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Cuddling?
Pfft nah. Tommy’s not soft. He would never, ever be interested in a cuddle.
No, he’s a big man! He doesn’t do long hugs. He does quick pats on the back.
That is the brand Tommy’s always gone by. He’s never soft, ever. He’s loud and strong. He laughs to wake up his viewers wearing headphones. He swears to make himself appear tough. He wouldn’t even dream of even holding someone’s hand.
But you see, something Tommy never saw coming in his life was a guy named Wilbur Soot.
—----
“Tommy, this is so cool! We’re finally gonna get to meet Wilbur in-person!”
Beside him, Tubbo was literally bouncing in joy, his brown hair flopping up and down. Tommy laughed. This would be cool! He’d finally get to meet the Wilbur Soot! The one who invited him to Earth SMP! The one he’s been following for years! The one who makes cool music! The one who made Dream SMP really take off!
Wilbur was his idol, and he knew it. Stars, it’s still so cool they were friends.
“There he is, Tommy!”
Tommy’s head swiveled towards the direction Tubbo was pointing. There, among the crowd, was Wilbur. As he pushed through the crowds to get off the train, he waved while he tried to see over the numerous heads in front of him. Not long after, he was able to pass the crowd and make it to the two teenagers.
“Hi! Hi!”
Tommy looked up at the tall friend, who also looked down at him. He had a kind smile that made Tommy feel like he could befriend him in seconds, an engaging expression that seemed like it could continue a conversation no matter what, and warm brown eyes that looked like he was someone you could talk to about anything and still feel safe.
But when they locked eyes, that’s when Tommy was doomed.
The corner of Wilbur’s tip lifted up. “Hey,” he said again, this time more softly. Perhaps it was directed only to Tommy, but Tommy dismissed the idea. Either way, something clicked with their gaze, and now Tommy felt a sudden attachment to him.
Shoot, now he wants to hug the man and he barely even knew him!
Luckily, Tubbo carried the conversation.
“We were thinking we could maybe eat first, then go on a walk. We can show you around Brighton!” Tubbo nudged Tommy’s arm. “Right, Tommy?”
Tommy snapped back into reality. “Huh?”
“Our plan, remember?”
He ruffled his hair. “Oh right, our plan!” -Was Wilbur watching his hair? Nah. “Yeah, um. What was our plan again?”
Tubbo planted his forehead into his palm. “Eat. Walk. Show?”
“Oh, oh yeah,” he replied sheepishly. “That one.”
Tubbo continued chatting, talking about how Philza might join them or that they might go to the arcade, or something. Tommy didn’t know, because Tubbo’s voice, mixed with the intercom, and the train, were all drowned out in a muffle. All he could hear clearly was Wilbur’s gentle breath. A breath that sounded whispery. Warm.
And out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Wilbur give him an endeared smile.
—----
“No, Tubbo. It says ‘sa sa le le!’”
“Tommyy,” Tubbo groaned. “It obviously says ‘sale sale.’ Even I could read that!”
“Yeah, Tommy. Get your eyes checked,” Wilbur teased.
Tommy huffed. He didn’t like to admit misreading something.
“Here,” Wilbur took off his glasses. “Try mine.”
“Pfft. I don’t need glasses.”
While Tommy’s arms were still crossed, Wilbur slipped his glasses on Tommy. Tommy became tense, not expecting the older to get so close. He blinked under the glasses, realizing..
“Hey! These are fake!”
Wilbur laughed, which caught Tommy’s attention. Sure, he’s heard his laugh before. But not in-person. It sounded sweeter, more melodic. It didn’t get cut off by static, not did it glitch out Wilbur’s movement as he tossed his head back.
Tommy must have been staring for too long, because Tubbo had to pat his shoulder.
“Come on, we’re waiting on you,” Tubbo opened the door to the store. “I think it looks like an interesting shop. Let’s take a look.”
Wilbur walked in and Tommy followed close after. He didn’t realize he was still wearing Wilbur’s glasses. And he also didn’t realize that wherever Wilbur was walking he was always tagging behind. It wasn’t until Wilbur turned around and jumped, surprised to see Tommy there.
