Work Text:
Warm air puffed out of Wonwoo’s tiny pout, fogging his glasses. He sighed in exasperation, noticing the same heavy ache every time he subconsciously finds his way to this bench. He much prefers the swings, being able to move a bit back and forth; but they moved their spot to the benches because they felt bad for the children.
Wonwoo stood in front of the bench, debating if he should sit down or move on. He cursed himself for not bringing gloves, he keeps forgetting them every time he comes here. It’s a habit. Why should he bring gloves if his hands were going to be warmed by the pockets of another? At least he had his scarf on. He looked at his watch, ‘ 8:47 . ’ Still early. He gave in and sat down.
Hands still tucked in his pocket, he slowly rested his back on the bench. It’s a tough day for him again. Every time he felt this before he could just text him and they would meet here… cheer each other up. Wonwoo remembers the first occurrence they had, they never knew each other. He got humiliated by his art teacher in front of the entire class that day, and on his way home he just fumbled upon the swings and sat there for god knows how long. He was freezing but all he wanted at the time was to disappear until someone came and handed him a scarf and a hot pack.
‘I’m sorry but I live right there and saw you here for too long. I got a bit worried, sorry if this was weird, ’ the stranger said. Wonwoo finally craned his neck upwards for the first time that night to look at him, he thought the person shined under the streetlight. Wonwoo snickered thinking about that moment, he was just wearing a printed white sweatshirt, track pants and a black baseball cap. He was so touched by kindness, something he’s rarely on the receiving end of.
‘Thank you… but you don’t have to,’ Wonwoo replied, trying to reject the stranger’s kind gesture. He’s worried this might bite him in the back and that he owes someone something. The person just stood there momentarily, staring at him with the scarf still in his hand. Wonwoo later found out that the person did not expect someone as good looking as Wonwoo to be hanging his head low in chill winter nights. He let out a tiny smile thinking about this. One that faded just as immediately as he realises he keeps hanging on to this memory of theirs.
‘I know. At least take the hot pack,’ the stranger said, handing the scarf anyway. Wonwoo was too cold to refuse either. He wrapped the scarf around his neck anyway. The stranger shuffled to the swing next to him and took his spot. Wonwoo wasn’t uncomfortable, just unsure what to feel. ‘ You want to talk about it?’ Wonwoo slowly turned his head towards him. Their eyes met. The other person quickly looked away and shaked his head in panic, ‘I mean, we don’t know each other, you can talk about it and we won’t meet each other anymore.’
Despite the utter sadness Wonwoo is feeling, he didn’t find it hard to smile at the person’s cute reaction. It wouldn’t hurt to tell someone he doesn’t know his problems, he thinks. ‘Are you okay listening to me?’ He carefully double checked while giving him a tiny gaze. They locked eyes again. The stranger once again immediately looked away, face going pink. ‘I asked,’ he replied. Wonwoo let out a tiny smile.
What Wonwoo didn’t realise is that was not the only night he would be listening to Wonwoo.
‘I brought coffee. Wonwoo, we should start sitting on the bench. That boy is definitely planning to murder you,’ he suggested one evening. Wonwoo laughed, thinking his serious pout was cute. Why is this grown friend of his scared of a child? So he slowly turned to look at the boy, yeah… he was definitely getting death glares. He rounded his eyes and slowly joined him on the bench at the corner of the playground.
But tonight he is sitting on the bench alone with no scarf or hot pack or coffee or a friend. A friend he should have told what he felt. Wonwoo wallowed in his feelings, taking occasional glances to the house in front of the playground. It has been empty for a while now since the last family moved out. He wished it would stay that way. Seeing it breed new life which isn’t the one he wishes he could see would hurt him. It would force him to move on, and he doesn’t want to.
‘Wonwoo?’ A small, distant, familiar voice called. His heart dropped. He slowly turned his head towards the source of the voice that used to bring him comfort, silently hoping it was him and not a fickle of his imagination. Wonwoo could finally tell him what he felt.
‘Soonyoung… What are you doing here?’ He asked as his heart raced seeing Soonyoung approaching the bench. He was brought back to the night he first met Soonyoung, only that this time he was accompanied by heartache and regret. And that Soonyoung is glowing even more brilliantly under the streetlights.
Soonyoung sat down on the other side of the bench, leaving a distance which felt huge to Wonwoo. He wishes he could turn and sit with his legs crossed facing Soonyoung. Talking about whatever they went through in the day. Wonwoo did not take his eyes off Soonyoung today, his heart leaping out of his chest wanting to tell him how much he meant to him. That he was not only a source of strength but also the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. And that life would not be meaningful if he had never met Sooyoung a hundred metres away from this sacred bench which would mark their young adulthood. He so badly wants him to know that.
‘I’m here to find closure,’ Soonyoung whispered, loud enough for Wonwoo to hear. Wonwoo froze and felt his intentions wilt right here, fitting for a cold winter night. Soonyoung looked at him, ‘I… met someone new. I hope you’re happy for me.’ He clasped his lips after saying that. Wonwoo’s heart ached with regret more than it did before he returned to this god-forsaken bench. And now Wonwoo so badly hoped he returned Soonyoung’s feelings before.
‘I… of course I am. Who is he? Or how is he? Is he nice?’ Wonwoo asked, still not taking his eyes off his wrong timing soulmate. Worried they won’t be destined to meet for a while. Soonyoung let a tiny gleaming smile out and it warmed Wonwoo with regret and jealousy. He knows he doesn’t deserve to feel those. ‘He’s not you,’ Soonyoung’s first reply caught him off guard, ‘but he’s kind and listens to me. He cooks well and gives me strength,’ Wonwoo noticed Soonyoung threading his answers carefully. He appreciates it.
‘Soonyoung-ah, be happy always,’ Wonwoo said after what felt like a long pause. He slowly got up and looked down to meet Soonyoung’s eyes for one last time. He doesn’t think he’s strong enough to be here for long. ‘Wonwoo…,’ Soonyoung called out as their eyes met. He noticed it darkened a little, he looked disappointed.
‘You’re still not going to say anything.’ Soonyoung said, more of a statement than a question. Wonwoo felt needles prickling his heart. Did he notice, all along? ‘You… know?’ Wonwoo asked.
‘Of course I do, of course I do. I have been waiting for you to say it for so long that I said it first, even then, you were never going to admit it. Does it hurt your pride so much to lean on someone, Jeon Wonwoo?’ Soonyoung replied sternly. His voice slightly raised but soft enough to not hurt Wonwoo’s gentle soul.
‘Please learn to let someone’s love in. You be happy too, Wonu,’ Soonyoung said before Wonwoo had the chance to say anything. Wonwoo realises it is too late. Soonyoung got up, brushed any dirt off his coat and stood in front of Wonwoo. Wonwoo looked at him and wished he could touch him. Soonyoung clasped a smile, patted Wonwoo’s shoulders and turned around. Leaving Wonwoo alone.