen in his life.
“No! NO! Oh god, Padfoot! What the hell are you thinking?” Remus raised his voice and sat bolt upright, he too now looking as if he’d never been more repulsed.
The two of them burst out into hysterical laughter, Sirius making comments about how awful it’d feel to run his fingers through Snape’s greasy and stringy hair. The two of them laughed until tears filled their eyes, and James himself would have been proud of the insults the two of them managed to concoct towards the sallow-skinned boy in such a short period of time. Though the suddenly light mood soon faded from the room when the laughter began to die, and as Sirius stared back at Remus he felt his heart pound in his chest.
“Remus, really. Come on now. Who is it?” Sirius was growing impatient once more, and he contemplated threatening to tell James about the whole ordeal if Remus didn’t come clean soon.
“I… Oh god.” Remus buried his face in his hands, “I just don’t think I can tell you.” His voice came out surprisingly even.
“Can you at least give me a hint?”
Remus sat up right again, and exhaled heavily. His cheeks were a deep shade of crimson and his eyes looked glassy. He knew he wouldn’t be able to squeeze out of this one, because he’d already dug his own grave by telling Sirius he had some secret to confess just to get him up here. He feared what Sirius might do if he wasn’t satisfied with what he was told with his tendency for mischief, and decided that this was the best way.
Sirius leaned in and forced Remus to look him in the eyes. That usual twinkle was no longer there, and was replaced with an unusual look of concern. “Please, Moony. Just tell me about him at least, and I’ll guess for myself.”
Remus took another deep breath, and nodded his head in agreement. Sirius beamed and Remus felt his heart leap at the sight. It took every ounce of courage within him to muster up the willpower to speak, but once he did he felt as if he’d never be able to stop. The words of fond endearment about the boy he adored seemed to flow out of him like a waterfall.
“Well… he’s very popular. I guess I’ll start out with that. Pretty much everyone in the school knows who he is. There’s… a lot of girls around him. He’s been with a lot of them too, which is why I think he goes for birds. He’s handsome; so incredibly handsome. He’s tall, and graceful, and does this little smirk all the time without realizing it - and Merlin, do I love that. He makes me laugh harder than anyone, even James. He’s intelligent and does everything with such ease it makes me feel like I’ve got a permanent jelly-legs jinx on me. He’s the most captivating being I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I wish I could listen to his voice all day long. I feel like my heart’s going to explode every time I see him and I just wish I could hold him but… he’s that, and I’m me with my lycanthropy and I don’t think I could ever tarnish something so beautiful.” Remus could not stop himself as he spoke, nor could he bring himself to look at anything but the ground.
Sirius stayed quiet at first, completely awestruck at his best mate’s confession. Never had he even heard Remus think a bloke was attractive, never mind look at someone like *that*. He wanted to know who this mystery boy was even more now, because surely he’d missed some radiant magical creature stride through the Great Hall and cast some sort of spell upon Remus to have him like this. He felt a burning feeling in the pit of his stomach, the familiar sting of jealousy for someone winning Remus over so easily when he’d worked so hard to get his attention, but frustrated for them leaving him like this. Especially for making Remus feel as if he wasn’t good enough, because if anything was farthest from the truth it was that.
Sirius leaned forward and placed his hand upon Remus’. Remus still did not look up, but occupied himself by chewing his lip anxiously. An uncommon feeling of sorrow rose in Sirius; a combination of jealousy, disappointment and upset.
“Merlin…. this is really serious, isn’t it?” He asked gently, in which Remus did nothing but nod in response.
Sirius continued, “Look. I don’t know who this guy is, or if I’ve ever even seen the bloke before. All I know is that I’ve never heard you talk about anyone like this, so he must be pretty damn special. I’m gonna help you in any way I can. Just know that no one is too good for you, Moony. No one. You are bright, and talented, and special and there is no one in the entire Wizarding world more captivating than you. Not even this bloke you’re going on about, and I know the second he sees you he’s gonna be saying the same things you’re saying to me right now. And don’t you dare say your lycanthropy makes you any less, because I refuse to let you believe that that’s true. It makes you even more amazing for having the strength to deal with something so awful every month. Whoever this bloke is, he’s gonna be damn lucky to have you because he couldn’t have anyone better.”
By time Sirius was done speaking, Remus had looked up and his eyes were beginning to well with tears. This was a side to Sirius that he had only seen once in his life when he’d confessed to being a werewolf, and even then he hadn’t been entirely like this. Something swelled inside Remus and consumed the nervousness that had swallowed him previously, and he went forth and did something that would have made him pass out seconds before.
As Sirius stared at him, breathing hard from his little speech, Remus kissed him hard on the mouth.
Sirius had never been so surprised in his life, and did not register what was happening at first fully. Remus’ lips were soft and warm, and Sirius deepened the kiss in an eagerness to taste and experience Remus fully. As wonderful and joyful as this act of affection was, he could not believe he had been so stupid. After all this time, how could he have allowed himself to let Remus feel this way? How had he never noticed these feelings Remus had? Surely he must be dreaming.
Remus was breathless when they pulled away. Never had he experienced something so intoxicating. Not even the bottle of fire whiskey he’d downed entirely by himself on Peter’s birthday. He expected to wake at up any moment now, and once again be disappointed to meet reality after an ungodly beautiful dream. But everything felt so real, and Sirius remained in front of him clearer than ever, and his heart almost exploded at the fact that this was reality.
“Moony… why didn’t you ever tell me…” Sirius almost whimpered into the silence.
“Like I said, I thought you’d laugh at me. You’ve got so many beautiful birds flocking around you. You really think I thought you’d want some werewolf?” Remus said with a cynical laugh.
“Are you kidding? You are better than any of them will ever be. They will never be my Moony.” Sirius whispered, and cupped Remus’ cheek with his hand and ran his thumb across his bottom lip. Remus smiled softly, unable to contain his happiness over Sirius’ words.
“God, I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.” Sirius sighed, running his hand through his long dark hair and shaking his head.
“Stupid? No… Padfoot, why?” Remus questioned, utterly confused. He had been the one who’d hid his feelings. He was the one who hadn’t spoken up. Sirius had simply played along, and done what any other mate would do.
“Dating all those birds, thinking you’d take the hint and get jealous when I ran through them like the seasons. All I did was make you think I was straight and ignoring you, when all I did was act out and talk to everyone so that I could get your attention.” Sirius shook his head again and gave a laugh like a bark.
“Wait? Y-you did all of that? For me?” Remus asked, completely dumbstruck.
“Of course. I wanted you to notice me. I know we’re mates and all, but I wanted you to think I was something different. You have no idea what you do to me.” Sirius gave a feeble smile.
Remus could not find the words to express his feelings. He could not figure out how to express how grateful he felt for Sirius feeling the same way, or how awestruck he was at how the great Sirius Black had gone to such lengths just to get his attention. Instead, he decided to express his excitement in a more forward and physical way and leaned forward to kiss Sirius once more.
They kissed passionately and heatedly this time. Sirius climbed into Remus’ lap, and Remus entwined his nimble fingers in Sirius’ hair. Both of them were giddy with glee, and did not even bother to detach from one another and close the bed hangings when they heard voices enter the common room. They could not stop smiling into the kiss and as they laid down and began to undress each other with the enthusiasm of new love, they could not have felt as if the world could be more right.