“Oh! Sorry Tommy, didn’t see you there.”
Tommy blinked at Wilbur, too startled to say anything. He was walking in a dream while following him, and now he was suddenly awakened. He shut his eyes and shook his head rapidly, remembering how his chat always said he looked like a goldfish when he stared for too long. He didn’t want Wilbur to see him like that! (But was he just cooing at him a second ago?)
“Awe. You’re still wearing my glasses.”
Frazzled, Tommy quickly removed them and gave them back to Wilbur. “Um- sorry. I didn’t mean to take them.”
But when Wilbur took them back, he smiled fondly. He slipped them back onto Tommy, his hands barely brushing against the side of Tommy’s head.
“No, you wear them today. They look great on you.”
Now Tommy’s face was bright red, and he hated how easy it was for this man to make that happen to him. He turned away, pretending to find something he wanted to buy. Or maybe pretending to go to Tubbo. Anything. Just anything to get him away from Wilbur before he would jump in and stumble into an embrace.
—----
“Are you alright today? You were acting a little weird around Wilbur.”
Tommy paused in the middle of stroking Walter. “What do you mean?” he stammered. “Of course I’m fine!”
There was silence on the other side of the phone.
“Tubbo?”
“I don’t know, bossman. You kept freezing and staring at him.”
“No I didn’t!”
Tubbo sighed. “Well tomorrow we’re gonna start vlogging the meet-up. Maybe get some rest tonight, okay?”
Tommy smiled. Tubbo was always there to take care of him. “Okay, Tubbo. Clingy.”
“Am not!” he laughed.
Then suddenly, Tommy’s phone rang on-call. He looked to see who it was.
Wilbur.
“Hey, Tubbo? I got to answer this call, okay? See you tomorrow then?”
“Yup. See ya. And don’t stress out about anything, okay?”
“Okay.” And with that, he ended the call and answered Wilbur’s.
“Tommyyyyyyyy!”
Tommy closed his eyes, falling down face first on Walter’s back. He wanted to hear that voice for the rest of his life, saying his name in a million different ways.
“Tommy! How’s my king?”
He didn’t answer. He was just listening to his voice.
“Tommy?”
“Great,” he said simply.
“Tommy, are you okay?” Wilbur’s tone became worried. Tommy started to breathe faster. He hated it when Wilbur was worried! He didn’t mean it!
“No, no I’m fine! I promise!”
But no. Wilbur always knew what was deep inside Tommy. “Does it have to do with something today?”
“Yes- no!”
“...Tommy, turn on your PC. I want to see you.”
Fear gripped Tommy like a child called by their parents thinking they’re in trouble. He walked up to his room, booted up his PC, and called Wilbur.
Not too long later, Wilbur’s face showed up. He wore a sleep shirt, his hair was disheveled, and he yawned sleepily. Much different from the Wilbur he walked with today. Tommy smiled, a warm feeling creeping up inside him.
When Wilbur saw Tommy, he smiled too.
“So, is everything alright?” he whispered. “I just wanted to make sure. You were acting quite odd today.”
At this point, Tommy didn’t feel afraid to show his true feelings. He didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was because of how natural Wilbur looked. Or maybe the gentleness he was treating him with. Whatever it was, it was working.
Tommy laid his head on his desk, as if Wilbur could reach out and pet his hair through the screen. But Wilbur wouldn’t do that anyway, right? How silly of him to think that! This was Wilbur Soot he was talking too! He would never come down to Tommy’s level!
He laughed softly to himself at his own stupidity. And who was he to desire such a pleasure as that?
Wilbur knew something was bothering him.
“Toms?”
Tommy groaned. It’s an emotionally exhausting thing to push off something you want so badly.
“How about you meet me early tomorrow? Before the arcade?”
Tommy flipped his head around, excitement in his eyes. “Really?”
Wilbur nodded. “I’d like to be with just you, Tommy. Just me and you.”
A wide grin grew on Tommy’s face. Wilbur took that as a “yes.”
“Alright then,” he laughed. “See you tomorrow.”
—----
While no one was looking, Tommy skipped happily to the arcade. It wasn’t very far from his flat, so he was able to get there by foot. The closer he got to his destination, the more “normal” he walked. He didn’t want anyone to see him skipping around, because that’s just silly. Men walk confidently. They don’t skip.
He saw Wilbur standing outside the arcade, and Wilbur saw him.
“Tommy!”
“Wilbur!”
Tommy ran to him, not realizing his arms were open. When he got to the tall friend, he almost attacked him with a crashing hug, but stopped himself, resolving to just a side-hug. There was an unreadable expression in Wilbur’s face, but Tommy figured it was because he was relieved Tommy didn’t crush him to death with an embrace.
Then the air shifted again.
Wilbur stood there, hands in his pockets. A signal of shyness. Tommy also stood next to him, fiddling his own fingers. What were they doing? They should be talking and playing and having fun! Taking off into conversation like they always did on call.
Was that what it was? Had they gotten so used to being together remotely that when the time came they were actually together, they didn’t know how to interact?
Tommy unconsciously shifted closer to Wilbur, their shoulders brushing against each other.
“Hello, Tommy.”
Tommy looked up into Wilbur’s eyes. Eyes that looked back at him with gentleness. Love. Care. Why was Tommy so afraid to be himself? Wilbur would never hurt him. So why all this?
Before Tommy knew it, his eyes were drifting elsewhere. Was it just him, or did the crook of Wilbur’s neck look like the perfect size for him to just fit his head? He closed his eyes, feeling Wilbur’s head knock against his as he lowered it.
“TommyInnit! It’s TommyInnit!”
Tommy jumped and stumbled away from Wilbur, turning around to see who the new voice was coming from. Two teens were running towards him, and Tommy immediately flushed, hoping they did not just see him on the brink of cuddling with Wilbur.
Wilbur laughed from behind him. Tommy turned around to see him, a wide grin on his face, like a proud older brother.
Everything else felt like a numb blur to Tommy as he talked to the teens, signed some fanart, and took a photo. Luckily, none of them mentioned his interactions with Wilbur earlier.
After they walked away, Tommy turned back to Wilbur. He was still there, his welcoming smile was still there. Tommy took in a heavy breath. Maybe this time no one saw him. But he couldn’t let this happen again. No more cuddling. Period.
He took another step back, and he was so sure he saw a pained look on Wilbur’s face. Before Wilbur could say anything though, he heard Philza’s voice from behind.
“Hey Wil! Hey Tommy!”
Tommy spun his head around to see the larger man running towards them.
“Watch out, Phil! You’ll break your back!” Tommy shouted. Wilbur wheezed from behind. “Where’s Tubbo?”
Philza knitted his eyebrows. “Did he not tell you? He said he was going to text you.”
“Huh?” he opened up his messages.
Sorry, last minute changes. I can’t vlog today with you guys. Have fun!
How embarrassing. Tommy forgot everything around him when he was with Wilbur. He didn’t even realize he got a text.
“You guys ready?” Philza broke through Tommy’s thoughts.
Shake it off, Tommy. Nothing happened there.
They entered the arcade, starting their vlog. And the second Tommy hit record, he slipped on his persona, and filmed one of the greatest vlogs he had ever done.
—----
After a variety of activities that day, it soon became night. Nightlife in Brighton was amazing. There were mini markets on the street and fewer cars passing by. Music playing from some buildings while silence in others. But even though there were enough lights Tommy decided he wouldn’t try to film as much at night. The limited visibility didn’t turn out as great on the camera and he figured it would be better to simply enjoy the night.
At the end of the night, the three of them were standing at a crosswalk to get across, back towards Tommy’s flat. The light flashed on for them to walk, and Tommy was the first to step onto the road.
“Tommy!!!”
Suddenly Tommy felt someone pulling him. Next thing he knew, he was against someone’s chest. Wait- not anyone’s chest. Wilbur’s chest. Tommy immediately softened, face buried into the vanilla-scented shirt and heartbeat beating against his own fast heart, matching in rhythm.
Meanwhile, Wilbur was holding him tight, hissing at a driver who just rushed past, completely unaware.
“Stupid drunk drivers,” he growled in a deep voice. Tommy felt the protective growl from Wilbur’s chest, vibrating against his cheek as he kept his face planted there. He pulled back slightly, just enough to see Wilbur looking around him, like a mother bird protecting her chicks. With the night lights above him and the pale moonlight shining, Tommy just felt in awe of such powerful affection.
Wilbur squeezed him impossibly tighter, and Tommy buried his face in again, taking in the moment while it lasted.
“Let’s get you home, darling.” He felt a tickling breath against his ear.
Tommy was about to pull back so he could walk, but before he could even move, Wilbur picked him up with unexpected strength. Tommy instinctively wrapped his legs around his waist like a child to be carried, and he heard a coo from Philza.
He was kind of glad Tubbo wasn’t there at the moment. Because if Tubbo saw this, he wouldn’t hear the end of this for a while. But Philza and Wilbur were much older than him, and instead looked at him like a child. And, honestly, sometimes he still wanted to be treated like one, no matter how much he pretended to fight it. It just made him feel loved. Adored. Treasured.
He was also just plain tired. And Wilbur knew that.
Wilbur also couldn’t risk another driver rushing into his sunshine.
But the main thing was that Tommy loved Wilbur, and Wilbur loved Tommy.
Tommy just wished he could cuddle with him like this forever.
—----
Wilbur’s melodic laugh resonated in Tommy’s ears as he sat beside him on a park bench, a breeze blowing gently. The cold breeze made Tommy shiver, and almost immediately, Wilbur scooped him up and put him on his lap, curling around him like a blanket. Tommy instantly felt warm, melting under the embrace as he nestled his face in Wilbur’s neck. He heard Wilbur release a sigh and kiss him on his head, rocking him and humming.
Cuddles, cuddles, and cuddles. Forget his reputation. He just wanted to be loved.
He felt a hand running through his hair, static running down his spine like never before. Then the hand returned to holding him with both arms. A face was buried in his hair, breathing in and breathing out.
Forever. Forever. Tommy wanted this for all eternity.
Then Tommy suddenly felt cold again. The scene faded away around him. He blinked in the dark, regaining his consciousness.
Ah yes, the classic. A dream of something you long for yet can never, and will never, have.
What was it about Wilbur anyway that made him seem so lovable?
Was the way he smiled at Tommy?
The way he looked at him like his own child?
His voice that softly soothed him to sleep?
Or was it because of how much he loved Tommy?
Tommy tossed and turned in his blankets. He tightened them around his body, pretending it was Wilbur holding him. But it was futile. Nothing measured up to what happened that night, when Wilbur carried him back to his flat. Or when he rested his head on his shoulder for a split second before his fans came running in. He began to whine slightly, mourning the lack of touch. But he then became angry at himself for acting so childish. He didn’t deserve it. He wasn’t touch-starved or anything. He just wanted that physical affection. Not just from anyone. But from Wilbur, and Wilbur alone. And goodness knows why him. Why Wilbur Soot, of all people, had to be the one he was attached to and wanted to hug.
If only he could be sure Wilbur felt the same way.
—----
Tommy popped his head through the door, looking around the office and hallway behind him. Empty. No one.
He tiptoed into Wilbur’s office and sat down on his rolling chair. He started up the PC and went onto Twitch. With a mischievous smile on his face he started the stream, waiting for the screen to load.
Then he was live.
“Hellooooo I’m Wilbur Soot!!!!!!” he shouted loudly so all the world could hear.
It was like the chat had a spasm, messages flying everywhere out of confusion and mock (or maybe even genuine) fear. Tommy gave an evil smile, fiddling with his fingers like some villain mastermind.
“Hey chat! Look what I got!” He pulled out the toy gun he won the day before with his arcade tickets. “I got a vlog gun!!”
The chat was filled with messages like “oh no Tommy,” “look out the child has a gun!!” and so on. Meanwhile, Tommy was preparing his gun. He pointed at a light fixture and pulled the trigger, which let out a bullet that ricocheted off the bulb and hit one of Wilbur’s picture frames. He laughed loudly as the picture fell, crashing to the ground in a racket of noise.
His heart dropped when he heard a muffled “What on earth is going on in there?” He stared at the door as Wilbur pushed it open, with a face of shock and annoyance.
“What the fly!!”
“What?”
“What the fly, Tommy!!”
He stepped closer to Tommy, fuming. He turned to the screen, and his eyes widened.
“Are you flying streaming??”
Tommy laughed loudly, but stopped when he saw Wilbur wasn’t joking. Wilbur smacked the camera in anger, and it fell to the ground. Tommy automatically cowered in fear, trembling under the six foot man.
“I-I’m sorry,” he whispered so only Wilbur could hear.
“Tommy?” Wilbur softened, ending the stream so he could talk to him.
“M’sorry, m’sorry. It was just for fun. M’sorry..” he sobbed.
“Oh, no Tommy,” Wilbur cupped his face. Tommy widened his eyes in surprise of the easy gesture. The hand guided his face upwards, so he could face Wilbur. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have overreacted like that.”
Tommy whimpered a response. It still hurt.
“Toms, oh love,” Wilbur hushed in response. The gentle voice soothed Tommy’s fears, his hackles lowering and his shoulders sagging. He was still shivering, and Wilbur noticed.
“Sunshine, is there any way I can help?” His eyes flitted back and forth. “Can- can I hug you, darling?”
Tommy let out a slight gasp, his mouth hanging open just barely. Yes, yes, oh please, yes.
Wilbur’s eyes fell. He looked disappointed. “That- that’s alright. It’s okay if you’re not comfortable with that.” He backed up, and continued the stream.
Tommy wanted to scream at that moment. But Wilbur already started the stream back up. If he cried he would be crying in front of millions. He hadn’t cried before on stream and he wasn’t going to start now all because he wanted a hug.
So he scooted away, stealing Wilbur’s chair with him. Wilbur laughed and called, “Hey gremlin! Give me my chair back!” Tommy laughed, but only half-heartedly, with his persona covering his real emotions. Inside, he was still sad, but on the outside, he looked fine. Wilbur ran around the office while Tommy zoomed with the rolling chair, the linoleum floor making him glide faster. He spun in circles as Wilbur chased him, and eventually, his worries melted away and he became truly happy. Wilbur caught his chair and the two giggled hysterically, while Tommy threw his head back against Wilbur’s chest.
Off-screen, Wilbur bent down and gave him a quick kiss on the head, and Tommy went blank. He blinked several times, face red and breathing heavy. He felt all dizzy and woozy, but a happy kind. He felt like smiling up at Wilbur and grabbing his head. But he didn’t. Because Wilbur probably just did that without much thought. He probably didn’t mean anything with it. He was just trying to mess with Tommy.
Tommy turned his head up to look at Wilbur again, but the older one was gone. He had already pulled up a new chair and sat at his PC, apologizing to his chat and continuing his stream with his calm and formal persona on. He pushed up his glasses and fiddled with the settings to change Tommy’s stream music back to his chill music.
While Wilbur was working on that, Tommy sat in the corner. He watched Wilbur silently from afar. His role model. The one he joked was like his brother. He wanted Wilbur to hold him like last night. He wanted Wilbur to kiss him again on the head. But he knew Wilbur wouldn’t want that. Because it’s embarrassing, to cuddle with someone you’re not related to by blood. He didn’t want to make Wilbur uncomfortable. He wanted Wilbur to be happy.
And even if that meant hurting his own happiness, Tommy was more than willing to let that go.
—----
That evening, as the sun started to set, Tommy was walking with Wilbur, Philza, and Tubbo. They decided to go to Brighton Beach and take a walk on the pier. Maybe get some food or feed some pigeons, hopefully not starting a fight with a seagull.
Like before, Tommy walked oddly close to Wilbur. He followed him from behind, sometimes laying his head on the back of Wilbur’s shoulder whenever they waited to cross a street. But he did it lightly enough so Wilbur wouldn’t feel it. So far, no one had noticed.
They came to the final crosswalk to the pier. The street was unusually busy, cars and buses passing by fast. This made Tommy nervous, remembering the night he almost got run over. When the time came for them to cross, Tommy stood, frozen. As Wilbur was halfway across the street, he realized that Tommy was no longer behind him. He turned around and stood next to Tommy, encouraging to keep on going. Then, his hands slipped into Tommy’s, fingers intertwining.
His hands were warm and gentle, filling Tommy with strength and joy that made him want to keep going. He closed his eyes and smiled, leaning into Wilbur as he felt arms wrapping around him.
Then his eyes shot open again, realizing what he was doing. He looked to Philza and Tubbo who were staring at him. In pure embarrassment, he ran across the street, which was no longer open for crossing.
Cars honked and wheels screeched as he jumped and dodged. Wilbur screamed from behind as a bus nearly ran him over. Tommy switched courses to avoid it, running away from everyone.
He found a way back to the sidewalk and dashed as fast as he could. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was going to do. He just needed to get away.
Tears fell as the wind blew against his face. What had he done? This was supposed to be a fun, relaxing meet-up. And now he’d just ruined it all. All because he was getting all clingy for no reason.
“TommyInnit, you stupid bird-brain,” he spat at himself through gritted teeth. “You messed up everything for everyone.”
Now Wilbur was scared half to death for him. Now Philza and Tubbo were probably frantically searching Brighton, trying to find him. Now, now..
He ran into something solid. Something.. warm. Comforting arms curled around him and swayed him back and forth, and kisses were pressed against his hair.
“Shh… Tommy, darling. You’re safe. I’m right here.”
Tommy opened his eyes and looked up. There, he saw Wilbur looking down at him. Eyes full of love and smiles full of pride.
“Wilbur?”
Wilbur pressed a kiss to his forehead to silence him. Tommy’s breath escaped from him, and he wanted to melt in the embrace forever. He buried his face into Wilbur’s chest, then moved his head to be nestled in his neck. A surge of joy filled him.
He laughed weakly. He was right. His head does fit here.
Wilbur’s head laid atop Tommy’s head, securing it. He rubbed Tommy’s back, while continuing to sway him side-to-side.
Tommy hummed happily in Wilbur’s arms. Ignoring the strange looks they might be getting from other people. He squeaked a “huh?” when he heard a camera click somewhere. Wilbur shushed him, saying “don’t worry about them,” as he continued to rock him.
Eventually, Tommy let go so he could look at Wilbur again. He was surprised to see Wilbur so relieved and relaxed, and he knitted his eyebrows in confusion.
“What?” Wilbur asked.
“You look.. happy.”
Wilbur smiled and laughed. “That’s because I am, Tommy. I’ve been wanting to squeeze you and hold you tight since day one. Not just day one of this meet-up, but since day one when I met you.”
“Oh,” Tommy replied, his face annoyingly flushing again.
“I thought you didn’t want to, though,” Wilbur continued, sadness filling his eyes. “You always seemed to shy away from my affection.”
“No, Wilbur, I…” Tommy stammered. How could he explain what he felt? The rush of excitement he felt when Wilbur held his hand, the painful and aching love he felt when Wilbur whispered sweet things to him, the safety and comfort he felt in his arms every single time Wilbur embraced him?
“You know that line..” he began slowly. “In It’s All Futile?” He sang softly to Wilbur, his forehead pressing against his. “‘You held his hands, it felt like flying..’”
He paused when he saw tears springing up in Wilbur’s eyes. Wilbur smiled with trembling lips, like he couldn’t be happier.
“...That’s how I feel around you. I love you Wilby, and I want to hug you.”
With that, Wilbur engulfed Tommy in the tightest embrace. He laughed and cried into Tommy’s golden hair, kissing him another million times and spinning him in circles. Meanwhile, the child rested his head on his brother’s collarbone, breathing a sigh of relief, resting in the assurance that he would never have to fight his feelings again to be accepted by his beloved.